Full transcript of “5 TRAPS That DESTROY Your 20s”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:00 I want to fly Naina, I want to run , I want to fall even, I just don't want to stop. Is this just Bunny's story? He is not listening to us at all. Because just like Bunny, there comes a time in our life too when we make many new friends. Among whom we laugh heartily. A trip is planned, new memories are created. When I fall in love with someone, I say I love you. And the fever of his memories rises to my head. that you have trapped me. You have hurt me. You get the first step in your career. The family's expectations increase. We make many plans and move forward weaving thousands of dreams. But despite all this, it definitely comes to mind once that why is my life not as exciting as it should be? Why does he get everything and we often
0:46 remain empty handed. So this rat is the reason behind all this. Imagine this rat is roaming around in a house. He is searching for some food and suddenly he smells something far away and while running after it he sees a cheese slice. The rat runs towards it with full force and as it takes the first bite, just like the rat, at one point we too are full of energy and we see many cheese slices. At that age he looks very tempting. They look attractive. Even if they don't harm us, because of them we come across 20 traps. [Music]
1:44 Talking about statistics, 90% of the students say that they choose the wrong career. 79% of youngsters are never able to save properly. 87% are due to relationship stress. And if we talk about health, today heart attacks are occurring in the 50s as well as 20s. I myself have seen thousands of ups and downs in my 20s. I have seen many problems and I do n't know how many good and bad things I have seen. But observing life and training more than 1 lakh people. Between these two, I have seen five things and traps of this phase. Things mean those things which we all like during this time and traps are those invisible problems in which we get trapped. So this is not just a learning video. This is going to be a journey of your identification. Where
2:32 you will know what those traps are. In which traps are you trapped? But you will get 20 combs in this video. Which will help you in breaking these traps. will show you the way. Will make your 20s memorable. You will get to know how you can enjoy every moment and also build a strong foundation at 20 and after that we will talk about three such bitter truths which you must know at 20. So let's go on this journey together and understand each trap one by one. You know when do you see the first cheese slices in the 20s, when for the first time do you hear a voice from within saying there must be someone. Someone who sends good morning early in the morning, who says that he
3:17 cannot sleep at night without talking to you. The one whose I miss you can make your whole day and with whom you get butterflies in your stomach when you talk to him for the first time. Now, some people get it on Insta Chat and some get it on the neighbour's rooftop. Some meet in the corridor and some at the party. Biologically, being attracted to someone for the first time brings a tsunami of hormones in the brain. According to Professor Cynthia Kabu, at this time one's reward system becomes as hyper as when taking cocaine. That's why we feel high in someone's presence and we start craving on seeing his/her name. So now the story begins with casual chatting which turns into attraction in some time and before we know it, dating begins and all this is neither new nor
4:03 wrong because for some people who meet at 20 stay together till 80, their conversation never stops and in childhood they are laughing and joking with each other, pulling each other's legs and making new couple goals. These are the ones who never get caught in the trap even if they want to. But for some people the story turns upside down at this point. Like everyone else, their relationship starts with a dream. Every call, every text message feels absolutely special. But with time everything starts becoming routine. There is nothing left to say to those with whom I used to talk for hours. Block unblock is going on with those whose messages were awaited. Those who understood everything would say this, friend, you could never understand me. Now the reason for this is not falling in love. But
4:50 build the whole world around it. Leaving aside personal goals, family, friends and even yourself, and still keeping track of that one relationship. And ultimately this is the reason that when I don't get a reply, my whole day feels ruined. If he gets angry for any reason then I feel guilty about myself. If he leaves, we feel emptiness. What does that eventually create? A toxic comfort means a trap of relationships. Where even after seeing all this, even after facing so many problems, we compromise on that one relationship. Breakup happens in anger, fight goes on for some time and then patch up after some time. It is not wrong. But after some time, the same fights, the same expectations, the same guilt and we remain stuck in that loop. Now here, relationship is not a trap, but because of that one relationship, there is a
