0:00 If there's one thing I've learned over the last decade of teaching communication skills to millions of people around the world, it's that the most powerful communicators in the world aren't always the loudest. They're often the quiet ones, the ones that don't say much, but when they do, you lean in. I'm not going to do the rest of the video like that. That'd just be weird. If you've ever been told that you need to speak up more and you feel like being shy and being quiet makes you weak, I'm here to prove to you why it can actually be your biggest advantage. When I was invited to speak on Diary of a CEO, the podcast, Steven shared with me a powerful example of why the quiet people in the room often have more impact than those who speak all the time. He calls it the contribution score. >> We all have a contribution score. He
0:46 would start speaking and you'd see he hadn't actually thought through what he was going to say and he'd go, "What about um if we" And then there was this other guy called Paul. Never really said anything. The minute he said anything, instant silence. Everyone stares over at this guy because when he contributed, we all knew that he had something valuable to add. So, in this video, I'm going to share with you five unexpected reasons why being strategically quiet in certain situations can become your competitive advantage. Number one, people reveal themselves around you. Here's the coolest thing about being quiet. People tell you everything. It's wild. You just sit there, nod a little, and suddenly they're confessing their whole life story, their work drama, the thing they probably shouldn't have said that they said anyway, and you're thinking, "Wow,
1:32 I literally didn't even say anything." It's because silence makes people feel uncomfortable. Most of us hate empty space. We rush to fill it. So when you don't, they fill it. And what they fill it with is truth. You start hearing what they really think, not just what they want you to think. And that's gold. Because the more someone reveals, the more you understand how to connect with them. It's what makes great communicators great. They don't dominate, they draw out. Let me show you what most people do during conversations. >> Bro, I just got a new watch. Check out this leather strap. Pretty cool, >> dude. Let me show you mine. This is real leather. This is better than that because that's just >> Oh, cool, man. Good for you.
2:19 >> Yeah, we all have that one friend who does that, right? In my friendship group, we've got one of those, too. It's so annoying. His name is me. Sorry. No, no, it's not. It's not me. It's actually pronounced me, which is Vietnamese for me, myself, and I. In other words, the person who's talking right now. Let me show you what you should be doing instead. Here's the practical tip. Next time you're in a conversation, don't respond right away. Count to three. Just look interested as you're listening. >> Bro, I just got a new watch. >> 1 2 3. >> No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't count out loud. Sorry, I forgot that piece of introduction there. Count in your head. >> I just got a new watch. Check out this leather strap. Pretty cool, huh?
3:05 You know what, Vin? This watch means so much to me. My grandfather gave it to me before he passed away. He actually engraved something really beautiful here. Check it out. >> Oh, Kent, that's Dude, that's beautiful, man. What What What did he write on the back? It's You're not my grandson. A Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did my team just use an imaginary watch in that skit? Yes, they did. Because I don't allow my team to wear watches, so they can't keep track of time. So that way they can work 14 hours a day and not know it. Sucks to be them. But did you notice in that example though how the other person filled the silence that you created and then that way they filled it with something deep and personal. Most people
3:51 don't do this. Most people just keep talking and then they talk just when the good stuff's about to arrive. The depth, the connection. Can you see how silence is the ultimate truth serum that can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations? Number two, build authority without trying. Have you ever noticed how the person who speaks the least in the meeting usually has the most respect? Everyone else is busy performing, arms flailing, PowerPoint clicking, synergy this and alignment that, and the quiet one just sits there observing, looking like a mix between Buddha and Batman. And then when they finally speak, the whole room just stops because their silence earned them that moment. They don't compete for attention. They command it. And here's
4:36 the irony. When you stop trying to be impressive, that's when you become impressive. Don't get this mixed up with those who never speak, okay? They just end up being invisible. Be the one who speaks less, but when you do, everyone listens. There's a big difference. Try this the next time you're in a group discussion. Wait until at least three people have spoken. Then deliver one clean, clear, concise insight. No fluff, no filler, just boom. Guys, we need to schedule time to do the thing. >> And we should make a list of why we should do the thing. >> Guys, guys, let's write a banger tweet on Vin's account about us doing the thing. And we can read some essays about
5:22 doing the thing. >> Yeah, because if we do that, then that will make the thing more enjoyable. >> Guys, hear me out. The only thing that's doing the thing is doing the thing. So why don't we just do the thing? >> Oh man, that's so true. >> Wait, what's the thing we're doing? >> H I wonder what that means. That's beside the point. Let's stay focused here. If you're thinking right now as you're sitting there, all right then, but how do I actually do that? How do I speak in a way that's more concise? How do I know exactly what to say? How do I sound clear and confident when it's my turn to talk? I got you. I recorded a
