خودارضایی و پورن؛ واقعیت‌های ناگفته‌ای که زندگی‌ات را تغییر می‌دهد (۵۲)

0:00 And usually, these [ __ ] who are accompanied by porn, in the situation you describe, say, "We haven't even talked to the girl yet. I opened the door to the room while masturbating." Men who masturbate 7 hours a week develop sexual problems. Problems with 7 hours. Children were not sent to school on Thursdays because there was sex education on Thursdays. Someone said it caused mental retardation. They used drugs and women . This partner was brought in as a sex worker as a sexual partner. Trisam wanted to get my father to masturbate for 2 years, and I'm

0:46 not talking to you about it because I wanted to get the right person. The right person is someone who has studied psychiatry. Someone who has studied sexology . Did I say that right? Yes . Yes. That's why, dear Dr. Shima, you came to talk about masturbation, whether masturbation is good or not, what are its dangers and benefits, and that masturbation is completely different from porn. Be sure to see this, no matter what age you are. Say hello to me. Let's go. Dear Dr. Shima, you are very welcome. We want to cover a section that has not been covered before, at least not in Persian society in the way it should be covered. The main topic of masturbation,

1:32 and you won't believe it. In the 2 years that I have been on Persian social networks, there have been 560 requests about Rezaei Go. That's why you came and made the effort. We want to have a very frank conversation from the perspective of science, from the perspective of psychiatry and psychology. That's great, thank you for telling me to come and not to worry about that because we are doctors and we are generally used to speaking frankly about these issues in the medical community and being at my service. You said it very well. Let me give you an example. I have a good friend who I have n't seen in 20 years. We

2:19 were together in high school. He was very bright. This bright-minded boy was really bright. And one day I was telling him that we are very sensitive to different issues. For example, if we see someone's urine, we say, "Oh," but when a doctor sees this, he says, " This feces means it's very dissolved." For someone who, for example, is in an exam, exactly that's why I asked you to come. Doctor, could you give me an explanation of why humans masturbate? We can start from the history of the eye to say where this came from. The word masturbation is interesting. Now in Persian and Arabic, it obviously means satisfying oneself and pleasing that person. Its English root is

3:08 masturbation. It actually comes from the word "manu" meaning hand and "stoprir" meaning unclean, dirty, meaning something that was considered unclean in the past. And it's very interesting that the research they did on the fetus in the womb Mother also saw a case of masturbation in her and we have masturbation in babies, meaning it starts from the newborn period, as the statistics in the research they did, because there is not very accurate research, but it says that under 20 weeks, an infant masturbates 5 to 40 times a day.

3:55 Now, the way they masturbate is different for its own reasons, which you can explain if you want. And this continues until adulthood. And the reason why they do this is that from the newborn period, it seems like they are exploring their bodies, and then when they do this, they feel pleasure when they touch them. And if you punish them too much at that moment and make them feel ashamed, this will continue until adulthood. And if you treat them badly and distract them from other parts of the body, this will continue normally and will continue occasionally in adulthood. This is the root of it. Now, if there is an answer in animals? Yes, yes, it is in animals

4:43 and they have done a lot of experiments in the fields, but in humans, it is very common in infants and children and infancy in general. And so many parents come to me worried that, for example, we saw a child like this and they feel bad because in our culture, after all, it is something that is unacceptable and we say, well, no, this is part of the evolution process, as long as it is not in the public domain, it is secret and not excessive, it is an evolutionary island. The reality of this podcast, this clear conversation, I don't say podcast, this clear conversation, because it is really a conversation, it is going in a very specific direction.

5:30 Oh, I mean, now it is our duty to provide awareness, but my audience is growing with it. I mean, these conversations that you were having, I was thinking at the moment I was listening to you, I was thinking that now many people are looking at me and saying, wow, how much is this, what you are saying, a child, for example, a newborn, a fetus, when this is a reality that exists. Yes, now if we are aware of it, we will be very Things will get better until it's him and we say, "No, no Yes, I mean, as much as we say that

6:17 masturbation exists and is not abnormal in some way, okay, not masturbating is also normal. I mean, many people suppress it. When I was in the pediatric ward, I had a teenager. I never forget that he would come and ask me how I should masturbate. I said, "Well, why are you saying such a thing?" He would say, " Because everyone tells me that it's abnormal that you didn't masturbate. No, it's not like everyone should have it. But the statistics are that 94 percent of men masturbate at least once in their lives and 60 percent of women masturbate once. But if someone doesn't, as long as it's not due to sexual repression, there's nothing wrong with that. But

7:05 if he has a tendency to do it and suppresses it because he feels ashamed, that's what will cause problems for him in the future. It will cause sexual problems for him. What does suppression mean? Repression means having sexual needs. He does n't have a partner and he likes to do this, but because of religious issues, because of the guilt he felt from childhood that he was a bad person, or because of the fear of the consequences, which are now very much not true, he does n't do it. And this repression later affects his sexual relations with his partner. That is, that feeling of shame seems to have become internalized and is transferred there as well.

