MHA Webinar Episode 36: I don't like the way I look.

0:01 [Music] I sing this song for [Music] every I sing this song for [Music] afria not or jokingly or being mischievous we pick somebody's body part and we re insults for some it doesn't go with them myself I received several several but you know I'm used to those who know

0:47 me uh my friends tease me with how my pot belly looks like and I laugh and this season has started long ago before now but for for others they cannot deal with it and of course it also impacts on how we feel about how attractive we are our body esteem how we value our body body shame we wanton show our body to others and all that these are all issues associated with our body image and for others it has gotten to that point that they say I don't like the the way they look

1:33 like and for that matter it's impacting on their mental health that is the discussion that we are going to do today we find how it has resulted and most importantly how they can help themselves and in fact this is not is is not a male or a female thing it's both male and female yes the statistics and research assume that it impacts more on female than men but for female uh they have their body image psychological wessing between the ages of 10 and 16 so for us as parents if you have a daughter between that age you need to be careful when you're are talking about her body

2:19 and it gets better between the ages of 16 and 24 that's some research by some colleagues for males between the ages of 10 and u 24 it fluctuates but it's better than the female so we are going to discuss and see how we can help so it's not for us alone but for our children and for our siblings and all that everything that we do here that's the essence of it so let me introduce my facilitators for today um ladies first so I'll introduce the lady Among Us uh Dr kol Matias Oz she's an educational

3:09 psychologist works with the Thrive care Ghana and uh through her institution also works with the mental health youth space Dr Carol are you there yes I'm here I'm here good afternoon sir good afternoon good to see you thank you it's good to see you too good good good our next facilitator is Dr Jonathan odami he is a clinical psychologist as well as a lecturer as the a senior lecturer as that as well as um a clinical psychologist at the University of Ghana labor he's a

3:54 licensed clinical psychologist with over 15 years of clinical professional experience a senior lecture at the University of Ghana Department of distance education so much interested in mental health and education and he's not a new person to this platform Dr damin how have you been today thank you very much Dr ATA I'm doing so fantastic by the grace of God good good good um our next facilitator if you took particular notice of the flyer our next facilitator should have been Gloria igazi um thank God she's in good health

4:42 uh this morning unfortunately she had an accident but she's in good health she's alive and well that is why she's not able to join us so I ask all of you to pray for her for good health for her so that next time she'll be able to to join us uh luckily we have another well-known person on this platform Dr Isaac Newman Arthur he is the medical director and clinical psychologist at the University of professional studies arra he's also the pr for Ghana Psychological Association a part-time lecturer at Family Health Medical University Central University and Daniel Institute he is no

5:29 he's no stranger to this platform ik so for us him and Dr dami and M they are all they are all veterans to this platform so we will go by first names and that is that is fine with us I how have you been today in fact I had to pull I have to pull ik out of a meeting to join us and he's also always ready to to support you will be how have you been today my brother stressed but is okay good me start with you I I I did a beef

6:18 int about what body image and all that so what is body image and how does it influence what influence our body image uh so uh when we talk about body image uh basically we are looking at a person's perception about his or her own body how they think about their body and how they feel about it and it's maybe some characteristics of their body so we're looking at the person's size whether they are too big or too small or even if it's average size they may still have some problem with it then the shap um how how it looks like you know may

7:04 look at the head you know at the trunk the the the hips the legs you know and various various parts of the body the shape of it then again to how it is attractive overall so you look at the attractiveness of it overall and that attractiveness of it is dependent on what is societally acceptable or what they themselves think is acceptable or not right so H this is a basic thing about about the person's body image so it may be a positive body image or a negative body image and so uh when people have a very negative perception about themselves and they feel you know negative about themselves then they may

7:50 have a body image problem and it actually affects every aspect of their lives and and I'm sure that is what we're going to talk about yes great fantastic so Dr Dam Alis um social media social media is causing so much it's at his good side and has it bad side and uh for our children adolescent how has social media impacted on their perception of their body image thank you very much Dr and I want to since you said to this seminar is our first seminar I want to wish all of us a happy New Year and I

8:39 pray for God's blessings for us this year so in terms of social media how uh social media has impacted body image for people and especially the youth I believe that most of the time uh let me look at it from unrealistic standards that social media May tend to bring you see sometimes people go to social media with zero expectations or they have some level of expectation they see people on social media and they're like wow I wish I was like this person I wish I had the shape or the body of this person but often times uh of course most of the

9:24 time most of the pictures that people may see on social media and if I say social media Facebook Twitter and the rest some have been photoshopped and some have been edited edited images so people look so perfect in those images and this tends to affect people or the youth because of that unrealistic standards that have been set outside so most people when they go on social media how there's a term called comparism trap where these people where people compare themselves with the bodies of people who they see as influencers who they see as celebrities and who they see as um Role Models so

10:10 there's that toxic Trend where people want to do certain surgeries plastic surgeries they want to do a lot of exercises they want to do a lot of extreme workouts because of what they see on social media so for instance a young boy who who is like 18 years and I like what you said the statistics you said that research has shown that 10% to 24% of the youth are being influenced by social media so for instance a young boy sees a fitness influencer with six packs all over the chest and the body and the person will be like ah as for me I don't have this kind of body and what is happening so you see that perception

