Full transcript of “RBA: It's Really Bad Advice for Good Men to Go to Marriage Counseling”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:00 Hello, I'm Karen Sites with the Happy Wife School and welcome to an episode of RBA where I critique the really bad advice that experts in the field of marriage and relationships are giving to couples. So, in today's episode, we are going to take a look at a clip from the Showtime docu series called Couples Therapy. So, this is a series where real couples have agreed to have their marriage counseling sessions recorded with a renowned therapist. And we're going to talk about why it is really bad advice for good men to go to marriage counseling regardless of what your wife, the experts, the
0:45 books, your friends, your family, your church tell you about it being a positive step to solving the issues in your marriage. It is not. So before we get into it, please subscribe to the channel so that you get notifications when I put important content out to help you in your marriage. And please hit the like button so it helps the algorithm get this message out to more people. So before I play the clip, here's what I want you to watch for. So for the good men listening, I want you to know that what you are about to see where this woman blames her husband for what she sees lacking in the relationship for her two long-term affairs. Two long-term
1:30 affairs that lasted years. that what you will see is a common typical experience. This is what you can expect if you go to marriage counseling regardless of the issues that you are facing that your wife wants to work on in couples counseling. You will see that coup's counseling is an unsafe place for good men because it is psychologically destructive making him doubt his own reality and perception of the problems putting all the weight on the problems on his shoulder. and it is essentially a character assassination. I also want you to note that your wife will only want to go to a therapist like the one you're about to see who lets her get away with bashing you and blaming you for her poor behavior and the
2:15 problems in the marriage. And for the women listening, I want you to take a look at how we act in marriage counseling. You will very clearly see how aggressive and doineering this woman is in the clip. You'll see she has no clear intentions of solving the issues that she is is spinning and weaving stories and pulling him into that because she only wants to bash him and blame him for the problems. And this is a red pill moment to realize this is our aim and our goal as women in a marriage counseling session that this is the truth of how we show up. We have no intentions of taking accountability. We only want to blame our husbands and we only want to find a therapist or a counselor who will let us get away with that and validate us in our stories of
3:03 how our husband is the problem. You also want to pay attention to how outrageous it is. And if you can see how outrageous it is that she is blaming her husband for two long-term affairs. And for both men and women watching, I want you to see how passive this highly regarded, renowned marriage counselor is throughout the clip. She is very clearly not in control of the session, and she allows the wife to go off and attack her husband for the two affairs she had. A marriage counselor, you want to know, should be holding what I call the doctor frame, where the counselor is in control of the session. She sets the groundwork for what's allowed, what's not allowed.
3:49 She sets the rules of the engagement and holds the boundaries strongly when the rules are being broken, which they clearly are in this clip, and not allowing venting, bashing, and yelling, which you are about to see. So, without further ado, let's take a look together. In >> a relationship for 5 years with someone else, and a year and a half ago, I was in a relationship with an ex-girlfriend. Yeah, but that if that to say that like I mean the way you're just saying it is like if I had done something you wouldn't have done those things. >> That's not what I'm saying. >> And and that some and that somehow if I had just gotten it right >> you wouldn't have done those things. That's exactly what it sounds like. >> It's not about getting it right. There's not
4:35 >> I'm screaming at you to do what I'm asking you to do. Do it the way I want you to do it. >> I'm asking you what am I asking you to do? >> Really? Is this really an interrogation? Is that how we're going to do it? leading me down the path to getting I'm not interrogating the answer that you're hoping for. >> I'm not interrogating you. I'm trying it. >> I'm trying to see if you can repeat what I have been asking for years. >> I could have talked to you more about all the things that I was feeling about the questions I was having. >> So, why isn't that happening now? >> Why isn't that happening now? The wife just summed it all up with putting her poor behavior of having two affairs, two long affairs on him and how she felt she
5:20 wasn't being listened to or heard or loved the right way in the relationship and clearly felt entitled to her poor behavior of the affairs. So, this is how bad it is out there in marriage counseling. And I hoped you saw how the counselor was just sitting there passively letting the woman bash her husband, not intervening at all, just letting it go. Almost like to me it looked like she was like watching a movie or watching the show herself and not doing her job as a marriage counselor. So there's three points that I want to make about why marriage counseling for men and in general is RBA. Really bad advice. So, number one, the number one thing that a marriage counselor is said to be trained in is
6:06 conflict resolution. That they're supposed to be trained to be able to provide a neutral space, to mediate conflict, to help the couple break negative patterns, and to lead the couple toward conflict resolution, coming up to a solution to the problems. And what I want you to know is that in conflict resolution, there should be no arguing or any space for gaslighting and blaming, which is what happened the whole clip without any intervention from the counselor. So even though it's said and widely known that marriage counselors are supposed to be trained in conflict resolution, it is very clear to me and I hope to you as well from this clip that their training
6:52 is ineffective. It doesn't work. There is no conflict resolution happening. It is a space of venting, bashing, and a bitching session for the woman toward her husband. In order for true conflict resolution to take place, which should be the goal of why couples are going to marriage counseling, which will never be the case with a woman, but for conflict resolution to take place, there has to be boundaries. And the counselor has to have the ability to create a safe space for both people and lead the couple to a resolution of the problem without any attacking. Which it's clear the wife is attacking her husband under two affairs. Two affairs and one with a woman.
