0:00 I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over and the thing that really upset me is the Press ran with that they were saying oh look he's not the perfect happy go-lucky kid you think he is he's having a nervous breakdown in New York if I was having a mental breakdown that's not for you to report on they took the story in the wrong direction and they kind of painted people looking for help in the wrong light the bestselling author and host the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with j shett a lot of studies show that how we were loved or unloved between the ages of 0 to five impact the next 15 25 50 years of our life Wow and how we give love to ourselves and how we give love to others
0:45 and so I was thinking do you have a core memory or an experience with your family from childhood that kind of embodies the feeling you have about them now or that keeps you tied close to them I'd say sort of More Than A Memory is just a feeling that we I could say all of my brothers and I had was that because our dad's a comedian his job only ever existed once we had gone to bed and our mom worked from home she was a photographer so to us as kids our parents didn't really work they just were always home so we had this amazing Foundation where no matter any time of the day either mom or dad would be at the house and we felt so kind of solid as a family which is why like I kind of have this dream of one day having kids
1:31 and putting my work to bed and just kind of being there as a dad cuz I really admire how my dad was around you know being a comedian is a very very volatile job the the highs and lows are so extreme and as kids we never saw that the only version of my dad I ever saw was the happy Dad let's go to the park we used to play this game called golf goals where we would go down to the park there's like this big blue metal goal and we would just fire golf balls into that go every day and he would give us 10 P every time a ball went in the goal and that was kind of the foundation of our Golf and and all that sort of stuff so for me broader than a core memory was the idea of always feeling connected and safe within my family unit and I think a large portion of that is that my mom and
2:18 dad have always been such a solid team and they've always been there for us yeah wow have they as you've grown older have they kind of opened up about some of the challenges that they were going through that they obviously didn't show you and your family when you were kids because I can imagine we always talk about this right like being a comedian is extremely difficult because you're making everyone else laugh at the same time it's it's a career path that like you said is completely volatile sure have have they opened up as time's gone on and how has that felt when you've gone from like seeing your parents always being happy to being like Oh wait there was all this other stuff going on absolutely they have and and it's not even sometimes thing that they've told us it's just things that we've grown up to recognize as a young kid you know you're not looking to how's my mom feeling how's my dad feeling and now as an as an older person you know those are
3:04 things I care about I want to call my mom cuz I know it will brighten her day so that's all part of growing up I guess so seeing the way in which my dad's job affects him or my dad's job affects my mom is something we've all sort of come to terms with and he's amazing at it I mean to be honest I say effect it doesn't really affect anyone he's so good at handling it and which is a lot of why I feel like I am the way I am am for example the crowded rooms come out the critics absolutely hated it they thought it was the worst thing they've ever seen and it doesn't really upset me and I think a large part of my feeling towards that has come from my dad being able to do a gig the gig not going well him brushing it off his shoulder and just right onto the next one yeah well and and first of all I want to point
3:49 that out as well so I've been watching the crowded room right and me and my wife been watching it together and we are actually really enjoying it we're actually loving it because I love a show that has that's trying to like get me to figure it out and get me to think about I'm kind of confused and I love like that like I'm a massive Christopher Nolan fan all my favorite movies are Nolan movies and the reason why I love them is cuz I have no idea what's going on and that's you got to figure it out and you got to figure it out and I love puzzles and I love escape rooms and I love anything escape room yeah I love anything that's got me thinking what is going on here and why can't I figure it out mate do you know what you should watch I I admittedly watch it to go to sleep if I'm ever feeling stressed or like over stimulated I watch this guy called Chris Ramsey he's like a YouTube guy he's a magician
4:35 but I just watch him solve puzzles he like buys these Japanese like handcrafted puzzle boxes and he just solves them and I've started buying them and they come to the house and you sit down for 4 hours put it down pick it up and try and solve this puzzle and it's amazing have you are you good at them no I'm terrible at them I'm absolutely terrible I've had an unsolved Rubik's Cube since I was at 11 but I um but yeah so I watch his videos cuz there's just something about like the sound of the wood I'm a carpenter so I love like craftsmanship and that sort of stuff so I love the way that these pieces are put together so watching him solve the puzzles I find so relaxing yeah I think for so many of us you know getting bad reviews
5:22 perceptions people talking about us whatever that maybe whatever scale we live at can actually affect us and you saying that actually seeing dad letting him seeing him shrug it off and seeing him move on actually really helped him do you think that you've been able to create a bit more of a skill around that now or is it something that happens naturally for you because I'm I'm guessing that there's a lot of people who are listening and watching going Tom that's pretty amazing that you can do that at your scale and your level but you know I'm still affected by that or I really struggle when my mate says something like I know the number one thing I hear is like most people don't chase their dreams because they're scared of what their mates will say let alone what the world yeah I had this I was I was flying back last night as I was telling you so I was on a plane from DC to London last night and the air hostess she was wonderful
6:08 and then was Janette she said to me she was like Jay I really want to start a YouTube channel but you know you just got to block out what your friends are GNA say right and she was just worried about so that it's a very real thing so I guess have you kind of figured out a little formula for it or is it just natural because you saw your dad and it's become easier that way I think it's a little bit of both really you know I think it's something you definitely get better at I'm really lucky that I have an incredibly strong group of friends like one of my best mates just called me up earlier to say he'd seen the fifth episode and it's like I know what happens in the show and I'm Still Loving It the people I'm watching it with have no idea what's going on but they can't wait for the next one yeah so you know I really really hold High the opinions of people that I really care about I'm also really lucky to have an amazing group of