10:57 that every gentleman or every guy should have a sixpack tends to influence the person's self-image or self-concept and that is social media or a teenage girl watches Tik Tok you see sometimes when you go on Tik Tok people are doing all kinds of advertisements how to lose weight there's a tea there's a meal there's a medicine and there's that and people will tend to starve themselves so that they will look thinner or they look younger so in this case social media really has an impact on people's image especially among the youth thank you thank you very thank you very much so um Dr Carol for you to top it up I

11:42 think that with this perception uh we've been behaving in certain ways that has become routine people see it as a norm it's like exercising too much and others I want you to spell it out for us that we've seen it as a norm it has become but which invariably uh is risky and they are unhealthy can you expatiate more on that for us thank you very much I think I think dram started to hit on a couple of them I think definitely a lot of what we see now there are all kinds of concoctions and detox stuff that you can drink and you know we have no sense of of of whether or not they actually healthy

12:28 whether or not they actually effective um what dosage what the ingredients are but you see them advertised all over the place people drink them you know quite like it's it's it's nothing like it's normal and we've accepted it but we actually don't know the harm um that is doing is doing to to our bodies the other thing that we are seeing quite a lot of um has a lot to do with you know intermittent fasting and I know there are lot of people who take this intermittent fasting Trend to you know very un healthy um um extent but that's also something that has become um quite quite normalized almost in terms of just this idea of skipping meals as a way to kind of um to lose weight or or or to look a certain way another thing

13:15 that we are seeing a lot of also a lot of diets different diets that are popping up constantly where you know one specific diet where you don't eat for example no carbohydrates at all and you know understanding how the body work and the needs that the body has you know we know carbohydrates you know it it plays an important role um and it's just an issue of balance but you have these diets where people are encouraged to cut out certain food groups and nutrients all together um all of those things are things that have become quite normalized but that are um uh in the long run can be quite unhealthy thank thank you so so these these are the things that we need to be

14:00 conscious of that we think that we are using them to address our the perception of the image that we have with regards to our body and so it has become normalized like you saying advert is being made Slim Tea uh deto diting avoiding avoiding the Cs and all that but invariably and in the end they are risky and unhealthy to our system yeah let let me add one more one more that I forgot it has to do with skin skin this idea of skin toning um and and bleaching bleaching essentially we're calling it toning and this idea now that you know you have to

14:47 do everything to ensure that I think they sell it as making sure that your skin your skin tone is even but eventually for a lot of people what happens over time is that it lightens their skin um and so with a lot of the Soaps and the creams that are advertised and it's become quite normal because you know you'll you'll see even big Billboards all across you know a c advertising cream that are obviously you know lightening people's skin so I think that's something else too that I think has to do with body image um that has become quite normalized so we need to be careful about this normalized behavior that people are even applauding because this Billboards and so you enter somebody's bedroom or a friend's bedroom

15:34 she has this expensive cream for toning in invariably she's killing herself let's get into it uh ik body image and mental health what has happened so much that uh people's mental health has been impacted as a result of their per perceived poor body image so uh the when it comes to even knowing whether someone is mentally healthy or not there are six functional areas ability to cope and adjust form and maintain meaningful relationships uh you know contribution possibly to society uh Independence and all kinds of one of them in terms of a person's assessment of a person's mental

16:21 well-being is the area of a person's self-perception uh it's also one of the aspects that we look at when it comes to someone's mental wellbe right and there are multiple things that influences that and impacts a person's mental well so the first one I will talk about H is is childhood experiences any negative childhood experience can affect a person's self- perception and particularly for parents significant others you know kids form their identity based on affirmations from significant others so you have a parent who uses body part to insult a child I remember we had an intervention for about 40 kids in the Eastern region who had had some suicidal behaviors over

17:07 the past two years and one of the girls said that she's 10 years said that two years back she did something at home and the the father insulted her by saying that your face looks like an animal right you don't say those things to kids even when you say those things to a an adult you know you see how we even respond to that for kids they internalize it it becomes part of their identity so adverse childhood experience particularly with words and the things in in an environment where we use a person's body parts to to to insult them I remember there was another person to1 can't even do presentations

17:54 in the University so any time there's a group presentation you always be hiding because because they've always insulted him with his body parts you know and so he he actually feels very very shy and anxious standing in front of of of of of you a group of of people so child experience and abuse any form of abuse physical verbal emotional abuse sexual abuse as a way of damaging a person's self esteem and identity bullying in school you know I've had clients who have been bullied because of their size in school and that has really really affected them and then to I think we talked about undesirable you know body you know qualities by the society so you have a certain beauty is defined in many ways by Society you know there's this

18:39 African town I forgotten the I think it's one of the countries where having a pot belly and not the ghanian type of Port belly normal Port belly the bigger your Port Bell the more attractive you are and the more likely you find a mate you know and so if you are in an environment you may think there's something wrong with you right and in Africa we have a way of defining what beauty looks like in Europe you have a way of defining what beauty like those kind of definitions can affect a person there is also a lot of research that has been done about obesity and even when it comes to Childhood developmental delays intelligence issues autism and stuff like that and you realize that body image may even be as high as 81% image

19:26 isues as high as 81% you know amongst you know people who have some kind of intellectual problems then again to diseases things like people are going through some form of disease like cancer issu with obesity and all that people who also have you know some nutritional problems like anorexia bulimia neosa and those things and they are all you know risk factors for stuff and again disability anybody with some form of disability you know so maybe they have some physical disability that also influences things and also pain you know when people have chronic pain they assign pain to a certain image and they actually have a certain Focus attention on that particular part of