5:38 distance from all other relationships and one's own absence. And those who do not fall into this trap may be trapped in one or the other four traps. When school or college ends, the first question that comes to mind is what to do next ? And many times we ourselves are not sure and start thinking about the easiest line that comes out of our mouth. Do engineering, MBA or prepare for government exam. And this is the time when we get solutions and suggestions without even asking for them. Someone tells me to do this course. There is a lot of scope in this. And someone says brother find a stable job. At this time your focus should be only on this. So our new face begins with what we feel is right. A profile is created on Lindin. Take one or two courses online. Motivational reels keep playing and we repeatedly tell ourselves that next time
6:25 I will definitely get selected. Deep inside, there is a desire to make the parents feel proud. In fact this is the biggest driving force and ultimately with hard work we reach a good job. A decent salary, a new routine, a new office, a new stable life. And most importantly a satisfied family. Now after some time, when the first salary comes, then I feel that life is on track now. But with time one slowly starts to realise that Monday to Saturday work, Sunday a little peace, some remaining housework, then everyday the same mails, the same meetings, the same faces and at night on the bed again the same question, friend I am working but I am not getting that much peace. This is where we begin to see our career trap. When thoughts come to mind that
7:10 perhaps I should have known myself a little better while choosing a career. Maybe I should have done more research. You should have understood your interest. Maybe I am fascinated with digital marketing. I had to do something food related, friend. I had no interest in any creative field. I wanted to do video editing or I wanted to create my own YouTube channel. But at the end a line comes to mind that friend, you are getting your salary, don't think too much. What else do you want? Meaning, by seeing and feeling that trap, we start learning to live in it. Now you must be thinking, what is suction? Solutions will be available when we talk about 20s comps. Now let us understand the rest of the traps. There was a philosopher in the 18th century named Denis Diderot. Who once bought a red
7:57 rope. The same red rope that Doctor Strange wears. Now he bought the rope but after that, unconsciously, he redecorated his entire house without wanting to. Do you know what the reason is? Dennis felt that the rope did not match the old furniture and other things in the house. So he renovated every corner of the house. So that robe could sink in that house. And from this incident emerged a psychological term called 'that did not have any effect'. It means that after getting something new, you have to take your old world to its level. And we go through this Dortot effect in our 20s too when we get our first salary. I picked up my phone and checked my account and as soon as I saw those numbers , I felt a strange sense of happiness in my heart. Now you won't have to ask for money from anyone.
8:45 I have become independent now. Now I can live for myself. We get ourselves a new pair of shoes without any permission. There is a new saree for mummy. Do something special for them. We throw a party for our friends to celebrate. Now I am getting coffee for Rs 150 instead of Rs 50. Because now it seems I can afford it. And honestly this is not wrong. You have worked hard for so many years, so you have to live for yourself. why are you earning But I don't know how one day I realize why my pocket is empty in the last week of every month. The room rent is still pending. The person who was to bring the ration had some left and when I checked the account, the balance was ₹273. And then we laugh and say, it doesn't matter, only a few days are left. The next salary is about to come. But the next salary does the same. A little happiness, a little debt and a little guilt and then repeat. According to the survey, 60% of the people are
9:34 never able to save properly. 91% of people said that the main reason for their poor mental and physical health is financial stress. But there is no problem in this either. The real problem is to become comfortable in this situation. Meaning The Penny Trap. We think that this happens to everyone. The credit card bill will come, everyone pays it. Do you know what the result is ? Today in India more than 80% of cars, 70% of iPhones and 97% of credit card holders are on EMI. Meaning, with the passage of time, paying EMI is no longer a loan but is becoming a part of people’s life. Overall, the monthly earning which is meant to make us independent, we are actually trapping ourselves with the same.