6:54 fans who are so supportive they are die hard they are there day one and that makes feel really good but I I do think a lot of my lessons in life have come from my dad and the ways that he can deal with things things that he hasn't done very well in the past that he's passed on to me and I sort of I live by this really I don't actually know if Christian Bale did say this but I I love Christian abely say he said it yeah but I think the quote is if you have a problem with me text me and if you don't have my number you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me that is so good and I think that that is such a great piece of advice because as a celebrity you live on this stage you live out there you kind of give out a version of
7:40 yourself that you want people to see and that can be the version of yourself that they can have a problem with or they can love and there is a you know I feel like I'm quite authentic in my public persona but I just try to really care about what my family thinks what my friends think what the people in my local Community thing I live in Kingston I know everyone that lives there I can't walk 5 feet without bumping into one of my mom's friends so yeah so it's something I've been working on I try my best to not let that stuff affect me it does yeah of course I'm not cold-hearted or anything like that it does affect me but I just try to to move on and focus on the positives yeah absolutely absolutely what what was uh did you ever see your dad deal with everything and you thought wow that was incredible like was there anything specific that you remember that
8:25 like seeing him like tackle something and you thought wow that really impressed me even if it was something really small in hindsight I think the thing I admire most about my dad is his resilience you know he's someone who has had an incredibly successful career in his earlier life and then later in life his career sort of plateaued and he struggled and he's never stopped he's never given up he's still gigging to this day he's still writing books he has a patron he has a podcast he's constantly grafting to get to where he wants to be and I think being a young kid and seeing your dad continually working as hard as he can to kind of put his best foot forward for me has been a huge drive for my work ethic I'll give it 100% or I'll give it nothing and I
9:11 think a lot of that has come from my dad and seeing him deal with that the funny thing about my dad as he talk about doing a bad gig I must have seen him 20 times I've never seen him do a bad gig he always seems to absolutely rip it um but maybe that's just cuz we're in the audience but he um but no I I I owe a lot to my dad and a lot of teachings are things he's told me and things I've just witnessed him do yeah and was there ever a piece of feedback or a rumor or something you saw that did affect you where you actually thought well or at least made you stop and go God I'm trying to see the positives but this one's tough like like this actually made me have to pause and figure it out something that did really upset me I was in New York I was shooting the crowded crowded room and I was having a really hard time
9:57 with the job just because of how taxing it was the emotional capacity that I was having to get to every day and I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over I would be on set working I'd come and sit in my chair and just scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll and it was it was becoming a problem I was just obsessed with it and I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and how people what they thought about me so I decided to make an announcement which unfortunately we have to do and say that I'm taking a break from social media and I and I try to position myself and say like I'm taking a break from social media because I feel like my mental health will benefit from it and the thing that really upset me is the Press
10:42 ran with that and they tried to make out that I was having this mental breakdown and what upset me was if I was having a mental breakdown that's not for you to report on they they they took the story in the wrong direction and they Tred they painted again this negative on Mental Health rather than saying oh he's doing it it's okay that he's doing it so we should all feel okay to do it too they were saying oh look he's not the perfect happy go-lucky kid you think he is he's having a nervous breakdown in New York and I think that that was a really unfair line of Journalism let's say because I just think it again kind of painted people looking for help in the wrong light if you know what I mean yeah yeah absolutely absolutely it almost sounds
11:28 like you were actually preemptively going I'm doing this so that I don't go in that direction totally at least I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but absolutely it's almost like I'm proactively seeing that I could end up in a position where sure I might have a breakdown I don't want to be in that position and so I'm responsibly saying guys I'm taking a break in order to protect myself 100% yeah which makes a lot of sense and actually is quite admirable again totally and that's kind of what the message of the show is about like the the message of our show is that asking for help should be something that we celebrate if you're struggling if you need help if you feel bad and you wake up and and you go to a friend a therapist a teacher an employee or a colleague and say I'm really struggling I need some help that should be something that we give you a pat on the
12:14 back like I would love to help you that I'm I'm delighted that you asked me and that for me that announcement was kind of my Olive Branch and the Press ran with it how they ran with it but to be fair it kind of gave me a great drive to finish the crowded room in the way that we did to like if you're not going to listen to my personal message then you have to listen to the message of my show yeah so it kind of went hand in hand yeah yeah absolutely you you've reminded me actually when when you said that because I think we naturally today think of therapists or or doctors but you you mentioned teacher there and I was thinking when I was going through a really rough time at school once I remember my walk to school from the bus stop I'd see a teacher every day that was really close with that school but you never talk to teachers walk School
13:02 crazy but I was so lonely at the time that I remember like almost thinking like well he's the only person I can talk to because of other stuff that I was going through at school and I remember I started talking to him on the way to school his name is Mr bucker he knows I go on about him everywhere and he avoids it because everyone's always like oh Jay's been talking about you J been talking about you and but it was it was that exact feeling where it was like he was someone that I felt I could open to that open up to at that point in my life without feeling judged without feeling like he was going to see me through another lens and just having that space to be seen for as a human who is going through stufft by a teacher was a huge huge win and so you know it's you are right that that help can come in all different forms and it does it doesn't have to come in the ways that we expected to come in yeah it doesn't have to be a professional yeah I go to my
