Full transcript of “Harry Potter and the Cucking of Snape”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:02 Honestly, if Professor Slughorn assigns one more essay before the holidays, I might just ask him if he’d like me to brew the essay instead. That could be an idea? But then it would have to be done like that forever. Not everyone lives day and night thinking about potions as he does, and you. Yeah. Oh, he is here. Hey. You’re late. Sorry, you know how it is, Quidditch records don’t break themselves. You got it? I haven’t had time to copy it yet, I’ll give it back tomorrow. I have class tomorrow and I’ll need it in the morning. I will be there this time. I hope so. Oh right, about Slughorn’s class. Don’t even mention it. I heard the essay is due by the end of the month. So, next week.
0:48 Maybe you could help me? I’m a bit busy, but maybe Severus can help you. And who is that? A friend. James Potter. Severus Snape. Nice to meet you, Severus. But I would rather it be you. Why me? I think you’ll explain it better than he. Excuse me. Guys, I need to deliver this; these are very sensitive potions. Move it, Snivellus. It’s important for the professor... Oh no. Snivellus, you did it again. Thanks a lot, Snape. You know how Muggles call them? Grand wizards. You see what they did to them? Muggles are wild. I have an idea.
1:37 Expelliarmus... Nice one, James. Impedimenta. Why? Why? You don’t know? Because I’m in Slytherin? No, it’s not about you being in different hous es, or that you’re my girlfriend’s best gay friend. I’m not gay. Are you sure? You look zasty to me. No I’m not. It’s not about being homophobic; we are not. For example, Peter here, raging homosexual. Facts. I’m not raging. So anyway, we’re not hanging you because you sleep in the cellar, or smelly, Or because you’re constantly yapping to my girlfriend that she deserves better. We are doing this because you are black. Just remember, you only have one chance. I can’t get you a second Polyjuice Potion.
2:23 It has to be a teacher, don’t take the caretaker's hair, he has no access there, you understand? Yeah, I get it. So, do you know who to take? Severus? Snape? What’s going on here? Oh shit. Professor Slughorn. What are you doing? Don’t you have dance partners? When I was your age, I was already in the observatory with Selena. Selene?
3:08 Miss Carroway? What? Don’t spread rumors, you hear me. By the way, what is this smell? Is that Nightshade Emberleaf? It is? I don’t smell anything. I mean it was already in the air when we came here. Do we have any classes together? No professor. Don’t you like potion classes? Not really. And you are? Rosier. You see, Mr. Rosier, not everyone is meant to be great. Right Severus? A man is known by the company he keeps. And remember, Professor Thorne’s spell still works; if you smoke this on school grounds, you’ll grow horns and lose house points. Why do I still smell it? I’d tell you to open a window, but… ah, whatever. Alright, give me a hit. I tossed it. What? Yeah, I threw it off the balcony.
3:55 No way, how could you?! What was I supposed to do? He showed up! Couldn’t you just shove it in your pocket? Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I should never give you anything. I think we are similar. We notice the same things. Something bad is happening in this country, you see it too, don’t you? Goblins, old wizards, they’re all working together, a bunch of traitors. It’s a shame not everyone is able to give their life for an idea, as long as they still have distractions. If no one does something soon, future generations won’t forgive us, if there are any. And you, Severus, what are you willing to sacrifice? Cassian, Cassian, look what I found. What is it? A map? You can see where everyone is.
4:41 What? Show me. How? They’re having a party, and Pettigrew was standing on the stairs. I thought I’d take his homework and rip it up, but look at this. I see Severus. As always, sits alone. Severus, have you ever seen something like this? Should we report it? It’s probably illegal. Imagine someone knowing exactly where you are all the time. That’s exactly why we won’t report it; now we know where to attack them. But now they know we have it. If needed, we’ll burn it. For now, how would they even take it if we know when they’re planning something? Can you see teachers too? All of them, even Dumbledore. No way. And ghosts? Did you check? Severus, look at his face. Did you see a ghost?
