Is Being Fat A Choice? Fit Women vs Fat Women | Middle Ground

0:00 if you see me you consider me obese I wouldn't say that you're obese but it's like like medically you know so like for examp so you're medically obese though no yes I've been medically obes since I was like 12 and I was not [Music] OB welcome back to Middle Ground I'm John I host radical empathy podcast and I'll be moderating today's discussion between fit women and fat women and a friendly reminder if you are writing a hate comment you are part of the problem our first prompt is your physique is in your control will the agreer please step

0:48 forward she has a question I have a question when you mean physique um can you specify like what exactly are you trying to I think physique is like the shape and size of your body why were you hesitated because you know there's a lot of different um illnesses around so I have family members have like Theo and they can't wait gain weight or they can't lose weight but I think that they can manage to stay at a place that's going to be healthy for them to me personally I do feel like I can be at a better place I'm working on it and that's my goal so yeah I agree with you 100% I think that definitely people have ailments there's different diseases and all that but I think at the end of the day day what you can do the best physical peak for your personal body is

1:34 in your hands you may not look like someone you want to look like your ideal situation but you can optimize your body to to be the highest performance that you think that you can get to but I first started working I lost 60 lounds and I included just counting calories I didn't have to work out as hard I can just I did the treadmill I went um at an incline and I just walked the whole time watching a movie and just walked I just made healthier choices and I've been mindful about what I put inside my body like you put in that effort right you made that conscious decisions to walk on the treadmill count your calories you were super exact with everything and that's how you were how both of you guys were able to lose so much weight right so your physique is 100% in your control you it's just that nobody wants to put the effort in just so we can invite the disagre that's a great point to bring in our disagreement whoever wants to pick up where we just left off so while of

2:22 course there are aspects that I think you can control about your physique I think there are more things that are out of your control like it is so so much more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat like crap if I go to the grocery store and I just want to buy a bunch of frozen meals that's going to be so much cheaper than me going and buying fresh produce and fresh fruit and everything I disagree I immedi I disagree too why do you disagree the the prepackaged Foods the frozen ones way more expensive I've been on a budget you know eternally I always always always save money by just going to the grocery store and buying buying ingredients I agree with you on that but I can go get a frozen meal sometimes for a150 $2 where if I want to cook a whole meal like depending on what

3:09 all the ingredients I'm getting that could be $10 so you'll get more yes but still you have to think from people who have like no money and they're thinking like oh I can get I've had no money I've had $12 for a week's amount of food I hear both I think that you definitely in the short-term mindset it is cheaper you go to a fast food restaurant they have like a dollar menu I think they even increased the dollar menu now so which is crazy like $2 menu so that's valid I think but I think it's killing us in the long term like it's like that short dopamine effect the dopamine where you're like oh I just need something right now I think that's the issue I also did want to sorry just touch on other than um like food costs like there's also privilege when it comes to like having time to cook stuff like if you work a full-time job if you have

3:55 kids and stuff a lot of the time it's just easier you don't have the time and energy like I enjoy cooking but it's a lot of work sometimes and it's much easier for me to just like go through the drive-thru and then also privilege when it comes to like your mental health when you are depressed when you're struggling to even like get through the day it can be really hard to have that motivation to eat well to move your body and stuff so for then when people are like oh why aren't you working out it's like dude I can barely even get out of bed so like please stop like that I just wanted to say that I didn't step forward because I have PCOS and I just recently got diagnosed with it so with PCOS it's so much more difficult for me to lose the weight and control what I want my

4:40 physique to look like it's just so much harder it's not impossible but it is we can fix it we and we can fix it PC we can fix it sorry to cut yall off but Bri I just wanted to hear from you um the question like your body is in your control I just think it is not 100% your control to say it's like black and white you can change it or you can't is just crazy it's just so nuanced I really like appreciated you bringing up like the food access that you have the knowledge access your socioeconomic status I go to the gym I sit there and I'm like if only everyone had access and the free time to do this I'm sure so many other people would love to do that but people are struggling they need to pay their rent they can't just a lot that time they need to prioritize and I think that's ultimately what is really

