Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse - Full Audiobook

0:00 master your emotions a practical guide to overcome negativity and better manage your feelings by Tebo Maurice introduction the mind in its own place and in itself can make a heaven of Hell a hell of Heaven John Milton poet we all experience a wild range of emotions throughout our lives I had to admit while writing this book I experienced highs and lows myself at first I was filled with excitement and thrilled at the idea of providing people with a guide to help them understand their emotions I imagined how readers lives would improve as they learned to control their emotions my motivation was high and I couldn't help but imagine how great the book

0:45 would be or so I thought after the initial excitement the time came to sit down to write the actual book and that's when the excitement wore off pretty quickly ideas that looked great in my mind suddenly felt dull my writing seemed boring and I felt as though I had nothing substantive or valuable to contribute sitting at my desk in writing became more challenging each day I started losing confidence who was I to write a book about emotions if I couldn't even Master my own emotions how ironic I considered giving up there are already plenty of books on the topic so why add one more at the same time I realized this book was a perfect opportunity to work on my own emotional issues and who doesn't suffer from negative emotions from time

1:31 to time we all have highs and lows don't we the key is what we do with our lows are we using our emotions to grow are we learning something from them or are we beating ourselves up over them so let's talk about your emotions now let me start by asking you this how do you feel right now knowing how you feel is the first step toward taking control of your emotions you may have spent so much time internalizing you've lost touch with your emotions perhaps you answered as follows I feel this book could be useful or I really feel I could learn something from this book however none of these answers reflect how you feel you don't feel like this or feel like that you simply feel you don't feel like this book could be useful you think this book could be

2:18 useful and that generates an emotion which makes you feel excited about reading it feelings manifest as physical Sensations in your body not as an idea in your mind perhaps the reason the word feel is so often overused or misused is because we don't want to talk about our emotions so how do you feel now why is it important to talk about emotions how you feel determines the quality of your life your emotions can make your life miserable or truly magical that's why they are among the most important things to focus on your emotions color all your experiences when you feel good everything seems feels or tastes better you also think better thoughts your energy levels are higher and possibilities seem Limitless conversely

3:04 when you feel depressed everything seems dull you have little energy and you become unmotivated you feel stuck in a place mentally and physically you don't want to be and the future looks gloomy your emotions can also act as a powerful guide they can tell you something is wrong and allow you to make changes in your life as such they may be among the most powerful personal growth tools you have sadly neither your teachers nor your parents taught you how emotions work or how to control them I find it ironic that just about anything comes with a how-to manual while your mind doesn't you've never received an instruction manual to teach you how your mind works and how to use it to better manage your emotions have you I haven't in fact until now I doubt one

3:51 even existed what you'll learn in this book this book is the how to manual your parents should have given you at Birth it's the instruction manual you should have received at school in it I'll share everything you need to know about emotions so you can overcome your fears and limitations and become the type of person you really want to be you'll learn what emotions are how they are formed and how you can use them for your personal growth you'll also learn how to deal with negative emotions and condition your mind to create more positive emotions it is my sincere hope and expectation that by the end of this book you will have a clear understanding of what emotions are and will have all the tools you need to start taking control of them more specifically this book will help

4:37 you understand what emotions are and how they impact your life identify negative emotions that control your life and learn to overcome them change your story to take better control over your life and create a more compelling future and reprogram your mind to experience more positive emotions here is a more detailed summary of what you'll learn in this book in part one we'll discuss what emotions are you'll learn why you are wired to focus on negativity and what you can do to counter this effect you'll also discover how your beliefs impinge upon your emotions finally you'll learn how negative emotions work and why they are so tricky in part two we'll go over the things that directly impact your emotions

5:23 you'll understand the roles your body your thoughts your words or your sleep play in your life and how you can use them to change your emotions in part three you'll learn how emotions are formed you'll also learn how to condition your mind to experience more positive emotions and finally in part four we'll discuss how to use your emotions as a tool for personal growth you'll learn why you experience emotions such as fear or depression and how they work you'll then discover how to use them to grow let's get started how to use this book I encourage you to read all the way through this book at least once after that I invite you to revisit the

6:09 book and focus on the sections you want to explore in more depth in this book I include a number of different exercises though I don't expect you to go through them all my hope is you'll pick some and apply them in your life remember the results you'll get out of this book depend on how much time and effort you're willing to put in if you feel this book could be of any use to your family members or friends make sure to share it with them emotions are complex and I believe it would benefits us all to deepen our understanding of the topic your free step-by-step workbook to help you master your emotions I've created a workbook as a companion guide to his book the workbook link is in the description

6:56 box part one what emotions are have you ever wondered what emotions are and what purpose they serve in this section we'll discuss how your survival mechanism affects your emotions then we'll explain what the ego is and how it impacts your emotions finally we'll discover the mechanism behind emotions and learn why negative emotions can be so hard to deal with how your survival mechanism affects your emotions why people have a bias towards negativity your brain is designed for survival which explains why you're able to read this book at this very moment when you think about it the probability of you being born was extremely low for this miracle to happen all the generations

7:43 before you had to survive long enough to procreate in their quest for survival and procreation they must have faced death hundreds or perhaps thousands of times fortunately unlike your ancestors you're probably not facing death every day in fact in many parts of the world life has never been safer yet your survival mechanism hasn't changed much your brain still scans your environment looking for potential threats in many ways some parts of your brain have become obsolete while you may not be seconds away from being eaten by a predator your brain still gives significantly more weight to negative events than to positive ones fear of rejection is one example of a bias toward negativity in the past being rejected from your tribe would reduce