5:28 Do you know why you can make a different word by changing one letter in “witch”? Because it’s true. They are all the same. Treacherous ungrateful. Every single one. That’s not true. My mother was the most precious woman I have ever known. Of course, when I said “all,” I meant all except our mothers. I’ve been thinking a lot about how sad and unfair my life has been. All because girls haven’t been attracted to me. I’ve had to rot in loneliness. They gave chances to all those stupid, obnoxious guys, but not me? Why not? I’m such a magnificent guy. I’m civilized, intelligent, sophisticated.
6:26 Evan, Evan let go of me, you British cigarette. What did you drink? Must have been bad, hearing about Lily, you almost flew to the other side? Good thing I was there, otherwise it would have been worse for you. You smeared my sleeves and wand with spit, and I used a full Fistifico spell on your gums, and now you’re talking about cigarettes? I’m thirsty. I know, I was there. I need a drink. Then drink I don't care. I’m not drinking from a puddle. For F sake. Come on. Fizzing Phoenix. Just pour the Phoenix and hurry up, Severus is thirsty and if not,
7:13 I’ll go in there and help you, and you wouldn’t want that. The truth is, they’re not paid for standing around but for customer service. It can’t be that she’s on her period and making faces and sulking and muttering hexes at my drink for half an hour. Give me that Phoenix. Come on, Baba Yaga, give it. 4...3 sickles, What? 3 sickles. Grindelwald will get you anyway. Grindelwald will destroy you for serving the Ministry. Give me that. Come on, come on, hurry up. I’ve always wanted this stuff since I got my Hogwarts letter. Now get me another amplifier for my friend here. Why are you staring? Just make it work. Nice.
8:00 Go there, and we’ll talk to each other. Snape... Snape... Severus Snape... Snape... Snape... Severus Snape. What are you thinking about Snape? Afraid you’ll fail? If your initiation fails, you’ll be kicked out of your house, and if they catch you, you’ll be expelled from school. What will you do then? If your mother finds out you’ve been drinking Polyjuice Potion made from Cassian’s hair to look better in those long socks, she’ll kick you out, too. Attention witches and wizards, announcement from the Ministry of Magic: Severus Snape is a cuck and can’t wait to raise Lily's child. Error, error, letter not delivered, Evans’ mom is a Squib and his dad is… not there.
8:51 Gather around, latest news from Durmstrang: Severus has IBS and his mother dances for goblins. All students must hear this message: Ravenclaw Slytherin, 240–20. What was that? If I weren’t in Hogsmeade, he would have his dick so deep in your ass you’d probably transition to Hufflepuff. I can do it all day. No, you can’t. 3 galleons. Why so expensive? Recession. Those damn goblins. Severus, will you be there tomorrow? Yeah, I will. You see it every day, too. This country is falling into ruin. Look out the window, what do you see?
9:43 Poverty, depression, people wandering without purpose. It is not they who will inherit our future. Dumbledore is a sodomite; he no longer cares about future generations. Do not be deceived, do not be enchanted. Some of you think they are simply naive or stupid, but that is not true. These are their methods. They do not come with wands to force you by strength; they come to you with a smile... Hey Snape. What? It's me, Evan. Why are you not wearing the costume? I have asthma. Yeah, but you still have to be careful, feds might be here. There were fliers everywhere, so... Guys, shut the f up. He is cooking. What's up with your mask?
10:28 I wanted to stand out. I think you’re missing the point. What is the point then? You are not the main guy here; it's about the idea and shit. I also have an idea, shut up. I recognize that voice... where is this little rat? No, it’s not me. Guys, if Voldi starts blasting, I don’t want to get hit. ...But for those witches and wizards, they were the last moments of their lives. Those who think the world has moved on and that it will never happen again. Wake up, because history will write about us the same way. How much humiliation can we endure? How long can we be satisfied with scraps while those deceivers have everything? Profesor Dumbledore? Severus, I hope this stays between us. People start gossiping and stuff. ...There are more and more of us.
11:14 Perhaps those who are already awake are not in this room; perhaps they do not even know we are here, but look around, and you will find them. They are there, awakened and ready, because truth cannot be escaped. The goblins, the old wizards, they will all pay for not letting us live in peace. And when the time comes, I hope you will be ready.
