Honor God by Honoring Your Father and Mother | Paul Tan-Chi | May 3, 2026

0:00 When you and I think of our parents, what thought enters our mind? For some, great memories, great relationship, but for the vast majority, not very good relationship, not very good memories. That's why it's very important that you tune in today because today we're going to look at the fifth commandment, which is to honor your father and mother. Why does God command it? What does it mean to honor your father and mother? And how can we actually honor our father and mother especially when it's difficult? Watch this video. I have been enjoying this series on true worship. What is worship? Let's review. Worship

0:49 is read it with me. is our proper response to who God is, what he has done, and what he continues to do. And so when God took the Israelites out of Egypt before they were entering the promised land, God gave them the Ten Commandments. See, to worship God is to follow God. And he wants what is best for us, as Marty was reminding us. One of the Pharisees asked Jesus, "What is the great commandment?" What did Jesus answer in Matthew chapter 22? I want to read it for you. Verse 37, he said to him, "You

1:34 shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." And then verse 38, this is the great and foremost commandment. You know, we have been looking at the ten commandments. We finished the first four commandments. If you can remember commandment number one, you shall have no other gods before me. We talked about worship God exclusively. No other god. Commandment number two, you shall not make for yourself an idol or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth below. Worship God the right way. Remember we talked about there are many idols in our lives. God

2:22 must be number one. Commandment number three, you shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. We looked at that last week. Honor his name. We said not to take his name in vain. And then commandment number four. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it >> holy. >> Holy. honor his Sabbath day. When Jesus was telling the fa Pharisee, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, he was referring to the first four commandments. And then he went on to say this in verse 39, the second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. And then verse 40 he says this on these two

3:10 commandments depend the whole law and the prophets. So the ten commandments can be summarized in love god with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. And the second commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. So look at your neighbor now. You may or may not know them but tell them I love you. There we go. I know you love God. And as God tells us, if you love God, you will also love your neighbor. And so, these next six commandments that we're going to be going through have to deal with our relationship with one another. The first four, our relationship with God, how to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and the next six with each

3:55 other. Notice, honor your father and mother, you shall not commit murder, you shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. All of these have to do with relating to each other. And I want to point out commandment number five. It is the hinge between loving God and loving others. It is a very very important commandment. And our topic today is this. Say it with me. Honor God. by honoring your father and your mother. Can I have all the parents in the house stand up? If you're a parent, can you

4:42 stand up? Guys, just appreciate the parents in our um auditorium today. Now, as a parent, I don't want you to be thinking, "Aha, this is now the message that my children exactly need to hear." Honor your father and your mother. In reality, we all have parents. Yes. And some of us, our parents are no longer alive. But a lot of us, our parents are still alive. And this message today is for all of us. Even if your parent is not alive, your parents are still alive, they're older, we are to honor your father and your mother. And as we honor

5:28 them, we actually honor God. It's foundational. We're going to look at three questions. Why should I honor my father and my mother? What does it mean to honor my father and mother? And how can I actually honor my father and mother when it is so difficult? Because a lot of us, a lot of you, I by God's grace, I have great parents, but a lot of people majority do not have good parents. So for the rest of you that are sitting down, I want you to now stand up and let's commit to the time to the Lord in prayer. So everybody, please stand up and let's pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much that you love us. You love us so much that you gave us the ten

6:15 commandments so we actually can learn how to worship you and how to live the meaningful and abundant and purposeful life that you created us to live on this side of eternity. So we humble ourselves before you and we ask that you protect us from any distraction whether we're here in the auditorium or we're somewhere else worshiping online. Holy Spirit, I ask that you be the one to speak in and through me. That I will be just your mouthpiece, your messenger, your servant, and that your words would speak life and truth into our hearts and our minds, and that we would leave this place transformed because of your word. So, thank you that we can worship you

7:00 through your word. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. And amen. Can you guys take your seats as you're sitting down? We're going to look at three big ideas as we honor God by honoring our parents. We're going to answer three questions. The first question is, why should I honor my father and mother? Why? Right. Second question we're going to answer is, what does it mean to honor my father and mother? What does that mean? And the last question we're going to answer is, how can I actually honor my father and mother, especially when it's hard? You excited? I am. I'm excited to to

7:45 learn with you. So, let's look at the first question. Why should I honor my father and my mother? Let's read Exodus 20:12. Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. The first reason why you and I should honor our parents is God actually commands it. Did you did you get that? God commands us to honor our father and our mother. You know when God commands us to do something, it's because it is not automatic. Sometimes we think it should be automatic. No, it's not. It is not automatic for us to honor our parents.