20:12 their body that is is painful and they may actually you know have some body image issues regarding pain or some you know there's someone I know who has a lower back pain you know pelvic pain a lower back pain for years and that is even affecting her mobility and stuff like that and because of that he's always putting on some form of weight you know so the factors are multiple and the impact is enormous the impact is enormous it affect the person's self-esteem the ability to navigate relationship there are some people who have decided not to even have some level of relationship because they afraid of the comment and whatever people will say the spouse will say about their image you know it affects the pursuit of their goals in life some people who decide not

20:59 to pursue certain courses certain professions just because of how they see themselves it affects their relationship and also promote some conflicts in a relationship then on the level of mental health we look at anxiety disorders uh depressive disorders and all that body dismorphic disorders and those things right so every aspect of a person's life it affect the person right so for us in in clinical practice when we are talking about about weight loss there is a way we talk about it we talk about weight loss for the fact that it is unhealthy when someone has obesity not based on image issues so we don't tie image to obesity we tie

21:45 health issues to obesity so for example when someone comes to me in the Consulting and has a problem with obesity what I say is that lose weight not because it's not nice but lose weight because it's unhealthy the moment we pair an identity with a person's body structure or form then we are creating problems right then we are creating problems so it's always good to be able to have a proper way of even addressing issues like that otherwise it may compound the already existing you know mental health issues that the person may be facing right so these are some of the the issues when it comes and the actually and let me make this statement about even teenagers you know there are three things that

22:31 characterizes the Adolescent years when it comes to the Adolescent growth in terms of mental they develop their own World Views what is this life about they develop their own identity who am I and also they develop Independence those three things so you realize that identity issues are big thing for for what you call adolesence and depending on their affirmations and whatever they have receive at home and the level of care they receive at home it either makes it worse or not all right thank you very much Dr Carl would you like to add something to what I has said no I think I think he's covered it all I think he's covered the very extensive um impact that you know body

23:16 image has on on mental health issues and I and I really appreciate him you know touching on the te teenagers especially right because it's a it's a big transitional period like he said identity development is is really front and center at that time and so um and so is body image sort of like development at that point because at that point for teenagers there are there are a lot of things happening with their bodies like there's a lot of changes going on with their bodies hormonally and so how how we help them navigate in terms of building a relationship with their bodies and the changes happening with their bodies at that time is really really important right because for a lot of for a lot of adults you know if we look back at teenage years especially with regards to how we felt about our

24:02 bodies the changes that were happening with our bodies um that's where a lot of you know issues of Attraction and how desirable you are you know to the opposite sex there's an awareness that you know starts to to come on the scene that isn't necessarily there when you are a child and so the teenage years are very very critical when it comes to um body image um issues all right all right so body image and mental health is not as simple as we say it comes in all forms and Dr Dam how far how far to what extent can the impact go because I've seen this this documentary

24:48 bodged surgeries and people go to have surges to change certain parts and it gets horrible and they still go people are bleaching their skins so my question is to what extent can body image impact our mental health to what extent how far okay thank you very worse can it get yeah thank you very much and um I want to comment on what Dr Newman said and um about when he mentioned obesity a study had been conducted just last year that was 2014 and the study was conducted in Kumasi in fact the study is online so we

25:36 can all have access to the article and read and it's so fantastic the study was looking at the impact of body image and perceive stigmatization on the psychological wellbeing of OB best women in Kumasi metropolis and the findings indicated that most uh people felt that it was good to look very very big because if you look big in fact from the stady findings in our ghanan culture being bigger is often seen as a good thing so people believe that a larger body means the person is worthy the person is healthy the person has so much money and the person is being taken care of so because of these cultural beliefs many Obed women in Kumasi do not feel bad

26:23 about their bodies and are comfortable with their sizes so this even tells us reasons why people may tend to be obes May tend to eat very very very well to become so big I know also in our ghanian culture okay of course this is a comment I want to pass when a lady gives birth is expected that she eats very very well to get breast milk for the child and this may make a lot of women to gain more weight because of course if the lady doesn't eat well and doesn't look fresh within the that three month period where he or she is on leave people will be like ah is your husband not taking good care of you so the culture in which we find ourselves also H precipitate us to eat more or to look big in appearance

27:10 and it also has its old implication but what you asked you see a lot of factors comes into these things when we want to look at body image and self image but we have to understand these Concepts so that we can really have a very big picture you see we have what we call self-esteem we have what we call self-concepts and self-image the way you believe you are you get it it's your self-concept and that victorial image that you have is that image about yourself so I believe I am strong that's my self-concept you get it and I see myself as responsible that is your self-image and how you evaluate that turns to affect you so you realize that most of what we are saying is looking at

27:57 the impact has on the person and that will look at the self-esteem and that is where the mental aspect would come into place where people would tend to be like when I look at myself in the mirror I am ugly I have a friend who was like Jonathan I don't want to take a selfie picture I don't want to look myself I don't want to look at the mirror because when I look into the mirror I see that what I am ugly so such a person will be forced to go and do a surgery will be forced to go through all kinds of medications or all kinds of treatment just to regain that look he or she thinks he has to look and that is where people would be like okay fine let me go to Italy let me go to Turkey and the rest to do all this plastic surgery

