Do This With Your Anger

0:00 How do I get rid of the anger that I have towards the parent that I didn't feel safe with? So anger is there, is it not? Yes. And you're trying to get rid of anger. Yeah. So what does that make you feel? Frustrated. Yeah. Which is akin to anger. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So how's that working out? Not so good. So you look at the parent with whom you have this anger towards which really is a on the continuum of a form of real judgment. And yet because you're smart, you're intellectual, you've done work, you've listened to podcasts, mine or others, you're like, "Okay, maybe I should have forgiveness. That's the answer. But really what you're creating is more judgment now of you having anger, right? Which is creating anger, right? Which is like the parent. And it doesn't condone whatever happened. I What I hear under anger is a lot of hurt. Yes. But underneath the

0:45 hurt, there's somebody who's asking to be held, to be seen. A protection mechanism for hurt is anger. You beat a dog one too many times, it's going to start and growl and bark and even bite. It's not a bad dog. It's just going on the evidence that you can't trust the hand that comes near you. So your anger is a survival mechanism for deep hurt, but you're also on top of that, it's compounded because now you're actually trying to not allow yourself to feel the hurt. Okay? So really underneath it, there's somebody who's hurt who's desperately trying to put it on somebody else and yet make themsel wrong for putting it on somebody else. And you're in this vicious cycle of a lot of pain. Yes. So whatever your care provider couldn't provide for you, I'm going to assert you can. And this group certainly is here for it. I'm here for it. Because

1:32 whilst you have this intellectual coping mechanism which is superimposing judgment on somebody else, what's actually really at play is you're just wanting a safe enough space to feel hurt. [Music] Everything that we feel comes down to two primordial emotions. We're either hurt or we're scared. usually both. And if we could make safe space for ourselves to realize there's a part of us that's hurt and scared because we're human and happens. And rather than try and get away from it, get rid of it, kick it, overcome it, blame a parent, just go, can I be a big enough human being to just feel hurt right now? And I don't know how many years that's been there, but this is how people get sick. Disease is the precursor to There you

2:19 go. Yeah. Someone just put their arm around her. Thank you, Cambria. Folks, this is everyday life. We don't know what she went through, but we've all got our own version. This is so beautiful. She gets to step in a new world where she's just not walking around in pain. This is why people are on all sorts of medication. Street prescribed food, TV, sex, weed, cigarettes. It's a real privilege to sit with somebody who has the courage to do this. I had no idea this was going to happen. I'm so grateful though that you as a collective are sufficiently kind and loving to hold space for someone to actually process something that's been there probably for decades. We love you. Really, thank you for letting us in.