8:33 And there's nobody in this room that has perfectly honored their parents. We've all fallen short. But it is especially hard to honor your parents when your parents have hurt you, when they have been negl negligent, when they haven't been around. But God tells us, "Honor your father and your mother." So as simple as that, because God commands it, it is from God directly to us. We must obey him. That's one reason. Why else? Number two, it trains us to honor God. You see, in Malachi, this is what the Lord is telling us. A son honors his father and a servant his master. He's

9:19 saying this is what a f a son is supposed to do. Then if I am a father and God is the father of all. We see that in Ephesians. He says he is the father of all of us who are in Christ. If I am a father, where is my honor? And if I am a master, where is my respect? Says the Lord of hosts to you, oh priests who despise my name. But you say, how have we despised your name? So, if we don't learn how to honor our parents, it is that much harder to honor God. Do you see the connection? We learn to honor God by learning how to honor our parents. So, if you're a young person here today, or if you have parents that are still alive,

10:06 take to heart that by honoring your parents, it is training you to honor God. And God is very different from our parents. He's perfect. And so if we learn to honor our parents here on earth, it really helps us to understand how to honor a perfect heavenly father. It is training. What else? Ji uh JL Packer said this. If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, read this with me. Find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, having God as his father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole

10:51 outlook on life, it means he does not understand Christianity very well at all. You see, it is very hard for many people to really understand God as a father because of terrible parents. But part of what we're going to learn today is God is our perfect father. And we learn to honor God by honoring our parents here on earth. Number three, honoring our parents is foundational to life and society. Have you guys heard of Francis Schaefer? He was a theo theologian. He was alive from the early 1900s and he died sometime in 1980, maybe 1984. But he talked about before all this wokeness came before of all this

11:40 like relative truth he saw it happening already and he said that is going to be the be the beginning of the crumbling of our society because once there is no more clear distinction of what's true and what's not true what is God's design families break apart and when we don't learn how to honor our parents if we aren't teaching our children how to honor. If we ourselves aren't honoring, society falls apart. Look at what it says here. My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother. Bind them continually on your heart. Tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you. When you sleep, they will watch over you. And when you awake, they will talk to you.

12:26 We are trained to be able to follow to be obedient by our parents. Today in the in our country, 58% of children are born out of wedlock. That was from 2022. The family as how God designed it is is broken. And if you look at study after study after study, it will show that people that grow up in in environments that they don't have a loving family, it is that much more likely for dysfunction, crime, all of these things that come with broken families. So, it's important that we learn to honor our parents because it is

13:12 foundational. Look at Romans chapter 13. Every person, read this with me, every person is to be in subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God. And those which are exist are established by God. So all authority is from God. And we learn authority when we're young from who? From our parents. And as we grow older, we learn to to follow and to submit. But when we don't have that, then society falls apart. Therefore, whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God, and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. Ultimately, God is our authority. But we learn from honoring

13:59 our parents. Look, it says here, parents become our first education in submission. You know, it is very hard for women to submit to their husbands. Yes. But we learn how to submit when we're young. It's hard for men to submit to bosses. It is hard. And that's why it's important that we [clears throat] embrace the fifth commandment. Honor your father and your mother. Number four, why is it important? Honoring our parents leads to what? >> Blessing. Can you say that with me? Honoring our parents leads to >> blessing. Exodus 20:12 says this, "Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the

14:45 Lord your God gives you." And Ephesians chapter 4, Ephesians chapter 6, this verse talks about how our days will be prolonged. Look at Ephesians chapter 6. It says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is what? The first commandment with a promise." Did you guys notice that? No other commandment has a promise that comes with it, but this one does. The fifth commandment has a promise. And what is a promise? That it may >> be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. It's a dual promise. It's not just the length of life, but it's the quality of life. I was in high

15:31 school a long time ago, more than 30 years ago, actually. I graduated in 1996. When I was in high school, my dad and mom told me, "Do not have a girlfriend." Did I understand all the reasons why? They gave good reasons, but I didn't fully understand them all. But I knew at your age this verse. I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up memorizing this verse. And deep down in my heart, by God's grace, I believe that I want to honor my father and mother. I want to obey them because I know it will be what? It will be well with me and I will live long. That's what the promise says.

16:18 So, here's a picture of Jenny and I. We graduated together. We marched down the aisle in 1996. Did I like Jenny? Oh, she was the most amazing woman in the entire school. Jenny was amazing. We were in student council together. I played basketball. She was a cheerleader. You know what a cheerleader is? They used to do these cheers. We were the vanguards. Vanguards. Vanguards. Eat them up. Eat them up. And there's Jenny on the side, you know, doing her cheer. And here I am playing basketball. And such an amazing girl. But I never told Jenny that I liked her. And I never Jenny never became my girlfriend.

17:04 I didn't fully understand. You know, at your age, at when I was young, you have deep capacity to love already. But because of that command that comes with a blessing, [sighs] I said, "Lord, I will trust you." I never thought I would end up with Jenny. I thought when Jenny went back to Canada for studies and I stayed here. I went to uh Atano to continue to play basketball, to continue to study, I never thought that I would end up with Jenny. But guys, 7 years later in 2003, praise God. God brought Jenny back into my life. And because we had never dated, there was no heartbroken. There was no

17:51 drama. And I honestly will tell you this. If I did not obey my parents, I actually wouldn't even know what I would have missed. But let me tell you what I would have missed. This is a picture of my family now. And they're standing over there, there, over there. They're giants. But the quality of the relationship that I have with my wife and my children, I honestly wouldn't trade it for disobedience. And I I would have never known. I share that with you because say this with me young people, obedience >> brings >> blessing. Guys, let's appreciate the

18:37 young people and we we pray for you guys. You guys can sit down. Obedience brings blessing. That is a huge reason why you and I should honor our parents. And I'm not just talking about when you're young because the command is for all of us. It looks different and we'll get there. But that is a reason why we should obey, why we should honor. So look at this verse. Proverbs 3:1 and 2. My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments for length of days and years of life, and peace they will add to you. You see the promise that comes with honoring your parents. Billy Graham said this,