5:26 sad everyone would love to take care of I'm I disagree like there's all some of us who are on the fit side that don't have that privileges I wake up at 4:00 a.m. have a full-time job I get it done at the end of the day it doesn't matter I want to be the highest version of myself the most evolved version and she has to show up but your life allows it I make my life I surround myself that other people don't have the possibilities that you have they do they just not everyone and I also think there's something put the effort in that's it but I also think too um like let's say say for example you're a teenager and you're like 500 lb the work that you need to do to remedy that is ungod like that's really challenging that's a hard thing to do for anybody as opposed to like me I was really skinny

6:11 and then I decided oh I'm going to go to the gym I put on my weight the results are showing it looks like I'm working super hard I make these choices like go girl but that is not the same accessibility that someone can make that change for themselves in different circumstances AG only caveat is it's hard for both but it can be done is my point I wouldn't for me as someone who's overweight trying to lose that weight in my opinion do you believe that it can be done I believe it can be done I believe it can be done but I think empathy and compassion for the different circumstances that may stop someone from doing that is necessary to see like oh get off your ass and like do all this which you're not saying but I'm saying some people commenters my not in this episode my was the worst oh God there is a spectrum for your body um our height isn't under our control our fat

6:58 distribution our bone density our muscle density our metabolism these are all things that make up who we are but in that spectrum of health absolutely we can change who we are yes with with what we got right and then we'll stop right there and move on to the next one body positivity can promote unhealthy habits will the agreer please step forward more such I I think blind body positivity can be harmful if it's just like always like don't ever consider any possibility that you could change something or improve your quality of life just blindly accept yourself I think that's where it can get kind of toxic I don't look like how I looked

7:44 when I was 20 so body positivity is encouraging yourself to accept you're going to transform eventually when you're 40 when you're 50 you're going to get wrinkles you know all these things so yeah definitely body positivity should have taken another route instead of just saying it's for big people because it's not it's for all the variety of people that need to accept you're changing yeah I think the pendulum has switched to the furthest extreme I think body positivity was created because there wasn't a space for people who could have Acceptance in bigger bodies um and I think it's just gone to the furthest extreme now and like women come in all shape and sizes right and every woman is beautiful and I think that you should really be confident in your body and the way that you look you know wake up feeling your best

8:29 but I feel like especially on social media and in society today this body positivity movement it's I I've seen like multiple times where there's like obese women promoting body positivity and it's like I wouldn't want like my kid what's obese for you like like like a like an unhealthy lifestyle what's obese for you obese like like a medically OB if you see me consider me obese I wouldn't say that you're obese but it's like like medically you know so like for examp you're medically obese though no yes I've been medically obes since I was like 12 and I was not obese well does anybody here would anybody here explain what they mean by medically obese exactly at this at like when you go to the doctor's office and you get weight on a scale and they'll tell you oh

9:16 you're a little bit overweight or they'll say you're morbidly obese you're obese you're because of your so like like if you look at me you would be like oh she's a little plus siiz but I am technically considered obese by my doctors and I I was obese I think it's 30 um 30 BMI now the BMI we've have come to learn that it's a little bit tricky now it's not the most accurate right but that's what it's based off but so correct um but now that when I was a size 14 I was considered obese it's smaller than we think I think an obese person and this is not you know calling absolutely anybody obese but I think a person that can be considered obese would not be able to go on walks they will lose their breath where for me because I am a person that I'm big but

10:03 I'm like I said I'm still able to go on Hikes and I won't lose my breath I can go on runs I can exercise so if for the doctors I'm obese because of the size and the stuff that I am for the doctors yes um for me it is not the way that it works because an obese person I've had friends who are skinnier than me we go on walks and they're losing their breath so for you obesity is just the health parameter of how physical you can be it's not aysal manifest the body what the doctor when that doctor says that that bad word it it's he's looking on a chart versus saying you how many people have been bad listen he's not saying he's not saying you're ill and you can't walk up that hill say that to you go I have that OB and I can still walk up