28:44 because they want to be accepted in the society for instance you might have a girlfriend or a boyfriend who tells you that I like ladies who are fat as when Dr Caro was talking he was talking about bleaching some men likes women or ladies who are fair some men likes women who have some particular shape so that pressure even from your spouse or your relationship can force you to do certain things that you don't want in fact about three months ago I had a case of someone that I was looking at and that person had a dysmorphophobia which is a condition fear of body image it's part of the somato form disorders the person feels that he he looks ugly everything shows that he's beautiful but he she

29:30 thinks she looks ugly such a person would spend every money everything he has to do just to please people and to look beautiful so realize that most of the time the thoughts that I am ugly I am not beautiful people are teasing me people are doing this people are doing that is what may let people to do all kinds of things for instance I had a friend who wanted to get married in January and there were issues with the marriage so it was extended to March so the person had to wait for two months and at that time she had already sown her wedding dress do you know what she was doing she was fasting so that she wouldn't look big in the wedding

30:17 dress to the extent that she even started developing Ula and she had to put a stop to it so such a person wouldn't mind going to do surgery just to fix in the wedding dress and to look so nice so these are things that people start to think about and it will predispose them to go to do all these kinds of surgeries and the rest and we also know that nothing is perfect in this world everything has its own consequences and on the day people may regret because sometimes these surgeries too comes with all kinds of restrictions and even all kinds of medications that the person must H take so the thoughts how people are seeing me how I see myself am I being accepted am I looking

31:03 nice am I looking this am I looking that is what would let people go to the extent of saying that I don't like the way I feel I feel I should be like this I should be like that for instance I have a friend he's so skinny he always wear big big dresses I was like ah why don't you wear your size you understand if I wear my size people will see me as a small boy as a as a secondary school boy but I am old so for instance you see such a person because of people's perception he now fills his wardrobe with big big dresses just to look Pleasant in the eyes of people so all these things are things that would let someone go to the extent of doing a plastic surgery to feel acceptable and accepted in a society thank

31:52 you to sta to sta themselves and all that ik would you add something to it oh I I think it's fine and I agree with whatever he said yeah because it's kind of horrible um let me read let me read a few comments that have come in and others could also share their comments H Nadia she's saying it's getting out of hands uh b sometimes our colleagues tend to question how you look if in case you are growing fat or

32:37 lean some of these things patients aabi the plation of so-called Beauty plugs which Market Beauty enhancing product influences negative body Images um Sharon quashi doc can you please repeat the three things you said the teenagers develop the three things I was that you it was me okay uh Bernard aqu Jackson hello can the links to such articles be shared in the ACT Dr dami somebody will be

33:23 interested that you share the links to the Arles please I'll put the link there right now so that people can read and more insight okay Nina blankon some of us are body shamed even with the texture of our voices being tiny as compared to societal acceptance of voice tone don't be ashamed Nina don't be at all the most important part of this conversation is helping ourselves so let's get to that because we have let me answer I think about the

34:10 three things the three things yeah three things yes so I said development of world view the person's world view what is this life about identity who am I then again to uh Independence world view Independence and identity those three things yes I think Dr is we've lost him right so uh just to add a bit I realized that when it comes to relationships uh when people have entered relationships and they've had received negative comments about their body from their Partners it influences behaviors that drami talked about so

34:56 there are some women who think they are not good enough for Any Man based on how they look and it may be a product of some past relationships that didn't go well you know and comments made in those relationships and for example pregnancy changes a woman significantly you know uh because of you know baby issues surgeries and all that and so sometimes if uh the person's spouse you know the way they comment about their bodies they no longer do that you know it may affect their their self perception about about about their image it looks like we've lost Dr so um in moving on uh

35:42 dram if you could throw more light if someone is going through something like that what should the person do in order to be able to improve on their their perception about themselves what should thank yeah thank you very very much Dr ATA so uh what should they do you see you should focus on your health and not your looks do you get it because you see you can't leave your life to please others you can't leave your life to please people and I like what you said when you used um the pregnancy as an as an example a lot of women when they get pregnant some of them even it affects their skin color I had a woman who after

36:28 pregnancy was having some stretch marks on her ties some women even gets rashes and the rest because of H childhood complications and I know some women also who after child birth they have big bellies big stomachs and some some women to that extent would even be wearing cets so that their stomachs would become so flat You' see H change is inevitable we are all growing you see that one is his nature the as you grow as we age there'll be wrinkles on our bodies they'll be like this they'll be like that they'll be like that so you have to accept nature and move on like that but where you want to focus only on your looks and not your health where you you

37:13 are not even eating well and the rest and you want to please others it creates a problem I had a woman for instance who was telling me that the husband is always telling her to wear high heels and one time he wear high heel and she slipped and she broke her leg and the same husband was consoling her telling her I'm sorry for everything that I put you through and the rest so you see we should focus on our health and not to really please others and again we should also um of course I know we get to that we should not be so much into social media and what we see most of the time in fact when H Dr ATA gave me this topic I was like ah people who put nice

37:58 pictures upon themselves but please excuse me this is It's a seminar who will put a picture of him or please excuse my language in the washroom on the WC on social media in constipation see when you're when you're in constipation and you want to release yourself look at even Sometimes some people scream on in the washroom you put a picture of that on social media no you see so what we see may not be the reality in fact even um by my picture on that I sent for the poster you see I had to tell one of my students that CH this is a high-profile seminar I want a very very good iPhone and they gave me somebody who has a very good iPhone to