7:52 Then a point comes to mind. I don't want to interrupt you, and I know that if I don't say it now, it will be easier later. So when you said the consequences, because I heard a lot that they say you will go blind, what other things did you hear? Look, I heard some things. Well, I worked in different places. I spent some time in Sistan and Baluchestan. It's very interesting to me how different the cultures and views on these issues are. I worked in Tehran, in Sistan and Baluchestan, in the north, and now that I'm in Dubai, the views are very different. Someone came there and told me that palm hair would cause me to lose palm hair. Someone said it causes mental retardation. My brother actually

8:38 became mentally [ __ ] because of this. While one of the characteristics of the mentally [ __ ] is that they masturbate a lot. Some people say it causes blindness, poor eyesight, which I think you've heard a lot about. Then there's short stature, not reaching puberty. I don't know. Back pain, leg pain, all of these things. Finally, yes, it's interesting. It's very interesting. What you're saying is, "Oh my God, of course, this discussion is about marital problems and sexual problems. In fact, it's sex therapy. But, oh my God, I used to

9:37 tell him that I'm very passionate about sex. I have a sexual desire. But because my wife doesn't want to, I take a cold shower every time. And when you said suppression, that's a kind of suppression. That's exactly what I mean. It's a kind of suppression. Now, he has to come and solve that problem. Let's see where it comes from. And now, a very clear example of suppression is religious men, which we've seen a lot in Iran. Well, they don't get married, they get into a relationship with a partner, and they have erection problems in that relationship. After you do a little research, we first send them to a urologist to see if there is an organic problem or not, or if there is a physical problem. Then we saw that he didn't have it and they referred him to me and then we saw that he was feeling so guilty about the fact that the person he was with wasn't his wife and now he was having sex. And then when we went through a little bit of analytical psychotherapy with him, we saw that once when he was masturbating, he hadn't taken any action yet.

10:23 In fact, his parents had seen him, his mother had seen him, and she had told him and they had severely suppressed it, saying that you are a bad person, you have done a lot of sins and God will not forgive you. And every time he wanted to have sex with that partner, he would get this feeling and it would actually manifest itself in the form of erection problems or erectile dysfunction. And one thing I forgot to say is that you are also a sex therapist. What is Persian for treating sexual problems? When you talk, is that your specialty? Yes, yes,

11:09 is it too much? Let me ask you frankly, is masturbation scientifically, psychologically, or psychologically? Let's talk about it later. I wonder if it has a bad effect on the body scientifically? If it is of a certain amount, we cannot determine its amount. It varies depending on each person's testosterone level and sexual desire level. But if it is of an appropriate amount for that person and is not obsessive, not accompanied by feelings of shame, and accompanied by aggressive actions that cause pain, it should be a series of strange and age-appropriate actions. That is, for example, if a

11:55 child is not imitating adults, it is considered normal, and the reality is that there is no specific order to the body. Unless I'm saying that if you do it too much at the same time, it will cause dehydration and weakness, if not, it won't be a problem, but I'm emphasizing that it's a lot because the research that was done is very new. If it's 70 minutes, I'd say 70 minutes. Men who masturbate 7 hours a week have a lot of sexual problems. What are the problems? 7 hours a week. If a man

12:40 does this, 7 hours a week, he has a 70% chance of developing sexual disorders. 30 of these sexual disorders are erectile dysfunction, and the rest are delayed ejaculation. Now, they just gave him a number like that for now. But to say no, it should be that much a day or something. And the most important factor is that they say it should be at a level that doesn't cause problems in your daily life, meaning it shouldn't be a concern for you, it should n't be extreme, to the point that you, for example, are preoccupied with the fact that I have to go home and do this now. And we really have a lot of these models that have completely disrupted their work, if it doesn't cause dysfunction, like

13:25 We don't have any problems with all psychiatric disorders, and it's interesting that, sorry, I talked too much, tell me to relax. In children, that is, childhood masturbation or self-mutilation in children is not considered a disorder at all. That means, in the latest version of psychiatry, it is not considered a disorder at all. It's part of the evolution process, and only those that are excessive and in public, after the age of 5. Because up until the age of 5, if it's in the classroom, it's okay. After 5 years of age, it is a disorder that needs to be investigated. No, it is a clear and obvious disorder. We posted a post this morning with

14:12 dear Dr. Mohsa. I asked them very hard. I said, "Is sex okay when a woman is on her period?" I saw that yes, it was a question. And what a beautiful scientific opinion he explained. It was really a one-and-a-half-minute educational type. And I was curious because I like to know the audience's opinion. I saw that most of them liked it. One of them wrote, "Be ashamed." Another wrote, " Shhshhshh, yeah, don't worry." And I was saying, "Why did you see that we were wrong? I didn't come to your family and tell them, "Everyone come." Yes, your father, your mother, come yourself. Come. Your child, come. I want to tell you this. This is on your phone. You can look at it or not. And this is what you are talking about. Because this is a

14:59 very sensitive issue, Ms. Doctor. Yes, they have been asking me for 2 years and I haven't told them once whether it's okay or not. Yes, because if I told them, it's okay in 30 seconds. Yes, you would see the same explanation that you are seeing now. Where is it? If I tell them it's not good, then they have their own stories, and three, well, it's not my expertise, which is exactly why I'm emphasizing to you, let me give you an explanation in this sentence. This is very interesting. I also agree that a few things have become normalized now, and of course, this is now a political thing, completely. And look, in the past, it was very quiet. For a while, it became like this, so