10:50 that hill and that's and that's that's what's fabulous about it right it doesn't automatically mean you're ill but also down the road absolutely is going to mean mean you're ill you're lucky with your genetics currently down the road it's not going to be the same story but this is the thing you think they're genetics but since I was really young I'm active I'm an active woman I never said you're not active no no no I know but I'm just responding to what you're saying I know you're not saying that I'm not active I'm responding to what you're saying about the doctors and stuff like that because I have had doctors tell me that tell tell you what that I'm obese and that I cannot exercise that why am I not exercising why am I'm not doing the effort there's doctors that have bad diagnosis me for things that I've never had and I've gotten medicated for things that I've never had so it's like it's different

11:36 they're killing us too so just we we went down a tangent for I want to God we're talking about we're talking about body positivity whether we think it promotes unhealthy habits we're going to bring in our disagreer oh my God and then the com yeah so I didn't step forward because um I really hate the toxicity that has come from people being like Oh body positivity promotes obesity and B I I hate that so much I think there is like the minutest people who are doing that the vast vast majority um I do not think promote obesity body positivity to me is just loving your body accepting your body how it is and not hating yourself like you shouldn't have to wake up every day because you're

12:21 400 lbs and hate yourself like you know I don't think anybody should be hating themselves so that to me is what body positive is about and it's also about equality in how people are treated like for example lizo gets called out so much on like oh my God she's out there with her ass and stuff like H it's so disgusting but Chapel rone who God I love chapel Ro um was at govball and came out a Statue of Liberty and had her ass out did not see a single person online saying H so why she have her ass out you know it's like it's a double standard people inherently hate fat bodies and don't think they should be seen in I actually disagree with that because I do see people hating on Chapel Rowan for the way that she looks and her outfits and there's going to be hate on

13:07 both of course there's going to be hate but I I meant like the volume of hate that lizo gets compared to Chapel room like I would say like it's much smaller like I just con you constantly hear about like lizo lizo lizo and you know I I have a question I have a question about lizo okay one of one of the she lady she's lost a lot of right now um one of the few times I saw her streaming she had this gorgeous cake was gifted to her enormous went in with it with a fork and was eating constantly and talking to the camera while she was streaming the the volume of the of the cake that she ate I just went oh my God how many people are watching this this is absolutely this is I I just it was a horrible representation I hated every every moment of it what do you say how about to say about that well my question

13:53 would be if there was a thin person doing that would you have had that same reaction okay then um I think it's more about like she's not promoting obesity by eating cake on camera um she's just you know eating cake on camera if she's a representation of body positivity and this she's behaving this way is that promoting have you noticed that she just posted a video that she lost weight like no absolutely don't poed a video lost you can see the difference because I don't want her in my algorithm it was just probably that one day that you saw her doing that but that doesn't identify her as a whole person yeah in defense of lizo um not of sentence I it depends her I have seen her post like oh here's the green smoothie that I got or here's me with my salad or like here I am at the gym I think there is this

14:38 weird stigma where people that are overweight have to be perfect all the time they can never just like you know just havoc and I agree it'sing I agree it's not great listen I'm not I'm not saying that's great not great but I'm saying that like this one instance of her doing this amidst all her other ones of her trying to be healthy can I go on the opposite side of that like with li lizo there's like Eugene cloney she's a very petite tiny woman why are people saying oh good job lizza like good job for eating healthier but like when Eugene Co is like trying to eat something like but is Eugenia Cooney allowed to have hasht body positivity she does sometimes she she promotes herself literally wearing like tiny outfits showing her body that was my whole point is like these extremes are hijacking it they're not good representation yeah that like the

15:24 algorithm they will push out the most extreme cases because they get the most views and what people want to see yes it's dangerous including these conversations although this one's pretty uh pretty reasonable all right let's let's reset no matter who you are there's no denying that injuries can really put a damper on your everyday life like seriously being injured when I'm trying to hdden UPR legit sucks luckily there's people out there who can make your life easier just know that if you ever find yourself getting injured you can turn to Morgan and Morgan America's largest injury Law Firm Morgan and Morgan specializes in a wide range of personal injury cases and have won thousands of big cases just recently Morgan and Morgan has secured verdicts of 12 million in Florida and 26 million in Philly that's up to 40 times the