13:48 friends a lot and and you know some friends are better than others in certain situations I got some friends that are very much like pull your socks up and get on with it and then other friends who are like come here and have a cry on my shoulder but like it it varies so I just really hope that that's what the show can do is is sort of paint this positive picture of asking for help is something to be proud of well that's a great message and and I think we we all need to hear it and I want to go back a little bit because there's a lot of interviews that you've done and and I've watched a lot of stuff over the time but like we're talking about a lot of it sound bites because it's quick and short and like these entertainment you know interviews and that's why I was really grateful that you took out the time to do this but you were diagnosed as far as I read with dyslexia age seven yes and I was wondering how you know a lot of our community and our audience is diagnosed as well or some of them are
14:34 not but they're finding out later on in life how did that affect you or how were you set up for success with that from because as an actor you've got to learn lines you got to read lines there's a lot of activities that people would assume are quite challenging sure but you found a way and and walk us through that a little bit I don't know I had my mom has always been really Hands-On with our education MH she you know really wanted us to just do our best our dad always said like look I don't don't care what grades you get as long as you try your best you try your best and that's all that we can ask for but yeah my dyslexia it's really just my spelling I mean honestly it's just that yeah you know like those sort of games that you play at Christmas have you ever played um the one you have to write down the answers that it's it's such a good game is it boulder dash I don't know boulder dash is it uh it's basically a game
15:20 where someone will read out a scenario or um ask a question and then you have to answer the question to the best of your ability but you can also Bluff and lie oh I've never played this game and if you write somewhat a believing answer and people vote for your answer you win oh cool okay I've never played it which is great but when I play it everyone's like what does that say that is definitely not spelled right um but yeah so my spelling was really the biggest hurdle um I worked really hard at school I didn't do particularly well but again my parents said as long as you try your best then that's all we can ask for yeah and acting you started early too age nine right like that was something that you started P pursuing really early on in life and I feel was that something that you were always sure about there's that there's that famous viral Tik Tok
16:06 that always goes around of you you know I can't I don't know how old you were being asked you know what superhero would you play when you're older you say oh maybe Spider-Man right and it's like and and I wonder like how much of your acting career do you feel like you've manifested or there was a vision or a focus or is it more just like this was naturally what you were into and it and it grew where where did that come from I do believe in manifesting actually I really do I think what's interesting about my career is this was never something I wanted I just was a young kid I love dancing my mom would take me to a dance class every Saturday and I got spotted through that dance class to to audition for a show on the West End I ended up doing the show I loved it Billy Elliott it was the time of my life I you know it was such a cool experience I'm
16:53 just by complete fluke an agent came to see the show the night that I was on she signed me she sent me to an audition for a film I was lucky enough to get the part all of a sudden I was on set with you McGregor and Naomi Watts and we made the impossible and to be perfectly honest with you it was it was just a hobby it was something that my mom would let me do on the summer holidays she was very keen that I kept my schooling up and there sort of came that time in England where you in between gcc's and a levels and you're trying to figure out when I was going through that you could still drop out at a levels obviously now you have to do a levels and I had that moment where I was like what do I want to do I could try and stay at school and figure out what I want to do or this thing that's been a hobby but my sort of summer holiday
17:40 activity which is acting I could try and do that for a living and I've been so lucky that I've been you know offered jobs and all that sort of stuff I decided to go with it I I I joined the Brit school because you know my mom was Keen that I didn't go for school for an education but went to school to expand my social skills and meet kids my own age all my friends when I was 15 were like 30y old people cuz they're all adults from the business um so I think my mom was Keen that I had some friends that are my age who are now my best friends today so I never really wanted this I just sort of never stopped doing it and I love it I absolutely love it I love the creativity I love the building blocks that are required to put a film together I love the collaboration on set between people from all different walks
18:26 of life you know a film set is a Melting Pot of all sort of different people um so I love it I absolutely love it yeah wow and and I I read something that you said you were bullied for like doing ballet yeah ear which obviously got you into the playing the role of Billy ell because it's ballet and tap right it's both so was was that was that tough at the time or like were you trying to hide it and then you end up on you know you end up at the West End and you're on the main stage and everyone's seeing it or was it kind of easy to navigate and how did that go down because I feel like as a kid doing ballet and tap must have been a little challenging yeah I mean it was it wasn't easy but it also wasn't tough you know I went to a rugby school so you can imagine like the one kid in the school that does ballet there's going to be comments here and there it
19:12 wasn't the easiest thing in the world there were kids that didn't understand why I was doing it or what I was doing it for no matter how many times I explained like I'm the only guy in a class of 30 girls in tights I was like guys this is what you want to be doing like rugby is not it but I N it was tough but again like goes back to what we were saying about resilience and and keeping your head down and crowded room was the hardest job I've ever had for all sorts of different reasons and there was a point in time where we were talking about do we shut this down and walk away from it because of how challenging it was and you know I dug my heels in I put my head down I was like no I'm going to finish this I'm going to see it through and I think you know you learn from past experiences like that so I really am proud of the way we everyone handled the crowded room and I think that stems from my childhood my dad
19:58 experiences and all that sort of stuff yeah well so I've got a confession as well to mate go on so I went to rugby school as well okay and did you I played yeah I played for my a team and I was I was pretty good pretty good I was pretty good okay what position did you play Blindside flanker okay wow so I was I was really into rugby because I went to rugby school and I loved football but my school didn't play football and so I was like no I've got to be on the school's main team so worked really hard to get on the team but after we play rugby on a Saturday my mom forced me to go to dance class and part of it was ballet and tap as well although I did not end up at the West End and play Billy Elliot because I don't think Billy Elliott was brown so that that wasn't going to happen so it wasn't the same path as you but but I also had that experience so that's why I had to ask you about did