8:29 your chances of survival significantly therefore you learn to look for any sign of rejection and this became hardwired in your brain nowadays being rejected often carries little or no consequence to your long-term survival you could be hated by the entire world and still have a job a roof and plenty of food on the table yet your brain is still programmed to perceive rejection as a threat to your survival this is why rejection can be so painful while you know most rejections are no big deal you nevertheless feel the emotional pain if you listen to your mind you may even create a whole drama around it you may believe you aren't worthy of love and dwell on a rejection for days or weeks worse still you may become depressed as a result of this rejection in fact one

9:16 single criticism can often outweigh hundreds of positive ones that's why an author with 55 star reviews is likely to feel terrible when they receive a single one-star review while the author understands the one star review isn't a threat to her survival her authorial brain doesn't it likely interprets the negative review as a threat to her ego which triggers an emotional reaction the fear of rejection can also lead you to over dramatize events if your boss criticized you at work your brain may see the event as a threat and you now think what if I'm fired what if I can't find a job quickly enough and my wife leaves me what about my kids what if I can't see them again while you are fortunate to have such an effective survival mechanism it is also

10:03 your responsibility to separate real threats from imaginary ones if you don't you'll experience unnecessary pain and worry that will negatively impact the quality of your life to overcome this bias towards negativity you must reprogram your mind one of a human being's greatest Powers is our ability to use our thoughts to shape our reality and interpret events in a more empowering way this book will teach you how to do this action step complete the corresponding exercise in the workbook section one what emotions are first bias towards negativity why your brain's job isn't to make you happy your brain's primary job is not to make

10:49 you happy but to ensure your survival thus if you want to be happy you must take control of your emotions rather than hoping you'll be happy because it's your natural state in the following section we'll discuss what happiness is and how it works how dopamine can mess with your happiness dopamine is a neurotransmitter which among other functions plays a major role in rewarding certain behaviors when dopamine is released into specific areas of your brain the pleasure centers you get a high this is what happens during exercise when you gamble have sex or eat great food one of the roles of dopamine is to ensure you look for food so you don't die of starvation and you search for a mate so you can reproduce without dopamine our species would likely be

11:35 extinct by now it's a pretty good thing right well yes and no in today's world this reward system is in many cases obsolete while in the past dopamine was linked to our survival Instinct the release of dopamine can now be generated artificially a great example of this effect is social media which uses psychology to suck as much time as possible out of your life have you noticed all these notifications that pop up constantly they're used to trigger a release of dopamine so you stay connected and the longer you stay connected the more money the services make watching pornography or gambling also leads to a release a dopamine which can make these activities highly addictive fortunately we don't need to act each time our brain releases dopamine for instance we don't need to

12:23 constantly check our Facebook news feeds just because it gives us a pleasurable shot of dopamine today's society is selling a version of happiness that can make us unhappy we've become addicted to dopamine largely because of marketers who have found effective ways to exploit our brains we receive multiple shots of dopamine throughout the day and we love it but is that the same thing as happiness worse than that dopamine can create real addictions with severe consequences on our health research conducted at Tulane University showed that when given permission to self-stimulate their pleasure Center participants did it an average of 40 times per minute they chose the stimulation of their pleasure Center over food even refusing to eat when hungry Korean Lee Seung seoop is an

13:09 extreme case of this syndrome in 2005 Mr C died after playing a video game for 58 hours straight with very little food or water and no sleep the subsequent investigation concluded the cause of death was heart failure induced by exhaustion and dehydration he was only 28 years old to take control of your emotions it is essential you understand the role dopamine plays and how it affects your happiness are you addicted to your phone are you glued to your TV or maybe you spend too much time playing video games most of us are addicted to something for some people it's obvious but for others it's more subtle for instance you could be addicted to thinking to better control your emotions it is important to shed the light on your addictions as

13:55 they can rob you of your happiness the one day I will miss do you believe that one day you will achieve your dream and finally be happy this is unlikely to happen you may and I hope you will achieve your dream but you won't live happily ever after this is just another trick your mind plays on you your mind quickly acclimates to new situations which is probably the result of evolution and our need to adapt continually in order to survive and reproduce this is also probably why the new car or house you want will only make you happy for a while once the initial excitement wears off you'll move on to Crave the next exciting thing this phenomenon is known as hedonic adaptation

14:40 how hedonic adaptation works let me share an interesting study that will likely change the way you see happiness this study which was conducted on lottery winners and paraplegics was extremely eye-opening for me conducted in 1978 the investigation evaluated how winning the lottery or becoming a paraplegic influence happiness the study found that one year after the event both groups were just as happy as they were beforehand yes just as happy or unhappy you can find more about it by watching Dan Gilbert's Ted Talk the surprising science of Happiness here perhaps you believe that you'll be happy once you've made it but as the above study on happiness shows this is simply not true no matter what happens to you you'll revert back

15:27 to your predetermined level of Happiness once you've adapted to the new event this is how your mind works does that mean you can't be happier than you are right now no what it means is that in the long run external events have very little impact upon your level of happiness in fact according to Sonia liubimersky author of The how of Happiness fifty percent of our happiness is determined by genetics forty percent by internal factors and only 10 percent by external factors these external factors include such things as whether we're single or married rich or poor and similar social influences this suggests only 10 of your happiness is linked to external factors which is probably way less than you thought the bottom line is

