Brief Summary
Vanessa Van Edwards, author of "Human Lie Detection" and "Body Language 101", shares five tips for having dazzling conversations with anyone. She emphasizes the importance of setting an intention before engaging in a conversation, approaching with open body language, using simple greetings, identifying conversation sparks, and ending gracefully with a future mention.
- Set an intention for the conversation to guide your interactions.
- Approach with open body language, including a smile, to create a positive first impression.
- Start with a simple greeting like "Hello, how are you?" to ease into the conversation.
- Look for conversation sparks, like eyebrow raises, to identify topics that genuinely interest the other person.
- End the conversation gracefully by mentioning a future event or activity to create a smooth transition.
Intro to the Science of Conversation
Vanessa Van Edwards, a body language expert, explains that there's a science behind having good conversations. This science applies to various situations, from professional networking events to social gatherings. She emphasizes that the key is to understand the principles and apply them consistently.
Tip #1 - Intention
The first tip is to set an intention for the conversation. This means deciding what you want to achieve or gain from the interaction. Having a clear intention helps avoid awkward moments and ensures you stay focused on your goals. For example, if you're at a networking event, your intention might be to make new connections or learn about a specific industry.
Tip #2 - Approach
The second tip focuses on the approach. Research shows that first impressions are formed even before words are spoken. Vanessa recommends approaching with open body language, such as keeping your hands visible, shoulders down and back, and a genuine smile. This conveys confidence and approachability, making the other person more receptive to conversation.
Tip #3 - Openers
The third tip addresses the importance of a good opener. While compliments are effective, research suggests that the simplest greeting, "Hello, how are you?", is the most successful. This simple phrase allows for a natural transition into further conversation without being too intense or overwhelming.
Tip #4 - Sparks
The fourth tip introduces the concept of conversation sparks. These are non-verbal cues, like eyebrow raises, that indicate genuine interest and engagement. Vanessa explains that when someone is genuinely interested in a topic, they often raise their eyebrows. This is a universal sign of curiosity and a key indicator that you've hit upon a topic that resonates with the other person.
Tip #5 - Exits
The fifth tip focuses on ending conversations gracefully. Vanessa emphasizes that last impressions are just as important as first impressions. She recommends using a "future mention" to signal the end of the conversation. This involves mentioning a future event or activity, such as a weekend plan or a future meeting, to shift the focus from the present to the future. This allows for a natural transition and a polite way to thank the other person for their time.
Bonus Tip - How to let people know you're open to connect?
Vanessa shares a bonus tip on how to signal openness to connection. She suggests looking for the "pivot out" in body language. When two people are engaged in a conversation, their toes are usually aligned, indicating they are not open to others. However, when someone's body is angled out, with their toes pointing away from the other person, it signals that they are more open to approaching. Vanessa recommends using this "pivot out" technique to signal your own openness to conversation and to identify others who are receptive to connecting.
