Brief Summary
This video presents a collection of psychological tricks and strategies to influence people, build rapport, and improve communication. It covers a wide range of techniques, from subtle body language cues to specific word choices, all designed to make interactions more effective and persuasive.
- Touch can create a sense of connection and increase compliance.
- Starting with a large request makes smaller requests seem more reasonable.
- Silence can create pressure, causing people to reveal more information.
- Mirroring body language builds trust and rapport.
- Smiling while delivering a rejection can soften the blow and maintain a positive connection.
- Using a person's name makes them feel valued and liked.
- Expressing uncertainty can make you sound more intelligent and trustworthy.
- Giving a choice can increase compliance by making people feel in control.
- Pausing before answering can make you seem more thoughtful and intelligent.
- Complimenting someone's taste, rather than their appearance, can create a deeper connection.
- Standing behind someone can influence their behavior by creating a sense of being watched.
- Nodding while talking can encourage agreement.
- Copying someone's posture can build rapport.
- Mentioning someone's future can make them feel understood.
- Asking for a favor can increase liking.
- Using "because" can make requests more persuasive, even if the reason is nonsensical.
- Repeating someone's last words can encourage them to keep talking.
- Faking a yawn can make others feel tired.
- Asking for help and letting someone teach you can build a connection.
- Touching an object while talking can make your words more memorable.
- Making something seem rare can increase its desirability.
- Speaking slower can make you sound more authoritative.
- Lowering your voice at the end of a sentence can make it sound more final.
- Letting someone correct you can make them feel superior and more receptive.
- Asking "What would you do?" instead of "Why?" can encourage reflection rather than defensiveness.
- Delaying answering can prompt people to fill in the gaps with their own thoughts.
- Using their words, not yours, can build rapport and understanding.
- Telling them they're free can increase compliance.
- Speaking less than them can increase your influence.
- Telling them they're good at it can motivate them to prove you right.
You Obey People Who Touch You First
Touch is a powerful tool for influence, creating a sense of connection that can lead to increased compliance. A light touch, such as a handshake, a pat on the shoulder, or a tap on the elbow, can make people feel more connected to the person initiating the touch. This connection bypasses mental defenses, making individuals more open, trusting, and likely to agree with requests. The key is timing; the touch should occur at an appropriate moment, such as during laughter or gratitude, to create a genuine sense of connection rather than control.
Start With a Ridiculous Ask — Then Go Small
The "door in the face" technique involves making a large, unreasonable request followed by a smaller, more reasonable one. People are more likely to agree to the smaller request because it feels like a favor in comparison to the initial, larger demand. This works due to contrast; our brains judge things based on what came before. The initial request doesn't need to be serious, but it must be delivered with enough seriousness to elicit a "no," which then makes the subsequent, smaller request seem more appealing and manageable.
Silence Makes People Spill Secrets
Silence can be a powerful tool for eliciting information from others. After asking a question, remaining silent encourages the other person to continue talking, even if they have already answered. This is because silence creates pressure and discomfort, which people are inclined to alleviate by filling the void with more details, feelings, or secrets. The key is to be genuinely patient and avoid faking the silence, allowing the other person to feel the weight of the moment and the urge to escape it.
Mirror Their Body — They’ll Trust You Instantly
Mirroring someone's body language creates a sense of familiarity and trust. When you subtly copy their posture, tone, and gestures, their brain receives a signal that you are similar to them, fostering a sense of connection. The mirroring should be gentle and delayed to avoid appearing obvious or contrived. By slipping into their rhythm, you can lower their guard and make them feel more comfortable and trusting.
Reject Someone While Smiling — They’ll Say Yes
Rejecting someone with kindness, conveyed through a smile and warm tone, can keep them open and receptive. The brain responds more to emotion than logic, so a smile can soften the blow of a rejection and maintain a positive connection. This approach makes people feel respected even when being turned down, and in some cases, it can even make them more agreeable to your terms.
Say Their Name Enough and They’ll Like You
Using a person's name makes them feel seen, valued, and liked. Hearing one's own name activates areas in the brain associated with reward, praise, and love. Using their name in greetings, agreements, and thanks creates a personal connection and makes them feel important. The key is to use their name naturally and avoid overdoing it, which can come across as insincere.
Uncertainty Makes You Sound Smarter
Expressing a small amount of doubt or uncertainty can make you sound more intelligent and trustworthy. Real experts acknowledge that the world is complex and that nothing is ever 100% guaranteed. Phrases like "I could be wrong, but..." or "It's likely" convey honesty and thoughtfulness, making people more inclined to trust your judgment. However, it's important to strike a balance and avoid excessive uncertainty, which can make you seem unsure and weak.
Give Them a Choice — Then Get Your Way
Giving someone a choice between two options that both lead to your desired outcome can increase compliance. This technique makes people feel in control, reducing their resistance and making them more likely to agree. The choices must feel real and fair, not like a trap. By letting people feel like they are steering the ship, you can guide them to your desired destination without them feeling forced.
Pause Before Answering to Seem More Intelligent
Pausing before answering a question can make you seem more intelligent and thoughtful. This delay conveys that you are carefully considering your words, rather than rushing to speak. Pauses create a sense of weight and importance, making people listen more closely and believe what you say. Additionally, pausing gives you time to formulate a better response and choose your words more deliberately.
Compliment Their Taste — Not Them
Complimenting someone's taste, rather than their appearance or possessions, creates a deeper connection. This approach acknowledges their judgment, eye for detail, and personal style, rather than just the surface level. Complimenting their taste makes them feel seen and understood for who they are, not just what they have.