16:13 this your attitude towards life influences your happiness not what happens to you by now you understand how your survival mechanism impacts negatively your emotions and prevent you from experiencing more joy and happiness in your life in the next segment section we'll learn about the ego action step use the workbook to write down things that give you shots of dopamine section one what emotions are happiness what is the ego your survival mechanism is not the only Factor affecting your emotions your ego also plays a major role in shaping the way you feel thus to gain more control over your emotions it is fundamental you understand what your ego is and how it

16:58 works now let's clarify what we mean by ego we often say of someone he has a big ego referring to the ego as something close to Pride while pride is certainly a manifestation of ego that's only one part of it you may show no pride and appear humble while still being controlled by your ego so what is the ego the ego refers to the self-identity you've constructed throughout your life how was this identity created put simply the ego was created through your thoughts and as a mind-created identity has no concrete reality events that happen to you bear no meaning in themselves you give them meaning only through your interpretation of those events Additionally you accept things about yourself because people told you

17:43 to do so what's more you identify with your name your age your religion your political belief or your occupation in a similar way this attachment has consequences as we'll see later in this book attachment creates beliefs and these beliefs lead you to experience certain emotions for instance you may become offended when people criticize your religion or attack your political principles note that throughout this book we'll refer to the ego as your story or your identity using these words interchangeably are you aware of your ego your understanding of the way your ego Works depends on your level of self-awareness people at the lowest level of

18:29 Consciousness are not even aware the ego exists and as a result are enslaved by it on the other hand highly self-conscious people can see through their ego they understand how belief works and how excessive attachment to a set of beliefs can create suffering in their life in effect these individuals become the master of their mind and are at peace with themselves note that the ego is neither good nor bad it's just a result of a lack of self-awareness it fades away as you become aware of it since ego and awareness cannot coexist your ego's need for an identity your ego is a selfish entity only concerned about its own Survival interestingly it's rather similar to your brain in the way

19:15 it operates it has its own Survival mechanism and will do whatever it can to persist as with your brain its primary concern is neither your happiness nor your peace of mind on the contrary your ego is restless it wants you to be a go-getter it wants you to do have and Achieve great things so you can become a somebody as we already mentioned your ego needs an identity to exist the way it does that is through identification with things people or beliefs and ideas now let's look at some of the things your ego identifies with to strengthen its identity physical items the ego likes to identify with physical things needless to say it thrives in today's world perhaps we can say capitalism and the consumer Society

20:01 we're living in today is the creation of collective egos which is why it has been the dominant economic model in the recent decades marketers perfectly understand people's need to identify with things they know people don't just buy a product they also buy the emotions or story attached to the product often you buy certain clothes or a particular car because you want to tell a story about yourself for instance you may want to enhance your status look cool or express your unique personality and choose the products most closely associated with these ideals this is how the ego works it uses things to create a story you can identify with it doesn't mean things are wrong per se it's a negative issue only when you become overly attached to things

20:46 believing they can fulfill you which they can't your body most people derive their self-worth from their physical appearance your ego loves the way you look because it is the easiest thing to recognize and quantify when you strongly associate with your physical appearance you tend to identify more easily with physical and emotional pain believe it or not you can observe your body without identifying with it friends acquaintances the ego also derives its sense of identity from your relationships with others the ego is only interested in what it can get from others in other words the ego thrives on the way it can use people to strengthen its identity if you are honest with yourself you'll

21:34 realize most of the things you do are attempts to obtain the approval of others you want your parents to be proud of you your boss to respect you and your wife to love you now let's see in more detail how the ego works in the following cases parent child relationships some parents egos lead to the creation of a strong sense of attachment and identification with their children this is based on the false belief their children are their possessions as a result they try to control their children's lives and use them to live the life they wanted to live when they were younger this is called living vicariously through your children you see this all the time next time you watch a junior soccer or baseball game watch the parents on the

22:20 touchline to see how some react try spotting the parents living vicariously they are the ones screaming the loudest and not simply an encouragement this may happen largely unconsciously couples the feeling of needing someone is very much a play of the ego as well Anthony Demello has a beautiful way to put it when he says loneliness is not cured by human company loneliness is cured by contact with reality by understanding that we don't need people Anthony Demello once you realize you don't actually need anyone you can start enjoying people's company you can see them as they really are rather than trying to get something from them your beliefs your ego also uses beliefs

23:05 to strengthen its identity in extreme cases people become so attached to their beliefs they are ready to die to protect them we're still they are willing to kill people who disagree with them religion is a perfect illustration of the dangers of excessive attachment to beliefs the ego will use any belief to strengthen its identity whether these beliefs are religious political or metaphysical other objects of identification now let's have a look at a non-exhaustive list of things your ego generally derives its identity from your body your name your gender your nationality your culture your family friends your beliefs political beliefs religious Etc your personal story your

23:52 interpretation of the past your expectations regarding the future your problems illnesses financial situation victim mindset Etc your age your job your social status your role as employee Homemaker parental status employment status Etc material items your house car clothes phone Etc your desires the ego's main characteristics here are some main characteristics of the ego the ego tends to equate having with being which is why the ego likes to identify with objects the ego lives through comparison your ego likes to compare itself with other egos the ego is Never Satisfied your ego always wants more

24:38 more Fame more stuff more recognition and so on the ego's sense of self-worth often depends on the worth you have in the eyes of others your ego needs the approval of other people to feel valued the ego's need to feel Superior your ego wants to feel Superior to other egos it wants to stand out and needs to create artificial separations to do that here are some stratagems it employs enhancing its value through people if you have Smart famous friends your ego will associate with them to strengthen its identity this is why some people love to tell others how smart rich or famous their friends are gossiping people gossip because it makes them feel different and Superior in some way this is why some people like to put