10:24 In the year 2000, some researchers conducted an online experiment. He created a game called Cyber Ball in which two participants would play a ball passing game together. Do you remember that game we used to play in childhood of passing the ball to each other, but here one participant was real and there were two computer bots, so when the game starts, after some time those bots leave the real participant and start playing among themselves. After repeating the same thing with many different people, the researchers observed that in every case the participant became sad after being left out. He starts to feel a strange kind of emotional pain or feels lonely. And the same thing happens in our 20s when a big concern for us is people's perspective. People's
11:11 attitude towards us. When someone meets you on a good day and says, brother, you are looking great today. After hearing this once, we feel that now I want to hear this again and again. I am looking good. I want to feel a little better. Now I have to become a little more perfect. And of course, that’s not wrong. It's good to better yourself. What's the problem with that? But the problem becomes apparent when we start getting stressed out in this affair. Getting ready to go to a party or function. Wearing my favorite white shirt. But as soon as I went out someone said, brother, what are you wearing? It looks very useless. Wear something else. Within a second they create hormonal imbalance in their brain. The shirt we were getting excited about. You get into doubt about that same shirt. But this is not the main problem. The real trap is created when this same
11:57 hormonal imbalance starts happening to you everywhere and all the time. You have to look cool in front of your friends in college. Do you want to look smart by cracking jokes in some gossip or do you want to become classy just by buying expensive brands. This is not just my random observations, but a research study according to which 55% of people feel that their self-worth depends on how they appear in the eyes of the public. What others think about them. In fact, its biggest impact is seen on social media. Where most of the people post to show their better life to others rather than for self-satisfaction. Where one feels happy on getting 100 likes but if the likes are reduced to 40, everything feels bad. But imagine if 40 people in a day
12:45 tell you that you are looking really good today, you will probably remember that day for months. But on social media we say only 40 likes. Meaning that people's advice and feedback fundamentally work to make us better. But many people in their 20s start depending on them and keep stressing themselves. I go on making myself sad. The thing that I did the most in my childhood was restrictions. If you want to go out, ask mom, if you want to go out with friends, ask dad. If I want to buy something else, where will I get the money from? Even if you slept too much on a holiday, it seemed like a big crime. But all this changes when we leave the school uniforms and enter our 20s. When you start a job
13:31 or start earning. Then we get that thing for which we have been yearning for 18-20 years – freedom or self- dependence. It is a bit difficult to handle it in the beginning but slowly it starts to become a bit of fun. Food of your choice, go wherever you want with it. Stay awake as late as you want and wake up whenever you want. We get our own personal space. You understand your own habits and develop your own personality. But as Spiderman says, with great power comes great responsibilities. With great power comes great responsibility. Similarly, with time we also understand that now we will have to handle all our tension ourselves. Now you will have to take your own decisions regarding your problems which are actually
14:18 not real issues. Rather, the real problem arises when this self-dependency starts converting into loneliness. When you start pressurizing yourself in the name of handling everything yourself. In the name of showing yourself strong, you start hiding your problems from others. Where at one time I used to tell everything to my mother. Today we tell them, no no, nothing, mother, everything is fine. I start feeling hesitant to share my problems with those friends with whom I used to stay awake all night. In an online survey of 1400 people, it was revealed that 60% of them had stresses related to their lives but were unable to share them with anyone despite wanting to. Meaning, loneliness is not when there is no one around you to talk to. Loneliness is when
15:05 despite everyone being around, you are not able to express yourself completely or share it. And what ultimately grows out of this? Internal stress, mental suppression and missing satisfaction in overall life. Now, the five traps are clear to you and everybody must be thinking in their mind, which trap are we in, in which one we have a little and in which we have none? And if you are not in any trap, then how to avoid them? Look, 20 is such an age where we get two types of advices. Some people say whatever you want to do, do it at this age. Become the maximum. Make whatever foundation you want. Take it seriously, work hard in your 20s because you won't get life again. And some people say live as much as you want, make as many memories as you want, have as much fun as you want, do it in 20s
15:50 because you won't get life again. So what would be a right wise solution in such a situation? So that there are no regrets and there are also memories. I am sure you too must have seen some people around you, cousins, relatives or acquaintances who are in their 30s but are successful. live happy. He also has a lot of knowledge. Are good in career. Family wise, things are also very good. Energy is also there. Also good in fitness. Those people have lived their 20s. The foundation is made in 20. So now, based on my training experience with you and the experiences of all the people that I meet, from successful to failure, I am giving you solutions. First of all, we will understand this solution and after that I will tell you those three bitter truths which you must know in 20. So let's come to the solution. My first point is the reverse plan.