38:44 take a very nice picture and I said please I'm very very dark but on the picture let me look a little bit fair so somebody will see me hey this doctor is so fair but in reality I'm very very dark so what we see outside may not be the realities so please let's be ourselves and be happy about the way we look and we will not have any kind of mental problems ER affecting us yeah so Dr ATA please you can continue thank you dog thank you very thank you very much technology did the thing so I dropped off but I'm back uh umani is saying that you are too f must kindly repeat

39:29 like three things the person who send me M for for repeating myself all the time for repeating yourself send M after here so identity Independence and world view they develop their own world view what is this life about two who am I identity and and three Independence they want to be by themselves and unfortunately parents don't don't get that so they become more combative with their their folks right and that is where even because of these three things that is where H peer influence will go up so when you go to various secondary schools and stuff you realize that they are in certain groups and those groups

40:15 have similar characteristics because they have accepted themselves and they understand themselves so those three things are important world view identity and Independence okay she's got he he he he's noted now Ania says my mother said my arms are big when I was 15 I am 21 and it still affects the way I dress uh Esther now I'm going through I'm also going through this problem but H well let's let's have a solution to this let me start with you um Carol yes

41:00 we need to undo this perception of poor body image right we need to do undo that how do I build positive body image for myself thank you that's a great question I think I think maybe one of the things I want to highlight a bit is there might be people who are listening to this and and even though we've given some indications there might be people who are wondering whether or not they have a body image problem there might be people who are you know wondering whether or not they have a negative image problem and I think in in order to be able to address it you need to be able to to name the thing right so what I would ask

41:46 people to think about some questions to think about is you know like Dr ARA said whether or not your feelings about your body interfere with your relationships your work your daily activities right whether or not you find yourself doing Extreme Measures to avoid seeing your body people I know who won't walk past mirrors or when they walk past the window they don't want to look at themselves if you find that you're compulsively checking and rechecking your body constantly checking your weight or constantly even examining yourself in the mirror um even for some ladies you know there are some ladies who wear excessive makeup all the time even to just run an errand from their house to the supermarket yet they can't step out of the house or they can't allow anybody to see them without makeup

42:32 do they do you find that you are always trying to cover different parts of your body um like Dr Alam said are you partaking in excessive plastic surgery do you use harsh and unkind words to describe your body right or do you find yourself sometimes intentionally even damaging your body do you experience negative emotions when you think about your body these are all indications that maybe your body image is is an is in an unhealthy place and you need to do something about it and so I think it's important that we think about it we think we approach this in two ways if somebody already you know is at a certain age and they realize you know maybe through this conversation that well my relationship with my body isn't healthy there's one way to approach it but I also think like you said because

43:18 they are parents on this platform I think I want to start by answering for example what can we do as parents or adults or as a society you know when we are thinking about as children are growing up how we help them develop positive body image right and like Dr ARA said it's about the things that children hear right here we have somebody sharing that she heard something at 15 and it still impacts her today so it's we have to be intentional about what are we constantly communicating to Children explicitly and implicitly right some people directly yes insult children with their body parts but sometimes children too are just listening in on ation right and picking up on different things that they hear that give indications for example about what society's expectations or

44:06 standards of beauty are then they look at themselves and they compare and they realize oh I don't fix this mold right that can impact their body image also representation is important right so we are talking for you know adults and teenagers we talking about social media but even for young kids right the kind of the kind of cartoons they want the kind of dolls they have access to play with right are we exposing them to things that really are a fair representation of who they are when they look at the cartoons they watch do they see little children that look like them right what messages are we sending to them about what they look like by what we are exposing them to so all of those things are important so in our homes in our schools um in our you know churches

44:52 whatever religious organizations communities we belong to how are we speaking to children about the way that they look right and also what things are we doing toage them to feel positively about their body right are we affirming them are we teaching them to affirm themselves and then if this is somebody who already you know in adulthood you realize you it's important that you acknowledge that this is the problem you can't deal with something until you name it right so being intentional about naming what it is um that you are dealing with and then in in addition to starting to do things like appreciating your body um being around people who have a positive relationship with their body checking how you're talking about your body um

45:39 you know affirming yourself redefining beauty in different ways it's also important that you you find what the source of your negative body image is because if there like Dr ARA said if there's some trauma linked there then it doesn't matter what you do to your body physically you will still feel the same you know with a lot of people who are dealing with body dysmorphia for example they may lose weight right they may have the surgery and go from being a size you know 22 to a size 10 or six but when they look in the when they look in the mirror they still see themselves as you know the person they used to be which tells us that then they haven't dealt with the deeper psychological um issues that are there so it's important that you figure out okay what is the root of

46:25 why I feel this way about my body was this something I experienced as a child was it something that was said to me was words that were used against me and it's important that I start to deal with that trauma and work through that trauma in addition to you know redefining what beauty is and then the important thing is also focusing more on the function of our bodies versus the way our bodies look because focus our body then we are able to appreciate more the things our bodies do for us versus is the way that our body looks right so if you spend time thinking about the fact that instead of your stomach being you know you're unhappy about the size of your stomach right but focusing on the fact that you know your your your stomach or

47:10 that region of your body you know houses and protect some of you know the vital organs that your body needs right thinking about the fact that if you're unhappy with your skin think about the function and the fact that you know the skin being one of the most important organs um that that our body has um so focusing more on the function of your body as opposed to the way your body looks is also another way to start appreciating your body more thank you very much ik yes uh es she says sometimes I look into the mirror and I ask God why