20:44 you enjoy it I really enjoyed it for the community aspect of it like I love all the lads that I was there with and they were just they were just a great laugh and it was really interesting because we'd go from I'd literally go from playing rugby straight to class on a Saturday and I'd go in there with all my bruises exhausted just and it's almost like the rug pitch was moreful everyone you know try to be intense and trying to be this and that whereas everyone just having a laugh at the dance class and we do everything from hip-hop to Street to whatever but yeah I remember never telling I think this the first time I've ever spoken about out there I'm in a safe space with you so but it's interesting because Rugby's regimented isn't it yeah I love by you play you play a position that is as specific as saying the blid side flanker you when you're a dancer you're just a dancer you know you you can fit
21:32 in however you want to fit in the teacher can ask you how are you feeling about that rather than like you need to get your head down to the left to make a proper tackle I did love playing rugby when I was smaller yeah when all the well not when I was smaller when all the kids were smaller and then there was that time where I came back to school after Billy Elliott and everyone had just become a man and I was still very much a child I remember we played this school called Trinity College and it was my first game back and I was playing scrum I came on the second half and it was a violent game it was not it was not a gentleman's game of rugby and I was standing they were kicking to us we were receiving and I remember thinking as long as the ball doesn't come to me off of the kick I'll be fine I need the game to get going and then I'll be fine I'm scrum half relatively safe position I'm a good playmaker as soon as he kicked
22:19 the ball it's coming straight towards me I I'm trying to catch it I can hear the boots running towards me I fumble it knock on the game goes on I start playing play well I assisted a try and then I don't remember what happened or how it happened but there was a a really tough kid on our team who will remain nameless I haven't spoken to him since I don't know what he's doing but he got into a fight with some kid on the opposing team and it was really quite ugly and then the kid's dad came on the pitch to tell off this boy that was on my team and the kid on my team knocked out his dad no like proper like it's the first time I've ever seen someone hit someone and I couldn't believe that a kid who was how old are you yeah he must have been 16 at the time he's one of
23:04 those 16 year olds that would look older than I do now when he was 16 and I just remember hearing the noise he like cracked this Dad on the jaw Hit the Floor then this whole big fight broke out I'm not a fighter I stepped away and was sort of like what's going on yeah it was wild and that was the last game of rugby I ever played it was against Trinity College oh my gosh yeah it was really intense wow that that is intense yeah that's how intense it got my last game was similar but not not watching a fight so someone ran I had it was a big game and it I was playing really well that season and everything was going really well and someone ran into a rock but with their elbow which is obviously ilal totally they ran in and they elbowed me right there like right Bel it's on this side and right
23:50 below there and the next thing I know I get up and I'm like kind of feeling a bit aggressive are you cut as well well I didn't notice and then Blood starts to drip and I was like that's when you freak out cuz oh God I'm I'm like I can and there's a lot of blood just dripping so I get subbed off and the nurse on the side just puts a bit of glue there like to stick it together and at the mo at that time you don't really notice in you think you're all right and then literally an hour later it's just getting thicker and thicker and thicker and I'm ending up with this run to the hospital on the way home because my coach was just like suck it up it's fine you'll be fine run there they're like if you were any later you would have had nerve damage and like personally potentially eyesight whatever it was and they had to like glue it and a little bit of stitches or whatever it was and I for the for the rest of the month I walked around with my like you know eye
24:37 literally hanging over and I looked like I'd got into like the worst fight like I walked into a store and everyone would kind of back off and stuff and it was just really uncomfortable that was my last game of rugby that's why I just remembered that but yeah it was it was it was it was intense but it was great like you said it was great regimented discipline training I love training with my mates I love playing I loved as a young man as well like having a outlet to release the energy that I had I was good in in obviously in a way that wasn't trying to hurt others but that's what's so great about boxing yeah it's like boxing is such a great release you know you see these young kids like young kids who are angry who need to let something go like go and punch a bag for an hour but that will make you that will calm you down I love how boxing is such a great thing for young for young people to to release that sort of ENT are you
25:22 boxing do you box I love boxing it's been a few years since I've I've done any sort of training I used to go to this great gym in um in New York called Church Street boxing just love it there had a great Pro you could sort of spar with him because you know that he wouldn't batter you because he could control himself I went to one sparring session just a general session and I got absolutely batter yeah it was tough but I love it I love the sport I'm a little bit sad as to like how the sport is being run right now right um but I do love the sport and I admire the athletes I think they're amazing what's your take on YouTubers boxing and all that kind of stuff and because it's obviously bringing a lot of attention to the sport to be perfectly honest with you I don't really mind it I think it's quite fun I think if you're doing it for the right reasons you know there's a great opportunity to raise
26:08 some money for amazing Charities and I think a few of them have done a lot for charity um I think it's really great I think yeah you know my brother Paddy would never have been watching boxing and now he loves it because of his favorite Youtubers of boxing so if it's good for the sport it's good for the sport I I sort of don't really mind I think it's funny to be honest yeah cuz sit at home watching it you're like I could do that I could get in there and do that you're like well why don't you and you're like well I don't really want to do that so we might see you in Creed Ford then yeah we'll do the we'll do the acting boxing I'd love to do a boxing movie yeah I think it would be cool to do a boxing movie but where the fighting is real walk me through that I wouldn't necessarily be in that film right but I do think that you could make a really interesting film where the outcome of
