Full transcript of “11 DATING MISTAKES TO AVOID AT ALL COSTS”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:00 if you watch my second YouTube channel or follow me on Instagram then you guys probably have a very good idea of the kind of treatment I receive in my relationship all of the romance dates princess treatment you name it you guys have all seen it in my Vlogs but what a lot of people don't know is it took me a hot minute to get there and it took me about 1,1 mistakes before I knew what to look for in the right man and in the right healthy relationship me and my partner have been together for 2 years we are also living together right now and so I wanted to make this video with which is a part two to a video you guys loved on my channel called 15 Dating Rules that changed my life this time I want to run through 10 dating mistakes I made so that now you don't have to when compiling this list and planning out this video I made sure not to include
0:45 any generic mistakes that you guys probably already know about and have heard a million times before no these are literally extracted from my exact dating experiences with things I used to think would be good to do in a dating scenario but instead landed me in a very very bad situation make sure to check out all of my links in the description below where you guys can check out my Snapchat Instagram Tik Tok my second YouTube channel where you guys can actually see the dates me and my boyfriend go on as well as the link to pre-order my book it's available worldwide on Amazon right now and it is an entire self-love guide I promise you will change your life and finally a big thank you to my favorite social media platform YouTube for sponsoring this video I love you guys dating mistake number one trying to make a good impression because there should be no
1:31 trying involved at all and there should definitely be no concern or thought of other people's perception of you most importantly trying to influence the perception and impression they are about to have of you because it's giving that you're the Chaser that you're putting them on the pedestal that they have all of the power in their situation when we concern ourselves with trying to make a good impression it's showing that we are unaware of our value and that we're trying to prove ourselves to somebody else to a man okay I don't believe in any of this try to make a good impression BS because you being yourself is already the good impression you are already bringing all of your amazing energy your aura your personality your humor there should be no trying involved on top of that this whole notion of good impression just confuses me because what does that even mean you don't know how certain things are going to come across to another person you don't know what
2:17 topics and conversations they're going to like you don't know if they are going to like your preferences and your dislikes and if you're going to match you could be doing everything right and still manage to make a bad impression because you don't know that person yet and so really what trying to make a good impression leads to is mirroring people and being a people pleaser and let me tell you from personally experience trying to be the easygoing super cool girl or girlfriend mirroring everything he does agreeing with the things he says even though you're not sure of them is a one-way Street to end up with the wrong guy the sooner you get the idea of trying to make a good impression out of your head and in fact you free yourself with the reassurance that if I make a bad impression that's perfect because then it's clearer to me than ever that this person was never right for me if me being myself is isn't enough and I have to try to woo you then you are simply
3:03 not my person and in that way you actually save yourself a lot of time and hassle so that you don't commit any more of your precious time effort and energy to trying to date somebody who was never going to be for you in the first place dating mistake number two was dating other people before I dated myself my life changed when I became my own boyfriend because I was taking care of myself my life my values my mindset and my confidence as a result but way before when I was making the mistake of dating other people before I even got to know myself I wasn't actually being my real self when I met them because I hadn't learned about myself yet I barely met the real version of myself because I hadn't learned how to be in a relationship with myself and if you're not being yourself when you're out there dating you are bound to get involved with the wrong people because these
3:50 people will match the face or the mask that you are putting on because you haven't discovered your true authenticity yet plus if it's your lifestyle that's all over the place and a bit of a mess you are much less likely to find the right person let me tell you because I was in a phase of my life where I was really lost and I was hurting and I just wasn't the highest version of myself so I was out partying constantly and as a result in my dating life I was then attracting people that matched that version of me the party girl which I mean guys look at me now it's not really me and that meant while we were dating and I was finally growing and evolving into this version of myself which is my authenticity and the person I was always supposed to be it meant that that person was no longer a match for for me and our dating situation or our relationship fizzled out very very fast if I had been on my journey of
4:35 self-love and self-discovery from the very beginning then the caliber of people I was dating would have been much more aligned and it would have been way more likely to work out longterm dating mistake number three was trying to take it slow yes I said that right I know it's a universal rule to people that when you're dating you should take it slow but I heavily disagree in terms of being physical or putting labels on it then sure take it slow however when it comes to conversations getting real about your feelings I say put your cards on the table as fast as you can I hate that it's always assumed that you're going to freak someone out too fast if you start talking about serious things or the future or where you want things to go but if you don't say it at the beginning how are you going to know otherwise you're just going to stay quiet in the beginning because you're people pleasing you're trying to be easygoing cool and not scare them off
