When Women PLAY GAMES, Go Hot & Cold, or IGNORE YOU (Do "THIS" to Flip the Script on Her)

0:00 so why does a Woman Act hot and cold towards you why does she send mixed signals what does it mean and how should you handle it that's what we're going to cover in this video hi I'm Bobby Rio and maybe like a lot of guys you're dealing with a woman right now who's really hard to figure out you're constantly analyzing her behavior you're looking at all the clues does she like you doesn't she like you I've been there with the sheet of paper right and the two columns one filled with everything she's doing or saying that tells me she likes me the other column with things like canceled plans or didn't text me back for 2 days or caught her staring at the bartender and you can go crazy analyzing her behavior I've coached guys who've literally come to me with a timeline of evidence mapped out like they're trying to solve a case and in a way we kind of are but here's the number one reason it's a complete waste of time to analyze

0:49 a woman's behavior and it's very simple 99% of the time she doesn't even fully know why she's acting the way she is or how she really feels about you if she's sending you mixed signals it's because she doesn't know what she feels so it's a way of keeping you interested while she figures it out now when you're going through this and when you're getting this type of behavior from a woman you cannot come at it logically because you'll never change her mind or get what you want from her if you try to logically win her over so you don't try to change a woman's mind you change her mood so what does this mean well I work with clients who when a girl's acting this way their first impulse is to talk it over with her to ask her what she wants to have you know the convers ation you want to be like listen just tell me if I'm wasting my time or what's the deal or

1:34 and the thing is right I get it as guys we hate what I call the gray area the gray area is that uncertainty it's the not knowing it's the am I wasting my time or you wonder if you're like the chump you know the guy who can't take a hint it's like maybe I'm an idiot and she's like laying in bed with some other dude reading my texts like laughing about them with him but of course it never fails what do they call it Murphy's law that just when you're like screw it I'm walking away she sends you a selfie or something something and you're like what's going on well well one thing you got to realize is that women don't have nearly the aversion to the gray area that we do in fact they need it in a lot of ways it provides the tension that keeps her attention on you I talk about this in another video of mine on my channel the tension secret and I really recommend watching it if you haven't already but the reality is the minute you try too hard

2:20 to clear things up to figure out where you stand with her you wind up eliminating the tension that was necessary for her to develop strong feelings towards you now being in limbo with a girl is the absolute worst because it sends you into something that I call emotional quicksand where it gets to the point that this girl is all you can think about it's all you can talk about and you're putting other areas of your life basically on hold waiting for her to figure out what she wants and the big problem with emotional quicksand is you never make the right move when you're in this state of mind I explain it like there's this inexperienced virgin Whispering crappy advice in your text her again maybe her phone is broke tell her you love her but it's only just been 2 weeks just tell her right and a lot of lot of guys laugh and go yeah right I'd never do that but trust me you know we've been coaching guys for over 15 years now and the mistakes guys have made

3:06 already when they come to us is even shocking to me sometimes and I've seen it all but when you're in this state of emotional quicksand and we've all been there you'll convince yourself to Sender the flowers or to write the heartfelt email or to buy her a gift like that's what's going to finally tip that scale in your favor or this voice in our head causes us to act extremely extremely needy where we just need to get to the bottom of it right and you're like like you're with her and you just can't help yourself from saying did I do something wrong is is something bothering you do you like me what's going on but all of that just pushes her away see here's what's going on with her here's why you're most likely getting these mixed signals and it comes down to three things okay the first is that women take longer to fall in love there's been all kinds of studies on this and they almost always find that men fall in love faster reveal their feelings faster decide that she's the one

3:55 faster which kind of goes against The Stereotype that women are more emotional and rtic in relationships but this is just the way it is now from an EV evolutionary perspective this kind of makes sense because women need to be a bit more cautious when it comes to falling in love because they bear greater risk they have pregnancy they have ruining her reputation they have choosing a loser who can't provide for her or protect her in the jungle so a lot of time what her hot and cold behavior is signaling is that you need to slow things down not end things but you need to slow down your interest level a bit and give her time to C catch up again we all know women are confusing so it's easy to be like well she texts me five times a day and she sends me good night texts before bed every night and you know I'm just doing what she's doing right like why is it okay if she does it well what I always say is that as a man it's your job to set the pace and slow her

4:45 down if she's moving fast in the beginning don't always follow her lead because even though she was the one initially you know moving things fast at some point she's going to think this is moving too fast and she's not going to blame herself she's going to blame you she's going to feel a resentment towards you or a hesitation towards you and she's going to put the brakes on so you have to proactively slow her down okay so the second thing to keep in mind women are constantly testing us it's programmed into them and when she's not sure about her feelings these tests will increase you'll notice her making you know kind of stupid comments even saying slightly insulting things or things that when you read between the lines they display a little bit of disrespect towards you or she might cancel plans or forget to text you back or just become just more flaky in her behavior and the mistake that too many guys make when this starts happening is they double down on their