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16:59 any drug that you've taken sorry yeah come on in let's hear your story too I have used weight loss drugs um before I knew the power of them in in college and you could get them over the counter but they were incredibly strong and probably need to be controlled at that time but I don't I was just so obsessed with with my body size I've pretty much my whole life and that's just the culture American culture that we I I was raised in and and lived in and so I would try drastic means and I've done um things that would just get you super wired um even as an adult once I figured out how to eat um I gained the weight back during the lockdown like a

17:45 lot of people did and I go gosh Dar I was so upset and I took a prescription weight loss drug that I got was prescribed by a doctor and I was able to drop the weight quickly I Ed it as a biohack I used used it short term just to get the weight off because once the weight is off now it's it's on you you have to know how to eat this is more recently y yep and this is absolutely recent was it like goic something like that fine you can get it prescribed it's a controlled substance it's hardcore but it takes the thought process out of your mind that thing that that monster that always tells you you're going to get your next serotonin kick by that food and you're hyperfocused on eating and it takes that monster stops talking so now

18:30 when the monster stops talking you go I can I can control this I can I can make changes in my lifestyle in order to make healthier decisions to um to keep the weight off that I just lost with this drug and you know um yeah I was so desperate to lose weight I was like on Tik Tok scrolling through and like they were sharing like oh th this drug does this and this ises that and I was like okay I'm going to go ahead and just blindly buy this thing and showed up what kind of drug it was um it was a pill that I took and it really it like suppressed my want to eat food but it also like had some really bad side effects like when I would eat I would feel sick after and I realized like oh I'm feeling horrible all the time and

19:16 having this energy low and like just feeling physically sick how long were you on it I was on it for two months maybe did you lose weight I I lost some weight but as soon as I got off of it I gained all of that weight back you have you have to know what to do once once you're there what are you going to do exactly it was like it was like the crutch and like you just relied on it so much and then once it was gone you had to you had to do your own thing and you have to figure it out you had to figure it out and the pill was doing all that that for you and then for me I gained more weight than I lost when I was on it let's bring in our disagrees so I've heavily considered taking oit but I've decided not to

20:03 because you either have to stay on that drug long term to keep those effects or if you get off of it most people are going to gain the weight back so I'm no longer interested in anything that is not a complete lifestyle change like for me I have learned over the years that I would prefer to be fat and happy than thin and miserable so like right now I'm just trying to you know eat less processed food um you know stay away from like sodas and stuff for the most part um but I will never count calories like or because to me that leads to disordered um eating habits for for you for me personally yes I'm not I'm not talking for everybody I'm not talking for everybody

20:48 but for me personally and I do think for a lot of people it it can lead to disordered eating kind of uh circling back to uh the topic about taking a weight loss drugs hell no I would never take no weight loss drug like I like I worked really hard for my body like and I'm like a very big believer in that phrase like if you wanted to you could MH wouldn't you be so much happier if you lost the weight and you look back on it and it was like yeah like I did that exactly you know like that was 100% all me I didn't need no help I didn't need no cheat codes like this was the work that I put in and I got the results that I wanted and that was the mindset that I wish that I had before I before I took the drugs cuz like I was super naive I was like 18

21:34 years old and I had no knowledge about anything and I was looking for a quick fix cuz all these people were telling me Oh you need to lose weight you need to do this and that was in my own household so it was my family telling me this along with my friends and everything like that it's a lifestyle change ultimately these are tools that you can utilize but if you are not changing your lifestyle to go with it then what will have been forth and so I think that's really ultimately what it is if you're not ready commit to the lifestyle change using these tools is not going to help you when people do these quote unquote shortcuts a lot of the time like mentally they're not there so they lose the weight and then they're still like not fixing the problem exactly it was like it was a quick fix and now that it's you know they get off it like everything mentally like that they were at when they were at a bigger weight is still there because they didn't put in