19:23 God's commands, say this with me, God's commands are not given to restrict us, but >> to bless us. Now, one more time with feeling. God's commands are not given to restrict us but to bless us. So why should we honor our parents? It's not only because God commands commands it. It's not only because it trains us to honor him. Not only because it is the foundation of our society. God blesses those who honor them. In the same way, dishonoring our parents is what? >> Very, very,

20:09 very serious. As I was preparing for this message, I didn't realize how serious it actually really is. Look at what it says in Proverbs. The eye that mocks a father and scorns a mother. The ravens of the valley will pick it out and the young eagles will eat it. That's a pretty graphic description. Can you imagine with me? You dishonor your parents. You curse your mother. You say something disrespectful. It's serious. Look at in Deuteronomy. If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him and bring him out

20:56 to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. You get what's happening? Rebellious son, somebody, a rebellious daughter who doesn't respect, doesn't honor, curses the parents. they get this child, they shall say to the elders of the city, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard." Read this with me. 21. Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death. So you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear. I wonder how many of us would be dead by now, right? we probably would have like a maybe only 25% would be here or even less.

21:43 But it's serious when we don't honor our parents. There is a real consequence that comes with it. One of the earliest shadows behind Israel's inheritance of Canaan begins with a son dishonoring his father. Who said that? Our very own Pastor Paul Divera. He's preaching tonight uh this afternoon. What was he saying? Do you remember the story of of of Noah? Remember? So Noah had three sons, right? After the flood, um, one of his sons saw his father naked. The father, his Noah got drunk. He was laying. He was naked. And he comes out and he tells his two brothers, "Oh, guess what?" You know, I

22:28 don't know what he said, but I'm just imagining, "Oh, look at dad." You know, dad's just naked or whatever it was. He was making fun of his father. You know, the two brothers, Shem and Japath, they got a cloak and they walked backwards because they wanted to honor their father and then they covered their father. You know, when Noah woke up, he's like, "I know what happened. I know that one of my sons was making fun of me. He was cursed. Ham was cursed in the book of Genesis." And so, Pastor Paul, as we were looking this together, he's like, you know, wow, dishonoring our parents is is serious. Genesis chapter 9 verse 24 to 25. It

23:14 says this, when Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done. So, he said, "Cursed be Canaan, a servant of servants he shall be to his brothers." What are we learning today? Honor your father and mother. This is our memory verse. Can you say it with me? Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. We answered the question. Why? How many of you are are convinced that we should honor our parents? Can you raise your hand? Okay. How many of you are not convinced? You don't have to raise your hand, but you can come see me after the service and we can talk more. But I want to go now to the second question. The second question

23:59 is, "What does it mean to honor my father and mother?" And we're so blessed today that we have Daryl. Daryl, can you come up here? She's going to share with us her story of what this looked like in her life. Let's welcome Daryl. >> My name is Daryl and I'm here to share with you how God taught me to obey and honor my parents. Growing up, my parents imposed a strict rules on me and my siblings like curfews and no overnights. It was hard for me as someone outgoing and I always wanted to be with my friends and experience more during my teenage years. When my family started going to CCF, I

24:47 also attended NextGen and later on in Elevate. And during this time, a campus missionaries shared the gospel with me and took time to disciple me. Being part of a Dgroup helped me know more about God and grow in obedience to him in different aspects of my life. And as a young Christian, I continued to struggle with understanding why my parents were so strict. Even when I attended elevate activities like the group, I had to go home early because of my curfew. I felt sad and thought I miss out on a lot. I develop a fear towards my parents

25:33 and I struggled with deep anxiety and suicidal thoughts at the thought of disappointing them. Since God knew what was in my heart, he used this verse in Exodus 20:12 to change my perspective and attitude in obeying my parents. This verse says, "Honor your father and your mother so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you." I learned that there is a blessing when I obey my parents who are my God-given authorities. I grew in my understanding that my parents imposed those rules because they only wanted was what what was best for me. And in high school I went to Elevate

26:20 helped us to start a campus movement. We shared the gospel and eventually formed our first Dgroup. I enjoyed I enjoyed serving the Lord so much that I had in in my heart to work full-time in Elevate after college. I shared this desire with my dad and he was actually happy about it. But when pandemic came, my dad died unexpectedly due to stroke. Finally, college graduation came and God tested me again in the area of obedience. This time with my mom. I still had a strong desire to work full-time in ministry. So, I applied as a campus missionary in Elevate. However, my mom

27:07 asked me to pursue a corporate job first, specifically in a bank since my sisters were were also working there. I felt so disappointed. I wanted to push through with my application and go against her will. But I know that disobeying my mom would mean disobeying God. With a surrendered heart, I chose to obey my mom and trusting that she is my God-given authority in my life. I worked as a bank employee for three years. At first, I didn't understand why the Lord allowed it to happen. Why would God or my mom withhold me from serving God full-time? It was not a bad desire. I

27:55 struggled with anxiety and suicidal thoughts again. But I felt the Holy Spirit helping me persevere as I continued to pray, read his word, and be surrounded by a Christian community who encouraged me to keep on obeying. As I work in the bank, God helped me realize that I did not need to be in the church to work full-time for him. I serve him wherever he places me. So I shared about God's love to my colleagues at work. I started with small talk about the goodness of Jesus in my life. Slowly I invited them to join me in Saturday night services. And today