5:22 and then you're going to hope for the best and then eventually have to settle because you didn't speak up in the beginning and now you're too deep into it to demand anything else like no thanks I used to make this mistake all the time of taking things slow and letting the guy lead and all that meant was that I kept getting myself into the same situation which was I didn't know where we stood what their values were or if we were actually compatible because majority of the time the guys are always going to try and skip out on the serious feelings and labeled conversation especially if you're dating a low value man and you don't even know it the way to catch them out and to save your own time is to have those conversations in the beginning otherwise they are going to string you along and get you into a situation that matches their preferences and wastes your time at the same time eventually I finally learned my lesson and I stood on business I had no shame
6:08 in asking every single question Under the Sun that I wanted the answer to because if you are too scared to answer what are your preferences when it comes to dating how long do you think a talking stage should last you are simply not the person for me all that tells me is that you're literally just in this to play games have some fun and keep it casual and that right there does not align with my values so actually even if you're asking these questions and they're not answering it it's all in how they respond verbally physically emotionally all of the cues they're giving you shows you what type of person they are and when I finally got to this version of myself that was asking all these questions so brazenly and openly I honestly think that's the reason that me and my boyfriend worked because he was the first guy who matched my energy so much we used to see like tweets on Twitter of debates of like who should do this in this situation or when a guy and girl is dating like what's right or
6:54 wrong and these tweets would blow up and go viral because people would have such different answers and the reason these tweets go viral is because they are questions that always go unanswered we would screenshot them send them to each other and then actually understand how each other's minds worked and therefore if we were going to be compatible in a relationship the fourth dating mistake I made was looking at facts over my own intuition there were quite a few times where I dated guys and they were perfectly nice they were being a gentleman on the date they were romantic they were respectful like tick tick tick green flags but I would come home from the date and I just feel kind of weird like I had this gut feeling and I was like I literally can't fault you in any way like you were great but there is something here that is just not right and I literally don't feel like talking to you anymore or going on another date and then the people pleas it in me and
7:40 looking at facts instead of paying attention to my own feelings had me thinking well they didn't do anything wrong and you don't have any reason to cut them off so you should just keep talking to them until you actually find real evidence to support this feeling and I'll just give you guys a quick story time of one time I made this mistake where I actually gave the guy another chance when on another date a second date with him came home felt so weird about the entire situation went to my friends and they were like well he didn't do anything wrong so just give him a chance maybe you're nervous maybe you're this maybe or that and I've noticed those weren't just my friends that were responding like that friends universally will tell you that if you say I've met a great guy and he did this and he takes all my boxes but I don't know how I feel about it the very common response you are going to get back from your parents your siblings your friends Society is oh we'll just give him another chance I heavily disagree
8:27 sometimes your body your soul your mind knows before you do and in my story of doing this I ended up going on another date because everyone encouraged me to do so because there was nothing really wrong that he did and then afterwards I ended up getting a DM from a girl saying that she had been in a relationship with this man for months and he was cheating on her with me my body literally knew that there was nothing wrong this guy did to me he was treating me great and I was like oh my God my intuition was literally right and I have never looked back since and of course not every dating situation is going to be that extreme but sometimes it can truly be down to like pay attention to who you're naturally more shy around pay attention to the dates where you feel like you can't be your authentic self for whatever reason even if you don't have real evidence or they haven't done
9:12 anything physically wrong sometimes energy senses energy and if you feel like you're not aligned and you're not naturally inclined to open up and be your biggest most authentic self run because you will save yourself a lot of time in the long run I promise you there is a reason that the most common phrase people say once they've met their soulmate is when you know you just know and if your body is saying I don't know and I don't like this please listen to it at the end of the day this other person is a stranger okay why are we doing favors and making excuses for people we literally don't know over the body and the mind that we have lived in our entire lives trust me sometimes it knows dating mistake number five was making another person my purpose instead of finding my own fulfillment I definitely used to be that girl that put
9:58 dating and guys first and as a result whenever I was dating someone or in a relationship I used to obsess over so many little things and I used to notic things that were literally none of my business reply times if he really likes me constantly doubting things and as a result because I was that person that massively affected my energy therefore massively affected how I was able to show up in the relationship what kind of girlfriend I was and honestly massively affected my dating life in a very negative way even before you get into a relationship and you're just dating if you're not number one priority is I just want someone to like me I want someone to love me I want to be in a relationship why is everyone in a relationship and I'm not that literally radiates off you people can sense that the kind of people that are going to take advantage of your love your light your attention are going to grab at you when they know that you would do
10:45 anything just to be in a relationship and just to get attention whereas when you know I'm good in my own and I would never settle for a relationship that even goes a step below my standards all of these people that would love to play games with you and waste your time wouldn't even take a second look at you because they know they wouldn't be able to get away with anything I think one thing that a lot of people forget about is that it's so important to be able to pour some of your emotional energy into your passion projects into your hobbies into what you're interested in rather than directing all of the emotional energy that you contain into one person because your feelings are bound to get hurt when you are in a relationship yes you are building a life together but you were also just two individuals building your own lives going towards your own dreams your own goals while supporting each other in your own separate Journeys
