How To STOP Letting Social Anxiety Control You

0:00 in the past we've covered how anxiety can damage your relationship with others and even yourself however the spotlight in this video is on social anxiety social anxiety is more than shyness it's an overwhelming feeling of fear and dread at the thought of being in a social setting social settings just highlight your own feelings of either inadequacy or self-awareness the sweaty and clammy hands appear at the idea of having to be involved in a group why because you think that you may end up embarrassing yourself for making a bad impression on others these feelings are not as uncommon as you might think they are there are approximately 15 million other people in the United States alone that feel the same way in fact social anxiety is linked to a group in Japan

0:46 called the Hikari individuals who choose to isolate themselves from society for extended periods of time so you are not alone even if you might want to be the thing is that while you might find these periods of solitude and social isolation comforting you need to socialize with others we humans are social beings after all how do you stop social anxiety from controlling you recognize where the spotlight is a common symptom of social anxiety is perceiving how others perceive you meaning you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or extremely self-conscious because you are aware of how others might perceive you it's this hyper and almost meta awareness that triggers deep feelings of self-consciousness and anxiety which makes you run from social

1:32 situations this bias believing that others are watching you is called the spotlight effect but the truth is that most people are focused on their own things they aren't really looking at other people around them unless it directly involves or affects them once you realize that no one is really looking at you you'll start to feel a lot Freer and less worried address the negative beliefs tied to your social anxiety so social anxiety is magnified and fueled by the ruminating negative monologue you have in your head negative social experiences often leave a scar that can affect all future possibilities as a result in the face of social situations you may start to fabricate presumptions about how things will turn

2:18 out usually your mind will paint you the worst possible picture scaring you into not going outside sometimes these assumptions are not just about the event but also about yourself and your abilities consequently you become more anxious and less willing to attend a social event to counter this we can identify where these negative assumptions come from and what triggers them maybe it was a bad experience or maybe the Assumption has no basis by learning the source of your negative talk you can learn how to address it and cancel it negative experiences or thoughts can trigger anxiety and then devolve into negative thinking patterns such as as catastrophizing or mind reading challenge these thoughts by

3:04 asking yourself is this worry based on facts or assumptions replace irrational fears with more realistic and balanced perspectives remember just because you think something doesn't make it true be more realistic another factor that affects our level of social anxiety is expectations societal or self-fabricated sometimes we idealize how a situation will play out or imagine how it should play out as a result we have high expectations and our fear then becomes what if it doesn't happen that way the antidote to this is realism realism helps get rid of unrealistically high expectations and allows you to live

3:49 in the moment now free of expectations you may find yourself enjoying a social Gathering instead of dreading it be more assertive many of the tips I've given you so far are about handling the external atmosphere of a social setting but sometimes your fears about social events are internal sometimes our own insecurities and inadequacies make us afraid to be around others you fear social rejection and therefore avoid being social but what if you learned to accept this you cannot please everybody just as not everyone can please you just as you may not be friends with everyone not everyone will want to be friends with you and that is totally fine each and

4:36 every one of us has a reason for accepting or not accepting someone sometimes that reason is something as simple as not feeling it or not wanting to rejection from others does not mean that there is anything specifically wrong with you so don't take other people's perceptions of you too seriously whether someone chooses to like you or dislike you should not dictate or affect your selfworth learn to handle mistakes lastly many people become anxious about being in a social setting because they're afraid to embarrass themselves but the trick of getting over an embarrassment is how you decide to handle it we've all done something cringe at some point like like that like what I just did right there so what

5:24 learn to laugh it off I say this fully knowing that it might not be that easy but Learning To Laugh off a mistake or embarrassment starts with learning to Value yourself and having self-confidence having self-confidence helps you overcome your social anxieties and makes you more comfortable being in a social setting why because all the negativity and fear of rejection disappears learning to love and value yourself learning to speak up for yourself and being confident is the key to overcoming your nerves easier said than done like all things in life it's a process that involves rewiring your negative talk and maybe working with the therapist to overcome biases that have created your social anxiety but the journey is worth it you learn to socialize and live a more empowered life