28:43 one of my colleagues continues to attend the services without me and will soon join a D group and volunteer in ministry. My other colleagues are also now planning to attend Sunday services. And now one of my supervisors started supporting a campus missionary. Praise God. Looking back, I am grateful how God used my parents to protect and guide me to pursue a corporate job first. It is not only molded my character but also trained me in skills and disciplines that are useful for the work God has for me in the future. As I work in my corporate job, I also did not stop serving the Lord in

29:30 elevate. I still had a deep burden to impact students lives. So outside office hours, I continued to be involved in campus ministry and events. All the vacation leaves I had at work were dedicated to ministry events. Then in 2025 after our short-term mission trip in Indonesia, the desire in my heart to work for God grew even deeper. I sought the Lord and this time I felt like he was clearly leading me to try again. But still I was waiting for one more confirmation. my mom's approval. I felt anxious because my mom and I my

30:17 mom and I had not talked about this for three years. So I prayed and asked God for a clear opening to bring this up with my mom again. Then one Sunday morning as my mom and I were talking about work, I took the opportunity to open up again about my desire to work in Elevate. My mom was silent and it was the longest silence in my life. But I kept praying and finally she gave me her blessing. Today I am serving God full-time as the Elevate main campus and SNS admin coordinator. As I look back, I can say that there are no regrets when I obeyed my parents even

31:04 when I didn't understand it. My obedience to them is God's way to protect and bless me. By God's grace, I choose to continue to obey and honor my mom and other authorities God places over me. Because while we honor our earthly authorities, our highest authority is still God. My name is Day and I give God all the glory and praise. So, what does it mean to honor my father and my mother? You saw an amazing example. And I want to show you that the word honor is from the Hebrew word kabad, which means to weigh heavily, to be of great value,

31:49 significance. You see, to honor your parents, children must receive what their parents say with what? great seriousness and value. Sometimes we dismiss our parents because we think we know better or we think they're so old school. They have no idea what they're talking about. But to give honor means you give weight to what they say. The only time you have the permission from God not to honor your your parents or not to obey your parents is if they ask you to do something that is against his command. Let me rephrase what I said. You always honor your parents. Even if you don't follow them because there is something they're asking you to do, you can do it in an honoring way.

32:36 What I'm talking about is obeying them. There may be some crazy scenario here where your parents are asking you to do something that is clearly against God's word or when authority is asking you to do something against God's word. God has given us authority. But if if people in authority are asking you to do something against God's word, that's when you say, "I'm following God. He is the highest authority. I am not going to compromise that." But if it's a matter of like just they're not asking you to do something that's wrong, but you just don't like what they're asking you to do, I want to encourage you. You honor those who are in authority. Whether it be your D-group leader, whether it be your pastor at church, your employer at the at the

33:22 marketplace, God has given us authority and it is also for our protection. And when we step out of that, that's when we get into unnecessary trouble. So this is what it means to honor. Honor is a decision to treat your parents with respect and with courtesy. It is also a decision to provide care and seek their interests. I want to take some time to differentiate between obedience and honoring children. Read this with me. Children, if you're living with your father and your mother, you are still dependent on them. You you you are not an you're not on your own. You're not you're you are not self- sustaining. You are dependent on your

34:08 parents. That's what children is. This is talking about young people. Children, read it with me. Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. You see, the Ten Commandments say, "Honor your father and your mother." I praise God that the Ten Commandments don't say, "Obey your father and mother," right? It says honor. But when you are young, to honor them means to obey them. And that's why at a young age, we want to encourage you to teach your children obedience brings >> what? Obedience brings >> blessing. We want our children to understand that that's how they learn to to honor also. But to obey and look what

34:55 it says this, it says honor your father and your mother. So there is a difference between obedience and honoring. You see, obedience is for childhood. Honor is for a lifetime. Do you get that? >> So, there is a difference. But at whatever age you are, you honor your parents. Even if your parents >> aren't the parents that they should be, you honor them because God commands it. And you, we already talked about why, but there's there's a difference between obedience and honoring. Now for the parents again all the parents in the house I need you to stand up because this is for us. This is important because it is so important that our children learn how to obey and learn how

35:42 to honor. Look at the wisdom of God. He tells children and all of us what to do, right? But now he speaks to parents. Fathers and mothers, do not provoke your children to anger. What does that mean? It means that many of us parents intentionally unintentionally because we've followed our own parents, because of what we've grown up with. There are many reasons why, but we have a tendency to provoke our own children. How do you provoke your own children? We shout at them. We have a temper. We are unreasonable. We do not listen. We are critical. Always correcting. We're perfectionists.