15:46 forgive everything. What now, all the issues, for example, issues of sexual deviations, issues such as, let's say, trisomy, these, I mean, forgive, has it become too much or has it become too much talk? The talk has become so much that I have clients who are, for example, 19 years old, and their gender identity has not yet been formed that you can say they are homosexual or, for example, I am queer. And it has become like this that, for example, in the office, sometimes they tell me that the doctor, you have been talking about our partner for an hour now, you say he is not a boy, he is a girl. That means that you do not even have the right to judge me, that no, that we do not judge, that you do not have the right to be surprised at all or to ask questions about him, that is, this is

16:32 all over, this is because of the media and now some political things have really gone crazy, and we are not saying here that masturbation is good or bad. We are saying that it is an evolutionary process, that is, we have said this evolutionary process in a beautiful sentence, as you said, you can suppress it, whatever you suppress is mostly done in secret and with more dangerous things, but when you see it right, you say the right way, that is, see this is yes, but in a normal, obsessive way, not with porn, with a lot of Porn shouldn't be involved. Well, this is much better than saying that there should be no masturbation at all. Well, it's not. It's part of the biological and genetic characteristics of humans. Yes, that's why I

17:19 asked if it's in animals. Yes, I mean, when it's in animals, we can't see it in you, in a newborn. It's in the fetus. It's very interesting. Yes, and those who, for example, have a 14-year-old boy and a 15- or 16-year-old girl. These are the facts. Yes, this is it. You can turn it over and over. And the moment you realize that, you'll throw the earth and time together. Exactly. Or can you deal with it scientifically? Do they bring the children to you? Yes, you made a hint. Yes, yes, and that's exactly it. That is, if you punish them, you'll actually intensify that behavior in them . If you tell children, especially

18:05 hyperactive children, not to do this, whether you punish them or encourage them, it doesn't matter. That brain pathway in their mind is strengthened. It means that they know that they are getting attention from you by doing this. The best way is that if you see a child doing this, first of all, if it is in secret, we always tell them this. And quite often, they bring the children to me and the mother is crying. When I opened the door to my child's room, I saw that, for example, he was having a bowel movement and started screaming and fighting and so on. Or some people really come and say, " What should we do? We have this problem. We had a lot of people in Tehran who said, 'Well, now you tell me what should we do if he is doing it in secret.' And really, if you have seen him once, how

18:51 many times have you seen him? First of all, it is better not to go into too much detail before puberty because the child likes it. But from puberty, if you have a child, you should talk to him about it. And it is better Let's not focus too much on this issue. Always minimize a behavior by reducing attention to that behavior. Whatever you reduce your attention to, you see that behavior. Even children see it a lot when they do something bad. They don't get your attention. They give up and then you draw their attention to other things. And if you talk about it in puberty, about sexually transmitted diseases, about risky sex, about these things, don't let them become obsessive. About not looking at too much porn, because it has really

19:38 been proven that it is very harmful. This helps a lot for that child to have a normal sex life. And don't doubt that if you were shocked when you saw the child in this state, you yourself were scared or scared. That behavior in the child will continue in a much worse form until adulthood, and these are the consequences of these many prophecies that we are seeing. What good points you made. One thing I took away from your conversation is that, of course, we're talking about a box. The first is that the discussion of porn and masturbation is separate. Yes, yes, it 's not like we're saying that if masturbation is

20:24 natural, then looking at the camera has its own costs. Yes, now we get to that and two, masturbation addiction is the next one. Yes, yes, exactly, extreme. It disrupts daily life and involves violent and unusual actions. Yes, because many people, for example, send me messages. They are kind. It really means a lot to me that, for example, they write to me about their main concerns, and I read them as much as possible on Instagram. Because it is information that helps us guide them better. Many people say, for example, [ __ ] [ __ ]. They also say [ __ ]. It is common in Iran. This is [ __ ]. Yes, [ __ ], help me. My father has made me feel guilty.

21:14 Why do they feel guilty? Psychologically, yes, in terms of religion, it has a huge impact. Another thing that is very interesting is that men should see that being in the presence of a woman causes the release of dopamine in men. Testosterone activates a man, elevates him, and makes him feel very good. When a man masturbates instead of having a partner, he feels like his masculinity has diminished. That is, that emotional feeling that comes with it, because it's not just about sexual issues and reaching orgasm . A major part of it is that you have achieved with your partner, the lady, and that emotional bonding is the

22:02 next thing that is very attractive, and you are getting this from that person, and that is that it feels very bad, but again, it has religious roots, because I am a religious person myself, not a traditional culture. This is ugly. Well, I will say it is ugly. In the community, it is better than in the community at all. It is abnormal if it is done, but it is a crime. It is a crime. And I say it is not normal for a child over 5 years old. He should be taught that this behavior is a behavior that should be done in secret. But this causes them to feel guilty and how much it ruins relationships. Doctor, I will say it again because I had prepared it myself. For

22:51 example, today, he went to his wife's place and he was so involved in masturbation that when his wife returned, instead of being excited, he was cold or whatever. This is what I am talking about with boys, because unfortunately, in this era, children watch hentai until they want to. It 's Iranian, yes, and the same saying that sex lasts 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Yes, when you come down from climax, it's beautiful. As you say, the moment when you are with your partner is quiet, the embrace is calm, it feels good. And so someone who is addicted to masturbation, yes, no, will never have it. Yes, yes, and usually, masturbation that

