Brief Summary
This video outlines ten subtle signs that someone has been through a lot, explaining how trauma and difficult experiences can rewire the brain and manifest in specific behaviours. These signs range from being fiercely protective of others and finding joy in small things to displaying hyper-independence and avoiding certain topics. The video highlights that these behaviours are often coping mechanisms developed to navigate challenging situations and protect oneself emotionally.
- Fiercely protective of the vulnerable due to post-traumatic growth.
- Finding joy in the tiniest things because of hedonic recalibration.
- Stubbornly independent as a form of emotional armour.
- Avoiding family questions as a means of self-preservation.
- Handling bad news calmly due to nervous system shutdown.
- Experiencing complicated feelings about birthdays, associating them with survival rather than celebration.
- Feeling foreign when receiving compliments due to a negative self-schema.
- Apologising frequently as a learned behaviour from environments where their needs were seen as burdens.
- Displaying all-in or all-out behaviour due to categorising relationships as either safe or unsafe.
- Mastering the art of reading the room as a survival mechanism developed through hypervigilance.
Fiercely Protective of the Vulnerable
Individuals who have experienced trauma often exhibit a strong protective instinct towards those who are vulnerable. This behaviour stems from post-traumatic growth, where the brain rewires itself to heighten empathy and threat detection. Their past pain transforms into a drive to shield others from similar experiences, ensuring that what happened to them doesn't happen to someone else.
Finding Joy in the Tiniest Things
People who have survived difficult times often find immense joy in simple pleasures. This is due to hedonic recalibration, where the brain adjusts its perception of what constitutes "good." Ordinary moments, like a warm meal or a text from a friend, are appreciated deeply because they once represented safety and validation during challenging periods. Their threshold for joy has shifted, allowing them to find happiness in everyday occurrences.
Stubbornly Independent
Hyper-independence is a common trait in individuals who have experienced repeated breaches of trust. This independence serves as emotional armour, with the brain learning that self-reliance is crucial for safety. They prefer handling things on their own, as a protective mechanism developed from past experiences where they had to rely solely on themselves. While this can keep others at a distance, it's a strategy that once served them well.
Avoiding Asking About Your Family
Some people avoid asking about family to protect themselves. They understand that such conversations are reciprocal and may lead to them having to share personal stories they are not ready to disclose. Their brain has learned to steer clear of triggers that could bring up painful memories or experiences, making them hesitant to engage in family-related discussions.
Handling Bad News Too Well
An unnaturally calm reaction to crises can indicate that someone is in shutdown mode. This is a protective response developed by the nervous system when it's been repeatedly overwhelmed. Like a circuit breaker, it prevents emotional overload by causing the amygdala (the brain's alarm system) to quiet down instead of amplifying the stress response.
Birthdays Feel Complicated
Birthdays can be a complex and difficult time for those who have endured hardship. Rather than being celebrations, they serve as reminders of what was missing, who wasn't there, or what didn't happen. The date becomes associated with endurance and survival, carrying the weight of past struggles and unfulfilled expectations.
Compliments Feel Foreign
Individuals who grew up with chronic invalidation often struggle to accept compliments. Their brain develops a negative self-schema, making positive feedback feel incompatible with their internal beliefs. Compliments don't register properly, as if the "software" is too new for the "hardware," and they may brush them off or dismiss them entirely.
Apologize A Lot
Frequent apologies, even for minor things, are often a learned behaviour from environments where their needs were consistently seen as burdens. These individuals internalise the belief that their presence might inconvenience others, leading them to apologise preemptively. This coping mechanism helped them navigate hostile situations by minimising potential conflict.
They're Either All In or All Out
Some people display a tendency to be either completely invested or completely distant in relationships. This black-and-white thinking arises when the brain learns to categorise relationships as either safe or unsafe, with little room for middle ground. The limbic system becomes hypervigilant, and they either trust someone fully or keep them at a distance, as partial trust was once perceived as dangerous.
Masters of Reading the Room
An ability to quickly pick up on tension or mood shifts indicates a heightened state of awareness developed as a survival mechanism. Their amygdala is finely tuned to detect subtle changes in voice tone, body language, or energy levels. This hypervigilance stems from past experiences where missing these cues could have meant danger.