36:29 And we expect our children to be perfect immediately from the day that they're born. I'm exaggerating, but you know what I'm saying. We're critical. We're hypocrites. Oh, you shouldn't watch that. You're watching it. You should be on time. You're late. We're hypocrites. We're selfish. We're overcontrolling. We don't keep our word. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do that next week. Next week comes and you completely forgot. Your kid never forgot. You know, when you tell something to your child and you don't keep your word, you're training them to not believe you. Keep your word. We have favorites, right? Mommy. Mommy's

37:17 favorite. Is that one? That's my favorite. What is that? We know what happens when there's favorites. We saw that in the story of Joseph in the Bible, right? It destroys families. We don't deal with the issues. All of us have issues, guys. I have issues in my own family. You have issues. If we don't deal with them, we provoke our children. Guys, let's appreciate our parents. I'm not scolding you. I'm speaking as a parent to another parent. Um, and while you're standing, it says this. Instead of provoking them, read this with me. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. God gave us two tools to bring up. The word bring up means to nourish, to nurture, to to

38:03 bring to life. You want your children to be alive. How do you do that? Discipline and giving and and instruction. bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. To discipline, four quick pointers. Have consistent, clear rules. This is especially for for you that have young children where you haven't missed that boat yet. You can still teach them that there are consequences to disobedience. Consistent husband and wife rules, consistent application of rules. Sometimes we're depending on the mood, we're stricter, sometimes we're not strict. If you make a command, if you have a rule in your home, follow it consistently. And then consistent in what? In our love. Thank

38:49 you, parents. You guys may sit down. Praise God for you. How do you um raise them in the instruction of the Lord, letting them understand like what we're learning today, obedience brings what? >> Blessing. Now, as we go on and looking at what honor like what honor looks like, we understand obedience and honor, right? Obedience is for younger children that are still living with their parents. We're really commanded to obey our parents because that's how we honor them. But as we get older, we still honor your parents. And how? In respect, in speech. How many of you find that it's easy to

39:35 say things to your parents, especially when you're irritated, that are not respectful? And it's I'm not talking about the words even, but the tone. Have you ever spoken to your parents in a way where your tone was irritate irritable? I have. You know, with my mom, um she's trying to get me to do something for her. Um, how many of you guys have parents that uh need help with um gadgets? Yes. Raise your hand. No, don't raise your hand. But you know, it's easy to just all of a sudden because you're not even thinking to say something that was not respectful and you didn't even realize it, but your tone was there. So, what does it mean to

40:21 be respectful in speech? Read with me. Exodus 21. He who curses his father or his mother shall what? surely be put to death. It's very serious. This command to honor our parents. Some of us, it's not even the tone. We flat out curse our parents. And in our hearts, it's like, well, because you have no idea what my parents did to me. So, Bible says you honor them in what you say. Ephesians tells us, "Let no unh wholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word that is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so it may give grace to those who hear." We are to speak words that encourage, not tear down. How else can we honor our parents?

41:08 By listening and learning. You see, sometimes we think we know more than our parents. And so they're talking to us, but we're not actually listening to them. Or maybe your your parents are at a age and they keep talking about the same thing over and over again. And you're like, "Wow, you just told me this like yesterday." I praise God that my parents are still very sharp and alert. My dad told me, "Hey, son, the moment that I'm not making sense, you better let me know." I'm like, "Well, praise God, Dad. you're still very sharp and you still you still um are able to minister to all of us. So I praise God. But some parents as they get older honestly it it it becomes repetitive.

41:55 But as a as as their children, the Bible tells us we should still listen to them and be respectful. Look at this. Listen to your father who begat you and do not what? Despise. Why would you despise your mother when she is old? Maybe it's because she actually changes when she's old. I know some personalities change. Some people, they were very nice when they're younger, but as they get older, sometimes they become more irritable, more grumpy, and more demanding. But God is reminding us, regardless of what your parents are going through. Do not despise your mother. Honor them. Proverbs 13:1, "A wise son accepts his father's discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke." I remember

42:41 one time Jenny's parents took our children and our children were with them for some time and then we came back and then Jenny's parents shared with us how we can improve as parents. You know, it's not always here easy to hear advice or suggestions from your parents, but I praise God for my wife. We want to learn. We want to become better parents. And so, we invite our parents to actually speak into our life. Number three, what does honor look like? By showing gratitude and value. You know, in the last days, which is where we're at, right? In fact, the disciples believe they were in the last days. So how much more us in the last days

43:28 realize this that what in the last days difficult times will come for men will be what? Lovers of self, lovers of money boastful arrogant revilers disobedient to parents and what? >> Ungrateful. How is your gratitude attitude? How grateful are you as a person? How grateful are you towards your parents? Is there one thing that you can say that you're grateful for? If there is, call your parents after this message and thank them for that one thing. Even if there's only one thing that you're grateful for, because that

44:14 is what it means to honor them. You value them. You're not only grateful, but your value. Look at this. Proverbs 23:24-2, "The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, and let her rejoice who gave birth to you." You know, you want your children to you, as a child, you want your parents to be blessed that you were born into this world. And when you are a grateful son, a grateful daughter, and you show value, it means a lot to us as parents.

44:59 I was with the Unite family yesterday and last night I I I I asked, can I actually honor my dad and my mom? Because they were on stage with me and I told them how blessed we have been as children to have my dad and my mom as our parents. And so there are ways that you can honor your parents. Call them, let them know. I want to read to you this um this young man who wrote a poem. Not a poem, but it's a story about the invisible mother. I don't know if you've heard of such a thing, but he said growing up, he never noticed his mom. Meals just appeared. Clothes were clean. The house was in order. He said she was

45:47 invisible until the day she wasn't there. When she got sick and couldn't do those things, the boy said the house fell apart. The family felt it immediately. You know, there are many things that your parents do that we don't always appreciate. On this last trip that we were in the steps of Paul, I saw a young man and a mom. They were on the trip together. And as I got to know the story of this of this young man, he shared with us that his mom worked so hard when he was a kid.

