0:01 Does every narcissist start a relationship knowing that it will come to an end? That was a question from a follower, and today I will clarify: does that actually happen? The narcissist really does start a relationship knowing that it will have an end. I am Sinara França, a therapist specializing in helping victims of narcissistic abuse. People with emotional problems and anxiety-related disorders. I’ll start by talking about the person who is not a narcissist. When they start a relationship, they have an intention: they want to get to know someone. They
0:50 start dating, and as the relationship develops and works out, they get attached and start having deeper feelings for that person. They realize this is someone they want to live with, and by mutual agreement, the two might decide to get engaged, married, or live together. And the intention of someone who gets married or moves in together, is not to think that the relationship has an expiration date. Mind you, if someone gets married, their intention is to stay married until death do them
1:36 part, right? To start a family and stay together. But consciously, everyone knows that something could happen and lead to a separation, isn't that true? How many people get married and start off happy, believing the relationship will be forever, but then something happens and it ends. So, consciously, everyone knows that even if they are getting married, they could eventually separate. But what is the intention?
2:22 That is the question here. What is the intention? To start a family, love and respect each other, have children, and go on with life. Not thinking that it will end as if there were a set time for it to happen. Do you see? Isn't that right? So, let's move on to the narcissist. When a narcissist starts a relationship, just like anyone else, they also know that a relationship can end. But the way they enter it, their
3:07 mindset, and their intention when starting a relationship is different from those without narcissistic personality disorder. They aren't starting the relationship because they truly think about a future or a family built on love, respect, reciprocity, and individuality. They aren't entering the relationship that way because the narcissist's way of viewing life and people is different. The narcissist's perspective is one of possession,
3:54 viewing people as objects. There is no intention of love, no intention of empathy, no intention of closeness involving feelings between two people. His intention is to possess, to make that person his object of use. But he won't enter this relationship already thinking, look, I'll do this, that, and that, and it will last this long and then I'll discard it. He enters with the intention of possessing and being
4:40 able to keep that person, uh, tied to him for the rest of his life. But getting back to you, so that you can understand better, if the narcissist starts a relationship as if the human being, the other human being, were an object, with no intimacy or emotional connection, let's look at you, who doesn't have the disorder: how do you relate to an object? Let's suppose you decided to buy a cell phone because your current one is no longer working, anyway, you want to change it. When you go to the store to decide to buy this
5:25 phone, you will evaluate all the possibilities, uh, the camera, for example, the camera quality, right, the memory capacity. You will look at everything there, all the features of this cell phone that will serve you in the best way possible, isn't that right ? And there you will acquire this device for your use, to meet your needs . You don't love it, you don't, you don't respect this cell phone, it is there to serve you within your needs. You know that one day that device might
6:12 have some problem. You buy the device already knowing that one day it might have some problem, it might stop working, it might fall, or an unforeseen event might happen, it might fall into, uh, somewhere with water, you might get mugged, it might drop and you can no longer use the device. So you know that along the way many things can happen, but you know that it won't last forever. But when you buy it, you buy it thinking about that moment and how this device will serve you, will be useful in your life. It's the same
7:00 thing. The narcissist is as if he were buying a cell phone. He will look at what you have to offer, what the benefits are. Just as you, after a while, lost it and will need to replace it; it was stolen, you will need to replace it, buy another one. Or, if you get bored, you get tired, a new line from a certain cell phone brand comes out and you want a new device, you will simply set that device aside because now you have another one that is better , that you think will serve you better, and you will forget about the other one . Of course, there might be another
7:45 setback. You might not have discarded it, thrown it away, or given it to someone else. You might have simply put it away. And then, if something happens to this new device, where do you go? To the device you set aside, that you discarded there. And you will take that device and continue using it. Why? At that exact moment, this old device will serve you, and then you will look for another new device, because you won't want to go back; you won't want to, uh, continue using that device you had already gotten rid of because you had bought the other one. But at that
8:33 moment, suddenly, you aren't in a position to buy a device and, so, what do you do? What is left? Go to that old device, you know why? Because it still has something that will be useful to you. It will still be useful for a call , for a WhatsApp, for a social network, isn't that true? But it no longer has the charm it had before. You will want to buy another one again and replace that one. That is exactly how it works with the narcissist. Only we are talking about people. So, the narcissist enters a relationship with the intention of staying there, draining you. In the beginning, the
9:20 narcissist looks at the victim with a certain admiration, but not an admiration for her, rather for what she has to offer him. But because of the narcissistic pattern, how he functions, how he relates, the cycle of devaluation will happen, he will get tired. Remember the cell phone? You will be the cell phone that the narcissist has already exhausted, that he looked at and a better phone appeared in his head, because it is something new. He will set you aside and he will go to that other device, you know, that other person, and he will manipulate them again. If that
10:09 doesn't work out, he will go back and pull you in again. Or even while with that person, he will come back to try to manipulate you again. Why? You, just like the device for the narcissist, you are also no longer a novelty. He is using you only for a moment when he needed it. Just to still maintain control and prove that you, the object, still belong to him. So he goes there, but he knows you have some function that can serve him. Sometimes it's a moment of sex, it's financial, it's
10:57 that moment where he will, uh, fill your head with silly talk or it's just to prove that he can have, has power and control over you again. And that's how he keeps doing it. As long as the person allows it, this cycle will keep spinning like this, he goes here, he goes there, but he won't let people go. So, do you understand how it works? It's as if it were an object relationship. But the narcissist's intention is not, let's say, "oh, I am consciously entering this relationship because I'm going to do this and that
11:43 and that," no. That is just the way he relates. The narcissist's reality is the reality of a person who doesn't have this personality disorder. Intention when relating, the awareness that a relationship can end, just like a person who doesn't have a personality disorder. When a relationship ends, there is always that party that will, uh, suffer more, won't accept it, often will insist, but in the end, it ends up deceiving the narcissist's head. You
12:31 are the object that he will always want to possess, go back to, use for his own needs, but he won't want that relationship starting from love bombing anymore, no. He keeps changing people. Of course, there are people who have been in relationships with narcissistic people for a long time. That is a different story, right? That's not what I want to bring here today in the video , but it's basically that. That's how it works, okay? What prevails is the intention of the relationship, the
13:17 awareness that every relationship can end, but in the narcissist's head, the awareness that it will one day end doesn't work very well. Why? Because no , in his head, he isn't relating to a person, he is relating to an object. So , for him, that object from then on belongs to him. So, it's not like he stays there all the time thinking: "Oh, I'm going to start love bombing, I'm going to devalue, I'm going to discard and I know this relationship will have an end." No, that's not how it works. Well, I hope this video made sense and helped you, follower, who asked me to talk about this subject. And remember,
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