Brief Summary
This video discusses the deeper levels of the subconscious mind, focusing on impulses, desires, intentions, and frames in the context of inner and outer game. It explains how these elements influence interactions, particularly with women, and highlights the importance of understanding and managing one's desires and fears. The video also touches on the concepts of polarity, attraction, and frame control, emphasizing that attraction is an effect of polarity, not something that can be created directly.
- Inner game involves understanding impulses, desires, and intentions.
- Outer game involves opening, hooking, vibing, and closing.
- Frame control is about maintaining one's perspective rather than breaking others' frames.
- Attraction is an effect of polarity, which is created by establishing man-to-woman dynamics.
Intro
The video introduces a discussion about the deeper levels of the subconscious, building on previous sessions about the surface levels of the unconscious. The session will explore the inner game, focusing on impulse and desire.
Impulse and Desire
Impulse is described as a chemical reaction in the body, such as the feeling when seeing someone attractive. Desire is the thought that forms from these chemical reactions. The speaker explains that when you see a woman and feel like talking to her, the burning sensation from your abdominals to your chest is the impulse. This impulse takes the form of a thought, a desire, which needs an intention to move forward.
Inner Game vs Outer Game
The discussion covers the concept of "frame," which is how to build a man-to-woman polarity in which desire can exist. This is all part of the "inner game," which cannot be separated from the "outer game." The inner game consists of impulse, desire, intent, and frame, while the outer game consists of opening, hooking, vibing, and closing. The speaker emphasizes that one cannot have a good outer game without a good inner game, and vice versa.
Identifying the Real Problem
The speaker points out that many people misdiagnose their problems in dating because they lack a basic understanding of the whole process. For example, someone might think their problem is in "opening" (starting a conversation), but the real problem might be an inability to deal with their own desire or shame towards their sexual feelings.
Deeper Dive into Impulse
The speaker elaborates on impulse, explaining that it's not just about seeing someone attractive, but feeling sexual attraction. This triggers a rush of testosterone and a warm feeling from the stomach to the chest. The speaker connects unconscious and subconscious by explaining that this sensation can be conditioned based on past experiences, such as fights at home.
Fear vs Desire
The speaker explains that impulse can create both fear and desire. He illustrates this with an example of seeing an attractive woman in a mall. One person might want to talk to her out of genuine curiosity, while another might want to talk to her solely for sex. The speaker emphasizes that neither desire is inherently good or bad, but the cause of the desire will affect the outcome.
Uncertainty and the Nervous System
Impulses arise when the brain senses uncertainty or threat. This uncertainty can be seen in two ways: as an exciting challenge (like skydiving) or as a dangerous threat (skydiving without a parachute). The body may respond with the sympathetic nervous system (fear) or the parasympathetic nervous system (relaxation).
Bouquet of Desires and Fears
The speaker uses the metaphor of holding a bouquet of desires in one hand and a bouquet of fears in the other. The bouquet of desires includes wanting to talk to her, have coffee, have sex, and enter a relationship. The bouquet of fears includes rejection, running out of things to say, her boyfriend showing up, and getting beaten up. The speaker suggests that most people drop both bouquets and justify it by saying "it's not my cup of tea."
The Problem with Desire
The speaker argues that approach anxiety is not the real problem; the real problem is not wanting it badly enough. He illustrates this with a scenario of needing to get an injection for one's mother in the hospital. In that situation, fear wouldn't stop you. The speaker suggests that the problem is often sexual shame, the fear of being found out that you want to have sex with her.
Desire: Downward and Upward Spirals
The speaker explains that desire is a state of unfulfillment that can lead to either an upward or downward spiral. The downward spiral involves criticism, fear, anger, self-pity, guilt, and shame. The upward spiral involves criticism, pride, boredom, courage, willingness, acceptance, reason, and joy.
Desire and Action
The speaker emphasizes the difference between wanting something and being willing to do it. He explains that acceptance comes when you are actually in front of the person you desire. He also notes that a change in one's life will show up in their game, and vice versa.
Rationalization and Fear
The speaker dismisses excuses like "my physical appearance gives me complex," arguing that these are rationalizations. He states that the only real fear is the fear of death, and psychologically, the fear of falling from heights. Every other fear is learned or an excuse.
Intention as a Lens
The speaker introduces intention as a lens through which desire is focused. This lens has a maximum focal length (sexual) and a minimum focal length (fun). He suggests always starting interactions with the minimum intention of having fun.
The Importance of Fun
The speaker stresses that fun is the minimum intention for any interaction. He argues that sex is a byproduct of having fun. He also clarifies that desire is nonverbal and should be projected, not verbalized.
Nonverbal Communication
The speaker emphasizes that 93% of communication is nonverbal, meaning it can't be heard but can only be seen and felt. He illustrates this by changing his tone and body language. He also shares the "white cow story" to highlight that women are more visual and men are more focused on getting what they want.
Frame Control
The speaker defines frame as the way we see the world. He states that two frames cannot coexist and that frames are rooted in survival. He emphasizes that you are not frame controlling her; you are controlling your frame. She will leave her frame and come into your frame.
Frame Properties
The speaker explains two key properties of frames: they cannot coexist, and a bigger frame will consume the smaller one. He uses examples to illustrate how these principles work in interactions.
Attraction and Polarity
The speaker states that you don't create attraction; you create polarity. Attraction is the effect of polarity, not something that can be created directly. He explains that polarity is created when two opposite poles come into close contact.
Man-to-Woman Frame
The speaker emphasizes that attraction can only exist in a man-to-woman frame. He contrasts this with friend-to-friend and stranger-to-stranger frames, where attraction is unlikely. He uses examples from movies to illustrate the man-to-woman dynamic.
Creating Polarity
The speaker concludes by stating that the next session will cover how to create a man-to-woman polarity. He also addresses questions about breaking friend zone frames and developing king characteristics. He advises against trying to break a friend zone frame, as it will likely result in losing the friend. He also suggests that developing king characteristics requires action and experience, not just reading books.