26:54 the film is determined on the outcome of the real fight has anything like that ever been done like racing or any can you I'm just trying to not that I know of yeah not that I know of that's what I'm trying to think it could be really cool yeah wow but yeah I love I love boxing movies I'm a sucker for it yeah yeah which one's which which one's your favorite I think Rocky 2 is probably my favorite I remember when we were in Billy Elliott we had this room called the Billy room and there was always a billy backstage while the show was going on because the show was so labor intensive it was very dangerous there's lots of moving Parts there's lots of acrobatics it wasn't too uncommon for a billy to get injured and then there would be someone upstairs who would replace that Billy and we would just hang out upstairs and there was an Xbox and a television and all that sort of stuff and one of the DVDs that we had the two DVDs we had was step up to the
27:41 streets my favorite film of all time and Rocky too and I've must have seen that film 40 times I love how many times did you practice the dance in the mirror oh man I've got the whole dance down righto can we see it no yeah no I love that film I absolutely love that film yeah i' say I say my favorite so Rocky was my favorite cuz I'd watch it with my dad and Rocky I I struggled between Rocky 3 and Rocky four cuz I loved Mr T and three that's three and I loved Ivan Drago as well which was four and they were both just such great movies yeah yeah yeah he was just yeah it's such great entertainment even though it's nothing like real boxing yeah nothing at all nothing like real boxing but then I remember watching real boxing when I was growing up it was Prince Nim oh man yeah yeah my dad was a big fan of his so I'd
28:26 remember watching him a lot love his style there's a video of him working with the I guess he's just it's like a swinging bag and he is so effortless because canelo's got a great head movement but but he looks like he's thinking about it yeah whereas nazim is just living the dream just he's so fluid and I love the way he used to move yeah and I love how he would enter the ring me I would over rotate and slam on my face or something yeah he was brilliant yeah he was like wrestling meets boxing he must have been a nightmare to fight it must have been like he's beating me and he's embarrassing me this is really tough terrible what do you think of lenko did you see his last fight I haven't no I didn't see it I didn't see it that's an interesting one go and tell me I I didn't see it at all well I think the general consensus is
29:11 that he won oh but it was given the other way right he is my favorite boxer because of his history his background in dance he was like I guess a really talented boxer and then I guess I don't know if this is true but his dad sent him to go and study dance for sort of five years or something like that for his boxing for his boxing which is why his footwork is like on another planet there's loads of examples of where he's fighting people and they look up and he's just gone he's behind them so I I really admire him but his most recent fight he lost how did it go against him was it a vote it was a vote right right they went against him so I wonder whether they'll fight again yeah I guess they'll have to if there's it seems like this isn't a conspiracy theory that's the problem with boxing though like will they fight again you know because it's
29:57 it's a tricky it's a tricky business unlike the UFC where you know if they want to fight they'll fight that's what I love about it I took my brother and my cousin to the UFC the other night and that is such a Savage sport it is that is yeah it's terrifying I really don't want that to be a movie in a real one seen the warrior my m movie so good the warrior is one of the most underrated movies it's so good yeah it's a little ridiculous the idea that they have like six fights a night getting ready for one final but I do love that film yeah yeah yeah it's a really good it's a really good movie oh well okay all right so we know there's a boxing movie coming somewhere down L got be one down the line there's got to be one down the line absolutely yeah and we want to see you work your way up and uh fig you I mean we might see you like you know
30:42 actually go do it for real sounds imagine for charity maybe one of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago yes and you said it was the hardest thing you ever did yes and I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you why was it so hard it's interesting I I didn't one day wake up and say I'm giving up drinking I just like many bricks had had a very very boozy December Christmas time I was on vacation I was drinking a lot and I've always been able to drink a lot I think I get my jeans from my mom's side in that thing that I can I can drink and I decided to just give up for January I just wanted to do dry January and all I could think about was having a drink it's all I could think about about I was
31:29 waking up thinking about it I was checking the clock when's it 12: and it just really scared me I just was like wow maybe maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing so I sort of decided to punish myself and say I'll do February as well I'll do two months off if I can do two months off then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem two months go by and I was still really struggling I felt like I couldn't be social I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda I couldn't go out for dinner I was really really struggling and I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem um so I decided that I would wait until my birthday which is June 1st I said to myself if I can do six months without alcohol then I can prove to myself that I don't have a
32:15 problem and by the time I had got to June 1st I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life I could sleep better I could handle problems better things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off I could take in my stride I had so much such better mental Clarity I felt healthier I felt fitter and I just sort of said to myself like why why am I enslaved to this drink why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink and I would look back and recognize that I would go to events for for work and I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers and I just felt so much pressure and this is one of the things why I've sort of dist myself from the rugby community cuzz so much of it is about
33:01 how much can you drink let's get you as drunk as possible and it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done I'm a year and a half into it now it doesn't even cross my mind I found amazing Replacements that I think are fantastic ones that are also really healthy I found this one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's you know the carbo hydrates in it a longlasting energy so like having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like oh go on just have a beer like you're fine they've always sort of really supported me and I don't want to be that person that's saying to people you should get sober you should get sober if I could encourage someone to drink less then that's great but I I don't want to start getting into the world of you need to