11:31 and so while that person is over there living their own life and you're not because all of your emotions are kind of dependent and on them is literally a recipe for disaster and my YouTube channel is literally such a great example of this I didn't know I wanted to be a YouTuber I just knew I love the platform I loved video creation and editing has been my passion since I was 10 years old so when I was a university student and I was dating and I was doing all these things but I didn't know who I was I knew this is what I enjoy YouTube I have always loved let me just pour some time effort and energy into that and see where it gets me it started off as a small little baby tunnel but it fulfilled me so much and gave me a sense of purpose and allowed me to create my own happiness every single day rather than waiting for another person to give me some of their happiness rather than relying on somebody else's actions to
12:18 determine how I was going to feel about myself and my life that day but as I continued to P in more and more time and work into my YouTube channel it eventually grew into where we are now a million subscribers but most importantly my community grouw we fostered such a beautiful engaged strong community of women from all over the world that share similar interests that are all on the same journey and that truly gave me a sense of purpose and allowed me to be seen and allowed me to relate to others like I never have before I got really good at building deeper connections with my audience online taking in their requests making sure I was providing as much value with every video reading DMS responding to comments and making sure that I understood what my audience's pain points were and how I could then solve them and offer up the right amount
13:03 of information and value to make somebody else's day better to be able to put more good out into the world to make sure that women never struggled with the problems that I once did and that honestly helped me build my own self- Lov and confidence so much because I was finally doing something for myself my days no longer revolved around validation and attention it was honestly about putting something important into the world about taking past pain and past problems and transforming it into something beautiful that would help another person and Inspire them to make progress in their own lives also when it comes to dating love and relationships I think it's so important to normalize celebrating women's hard-earned achievements and career accomplishments in the same way that we celebrate personal life updates like I got into a new relationship or I went on a first date I think we can all do a much better
13:49 job at creating a more Dynamic picture of what a woman's success and happiness looks like because it's definitely not a one-size fits-all approach YouTube has given me so much fulfillment over the years which has allowed me to create a lot of balance within my life when it comes to friendships relationships just to make sure that as much as I'm pouring into everyone else I'm also pouring into myself and my future at the same time not to mention the YouTube Partner program did amazing things for my financial Independence and stability especially starting as a university student create a career for myself be able to move out into my first apartment at such a young age it's given me so many opportunities to work with my dream Brands to practice my public speaking while I'm at event and it's literally just given me a whole new lifestyle that even goes beyond sitting down to record and edit a YouTube video which was my
14:34 initial attraction to the job and now it's just gotten so much bigger and so much greater and honestly just changed my life so honestly don't fall into the Trap that I did which is putting other people before your dreams and your interests take some time to figure out how you could create your own happiness before you depend on another person to get it you dating mistake number seven was sticking to one person now hold on I used to be that person person that was so shocked by people being in multiple talking stages and dating two people at the same time I was like what I don't think that could ever be me to me I was like that's such a waste of time I don't get it what is this generation coming to blah blah blah blah blah that is how I thought until I accidentally got myself into a situation while I was dating two people at once and honestly it wasn't even intentional I just met two people
15:21 that I really liked within the same week and I'm not saying that you should do this every single time you dat I'm just saying don't write off the idea of it because it taught me a lot even after going on a couple of dates with someone you cannot invest all of your energy and all of your emotions into just one person and close yourself off to them I actually think that one time I was in two talking stages at the same time help me stay so levelheaded and help me practice like detaching my emotions for me it really helped me move away from the mindset I was stuck in for so many years which was oh my God I think I really like this person what if they like me oh my God are we going to be together are we going to get married one day two this person is really nice and I like ABC about them that person's also really nice and I like ABC about them I just wonder who my connection is going to grow to stronger and how I'm going to
16:07 figure out who matches me better and aligns to my life dating mistake number eight was comparing with my past dating experiences I was in a phase where I was trying to replicate what I had in my previous relationship because that made me so happy and that was one relationship that was like the best one I'd ever been in and I wish it would have lasted longer but it was such a mistake because it's not a one- siiz fits all solution I was so naive and so clueless this great big love that I was trying to replicate with the new people I was dating was literally me trying to replicate an old relationship I was in with a narcissist but I just didn't know he was a narcissist at that point I was literally being manipulated throughout an entire relationship being love bummed and I didn't even know it and I was trying to find people that matched his Vibe what honestly that was a very humbling experience cuz it really taught