23:37 comes with porn, this state that you are talking about, meaning that his wife is not happy when she comes back, is because of that masturbation that is caused by porn. We'll get to that now. That's a very important topic for us. And this normal masturbation that now, for example, because they don't have a partner or don't have a partner, they do this because it also has a good thing. It's a little good in that it prevents risky sexual relations. For someone who doesn't have a partner, I say occasionally and infrequently, and in that sense, it's okay. But someone who is married has a partner, and even if he has a problem, he should come and solve his problem, why is he having it? For example, he doesn't enjoy sex, why? He has to

24:23 masturbate, which is 99% due to porn addiction, which they see as a strange standard, and it no longer satisfies them. And in confirmation of what you are saying, the bonding that you are saying is, look at the physiology of the body, it is very beautifully created, it is very interesting. During sex, before sex, testosterone peaks. After sex, prolactin and oxytocin become sour. Prolactin and oxytocin suppress testosterone, the hormone of love, and in fact, intimacy and those emotional relationships. And this is all because when the male sex

25:11 impregnates a woman, whether in animals or in humans, this sexual desire comes down with another person, and that person can protect his wife and child, and he no longer has the desire to have sex, and now he has that emotional bond. That is why it is very interesting. Some people who do not want to deviate from the norm, I will just say this part, saying that as soon as we had sex with Our partner has become cold after, say, a year or after a while. Women say this, but it's not about having sex with just anyone. I don't mean about a relationship. It's about a relationship where the emotional relationship has reached a certain point before. This increases the emotional bond. Because the hormone

25:56 prolactin has been secreted. Now, there's no need to have sex with anyone else. And when you masturbate a lot, prolactin is constantly secreted. So testosterone gradually decreases, meaning the sexual desire to have sex with your partner or your wife decreases. Now, what happens to that prolactin? Where does that oxytocin go? It goes after an emotional bond with a bunch of virtual people that you don't see at all, and this is what happens when the relationship deteriorates due to excessive masturbation and porn. So why do so many people post videos on YouTube ? They don't even have an age. Yes, then he comes and looks at me like this and says, " Stop masturbating and be ashamed, you can succeed ." Masturbation has caused you to

26:42 lose your self-esteem, I don't know. Masturbation has caused you to buy crypto instead of walking away with your success . In the midst of everything that is happening and this is what the kids are looking at and when I see this I say well this is a boy doctor you have seen your expertise is much more than me I am telling the messages just after the episode we had with dear Dr. Mohsa aired last week the other person says I am 34 years old I have not had sex yet I am 39 years old I have not been with a woman so there were a lot of these stories so what you are saying is that now in society and Iranian society I don't mean everywhere everyone yes there has been a lack of restraint and again immodesty

27:30 moral perspective they don't call it moral discussion because it is always debatable yes in terms of what you said risky behavior yes I should sleep with anyone I can exactly I want variety someone told me I said aren't you married he said no my wife is the main dish I want dessert now the thing that makes a person cry how much you are I think it has become embedded in society with salt and fan and this unfortunately and this is what you said van Nightstand Sam Foursome I don't know Changing partners Whatever they call it Well, the person who is 20, 21, 20, let's say she's 16, has a sexual need Yes, she has three choices to choose from

28:17 One, suppress it later, pay for it Two, go with someone who is risky Now either give money or find her on the street Or masturbate Otherwise, she says it's nothing else No and well I or get married and see the consequences later Four, good marriage This is the worst of all Well done Someone had written that God forbid you get married to satisfy your sexual need Yes Yes and a lot of this in some families Well very I'm not saying that everyone gets married early Marriage is because of sexual need Especially in men It's terrible That means later it suddenly passes and they see that this woman wasn't their type What happened Then we went high testosterone and between the ages of 16 and 20 testosterone is at its peak

29:03 And really if masturbation is not done Well it can have a lot of consequences I'm telling you now We have people who don't masturbate either. It depends on their testosterone level. It depends on how much they can control it or not. I don't know about that part, but that's exactly what he's saying. Great. Let's move on to porn. Pornographic films. Yes, this is a very interesting discussion. You could explain everything that comes to your mind. Yes, okay. They ask us a lot about

29:51 porn. It's very popular now. It used to be less in women. Now, it's as much in women as in men. And the fact is that now I have a separate book, for example, about pornography. It's very nice. They collected all the porn cases. It's interesting. These are all people who have had porn experience and wrote their opinions. After a while, they actually stopped watching porn. And the fact is that its side effects are much more than you thought. They used to say that porn is okay, meaning it's good because it improves sexual relations. That was when we were general practitioners. I remember that. In residency, for example, I used to hear from our residents that it makes sexual relations better, because of this you learn better methods, and okay, then it became a little

30:37 worrying, but everyone said that now it's a virtual thing that can't replace reality, but for a while now, because of economic and political issues and these, and the issue that I don't know much about Jordan Peterson and how much they listen to him, I don't really accept it, and it's very interesting because the policy is generally to make men weaker, lower testosterone, this is in the interest of society, less everyone with high testosterone is not very beneficial, it's not in the interest of society, and the best way to lower testosterone is porn games and these are things that we are seeing a lot, exactly, and now it has become very dangerous because with one click you

31:25 see all kinds of things at the same time, and it has become very dangerous. Now you say Mr. Jordan Peters, I happen to watch his podcast, he's a bit of a dinosaur, but he talks a lot. Okay, I'm saying it in general, but it's not my specialty now. Consider a 30-year-old man. Yes, 60 years ago. 60 years ago, he was 30. How many women could he have seen? Exactly, less than 20 in his lifetime. Exactly, exactly. And now, at that time, the porn magazine game wasn't pornographic, but now he's looking at the same amount as he used to. It's over. Now, an 8-year-old boy

32:12 just needs my phone. If he doesn't have it, he has his dad's phone. And as many as 1 million people who were 0 in 2030, different models. Now, because we're talking about boys, we're talking about seeing different women. Exactly. And one of the challenges we have these days is to say, "Daddy, this is not intellectual. Don't think that if you know an actor now, let me tell you, a few years ago, one of our singers was our singer, not their singer. These are not our singers. He's very famous, and a lot of kids watch him. In one of his videos, a certain porn star. He had brought it.

