5. Growth Through Feeling Crushed | The Divine Will & the Death of the Ego

0:00 Okay, so now, as we grow in divine love, what happens is we are on page two of the handout, growth through feeling crushed. What happens is the ego is exposed and the ego is not happy, right? Self-love has to move away. So we start feeling miserable. because the human world is, you know, not happy, becoming rebellious. I want to domain, you know. You remember what Jesus said in the first volume, you know, when he exposed the sin of pride to Louisa, yes. So he showed her this great king sitting on his throne, and this little worm,

0:50 at the feet of the king that wanted to keep blowing itself up. It's a worm. The king could just crush it with one step. But that worm kept thinking, I'm a great, I'm a great. It blew itself up and then took hold of the king, get out of the chair. I'm going to sit here. And that worm not only wanted to sit on the chair, but it had the audacity to kill the king. Imagine. if it could, if it could, not realizing that it's just the one and the king could just crush it. So that's how our human world operates when the sin of pride is, you know, we keep blowing ourselves up and we want to sit at the chair of God

1:38 and put God aside, if not kill God. So we dominate, okay? And we see that in our society, They cast God out of the classroom, out of society, out of our culture. And there you speak about God. Gosh, yes. All right. But God has got the plan. And all is in control. All is in order. As sin increases, grace abounds even more. So there is an increase in evil in the world, intense increase in evil. But... God is operating interiorly even greater through the souls that are receiving this gift and operating in

2:25 this gift. So God has got everything under control. But as we grow with that gift, that ego has to disappear. So if you feel miserable, if you feel crushed, if you feel low, it's normal. It's normal. So Father will read us this diary entry. I was saying to my sweet Jesus, I don't know, the more you say you give to me by means of your holy volition, the more wretched and ugly I feel. I should feel better, more good, instead all the opposite. And Jesus told me, my daughter, the more the wheat of my will grows in

3:10 you, the more you will feel the misery of your straw. In fact, when the ear begins to form, wheat and straw are one thing. But as the life of the ear keeps forming, since the wheat forms, the straw is detached from the wheat and remains only as a defence of the wheat. So the more wretched you feel, the more the wheat of my will keeps forming in you and is closer to perfect maturation. The straw in you is nothing other than your weak nature, which living together with the sanctity and nobility of my will, feels its misery more. Yes, yes. And notice Jesus is giving the example of the wheat, the wheat

3:59 and the straw and the wheat. And the wheat, it's interesting, isn't it? Because the host comes from the wheat, isn't it? That's the... the bread. And so the wheat, the straw is detached and the wheat remains. And the wheat form the host. So he is, he wants us to grow. Our host wants, he wants that host of us, that living host of us, which is himself, to grow in us every day. And it's normal. that when there is a growth in him there is that

4:45 the human will the spaces take there is a feeling a feeling of being crushed a feeling of being crushed because one has to give way to the other so when we say the cross the the shape of the cross is like this, isn't it? So the divine will crossing the human will. But if they both like this, there will be no cross. Everything will flow beautifully. But when our human will is like this, there's a problem. There's a

5:33 cross. So the cross crushes the human will. And the human will keeps getting like this until finally in heaven, it's locked. As the catechism says, in heaven, our human will is locked, locked in a position that we choose, either with God, 100%, or completely against God and had to be separated from heaven. God forbid. But as long as we live, we need... to let the divine will increase and the human will decrease. And yeah, I mean, it is painful. And the Lord give us crosses at times

6:23 for our sins, or it might be to help others. He knows. He knows exactly what each cross gives good to. He knows exactly what each cross is value. But often at times when I receive a particular cross, I felt like, oh, that's good. Of course it's painful, but I felt it's good. Yeah, because he says to Louisa, the cross helps you. Otherwise you're like a wild horse, a wild horse. The cross helps you. So I relate to that. relate to that at times I feel no it's good

7:11 I was a wild horse you know in that area in that particular area and I'm in control the area I'm no longer a slave in that area I'm free I'm free thank you for that across at the time it's painful but it's good it's good it's either for us or and of course it helps others in the divine world when we embrace it, it always helps others. But he knows exactly why he's giving that particular cross to us. He knows exactly its purpose. Okay, now we read the next one. Jesus speak about the more you feel crushed.

7:57 Father. The more crushed you feel, the more the air of the third field grows in you and is fecundated yes yes yes so so i would say rejoice rejoice if you're feeling low on that day and you're still doing your accent rounds in the divine world despite feeling low despite the pain you're experiencing despite uh the the mental anguish you're experiencing or the dryness you're experiencing, I would say rejoice. Rejoice. Because the greater is your act, the more

8:47 efficacious are your acts and prayers on that day. Isn't this what St. Therese of Lisieux said? To drive the point home? She compared two people, one who's a very famous person who goes around the world, makes peace, and the world makes a statue for that person, and another person in a household and feeling very low, and somebody for the first time comes, knock at the door, and instead of taking it out on the person, you smile. Yeah, that's, you think, to raise this, making peace in the whole world, and this, somebody knocks at the door and I just smile to them when I'm feeling low,

9:34 is the same thing? Yes, because holiness is available to everybody, no matter what's our circumstances. It's available to everyone. Nobody could say to the Lord on the last day, or in heaven, Lord, well, You didn't put me in that position. You didn't give me that job. You created me to be a man. You created me to be a woman. You created me to, you know, nobody could say that because whatever circumstances you have in life, he could make use of them to make you super, super holy. You just have to invest them, use them in your circumstances. Which is

10:24 incredible. Isn't he incredible? That no matter what's our circumstances, where we are, what race we are born in, what culture, what country, what skin color, man or a woman, he still can do it. It's incredible. And I'm talking about feeling low. John of the Cross is master at this. Master at this feeling low. He speak about the dark night of the senses, and he speak about the dark night of the spirit. Oh gosh, the dark night of the spirit.