25:25 other people down and talk behind their back it makes them and everybody else in their gossiping group feel Superior manifesting an inferiority complex this hides a desire to be better than others yes even in this case people want to feel Superior manifesting a superiority complex this hides the fear of not being good enough looking for fame this offers the illusion of superiority which is why people often dream of becoming famous being right the ego loves to be right it a great way for it to affirm its existence have you noticed that everybody from Adolf Hitler to Nelson Mandela believe they're doing the right thing most people think they are correct but can everybody be right

26:12 complaining when people complain by definition they believe they are right and others are wrong it works with objects as well have you ever bumped into a table and complained or even insulted it I have and the darn table was wrong to be in my way wasn't it seeking attention the ego likes to stand out it loves recognition praise or admiration to seek attention people may also commit crimes wear eccentric clothes or have tattoos all over their body your ego's impact on your emotion understanding the way your ego Works can help you better control your emotions to do this you must first realize your current story is the result of a strong identification with people things or

26:58 ideas this strong identification is the root of many of the negative emotions you experience in your life for instance when life doesn't unfold according to your personal story you get upset or when someone challenges one of your beliefs you become defensive in short most of your emotions are based on your personal story and the way you perceive the world as you replace your current story with a more empowering one while at the same time letting go of your excessive attachment to things people or ideas you will be able to experience more positive emotions later in this book we'll see how you can change the way you interpret events action step take a few minutes to answer the questions in the workbook section bar one

27:44 what emotions are the nature of the ego the nature of emotions emotions can be tricky in this section we'll discuss in depth how they work by understanding the mechanism behind emotions you'll be able to manage them more effectively as they arise the first thing to understand is that emotions come and go one moment you feel happy the next you feel sad while you do have some control over your emotions you must also recognize their unpredictable nature if you expect to be happy all the time you set yourself up for failure you then risk blaming yourself when you fail to be happy or even worse beat yourself up for it to start taking control of your emotions

28:29 you must accept they are transient you must learn to let them pass without feeling the need to identify strongly with them you must allow yourself to feel sad without adding commentaries such as I shouldn't be sad or what's wrong with me instead you must allow reality to just be no matter how mentally tough you are you'll still experience sadness grief or depression in your life hopefully not at the same time and not continually at times you'll feel disappointed betrayed insecure resentful or ashamed you'll doubt yourself and doubt your ability to be the person you want to be but that's okay because emotions come but more importantly they go

29:15 your negative emotions are not bad or useless you may blame yourself for experiencing negative emotions or perhaps you see yourself as mentally weak you may even believe something is wrong with you however despite what your inner voice may say your emotions aren't bad emotions are simply emotions nothing more as such being depressed doesn't make you less of a person than you were three weeks ago when you were happy feeling sad now doesn't mean you'll never be able to laugh again remember this the way you interpret emotions as well as the blame game you engage in creates suffering not the emotions themselves in fact negative emotions can actually be helpful sometimes you need to touch Rock Bottom before you can reach the top

30:01 even the toughest people on Earth become depressed Elon Musk never imagined he would have a mental breakdown but he did and he bounced back after losing his fiancee Abraham Lincoln was depressed for months this tragic event didn't prevent him from becoming president of the United States negative emotions often serve a purpose they may serve as a wake-up call they may help you learn something positive about yourself of course when you're under their spell it may be difficult to look at the bright side of things but in hindsight you may realize emotions even sad ones had their role to play in your ultimate success the positive role of negative emotions your emotions are not here to make your life harder but to tell you something

30:48 without them you wouldn't grow think of your negative emotions as the emotional equivalent of physical pain while you hate being in pain if you didn't have pain chances are you would be dead by now physical pain sends a powerful signal that something is wrong nudging you to take action of some kind it could be to consult your doctor which may lead you to undergo surgery change your diet or increase exercise without physical pain you wouldn't do any of these things and your situation would worsen potentially leading to a premature death emotions work the same way they signal you to do something about your current situation perhaps you need to let go of some people quit your job or remove a

31:34 disempowering story that creates suffering in your life the fleeting nature of emotions no matter how depressed you are how much grief you're experiencing or how horrible you feel at a given point in time this Shall Pass look at some of the negative emotions you experienced in the past remember the worst times in your life during these most difficult periods you were probably so caught up in your emotions you imagined never being able to escape them you couldn't imagine being happy again but even these episodes ended eventually the clouds dissipated and the real you've shown again your emotions come and they go your depression will go your sadness will vanish and your anger will fade away bear in mind if you

32:21 experience the same emotions repeatedly it probably means you hold disempowering beliefs and need to change something in your life we'll discuss how later if you suffer from severe chronic depression it might be a good idea to consult a specialist the trickiness of emotions have you ever felt you'll never be happy again have you ever been so attached to your emotions you thought they'll never go away don't worry it's a common feeling negative emotions act as a filter that taints the quality of your experiences during a negative episode every experience is perceived through this filter while the world outside May remain the same you will experience it in a completely different way based on how you feel for instance when you're depressed you don't enjoy the food you

33:06 eat the movie you see or the activities in which you engage you only see the negative side of things feeling trapped and Powerless on the other hand when you're in a positive mood everything in life appears better food tastes great you're naturally friendlier and you enjoy all the activities you partake in you may now believe that armed with the knowledge you have gained from this book you'll never be depressed again wrong you'll keep experiencing sadness frustration depression or resentment but hopefully each time these occur you'll become wiser and wiser remembering that this too shall pass I have to admit I can easily be fooled by my emotions while I know I am not my emotions I still give them too much