22:20 that mental work like doing it on their own for example we got to reset the next one I'm getting the signal fit with women are more attractive than fat women will the agreer please step forward um I would definitely agree fit women are more attractive than like plus-sized women only because me having this body it shows that I can commit to something right and it shows that I'm hardworking so I feel like men looking at my body can see oh okay she's dedicated she put in the work and that could be an attractive quality uh that men see in me I would definitely go for like a more muscular guy so that kind of shows that we have something in common something that we can work on together

23:05 so gym dates yeah gym dayses for sure all right thank you can we bring in the disagree I feel like I'm going to get flamed alive right now it's all good I'm bisexual so I love women I love women all the bisexual I think all women are beautiful I've had relationship with women they are fit they are not fit variety and I can tell you that personality wise the skinniest ones and the most beautiful ones have had a personality that I cannot work with me personally me so and it comes from a place that the way that I grew up the way that they grew up thoughts Minds you surround yourself with people that you like that is like you your personality has more Beauty than the way that you look your physical looks will disappear my grandma she used to be a very petite

23:51 tiny woman grw up in the Philippines my grandpa the same way now they're a little bigger they're more comfortable 50 years later still love my grandpa always makes jokes like when I remember growing up he like this is Burger King and this is McDonald's I'm the king and I'm loving and I'm like Dad my grandpa he showed me like you can appreciate a woman through all the changes you know like and that's what I love like you can I could be once I get skinny like my boyfriend can still love me but maybe he loves me more cuz how I am personally I think people like to be like oh it's always going to be the fit woman is more attractive than the plus-sized women I just don't think that's true like there's a lot of beautiful fit women there's also a lot of not very beautiful ones you know what I mean to assume that size will always equal more attractive I just think is like silly bye basis I'm more on the healthy side well you can be

24:36 th and not help but the biggest issue I have with what you said um I disagree with you I think as a fit girl as well fit girles I still disagree with you because there's beautiful women who are in bigger bodies like I feel like it's an arrogance almost to be like oh because I'm fit I'm more attractive like that's it's ridiculous and the biggest issue I had was what you said about um men being attracted to you more just because your fit I think that that's basing your worth on a man and I'm married as a married woman saying that I just don't understand what that has to do with the principle of just physical attractiveness it has nothing to do with if someone else deems you as attractive it's like just solely based on the physical so I 100% disagree with you I was debating actually stepping forward because um of just what Society has

25:22 taught me my whole life is like then is more beautiful then is more beautiful then is more beautiful and I've really had to work on unlearning that like for so many years so many years when I was like you know 1920 I was like oh the reason I'm not in a relationship is because I'm fat like I need to lose weight and then I'll be become in a relationship then someone will love me and I thought that for so many years and like my self-confidence was like down here and I really had to work on unlearning that and I'm still trying to unlearn that but like I have learned over the years that people are attracted to different things so if you ask one person they're going to tell you oh this is what I'm attracted to and if you ask someone else they might have a

26:07 completely different answer so I think attractiveness is subjective I think when it comes to society Society 100% says skinnier is better I mean I I hear a lot of what you're saying but I'm curious anybody want to share like what is the type of body that you're attracted to to me on men well I don't know there's there's people are so whether it's men or women what kind of bodies are you attracted to cuz I've been smaller and bigger I am tall um I already eliminating a majority of people cuz I'm want a taller man me but you know what somebody on your show Zach Mo was that the tall guy it was the model oh yeah the plus size model he was so unfortunately married so it's like I I have dated some fantastically gorgeous

26:54 men but when I feel most comfortable and myself and I can feel just kind of let it all out is a guy that's a little has some cushion gym people for gym people and um that kind of seems like unattainable not my vibe no I appreciate the specificity else so I do have a type but also like I've never dated before so I'd say like my type goes from um I like I like my type goes from like Prince Eric to um uh fluffy yes the comedian fluffy I just feel like I could like hug him like he would give the best hugs and be like the best person it's a very wide range very wide range of a lot of a lot of infinites to that but like I don't