33:47 stop drinking because I just it's it's not for me to say I went on my own little journey I'm really enjoying it I'm delighted that my mom's has also given up she's loving it and it's been amazing I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking I feel amazing that's amazing man I love hearing that and I love hearing that it's been great for you right I think that's that's the point not everything has to be like look what I did you can do it too it's kind of like no this is just what's been great for me do you think it was partly that attitude for you at least in the beginning where it's like well look I can drink I drink a lot it comes from my mom jeans and it doesn't affect me and then all of a sudden you realize well wait a minute it's more than that because I think there is that like I was like that as a young man as well like for me it was it was easy to drink I I didn't drink daily for me I drank a lot more socially and I love playing drinking games with my mates that was really what I enjoyed the
34:33 most probably and for me when I quit I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk so for me for me it was more that but yeah I wonder for you did you find that it's there's a really fine line between like I know I can drink a lot and then all of a sudden you're kind of addict not addicted beyond that no addicted M I'm happy to say like I was definitely addicted to alcohol not shy away from that at all I think anyone that wakes up and has a not wakes up anyone that has a beer every day is probably got a little bit of a problem but yeah you're right I I would drink and drink and drink and drink and then you would just reach that moment where you're like wow I shouldn't have had that last beer and you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering I I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep yeah Aura ring yeah and it was amazing cuz I couldn't sleep I was like
35:19 why can't I sleep I'm working 14 hours a day I'm doing two hours in the gym I'm eating really healthily and I can't sleep what's wrong with me I bought this ring and it was booze it just it was completely affecting my sleep and since I've given it up I can sleep anywhere you know it's also interesting as well going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start you know spitting in your ear and everyone's I love you man I love you so much and you're like yeah brilliant I love you too I'll see you tomorrow I'm going to bed I love being that person now I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8:00 a.m. in the morning feeling fresh and ready to go and sort of crawling out their car and so yeah so I I I'm over the moon to be sober I love it yeah for anyone who is
36:05 listening right now is going Tom I love that for you I want to do it too like they're listening going I'm having too much every day I can notice some of those things but I'm just stuck and it's hard because we know that addiction's that way we know that this is heavy it's not easy but if someone is watching going Tom tell me like what what did you do to even get started how did you have that courage to say I'm going to do January I'm going to stick at it were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again like just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going Tom mate I I want to be in your position in like six months I didn't fall back on it I have done in the past like I've had periods of my life where I'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking um but this time I don't know it was just different
36:51 I really worked to sort of change my mindset I really asked myself like why do you drink why are you drinking and a lot of the time my answer would be to feel more comfortable in the social environment yeah and I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there I'd force myself to hang out and and go to a club or go to a bar go to a dinner yeah we weren't avoiding those places I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it but then after a while I sort of was like mate youve got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time you've got to go out and enjoy yourself and and if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drink drinking then you really do have a problem but I just changed my mindset I just I found really good replacements things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer I
37:37 often found with me most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it whether it's sparkling water or a beer I now can't I don't associate like I don't see a difference yeah but I think it's different for everyone I had a great support system Jack is one of my best mates and we travel all over the world he doesn't drink and do with him was was a really helpful experience for me my brother is always on the road with me he was very supportive and yeah I just really set my mind to it I was I really want to do this I want to prove to myself I can do it yeah and then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self like oh my God this is this is the best but do you not drink I haven't drank for 17 years no way congratulations that's aming I feel amazing yeah it it's
38:23 incredible wow it's like one of the best feelings in the world and it's my my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like how am I going to hang out with my mates biggest worry I was like my mates knew me as the guy who was like first to the game L to get out like that was me you know the clown when I got drunk like life of the party kind of like that kind of guy and then all of a sudden I I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore I was like crap am I going to fit in and then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink and I was like God am I going to miss out on like opportunities and networking like you know all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks and I'm like I'll come but I'll have a water or have a soda whatever it is and what was really interesting for me is not relying on Drinking Made Me rely on qualities and skills I had sure
39:08 that were actually better so now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden awayed yeah suppressed and all of a sudden you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were rather than the person who you were when you were drunk sure and and actually that worked in the work place and there was no one at the workplace going oh Jay doesn't drink so he's not getting promoted it wasn't like that people were like oh yeah I really like hanging out with Jay or's he's a really good guy or whatever it may be and I was still getting the same opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was and I think that's why I'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer even for you like you've I'm sure as a you know with your career path you have to be at parties you have to be at events and the fact that you're able to do that now without having
39:55 alcohol and you it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career if anything it's the opposite mate I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I really admired or sat down with a producer or director and being like Oh you know well I don't drink anymore and they go I don't drink 10 years and you're like oh my God and I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story their reason for giving up and there is a wonderful community of people and I love it I love being a part of that Community I'm really proud to be a part of it I hope that you know I can meet other people and chat to them about it because it's really nice it's lovely to be like let's go get a lime soda together you know yeah let's get a juice let's get a smoothie yeah yeah no it is true it's true and it's really interesting because they I can't remember I'm trying to remember there