33:53 credit and fail to realize they are just temporary visitors more importantly I fail to remember they are not me emotions always come and go but I remain once the emotional storm has passed I generally feel like an idiot for having taken my emotions so seriously do you interestingly external factors might not be and often aren't the direct cause of a sudden change in your emotional state you can be in the exact same situation with the same job the same amount of money in your bank account and have the same problems as always but experience radically different emotional states in fact if you look at your past this is often what happens you are mildly depressed for a couple of hours or a few

34:38 days before bouncing back to your normal or default emotional state during this period of emotional stress your environment doesn't change at all the only thing that changes is your internal dialogue I encourage you to make a conscious effort to notice whenever such events happen and start seeing through your emotions trickery you might want to go one step further and record these events in a journal by doing so you will gain a deeper understanding of how emotions work and as a result you will be better equipped to manage them the evil power of emotions an emotion usually represents an amplified energized thought pattern and because of its often overpowering energetic charges it is not easy initially to stay present enough to be

35:24 able to watch it it wants to take you over and it usually succeeds unless there is enough presence in you by Eckhart Tola The Power of Now negative emotions are like a spell while you're under their influence Breaking Free from them seems impossible you may know dwelling on the same thoughts is pointless yet you can't help but go along with the flow feeling an intense pull you keep identifying with your thoughts and as a result feel worse and worse when this happens no rational argument seems to work the more these emotions fit your personal story the stronger the pull becomes for instance if you believe you aren't good enough you may experience negative emotions such as guilt or shame

36:10 each time you judge what you do is not good enough because you've experienced these emotions so many times before they have become an automatic response for more information on how the identification with emotions Works refers to the section identification the filtering power of emotions your emotional state can drastically affect your outlook on life leading you to act and behave differently when you're in a positive State you have more energy available this gives you more confidence in everything you do an openness to consider new actions that could improve your life the ability to leave or break out of your comfort zone more emotional room to persevere during tough times better ideas and enhanced

36:56 creativity and easy access to positive emotions within the same emotional range when you're in a negative State of Mind you have less energy available giving you a lack of confidence that affects everything you do a lack of motivation that reduces the scope of actions you're willing to take a reluctance to take on new challenges and leave your comfort zone A reduced ability to persevere in face of setbacks and a propensity to attract negative thoughts within the same emotional range let's have a look at a real example real life example let me share with you a real example from my own life both cases happened under the same external conditions the only difference was my emotional state at the time case one feeling excited about my online business

37:44 more confidence in everything I do I feel as though my ideas are good I'm excited to work on my books and eager to write articles I am open to sharing my work and promoting it an openness to consider new courses of action I am open to new ideas or to develop work on a new project I can think of ways to collaborate with other authors and start building a new coaching program to offer my audience the ability to get out of my comfort zone it becomes easier for me to push myself beyond my comfort zone I may contact people I don't know or run Facebook lives for instance more emotional room to persevere I stick to my projects even when I lack motivation better ideas and enhanced creativity I am open to new ideas I might come up

38:31 with new ideas for books articles or other creative projects easy access to more positive emotions I attract more positive emotions at the same time my mind rejects negative thoughts more easily by refusing to identify with them case two feeling mildly depressed due to my lack of results a lack of confidence I start doubting myself and all the projects I'm currently working on suddenly everything I do becomes useless or not good enough thoughts like what's the point I'm not going to make it or I'm stupid cross my mind needless to say promoting myself becomes a major challenge a lack of motivation I don't feel like doing anything I'm attacked by and am unable to escape negative thoughts

39:18 I have the same negative thoughts again and again which repeat like a broken record they seem so real and taint all my experiences a difficulty to take on new challenges I have little energy left over to leave my comfort and undertake challenging projects A reduced ability to persevere I have difficulty finishing tasks and I procrastinate over tasks I should be working on a propensity to attract negative thoughts I attract more and more negative thoughts although these thoughts may have been crossing my mind before now they stick fast by identifying with these thoughts I generate more negative emotions both cases happened only a few days apart the external environment was the exactly same but my emotional state was

40:03 radically different and led me to take different actions the magnetic power of emotions your emotions act like magnets they attract thoughts on the same wave that's why when you're in a negative State you easily attract other negative thoughts and by latching on to these thoughts you make the situation worse as Eckhart Tolle wrote In The Power of Now often a vicious circle builds up between your thinking and the emotion they feed each other the thought pattern creates a magnified reflection of itself in the form of an emotion and the vibrational frequency of the emotion keeps feeding the original thought pattern Eckhart toll now let's see what you can do to break free from that magnetic power

40:49 breaking the magnetic power of emotions let's say you have a bad day at work and you're in a terrible mood the negative State you're in causes you to attract more negative thoughts suddenly you fixate on the fact you're still single at 30 and start beating yourself up over it then you blame yourself for being overweight you also remember you have to go to the office the following Saturday which reminds you how much your job sucks do you see how much easier it is to attract negative thoughts when you're feeling low to prevent this from happening it is essential you remove the habit of clustering negative thoughts together real life example I have knee problems which prevents me from practicing many sports since I've always loved Sports

