Full transcript of “What is a Karmic Relationship and Why is it Hard? | Sonia Choquette”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:00 - Hi everybody, I'm Sonia Choquette, welcome to my channel. And I am so excited to talk to you about something that keeps coming up from my clients over and over again. And that is simply this, what is a karmic relationship? And why is it so difficult? And that is a big one question, and one we need to have some insight into because we all have them and yes, they are all very difficult. So before I dive into this, if you're new to my channel, I'm so excited that you joined me and subscribe because I drop in with these beautiful, little bits and pieces of insight that will make life go more smoothly, help you trust your vibes, live more congruently, and frankly have better relationships.
0:47 So let's talk about what a karmic relationship is. First of all, it is a relationship that absolutely seems like it's bound to have to happen. It seems like against my better judgment, against all my reservations, I have to be in this relationship. You find yourself entering something that doesn't necessarily make logical sense. Now a karmic relationship can be, it doesn't have to be romantic by the way, although many are, is certainly no my karmic relationship was nor do we only have one. What a karmic relationship is, is basically a soul with whom we have a sole agreement that we are here to help one another learn lessons
1:34 and soul school's difficult. And if we're resistant and we aren't willing, then it becomes downright crazy painful. So you can have a karmic relationship with a parent, you can have a karmic relationship with a sibling, you can have a karmic relationship with someone you work with, you can have a karmic relationship with someone you date, someone you marry, you can even have a karmic relationship with a child. The bottom line is, is that when you connect, it is an opportunity to evolve some part of your nature. And the way to do it is to encounter the conflict and experience it so that eventually you reach a point
2:21 where you realize I don't wanna do this anymore. I need to do something different. So, some of the signatures of a karmic relationship are questions like, why am I in this? And why is this so difficult? And why don't we get each other? And why do we struggle so much? And why am I staying when it's clearly so not okay, and not fun and not happy? And again, it's because you have lessons to learn from one another. You are each other's teachers, you are each other's guides, you are each other's mirrors or blind spots, and you'll stay connected as long as the opportunity to learn something for you exists.
3:09 I know my karmic relationship was with my ex-husband lasted 31 years. And frankly, it was difficult from the beginning. It wasn't always awful from the beginning, but it was always difficult. We never really quite were in harmony. It was always a bit of tug and pull and power struggle, and it took a lot of years in investment for me to finally figure out that I had to give up that the person I was married to just did not wanna be on my happy train. And I needed to accept that to love someone unconditionally means to let them be who they are, but to love myself unconditionally means let go of what doesn't work for me. So, not all karmic relationships remain happily ever after.
3:59 In fact, a great deal, if not the majority of them are destined to end in some way. Now, I want to clarify what ending a karmic relationship means. Relationship is the energy you share with someone, okay? It's not that person. It's the dynamic with that person. So, you're gonna end that dynamic often means I have to let go and separate from that person. Sometimes when you get to that point and how do I get to that point? You'll know, just like what compelled you to get in, eventually when your learning experiences gone through this full opportunity, you will be equally compelled to get out,
4:47 or you will be miserable. And know I am making a decision to stay in that goes against my better self-love it's going against what my spirit tells me. And you'll know it. So, we stay in karmic relationships too long because we get complacent, we get insecure, we rationalize them too far in, I can't get out, but the moment you're not learning anymore, it does become unbearable. And it does feel like a massive self-betrayal to stay in it. And it can get pretty messy. I have seen a karmic relationship with a mother and daughter where the daughter was so awful to the mother. She was stealing and creating havoc
5:33 and on drugs and, you know, being criminal. And until the mother finally said, "I'm done", and I, as a mother, know how hard that would be. It'd be so hard to say I'm done to my own daughters, but until she did, it just got worse and worse and worse to the point of nearly circus chaos. Once she said I'm done, and really had reached a limit and let go, her life began to heal, but her daughter's life also began to evolve. So, we need to know that it's changing this and letting go. And letting go, and it could be that we don't see each other, we don't communicate. And then it may take a while. I know it certainly did for me to let go of all the residual baggage that goes with the karmic relationship
6:20 like resentment and shame and upset and rationalization. I walked two times the Camino de Santiago to work out my karmic relationship and finally let it go. And literally walked across a whole country on foot to sort this out with myself two times. And even then it took a few more years. So, we need to be super patient because these are deep bone marrow lessons that really involve us showing up to ourselves in a way that is profoundly demanding. We need to know that karmic relationships were destined. So the shame, the guilt, the second guessing, maybe give up on that. But the other thing to give up on, and this is super important is trying to understand