46:36 His dad was a bus driver. He would drive the kids to school and he would include him and in the van after school being dropped off the kids he would do colorum in makati. He would pick up people just to make ends meet. One day his mom tried to sell halo halo in the neighborhood. She came home with 20 pesos. And he saw that as a young man, as a young boy. His sister who had gone to the states told him, "You have to become a nurse. You have to study becoming a nurse because you can help our family." So he took up nursing. But when he was in

47:23 nursing, he realized he was actually good at business. And one day I pray that he will share his testimony with us because I was so blessed because he became a good businessman. He started selling shoes, buying shoes and selling shoes from one shoe, two shoes, three shoes. His business has grown. You know, I have never seen a sweeter man take care of his mom. The whole trip he with his mother the whole time he treated his mom to that steps of Paul trip. That's in a very expensive trip. But you see the love of a son towards a mother being grateful. There are many things that you can do. You don't have to take your mom on a trip. You can call them. You can call your dad. Let them

48:10 know how much they mean to you. Lastly, to honor your parents means that we care and we are we take responsibility for our parents also. Look at this in Matthew chapter 15. For God said, "Honor your father and mother, and he who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death." So Jesus now is quoting the Old Testament. But you say, he's talking to the Pharisees, whoever says to his father or mother, whatever I have that would have helped you has been given to God, he is not to honor his father or his mother. And by this, you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You

48:58 see, the religious leaders were wanting the people to give money to them. And they're saying, "Look, Corbin, that's what that was the the word for it." And it's like they were saying since you're already helping, you're already giving to this, you don't need to take care of your parents. But Jesus says, "No, no, no. That's not true. You have to honor your father and your mother. Don't have an excuse not to care and and and show responsibility. If anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. You know, there's a difference between enabling and caring. Sometimes your parents are still able to

49:43 work. They have the capacity to work. Your family has the capacity to work. This is your extended family. You're now married. But you just keep giving money and money and money and money. And so your siblings, your nephews, your niece, they don't need to work because you're enabling a certain kind of behavior. This is not what this verse is talking about. This verse is talking about if your parents are in a situation where they really, really cannot provide, what are you going to do? The Bible says you help them. You take care of them. You see, it's not just financially. To

50:29 truly care is to help our parents grow in >> Christlikkeness. Can you say that with me? To truly care is to help our parents grow in Christ likeness. Ephesians chapter 4:15 says this, "Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into him who is the head, even Christ." So this is like reverse disciplehip. When you're young, your parents are supposed to disciple you. Maybe your parents never discipled you cuz you didn't grow up in a Christian home. And now you're old, older, and your parents are even older. But you know Jesus, you have a relationship with Jesus. He has changed your life. How do you now disciple your parents? Or you're

51:14 a young person today and your parents aren't Christian. How do you disciple your parents? I praise God for the Bible. He tells us how. Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal. Appeal, say that with me, appeal to him as a father, to the younger men and as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters in all purity. You see, it is difficult to disciple your parents, but you can. And if you really love them, you will speak the truth to them in love. You know, yesterday, I don't think my dad will mind me using this example. Hopefully, he doesn't, but he's at MMRC

52:00 with all the other uh Unite leaders. My dad is an amazing Bible teacher. You guys know that. and he was teaching us as leaders how to study the Bible. So we read a passage and then after we read the passage he would ask us what we learn. And so of course sometimes when people will share they will share something that's not actually in the passage but it's it's something that you know they're they're sharing and the way that my dad was trying to um teach all of us. There were some that felt a little bit bad with how he had corrected them. But I praised God. I went up to my dad and I whispered to him. I'm like, you know, Dad, I think you can do it in a in a better and a more loving way. You

52:46 know, my dad because he has no other motive or no other agenda. He was very humble. He apologized to the people that he had hurt individually and he apologized to all of us as leaders. But if nobody told my dad that, would he grow in Christlikkeness? So there is a way for you and I to be used by God to help our parents continue to grow. My dad and mom are wonderful people. They're almost perfect, but there is no perfect person and we can all grow. And same thing with you as a father, as a mother, and same thing with your parents. So I would welcome suggestions from your children of how you can improve. And that's why we tell you ask them how can you improve. Okay.

53:33 As we get to the last point, we finished what honor looks like to be respect, to have respect in speech, to listen, to have gratitude, to show care and responsibility. Now, the last one. How can I actually honor my father and mother, especially when it's hard? I want to remind you honor doesn't mean pretending sin didn't happen or something or or removing boundaries or enabling wrongdoing. If you're in a situation and your parents are hurting you, you have to get help. I'm not saying you stay in the situation and I'm also saying that pretending that your parents didn't hurt you. However, read this with me. It does mean refusing

54:20 hatred, choosing respect, and trusting justice to God by forgiving. How many of you have perfectly honored your parents? Can you raise your hand? None of us. For you and I to be able to truly honor our parents, we have to admit that we actually fall short of God's standard. Remember, that's the fifth commandment. And even in the fifth commandment, we've broken it already. We don't actually honor our parents completely. And for us to be able to to honor them, we have to admit that we actually aren't able to. Remember last year we looked about the law. The law points us