47:59 now the conversation we are having now how can she build that positive in addition to what Carol have said and her statement that she's made what advice do you have for her yeah so I I think that Dr Carl has touched on the essentials tracing you know the source where is this coming from and redefining yourself uh that redefinition is based on your own self-perception and not based on what others are saying so for example if someone says you a foood and you feel like you're a foood it may not be because they said you are a foood but because of your own perception about yourself that you're a fool so someone

48:45 may say tell you you're a fool but if you don't see yourself as a foolish person it will the impact of whatever they said won't be as great as it was meant to be so for me for example I I'm handsome whether you accept or not so when someone tells me that when When someone tells me oh you are not handsome I I know I'll say that's your business you know I am handsome right so your perception about yourself is more important than the perception other people have for you know about yourself so redefining who you are in that R defition you need to see yourself beyond the limitations because you you are more than the limitation so people have genuine stigmatizing you know physical

49:31 conditions right so someone may come and say um you know I lost my limp and that is a physical kind of limitation but people Define them by those limitations they Define their whole existence by those limitations and she said ah what are you saying and I said you are a beautiful person you are very resourceful person you are a talented person you are you are very very gifted in many ways you know you are intelligent so people can Define their whole existence by their limitations and that has to change you are more than your condition and so you cannot Define Yourself by your limitation that is why now even

50:16 healthare sectors we are changing some usage of certain words we don't say a disabled person we say a person living with a disability we don't say a hypertensive patient we say a person living with hypertension because people are more than their their limitations and people have to Define themselves you know beyond that then again to people should identify and focus on their strengths you know when you know who you are and you you focus on the strengths and the and the positive things about your life you know the negative things actually lose you know weight you you tend to lose sight of the the negative things so focus on your strengths and really when you magnify your strengths

51:02 you realize that those limitations are even not important in anyway so identify your strength and focus on those strengths and be a better version of yourself instead of wanting to be a photocopy of another person be a better version of yourself you know through self-improvement you know self you know personal development and stuff like that you know and sometimes it's really not about who you are but how you present yourself that is important so why not learn to dress well you it's really not about your size it may just be about how you appear right so you may have to be a better version of yourself instead of a photocopy of yourself you know those days I even remember myself the way I

51:49 appear when I show you a picture you'll be surprised you know but now I learned to be a better version of myself and I look at I look I look better I look good right not because I had an identity problem but sometimes you just have to improve on you as a person you may be an elderly person but you know how to dress you may be an elderly person but you know how to present yourself I think those things are even more important than even your your your you know who you think you are in the first then finally maybe I'll add that there is something in Psychology we say positive self statements positive self statements and that is when you look in the mirror and you speak to yourself right those statements

52:34 are very very important positive affirmations positive self statements so you tell sometimes I look in the mirror I said no you are a fresh boy they believe yourself too much if they believe yourself too much whether you agree or not that is your problem know but positive self statements are very very very important you know when it comes to proving on about yourself and stuff these are the things and and and see yourself the way God sees you see yourself the way God sees you please a minute yes yeah you know see yourself at the way God sees you I think that is important because he created you and he has given

53:20 he didn't create you to disadvantage you right God won't create you to disadvantage you particularly for relationships and marriage we still in February if someone cannot accept you in your naturalness that you have to significantly change yourself to be more attractive to the person it means you were not created for that person because God won't create you to be disadvantage to meet your spouse God won't create you to around there are a lot of women who are changing their body parts in order to be attractive to whoever they want to marry the moment that happens it means that you just you know in the company of the wrong person because the person who is meant to marry you they love you for who you are in your naturalness that is what I I wanted to add thank you very much so

54:05 um Esther you have it redefine redefine yourself perceive yourself that you are beautiful focus on your strength God created you in his own image what more do you ask for it didn't create you to be at a disadvantage and talk to yourself positively Dr Dam there are some comment there are some comments here still talking on these things because I know that these comments will will will get you some additional ideas um M you my father said my legs are like Cava sticks these were the insults I was

54:52 talking about we get it in there and it doesn't go away but now I'm so over it thank you to a great extent I wear the high heels he admonished me not to wear it is what it is I look a lot like my father and I was told I look like a man so I don't like taking pictures due to that meanwhile I'm a woman so okay Antony do the three things are centered on self-esteem that is knowing yourself and being proud of who you are really are and be selfconfidence from

55:38 Tony the balance give you I know him very well Unice Mahone women who have the atomic change after child birth dtic Rey um and uh and being constantly asked if there's another baby on the way after child bir like like Dr n was saying the atomic grows we and they are being harassed Jones quo please what is the role of parented style in body image challenges I feel some people develop

56:25 these challenges through how parents refer to them when growing and comparing them to other siblings and other children that's very true that's that our next form of discussion after drami makes his stop up patience social media and the presentation of acceptable body Images is in recent times is getting out of hand I couldn't agree with you more patience un this Mahone women who have their stomach change uh after child birth and being asked if you're expecting again you repeated yourself okay it's true you

57:13 look handsome and gorgeous Ike Beauty says you look handsome and gorgeous M having confidence is a huge plus because it helps keep you in good place and and ways and it's attractive people say it too Abigail I am someone who had a normal weight back in shs but I began to lose weight when we were preparing for our wasi and since then I haven't been able to regain my weight I have been to hospitals thinking that there is something wrong with me but no there isn't it's been seven years and

