Full transcript of “Role Play: Person Centred Therapy”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:01 [Music] um okay Max I understand that you have some concerns that you'd like to discuss today um so whenever you're ready I'm happy for you to voice whatever it is that you'd like to talk about yeah well I the bottom line is that I'm having some difficulties in my relationship with my wife and I very uncertain about actually being here and it's bit embarrassing talking about these things with a
0:46 stranger yeah so you're feeling a little bit uncomfortable discussing such personal information with an outsider yes it is um a bit awkward brought up to solve your problems yourself yeah and and you don't go out outside the family you don't take your problems to strangers and I I would normally do but also I realize now that given the the the depth of the problem that I also need to get another perspective on things okay all right I guess um what I generally say to people when they first come along is that it's not uncommon to feel quite uncomfortable talking to an outsider about such personal information and um even though I can't predict exactly how you're going to feel and how things will go for you today I do know
1:32 that in the past a lot of other people have have actually felt quite uncomfortable to begin with but as they've been able to talk and and get things off their chest they actually feel quite relieved so you might find that that as we spend more time together that you're more comfortable in this environment too well I hope it works out that way yeah yeah we'll see how we go well it was a friend of mine who' been involved in counseling previously who suggested that this is what I I should attempt to do anyway see where okay okay and you were saying before as well that um that normally you like to solve things yourself and and work things out yourself and um I think it's quite a balanced perspective to to be looking at how you're going to resolve things yourself and also to get an outside
2:19 perspective as well so um I can see lots of benefit that can come from from that dual approach well I I haven't succeeded in doing it by myself so yeah it's worth it go yeah so perhaps we can we can shed some light on on some helpful approaches for you yeah okay um I guess to help me understand your situation um it would be helpful if you could talk a little bit about what's been going on for you and what's brought you along well uh I suppose things have just deteriorated in my relationship with my wife Angelina we've been married 11 years now we've got two kitties Johnny's nine and Jackie his Serv right and she's very busy in her job and she's always
3:05 been a I suppose a bit of a control for right she likes things to be just so and uh occasionally she would what I would call it lose the plot and she'd yell at me and abuse me but um in the past that was never a problem because we could sit down and talk about it and and she'd recognized that she'd probably gone over the top and and whatever uh but lately it's really just gotten out of hand and it's uh it's she's not controlling her anger or temper and um it it really concerns me now because uh I think it's starting to affect the kids right okay so it sounds like to begin with she might often become quite angry but she would settle down and you could resolve things but of late it's become a
3:52 lot more volatile and um she's become more explosive and and you're really concerned about the impact on s and the children yeah I mean the kids are young and um uh I mean John John he's a boy and he seems to be handling things okay um but you your always uncertain as to really how things affecting him Jackie's uh Jackie's only seven as I said and uh she's a lot more sensitive and I just she's not really handling things to well at all yeah and uh and that's really starting to um yeah put a lot of extra concern to me yeah okay so it sounds like you've you've got a lot of concerns about both the kids and
4:38 John's probably handling it okay outwardly even though obviously he's feeling it but Jackie you're particularly concerned about cuz she's quite delicate and you're worried about that impact and all of you are walking around on eggshells at the moment um just waiting for some kind of explosion to happen does that sound right uh well I'm concerned about the kids but I'm concerned about the marriage it's it's important to me to do what you can to keep things together because that's that's better for the kids yeah but if I had to single out one major concern it would be probably for Jackie okay because there's been a few incidents lately where um the kids have been exposed in the full Glory of this sort
5:24 of volatile angry behavior and um and that's really they started worry me a lot right okay yeah I guess I'm I'm very impressed to um to see how much you're you're obviously devoted to the children and you're certainly putting their welfare first and you want to make sure that they're in a stable environment so that they're okay and I think obviously that's that's a credit to you as a father that they've got you available those kids just mean everything to me they're just a to light I mean they're they're just everything yeah okay okay yeah yeah and it's really clear when you when you talk about them your face lights up so they're obviously they're obviously very special and very important yeah okay all right um just in
