Man's Search For Meaning full audiobook

0:04 Man's Search for meaning Victor E Frankle presented to you by source code library reading by Nicole to the memory of my mother contents preface by Gordon W or Port preface to the 1984 edition part one experiences in a concent ation Camp part two logo therapy in a nutshell postcript 1984 the case for a tragic optimism Man's Search for meaning by Dr Frankle preface Dr Frankle orthos psychiatrist

0:51 sometimes asks his patients who suffer from a multitude of torments Great and Small why do you not commit suicide from their answers he cannot often find the guideline for his Psychotherapy in one life there is love for one's children to tie to in another life a talent to be used in a third perhaps only lingering memories worth preserving to weave these slender threads of a broken life into a firm pattern of meaning and responsibility is the object and challenge of logo therapy which is Dr frankl's own version of modern existential analysis in this book Dr Frankl explains the experience which led to his discovery of logo therapy as a longtime prisoner in bestial concentration camps he found himself stripped to naked

1:37 existence his father mother brother and his wife died in camps or were sent to the gas ovens so that excepting for his sister his entire family perished in these camps how could he every possession lost every Valley destroyed suffering from Hunger cold and brutality hourly expecting extermination how could he find life worth preserving a psychiatrist who personally has faced such extremity is a psychiatrist worth listening to he if anyone should be able to view our Human Condition wisely and with compassion Dr frankl's words have a profoundly honest ring for they rest on experiences too deep for deception what he has to say gains in

2:23 Prestige because of his present position on the Medical Faculty of the university in Vienna and because of the Renown of the logo therapy clinics that today are springing up in Many Lands patented on his own famous neurological Polyclinic in Vienna one cannot help but compare Victor frankl's approach to Theory and therapy with the work of his predecessor Sigman Freud both Physicians concern themselves primarily with the nature and cure of neurosis Freud finds the root of these distressing disorders in the anxiety caused by conflicting and unconscious motives Frankle distinguishes several forms of neurosis and traces some of them the newgenic neuroses to the failure of the sufferer to find meaning and a

3:10 sense of responsibility in his existence Freud stresses frustration in the sexual life Frankle frustration in the witer meaning in Europe today there is a mark turning away from Freud and a widespread embracing of existential analysis which takes several related forms the school of logo therapy being one it is characteristic of frankl's tolerant Outlook that he does not repudiate Freud but builds gladly on his contributions nor does he quarrel with other forms of existential therapy but welcomes kinship with them the present narrative brief though it is is artfully constructed and gripping on two occasions I have read it through at a single sitting unable to break away from its spell somewhere beyond the midpoint

3:55 of the story Dr Frankle introduces his own philosophy of logotherapy he introduces it so gently into the continuing narrative that only after finishing the book does the reader realized that here is an essay of profound depth and not just one more brutal tale of concentration camps from this autobiographical fragment the reader learns much he learns what a human being does when he suddenly realizes he has nothing to lose except his so ridiculously naked life frankl's description of the mixed flow of emotion and apathy is arresting first to the rescue comes a cold detached curiosity concerning one's fate swiftly two come strategies to

4:41 preserve the remnants of one's life though the chances of surviving are slight hunger humiliation fear and deep anger at Injustice are rendered tolerable by closely guarded images of beloved persons by religion by a grim sense of humor and even by glimpses of the healing beauties of nature a tree or Sunset but these moments of comfort do not establish the will to live unless they help the prisoner make larger sense out of his apparently senseless suffering it is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism to live is to suffer to survive is to find meaning in the suffering if there is a purpose in life at all there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying but no man can

5:27 tell another what this purpose is each must find out for himself and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes if he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities Frankle is fond of quoting n he who has a why to live can bear with almost anyhow in the concentration camp every circumstance conspires to make the prisoner lose his hold all the familiar goals in life are snatched away what alone remains is the L of human freedoms the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances this ultimate Freedom recognized by the ancient stoics as well as by modern existentialists takes on Vivid significance in frankl's Story the

6:13 prisoners were only average men but some at least by choosing to be worthy of their suffering proved man's capacity to rise above his outward fate as a psychotherapist the author of course wants to know how men can be help to achieve this distinctively human capacity how can one awaken in a patient the feeling that he is responsible to life for something however Grim his circumstances may be Frankle gives us a moving account of one Collective theraputic session he held with his fellow prisoners at the Publisher's request Dr Frankle has added a statement of the basic tenets of logo therapy as well as a bibliography up to now most of the publications of this third video School

7:00 of psychotherapy the predecessors being the Freudian and Adan schools have been chiefly in German the reader will therefore welcome Dr frankl's supplement to his personal narrative unlike many European existentialists Frankle is neither pessimistic nor anti-religious on the contrary for a writer who faces Philly the ubiquity of suffering and the forces of evil he takes a surprisingly hopeful view of man's capacity to transcend his predicament and discover an adequate guiding truth I recommend this little book heartily for it is a gem of dramatic narrative focused upon the deepest of human problems it has literary and philosophical Merit and provides a compelling introduction to the most significant psychological movement of

7:46 our day this book has now lived to see its 73rd printing in English in addition to having been published in 19 other languages and the English editions alone have sold almost 2 and a half Mill ion copies these are the dry facts and they may well be the reason why reporters of American newspapers and particularly of American TV stations more often than not start their interviews after listing these facts by exclaiming Dr Frankle your Burke has become a true bestseller how do you feel about such a success whereupon I react by reporting that in the first place I do not at all see in the bestseller status of my book so much an achievement and accomplishment on my part as an expression of the misery of our time if hundreds of thousands of people reach out for a book whose very