6:08 free 2-hour training where I'll walk you through three communication frameworks that's going to help you structure your thoughts more clearly, answer questions while under pressure, and communicate like a pro. Even when your brain is doing back flips and you're freaking out, you'll still be able to grab the thought, grab the idea, and clearly articulate it. If you want access to the free training, just click the link in the description. And after you've been through it, you'll look like the Yoda of the meeting. Wise, grounded, and you probably have a lightsaber in your bag. And way better looking and less wrinkly. Number three, that's what others miss. You will. I've always wanted to do that. When you don't talk much, your senses go full Sherlock Holmes. You start picking up on everything. The slight eye twitch when
6:54 someone disagrees. The slight micro smile when someone's proud and pretending they're not. The energy shift when someone walks in. This is what happens when you don't spend all your cognitive capacity on speaking and you actually pay attention. Because communication isn't about what you say. It's about what you sense, hear, feel, and see. And when you do this, not only can you read between the lines, you can also hear what's not being said. In your next conversation, don't focus on what people say. Focus on how they say it. I want you to notice their tone, their body language, their energy. Then after they're done, reflect back what you pick up. Say something like this. >> Guess we should do the thing then.
7:41 Hey, I can tell just from looking at you, you feel a little uncomfortable. Do you really want to do this? Ah, >> thanks for noticing, man. You know, I wasn't going to say anything because when we play around like this in our videos, the humor can be really off-putting for some and they might not understand it's a joke and I worry that they might think that we're terrible people and this can really impact the brand and the mission behind the brand. You got a really good point. Take it off. Take off your shoes. >> Yay! Footsies. >> This is so fun. >> Yay! I love this. >> Don't judge us. Some teams love escape rooms for bonding and and alignment. Some teams love board games. We do footsies. You do you and we'll do us.
8:28 When you reflect back on what other people see and hear, it's going to blow their minds. They won't be able to believe that you are paying that much attention. They'll think you have psychic powers. But no, my friend, it's called listening with your eyes. Number four, Chewbacca, we'll do it properly. Number four, your words hit harder because they're earned. When you don't talk a lot, your words suddenly become premium grade. Notice how my words right now are way more valuable than Vins. >> Did you notice that? When you speak all the time in a conversation, it's like your lukewarm diluted instant coffee. Don't do this. Only speak when you have
9:14 something truly valuable to say. And the thing is, silence builds tension. And when you finally do speak, people actually lean in because they know this one's going to matter. And it's not that you're saying something smarter as compared to others. It's just that timing makes everything sound smarter. So, here's what you do before your next important conversation. Write down what you want to say. Now, cross out half of it. Then, read it again and ask yourself, "If I could only say one line here, what would it be?" Distill it. That's your truth. Say that and let the silence do the rest. Because your silence makes your words echo louder. Oh, and if you're wondering why I'm getting Pete to hold that pot plant, it's so that he can replace the oxygen he's wasting.
10:01 Number five, you build unshakable composure. Here's the underrated superpower of being quiet. You get really good at being calm when everybody else is losing it. Loud people panic when things get silent. So, they start blurting, they start overexplaining, they start to fill the void. But quiet people, they're like, "Ah, silence, my old friend. We meet again. When you are comfortable in stillness, you are grounded in chaos. That's why people who can handle pressure, they tend to be more quiet. They've trained their nervous system to stay cool when things get uncomfortable. You know who this reminds me of? Magicians. Trust me, I know a few. When a trick goes wrong on stage, the worst thing you can do is panic. The best thing, smile,
10:46 breathe, and hold the silence. Because the longer you look calm, the more people think, "Wait a second, that must have been a part of the trick." And here's a little habit that's going to change your composure instantly. Before you enter any important conversations or presentations, take three deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth, but make the exhale slightly longer. The longer the exhale, it tells your body, "Hey, we're safe. Everything's okay." and your heart rate drops, your voice grounds, and your energy settles. And when your energy is calm, it's contagious. Speaking less doesn't mean you have less to say. It means you've learned to say more with less. Talk less. But when you speak,
11:31 make it feel like the silence has been waiting for it. >> Like and subscribe so Vin doesn't fire me. >> It's true. I will fire him if you don't subscribe. And really, no one in the office actually likes Peter, especially the comment section. Nobody likes Pete there.
