Brief Summary
Tim Vine's stand-up routine is a rapid-fire delivery of puns, one-liners, and absurd observations. The performance includes musical interludes with nonsensical lyrics and audience participation segments, all contributing to a fast-paced, joke-filled show.
- Quick, rapid-fire delivery of jokes and puns.
- Musical interludes with absurd lyrics.
- Audience participation and engagement.
Intro and Polite County
Tim Vine introduces himself and jokes about his name being misspelled on a form. He mentions playing table football and being in Surrey, which he calls the world's most polite county. He humorously suggests that any conflict in Surrey would involve bickering rather than fighting. Vine then talks about buying a theater and a story about his mom collapsing after he told her about it.
Chim and Dreams
Vine reveals he is from Chim in Surrey and jokes about Anne Boleyn having a brother named Tenpin. He shares a dream he had about driving around a roundabout with his left hand while making pancakes with the other.
Absurd Encounters
Vine tells a series of short, absurd jokes. He jokes about walking down the street and his girlfriend complaining about him walking in front, being offered ownership of Wembley Stadium and Arena, and a woman asking if he washed his face with Imperial Leather soap, only to point out a label stuck to his forehead.
Musical Interlude: Missing Hand
Vine performs a short, repetitive song with the lyrics "One of my hands is missing," emphasizing the catchy hook of the song.
Lumberjack and Colonic Irrigation
Vine jokes about being a lumberjack who changed shirts after every tree and running a dating agency for chickens. He then mentions running a colonic irrigation business, which is quiet in the summer due to hose pipe bans.
Musical Interlude: Change Channels
Another musical interlude with the lyrics "Change channels as much as you can," encouraging the audience to create their own stories from different TV programs.
Scrabble and Ordinance Survey Map of Chim
Vine tells a joke about spilling a Scrabble set and struggling to find another word for "stitch." He then introduces a segment involving a survey map of Chim, calling it "ordinance participation."
Map of Chim Details
Vine describes various locations on the map of Chim, including his car, a Christian restaurant called "The Lord Giveth and Also Does Take Away," Nonsuch Palace with a front door resembling a pig's nose, and Chim wood. He jokes about his dad's unusual internal organ placement and losing his tree, so he nailed a picture of it to a dog.
Chim Station, Zoo, and Hospital
Vine continues describing the map, pointing out Chim station, where he found an old train ticket from 1979. He mentions Chim Zoo, where he got "babooned off" during a gig, and Chim Hospital, where he encountered a pixelated pixie with too much hemoglobin. He jokes about needing to get drunk when crossing borders and being called a borderline alcoholic by a doctor.
Internal Organs and Silly Scenarios
Vine jokes about his internal organs and shares a series of one-liners. He jokes about a bloke dressing up as a small island off the coast of Italy and refusing to do a parachute jump, where the instructor asks how long he's been an instructor mid-jump.
Llama and Antique Dealer
Vine interacts with the audience, asking someone if they have a llama. He tells jokes about attending a barbecue, meeting the inventor of window sills, and an antique dealer asking about the Chinese dynasty.
Swedish Furniture Shop and Singing
Vine jokes about opening a shop in Saudi Arabia and his grandfather designing the lions in Trafalgar Square. He tells a joke about going to a Swedish furniture shop and buying furniture polish. He then announces that the audience will sing with him, despite being totally deaf, and introduces a song called "Subtraction."
Musical Interlude: Subtraction
Vine performs a repetitive song called "Subtraction," featuring simple lyrics and an easy dance.
Bruce Willis and Binoculars
Vine impersonates Bruce Willis and tells jokes about being in a Die Hard film. He jokes about going to a binocular shop and the difference between binoculars and a telescope.
Vegetables and Local Pub
Vine jokes about whether every sentence needs a vegetable and the word "mortar" having two different meanings. He shares a joke about a drunk man in a local pub who challenges him to name a subject he doesn't have a joke about.
Bad Gig and Pantomime Wasp
Vine tells a joke about a bad gig where he only heard one person clapping, revealing he was wearing flip-flops. He mentions doing a gig for a whole letter of reindeers and his first job playing the back half of a pantomime wasp.
Lost in the Jungle and Blue Garden Bird
Vine jokes about getting lost in the jungle and using a compass to draw perfect circles. He mentions a small blue garden bird made of mahogany, wishing he had a related joke.
Musical Interlude: Waiting
Another musical interlude with the theme of waiting.
Creepy and Pay-As-You-Go Phone
Vine does something "creepy" and tells a joke about a friend mocking his pay-as-you-go phone, leading him to take out a contract and have the friend killed.
Disturbing and Rubber Band Windchime
Vine tells a joke about someone threatening to wake him up while he's asleep, calling it disturbing. He mentions his worst invention being a rubber band windchime.
Taramasalata and AB Sailing
Vine tells a joke about walking into the waves with taramasalata and taking a dip in the sea. He jokes about steering a yacht with his stomach muscles, calling it "AB sailing."
Rounding Up Sheep and Final Thoughts
Vine tells a joke about a farmer asking him to round up 68 sheep, and he rounds them up to 70. He expresses concerns about growing old and being attacked, thanking the audience for being sensational and ending the show.