8:32 title promises to deal with the question of a meaning to life it must be a question that burns under their fingernails to be sure something else may have contributed to the impact of the book its second theoretical part logo therapy in a nutshell boils down as it were to the lesson one may distill from the first part the autobiographical account experiences in a concentration camp whereas part one serves as the existential validation of my theories thus both parts mutually support their credibility I had none of this in mind when I wrote the book in 1945 and I did so within nine successive days and with the firm determination that the book would be published anonymously in fact the first printing

9:20 of the original German version does not show my name on the cover though at the last moment just before the book's initial publication I did finally give in to my friend who had urged me to let it be published with my name at least on the title page at first however it had been written with the absolute conviction that as an anonymous Opus it could never earn its author literary Fame I had wanted simply to convey to the reader by way of a concrete example that life holds a potential meaning under any conditions even the most miserable ones and I thought that if the point were demonstrated in a situation as Extreme as that in a concentration camp my book might gain a hearing I therefore felt responsible for

10:06 writing down what I had gone through for I thought it might be helpful to people who are prone to Despair and so it is both strange and remarkable to me that among some dozens of books I have authored precisely this one which I had intended to be published anonymously so that it could never build up any reputation on the part of the author did become a success again and again I therefore admonish my students both in Europe and in in America don't aim at success the more you aim at it and make it a Target the more you are going to miss it for Success like happiness cannot be pursued it must ensue and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the byproduct of

10:52 one's surrender to a person other than oneself happiness must happen and the same holds for Success you have to let it happen by not caring about it I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge then you will live to see that in the long run in the long run I say success Will Follow You precisely because you had forgotten to think of it should the following text of this book dear reader give you a lesson to learn from owitz the foregoing text of its preface can give you a lesson to learn from an unintentional bestseller as to this new edition a chapter has been added in order to update the theoretical conclusions of the book drawn from a lecture I gave as

11:37 the honorary president of the Third World Congress of logo therapy in the auditorium maximum of Regensburg University in West Germany June 1983 it now forms the postcript 1984 to this book and is entitled the case for a tragic optimism the chapter addresses present day concerns and how it is possible to say yes to life in spite of all the tragic aspects of human existence to hark back to its title it is hoped that an optimism for our future may flow from the lesson learned from our tragic past experiences in a concentration camp this book does not claim to be an account o facts and events but of personal experiences experiences which

12:22 millions of prisoners have suffered time and again it is the inside story of a concentration camp told by one of its survivors this tale is not concerned with the great Horrors which have already been described often enough though less often believed but with the multitude of small torments in other words it will try to answer this question how was everyday life in a concentration camp reflected in the mind of the average prisoner most of the events described here did not take place in the large and famous camps but in the small ones where most of the real extermination took place this story is not about the suffering and death of great Heroes and martyrs nor is it about the prominent capos prisoners who acted as trustees having

13:08 spile privileges or well-known prisoners thus it is not so much concerned with the sufferings of the mighty but with the sacrifices the crucifixion and the deaths of the great Army of unknown and unrecorded victims it was these common prisoners Who Bore no distinguishing marks on their sleeves whom the capos really despised Ed while these ordinary prisoners had little or nothing to eat the capos were never hungry in fact many of the capos fared better in the camp than they had in their entire lives often they were harder on the prisoners than were the guards and beat them more cruy than the SS men did these capos of course were chosen only from those prisoners whose characters promised to make them suitable for such procedures

13:54 and if they did not comply with what was expected of them they were immediately demoted they soon became much like the SS men and the camp wardens and may be judged on a similar psychological basis it is easy for the outsider to get the wrong conception of Camp life a conception mingled with sentiment and pity little does he know of the hard fight for existence which raged among the prisoners this was an unrelenting struggle for daily bread and for life itself for one's own sake or for that of a good friend let us take the case of a transport which was officially announced to transfer a certain number of prisoners to another camp but it was a fairly safe guess that its final destination would be the gas

14:39 Chambers a selection of sick or feeble prisoners incapable of work would be sent to one of the big Central camps which were fitted with gas Chambers and crematoriums the selection process was the signal for a free fight among all the prisoners or of group against group all that mattered was that one's own name and that of one's friend were crossed off the list of victims though everyone knew that for each man saved another victim had to be found a definite number of prisoners had to go with each transport it did not really matter which since each of them was nothing but a number on their admission to the camp at least this was the method in aitz all their documents had been taken from them together with their other possessions each prisoner therefore had

15:27 had an opportunity to claim a fictive ious name or profession and for various reasons many did this the authorities were interested only in the captives numbers these numbers were often tattooed on their skin and also had to be sewn to a certain spot on the trousers jacket or coat any guard who wanted to make a charge against a prisoner just glanced at his number and how we dreaded such glances he never asked for his name name to return to the Convoy about to depart there was neither time nor desire to consider moral or ethical issues every man was controlled by one thought only to keep himself alive for the family waiting for him at home and

16:14 to save his friends with no hesitation therefore he would arrange for another prisoner another number to take his place in the transport as I have already mentioned the process of selecting capos was a negative one only the most brutal of the prisoners were chosen for this job although there were some happy exceptions but apart from the selection of capos which was undertaken by the SS there was a sort of self- selecting process going on the whole time among all of the prisoners on the average only those prisoners could keep alive who after years of trekking from Camp to Camp had lost all Scruples in their fight for existence they were prepared to use every means honest and otherwise even brutal force theft and bet traal of

16:59 their friends in order to save themselves we who have come back by the aid of many Lucky Chances or Miracles whatever one may choose to call them we know the best of us did not return many factual accounts about concentration camps are already on record here facts will be significant only as far as they are part of a man's experiences it is the exact nature of these experien is that the following essay will attempt to describe for those who have been inmates in a camp it will attempt to explain their experiences in the light of present day knowledge and for those who have never been inside it may help them to comprehend and above all to understand the experiences of

