Brief Summary
This podcast episode of "The Journey Within" features Shobha Rana and Amit Sangwan discussing the complexities of relationships. They explore the sources of unhappiness in relationships, the possibility of relationships without expectations, and the role of transactions. They also touch upon love, commitment, selfishness, and the importance of managing workplace stress and the fear of judgment. The conversation aims to provide new perspectives on improving relationships and understanding oneself better through the lens of relationships.
- Relationships affect everything, from personal well-being to the economy.
- Expectations, especially unmet ones, are a major source of conflict.
- Transactional relationships are normal; the key is how they are handled.
- Love is like a sneeze—it comes and goes; shared purpose is what sustains a relationship.
- It's okay to be selfish; it's foolish to be a foolish selfish.
The Journey Within: Exploring Personal Growth
Shobha Rana introduces "The Journey Within" podcast, which aims to help listeners design their best lives by understanding their inner world. The podcast explores how we process thoughts, feelings, and actions. This episode focuses on understanding life through the lens of relationships, which play a crucial role in our lives, influencing how we feel, make decisions, and understand situations.
Guest Introduction: Meet Amit Sangwan
Amit Sangwan, a relationship consultant, joins Shobha Rana on the podcast. Amit has been on the podcast before, with their previous episode garnering over 2.2 million views. Amit's unique style of delivery, which includes humor and anecdotes, makes the conversation engaging. They aim to delve into common relationship challenges and understand them deeply.
Who Will Benefit From This Relationship Talk?
Amit states that relationships affect everything, including country-level dynamics and individual well-being. He emphasizes that the family is the smallest unit of society, and its dynamics impact the economy. He believes that family-level relationships are a significant concern for India, affecting GDP and overall structure. Relationship issues can affect investments, jobs, finances, and mental health, highlighting the importance of discussing and addressing them.
Why Do We Suffer in Relationships?
The primary cause of suffering in relationships is unmet expectations. These expectations often stem from a lack of clear communication and self-imposed " फरमाइशी प्रोग्राम" based on stereotypes. The burden of undue expectations, whether based on gender or financial status, is becoming increasingly difficult for the new generation to bear.
Is a Relationship Without Expectations Really Possible?
Amit clarifies that expectations are essential in relationships, but they should primarily be directed towards oneself. For example, expecting oneself to cook or provide for the family is healthy. Problems arise when expectations are imposed on others, such as dictating how someone should behave or what they should achieve. It's important to focus on doing your part well and allowing others to do theirs.
What Are Transactional Relationships? Explained
Amit argues that all relationships are transactional to some extent. Even a mother breastfeeding her child involves a transaction of care and affection. The issue arises when people negatively perceive transactions, often associating them solely with money. It's important to normalize the concept of transactions in relationships and recognize that they involve the exchange of various things, including love, emotions, and support.
Understanding Love: What Does Love Mean in a Relationship?
Amit describes love as an emotion that comes and goes, like a sneeze. He notes that modern parents often struggle to age gracefully, placing undue expectations on their children. He suggests that love evaporates when effort is forced. While effort is necessary, love should not be seen as a constant, physical feeling. Instead, a shared purpose sustains a relationship, especially after having children.
Are Relationships Complicated? Let’s Simplify It!
Amit argues that relationships are not complicated but layered. The key is whether a relationship makes you feel good or bad. Parents want to feel good, which can be achieved by spending time with them. He advises against overthinking and encourages enjoying life.
Workplace Stress: How to Manage Stress in Relationships and Work
Amit believes that "managing stress" is the wrong approach; instead, one should avoid it altogether. He suggests that the increase in stress is due to the collapse of the home as a place of retreat and recharge. He advises those who are not financially compelled to tolerate workplace stress to stand up for themselves.
Commitment Issues in Relationships: Causes and Solutions
Amit suggests that commitment issues often arise because people subconsciously want to avoid being committed to. By setting unrealistic expectations, they create a situation where commitment becomes impossible. He advises against constantly demanding commitment from others and suggests that people should stop demanding so much from each other.
Selfishness in Relationships: What Does It Really Mean?
Amit defines selfishness as a term coined by lazy people to label those from whom they want something. He argues that it's not selfish to refuse to give something that is yours. Instead, the person wanting something from you is the one being selfish. He suggests that many relationship issues could be resolved if people acknowledged their own foolishness.
Master the Art of Saying "No" Without Guilt
Amit explains that people often struggle to say "no" because they fear damaging the relationship. He suggests that having a strong "magnetic" ability to maintain relationships is key. If a relationship breaks down over a simple refusal, it was not a worthwhile relationship. He advises embracing the idea that those who are meant to leave will do so, regardless.
Overcoming Fear of Being Judged in Relationships
Amit believes that there is nothing wrong with being judgmental. He argues that people are afraid of being judged because they lack confidence. He encourages people to be open to judgment and to judge others in return. He acknowledges that he cares about judgment and wants to be appreciated, but he continues to work despite negative feedback.
Tips to Keep Your Relationship Smooth and Strong
Amit questions the need for relationships to be "smooth," suggesting that excitement comes from ups and downs. He describes an ideal relationship as one where partners are comfortable and supportive, even in mundane situations. He emphasizes that excitement is not a consistent factor and that relationships should be viewed over a longer period, with highs and lows.
What Does Success Mean in Relationships and Life?
Amit defines success as continuously improving and making money while sleeping. He emphasizes the importance of knowing how to play many "games" in life, adapting to different situations and opportunities. He believes that having a diverse skill set prevents anxiety and allows one to thrive in various circumstances.
Final Thoughts: The Takeaway Message
Shobha hopes that the episode has provided listeners with an opportunity to reflect on their lives and relationships. She encourages listeners to challenge their perspectives and engage with the content, whether they agree or disagree. Amit thanks Shobha and emphasizes the importance of questioning everything.