Stand Behind Them and They Behave Better
Standing behind someone can influence their behavior by creating a subtle sense of being watched. This presence encourages them to be more careful with their words and actions, even without direct interaction or judgment. The key is to be present without being threatening, allowing the person to feel aware of your presence without feeling overly scrutinized.
Nod While Talking — They’ll Agree Without Noticing
Nodding while talking can encourage agreement by sending a nonverbal signal that what you are saying is true and understood. This subtle movement can influence the listener to nod along, reinforcing their agreement and making them more likely to accept your point of view. The nodding should be natural and not overdone to avoid appearing insincere.
Copy Their Posture — It Builds Fake Rapport
Copying someone's posture can build rapport by creating a sense of connection and similarity. Mirroring their body language, such as leaning back or crossing their legs, makes them feel like you are on the same wavelength. The mirroring should be subtle and delayed to avoid appearing obvious or contrived.
Mention Their Future — They’ll Think You Know Them
Mentioning someone's future in a positive and confident way can make them feel understood and known. This approach suggests that you see something special in them that others may not have noticed yet. Even if your predictions are vague, they can plant a seed of belief in their mind and create a connection between you and their aspirations.
Ask a Favor — They’ll Like You More
Asking someone for a small favor can increase their liking of you, known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. When people do something for you, their brain tries to justify why, often leading them to believe they like you. The favor should be real but light, and expressing sincere gratitude reinforces the positive association.
Use “Because” — Even If the Reason’s Nonsense
Using the word "because" can make requests more persuasive, even if the reason provided is nonsensical. The word "because" signals that there is a reason for the request, which satisfies people's need for understanding and makes them more likely to comply. The reason should be honest and not a blatant lie, but it doesn't need to be particularly strong or logical.
Repeat Their Last Words — They’ll Keep Talking
Repeating someone's last words can encourage them to keep talking by making them feel heard and understood. This technique shows that you are paying attention and are genuinely interested in what they have to say. The repetition should be subtle and not overdone, focusing on the most important words to encourage them to elaborate further.
Fake a Yawn — And Make the Room Tired
Faking a yawn can make others feel tired due to the contagious nature of yawns. Yawns are a reflex that is often triggered by seeing someone else yawn, indicating a connection and shared emotion. This technique can be used to calm a tense room or test the connection with someone.
Ask for Help — Then Let Them Teach You
Asking for help and letting someone teach you can build a connection by making them feel useful and important. Teaching is personal and requires attention, which makes the teacher feel invested in your growth. This approach is more effective when you genuinely want help and allow them to lead, rather than faking ignorance.
Touch an Object While Talking — They’ll Remember
Touching an object while talking can make your words more memorable by creating a physical connection to your message. Handling an object during a conversation helps people focus and ties your words to the object, making your message harder to forget. The object doesn't need to have inherent meaning; you give it meaning through your actions.
Make It Seem Rare — They’ll Want It More
Making something seem rare can increase its desirability due to the principle of scarcity. People want what is hard to get, driven by the fear of missing out. Framing something as limited or exclusive makes it feel more valuable and urgent. The key is to be honest and avoid creating fake pressure, simply framing the opportunity in a way that highlights its limited availability.
Speak Slower — You’ll Sound Like Authority
Speaking slower can make you sound more authoritative and confident. Slow speech conveys control and certainty, making people lean in and listen more attentively. Pausing and breathing between sentences gives your words room to echo and allows people time to think. The key is to avoid dragging your words unnaturally, simply slowing your pace and letting silence do its work.
Lower Your Voice at the End — It Feels Final
Lowering your voice at the end of a sentence can make it feel final and authoritative. This technique conveys that what you are saying is a fact and not up for debate. The dip in your voice signals completion and control, making people more likely to believe you.
Let Them Correct You — They’ll Feel Superior
Letting someone correct you, even in a small way, can make them feel superior and more receptive. This approach gives them a little win and makes them feel like their voice matters. By not pushing back, you change the rules and create a connection, making them more likely to trust you.
Ask “What Would You Do?” — Not “Why”
Asking "What would you do?" instead of "Why?" can encourage reflection rather than defensiveness. "Why" questions can feel like blame, causing people to shut down. "What would you do?" puts them in your shoes and invites them into the moment, fostering a conversation rather than an interrogation.
Delay Answering — People Fill In the Gaps
Delaying answering a question can prompt people to fill in the gaps with their own thoughts and feelings. This technique uses silence as pressure, encouraging them to reveal more than they intended. The key is to be calm and let the moment breathe, allowing them to process and potentially offer more information.
Use Their Words — Not Yours
Using their words, not yours, can build rapport and understanding. When you repeat someone's exact words or close to it, they feel heard and mirrored. This approach shows that you are paying attention and trying to understand their perspective, building trust and connection.
Tell Them They’re Free — They’ll Obey More
Telling someone they're free to choose can increase compliance by removing the feeling of being forced. This technique, known as the freedom technique, acknowledges their autonomy and reduces resistance. By reminding them that it's up to them, you make them more likely to choose what you wanted all along.
Speak Less Than Them — You’ll Win Influence
Speaking less than them can increase your influence by allowing them to fill the space and feel more connected to you. People love to speak and be heard, and when you let them do that without interruption, they remember it and trust you more. The key is to be present and engaged, but not dominating the conversation.
Tell Them They’re Good at It — They’ll Prove You Right
Telling someone they're good at something can motivate them to prove you right. This approach taps into the self-fulfilling prophecy, where belief in their abilities changes how they act and leads to improvement. The key is to be genuine and point out real effort or talent, helping them grow in ways you might not expect.