7:41 Which leads to my next point. The second point I want to make. It is malpractice for the marriage counselor to allow the wife to blame her husband for why she has had two affairs. It's incredulous to me. This shows the gyocentric nature of counselors that they are not trained at all. This is one of the most important points. Marriage counselors are not trained at all to see through a woman's story and how she weaves and and uses her own victim story of how she's she's not at fault and painting the poor me story and putting the blame outside of her that as women we use to manipulate our
8:28 way out of accountability. A therapist is simply not trained to see through those stories and gets easily manipulated and caught up into a woman's story. And this shows you how counselors are against victim blaming. Meaning that you can't blame the woman for her affairs because the husband may be treating her in a way that she stepped outside the marriage. and that you can't put the accountability or responsibility on the woman. To me, this counselor has no concept of integrity or character and commitment to one's vows that it's not okay to go have two long-term affairs
9:16 because you feel you are not being loved in the right way. Which leads me to my third point that I want to make about this clip and why marriage counseling is RBA for good men. Number three, marriage counselors are not trained to know the dynamics between women and good men in a marriage. In this case, they are not trained to know the differences in women and good men when they have affairs. I want to make this point because I can hear some of you saying, "Yeah, but Karen, this isn't fair. Why is it okay to say that a woman causes good a good man to cheat, but that good man good men can't cause women to cheat? That sounds like a double standard. But
10:02 affairs from a woman in a marriage and affairs or infidelity from a good man in a marriage come from two totally different places that a marriage counselor is not trained in. A woman pushes her husband away intentionally so that he might cheat. And she does that by withholding sex, emasculating him, and gaslighting him to believe he is the problem in the marriage to push him to the point where he might have a vulnerable, weak moment and step outside the marriage. And as women, we want that. We want that because we want the ultimate victim story. of why we are the victim in the relationship of what our husbands did to
10:48 us that we can blame them and have the perfect excuse out of the marriage. Our husband's cheating is the perfect excuse for us to leave and and have a valid reason that everyone will support or have the perfect excuse in the relationship to get away with whatever we want because our husbands cheated. So good men have strong morals and values and integrity. It's the makeup of a good man. And it is not natural for them to cheat. They unlike women do not feel entitled to destroy their family unit to find their happiness and be loved in spite of the terrible treatment they are getting from their wives. It takes a lot of
11:34 withholding, a lot of pushing away, a lot of emasculation and gaslighting for a good man to step outside the marriage. And it happens from the deprivation of love and affection and the withholding and the emasculation and gaslighting in the relationship that they hit a breaking point. the they're vulnerable and weak and susceptible to a woman coming on on to them. And that is the the path a good man might cheat. Whereas women, we are selfish. We're self-centered. And we have little to no values or integrity and feel entitled to our pursuit of romantic love and
12:19 happiness at the expense of destroying the family unit. So women like the one in this clip feel entitled to have an affair or multiple affairs when her husband can't make her happy and can't make her feel those romantic feelings of being loved being in love like in the beginning. So there you have it. That's why marriage counseling or one angle of why marriage counseling is RBA really bad advice for good men and for couples in general. And I I hope this was a an an interesting angle on what I teach here on the channel. I look forward to doing
13:06 more episodes of RBA and and looking at different counselors and experts in the marriage and relationship field and the really bad advice that they give. So if you want to avoid marriage counseling, please check out my courses below. I have courses for married women to learn to be happy within themselves and outgrow their woman ways so they can be happy wives. And I have a course for good men to regain their strength and confidence so that they can constructively navigate the issues and challenges in their marriages. So be sure to check the link out in the description below to learn more about my courses. Don't forget to subscribe and like this video. Share it if you know someone. It will help. And I look forward to seeing you again soon for another episode of RBA.
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