27:39 discriminate against like body type or anything like that it's funny cuz for me as a bisexual woman like my what I like in women versus what I like in men is like very different so men I'm very much like you um like Dad bods are kind of like what I'm the most attracted to I don't want someone like super super big but I also don't like super skinny or like super super buff like you have a little muscle that's fine but like the really buff guys like not my thing um but for women I like way more different kinds of women like thin big like I don't know I'm just way more attracted I think when it comes to different kinds of women like when I'm swiping on um dating apps like I'll maybe swipe on like one in every 20 men and like women it's like one in five women I just think overall are much more beautiful than men

28:24 like even and we have better profiles let's get this that too all right let's reset it's okay for models to set a high standard for body image will the agreer please step forward I did some modeling as a kid and as a teenager and even now as an adult I did pinup there's definitely like a high expectation in standard especially like in Runway modeling and things like that cuz they push out these clothing and they only do it in certain sizes there's standards that different companies have that they want to push out certain things so like for Pinups they want you to look a certain way they want you to do your makeup a certain way they want you to dress a certain way for that

29:10 style and same thing for like Victoria Victoria Secret they want to promote lingerie and there's a standard for each company and they have to live up to that standard based on what they're trying to promote and personally for me I always looked up to thin people I always found them very beautiful I was like I wanted be able to look like a Victoria Secret model one day it's okay to have a higher sign of ab be because it makes you want like oh I want to work harder on myself to achieve that type of body goal I might not look exactly like them like with the hips and everything but I want to be able to look a healthy version of myself that looks something like that um I think it's okay for models to have a higher standard of beauty because we are attracted to attractive things a model is selling something they're being hired to sell something and they're going to make it hey look at this look look at the dress I'm wearing and you as a

29:56 consumer you you don't want to look at somebody that is going to go g I don't even want to look at that person what were they selling I don't know let's bring in our disagre more disagrees than I expected I completely disagree I think we all forgot what modeling industry has done for women in our society I think we kind of went blank for a second um I'm a journalism major I have my degree in journalism and growing up with certain magazines and those women just because they were thin does not mean they were healthy have y'all ever seen America next Top Model um there's a lot of detrimental things that were happening within that Society within that community and I agree with you yes we all want to look at something aesthetically pleasing but that varies also the Molly industry is known for not being diverse hello so I don't know we

30:45 just like blacked out for a second very diverse now it was not when I started yeah but it's not that diverse now either it's it's evolving but I wouldn't go as far as saying it's that diverse but I think that it can be very detrimental as a young woman I think the body positivity movement kind of was created in justos because of the modeling industry of the '90s and early 2000 how toxic that was I do think we have come a long way but we still have like much further to go the average size of the woman in the United States is a size 16 so why are we not seeing that reflected more on runways and modeling and stuff you know I also have issues with when it comes to a lot of plus-size modeling too because a lot of plus-size models um they have the curves but they have no no belly and that's so unrealistic for most plus-size women

31:31 where it's like most plus-sized women if you are a size 20 like I am you're going to have a stomach and and most of those photos have been photoshopped or they even put Ping On smaller models to make them look bigger the standards keep changing how many models do they need to show to show all the different body types that for this to sell one dress sounds like there's a tension between the market if the data says more people click on this body even if it's unrealistic R put that body in the ad yes but what you're saying is that does that that's unfair representation of the true customer yeah exactly cuz then I'll like buy something that I saw on a plus-size model who has a flat stomach and then I put it on and it I'm like ugh I hate this cuz it's clinging into like

32:17 all the wrong Parts I just want to see something that looks it doesn't have to look exactly like me I think for a long time people thought that diversity and sizes wasn't marketable like can't make money from showing all this diversity of sizes but I think that there are new brands coming like Savage Edge Fenty with ran she has proven that you can have diverse bodies and you could still market and sell and let's be real most consumers are not the models they look different women should be fit enough to protect themselves will the agreer step forward this is something that I always say I listen no shame to people that are thinner but I just think you're so vulnerable when you're thin like if you're petite and you're frail and you're not strong enough to fight back I don't think that's safe for you I'm a

