0:00 So, if you are a regular viewer of this channel, you know that one of my main goals is to talk about issues men face and disrupt the common narratives that are often put out about men. And today, I've got yet another claim being made in the media that is long on conjecture and supposition and short on fact. The claim that men are overwhelmingly dying alone in nursing homes because nobody shows up. claim you'll often hear women make. Yet, reality says something completely different.
0:45 So, this news article, sorry, story has been making the rounds on social media, mostly posted by women trying to dump on men because nothing says I'm a strong, independent, and secure woman more than spending all day, every day, posting lame ass memes and stories trying to get joy, happiness, and validation by celebrating the supposed struggles of others, especially men. I mean, it is pretty sad when you think about it, but if you spend any amount of time on social media or around women at all, you know, it's what drives them. Anyway, the headline comes from a story that was done almost 2 years ago, but which now is rearing its ugly head again on X and Insta. The story makes the claim that
1:32 men are overwhelmingly dying alone in nursing homes. And in a leap of logic that even Superman couldn't make, apparently that means men are terrible, families are heartless, and women are angels. Because of course, that's where we're going with this. So, the article is mostly based on a Tik Tok video from a healthcare worker, one who claims that when men are dying in nursing homes, nobody shows up for them. Not their wives, not their kids, not their grandkids. Meanwhile, according to the article, women in nursing homes are often well taken care of with family constantly around them. The framing is pretty clear. The narrative is obvious. Men are abandoned and women are
2:18 cherished. Cue the tiny violins and comment section rage. Now, before we go any further, let's get something straight. As I said, this is based on a Tik Tok video cuz well, any claim a woman makes on Tik Tok should be treated as absolute gospel truth, right? I mean, no woman would ever exaggerate or outright lie on social media, would they? Let's be clear. This claim is not based on any real data. Not on national data, not on large-scale studies, nor is it even based on official visitation records. No, the entire claim comes from one person's personal observation from one facility at one point in time, which
3:06 has now been turned into a sweeping claim about men as a group. It's not journalism. its social media storytelling. It's fiction that even Marvel or DC would admire. And it brings up a point, which is this. I always laugh when those that don't like what I have to say that when I speak for men, I'm basing it on anecdotal evidence. Cuz, you know, having tens of thousands of comments sharing their stories from men, not to mention hundreds of emails every day on top of that doesn't count for anything. I mean, they could be lying, right? Yet, the same doesn't work in reverse. Oh, no. My friends, when women and feminists hear something they
3:51 like, no matter how outrageous it is, something that fits their feels, well, then anecdotes are to be believed without question cuz me, believe all women, right? But the fact is, the anecdotes are powerful. They feel real. They hit emotionally, but they are not evidence. At least not when it's a grand total of one person making the claim. Thousands, tens of thousands, dare I say millions. Yeah. Then sure, maybe we should start accepting it. Start accepting what's being said. Maybe that it has at least a little bit of truth in it. But one child, please. I mean, if we decided national policy based on what
4:36 someone saw on a Tuesday shift, we'd be living in a full-time reality show. Oh, wait. I guess these days that's what we are doing, aren't we? The fact is one nurse's experience does not equal a nationwide trend. It just means that nurse may, emphasis on may have seen something painful. And while sure you can argue that matters emotionally, the fact is it does not justify turning it into a gender indictment. And nowhere in the article does it say, "Hey, here are the statistics." No, what it says is healthcare workers have noticed, though it's only one healthare worker, which begs the question, which ones? How many?
5:24 Across how many facilities over what time span? Of course, the article provides no answers to any of those. Nope. It's all just vibes and tears. Well, how about we inject some reality into this whole claim real quick? Because here is what is an absolute fact. There are significantly more women than men in nursing homes. Most cases, it's usually somewhere between double and triple the number of women versus men in a particular home. Why? Well, there's the obvious answer to all of that because women live longer than men. So, right out of the gate, there are more female residents. And here's the thing little Miss Nurse and the author of this article didn't bother taking
6:10 into account. More residents means more total family visits. Not because families love women more, but because there are simply more women there. So, if you walk into a facility, and I have many, you can see for yourself that it's a given you're going to see more women receiving visits simply because there are more of them there. Period. That alone blows up the idea that men are being uniquely abandoned. But wait, it gets better. Because you see, while I don't proclaim to be an expert in nursing homes, I just happen to be related to multiple people who actually are. One of whom has been working in the field for almost 45 years now. One who
6:57 has well over four decades of experience in nursing home administration and who, you might want to sit down for this one, actually runs a nursing home right now. This is someone who has spent their entire adult life working directly with residents and families. And as such, I've personally seen this environment many times myself. And according to their experience, experience I trust far more than some random chick with an agenda on TikTok, there is no meaningful difference between how families treat their male and female relatives. None. zero zilch. And if that's not enough, as I said, I have other relatives who have
7:43 worked in the field for many years themselves who, when I checked with them, concurred with what I just said. The fact is there are far too many men and women in nursing homes who have been abandoned by their families. Discarded, if you will, but the reality is there are many more who aren't. Now, they may not have visitors every single day, but families do. what they can. And I saw this myself over the recent Christmas holiday where the overwhelming majority of the residents in one local nursing home had at least one visitor. Most had many more. Some even got to leave the facility for the day and go spend it with their families. That is more the norm than those who are abandoned. And as I said, it has
8:31 absolutely nothing nothing whatsoever to do with gender. The truth is families visit when they can. They don't visit when they can't. Things get in the way. Work schedules, distance, health, finances. Sometimes it's burnout or family conflict and logistics matter far far more than gender. And if anything, as my source told me, women actually receive fewer visits than men, especially when they outlive their spouses and siblings. But see, that part doesn't fit the narrative, so doesn't get a headline. And let's get a little further into the facts, shall we? I know, I know, ladies, you don't like
9:17 facts. You like feelings. Well, we don't base things on feelings here at Men Need to be heard. We base them on actual proven facts. And when researchers study loneliness in nursing homes, they don't find that only men are isolated. No. To the contrary, what they find is that a large percentage of residents, both men and women, experience loneliness and social isolation. Look, that's not a condemnation of the families nor the facilities. It's simply the nature of the beast. Because nursing homes are isolating by nature. Your independence is gone, your social circle has shrunk, your peers are passing away, and your mobility is likely limited.