32:58 Yes, yes, I know. And everyone says why do people have a problem with this guy? Peach, look at what's going on. You really need to bring in a porn star, the most famous porn star. In the video that the family sees, the child sees, and we get to a point where the children have access to it, they watch it, and they get addicted, and their relationships are ruined. I would appreciate it if you could talk a little bit about how porn affects our brains psychologically. Before I say that, if you let me, it was very interesting. I want to say something about those porn magazines that you were talking about. By

33:45 the way, it was a long time ago when there were magazines, and these were much better because the other person had to go and get the magazine, get the video. It was a negative reward. He was embarrassed. He was suppressed. He had to repeat this behavior less. Now it's all positive rewards. That is, the person sitting at home is hitting, watching. No one tells him why. Nowhere is it mentioned at all. It's always a positive reward. And hey, this behavior is reinforced. It's possible, and one more thing you said before about the person on YouTube who said, "Don't masturbate, go exercise." It's true, you're wrong. But to be honest, in this situation, where I think too much enlightenment has taken hold

34:32 and everyone says nothing matters, maybe extreme here will make society a little more tolerant, that is, it's better here. At least if it's possible, if yes, take it a little bit beyond that limit. And when it comes to brain pathways, porn is exactly like cocaine, and because we say cocaine is one of those substances that gets you high very quickly, it reaches its peak effect in about half an hour and comes down very quickly, and that's why it's so addictive. Something that gets you up slowly and brings you down slowly is less addictive. It creates a high level of dopamine . Taking large doses releases the same level

35:18 of dopamine in the brain, and when you have that level of dopamine released in your brain, after a very short period of time the neurons get used to that level of dopamine. Now they want more dopamine to taste that pleasure. That means, first of all, they tasted a pleasure that was indescribable at first, and now they have become accustomed to it, now something more, now something worse, and hey, they introduce new stimulants to reach that initial dopamine. This is what addiction means. And I was sick, I remembered now that he was in America, now he had come to Tehran, he had been temporarily hospitalized for a short time due to cocaine addiction, but in reality it was an addiction to porn, and he was telling me, "

36:05 Doctor, don't you know how much harder porn addiction is than nicotine and heroin? Sorry, it's cocaine." I mean, he said, I put those two things aside very easily, but I can't give up porn. I want to tell you that it gives a person high dopamine levels. And after a while, you need newer things. And to be honest, a lot of sexual deviations come from here. We have a lot of people who say, "We are gay, trisexual," now it's part of this. They say trisexuality is part of the natural part. And they say, "For political reasons, for a while, homosexuality was not a disorder at all. Now I

36:51 don't call homosexuality a transgender disorder. Now it's becoming a disorder again. Not all of it. Now these are separate issues. I want to say that he would come and say, "I'm gay, later we would see that because his brain is so used to seeing porn with the opposite sex, now different types, now he wants something higher, and then when he becomes more careful with his porn, we know that this is not homosexual at all, and I do n't reject homosexuality as a stable part. Their identities don't matter to them, but the truth is, I can say that even most people

37:41 find their desires for sex addiction and porn addiction, for example, BDSM and gays, because once they reach their ceiling, something new is no longer useful to them. The brain says, "I want more dopamine," which means I want a higher stimulation, so that I can actually perform that previous dopamine for you. They also tried something with rats. They put a male and a female rat in a cage, and at first, the male rat would constantly have sex with the female rat. After a while, the female rat would go to him, but he didn't want to and didn't show any sexual desire at all. Then, removing this female rat and putting in another female rat, the tendency returned. Then, after they came to put the material, that tendency returned a lot

38:27 . This means that the brain gets used to a process in this way. Great, and a servant of God would say that if one day I make a bad movie, I would n't be so upset that the search wasn't full. So, enjoy this. It's over. As you said, you want something new. Exactly. You said something very nice about instant gratification. That means I don't do anything, I get pleasure, and in return, we have degratification, something that you have to work hard for. Wait, for example, how many years did you study? 7 years of general education, 2 years of 4 years of specialization, 2 years of now I spent the sexology course in Rome separately.