11:09 Why he calls it dark? Not because it's evil. He calls it dark because we feel we are like we cannot see. And actually, it's dark because of the brightness of the light. You know, when you look at the sun and then you look away, you see a big black dot because of the brightness. Yeah, it's so when we feel dark, it's actually God working overtime, working extra in our souls. He's flooding us with the graces, but we don't see them. We don't see it. That's why I say, rejoice. And our Lord

11:57 said that. When they persecute you, when they say names, when they persecute you in my name, when they bully you in my name, rejoice and be glad, he says. Your reward is great in heaven. He prunes us, of course he does, yes, yes. He wants us to grow. Yeah, yes. Yes, yes, he does. So let's examine a prayer of Edith Stein. Edith Stein is one of the most beautiful Carmelite saints. She's a co-patron of Europe. Sorry, I added these last night, the prayers at the bottom, but I'll give this handout, the

12:48 prayer ones. It's on the website, but you can read it from the screen now. So Edith Stein wrote this beautiful poem. Now, Edith Stein is a philosopher. So her language is a language of philosopher. It's on the last page. So it's a poem. It's heavy going. And if you can read it from this screen for now, but the handout is on my Google Drive, this is extra prayers. Yeah. So Father Bruno, can you please read us the poem very slowly?

13:35 I will remain with you by Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, Edith Stein. This heart of the Trinity beats for us in a small tabernacle where it remains mysteriously hidden in that still white host. Okay. So, it is Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross or Edith Stein is now before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. But this beautiful saint is not just contemplating Jesus in the sacrament. She realizes that He wants her to become a living host. Okay? So she speaks about Jesus, about her communion with him, but she realizes it's there, the very purpose

14:24 of the sacrament of the Eucharist is to change us and make us living hosts. So to see the beauty of how she uses poem to describe that. Father. That is your royal throne on earth, O Lord, which visibly you have erected for us, and you are pleased when I approach it. Full of love, you sink your gaze into mine and bend your ear to my quiet words and deeply fill my heart with peace. Yet your love is not satisfied with this exchange that could still lead to separation. Your heart requires more. Do you see?

15:13 You see, Jesus, your love is not satisfied by me just coming before the blessed sacrament, exchange gazes. Okay? And what she was saying is, I sing in your gaze. She's not saying I'm just there before Jesus looking at him. She's saying he is looking at me. Have you thought of that? Because many people go before the Blessed Sacrament. I'm there to pray. I'm looking at Jesus. I'm praying to Jesus. But have you thought of, it's actually Jesus now. It's Jesus also looking at me. Have you thought of from Jesus' point of view? You know, or I am there

16:01 before you, Jesus, and this is my long list of people who need my prayers. Let's get started. I haven't got all day, Jesus. And then you go through the list. Do you go with that attitude? Yes. So I'm just joking. But it's him looking at me. Think of his point of view. He's like, my child is here. I've got my gifts, my child. Come on, let me get to work. Louisa speak about Jesus before the blessed sacrament in the hours of the Passion. When he instituted the Eucharist, she said, he is a lover and he's got these arrows. Here you go, one arrow of love. Here's the next one. Here's the next one.

16:50 And as long as you are ready to receive his arrows, he'll keep giving you. He'll keep giving you his love. So Edith Stan here is saying, is not just me looking at him, but he is looking at me. He is just thinking from his point of view. And then she said, and yet he's not satisfied. Just throwing arrows of love at me from the tabernacle is not enough for his love. He wants more. He wants more and let's read further. You come to me as early

17:38 morning's meal each daybreak. Your flesh and blood become food and drink for me and something wonderful happens. Your body mysteriously permeates mine and your soul unites with mine. I am no longer what once I was. You come and go, but the seed that you sowed for future glory remains behind, buried in this body of dust. A lustre of heaven remains in the soul, a deep glow remains in the eyes, a soaring in the tone of voice. There remains the bond that binds heart to heart, the stream of life that springs from yours and animates each limb. How wonderful are your gracious wonders!

18:27 All we can do is be amazed and stammer and fall silent because intellect and words fail. Beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful. This is the beauty of the poets. They try to express the inexpressible. So they use poetic language. They use art. They use, you know, comparisons. similes they try their best because it's so beautiful so my body your body mysteriously permeates permeates mine and your soul unites with mine i'm no longer what once i was

19:17 so every communion brings about transformation and when we receive communion in the divine will we receive communion on behalf of all, in the name of all, as if every single human in the human family has received communion at that moment. It's incredible. The effect is incredible.