55:05 to who? >> To Christ. Because we have the ten commandments, we see our own shortcomings, our own sinfulness. I see my own sinfulness. And because I see that I've fallen short, James tells us, if you fall in one sin, you've guilty of all. We need Jesus to change our hearts to be able to honor our parents. We need Jesus. Can you say that with me? We need Jesus. Look what Ezekiel tells us. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. You see, we have rebellious hearts. But we're being reminded that God actually

55:51 gives us a new heart. I will put my spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances. When you have Jesus, you're able to do the impossible. Some for some of you, the impossible is to forgive your parents. I want to read to you a testimony of a story of my my dear brother. He just sent it to me this morning. He says, "My mom grew up in the traditional religion, but wasn't really practicing. She was very hardworking but at home there was a lot of tension. She would worry a lot about money and at

56:37 times would disre would disrespect my dad who struggled to provide. Growing up the disciplined she disciplined harshly by physically beating me and my siblings and because of this I resented her and also became very disrespectful towards her. I remember times when I would even verbally curse her during our fights. Everything started to change when I met Jesus and surrendered my life to him. God began to change my heart little by little. From being disrespectful, I learned to honor her by God's grace alone. My wife really helped me here. She encouraged me to make peace with my mom and ask for forgiveness for the things I had done, including cursing

57:24 her. So he was very specific for the things he asked for forgiveness for which was not easy but it was important to start building my relationship with her. From there we became intentional. We kept inviting her to church even when she would say no. We included her in our family devotions. We chose to honor her consistently not just in words but also in action. We even started giving her a monthly allowance as a way of honoring her. My wife and I taught our children to honor her. One moment I will never forget was when she attended a Sunday service where I was preaching. She stayed for multiple services and I saw her crying. When I asked her why, she said

58:17 in English, "God is alive. You have changed." That really hit me. I realized that the biggest impact was not what I said during the preaching, but how God had changed my life. Her journey to Jesus was gradual. About a year ago, she started asking questions after watching online services and I had the chance to share the gospel with her. But just two days ago, during a true life retreat, everything became clear to her. You could see it in her smile and the way she talked. For the first time, she said with excitement that she wanted to join a a small group. And yesterday, this is literally yesterday, by God's grace, I had the privilege of baptizing her.

59:08 [applause] He said, "Looking back, I realized that honoring your parents is not just about obeying them. In my case, by God's grace, it was showing her consistent love, intentionally honoring her, and and a changed life that pointed her to Jesus. All glory to God. This man is very special to me. [snorts] His name is Chris. It's because my wife's father many years ago in podium approached Chris who was managing Banana Leaf. And Jenny's father engaged in conversation with him and shared Christ with him. Chris is an amazing man. His son-in-law Julius is married to his

59:54 daughter Bianca and God is using them to be a huge blessing to East Ortigas. They pastor the church in in SM in East Ortigas. But you see, it is a process of learning to honor your parents. For Chris, it was very difficult. But because of Jesus, because of a new heart, you can do it. You see, Colossians tells us, "Children, read it with me, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." If you're a child here, why should you obey your parents? You do it because it's pleasing to the Lord. If you're an adult, why should we honor our parents? Children, obey your parents in the Lord

1:00:39 for this is right. We honor our parents for what? >> For the Lord. As you honor your parents, you honor God. To honor God is to honor your parents. We need Jesus to be able to truly honor our parents. A lot of us need to forgive our parents. Some of you, your parents are already dead and you haven't forgiven them. Tim Keller, he reminds us that forgiveness is not excusing. You're not excusing your parents. In fact, he emphasizes that forgiveness requires naming the trespass truth truthfully as wrong and punishable rather than merely excusing it. Read this with me. Forgiveness

1:01:26 is absorbing the cost. When you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness then is costly. Read this with me. To forgive is to release the wrongdoer from liability by absorbing the debt oneself rather than seeking revenge and paying them back. And you will learn that when you for when you forgive and you release, you're actually releasing yourself. You know how many of you know pastor Danny Orco? He's a phenomenal pastor. He grew up in a home where his father was very very abusive. Would physically beat him, would curse him, would beat his mother,

1:02:11 would beat his his siblings. And he grew up with so much resentment for his dad. So much. Any opportunity he had, he would talk about how bad his dad was. And Danny started to live out the same kind of life. He became abusive. He would be in and out of jail because of his violence. But it really there is a direct correlation with how he was raised. Now Danny became a Christian. Amazing. God changed his life. His wife forgave him. They have an amazing marriage. They help so many couples that are dealing with marital issues because God has used their marriage as an example. But Danny, Pastor Danny told me as we're preparing for this message, he said, 'You know, I realized I still was

1:02:58 holding on to some unforgiveness. There was one time that he was corrected um because he had taken a leave and the leave fell on prayer and fasting and he found himself reacting. And so he was saying, "What's wrong? Why am I still reacting?" You know what Pastor Danny did last year? He said he went to the grave of his father and out loud he said "Dad I forgive you. I forgive you for everything that you've done." He said, "Paul, I can't explain this. I'm not saying to, you know, talking to dead people is, you know, he's just saying that he took the act to verbalize his forgiveness towards his father who truly

1:03:46 affected his life. He said, "My life has been very different since then. I don't find myself reacting, being triggered in the same way. There is something about forgiving your parents. If you want to honor your parents, you have to forgive them. as as we close, Jesus is the reason we can honor. You know, Jesus is the ultimate example. He tells us, "He who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him." He's speaking about God. Here you have Jesus submitting himself to God. In Philippians chapter 2, he says, "He emptied himself." What? Taking the form of a bond servant and being made in the likeness of men. >> [snorts]

1:04:32 >> Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. Jesus did what we could not do. Jesus when he forgave us, he absorbed it all. Where we failed, Christ succeeded. And that's why if you give your life to Jesus, he can change your heart. He can take your heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh. One last very touching thing that Jesus did. Jesus when he was on the cross, he saw his own mother. Look at how Jesus honored not only his heavenly father, he honored his earthly mother.