57:58 now and now my mom sees me and asks if I sick of something and gets me worried some even think that I did an abortion and see it as a CA the worst of it all is from my big sister whom I'm staying with she constantly make me feel wless with her comments about my body just because I wasn't like before Esther okay thank you Nadia see yourself the way God sees you naturalness I appreciate your words Nadia how do you deal with this oral fixated

58:45 individuals in groups in social media this fix so Dr Dam I think that picking up from what um uh what's her name what abigael said how how can we help somebody like that yeah from what Abigail said um I want to know okay that there wasy issues here and there someone asked the normal is it about AB Go's question ab's question that the worst of it is from my big sister whom I'm staying with she conly make me feel worthless okay so um

59:31 my comments you see there's what a statement that we normally say that charity begins at home so what we tell our children what we tell our siblings what we the comment that we tell them has an impact on their self-esteem and their development so these negative comments you are to too fat you are too slim you are too skinny you are like this you are like that in fact honestly I was in a therapy room with a family the mother the the the the father and the child and the mother had an issue with their father and in the therapy room insulted the child but the

1:00:20 way he did the insult it was more for the father because he told the child that is all Papa you see telling a child that his head is baked like the father in it a very very bad comment and it will affect the child's self Este so you realize that most of us the kind of environments we find ourselves in and the kind of things that people tell us it's not only on social media you can decide to be off social media but the home environment itself contributes to these things where people feel worthless people feel useless and the rest and I also want to comment on someone's um question that he talked about the parenting Styles because realize that we can't talk about the family and not look

1:01:08 at parents and the role that parent also plays in terms of H body image and self-esteem so you see the a parent parenting style has a major impact on the child's body image and their self-esteem so the way the parent talk about the child's appearance and even Sometimes some parents may even compare their children with other kids in the environment and it all tends to affect them and it makes the child to feel insecure for instance if the parent is authoritarian is authoritarian parent where the parent is so strict you tell their child why do you look like that you should be more like your siblings your siblings are always happy they

1:01:53 always playing and only you you're like this you need to lose weight you see these criticisms and this comparison when the child grows up there's a lot of hatred in their bodies and they will seek external validation but you see the question is you are you and that is enough I can't be like someone and you can't be like somebody else and some parents who are very very pessimistic where they are they tell their their children that they have to eat certain kind of food do certain kind of exercises and the rest and this can even lead to body neglect because the child would be so much over concerned about their look and some parents who uh neglectful it's another style they are emotionally distant from their children

1:02:39 they ignore their children's or their child's emotional needs so if the child has a problem they can't even approach their parent because if the child tells the father or the man that I even have this problem the First Response will be an insult to their child so all these things are parenting styles that tends to affect the self-esteem of children as they grow so we have to deal with these helpful comments even from Friends old friends and the rest there are some people who don't want to go for old schools meetings and Gatherings because once upon a time there was a negative comment that was passed on the WhatsApp platform or was passed to them concerning their body shape or the way

1:03:25 they look like and it is still affecting them and you see sometimes I always say that if you believe in something you tend to exhibit it if you believe if you um think about problems you will get problems if you think about blessings you'll get blessings so if somebody has passed a negative comment about your look that you are cute or you are tall or you are slim and you are like this and you accept those kind of things into your spirit indirectly you have invited those things and you'll be exhibiting it but if you have a cognitive restructuring because if you look at the the chat room somebody talked about how cognitive thoughts and distortions tend to affect us it is true and what Dr

1:04:12 Isaac said you see we need to have positive affirmations the way you think about yourself how you handle people's comments and statement in fact in the course of the discussion I was asking myself those who tell us we look ugly those who tell us we don't look like to what extent are they perfect to what extent are they in fact are they also the most prettiest in this world I want to use this platform to say that nobody is perfect you don't have a perfect human being you can't be perfect but you can be a better person of yourself and you have to appreciate yourself if you appreciate yourself you see the goodness you have you can't be like somebody we can't all be fair we can all be dark we

1:04:57 can't all be tall we can all be cute and that makes God beautiful we all come in different shapes and different sizes and that's the beauty of nature so please charity begins at home the family has a role to play you realize that most of the comments that we have put on in the child room there is a root cause and the root cause most of the time may not even be from our friends but from from the family so I believe that family members friends the community and the rest also has a role to play when it comes to our body image and how it affects our mental health thank you thank you very much thank you that was a Adonis you're welcome I've seen

1:05:43 you uh Dr Carol now I want us to do a bit more of parenting here as parents we need to take care of our children because from our discussion so far developing poor image and having that perception more often than not starts from childhood and I mean research have t have told us that I mean females between the ages of 10 and 16 that's when they image Wesson they self-image Wesson okay so as a parent in what ways can we help our children to

1:06:32 develop positive body image about themselves dram was ahead of us so but I mean God created us in his own image and we are all beautiful in our own way so as parents how do we deal with this aspect making sure that our children develop positive body image of themselves um absolutely I think that's a great question and we all know that you know parents are the most um or one of the most influential role models for for for their children right and parents can encourage children