6:12 terms of helping me to understand exactly what's going on between yourself and Angelina that's that's causing you such distress um would you be able to give me perhaps a a recent example of of a time where you did have some conflict and and talk about what happened um yeah a couple of weeks ago um she'd been very busy so just to make things easier for her I went out of my way and on the way home from work and and picked up a dry cleaning right and I got home probably half an hour late what I normally would and um she didn't ask me why I was late or or whatever she just went into a tie rate of abuse right and um wouldn't listen to any comments or
6:57 observations I had to make about it and uh probably the worst part for me was that both the kitties were there and uh and you could see uh particularly for young Jackie the the impact it was having on it and uh it just um uh really just broke my heart okay okay so that sounds like it was very upsetting for you to be involved in that extremely upsetting because nothing I said or did was was was going to ease the situation yeah just went on and on and on until she she burned out of the anger oh okay right yeah and what actually happened after um after she did burn out um what happened with the kids in terms of helping to well the kids the kids were
7:44 very restless that night um they were very clingy to me yeah um they shocked and surprised these things have been going on for a while but this was the first time the kids had actually been fully exposed to yeah to the U I suppose the full spectrum of the abuse and the ranting and raving and just the volatile nature of it really quite hostile okay so that was a specifically bad incident yeah and and how often does this tend to happen um it's episodic um it's always there underneath the surface um sometimes it might be sometimes it might be every day yeah sometimes it might be once a week once a 4 night um that's because there's no
8:33 rhyme nor reason to things that's actually adding to the the difficulty because um it's I find it starting to affect my work right and uh I think myself and the kids are starting to walk on ills a little bit right okay and that's that's very unhealthy environment for the children mhm so it's it's affecting the children but it's spilled over into your work environment as well and you're feeling uncomfortable when you're at work is that right I find myself sometimes not focusing on my work and and thinking about how can I fix things up at home so that um you know Angelina is more settled this more more peaceful harmonious life um that we used to have uh the kids lives are not so disrupted
9:19 they're not exposed to this yeah intense negative emotion right okay so it sounds like Max for you it's a very constant and unrelenting stress it's it's at home it's at work and you're feeling it it's um it's starting to be uh non-stop in terms of my thinking okay I think about it work I think about it at home yeah uh walking on eggshells yeah uh when Angelina goes to sleep I'll stay awake thinking in terms of what I might be able to do yeah me sometimes I just think I'd like some peace and I'd like some peace for the kitties uh um um particularly young Jackie because I think she's really feeling it and I
10:05 wonder whether maybe I should just leave um so at least the kids can have some peace cuz if I'm not there maybe Angelina won't have a Target it's a big step isn't it yeah yeah it's a big step to take to think of Le yeah I've I've thought about it I I've never discussed it with anybody but hearing myself say uh that leading the relationship would be a a possible solution is um um it's a bit threatening to the whole stability of the kids because um I think it's
10:51 important to do whatever you can to keep the relationship going and ultimately if if we can work at resolving these issues then um the kids will be a whole lot better off yeah as part of a family group me taking off and uh having to battle through explain everything to the kids later on have a fractured lifestyle right right um okay max if I could just summarize what we've talked about so far um you explained to me that you've become very frustrated and and tired and I think worn out with a lot of the anger and a lot of the volatility in the relationship that you have with Angelina and you very worried about the impact on both Jackie and John and you've been so
11:39 worried in fact that you've considered leaving uh but it's also occurred to you that that's a a major step to take and it's one that you would prefer not to do and that that makes you think that you want to even work harder to actually restore things between yourself and Angelina and and work things through so that um you can actually be be more harmonious and and live together in peace as a family would that cover it for you yeah that summarizes pretty accurately where we're at at the moment oh that's that that would be my strong preference right right walking out would be a copy of yeah I'd probably I'd probably handle it but that would be so difficult for the kids yeah yeah okay
12:25 okay well I guess um this might be a as good a time as any just to draw things together and perhaps finish for now and um perhaps if you wanted to work with me on this I'd be very happy to support you in whatever it is that you'd like to do in the future in your relationship with Angelina and and restoring the family to what it once was and and moving forward I'd be really happy to do that because it's I think a lot lot a lot of things have been clarified for me I think I've got a better perspective of what the options are and what the uh and what the downsides of silly thinking would be okay so I I really appreciate talking with you okay all right thanks man thank you very [Music]
13:23 much