40:41 was this blog that came out years ago I can't even remember it now and there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention and one day she just disappeared like she stopped posting and everyone was just like all the comments were like where are you what happened are you okay like what happened to you you know everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her they were following her and all the rest of it and what they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted she was drinking and it was a made up it was almost like original AI that was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you can think you're really close to them and you you can think their lifestyle looks amazing but actually they've got a drink in every
41:27 picture they post and you didn't realize they had an alcohol problem so there was no real person who died but the point was that this your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures but are you aware and are you conscious of how much it affects you and I can't can't remember who built that page well I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now if alcohol wasn't a thing and you I've invented this drink that is going to make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're going to just sell it to the masses people be like now mate keep your funky juice like we don't want that that sounds terrible and it's one of those things because it is so socially acceptable the the addiction side of it the bad sides of it really do fly under the radar yeah and that's
42:12 really interesting I'll tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker I love being the designated driver I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home I don't know I just I like being a Dependable person I I think I'm quite dependable and I really like that that um thing and I saw this crazy YouTube video once this was years ago of a guy that went to a bar he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car and I don't know if this is real it could have been fake but it's really impactful basically what his friend had done was set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years and his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old make up on to make him look older and
42:59 now I'm thinking about it there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off but he basically is saying to him like you've been asleep for 10 years everyone's missed you like we can't believe you're awake this is amazing and it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life so I do love being the designated driver that is something I enjoy seeing my friends have a good time and being like don't worry Tom will take you home yeah I I I used to love been the designated driver until I realized that next go girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't do that wasn't a fun designated driver job but I've always been that guy since because so I I lived as a monk for three years yeah amazing and uh when I came back after that obviously I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything and so but I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone would
43:45 always open up to me and give me advice but it's what you're saying when someone was drunk they' tell me their whole life story yeah next day they'd wake up and go Jay you'd actually remember what I said I'm I remember everything they're like please don't tell anyone like you know I love I love that part where I was like I was able to be there for people totally just hear their stories 100 and someone that had context the next day cuz if they told someone else who was drunk you'd both not remember and then it'd be gone no I I think the benefits that You' just pointed out of good sleep good health great mental Clarity they're huge but there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening just as takeaways because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well but one of the things you mentioned was Finding Alternatives and during my monk life we always talked about how there was there something that we called the higher taste and it was saying you can never give up a lower taste unless you
44:31 had a higher taste and so there has to be a switch there has to be a repl to be a replac the fact that you found alternatives I think that's half the battle because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives and then you're just trying to fill it yeah and then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement so that was beautiful and the second thing you said which I loved which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people someone who's one year ahead of you someone who's 10 years ahead someone who's 20 years ahead who's gone through that process and they're open and honest and vulnerable about you know what I did have a weak moment or you know what this was really tough for me and I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference so if anyone's struggling I hope that those two things can kind of you know give you the support you need and again it goes back to the message of of the show is that like you should ask for
45:17 help and you should feel empowered to do so yeah but tell me about your monk life like that must have been amazing it was I've always been so tempted to go away and do one of those retreats where you know you go to somewhere like India and you go to those places where you don't speak for a month or something like that like that must have just been the most enlightening experience mate now that you've said that when when you want to go I'm going to take you please absolutely love to go I met a guy I was on holiday earlier this year and he had just got back from a retreat he did two weeks where he didn't make a sound MH and was just explaining to me how eye opening it was yeah yeah no I I mean to me it was one of the best experiences in my life because even the stuff that I did then I was 22 years old when I did it even the stuff that I did then I
46:03 don't even know if I'd be able to do it anymore now but there was such a like energy you had as a 22y old where just open to any experience and wanting to try it all out aming and I think for me it was because and it comes back to the people that have done things when I was 18 was when I first met a monk I I never really knew what monks did or or any of their practices but I met a monk who I write about in my book who just blew my mind because he was the first person I met that I felt was at ease with himself and when I was 18 I'd met people who were like rich and famous and you know beautiful and powerful and all this type of stuff but I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy and content with themselves not happy like oh I'm so happy life's amazing I mean more like happy with who they who they
46:49 were totally and for some reason at 18 that kind of like was an arrow straight to my heart where I was like that's that's real I want that and it just it's so hard to explain because everyone's like well how did you know that at 18 I was like I don't know it must have been how powerful he was it's kind of like it's kind of like you wake up when when the sun's out and the lights out and you just wake up because you feel that energy and I felt it through him and then I I went to University and I'd talk to him and I'd meet him in the Summers and Christmases but I just decided I was like I want to do this because I'd met someone who I felt had emotional and mental Mastery in a way that I'd never seen before wow and so when I went out there and whether it was the meditation training or whether it was the Simplicity training of the lifestyle or whether it was the the the teachings and