7:08 or make logical sense of it. You won't, you won't, it'll drive you to distraction to try to make logical sense of a karmic relationship. You need to go in place of that. You need to approach it from a different standpoint. You need to ask, what have I learned? Did I learn it? And do I like who I am as a result of these learnings? Am I more my authentic self, in spite of the hell I went through and the horrible wash cycle of drama that we went through, do I like who I've become? And don't ask in the middle of a healing process, ask when you start to get some air, some perspective. Coming out of a karmic relationship, and staying in a karmic relationship
7:55 is so demanding that you need to get your caretakers. I like to point out that even Jesus had 12 helpers. And if you wanna count Mary Magdalene, who was the most important helper, 13. So, let us start looking at well, I need 13 helpers and those 13 helpers need to be essential to my life. They can be good friends who remind me that I'm lovable and wonderful. They can be an animal or a pet who just loves you unconditionally, a good therapist for example, a good intuitive guide, for example, a good one, someone who's reputable and is, that empowers you, a good teacher. You know, it can be courses you learn. It can be certainly bodywork
8:40 'cause there's so much turbulence in your energy field and pain in your body that needs to be moved on. So that's another thing. You can have fun people who take your mind off it all together. When I was coming out of my karmic relationship with my ex husband, one of my 12 helpers was my piano teacher. I decided that I needed for a little period of every week to not think about my divorce or think period, or plan my life and just do something that I had wanted to do that I never made room for. And that was to learn piano and learn how to sing. So my beautiful, beautiful helper was the highlight and helped me heal by just getting off of it for a minute
9:26 and being in my own happy energy. So that's another essential helper. So, 12 is ideal, but have at least four or five. Music can be a helper. And if you need to sing the blues for awhile, sing them out loud, but have certain things on the playlist. I want you to have certain things on the playlist that really just remind you of when you were happy. So play some songs and sing some songs of a time when you felt really free and joyful. So I just want you to know that we all have them. They're not here to torture us. They're not here to ruin your life. They're here to help you grow and you chose them, believe it or not. And you don't have to remind yourself of that when you're in the midst of pain just say,
10:12 in time this will make sense. In time I will heal, in time this will make me more of who I really am, and I'll give it the time if I need to. So if you again, if you need some guidance, I have written a lot of books. And if you haven't read them, you might enjoy in particular. I have a couple of books that would really be helpful to this. One of them is a book that I wrote called "Tune In" and it talks about the four stages of spiritual growth. And another book I wrote, that's just fabulous is called "Soul Lessons and Sole Purpose". Again, really can address and give you some guidance in very, you know, measurable ways
10:59 and give you some real steps forward so that you can eventually help yourself come out of the fog of a karmic classroom and into the full light and into the full love and joy of who you really are. So, I hope this really speaks to you and gives you some insight and some understanding, and some hope if you're in the middle of, or coming out of a karmic relationship. And I want you to daily ask yourself, ask your spirit, don't ask you your brain, what am I learning? What am I supposed to learn in all of this? What is the benefit? What is the learning? For me, the learning was not to take responsibility for another person's unhappiness and try to fix it, huge, huge.
11:46 Another learning was to love myself more than I was settling for, and not feeling bad about my successes when my partner wasn't having them, huge because I got a lot of what I call the stink eye on that. And this was not fair to me. And I learned that I was controlling in my effort to do so much good. I was interfering with my partner's ability to look at his own life honestly, 'cause I was so busy trying to fix it. And you know what? I don't do that anymore. And that gave me a lot of time to enjoy myself and enjoy life and fall in love with me and no more drama. So there is light at the end of the tunnel,
12:35 but you have to go through the tunnel because it's gonna be something your soul wanted. So believe that and have faith in that and have patience. Again, thanks for tuning in. It's been a real pleasure being with you today. If you haven't subscribed, give it a try, subscribe for a minute, check out my book, "Tune In" that can be very helpful. Also, I have a second book that might be very helpful it's called "True Balance", which is recipes and remedies to care for your spirit. So, it teaches you how to love yourself. And again, and my third book, I've written a lot, "Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose". So that's a quick message for you this week. I send you all my love, and I want you to know you've found your way here by your intuition, it wasn't by accident. And I hope we become friends. All my love, bye everyone.