10:03 That affects everyone equally regardless of their gender. What those studies actually show, which I mentioned earlier, is that visitation depends more on things like distance from family, number of surviving relatives, family dynamics, and all the other socioeconomic factors. Gender, in fact, doesn't usually even come into the equation. But see, that doesn't fit the feminine fields, and it certainly doesn't trend on Tik Tok. So instead, we get yet another episode of men bad women victims. Let's roll the credits. Let's be honest about what this article is all about, what it's trying to do. It's not trying to improve elder care. It's
10:48 certainly not trying to address family burnout. And it's not trying to talk about the brutal endof life realities that everyone can face. No, what it's doing is using dying men as props and scapegoats to reinforce the same tired narrative that women and feminists have been pushing for decades, which is that men and only men fail at relationships. Men and only men get abandoned because, well, they deserve it. And women are nothing but loyal, nurturing, and loved by all. Aw, sure that story may be emotionally satisfying, but it's not accurate. Not in the least. And if you actually go and
11:33 read the article, you'll quickly notice how no one bothered to ask the obvious questions. What if the man's family had already passed away? What if his kids lived across the country? What if the family can't take time off from work? What if things like COVID or flu restrictions cut off visits? Something that, yes, is still happening today. Or what if he never had kids at all? You know, like what will be the case for millions of women now in their 20s and 30s who've somehow decided that motherhood is oppression. I wish I was going to be around in another 50 years to see who's really sitting alone, unwanted, and with no one to take care of them. And spoiler alert, it's going
12:20 to be those ladies. But you see, none of that matters to the headline because complexity, in fact, ruins the outrage. And here's the worst part. There is a real problem with elder loneliness in this country. There are real problems with families being overwhelmed. There is a real problem with underststaffed nursing home facilities. But instead of talking about solutions, instead of even acknowledging those problems, we get gender blame theater. And when you remind people that women also die alone, that family struggle regardless of sex, that structural issues matter more than chromosomes, you'll quickly get accused of trying to deflect, of trying to minimize women's suffering. Not men's,
13:07 women's. You know, like they're trying to do in the reverse with articles like this one that we're discussing. To which I say, okay, who's the ones deflecting and projecting much? Because the reality is stating the truth is not minimizing anything. It's just that, stating the truth. Look, all I'm saying is how about we don't weaponize men's suffering to push a fake moral narrative? How about we address the very real issues, not based on agenda, but reality? Because if you actually cared about people dying alone, you'd push for things like better staffing, more funding, more community involvement, and family support programs. Sorry, you don't get to turn this into a morality play about mad men
13:55 and saintly women. What this really is is just feminism doing what it's done for 50 years now. Taking an issue and then using it to bash men and turn women into heroins. It's yet another example of gamma bias in action. Highlighting male suffering but framing it as the men's fault. Ignoring female suffering or treating it as tragic and undeserved. Same pattern, just different headlines. The fact is, men aren't dying alone because they're morally inferior. No, if they are dying alone, it's because their families are already stretched too thin and struggling to get by on their own.
14:40 The sad, truly sad fact is people do die alone because aging is brutal and society doesn't want to deal with it. Doesn't care about the elderly. just wants them to go away. And it's why our elder care system is under serious strain with no help on the horizon. But blaming men is easier than actually fixing the systems, isn't it? So, let's call a spade a spade. Men are not overwhelmingly dying alone because their families don't care about them. There's absolutely no credible evidence for that claim whatsoever. As I said earlier, there's no national data backing it up. There is no systemic proof of gender-based abandonment in nursing
15:27 homes. What there is is another emotionally loaded story built on a single anecdote being used to reinforce a negative narrative that people already want to believe. That doesn't help dying men. And it certainly doesn't help dying women. Nor does it help families. It just helps get clicks and advertising revenue. So, how about if we actually want to talk about dignity at the end of life, we stick to talking about elder care, not gender blaming.