47:37 the values that you had to live by I just got so I got so much from it that I honestly believe that anything that I'm good at doing today is because of what I learned during that time and so anything I'm good at today is because of that do you think that you found what he had yeah I believe so and I would say that well has he's yeah and I still see him every yearing and he still has it yeah it's like Swag like it doesn't go away he still has it and yeah definitely definitely I got a glimpse into it obviously he's been doing it for you know nearly 30 years and I only did it for three but you still get to a glimpse of it and you get an experience of it so you know that it exists and I think that's half the battle too like even with your sobriety it's like you just need to know it exists totally and then you're like wow there's this other side
48:23 100% And even though it's a challenge and even though I'm still trying to be more mindful every day and I'm still working on myself because it's of course it's an endless ongoing thing yeah I know I know and I take a lot of friends and and people I know on Retreats there because just a couple of years ago I took uh someone that I love to one of the caves in rishikes so one of the things I love about caves is that they're equally dark and Silent yeah so it's almost like the first time like we could be silent in this room and it would be silent but the Silence of a cave is just different different level and so when you go in there you can't see anything either so you can't even see yourself so you're so deep into the cave that there's no light from the mouth of the cave anymore there's no light from the M mouth of the cave I don't know about that that really stress me out no you hold hands no you don't hold
49:10 hands but it's it's just it's one of those experiences that you actually get to experience real Stillness and real silence and real real disconnection sure from everything around you and then you can actually listen to yourself yeah it's interesting I would love to do something like that something that I find myself doing a lot is if I see a beautiful landscape or something I will try and see if I can find an angle of it where there's nothing manmade in the view cuz you know what it's like like you see a beautiful Hill or something and there's a telephone pole in the middle of it or a lamp post or something so doing something like that where there is nothing but just mother nature and
49:56 the vience and being with yourself I'm obsessed with nature it's like one of my biggest passions I'm absolutely like this new our planet show has just come out one sitting I've done the whole thing um so I would love to do something like that so next time you go in let me know with you we'll figure it out no where's where's a place I love nature too I just took my me and my wife just went to Barley oh I love barley yeah and it was unbelievable we went white water rafting and it almost felt like Jurassic Park I was just waiting for a dinosaur head to pop out and it was just beautiful it was so Lush it was natural waterfalls everywhere and another place that I've Loved naturewise India of course we mentioned but Iceland to go got to go to Iceland a few years ago and my friend was filming a a documentary out there and so I got to experience it
50:41 with the documentary Travelers and we went to a real Glacier and we went toing you know and and it was incredible to just it was the first time I felt like I'd landed on another planet yeah yeah yeah it just I literally I was like this looks like nothing I've ever seen before in my life like I'm on another like I I could have I could have gone into outer space and landed on another there's a reason why every single space film Iceland is the first on the list for locations oh is that I know that I'm think Interstellar probably shot went to the GL they saw right so I'm sure all of those films you know because you could do you could do Mars you could do Venus all in you know in Iceland I would love to go I don't know we were thinking about doing some climbing and I'm not sure about how I feel about glaciers and
51:28 walking across them and just falling and never being found yeah we we walked across them and obviously there were teams there but and then they had an expert and they went down into the glacier like they went into one like and it was and it was really scary because while we were walking on the glacier we've got the I forgot what those little boots are called the ones with the kind of like the little prongs yeah yeah I forgot what they're called but anyway we had those on and uh crons crampons crampons crampons okay crampons thank you for that Jack and so we're wearing these crampons and and literally it was like three steps further and you you would have fallen and you don't see it and you would never be found never you would never be found you would never know and it would be like that movie What's it 126 hours that guy had to sore off his own arm 126 hours mate in 10 minutes the ice would just yeah know I
52:13 that that's a bit too far for me well if you went with a group of you know experts and all the rest of it I think yeah but you've seen the documentary sometimes the experts go out and it's a one it's a oneway story they don't ever come back you know yeah yeah yeah no you got you got to be careful I agree I agree I'll show you some videos later though because it was pretty it was pretty spectacular it was really amazing no I I love I love that with your journey with Sab and and again the other thing we were talking about this earlier going back to it was you decided to take a break from acting yeah because you were doing this role it was really tough and challenging and and you like you need some time and again you were saying that that was misconstrued and I just before we dive into why you needed to take a break and and what was challenging about it I just wanted to just if you wanted to give context to
52:59 that and you don't have to but if you wanted to to clarify what you meant and what was going on there it's only a break from acting because I'm an actor yeah it's not like the acting itself I just have been so lucky that in my life I've been working so much I just wanted to take a break I just wanted to be in one place for a while I wanted to be with my friends be with my family move into my house so it wasn't necessarily oh my God I need to have a break from acting cuz it's too much I just needed to have a break from traveling and and working and and also I've done so much of my growing up on the road I needed to do a lot of growing up at home paying my water bill paying my council tax and sorting out my bins and all that sort of stuff that they don't teach you at school which I think
53:44 there should be a lesson I think there should be a lesson at school that's called life which is like laundry basic cooking like I didn't realize you have to pay for your water I just thought that was a luxury of living in England the water comes out the sky and then it comes out your TAP I was so behind on my Waterville I didn't realize I'm up to date now don't worry so yeah I just wanted to take this break and it's a shame again talking about the press and how they can spin things it's a shame that this year off has come after this incredibly hard job and that they kind of ran with this idea that yes the show did break me and yes it was difficult
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