17:45 that only too small percentage of prisoners who survived and who now find life very difficult these former prisoners often say we dislike talking about our experiences no explanations are needed for the those who have been inside and the others will understand neither how we felt then nor how we feel now to attempt a methodical presentation of the subject is very difficult as psychology requires a certain scientific Detachment but does a man who makes his observations while he himself is a prisoner possessor necessary Detachment such Detachment is granted to the outsider but he is too far removed to make any statements of real value only the man inside knows his judgments

18:33 may not be objective his evaluations may be out of proportion this is inevitable an attempt must be made to avoid any personal bias and that is the real difficulty of a book of this kind at times it will be necessary to have the courage to tell a very intimate experiences I had intended to write this book anonymously using my Prison number only but when the manuscript was complet completed I saw that as an anonymous publication it would lose half its value and that I must have the courage to State my convictions openly I therefore refrained from deleting any of the passages in spite of an intense dislike of exhibitionism I shall leave it to others to distill the contents of this book into dry theories these might become a

19:19 contribution to the psychology of prison life which was investigated after the first world war and which acquainted us with the syndrome of barbed wire sickness we are indebted to the second world war for enriching our knowledge of the Psychopathology of the masses if one may quote A variation of the well-known phrase and title of a book by Lebon for the war gave us the war of nerves and it gave us the Concentration Camp as this story is about my experiences as an ordinary prisoner it is important that I mention not without Pride that I was not employed as a psychiatrist in Camp or even as a doctor except for the last few weeks a few of my colleagues were lucky enough to be employed in poorly heated first a posts

20:06 supplying bandages made of scraps of waste paper but I was number 11 19,1 4 and most of the time I was digging and laying tracks for railway lines at one time my job was to dig a tunnel without help for a water M under a road this feat did not go unrewarded just before Christmas 1944 was presented with a gift of so-called premium coupons these were issued by the construction firm to which we were practically sold as slaves the FM paid the camp authorities a fixed price per day per prisoner the coupons cost the FM 50 fenics each and could be exchanged for six cigarettes often Weeks Later although they sometimes lost their

20:51 validity I became the proud owner of a token worth 12 cigarettes but more importantly the cigarettes could be exchanged for 12 soups and 12 soups were often a very real rest bite from starvation the privilege of actually smoking cigarettes was reserved for the carpo who had his assured qua of weekly coupons or possibly for a prisoner who worked as a foreman in a warehouse or workshop and received a few cigarettes in exchange for doing dangerous jobs the only exceptions to this were those who had lost the will to live and wanted to enjoy their last days thus when we saw a comrade smoking his own cigarettes we knew he had given up Faith in his strength to carry on and once lost the will to live seldom

21:39 returned when one examines the vast amount of material which has been amassed as the result of many prisoners observations and experiences three phases of the inmate's mental reactions to Camp life become apparent the period following his admission the period when he is well entrenched in Camp routine and the period following his release and liberation the symptom that characterizes the first phase is shock under certain conditions shock may even precede the prisoner's formal admission to the camp I shall give as an example the circumstances of my own admission 1500 persons had been traveling by train for several days and nights there were 80 people in each coach all had to lie on top of their

22:25 luggage the few remnants of their personal possessions the carriages were so full that only the top parts of the windows were free to let in the gray of dawn everyone expected the train to head for some Munitions Factory in which we would be employed as forced labor we did not know whether we were still in silicia or already in Poland the engine's whistle had an uncanny sound like a cry for help sent out in commiseration for the unhappy load which it was destined to lead into pedition then the train shunted obviously nearing a main station suddenly a cry broke from the ranks of the anxious passengers there is a sign asts everyone's heart missed a beat at that moment alitz the very name stood

23:10 for all that was horrible gas Chambers crematoriums massacres slowly almost hesitatingly the train moved on as if it wanted to spare its passengers there Dreadful realization as long as possible aitz with the progressive Dawn the outlines of an immense Camp became visible long stretches of several rows of barbed wire fences watchtowers search lights and long Columns of ragged human figures gray in the greyness of dawn trekking along the straight desolate roads to what destination we did not know there were isolated shouts and whistles of command we did not know their meaning my imagination led me to see Gallows with people dangling on them

23:57 I was hor horrified but this was just as well because step by step we had to become accustomed to a terrible and immense horror eventually we moved into the station the initial silence was interrupted by shouted commands we were to hear those rough shroll tones from then on over and over again in all the camps their sound was almost like The Last Cry of a victim and yet there was a difference it had a rasping horseness as if it came from the throat of a man who had to keep sh Ting like that a man who was being murdered again and again the carriage doors were flung open and a small Detachment of prisoners stormed inside they wore striped uniforms their heads were shaved but they looked wellfed they spoke in every possible

24:46 European Tong and all with a certain amount of humor which sounded grotesque under the circumstances like a drowning man clutching a straw my born optimism which has often controlled my feelings even in the most desperate situations clung to this thought these prisoners look quite well they seem to be in good spirits and even laugh who knows I might manage to share their favorable position in Psychiatry there is a certain condition known as delusion of reprieve The Condemned man immediately before his execution gets the illusion that he might be reprieved at the very last minute we too clun shreds of Hope and belief to the last moment that it would not be so bad just

25:33 the sight of the red cheeks and round faces of those prisoners was a great encouragement little did we know then that they formed a specially chosen Elite who for years had been the receiving squad for new transports as they rolled into the station day after day they took charge of the new arrivals and their luggage including scarce items and smuggled jewelry aitz must have been a strange spot in this Europe of the last years of the war there must have been Unique Treasures of Gold and Silver Platinum and diamonds not only in the huge storehouses but also in the hands of the ss500 captives were cooped up in a shed built to accommodate probably 200 at the most we were cold and hungry and