16:37 reverse engineer. Do you know why I am asking you to reverse plan? Because you too must have heard many such sessions, brother, think positive, make goals, work hard. But first of all do you know what the problem is ? That we are so immersed in the present. There are so many things in the present that the future becomes blurred. what to do today? When you start thinking like this the future becomes blurred. Therefore the solution is in reverse. I would say do it now or else you can do it after watching the video. Close your eyes. Imagine you're in your 30s. You are in your 30s. You stand in front of yourself and how do you see yourself in your 30s? What kind of person do you want to become? How are you career wise? What are you doing? What kind of income level is you? How are you financially? How much are you saving? What things have you taken?
17:24 How are your relations? How are you feeling physically and mentally ? What is the energy level? How confident are you? How much is the piece inside? What kind of passions are you following? What hobbies do you enjoy? How is your career, relationships, finance, your physical and mental level, your daily life? Ask yourself this question. Let me add a disclaimer that it should be realistic. It should seem possible to you from inside. I am 22 today. I will be a billionaire by the age of 30. Its a realistic possibility in your life. If this is not a realistic possibility in your life then you are just day dreaming. Here I am asking you to think practically. Now you understand where we want to reach. Now we have to audit our present. You see, if you think that you have to go to Ladakh. Right? So first you will look at your present and not where you stand today. How many kilometers is it from here? Is my vehicle suitable to go to that place or
18:11 not? How much petrol will be needed? How much budget will be required? Do I have the driving skills to go to Ladakh or not? This entire audit is necessary. Similarly, while auditing the present, the tool that will take you to the future, from here to there, is your 20 Capital Compass. First, I’d like to take a minute of your time and tell you about my upcoming live workshop. If you are not interested in knowing about it then you can skip this part. Now look, everything was taught to us in school and college but no one ever taught us how to use the actual power of the mind. Majority of people spend their entire life like this. But we do not spend some time to learn how to use the power of this mind. And for the last 12 years I have been guiding people on
18:56 how to reprogram their mind. You can break down your mental barriers and live to your highest potential. And now on 10th August I am bringing a live powerful life transformation workshop which you can attend from your home on zoom. In this 4 hour live session, I am going to give you a step by step transformation experience. Do you want to know what is subconscious mind? What is his power? Why are you who you are today? How your subconscious mind controls your every decision, your success and failure. We will talk about manifestation. How I changed my life through manifestation and I will explain it scientifically. I will provide you with the methods and tools to convert your dreams into reality. We will make a 21 day
19:44 action plan. This will turn your confusion into clarity. Fear will turn into confidence and your procrastination will now turn into action. This Limitless Workshop is not a recorded course. This is a live workshop. This is only for limited people in which I will also take your questions. I will also give you tools and make you shift in real time. You also get a workbook which you fill along the way and when you fill it, you are able to understand yourself deeply. I would say in simple terms that at the cost of a pizza you can change your entire future life and if after the workshop you feel that Emish did not give us value then you can take your money back. So if you feel that the time has come that you should live your life in your own way and with your own control and not depending on fate,
20:31 then you will find the link in the description below. So what do you have to do? Take a page, make a circle in the centre, capital compass and make five circles around it. Small big big big big. Right? And put a number 5 4 3 2 1 these are your ratings. Five means outstanding, four means very good. Three means good, two means improvement is needed. Forest means the condition is very bad. Now we will understand the six capitals which are important for you in 20. It forms your foundation and is useful to you throughout your life. And you will assess yourself. You will audit yourself as to where you stand in which capital. So the first capital that we need to audit ourselves is skill capital. Skill wise, where do you rate yourself between one to five? But you must understand that when someone has