39:15 15 years. 15 years. 15 years. You struggled. 15 years. You studied. You didn't go to parties. You didn't travel. You woke up in the morning with a good feeling. You went to university with a professor you didn't like. You studied with that classmate you didn't want. You waited for the other things that you know better. Now you become a complete psychiatrist. Yes, this will be a degratification. And in memory of those who are still teaching, I am still teaching. Wherever I make mistakes, because it is a matter of psychology and we use it in education. And I tell my children, I always give this as an example. I say, consider a surgeon. How much effort he puts in. He waits. He waits. He waits. He spends the

40:01 best part of his life, his 20s, when he can dance happily. He goes north. He goes to Bali. He goes to study because he wants to. At 40, I am a surgeon. I save other people's lives. I make a lot of money. My life is stagnant. Well, my family is proud of me. When we come, I talk more to boys now. Don't take this pleasure from yourself that you can't go after someone. Exactly, exactly, it's more boys now. And I'll say it again. They talk to foreign kids because they're very comfortable with me. They say that we've never talked to a girl before. We 're classmates. We're friends. We rarely go out. You

40:47 see, for example, I say, "We should go to the movies on Thursday." And this thing that Mr. Jordan Peterson says a lot has become so popular in society with the help of social media and this wrong mindset that boys don't even want to have girls anymore. Now, I'm talking about boys. They don't want to go out because they're embarrassed. I say, "I like you. This is your number." What was it like back when we were in bowling? I don't remember. I still remember. The girl gave me her number. I'm still proud. For example, because the other choice is to go. You open your phone and look at the room full of people. It will definitely ruin the relationship. Taking a shortcut is like taking a shortcut.

41:34 This is really bad. The nature of men is to hunt. It means that it is really interesting. You know, the dopamine that is secreted from trying to have sex in men is secreted more than sex itself. It means that the nature of men is to seek, to try, to get people, to get that person. And that is why taking a shortcut is not happy. Men are not happy. You know, it means that they are all miserable. You said that men can say that animals in general are because I look at them. I look at them with a lot of desire for survival. Yes, that is absolutely true. They are all hunters. Well, for men, we say that now, in relation to women, testosterone is essentially hunting. That is why young

42:22 men came. For example, in ancient times, kings used those who had high testosterone. They sent them to conquer countries. They used this. Testosterone has now become so weak that maybe it's for the same reasons, I don't know. The truth is that testosterone is very useful for men. I mean, it's an interesting thing. Now I remember. You see, the problem that's very common now, because I do couple therapy very well, is that many men become estrogenized. I'm not saying all of them, but a lot of them become princesses, and women, on the other hand, become very masculine, and both are unhappy.

43:07 You see, jumping actually changes a man's personality because one of the characteristics of being a testosterone provider. That is, crying for support creates security. Creating a well-being is something that both the man and the woman enjoy, and it doesn't matter what level of education, career, or financial status the woman has. A woman enjoys a man's support. Now I do n't mean just money, it's everything. And when testosterone goes down, those men can't have this personality. Well, a woman who is even a little bit intelligent won't accept them, and that man becomes brittle. He has a feeling of being unwanted by society. He does n't want anyone because of the things he saw in the bird. He doesn't see any reason to try. It's

43:55 pointless for him to try. While it's against his hormonal system and his innate system, it's very bad. And now for women, it's different. The head of a male polar bear has a bone in his penis. He doesn't know it. Every time I hope he hasn't made a mistake, it's in my mind. And every time he has sex, that bone breaks. It means he suffers a lot. He has to accept it, which most of the time I don't accept. They have more choices. There are females or, for example, many birds. There must be a bird. Everyone saw it in the forest for two or three weeks, cleaning the ground. He comes and picks wood,

44:43 a beautiful design, and waits for an animal, not a fellow animal, to come and see this, to see how clean it is, to see how beautiful it is, to say, " Oh, this is beautiful, it is very, very, very attractive." I mean, they are good for both sexes, that is, see from there. Now, we are telling men, give it to women in a different way. Women who don't really like that physical sex, in the dream, don't get addicted to it. They get addicted to the story that leads to sex. They get addicted to it. In fact, they find security, love, security. And now, what is the bad effect

45:29 that their bright light has? They compare themselves to those women, which is not right at all . It's a strange set of standards that have been edited first. What we see is not the reality, let it be the reality. That's their job, and I want to tell you that not everyone in that 1D is supposed to be perfect. They start performing surgeries. Constantly wearing heavy makeup. They constantly compete to be no less than them and they have very low self-confidence. For example, suppose now, there are many more cosmetic doctors than us. Yes, you know that this is important. Yes, while it is not very important here. Suddenly, my mind went to Mr. Sheikh Hassan Sabah. I did

46:18 n't want to interrupt you and I did n't want to say the wrong thing. That's why I cheated. I asked him about his intelligence and he said, yes, Sheikh Hassan Sabah, 14040 AD, 100 years ago, he used drugs and women to make a group of his warriors feel like they were going to go and do the murders and assassinations that he wanted to do, which the Assassins call them, I think, the Alamut Castle. And that's exactly it. He took the other side to a place where these hormones that are secreted are at the service of the other

47:03 side. How interesting. Yes, that's what I said. Well, now there are many people who are enlightened. Sorry. I want this, I don't want it. We're going to break it up now. I hate it. Don't interrupt me. Okay, okay, my mistakes. There are many. I said something bad. There are many who look at each other with their wives or husbands. Oh, and they pay attention to them, and this ultimately takes them to other places. Do you have an explanation? Yes, but I had this problem myself, and it's interesting that I didn't have it in the educated class, meaning it's more in the class with a high level of culture and

47:50 education. Unfortunately, it's more common. I don't know. Now, it's because I think that this is okay. And now, I don't really know where it comes from. Most of this tendency is from women. I'm not saying that all men do it. What I saw and read about is that women do it because they're trying to keep that man. They feel that they have to do anything. Usually, those who trust their lower selves do it to keep that man. They say, " Okay, whatever he says, it's okay." They give in to anything. Because I'm saying that for a woman, this monopoly is very important. Being unique