26:21 there was not enough room for everyone to squat on the be ground let alone to lie down one 5 O piece of bread was our only food in 4 days yet one heard the senior prisoners in charge of the shed bargain with one member of the receiving party about the ti pin made of platinum and diamonds most of the profits would eventually be traded for liquor schnaps I do not remember anymore just how many thousands of marks were needed to purchase the quantity of schnaps required for a gay evening but I do know that those long-term prisoners needed schnaps under such conditions who could blame them for trying to dooke themselves there was another group of prisoners who got liquor supplied in almost unlimited quantities by the SS these were the men who were employed in

27:06 the gas Chambers and crematoriums and who knew very well that one day they would be relieved by a new shift of men and that they would have to leave their enforced role of executioner and become victims themselves nearly everyone in our transport lived under the illusion that he would be reprieved that everything would yet be well we did not realize the meaning behind the scene that was to follow presently we were told to leave our luggage in the train and to fall into two lines women on one side men on the other in order to file past a senior SS officer surprisingly enough I had the courage to hide my havac under my coat my line filed past the officer Man by man I realized that it would be

27:53 dangerous if the officer spotted my bag he would at least knock me down I knew that from previous experience instinctively I straightened on approaching the officer so that he would not notice my heavy load then I was face to face with him he was a tall man who looked slim and fit in his spotless uniform what a contrast to us who are untidy and grimy after our long journey he had assumed an attitude of careless ease supporting his right elbow with his left hand his right hand was lifted and with the forefinger of that hand he pointed very leisurely to the right or to the left none of us had the slightest idea of the Sinister meaning behind the little movement of a man's finger pointing now to the right and now

28:39 to the left but far more frequently to the left it was my turn somebody whispered to me that to be sent to the right side would mean work the way to the left being for the sick and those incapable of work who would be sent to a special Camp I just waited for things to take their course the first of many such times to come my havac weighed me down a bit to the left but I made an effort to walk upright the SS man looked me over appeared to hesitate then put both his hands on my shoulders I tried very hard to look smart and he turned my shoulders very slowly until I faced right and I moved over to that side the significance of the finger game was explained to us in the evening it was the first selection

29:25 the first verdict made on our existence or non-existence for the great majority of our transport about 90% it meant death their sentence was carried out within the next few hours those who were sent to the left were marched from the station straight to the crematorium this building as I was told by someone who worked there had the word bath written over its doors in several European languages on entering each prisoner was handed a piece of soap and then but mercifully I do not need to describe the events which followed many accounts have been written about this horror we who were saved the minority of our transport found out the truth in the evening I

30:12 inquired from prisoners who had been there for some time where my colleague and friend P had been sent was he sent to the left side yes I replied then you can see him there I was told where a hand pointed to the chimney a few hundred yards off which was sending a column of flame up into the gray sky of Poland it dissolved into a Sinister cloud of smoke that's where your friend is floating up to heaven was the answer but I still did not understand until the truth was explained to me in plain words but I am telling things out of their turn from a psychological point of view we had a long long way in front of us from the break of that Dawn at the

30:59 station until our first night's rest at the camp escorted by SS guards with loaded guns we were made to run from the station P electrically charged barbed wire through the camp to the cleansing station for those of us who had passed the first selection this was a real bath again our illusion of reprieve found confirmation the SS men seemed almost Charming soon we found out their reason they were nice to us as long long as they saw watches on our wrists and could persuade us in well-meaning tones to hand them over Would we not have to hand over all our possessions anyway and why should not that relatively nice person have the watch maybe one day he would do one a good turn we waited in a shed

31:44 which seemed to be the anter room to the disinfecting chamber SS men appeared and spread out blankets into which we had to throw all our possessions all our watches and jewelry there were still naive prisoners Among Us who asked to the amusement of the more seasoned ones who were there as helpers if they could not keep a wedding ring a medal or a good luck piece no one could yet grasp the fact that everything would be taken away I tried to take one of the old prisoners into my confidence approaching INF furtively I pointed to the roll of paper in the inner pocket of my coat and said look this is the manuscript of a scientific book I know what you will say that I should be grateful to escape with my

32:30 life that that should be all I can expect of Fate but I cannot help myself I must keep this manuscript at all costs it contains my life's work do you understand that yes he was beginning to understand a grin spread slowly over his face first Pious then more amused mocking insulting until he bellowed one word at me in answer to my question a word that was ever present in the vocabulary of the camp inmates at that moment I saw the plain truth and did what marked the culminating point of the first phase of my psychological reaction I struck out my whole former life suddenly there was a stir among my fellow Travelers who had been standing

33:15 about with pale frightened faces helplessly debating again we heard the horsely shouted commands we were driven with blows into the immediate antium of the bath then we assembled around an SS man who waited until we had all arrived then he said I will give you 2 minutes and I shall time you by my watch in these two minutes you will get fully undressed and drop everything on the floor where you are standing you will take nothing with you except your shoes your belt or suspenders and possibly a truss I am starting to count now with Unthinkable haste people tore off their clothes as the time grew short water they became increasingly nervous and pulled clumsily at their underwear belts

34:02 and shoelaces then we heard the first sounds of whipping leather straps beating down on naked bodies next we were herded into another room to be shaved not only our heads were Shor but not a hair was left on our entire bodies then onto the showers where we lined up again we hardly recognized each other but with great relief some people noted that real water dripped from the sprays while we were waiting for the shower our nakedness was brought home to us we really had nothing now except our bare bodies even minus hair all we possessed literally was our naked existence what else remained for us as a material link with our former lives for me there were my glasses and my belt the