33:03 proponent of like building muscle that way you're sturdy that way if someone tries to come up on me they're going to feel something I think we should have have to like it sucks that we're in a society that we do but we have to you're appro yeah you're Approach To Danger at any moment know some punches know some locks I don't know but yeah definitely stay prepared as someone who trains k boxing boxing uh and mu Tha um at our facility like we do offer like women's self-defense classes and like no matter like what body size you are I highly recommend every single woman to take at least one class just so you know the basics and just like for your own protection I got attacked by a dog once when I was on a walk Al came out of this house and it came after me and I was

33:49 with a group of friends of course it comes after the big one don't get me wrong but it was scary I I couldn't run I couldn't run away from that problem but my friends able to and that came to my mind like oh my gosh I'm not good in cardio I know what I need to prove more on you need to be able to carry yourself pull yourself up right you know run even for you for your kids you know an emergency your kid is um swallowing something and it got stuck or you know everything around you needs your full potential energy so yeah definitely everybody work on their own pace and just make sure that you work on things that are going to help you and stay safe because it's dangerous not to be an easy target aside from dog dogs which has anyone ever been in a situation where they've had to defend themselves I can talk

34:36 about it because it doesn't hurt anymore but when I was young I did get molested and it's fine it's fine I'm over it I know it wasn't my fault see I I work with my brain a lot so for me I was laying down and it was more of a like situation where I couldn't move because of what everything was that was happening around me and my thoughts were just like I need need to find a way to survive I need to find a way to to push this person from me and I was 13 so it was like you know what pray pray pray pray pray cuz there was a cousin sleeping next to me and I was like please have her move please have her move so I can move and she did and as soon as I and she that she moved I found the way to just push him like I Found the courage to push him off it came from

35:22 I don't know where but it came and whatever happened after that so it it it is a situation where as women we are sub subject to not just men but to a lot of people and where we need to find a way to protect yourself and not just us as we're growing older like we should be showing our children how to and who not to trust instead of judging them instead of expecting from them you should be teaching them to find their way and what works for them to find a courage to save themselves from whatever is going to be a struggle for them in the future yeah so thank you for Shar Shing that story I have abused my body will the agreer step forward personally for me um I've always

36:09 suffered with anxiety and depression since I was young I haven't grown up in the best areas um I used to self harm in different ways I suffered with like purging and everything and like actual like physically cutting myself sometimes I even tempted to like burn myself I when I look in the mirror I'm just like what is wrong with you and I was 13 12 and around this time I did not like the way I look I'm not happy right now and like the only thing I have control of cuz I don't have money I I can control what I can do to myself and it wasn't until like I gotten older and I started studying mental health I started studying like different like ways you can take care of yourself with the resources I had I was like oh my gosh I'm not the best at my mind right now and this is there's other opportunities I can control those bad thoughts um to let them out what were some of the tools

36:56 that were most helpful to you meditation really was a big thing for me I loved meditating whenever I had those I call it like noise like those just thoughts in my head like just talking talking talking talking I'm like close your eyes inhale exhale and just breathe just find your Center and calm yourself that's really helped me a lot addiction is the disease that tells your brain that the problem is the solution um my biggest addiction was food and I I um and you get a serotonin kick you get everybody has a vice because that's something cheap and fast at some point it's it's not you're not a victim anymore like you're actually doing it to yourself this lifestyle of this and up and down and how I even

37:42 abuse myself how how how I used to talk to myself and you're not good enough you're not pretty enough you're not thin enough you know you're never enough until I change the way I spoke to myself did a change changes ever happen and maintain um abuse my body a lot by being an emotional eater like I'm I'm a very emotional person actually I just found out um last year that I have BPD ever since I was a teenager I have struggled heavily with depression and Suicidal Thoughts like all the time yeah I I have abused my body over the years and I'm trying to love myself more take better care of do it don't try just do it well you say that but it can be hard make it easy make it easy make it easy to speak to yourself in a kind way

38:28 yeah I'm I just got upset because you you don't want to be on this you're a gift thank you how dare you take it that beautiful gift away how dare you you're not allowed to do that anymore okay you're here you have to speak to yourself kindly be nice to yourself your family members how would they tell um tell somebody else that's speaking to you that way to you and you do it to yourself that's not okay yeah you can change it make a make a choice Yeah it's gotten it's gotten a lot better over the years that I'm much kinder to myself and I wish I could like tell my younger self to like be kinder but you can tell her tell her right now you can tell that baby right now she's good enough and she's meant to be here