1:07:18 to feel good about themselves feel good about the way they look by for example first and foremost leading by example and show showing them how it's done because we also know that developmentally children catch more than they are taught right children learn when you model things for them so they are constantly watching um and more than the things you tell them to do they are also watching what you do so the first thing i' ask parents to think about is um are you modeling a positive body image positive relationship with your body for your children to see to reflect on your own relationship with your body right and and try and get a good sense of okay what are the ways in which I'm showing up around my children that they might be picking on right I had

1:08:05 a I was working with a family and you know the the teenager the teenage girl was struggling with you know anorexia she had really poor body image and you know in working and working with the family we found out that she had her mother necessarily wasn't saying mean and horrible things to her but the girl her whole life had been watching her mother have a very unhealthy relationship with her own body right so her own mother had anorexia her own mother would eat and then PGE and throw up she would hear her mother make comments about her own body right and how she needed to be thinner so it wasn't that her mother was doing anything to her directly but this child was just watching how Mom herself was treating herself and she was learning from that so it's important that you are

1:08:51 leading by example what is your own relationship with your body what work through some of the own issues you have when it comes to your body be intentional about the the conversations you're having that your children can hear the comments you're passing about your own body when you're talking about other people the comments that you're making it's important that you are leading by example um when when it comes to to to helping children build body image um it's also important that you get your children into F into a having having habits around physical activity right because when when children feel good about their bodies when their bodies feel good they tend to feel better about their bodies so it's important that you

1:09:36 make sure that your children is getting some level of physical activity it can't be that on the weekend they are indoors playing video games the whole weekend or you allow them to watch TV the whole weekend every evening be intentional about creating a habit of physical activity and health um in in your home and with your children find a team sport that they enjoy get them involved in different physical activities so that they are physically they are healthy and it helps the way they feel about them bodies their bodies right and then it's one that you also help them to feel confident about themselves a strong sense of identity like we've established and selfworth right they are crucial to how kids feel not only about their self-esteem but also their body image

1:10:22 right so talk to them about their body IES when they have questions about their bodies answer those questions right don't shy away from those things don't don't make certain topics taboo right for them to talk about don't don't label them as bad children when they have come to you with questions about their B definitely like we've we've established the way you speak to them about their own body is important right don't it's important that you're not insulting them with using different body parts even even even jokingly know we we say we use the phrase obolo a lot like in a very joking in a very joking manner in this culture but you talk to people in their adult and they've carried that with them for a long time right so how you speak to them is important and then

1:11:09 also like we' just established being proactive about you know teaching them positive things about their body so encouraging them to speak positively about their bodies encouraging them to affirm themselves encouraging them to know what their identity is um and the image in which God has created them you know teaching them not to compare themselves to other people um teaching them to know what their strengths are and what the function of their bodies is and their ability to appreciate those functions and then obviously as they get older being also intentional about how much access they have to social media um and and and even when they do have access to social media teaching them to use and engage with social media in their healthy way being

1:11:56 intentional about okay what what accounts and who are they following and based on that what kind of things are they are they being exposed with so I think it starts with you leading by example um and kind of like showing them what kind of body image you want them to have based on how you are are kind of carrying yourself involving them in physical activity so their bodies are healthy so they can feel good about their bodies and then also just being intentional about that identity and selfworth um B encouraging them affirming them and then also you know being intentional about the things that they are exposed to I think a couple of things that that they can do thank you I are you

1:12:45 there hello I'm around I'm around okay good okay so before you come on I know you have something to add but let me read a few comments here before you come in felici sap if appropriate yourself it makes you confident Nadia how do we deal with these oral fixated individuals or groups in social media the fix um Richard Isel fake life especially from

1:13:30 social media also adds up to the challenges people these days the unnecessary pressure people give to themselves we need to practice self love always reality therapy spouses should stop judging the partners as if the world as if the world is coming to an end we must do everything with love and heal this hurting World Nina blankson as someone who people as a someone who people constantly mimic my voice make fun of it and even go to the stand of calling it fake an equivalent

1:14:18 to a bed how do I approach these people do I have to talk back to them or always fold back and shy away from people with a fear of people making fun of my voice I from what from where uh Carol ended continue for us bringing in in perspective what um this lady is saying I mean all all these things are things I think that she's she's experienced it right from childhood to this point and is still

1:15:03 bothering her so as parents how do we build that positive self-image please please take over okay so just to add uh to what Dr Carol talked about it starts it starts from every stage of of the child's development right from even uh what you breastfeeding you know breastfeeding starts emotional development of a child you know when a baby is neglected by the mother it actually develops into some poor emotional you know wellbeing as they age so something like breast fin is not just the breast milk you know the interaction with the mother and also the father uh helps with with the development of the child play a child that is not playing is a child that is

1:15:49 not growing know children learn pick up vital you know life information while they play with other kids you know so now kids are not playing much well enough with with you know other kids because of gadgets and stuff like that so parents would have to ensure that kids are having you know humano human contact you know through play it helps with you know the development of other forms of intelligence that helps with the function of an adult then again to choosing one child over the other you know destroys a child's you know mental well-being you know so sometimes a father would choose the first born mother chooses the last born and middle born nobody chooses them that can really damage them and sometimes parents choose

1:16:37 kids with special qualities you know so you have a child who can sink is is smarter or plays you know a football and something a quality that a parent likes they are likely to treat that child differently than other kids and that can impact them you know significantly and all that so some of these things and we talked about abuse fysal verbal emotional sexual abuse actually Dam damages a child so these are some of the few things that I want to add to what Dr Dr Carol talked about

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