If You Master These 10 Communication Skills, Your Relationships Will Change Forever

0:00 Have you ever said something and later wished you handled the conversation a whole lot differently? Now, most conversations go south not necessarily because of a lack of intelligence, but because of a lack of emotional intelligence. Sometimes we say the right things but in the wrong way. Sometimes we speak too quickly. Sometimes we listen without understanding and then of course sometimes we react instead of responding. All of these things are signs that you lack emotional intelligence in communication. Emotional intelligence is often the difference between communication that damages relationships and then communication that actually helps make a relationship a whole lot more solid. Emotional intelligence is what helps your

0:45 communication build connection instead of conflict. So, when you say, "I want to be a better communicator that helps me solidify my relationships." what you actually want to say is, "I want to be an emotionally intelligent communicator." Because without emotional intelligence you actually cannot be an effective communicator, especially when it comes to building relationships. Now, with all of these things being said, I am here in today's video to share with you 10 practical tips that can help you become an emotionally intelligent communicator because I am one person who strongly believes that when you become more emotionally intelligent in your communication, things actually become a

1:30 whole lot better, especially with with regards to your relationships with people. And relationship building should actually be one of the most important things in our lives and that's why it's important that you're learning everything you need to learn about being an emotionally intelligent communicator. Now, I want you to stay till the very end of this video because at the end of this video I'll be giving you a practical assignment. Over here we're not just about talking, talking, we're about doing the talk. So, we're going to be taking action and practicing everything we're going to be learning in today's video. So, at the end I'm going to give you a practical assignment that you can apply immediately so that you can start to see the results of being an effective communi- an emotionally intelligent communicator in your own life. So, stick to the end of this video for that assignment. Before we go into the main points proper, just a few announcements. Remember we our website

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3:48 Excellence Elite and people there can testify of the wonderful work that we're doing through the communities. Just in case this resonates with you, we can click the link in the description box down below to find out more information on how you can access the community. Subscribe to the channel if you haven't subscribed and yes, stay in touch with us on all of our social media platforms because we're active there as well. And if you haven't joined our email list, now would also be a good time to join because via the email platform, we also share very valuable information that help you on your level up journey. So, just stay connected with us one way or another in the best way that resonates with you so that you don't miss out on anything that we're doing at the Winnie School of Excellence. Okay, so with that being said, let's get right into the tips that can help you become a more emotionally intelligent communicator. The very first tip that can help you on

4:34 your journey to becoming a more emotionally intelligent communicator would be don't speak from raw emotions. Don't speak from raw emotions. Learn to control your mouth and the words that proceed out of it, especially when you are on an emotional high. Now, emotions are important, but they should not control your communication. Displaying emotions is what makes you human. It's your body's way of giving you data about the things you like or the things that you don't like. For example, when you display the emotion of anger, it's your body's way of telling you that okay, this thing you are angry about is something we don't really like over here. So, it's okay to be angry. What

5:21 causes problem is what you say and how you act when you are angry. That's where the control should come into play. As somebody who wants to become an emotionally intelligent communicator, you need to ensure that you are not speaking from emotion. Feeling angry is an emotion. It's something that makes you human. Feeling hurt, feeling disappointed frustrated sad depressed, even someone who feels extremely happy can communicate negatively from that happiness emotion. So, an emotionally intelligent person knows not to speak from raw emotion. You first of all, what you do is you allow your emotions to settle before you speak. Or, even if you don't want to allow your emotions to settle and you want to speak from that emotion because

6:07 you feel like your communication will land better with you having that emotion. It's important for you to bring some level of awareness and say, "Okay, I know that I'm angry. I'm angry right now, but I still want to communicate what I want to communicate in this angry state." So, because you have brought in awareness, you are now also mindful of who you are communicating to. So, for example, if it's your husband and you want to communicate in anger, you know not to talk to him in a way or in a tone that will make him feel disrespected because you still care about this person and you care about the relationship that you have with this person. So, you might be angry and want to communicate in anger, but then you bring in some level of awareness to ensure that the words or the choice of words that you use are not the ones that would actually demean him

6:53 or make him feel disrespected. And it goes both ways. So, emotionally intelligent communicators don't communicate from raw emotion. When you are overly happy, don't talk too much because that's when you tend to open your mouth and give out all your secrets or you over promise or you exaggerate and say things that you don't actually mean. So, because you want to become an emotionally intelligent communicator, you need to be aware of the fact that you must and shouldn't speak from raw emotions. And even if you want to speak from your raw emotions, bring some level of self-awareness to things, okay? The second tip that I put down here on my list that can make you a more emotionally intelligent communicator would be for you to seek to understand first. Many misunderstandings happen because we interpret words through our