34:47 latter I had to exchange later on for a piece of bread there was an extra bit of excitement in store for the owners of trusses in the evening the senior prisoner in charge of our Hut welcomed us with a speech in which he gave us his word of Honor that he would H personally from that beam he pointed to it any person who had swn money or precious stones into his truss proudly he explained that as a senior inhabitant the camp laws entitled him to do so where our shoes were concerned matters were not so simple although we were supposed to keep them those who had fairly decent pairs had to give them up after all and were given in exchange shoes that did not fit in for real trouble were those prisoners

35:33 who had followed the Apparently well- meant advice given in the anti room of the senior prisoners and had shortened their Jack Boots by cutting the tops off then smearing soap on the cut edges to hide the sabotage the SS men seemed to have waited for just that all suspected of this crime had to go into a small adjoining room after a time we again heard the lashings of the strap and the screams of tortured men this time it lasted for quite a while thus the Illusions some of us still held were destroyed one by one and then quite unexpectedly most of us were overcome by a grim sense of humor we knew that we had nothing to lose except our so ridiculously naked lives when the shower started to run we

36:19 all tried very hard to make fun both about ourselves and about each other after all real water did flow from the spr phas apart from that strange kind of humor another sensation seized us curiosity I have experienced this kind of curiosity before as a fundamental reaction towards certain strange circumstances when my life was once endangered by a climbing accident I felt only one sensation at the critical moment curiosity curiosity as to whether I should come out of it alive or with a fractured skull or some other injuries cold curiosity dominated even in aitz somehow detaching the Mind from its surroundings which came to be regarded with a kind of

37:06 objectivity at that time one cultivated this State of Mind as a means of protection we were anxious to know what would happen next and what would be the consequence for example of our standing in the open air in the chill of late Autumn Stark naked and still wet from the showers in the next few days our curiosity evolved into surprise surprised that we did not catch cold there were many similar surprises in store for new arrivals the medical men Among Us learned first of all textbooks tell lies somewhere it is said that man cannot exist without sleep for more than a stated number of hours quite wrong I had been convinced that there were certain things I just could not do I could not sleep without this or I could not live

37:52 with that or the other the first night in aitz we slept in Beds which were constructed in tiers on each tier measuring about 6 and a half to 8 ft slapped nine men directly on the boards two blankets were shared by each nine men we could of course lie only on our sides crowded and huddled against each other which had some advantages because of the bitter cold though it was forbidden to take shoes up to the bunks some people did use them secretly as pillows in spite of the fact that they were caked with mud otherwise one's head had to rest on the crook of an almost dislocated arm and yet sleep came and brought Oblivion and relief from pain for a few

38:38 hours I would like to mention a few similar surprises on how much we could endure we were unable to clean our teeth and yet in spite of that and a Severe vitamin deficiency we had healthier gums than ever before we had to wear the same shirts for half a year until they had lost all appearance of being shirts for days we were unable to wash even partially because of frozen water pipes and yet the SS and abrasions on hands which were dirty from work in the soil did not suppurate that is unless there was frostbite or for instance a light sleeper who used to be disturbed by the slightest noise in the Next Room now found himself lying pressed against a comrade who snored loudly a few inches from his ear and yet slept quite soundly through the noise if someone now asked

39:26 of us the truth of Doo statement that flatly defines man as a being who can get used to anything we would reply yes a man can get used to anything but do not ask us how but our psychological investigations have not taken us that far yet neither had we prisoners reached that point we were still in the first phase of our psychological reactions the thought of suicide was entertained by nearly everyone if only for a brief time it was born of the hopelessness of the situation the constant danger of death looming over us daily and hourly and the closeness of the deaths suffered by many of the others from personal convictions which will be mentioned later I made

40:11 myself a firm promise on my first evening in Camp that I would not run into the wire this was a phrase used in Camp to describe the most popular method of suicide touching the electrically charged barbed wire fence it was not entirely difficult for me to make this this decision there was little point in committing suicide since for the average inmate life expectation calculating objectively and counting all likely chances was very poor he could not with any Assurance expect to be among the small percentage of men who survived all the selections the prisoner of aitz in the first phase of shock did not fear death even the gas Chambers lost their Horrors for him after the first first few days

40:58 after all they spared him the act of committing suicide friends whom I have met later have told me that I was not one of those whom the shock of admission greatly depressed I only smiled and quite sincerely when The Following episode occurred the morning after our first night in aitz in spite of strict orders not to leave our blocks a colleague of mine who had arrived in aitz several weeks previously smuggled himself into our heart he wanted to calm and comfort us and tell us a few things he had become so thin that at first we did not recognize him with a show of good humor and a devil may care attitude he gave us a few hurry tips Don't Be Afraid Don't Fear The

41:45 selections Dr M the SS medical Chief has a soft spot for doctors this was wrong my friends kindly words were misleading one prisoner the doctor of a block of huts and a man of some 60 years told me how he had entreated Dr M to let off his son who was destined for gas Dr M coldly refused but one thing I beg of you he continued shave daily if at all possible even if you have to use a piece of glass to do it even if you have to give your last piece of bread for it you will look younger and the scraping will make your cheeks look ruddier if you want to stay alive there is only one way look fit for work if you even limp

42:30 because let us say you have a small blister on your heel and an SS man spots this he will wave you aside in the next day you are sure to be guessed do you know what we mean by a Muslim a man who looks miserable down and out sick and emaciated and who cannot manage hard physical labor any longer that is a Muslim sooner or later usually sooner every Muslim goes to the gas ch ERS therefore remember shave stand and walk smartly then you need not be afraid of gas all of you standing here even if you have only been here 24 hours you need not fear gas except perhaps you and then he pointed to me and said I hope you don't