48:37 in that man's eyes is very important. And if a woman is willing to not do this, it's not in her nature. Unless she has a specific disorder, for example, bipolar disorder, or is in a high mood phase. Yes, if not, a normal woman doesn't want this. Unfortunately, this Then she gets a strange anger towards that man. I'll tell you an example. I think it would be interesting. A lady, a dentist, came to me several years ago. She came to my room. A very beautiful 40-year-old woman, a dentist, had studied both architecture and dentistry. She was a very personable lady. She said, " I fell in love with a man who is 22 years old and we've

49:23 been friends for a year now. It's been a week and I'm very upset. So far, I said, "It's okay. Let's try not to be judgmental. And that's great. Well, that's over." They went outside and suddenly a man came in. A man, for example, 47 years old, came in. He said, "Doctor, I'm your colleague and I'm a specialist in a certain field and I'm his wife." Again, I said, "Well, probably the doctor doesn't know. It's okay. We won't tell. It's confidential." So what happened between us and the patient? Then they said, "Doctor, do you know?" I said, "What did you say?" She was in love with a boy. My

50:10 son was fine. Everything was okay with them. But suddenly, she left. He left. Now I called my son and talked to him. I don't know what happened. The lady had suicidal thoughts. I just sat there for a while to analyze and see what happened. I was sitting there, writing up the case file. Now, this has nothing to do with me. I'll give her medicine for now. Let's take her to our psychologist. And this time, it was a girl in the fifth grade. I remember exactly. You said, " Madam, you're talking about a picture." I said, "Who is this?" He said, "My mom's boyfriend," I said, " What's going on? We don't talk to anyone on the phone. No, come on. It

50:55 was like this. Later, when I talked to my teacher about it, he was my teacher's regular patient. He said, "The whole thing started from here. This man brought this partner as a sex worker. He wanted a threesome as a sexual partner. He forced the woman to do it. After a while, the woman fell in love with that man. And the husband threatened, 'If you go with this man, I 'll ruin your reputation.' That's what the whole thing was. It has to be a threesome. I want this. Now, I've said all this to say that this woman is not like that at all. She went there in her nature and had this relationship. She fell in love with that one person. She had a strong anger towards

51:43 her husband and she really wasn't interested anymore. And yes, she is. Now, I don't know if I answered you or not. My answer is very detailed. I was shaking with shock here, wondering what else I want. But now, in another part, when we talk about marital problems, I have another question. I'm asking you, so to get back to our discussion, porn, porn, so it gets people there, even if it's between couples, yes, exactly, exactly, and at all, if you put porn on during sex or if you're married and you want to watch porn all the time, it's completely harmful and you can completely say it's a disorder and an addiction to porn, and I'll

52:32 tell you something, it has very interesting side effects. For example, you quit cocaine, and after a while everything gets better, you're encouraged to continue quitting, despite the severe withdrawal symptoms. Porn is not porn. When you quit, you take away a series of things that you don't know were due to the porn itself, and you come back again because they disappear. We have something called the temporary death phase, translated into Persian because I'm going to say Persian, like this: after that, that erection or ejaculation of the penis doesn't happen for a while, and that guy

53:17 gets so anxious, so many feelings. He pretends he's not a man anymore and he feels bad that he quickly turns to porn. While that phase is temporary, we should say that it will go away, but the sexual dysfunction caused by porn can really continue permanently. Now, if you want, I'll tell you about the physical side effects of porn later. You know, Doctor, I've been out of Iran for 1 year and 32 years, and I think a lot. I'm independent in my thinking. I think people will say later, "What were you thinking? I'm not religious at all. I'm not religious at all. I'm not really traditional either. But when I hear a few things in conversations, I say, "How good it is that

54:03 sometimes the internet is censored. For example, if porn is available, why should an 11- or 12-year-old have access to it? And this is what happens in Europe and America. Yes, now it is possible that they have restricted that network. They say they put a child lock on the family, but on his phone, on his friend's phone at school, even if it is not locked, it means that there are places that are not really intellectual. Exactly, I have a friend who came from Canada with his children to Dubai. I asked him why he came. He said that they did not send my children to school there on Thursdays because there was sex education on Thursdays and they insisted on telling these children that if you doubt your identity, it is okay. An 8-9 year old child doubts everything

54:51 and this porn issue really needs to be taken seriously. Now, if someone wants to slowly avoid porn and quit, what is the solution? Because you said it is very difficult. Very difficult. Yes, first, they need to know the side effects of quitting. The side effects of quitting. Well, they get bored, they get tired, they get depressed, they get a temporary state of mind. This sexual disorder develops, which is very dangerous. It comes back and there is no alternative activity. They do not know what to do. They have medication. First, it is very easy with medication. These side effects of quitting are similar to quitting, which means they have to go to you. Come on, yes, it's the same as quitting. For example, suppose alcohol is the same as quitting cocaine. There is medication. First, the first stage is

55:39 to quit smoking. We give medication to quit smoking. Then there is medication to prevent it. That is, to reduce the urge that you have to come back. This part of the medication is the next thing. It should be what makes that person go to our therapist. You know what the problem is now. The problem is in their relationship. They have a problem with depression. They have obsessions because obsessions are very common. They have IDHD. They have IDHD. They get addicted to porn. Or they have anxiety. This is a way to reduce their anxiety. Or in children,