7:39 own assumptions. In the video we have posted in the past, remember that the the content pillar for this month is still on graceful communication. And in the videos that we have put up in the past, I talked about how people see life through their own lens and they perceive things through their own lens. So, most often than not, when you're involved in a communication with someone, it's very easy for that person to assume things based on their own life's perception. So, if you are that person, it's important that you seek to understand when someone is communicating something to you first. Do not project your own assumptions on that person, because projecting your own assumptions on that person actually nullifies and negates the essence of having a healthy conversation. If you want to talk to somebody, unload whatever you think about yourself or your perspective of

8:25 the situation, and walk in the person's shoes and try to see things from the person's perspective. That's actually what makes you an emotionally intelligent communicator. Emotionally intelligent communicators seek to understand before seeking to be understood. That's the order that things go. You want to feel heard, you want to feel seen. But do you understand the person's the other person's point of view first, so that you can try to connect your their point of view to your point of view, so that things make sense. Not everything needs to be an emotional outburst. Not every Not every conversation needs to be heated. Not every conversation needs to be chaotic. Sometimes just bringing some form of understanding into things, try to see the other person's point of view, understand their point of view, and then communicate clearly your own point of view. So, understand first before

9:12 seeking to be understood, okay? This third tip is actually my absolute favorite one, and it's one that has helped me to tremendously when it comes to my relationships with others. And it is simply quiet internal mental chatter whilst listening. I explained it in a previous video that listening is not the act of just opening your ears to hear what someone has to say. Listening requires you to build the skill of understanding. Listening goes beyond just taking in information with your ear. It It goes into understanding the information you have taken, processing it with your mind, giving some form of level of empathy or compassion before making sense of whatever it is that has been said to you based on your understanding of that thing from that person's perspective. If you constantly have mental chatter in your head where

9:58 you are projecting your own projections and your own things and your own perception about the situation or you you are processing a lot of limiting beliefs and beliefs about certain things and it's mixing up with what is being told you. It's hard for you to actually listen correctly because if you don't listen correctly, in turn, it will hamper your response to the person who is communicating with you. And that becomes very hard because that person that's trying to tell you something doesn't now feel seen or heard because you're all over the place in your head having mental chatter and talks about things that are not even related to what is being said to you. And because of that mental chatter, you misinterpret what this person is trying to communicate with you. So, an emotionally intelligent communicator ensures that they do not have any form of mental chatter or they're quieting whatever it

10:44 is that's going on in their mind and give their attention fully to the person who is speaking. I put here that often, while someone is speaking, we're already preparing our response. No, that shouldn't be. If I'm talking to you right now, I am passing across information to you. Your first assignment should be to first of all receive what I'm giving you through that information. Make sense of it. Your first assignment should not be to respond. It should be to collect it, process it, make sense of it, then from the sense you have made from it, you now give me back a response. But if you don't go through this process and you just respond, does it show that you're very intelligent emotionally? Because in terms of communication, especially when it comes to other people in your life

11:31 with relationships and all, you know the way someone is trying to tell you something about something. It's not just them talking from logic, it's them talking from emotions. So, you need to bring in some form of emotional awareness so you can listen to them correctly and then respond to them based on whatever it is that they are saying. Emotionally intelligent communicators practice presence. They focus fully on understanding the speaker. Presence improves your connection. So, instead of just thinking, "Okay, how do I respond?" Be there and understand first what this person is trying to communicate with you and then from that understanding, you can provide a better response. This next one, eh, is actually one of my absolute favorite ones as well and it's simply Sorry, I just got an email that's I've been waiting for for so long and it made

12:17 me just very excited right now seeing this email. I can't wait to read it and dig into it and and respond [laughter] because, >> [gasps] >> yeah, God has answered another of my prayers and I'm so grateful. I just had to say that. Anyways, number four tip, this is >> [laughter] >> Excuse me. Uh, thank you, Jesus. I'm so excited. >> [laughter] >> Let me get myself together. Okay, I'm ready to roll now. So, this fourth tip, like I was saying, is a very the one that is actually very, very dear and yet to my heart and is one of the most important tips on this list. It's avoid trying to win conversations. This is also a note to self. I mean, it's something I stopped doing a long time ago. Trying to win conversations is exhausting and it doesn't help you foster healthy relationships with

13:03 people. I stated this in the third point that your first number one assignment, especially when it comes to other people, is to seek to understand them first before seeking to be understood. So, if you come into a conversation with the mindset of winning that conversation, you already have disqualified whatever the other person have to has to say to you because for you, what they are saying does not matter. It's what I'm saying that matters and I have to say what I have to say and I must win the conversation. So, you see where it becomes really hard for you to actually have a healthy conversation with someone when you come into that conversation with the mindset of winning it. So, emotionally intelligent people prioritize understanding over winning. I don't care about winning. Winning doesn't put more money in your bank account. It doesn't