41:35 these injuries have been a source of emotional pain fortunately I seldom feel pain in my knees but when I do it can trigger negative emotions one day as I was observing my thought process we all have different Hobbies haven't we I realized experiencing pain in my knees negatively affected my mood triggering more negative emotions in a negative feedback loop the pain would cause me to focus on all the things that were going wrong from my work to my personal life as a result I would experience negative emotions for hours or even days the point I'm making is no matter how great your life is if you spend most of your time focusing on your problems you'll become depressed thus to reduce negative

42:21 emotions you must learn to compartmentalize your issues don't let your mind over dramatize things by clustering unrelated issues it will only make you feel worse instead remember that negative emotions exist only in your mind taken separately most of your issues aren't such a big deal and there is no rule that says you have to solve them all at once start noticing how you feel record your negative emotions look at what triggers them the more you do this the more you will uncover certain patterns for example let's say you felt sad for a couple of days ask yourself the following questions what triggered my emotions what fueled them over the two-day period what story was I telling myself how and why did I get out of my

43:06 slump what can I learn from this episode answering these questions will be invaluable and will greatly help you deal with similar issues in the future your emotional accessibility we previously saw you attract thoughts that matched your emotional state the opposite is also true you can't attract thoughts that are out of sync with how you feel at any given time even if you tried to think positive thoughts your mind wouldn't be receptive to them this is why during periods of sadness while positive thoughts may cross your mind from time to time you won't be able to associate with them and you won't be able to change your emotional state your emotional set point have you ever been told to cheer up when you were grieving or Express gratitude

43:53 when you were depressed did it help it probably didn't this is because the emotional state you were in didn't allow you access to these emotions in their book ask and it is given Esther and Jerry Hicks offer a model to explain how emotional ranges are connected and how we can move up the ladder from negative to more positive emotions for instance in this model depression or hopelessness is at the bottom of the ladder followed by anger what it means is that when you feel depressed signs of anger indicate you're climbing the emotional ladder this makes sense when you're angry you have more energy than when you're depressed right recently after being depressed for a while I experienced feelings of anger

44:39 for some reason I got tired of the stories and excuses running through my mind and I use the anger as a fuel to complete the tasks I had been avoiding as a result I was able to create momentum and climb the emotional ladder whenever you experience negative emotions watch for emotions that give you more energy so-called negative emotions like anger can help you overcome even more disempowering emotions like hopelessness only you know how you feel therefore if anger feels better accept it emotions and mental suffering did you know you create a lot of unnecessary pain in your life each time you lock on to a thought or hold on to an emotion you suffer a great example of this is how you react to physical pain

45:24 whenever you feel pain your first reaction is to interpret it when you do so you generate negative thoughts your identification with these thoughts is what creates mental suffering below are some of the thoughts that may cross your mind in these situations what if this pain never goes away what if I can't do x y z anymore because of the pain what if it gets worse what if I need to undergo surgery what if I can't go to work I have an important project I must finish on time with this pain today is going to be challenging I don't have money how will I pay hospital bills if things get worse this internal dialogue creates suffering but does nothing to help solve the problem you can still function properly and take appropriate actions

46:09 without dwelling on any of the above worries negative emotions are not the problem the mental suffering you create out of these emotions is another example of mental suffering is procrastination have you ever delayed starting a task for days or weeks just to realize it wasn't a big deal once you'd completed it I have what was the most exhausting part the task itself or the time you spent worrying about it or perhaps you didn't sleep long enough and keep telling yourself today is going to be a rough day as you imagine all the tasks you need to do you already feel exhausted psychologists have shown that mental suffering is what consumes most of your energy after all sitting a desk all day shouldn't be that tiring yet many of us

46:55 feel exhausted at the end of the day in his classic book how to stop worrying and start living Dale Carnegie wrote The Following one of America's most distinguished psychiatrists Dr A.A Brill goes even further he declares 100 of the fatigue of the sedentary worker in good health is due to psychological factors by which we mean emotional factors by Dale Carnegie people inflict a tremendous amount of suffering on themselves as you continue reading this book you'll realize the idiocy of this activity you'll notice people around you dwelling on a past they cannot alter you'll see your family members and Friends worrying about a future they cannot predict you'll witness people having the same repeated

47:40 thoughts running in circles to fight a problem that exists only in their mind for thousands of years Mystics have told us that problems are in our mind they have repeatedly invited us to look Within yet today how many people are listening too many of us are addicted to our problems instead of letting go We complain we play the victim we blame other people or we discuss our problems without doing anything to solve them to reduce this mental suffering we must refuse to interpret our emotions in a negative and disempowering way why problems don't exist if we go one step further and look at reality in an objective way we can say that problems don't actually exist here is why what

48:26 you don't focus on doesn't exist a problem only exists when you give it your attention from your mind's perspective what you don't give any thought to doesn't exist let's take a hypothetical example imagine you lost your legs if you accept that fact immediately and refuse to give it any thought there will be no problem and thus no mental suffering you would simply be living in reality of course that's usually not what happens a problem exists only in time a problem can only exist in the past or in the future and where do the past and future exist in your mind to acknowledge a problem you must use your thoughts and thoughts exist in time not in the present moment a problem needs to be labeled as a problem to actually exist a

49:12 problem exists only when you interpret a situation as being a problem otherwise there is no problem this concept may be hard to grasp at first but it's a key theory in the next section we'll look at the different components affecting your emotions action step explore the nature of emotions using the workbook section one what emotions are the nature of emotions part two what impacts your emotions your mind operates on the famous Computing principle of gigo garbage in garbage out if you do ill speak ill and think ill the residue is going to leave you sick if you do well speak well and think well the outcome is going to be well by om Swami from a million thoughts