21:16 skills then he does not need to show off. His skills are his confidence. His skills are his future security. His skills are his financial generation plan. You took my pen. So rate yourself whether I have those skills or am I regularly learning those skills which will help me grow. Which will secure my future finances where you genuinely and honestly feel at what level you are, rate yourself. Second is financial capital. Let me give you a small fact. I will give you a small calculation because I have been involved with mutual funds for a long time. So, I am giving an example from there. If you invest Rs 5000 monthly at the age of 22 and if we take a return of 12%, then at the age of 60 you would have made Rs 3 crore 90 lakh, meaning almost Rs 4 crore. But
22:03 if you start at the age of 30 instead of 22. Do you know how much it is per month at the age of 60 ? 1.5 crores. So, if you do n't start saving every month at the age of 20 and start at the age of 30, how much difference will it make? How much difference has there been in eight years ? Worth two and a half crores. Therefore, look financially also, whether you have the habit of saving and investing. You are doing something on that side. Rate yourself considering your habits, your financial position and your dreams. Third is social capital. There was a name in the 1857 rivet, Tatya. He was quite strong. There was planning, courage, everything but no one's support. And what was the result? The British kept harassing him. Till when? Unless Rani Lakshmibai is with him. Before that his fight was his alone. But when both of them joined together, the British became nervous. Your relations,
22:50 your friends, your network, the people around you, they play a very important role in your 20s. Larry Page and Sarjebin met in the 20s, Google was formed. Steve Jobs and Steve Was met in the early 20s. Apple made it. Sachin and Benny Bansal met in their 20s. Was working in Amazon. Flipkart was created. And Alak Pandey got both for his teaching and Pratik Maheshwari got both for his entrepreneurship. The physics guy became a unicorn. Actually it is a very simple thing, friend. Sometimes a dream job can be found with just one connection. Sometimes a solid idea can be found in one conversation. And sometimes just by telling a friend that you can do it, a kind of power comes inside the person. So basically there are many people around you. That is why it is said that a single gram cannot break the hand. Next is intellectual capital. Have you ever wondered how those people who can instantly give a solution to any situation
23:36 , the idea comes to their mind instantly, do it ? A big reason for this is that there is knowledge clarity in their minds. Many accomplished guests appear on my podcast. Be it IAS officer Tanu Jain or Oyo founder Hitesh Agarwal. Be it Anupam Mittal or Dr. Velmani, I have noticed one common thing in all of them; in every guest, they have laid a lot of emphasis on learning in the 20s. He must have taken time to learn it. By meeting people through books and podcasts, they enjoy the idea of keeping on learning something or the other. We are going on a drive so let's listen to some podcasts. If you are sitting idle then let's consume something that will increase your knowledge. So understand yourself as to where you rate yourself knowledge wise and intelligence wise. I am sure if you consume such videos then you are doing good.
24:23 Next is emotional capital. Your emotional stamina. I have been life coaching for the past 14 years. And I have seen this again and again that people who are mentally strong do not break down even during tough times in life. He knows how to maintain balance. Be it an emotional breakup or self-doubt. When a person is strong from within then other things cannot affect him that much. This is such a strength that helps you get out of every trap. Be it career, money or relationship. And the most important thing is that if you learn to handle the pen then it will be your biggest power in the future. But at this time, you will decide where you stand and what you have to do. But where do you stand? Know your own truth first. Audit yourself. What is our condition in emotional capital and emotional stamina?