13:50 make you smarter. It doesn't give you better opportunities. Winning just satisfies and caresses your ego. It doesn't help you build your connections with other people. It doesn't help build your friendship because here you may have won the conversation. You may have won that argument, but did you win that friend? Did you win that husband? Did you win that that's that wife's loyalty? Did you win their their their trust? Which one is better to win? Winning a conversation that satisfies your ego or winning a connection with somebody that helps you lengthen and strengthen that relationship that you have with the person. Don't go into a conversation with the sole aim of winning that conversation. Your priority should be first to understand whatever that other person is trying to say to you. Process

14:36 it and then respond to them based on what you understand of it. Not just you trying to win the conversation. Okay? This fifth one is another very important one. Notice non-verbal emotional signals. An emotionally intelligent person is also paying attention to what is not being said. Sometimes somebody has zoned out of the conversation, but if you are not smart or aware, you will keep talking when this person has zoned out. But emotional intelligence requires you to pay attention to those cues that the person is giving you, "I'm tired." When someone yawns while you're talking, it says a lot. So, as an emotional intelligent conversa- communicator, you ought to ask, "Are you tired? Or is my conversation boring you? Do you want some time to go relax and and sleep?" Because an emotionally intelligent communicator doesn't waste their words.

15:22 They don't waste their time or their effort. So, when someone has disconnected from a conversation, you don't want to keep talking when the person is obviously disconnected. That's taking you nowhere. So, listen for verbal cues like body language, facial expressions, silence, tone. When someone changes their tone, you're saying something. Someone changes their tone or changes their body language and becomes more feisty. That should tell you what an emotional communicator. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What you want to do right now is what? Extinguish the tension. Because at all times, your conversation should always be peaceful as an emotionally emotionally intelligent communicator. So, when someone's tone is rising or when someone's body language is tense as a result of something you're saying, take it as a sign to maybe douse down the fire. Take it as data to act upon and correct maybe whatever it is that you're saying so

16:08 that they stop reacting to what you are saying. So, pay attention to verbal cues. To non-verbal cues, sorry. Body language, tone changes, facial expressions, silence. I said here that sometimes what is not said communicates more than words. Sometimes what is not said communicates more than words. Now, those are the top five on my list, but I have five more, but I'm just going to brush through those five. And if you are already a member of our email list, you will get the remaining five in great details. So, ensure that you have signed up for our email newsletter so that you can you can get my notes on this subject, okay? The link is going to be in the description box down below. And then before I continue with the rest, we dealt very deep on this topic in the Graceful Communication Handbook, which is the book for of the month for us at

16:55 the Winners Club Excellence Community. The Graceful Communication Handbook is a handbook that helps you know how to become a more graceful and gracious communicator. We dealt a lot in about emotions, talked about how your emotions affect your your conversations, and how to put a grip on things, how to control things correctly, practical steps that you can apply every day. It's a handbook that I recommend highly for anyone who is in a professional space, a personal space, you are a mother, you are a father, you have children, you have friends, you have cousins, you have family. If you have people in your life literally, you need that handbook so that it can start to guide your conversations and your communications with other people so that people can start trusting you. Your words can start landing a whole lot better on the minds of others and then here you build your confidence and your credibility. When

17:41 you've learned and mastered all of the things and the principles and strategies that we gave in that book. The link is going to be in the description box down below on how you can access it. So, it's important that you get access to it. If becoming a more gracious communicator is important to you because everything I'm saying right now we delve deeper into it in the book. So, get access to it, okay? So, brushing through the other tips on how you can become a more emotionally intelligent communicator, the sixth one will be for you to adapt your communication to the emotional state of the listener. When someone is feeling overwhelmed, what they may need is simplicity patience kindness gentleness, compassion. Don't give somebody bass when you know they're already feeling balls. Does that make sense? The seventh tip will be for you to ask permission before giving sensitive feedback. Yes, I know you want to say that thing you want to

18:27 say so bad, but does that other person want to hear what you have to say at that time? So, it would be nicer for you to say it with sensitivity, but even before you say it, ask permission. The eighth one is be comfortable with silence. A lot of people don't know how to be comfortable with silence. I used to be somebody who I hated awkward silence so bad. I wanted to fill every silence with something, but I'm learning. I mean, I've learned, but I'm still practicing how to enjoy silence. When there's silence, I keep quiet. It's not my responsibility to talk. It's not my responsibility to fill the air unless I feel there is a need for me to say what needs to be said in that moment or there's something to be said that needs to be said and then I'll say it, okay? The ninth one is pause before responding. This one is a no-brainer and I already explained in great detail, I think, in the video we