16:53 me that you don't have all of the facts okay dating is such an experience and a lesson game the first person you you might think will be the best ever and then you'll meet your husband like 10 people later and you'll be like I can't believe I ever settled for person number one and I thought that that's what happiness and healthy love looks like also everyone is a different experience and you don't stay the same person forever what might have fulfilled you and made you happy in one relationship last year might not be the same thing that's going to fulfill you match you and align with your life today what served you yesterday will not serve you today it's important to grow and evolve and improve your dating standard list as you grow as a person it's not going to stay the exact same way the ninth dating mistake I made was thinking the more time the better I had been in a couple of relationships where we would see each
17:38 other multiple times a week or like hang out like every other day spontaneously just because we could or we lived close or whatever sometimes we spent nearly every single day together purely out of like that attachment and that initial excitement and honeymoon phase but when you get yourself into this cycle into this habit of I just want to see you because I miss you and I want to see you all the time and and you're just hanging out while lacking actual plans it starts to normalize low effort within your relationship life with that person more time doesn't equal quality time you especially don't want to make the mistake that I did which is accepting this treatment and therefore communicating to your partner to your man that all you have to do is sit with me and pay some attention to me and that's good enough for me and I'll just settle with that because that's hella easy and then they are going to run with
18:25 that for who knows months to come years to come and eventually the romance will fade because that's exactly what happened to me I found out that we were just hanging out talking all day and then it got to the point where I was like when was the last time we went on an actual date when was the last time you planned something for me and it started to feel like we were actually just friends instead I learned the best lesson which got me to where I am today which is I would rather focus on my own life my own purpose my own fulfillment My independence and then see you twice a week instead and have that be our quality romantic time that is thought out that we've planned for each other dating mistake number 10 was a very big one and this was I had no idea that some of the loves that I was experiencing that I thought was so gray and so good and so healthy were in actuality the
19:12 bare minimum and I had no idea of that because that type of love and that type of relationship was all I had seen and been surrounded with my entire life I had no idea there were men out here that would love you so much pour so much effort and time into every single date they plann for you and literally act like they worship the ground that you walk on every single day because they are that obsessed with you and they literally are and I deprived myself of that kind of love for so many different relationships so if I could go back in time I would either one pay less attention to the type of love and relationships everyone else around me was experiencing because honestly all that did was skew my high standards downwards and normalize what bare minimum was and just accept what the norm was for so many people or two I would simply research more into what healthy relationships look like so I
19:58 could instead influence what my average love that I was seeing and surrounding myself with was so that instead it aligned more to much higher standards so that I could get my dream guy because I saw all of these other people with their dream amazing soulmate love and then it kind of signaled to my brain that is normal that is achievable and you know what since you watched all the way to the end of the video let me throw in an extra dating mistake that I made here is a bonus number 11 which I think is probably the most important and also the most overlook the 11th dating mistake I made was assessing everything in a person but self-esteem kindness check good-looking check plans and pace for every day check romantic check understands me check is emotionally intelligent check oh my god I've hit the
20:45 jackpot yeah not exactly because let me tell you a little story about that guy over there that's checking out all these boxes he also has some very deepr rooted insecurities that he refuses to deal with and is eventually going to project them onto you after a few months of dating once you're heavily in love with him and then the real side of him comes out because he has never learned about self-improvement about healing his traumas and about becoming a more confident secure version of himself so that he can show up for you better he knows exactly how to play Amazing handsome gorgeous romantic plans every date guy he knows how to do that but he's also got this hidden jealousy within him where once you start flourishing in your career it's going to really hurt his ego or when you make changes in your life or you change or you evolve he's going to want you to stay the exact same person person you were when you met him and he's not going to be able to deal with any of that I'm
21:32 not saying having insecurities is wrong I'm saying if you right there sat watching this video or a woman who is intelligent enough to identify and remain aware of her own insecurities and then find ways to start working on them improving them just being consciously aware of how it might show up in your life then you at least deserve someone who is capable of doing the same for their own insecurities so that you guys can actually build a healthy relationship together people can be so many great things but at the same time they can mistreat you or sabotage you because they haven't dealt with themselves yet and that brings us to the end of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it if you did please comment down below let me know which number dating mistake you enjoy the most if you haven't already be sure to watch part one because hundreds of thousands of people love that video it was all of the dating lessons that I've learned that's a little bit more positive it's kind of
22:18 giving you advice on what to do in your dating life rather than this one which was more about what to avoid at all costs be sure to comment down below let me know if you want to see more dating content because I would love to create that for you guys and remember to check out all the links Below in my description I appreciate you so much and I will see you same time next week for a brand new video bye [Music]