43:17 mind my telling you frankly to the others he repeated of all of you he is the only one who must fear the next selection so don't worry and I smiled I am now convinced that anyone in my place on that day would have done the same I think it was Ling who once said there are things which must cause you to lose your reason or you have none to lose an abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior even we psychiatrists expect the reactions of a man to an abnormal situation such as being committed to an asylum to be abnormal in proportion to the degree of his normality the reaction of a man to his admission to a concentration camp also represents an abnormal state of mind but judged objectively it

44:05 is a normal and as will be shown later typical reaction to the given circumstances these reactions as I have described them began to change in a few days The Prisoner passed from the first to the second phase the phase of relative apathy in which he achieved a kind of emotional death aart from the already described reactions the newly arrived prisoner experienced the tortures of other most painful emotions all of which he tried to De in first of all there was his boundless longing for his home and his family this often could become so acute that he felt himself consumed by longing then there was disgust disgust with all the ugliness which surrounded him even in its mere

44:50 external forms most of the prisoners were given a uniform of Rags which would have made a scarecrow elegant by comparison between the Huts in the camp lay pure filth and the more one worked to clear it away the more one had to come in contact with it it was a favorite practice to detail a new arrival to a work group whose job was to clean the latrines and remove the sewage if as usually happened some of the excrements splashed into his face during its transport over bumpy Fields any sign of disgust by The Prisoner or any attempt to wipe off the filth would only be punished with a blow from a carpo and thus the mortification of normal reactions was hastened at first The Prisoner looked away if he saw the punishment parades of

45:37 another group he could not there to see fellow prisoners March up and down for hours in the mire their movements directed by blows days or weeks later things changed early in the morning when it was still dark The Prisoner stood in front of the gate with his Detachment ready to March he heard a scream and saw how a comrade was knocked down pulled to his feet again and knocked down once more and why he was feverish but had reported to Sick Bay at an improper time he was being punished for this irregular attempt to be relieved of his duties but the prisoner who had passed into the second stage of his psychological reactions did not avert his eyes anymore by then his feelings were blunted and he watched

46:23 unmoved another example he found himself self waiting at Sick Bay hoping to be granted two days of light work inside the camp because of injuries or perhaps edima or fever he stood unmoved while a 12-year-old boy was carried in who had been forced to stand at attention for hours in the snow or to work outside with bare feet because there were no shoes for him in the camp his toes had become frostbitten and the doctor on duty picked off the black gangrena stumps with tweezers one by one disgust horror and and pity our emotions that our spectator could not really feel anymore the sufferers the dying and the dead became such commonplace SES to him after a few weeks of Camp life that they could

47:09 not move him anymore I spent some time in a hut for typhus patients who ran very high temperatures and were often Delirious many of them moribond after one of them had just died I watched without any emotional upset the scene that followed which was repeated over and over again with each death One By One The Prisoners approached the still warm body one grabbed the remains of a messy meal of potatoes another decided that The Corpse's wooden shoes were an improvement on his own and exchanged them a third man did the same with the Dead Man's coat and another was glad to be able to secure some just imagine genuine string all this I watched with unconcern eventually I asked the nurse

47:54 to remove the body when he decided to do so he took the corpse by its legs allowing it to drop into the small Corridor between the two rows of boards which were the beds for the 50 typhus patients and dragged it across the bumpy Ann floor toward the door the two steps which led up into the open air always constituted a problem for us since we were exhausted from a chronic lack of food after a few months stay in the camp we could not walk up those steps which were each about 6 in high without putting our hands on the door jams to pull ourselves up the man with the corpse approached the steps weily he dragged himself up then the body first the feet then the trunk and finally with an uncanny rattling

48:39 noise the head of the corpse bumped up the two steps my place was on the opposite side of the Hut next to the small sole window which was built near the floor while my cold hands clasped a bowl of hot soup from which I sipped greedily I happened to look out the window the corpse which had just been removed stared in at me with glazed eyes 2 hours before I had spoken to that man now I continued sipping my soup if my lack of emotion had not surprised me from the standpoint of professional interest I would not remember this incident now because there was so little feeling involved in it apathy the blunting of the emotions and the feeling that one could not care anymore were the symptoms arising during the second stage of the prisoner's psychological

49:25 reactions and which eventually made him insensitive to daily and hourly beatings by means of this insensibility the prisoner soon surrounded himself with a very necessary protective shell beatings occurred on the slightest provocation sometimes for no reason at all for example bread was rationed out at our work site and we had to line up for it once The Man Behind Me stood off a little to one side and that lack of symmetry displeased the SS guard I did not know what was going on in the line behind me nor in the mind of the SS guard but suddenly I received two sharp blows on my head only then did I spot the guard at my side who was using his stick at such a moment it is not the

50:12 physical pain which Hurts the Most and this applies to adults as much as to punish children it is the mental Agony caused by the Injustice the unreasonableness of it all strangely enough a blow which does not even find its Mark can under certain circumstances hurt more than one that Finds Its Mark once I was standing on a railway track in a snowstorm in spite of the weather our party had to keep on working I worked quite hard at mending the track with gravel since that was the only way to keep warm for only one moment I paused to get my breath and to lean on my shovel unfortunately the guard turned around just then and thought I was loafing the pain he caused me was not

50:58 from any insults or any blows that God did not think it worth his while to say anything not even a swear word to the Ragged emaciated figure standing before him which probably reminded him only vaguely of a human form instead he playfully picked up a stone and threw it at me that to me seemed the way to attract the attention of a beast to call a domestic animal back to its job a creature with which you have so little in common that you do not even punish it the most painful part of beatings is the insult which they imply at one time we had to carry some long heavy gers over icy tracks if one man slipped he endangered not only