1:05:18 He saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby. He said to his mother,"Woman, behold your son." Then he said to the disciple, "Behold your mother." From that hour the disciple took her into his own household. I can't even fathom what it's like to be on the cross and then to see your mom and yet to be able to say in such tender words, "Take care of my mom." Jesus is the ultimate example. And if you're struggling with honoring your parents today, admit that you need Jesus and ask Jesus to give you a new heart. I will give you, he says, a new heart and put a new spirit within you and he will empower you to do it. What's the message

1:06:03 today? Honor God by honoring your father and your mother. Let's bow our heads and pray. Jesus, we thank you for being the ultimate example. We thank you that 2,000 years ago, you took [music] a debt that we couldn't pay. You forgave us. Thank you for dying on the cross to pay [music] for our sins. And Lord, if there's anybody here who is humble enough to admit that we haven't actually kept the ten commandments, even [music] in this command alone, all of us are already guilty. I thank you, Lord, that these commandments actually point us to you.

1:06:48 And if you're that person and you [music] want a new heart, you're ready to humble yourself and repent of your sin, please pray with me. Jesus, I admit that I have sinned against you, not only in this commandment, but [music] in so many other areas. And I humbled myself to acknowledge that I need you, Jesus. So, I open the door of my heart. I repent of all my sins and I ask you Jesus to come into my life to be my lord, to be my master, to be my savior. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for forgiving me of all my sins. I now ask [music] you to help me to become the kind of man you want me to be. Thank you, Jesus, that because of

1:07:35 you, I now have a perfect heavenly father. I never had that kind of father growing up, Lord. But now I understand who I am. I am your son and you love me. So I no longer have to live my life trying to please a father that I could never please or a mother that I could never please. You love me as I am. And I know that you will be the one to change me. So, Father, for the rest of us that have a relationship with you, we now come together as one body asking, "Help us, Jesus, to honor you by honoring our father and our mother. Thank you for today. We love you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

1:08:27 Good day, CCF family. Welcome to Sunday FastTrack where you ask real life questions and we give you biblical truths. I'm Gyra de Jose from the Womento Women Ministry and we're here today with brother Paul Tanchi to answer some of your questions. Hi brother Paul. >> Hi Jyra. >> How are you? >> Good. >> Good. Thank you so much for your message on the ten commandments especially on us honoring our parents. So are you ready to answer some questions? >> Yes. By God's grace. >> Okay let's go. So for the first question, is it disrespectful to have a calm but honest disagreement with your parents, especially when they may be in the wrong? How can we still show honor in those moments? >> No, it's not it's not disrespectful. In fact, the way that um you mentioned your calm, I think it's very important that

1:09:13 we actually don't react to our parents. It's easy to react when they are wrong, but if we don't actually engage with them, we're actually not also helping them because one of the points that we talked about is to honor your parents is to show care. And to truly care for your parents is to help them grow in Christlikkeness. >> So, it's actually important that we actually do this. And the way that we do it is by um we're reminded by Paul that we are not to be harsh but to appeal and to speak the truth in love. So always do it in love. >> Thank you so much. For our second question, what are some practical ways to honor our parents when they are working overseas and we don't get to

1:10:00 spend time with them in person? For me, regular communication is one of the best ways you can honor them. So, using WhatsApp Viber FaceTime whatever device uh that you have to communicate with them, it lets them know that they're important to you because many times we can become so busy with life and we we forget, but our parents really need us to be um engaging with them. So, that's one. and then when they come home is to really carve out time to spend extended uh days with them because they're only here for a short time. So plan your your leaves or your your life so that you can also spend time with

1:10:47 them. >> So good. So good. And lastly, not all families are whole or healthy. In situations where parents are absent, separated, or have caused deep hurt, what are practical ways a person can still choose to respond with honor? Well, that's why I shared the story of of Chris because I think his example makes it so clear that yes, we speak to them the truth, but then it wasn't until the mom really saw his life change and he she saw how his life was deeply impacted by Christ and that led her to um wanting to know about Christ and eventually surrendering her life to Christ. And so I think as as children

1:11:32 who have dysfunctional homes, it really begins with our own modeling of what it means to be a Christian and how we love our broken family and how we show honor to them by the way that we speak, by the things that we do. Um, in some cases, you may need to help financially also if if your parents aren't able to u make end make ends meet. But of course, you have boundaries and you're not, like I said, enabling them. >> Thank you so much, brother Paul, for all of your answers today. We're so blessed by you. We praise God for your life. And that's it for CCF Sunday Fastrack. God bless everyone. >> God bless.

1:12:29 Heat. Heat. [music]