25:09 Next is Vitality. Your physical capital. Now see that when Virat Kohli started taking fitness seriously, his game became 10 times better. And I also noticed this thing in the podcast that I don't see anyone sitting lazily or slouching. Everyone is full of energy. Everyone pays attention to their health and their physical body. And those who work on their fitness in their 20s. They work on their body, they feel its sense after 30. Man, I have so much energy, so much vitality, how much more productive I can be, how much more I can enjoy. I can also give time to my family. Fatigue is reduced. Think about its benefits. Body fit means high energy. High energy means more productivity, more money, better relationships, more success, everything is connected. And especially today
25:57 when heart attacks are occurring in people's 20s, our generation is feeling like 60 in their 40s. So audit yourself. Look where we stand in vitality and physical capital. When you actually audit it , these 20 capital comps will tell you where you stand. Its purpose is not to create panic. Its purpose is not to break your confidence. The purpose of this is not how much brother is going to do. We can be happy that I got clarity about myself. In the coming years, I will know which area is my strength, which is my weakness and how to improve it. How can I make my life the best by creating balance? Now how will this happen? Let me tell you. If you look at it like this, you will see that brother is going to do a lot. Where do I start? I will give you the solution. You created the audit. Now we just have to take one decision at a time. This is called the one decision rule. This
26:43 can also be monthly, what is the decision this month? My decision this month is that I have to develop the habit of meditation. So that I can build emotional stamina. And this month you have to focus only on the habit of meditation. After a month it will have become part of the habit. If I am feeling its benefits then I will continue it. It might not be happening. I'll look for something else. But I decided to develop a habit. The next month my rating increased. My audit improved me. Emotional stamina improved. Now I can see where I need to focus. So you should not take 50 decisions at once. Take one decision at a time. But think, if just five of your decisions become different from 20 to 30, how much does your life change? It's been 10 years, so much has changed. When you turn 15, everything changes. So we set a big goal
27:29 , reverse planned our present and gradually made decisions a tool to reach there. Now those three uncomfortable truths. Those bitter truths which you must know. First, not everything will be perfect at 20. In fact, everything is not perfect at any stage of life. 20 has its own traps. Ours will arrive in 30th. Having a mid life crisis. Parenting needs to be understood. There is stability. A lot happens. 40 50 60 everyone has their own. Right? So nothing is perfect in my life. There are traps in my life. There is no need to live in this panic. There is no need to make everything perfect. Accept this. There will be problems. The more you learn, the better you will become. Secondly, how did I fail, friend? I can't fail. We fail. This is the bitter truth. Accept this.
28:14 Failure is not a problem. Being stuck in failure, being stuck, that is the problem. So the more failures there are, the more learnings there are. This doesn't mean that you fail every day. But don't be afraid of failure. Failure is a bitter but beneficial truth. Third, I still have a lot of time. Time is your biggest asset and we waste it most in our 20s. I am in my 30s. You are in your 20s. I am telling you from my experience. The energy that is there at 20 is not there again. The time in 20 is different. 20 has fewer responsibilities. We can do more with our bodies. Can be more productive. You can also have more fun. You can also gain more experience. You can live longer also. But maximum people waste that time in confusions, drama, and in
29:01 meeting the expectations and validations of others. Look there is no 20 trap. There are some traps inside the 20. But today we have understood those traps so we will be able to get out of those traps. So now after watching this video you have two options. First, you can comment. It was a great video. It was very inspiring and now you go watch the next video and again remain uncomfortable in the comfort of the same traps. And the second option is to switch off your phone right now. Take out a notepad and do that exercise honestly. Take yourself back to 30 years ago. Talk to him. Do your audit and make your first decision. Want to fly like a bunny, want to run, want to fall, everything is ok. But in which direction is it necessary? And now after this activity you will have direction.
29:48 See you again in the next video. Till then stay happy, keep sharing happiness. I love you all. [music]