50:01 emotions are complex and a variety of factors influence how you feel in this section we'll cover some of the elements affecting what drives your emotions the good news is you have some control over them if we exclude spontaneous emotional reactions resulting from your survival mechanism most of your emotions are self-created they result from the way you interpret thoughts or events however these aren't the only elements that affect your emotional state your body your voice the food you eat or how much your sleep also play a role in determining the quality of your emotions and therefore the quality of your life let's see how each of these elements impact your emotions the impact of sleep on your mood the quality of your sleep and how much

50:47 of it you get affects your emotional state you've probably experienced the side effects of sleep deprivation yourself perhaps you felt grumpy unable to concentrate listless or had difficulty dealing with negative emotions sleep deprivation can impact mood in many different ways according to a survey performed on people suffering from anxiety or depression most of the respondents reported receiving less than six hours sleep per night sleep deprivation also increases mortality risk a 2016 study conducted by researchers at non-profit organization Rand Europe estimated that people sleeping less than six hours a night had a 13 increased mortality risk than people sleeping between seven and nine hours

51:32 the same studies revealed that lack of sleep cost an estimated 411 billion dollars per year to the United States economy interestingly sleep deprivation also seems to reduce an individual's ability to enjoy positive experiences one study shows that while people who had enough sleep did experience a positive effect from such experiences no such effect was generated in people who were sleep deprived how to improve the quality of your sleep there are many ways to improve the quality of your sleep let's go over some of them make sure your bedroom is Pitch Black many Studies have shown that the darker the bedroom is the better we tend to sleep if your room isn't Pitch Black what can you do to make it darker maybe

52:18 you can buy a sleep mask or curtains that do a better job at blocking daylight avoid using electronic devices this applies to smartphones tablets televisions and the like according to sleepfoundation.org comma Studies have shown that even our small electronic devices emit sufficient light to mescue the brain and promote wakefulness as adults we are subject to these influences and our children are particularly susceptible a 2014 study published in pns showed that melatonin a chemical which helps regulate sleep patterns was reduced by 50 in participants who read with electronic devices rather than books these participants took about 10 minutes longer to fall asleep and lost 10

53:04 minutes of Deep Sleep also known as REM participants also reported feeling less Alert in the morning if your device has a light setting for nighttime use it may still have a negative impact on your sleep but just test the night setting and see if it makes a difference to your sleep patterns if you absolutely have to use electronic devices at night considering wearing glasses that block the blue light they emit it's best to put the glasses on a few hours before you go to bed relax your mind if you're like me you may have all kinds of thoughts running through your head when it's time to fall asleep I tend to get very excited about new ideas I have or things I want to do as a result I often feel as though there are so many things I could have

53:49 completed during the day and these feelings make it difficult for me to sleep aside from turning off electronic devices before bed I found that listening to soothing music really helps reading a physical book can also help me relax as long as I don't get too excited by the book which has been known to happen avoid drinking too much water within two hours of going to bed this one is obvious but still worth mentioning if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night it's going to interrupt your sleep pattern this of course will probably make you more tired the next day have an evening ritual this alone will help you fall asleep more easily it's best to try going to bed at the same time every night including the weekends if you like to go out during the weekend

54:35 and stay up late this will present a challenge but I encourage you to give it a try and see how it goes an evening ritual will also help you stay on track with your morning ritual it will be easier to wake up every day at the same time without feeling tired if you have a morning and a nighttime ritual if you do go out and stay up late during the weekend one thing you can do is still wake up early is during the weekdays and have a couple of naps throughout the day as necessary if you have difficulty sleeping well try to implement some of the things mentioned above the best advice I can give you is to keep trying different strategies until you figure out what works best for you using your body to influence your emotions our bodies change our minds our minds

55:21 change our behavior and our Behavior changes our outcomes by Amy Cuddy from social psychologists body language and body posture by changing your body language and your body posture you can alter the way you feel when you are confident or happy you expand your body and make yourself bigger have you noticed how men straighten their backs expand their chests and tighten their stomachs when they see an attractive woman that's an unconscious Behavior designed to show confidence and power the same way gorillas pound their chests in one of her experiments Amy Cuddy a social psychologist at Harvard Business School showed that participants who adopted a high power pose for just two minutes displayed characteristics similar to those of confident and powerful people

56:08 more specifically she noticed the following hormonal changes after adopting a high power pose for two minutes testosterone increased by 25 cortisol decreased by 10 and risk tolerance increased with 86 percent of participants choosing to partake in a game of chance after adopting a low power pose for two minutes testosterone decreased by 10 percent cortisol increased by 15 percent and risk tolerance decreased with only 60 percent of participants choosing to partake in a game of chance as you can see you can actually change the way you feel merely by changing your body posture or facial expression it is what some people call fake it until you make it for instance you can put a smile on your

56:54 face to make you feel happier conversely you can negatively affect your mood and even create a depression by changing your body posture David K Reynolds in his book constructive living explained how he changed his identity for his alter ego David Kent and created a depressed suicidal patient the goal was to be accepted as an anonymous patient into various psychiatric facilities to assess them from the inside note that he wasn't simulating depression he was actually depressed psychological tests proved it here is how he created depression depression can be created by sitting slouched in a chair shoulders hunched head hanging down repeat these words over and over there's nothing anybody can do no one can help it's hopeless I'm