19:13 uploaded a week ago where I said pausing is not just about you waiting for 5 seconds before you talk again. No. In that time while you're pausing, you are processing information based on your understanding of what the person has said, and then you respond based off of that understanding and processing that you have done. And then the The 10th one is use words that preserve dignity. Your number one job, especially when it comes to relating with others, is for you to protect and preserve the dignity of other people. Your words should not tear down people. It shouldn't bring them down. It shouldn't hurt them. Yes, even though you want to say what you want to say, and maybe they You're so mad and so angry at them, your words should actually protect their dignity. Emotionally intelligent communicators

19:59 protect dignity even when correcting others. Watch your tone. Watch the kind of words that proceed out of your mouth. You can't insult somebody over something they did and expect them to continue to rise at the level where you are correcting them to rise at. So, you can't call somebody stupid or an idiot or foolish and expect them to protect a person's dignity. That should be your number one assignment when it comes to communicating with others. This is also something we delve very deeply into in the Grateful Communication Handbook because grateful communication is all about caring about how the words that come out of you lands in the world. And when I say in the world, in relations to other people. You need to be start being

20:46 mindful of how the words that come out of you project itself to the world and how it lands. Because I tell you, whether you like it or not, this is deciding your credibility. It's deciding the level of respect other people have for you. It's deciding who would trust you and who wouldn't trust you. It's deciding who wants who would be open to you and who wouldn't be open to you. All of these things are important. I'm on a journey where I'm really learning how to be a graceful communicator. And that's why for this handbook, I poured out my heart and soul into it. And beyond all the things I have learned about graceful communication, with a deep research into practical things and the strategies, and I shared quite a number of frameworks in that handbook that can actually help us on this journey of becoming more graceful communicators. So, please get

21:32 access to that book, okay? And yeah, so that book have pretty much some of the points that can help you become a more emotionally intelligent communicator. I don't want to leave you with just these words. I want to give you an assignment that you must practice. The assignment for this week's video would be for you to practice what I call the pause and process technique in your conversations this week. It's a point I made where I said pause before responding. And I already explained to you what pausing means. It's not just keeping quiet. It's pausing understanding, processing, giving empathy or compassion, listening to the other person from their point of view, and then giving a response based on that point of view. So, you pause before you respond in your conversation this week. So, the next time you feel

22:18 emotionally triggered in a conversation, this is even an assignment for myself. The next time you feel emotionally triggered in a conversation, what you and me are going to do this week is we will pause before responding. And we will give ourselves time to process what has been said so that we are processing things from understanding, empathy, and compassion. And then, after we are done, we respond. Remember, the the time it takes you to pause is depending on how long you you need to process what was said. So, it depends heavily on what was said to you. You might even need hours and days and weeks. Take it and tell them you would revisit the conversation later if that's what's required. But it's important that this week you are

23:04 pausing before you respond to anything anyone has said about you. And so, in the moment of your pause, you ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now? What is the best way to communicate this clearly and respectfully?" Remember, we need to protect other people's dignity. Then, when you've answered the question during that pause, you can now respond calmly and intentionally. You don't have to suppress your emotion at this time, but you can choose how you express your emotions. Don't suppress, but choose how you express it. The power is with you. The choice lies with you. You either express it in a harsh way or you express it in a gracious way, in an emotionally intelligent way. The power lies with you, and that power is most active when you decide to what? Take a pause before you respond. Okay? And just to wrap up

23:50 this video, emotional intelligence strengthens every area of your life. Your relationships, your personal relationships, your career, your influence, your leadership, and everything that you do. It's important that you are bringing in a high level of emotional intelligence to things, especially with regards to your communication. As your emotional intelligence increases, your communication becomes more effective. And so, I'm charging you today to please pay attention to this emotional intelligence thing and see how it affects your communication and start working on becoming a more emotionally intelligent communicator. Because I tell you, when you do that, you will see the results in your life and with regards to your relationships. That's pretty much all that I have for you in today's video. I'll see you next time in another one. Remember that our content pillar

24:37 for this month is still on graceful communication, and we still have lots and lots of content for you around that. So, stick around and expect all of the goodies that we have for you around graceful communication. All right, I'll see you again next week. Until then, remember to continue to live an excellent life. Take care. No matter where you are on your journey or where you are in the world, there's truly something for you on the Winnie School of Excellence website. [music] So, I invite you now to explore the new digital transformation hub of Winnie School of Excellence. Go to www.winnieschoolofexcellence.com and begin or continue your transformation journey today. [music] Take care.