56:24 emotional deprivations. For example, if someone's parents get divorced or another child is born, the attention goes to that child. Or someone who is bullied by their peers at school. Or someone who, for example, is being ignored in any way. Now, no, not ignoring. Obviously, you are very easy on the child. Those things that we don't mean by ignoring are not ignoring. It takes finding these things and treating them, and when they are fixed, gradually the tendency towards porn will decrease. And raising awareness and seeing how this works for men, I tell this to my male clients a lot because for men, a good sexual erection is a feature that is very important to them and they

57:13 feel very powerful with it. Sorry, I'm saying this, it's rude because the audience is people who, for example, go to the men's bathroom and when they urinate, the one who makes a lot of noise, for example, I didn't know that very well, I'm serious, no one has said this, God, it's very interesting, and this case is very interesting to see, for example, a patient comes to the hospital, now you said this, is he hospitalized, he has 100 problems, he has psychosis, he is 60 years old, sir, we came with misfortune, we controlled his psychosis with 10 drugs, now all that means is something absolutely terrible, we shocked him, the only question he is asking is whether he has sexual side effects, this means I want to tell you that dad, you were

58:00 saved from death, now let it go, I want to say that this issue is very important to them, nature is dead, and in general one of the reasons they go to the feather is this nature, and we will explain that the feather in the long term and its addictive nature causes erection disorders, due to permanent low testosterone, delayed ejaculation, and it completely disrupts the function of sperm and the function of the penis. It disrupts and only temporarily. It's exactly like someone coming to say, "I took cocaine, my mood came up." Well, your mood came up now. But if you use cocaine for 3 months all the time, you'll get

58:46 completely depressed. Your mood will completely fall apart. That's when you get high and that's it. It'll ruin everything. That is, we need to create that motivation in you so that the person decides to put it aside. Because the most important thing in quitting anything is motivation. And if that person wants to give us 100 pills and do 100 things, we can't. When the person comes to me, or whoever else has a problem, they say, "I want you to plan this." I say, "Go," and he says, "Come whenever he wants." I ask, "Did you come to quit now?" He says, " Now, for example, in the future, I say, "Go," whenever you feel that you really have that much motivation. Usually, people who want to get married and have someone, I say, "Come back then." Then you can.

59:33 Because the main thing is to quit, not to me. Now I'll help you with medication. And I can add that now that you said you want to know the reason, what's happening to you that we want to look into? Well, let's not put ourselves in that position. For example, if you think you're alone at home, for example, I say this happens, so don't be alone. Yes, 10. You shouldn't be in those environments. I'm telling you to try to fix your emotional relationships and go towards real people, it's a different kind of obsession . We say to treat obsessions, sir, you have to get used to it. If you want to leave this here, it must be in accordance with that obsession in your mind. Don't tolerate it. Endure the tension that is behind it. This is basically all the treatment methods.

1:00:19 Or we say to treat phobias, go be afraid. Endure it. Endure it. It will cure you. Next time, if you are stressed so much now, your stress level will come next time. That's it. You have the right to do this now. Distract yourself and go do something else. That tension comes down and on the other side, these positive things that other men say to each other, like, " Oh, you didn't see this, for example, this is so-and- so, and for each other." I've seen a lot of men in groups sending each other strange things about getting married, women sending each other, like, "Get out of these groups," and if you don't show a reaction, for example, one of my patients said, "If I don't show a reaction, they'll say, "

1:01:05 Go, dad, what are you doing to so-and-so?" And without that, that criterion is wrong. The criterion is not exactly the criterion of being a man. You really need to get rid of that. Well, look at how many problems we have. One problem is that in society, traditionally, there are certain behaviors that have become established, for example, if a woman passes by, don't say anything to her, throw her a piece. Unfortunately, it's precisely that you look down on the issue of sex when I want it. Now that discussion has become separate, and a new part of it is social networks. Exactly how many people are there? I look at that day. A servant of God showed me his profile and it had 1 million and 200 thousand followers. I was like that, except for the sexual issue, I didn't tell him that he was a woman,

1:01:52 except that I promise you, sir, he had 80 followers. He was a woman, he was n't doing anything bad, but for example, the way he dressed, the way he took pictures, the angle he sat at was to attract attention . They are indirectly instilling this in the children's brains, saying, "This is beautiful, this is true, look at this." And I was there myself. There was a time when a servant of God sent me a film. I sent it to him 15 years ago. Please don't send it to us like this . Not that I want to get rid of it here . I'm really saying this because whoever wants to use it will use it . We don't agree with people on many things . For example, we are driving on the street, not

1:02:38 only do we have no way, we say no, I don't want to give you the road at all. A very simple example. Then, somewhere where the discussion is about your soul and psyche, it's about self-esteem. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be proud of? And that's it. Let's put aside the sidebars and refer to you more, get more help. I hope that more of this type of podcast will be created. We will create it ourselves as a source. Because I always say, one of the comments I always leave in my replies to friends is that you deserve the best. No, I'm sorry for this garbage that you see in different places. I am very grateful to you, sir. Thank you. The discussion was great. Your energy is high. You are cheerful.

1:03:24 Many people use your frankness. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. I am grateful. M.