57:42 helpless I give up shake your head sigh cry in general act depressed and the genuine feeling will follow in time by David K Reynolds from constructive living the benefits of exercising according to Michael Otto professor of psychology at Boston University failing to exercise when you feel bad is like explicitly not taking an aspirin when your head hurts when the time came for David Kent to bring David K Reynolds back to life what do you think he needed to do he needed to change his body position easy to say but hard to do when you're clinically depressed of course he knew that better than anybody else still he had to force himself to become Physically Active despite not wanting to do so

58:27 as he started increasing his physical activity and getting busy he felt better and better until he fully recovered David Kent's Story shows that regular exercising improves not only your physical well-being but also your mood Studies have shown that exercising can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressants in one study James Blumenthal a clinical psychologist at Duke University assigned sedentary adults with major depressive disorders to one of four groups supervised exercise home-based exercise antidepressant therapy or a placebo pill after four months Blumenthal found that patients in the exercise and antidepressant group had the highest rates of remission in his conclusions he stated that

59:14 exercise has more or less the same effect as antidepressants when he followed up with the same patience a year later Blumenthal discovered that people who were still exercising regularly had lower depression scores than people who only exercise sporadically exercise seems to not only help treat depression but also to prevent relapse so when it comes to mastering your emotions make sure exercising is part of your toolbox fortunately you don't have to run 10 miles a day to reap the benefits of exercise simply walking for 30 minutes five days a week can work wonders according to research published in plos medicine two and a half hours moderate exercise a week could add three and a quarter years to your lifespan

59:59 another study of 5 000 people in Denmark showed that individuals who exercised regularly lived five to seven years longer than sedentary counterparts as for the benefits of exercising on your mood they are both immediate and long-term professor of psychology Michael Otto says you usually derive a mood enhancement effect within five minutes of partaking in moderate exercise and as we've just seen exercising regularly improves your long-term mental health and can be as effective as antidepressants what about you what activity are you going to take on to improve your mental and physical health using your thoughts to influence your emotions you become what you think about all day long by Ralph Waldo Emerson from essayist and

1:00:46 poet your thoughts Define who you are and create your reality that's why you should Channel your thoughts towards what you want not what you don't want as the success expert Brian Tracy says the key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear the benefits of meditation in Buddhism the mind is often referred to as the monkey mind because Buddhists believe human thoughts are similar to a monkey relentlessly swinging through trees they are all over the place and never seem to stop meditation helps tame the monkey and cure it of restlessness as you meditate you become aware of the incessant flow of thoughts popping into your mind with practice you learn to distance yourself

1:01:31 from thoughts reducing their power and their impact as a result you'll experience less negative emotions and feel more at peace the benefits of visualization did you know your subconscious can't clearly distinguish real experiences from fake ones this means you can trick your mind by simulating desired experiences through visualization the more details you visualize the more your brain will interpret the experience as real by using visualization to elicit positive feelings such as gratitude excitement or joy you can condition your mind to experience more positive emotions as we'll see in more depth in the section conditioning your mind using your words to influence your

1:02:17 emotions your words have more impact on your thoughts and behaviors than you might realize because your thoughts words and behaviors are all interconnected they influence each other for instance when you lack confidence you use certain words such as I'll try I hope or I wish conversely using specific words can make you feel less confident this also means you can boost your confidence by using certain words such as I will for instance saying I will change career or I will complete this project by the end of this month will make you feel more confident than saying I hope I can change career or I'll try to complete this project by the end of this month to enhance your confidence replace words that show self-doubt with words that

1:03:03 display confidence as shown below words to be avoided would could should might try hope wish maybe perhaps if everything is okay if everything goes well words to be used instead I will absolutely definitely of course sure certainly obviously without any doubt no problem The Power of Positive Affirmations positive affirmations are sentences you repeat to yourself on a regular basis until your subconscious mind accepts them as true over time they help you condition your mind to experience positive emotions such as confidence or gratitude for more information on how to condition your mind refer to the section conditioning your mind

1:03:50 how to use positive affirmation use the present tense and not the future tense I am not I will avoid negative forms like I am not shy instead use I am confident repeat the sentence again and again for five minutes do it every single day without exception for a month and preferably longer use visualization at the same and involve your emotions some examples of powerful affirmations I love being confident I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others I am beneath no one and no one is beneath me I love you add your name and say it while looking into your eyes in the mirror for example I love you Tebow awkward isn't it exercise use positive affirmation for

1:04:35 five minutes daily notice words that show a lack of commitment confidence or assertiveness go over your emails before you send them and remove phrases such as I'll try I should I hope Etc replace them with I will or something equally assertive for the next three weeks challenge yourself to avoid using words showing a lack of confidence additional tip the world famous life coach Tony Robbins has been using what he calls incantation for decades before meeting a client or holding a seminar he uses both his body and certain phrases to put himself in the right State and to reach a level of absolute certainty as you perform you own affirmations try engaging your body as well remember your

1:05:23 words and your body affect your emotions how your breathing affects your emotions you can stay without food or sleep for days but you cannot survive past a few minutes without oxygen while breathing should happen naturally the truth is that many people don't know how to breathe properly as a result they don't generate as much energy as they could these individuals Tire more easily than others which affects their mood and make them more prone to experience negative emotions proper breathing benefits you in different ways slowing your breathing helps reduce anxiety in breath walk breathing your way to a revitalized Body Mind and Spirit gurucharan Singh Khalsa

1:06:10 and Yogi Bhajan mentioned the following benefits from slow breathing eight breathing cycles per minute relief from stress and increased awareness four breathing cycles per minute intense feelings of awareness increased visual Clarity heightens bodily sensitivity one breathing cycle per minute optimized

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