51:43 himself but all the others who carried the same gerder an old friend of mine had a congenitally dislocated hip he was glad to be capable of working in spite of it since the physically disabled were almost certainly sent to death when a selection took place he limped over the track with an especially heavy gerder and seemed about to fall and drag the others with him as yet I was not carrying a gerder so I jumped to his assistance without stopping to think I was immediately hit on the back rudely reprimanded and ordered to return to my place a few minutes previously the same guard who struck me had told us deprecatingly that we pigs lack the spirit of comradeship another time in a forest with the temperature at 2° fah we began

52:29 to dig up the top soil which was frozen hard in order to lay water pipes by then I had grown rather weak physically Along came a foreman with chubby Rosy Cheeks his face definitely reminded me of a pig's head I noticed that he wore lovely warm gloves in that bitter cold for a time he watched me silently I felt that trouble was brewing for in front of me lay the mound of Earth which showed exactly how much I had dug then he began you pig I have been watching you the whole time I'll teach you to work yet wait till you dig dirt with your teeth you'll die like an animal in 2 days I'll

53:14 finish you off you've never done a stroke of work in your life what were you swine a businessman I was past caring but I had to take his threat of killing me seriously so I straightened up and looked him directly in the eye I was a doctor a specialist what a doctor I bet you got a lot of money out of people as it happens I did most of my work for no money at all in clinics for the poor but now I had said too much he threw himself on me and knocked me down shouting like a madman I can no longer remember what he shouted I want to show

54:00 with this apparently trivial story that there are moments when indignation can Rouse even a seemingly hardened prisoner indignation not about cruelty or pain but about the insult connected with it that time blood rushed to my head because I had to listen to a man judge my life who had so little idea of it a man I must confess the following remark which I made to my fellow prisoners after the scene afforded me childish relief who looked so vulgar and brutal that the nurse in the outpatient ward in my Hospital would not even have admitted him to the waiting room fortunately the carpo in my working party was obligated to me he had taken a liking to me because I listened to his love stories and matrimonial troubles which he poured out during the long marches to our work site I had made

54:47 an impression on him with my diagnosis of his character and with my psychotherapeutic advice after that he was grateful and this had already been of value to me on several previous occasions he had reserved a place for me next to him in one of the first five rows of our Detachment which usually consisted of 280 men that favor was important we had to line up early in the morning while it was still dark everybody was afraid of being late and of having to stand in the back rows if men were required for an unpleasant and disliked job the senior Caro appeared and usually collected the men he needed from the back rows these men had to March away to another especially dreaded

55:34 kind of work under the command of strange guards occasionally the senior carpo chose men from the first five rows just to catch those who tried to be clever all protests and entreaties were silenced by a few well- aimed kicks and the chosen victims were chased to the meeting place with shouts and blows however as long as my Caro felt the need of pouring out his heart this could not happen to me I had a guaranteed place of honor next to him but there was another Advantage too like nearly all the camp inmates I was suffering from edima my legs were so swollen and the skin on them so tightly stretched that I could scarcely bend my knees I had to leave my shoes unlaced in

56:19 order to make them fit my swollen feet there would not have been space for socks even if I had had any so my partly bare feet were always wet and my shoes always full of snow this of course caused frostbite and chill blaines every single step became real torture clumps of ice formed on our shoes during our marches over snow covered Fields over and again men slipped and those following behind stumbled on top of them then the column would stop for a moment but not for long one of the guards soon took action and worked over the men with the the but of his rifle to make them get up quickly the more to the front of the column you were the less often you were disturbed by having to stop and then to make up for lost time by running on your painful

57:06 feet I was very happy to be the personally appointed physician to his honor the carpo and to march in the first row at an even Pace as an additional payment for my services I could be sure that as long as soup was being dealt out at lunchtime at our work site he would when my turn came dip the leg right to the bottom of the vat and fish out a few peas this Caro a former Army officer even had the courage to whisper to the foran whom I had quarreled with that he knew me to be an unusually good worker that didn't help matters but he nevertheless managed to save my life one of the many times it was to be saved the day after the episode with the foreman he smuggled me into another work party there were for men who felt sorry

57:54 for us and who did their best to ease our situation at least at the building site but even they kept on reminding us that an ordinary labor did several times as much work as we did and in a shorter time but they did see reason if they were told that a normal Workman did not live on 10 and a half ounces of bread theoretically actually we often had less and one and 3/4 pints of thin soup per day that a normal labor did not live under the mental stress we had to submit to not having news of our families who had either been sent to another camp or Gass right away that a normal Workman was not threatened by death continuously daily and hourly I even allowed myself to say once to a kindly foran if you could learn from me how to do a brain operation in as short a time as I am

58:40 learning this road work from you I would have great respect for you and he grinned apathy the main symptom of the second phase was a necessary mechanism of self-defense reality dimmed and efforts and all emotions were centered on one task preserving one's own life and that of the other fellow it was typical to hear the prisoners while they were being herded back to Camp from their work sites in the evening sigh with relief and say well another day is over it can be readily understood that such a state of strain coupled with the constant necessity of concentrating on the task of staying alive forced the prisoners inner life down to A Primitive level several of my colleagues in Camp who

59:26 were trained in psychoanalysis often spoke of a regression in the camp inmate a retreat to a more primitive form of mental life his wishes and desires became obvious in his dreams what did the prisoner dream about most frequently of bread cake cigarettes and nice warm baths the lack of having these simple desires satisfied led him to seek wish fulfillment in dreams whether these dreams did any good is another matter the dreamer had to wake from them to the reality of Camp life and to the terrible contrast between that and his dream Illusions I shall never forget how I was roused One Night by the groans of a fellow prisoner who threw himself about in his sleep obviously having a horrible