39:14 thank you [ __ ] I'm like I just want to give you a hug cuz I relate to your story so much um I like I I I'm I was an emotional eater to too I I still am an emotional eater I'm working on it so much but like when I was getting bullied in Middle School like I was getting called fat and all these things and I was getting I was literally getting notes handed to me being saying that I was like a a fat whale it really messed me up and it made me um attempt suicide a few times and I was a child I was 12 years old and it wasn't until after I attempted and my family found out cuz now I don't think that way anymore that's why I'm such a

39:59 huge like advocate for mental health and just like like love love yourself you have to love yourself and or in order to change things that you want to change I know you haven't spoke bring in the for the the people who came in um the disagrees with this prompt what are the what have been the most valuable tools or resources in your life to not abuse your body I think of like the highest version of myself and I try to show up as her every single day when I have dark thoughts or when things are hard I'm like okay the highest version of Alyssa like she's a baddie she's disciplined you know she loves herself and I kind of show up as her 100% agree with that um I'm a very

40:47 big believer and like if you say things out loud and manifest them then they will come true because eventually you do end up getting like that mentality switch right like if you wake up and the first thing that you say to yourself like in the mirror is like I'm ugly you know that's what you're going to go about your entire day believing you know but maybe like writing something down like having it like on the mirror and stuff and starting every morning like smiling and with like positivity then you'll carry that energy like through the entire day the entire week the entire month and eventually like your entire life if you have a network of people that if you're feeling any kind of emotion or going through anything having that kind of community to help you figure out how you can go about this without doing some detrimental harm to yourself I think think it's really amazing and again a privilege that I was able to have that if nothing else I hope anyone watching this can really see and

41:33 empathize and like you can't just look at someone and be like oh they're this and that or they're lazy or they don't work hard enough like I think this conversation has just been so Illuminating for me and I hope it's illuminated for everybody for me also just adding to like what helped me get out of the depression that I had was I sat down and I cried I would cry in my room and acknowledge the things I needed to change even though it was going to cost me and I had had supporters like my family my sister's my biggest supporter I love you with all my heart and you really need to work on yourself make a better choice change your body if it's necessary if you can but be healthy because we're not getting any better this world is just going to get harder so we need to be healthy and prepared for whatever we need to do you know so

42:19 yeah work out um safy and you know everybody we hope we you're healthy for like the longest time cuz man I definitely agree with like letting out a good cry cuz I was an emotional eater I was such an emotional eater like I held all my emotions in and what I would do is I would eat instead of letting that emotion out and recognizing the emotion and it wasn't until like I let out that cry I reached out to the people and start you reach out to the people that you trust and you feel the safest with and I did that that I started to realize like oh I need to change this it isn't healthy to go to the food instead of going to the people you got to go to your people mhm I agree with that the day after my mom passed I just came back literally D like I took a plane back to California to be with my family while

43:05 she was in her com and that day I was just like you know what my mom's gone I want to be gone you know and the only people person I really trust and love I care for and door is my grandma she is my rock and I remember looking at her like we call home my grandma I'm done this is it and she told me this the only thing that keeps me going till this day is the moment you're gone I love lost you I lose your mom I have no one and reaching out to my grand and telling her like I'm I'm ready I'm ready to just end it it made me realize like I if I keep hurting myself I'm not just hurting myself I'm hurting the people who love me the most making sure like you know when you're going through your hard spot just know like you're not alone in that the there's people around you who do truly love you and they want

43:51 you to reach out to them and tell them like what's going on with you so I always recommend that yeah I'm so sorry what she said don't ever apologize ever especially as a woman stop apologizing I love that thank you all so much for the vulnerability and for sharing your opinions through the discussion thank you guys for watching Middle Ground subscribe watch more Middle Ground listen to radical empathy and leave a positive or thoughtful comment because these folks are human all right thanks thank you this was like positive I was worried after watching the I'm ready to T