1:00:12 nightmare since I had always been especially sorry for people who suffered from fearful dreams or deliria I wanted to wake the poor man suddenly I drew back the hand which was ready to shake him frightened at the thing I was about to do at that moment I became intensely conscious of the fact that no dream no matter how horrible could be as bad as the reality of the camp which surrounded us and to which I was about to recall him because of the high degree of undernourishment which the prisoners suffered it was natural that the desire for food was the major primitive Instinct around which mental life centered let us observe the majority of prisoners when they happened to work near each other and were for once not closely watched they would immediately

1:00:58 start discussing food one fellow would ask another working next to him in the ditch what his favorite dishes were then they would exchange recipes and plan the menu for the day when they would have a reunion the day in a distant future when they would be liberated and returned home they would go on and on picturing it all in detail until suddenly a warning was passed down the trench usually in the form of a special password or number the guard is coming I always regarded the discussions about food as dangerous is it not wrong to provoke the organism with such detailed and effective pictures of Delicacies when it has somehow managed to adapt itself to extremely small rations and low calories though it may afford momentary psychological relief it is an illusion

1:01:44 which physiologically surely must not be without danger during the later part of our imprisonment the daily Russian consisted of very watery soup given out once daily and the usual small bread ration in addition to that there was the so-called extra allowance consisting of 3/4s of an ounce of margarine or of a slice of poor quality sausage or of a little piece of cheese or a bit of synthetic honey or a spoonful of watery gerem varying daily in calories this diet was absolutely inadequate especially taking into consideration our heavy manual work and our constant exposure to the cold in inadequate clothing the sick who were under special care that is those who were allowed to lie in the Huts instead

1:02:30 of leaving the camp for work were even worse off when the last layers of subcutaneous fat had vanished and we looked like skeletons disguised with skin and Rags we could watch our bodies beginning to devour themselves the organism digested its own protein and the muscles disappeared then the body had no powers of resistance left one after another the me members of the little community in our Hut died each of us could calculate with Fair accuracy whose turn would be next and when his own would come after many observations we knew the symptoms well which made the correctness of our prognosis quite certain he won't last long oh this is the next one we whispered to each other and when during

1:03:17 our daily search for lice we saw our own naked bodies in the evening we thought alike this body here my body is really a corpse ready what has become of me I am but a small portion of a great mass of human flesh of a mass behind barbed wire crowded into a few earn hearts a mass of which daily a certain portion begins to rot because it has become lifeless I mentioned above how unavoidable were the thoughts about food and favorite dishes which forced themselves into the consciousness of the prisoner whenever he had a moment to spare perhaps it can be understood then that even the strongest of us was longing for the time when he would have fairly good food again not for the sake

1:04:02 of good food itself but for the sake of knowing that the subhuman existence which had made us unable to think of anything other than food would at last cease those who have not gone through a similar experience can hardly conceive of the Soul destroying mental conflict and clashes of war power which are famished man experiences they can hardly grasp what it means to stand digging in a trench listening only for the siren to announce 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. the half hour lunch interval when bread would be rationed out as long as it was still available repeatedly asking the for man if he wasn't a disagreeable fellow what the time was and Tenderly touching a piece of bread in one's coat pocket first stroking it with frozen gloveless fingers then breaking off a crumb and putting it in one's mouth and finally

1:04:49 with the last bit of wool power pocketing it again having promised oneself that morning to hold out till afternoon we could hold endless debates on the sense or nonsense of certain methods of dealing with the small bread ration which was given out only once daily during the latter part of our confinement there were two schools of thought one was in favor of eating up the Russian immediately this had the two-fold advantage of satisfying the worst hunger pangs for a very short time at least once a day and of safeguarding against possible theft or loss of the Russi the second group which held with dividing the ration up used different arguments I finally joined their ranks the most ghastly moment of the 24 hours

1:05:36 of Camp life was The Awakening when at a still nocturnal hour the three shr blows of a whistle tore us pitilessly from our exhausted sleep and from the longings in our dreams we then began the tussle with our wet shoes into which we could scarcely Force our feet which were sore and swollen with edimer and there were the the usual moans and groans about Petty troubles such as the snapping of wires which replaced shoelaces one morning I heard someone whom I knew to be brave and dignified cry like a child because he finally had to go to the snowy marching grounds in his bare feet as his shoes were too shrunken for him to wear in those ghastly minutes one found a little bit of comfort a small piece of bread

1:06:23 which I drew out of my pocket and munched with absorb Delight undernourishment besides being the cause of the general preoccupation with food probably also explains the fact that the sexual urge was generally absent apart from the initial effects of shock this appears to be the only explanation of a phenomenon which a psychologist was bound to observe in those all male camps that as opposed to all other strictly male establishments such as Army bars there was little sexual perversion even in his dreams The Prisoner did not seem to concern himself self with sex although his frustrated emotions and his finer higher feelings did find definite expression in them with the majority of the Prisoners the Primitive life and the effort of having to concentrate on just saving

1:07:10 one's skin led to a total disregard of anything not serving that purpose and explained the prisoner's complete lack of sentiment this was brought home to me on my transfer from owitz to a camp affiliated with darkow the train which carried us about 2,000 prisoners passed through Vienna at about midnight we passed one of the vienes Railway stations the track was going to lead us past the street where I was born past the house where I had lived many years of my life in fact until I was taken prisoner there were 50 of us in the prison car which had two small bar peep holes there was only enough room for one group to squat on the floor while the others who had to stand up for hours crowded around the peep Pooles standing

1:07:56 on tiptoe and looking past the others heads through the bars of the window I caught an eery glimpse of my native town we all felt more dead than alive since we thought that our transport was heading for the camp at Moren and that we had only one or two weeks to live I Had A distinct feeling that I saw the

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