5:33 interest if her schedule gets uh busy the GU calendar gets super open to accommodate her availability whenever you reward her bad behavior you're failing her test I've been writing a new book called The Invisible game and one of the things that I spent a lot of time covering in this book is how almost all the tests a woman throw at you every single one of them are all designed to uncover one specific thing how easily can she tame or control you how quickly will you deviate from your masculinity to appease her and it's very hard for a woman to ever let herself become attached to a man that she sees as weak or easily control and one of the easiest ways to appear weak and to lose her respect is to reward her bad behavior now I've been doing this a long time and I understand the fear that's likely going through your mind here it already feels like you

6:20 know you're hanging on by a thread so if you don't clear your calendar for her you might never never get to see her again or if you call her out on her [ __ ] you're scared that that thread might snap and you lose for good but that's part of the test right you have to kind of realize that that's part of the test are you willing to walk away not tell her you're walking away not threaten to walk away but do your actions your attitudes your behavior do these things demonstrate to her a willingness to walk away I'll give you an example I was out once uh with a girl that I had been seeing for maybe a month or so and something was up right it was very noticeable something had been up probably for a couple weeks at that point and we're out and she's just not putting any effort into the conversation we've all experienced it where it's like pulling teeth and she seems distracted and I just know something's up right and she's making a few comments that they're not insulting

7:08 but I guess the way I would describe him is like unnecessary right she's saying unnecessary stuff like it's obvious that she's poking me a little bit probably looking for me to say something so she can blame me for ending things right maybe if I get mad she can go oh you're too controlling I would give her an excuse to end things so I sense all of this and I very calmly I call the waiter over and I go hey can we get the check and I say to her this is isn't fun tonight if you're in a mood or whatever that's cool hit me up when you're feeling better right and she kind of tried to protest but I paid the check I wrapped things up now to be clear right I was not mean about this at all I didn't act hurt I didn't act sad I didn't act angry I didn't even really make a big deal about it it was more of a something's off let's do this another time but the underlying message was I won't tolerate this and if this is how you're going to act I'll just walk away here's the deal there's always a chance that she will walk away and that's okay it's way better to end things

7:56 with your dignity intact than to Chase after her and play this stupid game for 6 months when she's stringing you along but in this situation a few days later she actually reached out and she apologized and she invited me over to her place to cook dinner for me what I'm about to say might get me in a little bit of trouble and I can already imagine like somebody taking this clip you know sharing it out of context but sometimes women are like little kids and you got to treat her that way see she's going to see what she can get away with and she respects you a whole lot more when you put your foot down when you set a boundary that she can't cross okay so here's the Third thing you got to keep in mind her attraction fluctuates and this is kind of something that's a little harder for guys to wrap their mind around because we are very visual we are you know our attraction I mean if we want to admit it or not a large percentage of our attraction to a woman comes

8:45 down to our physical attraction towards her if we find her really really hot and sexy and beautiful there's not much she can do in the short term I mean eventually if she's batshit crazy or just a complete [ __ ] it'll turn us off but for women it's a little bit different right for a woman it's your behavior it's your attitude it's like your seeing your strength seeing your weakness you know seeing what you can all these things cause her attraction level towards you to fluctuate by the day sometimes by the hour and you want to imagine that like there's a thermostat and a 100° is hot and 30° is cold now if you're not doing things to actively keep her interested and attracted to you that thermostat's going to drop now is that fair well the way that I look at it is again not that men are so superficial that all we care looks obviously we want the girl to be someone we

9:31 get along with we want all these other qualities in her but the reality is that if that same girl gained you know 25 lbs overnight our attraction might drop well for her if you come across really weak or really needy in a moment that attraction is going to drop you just have to accept it you can't be mad about it or blame her or think that it's unfair you just have to accept it that her attraction is fluctuating and it especially drops if she senses that maybe you're not as cold or interesting as she first thought that you were now if you've ever met a woman and I you know as an introvert this happened to me a lot back in the day right where there's just some days you're feeling on and you just know that for whatever reason it's like you're charming and you're funny and you're flirty and you just have this this sort of confidence that maybe you don't always have and then you hang out with her again maybe a few more times and now maybe you're a little more

10:18 insecure than you were that first night a lot of times this happens because once we realize like we like her we start acting differently or this used to happen to me years ago also when I was first working on improving my game and and and you know I'd go out and I'd learn different techniques and i' try out these things that I learned with her you know little techniques and stuff and it would work super good right I'd be using this flirty material and i' tell her these stories and these lines and I'd get this really strong attraction but what would happen is then I'd go out on a date with her and now I have to fill 2 hours of conversation and that fun guy that I was in a small dose is now reverting into interview mode and I'm asking her the same boring questions every other guy has asked her so when this happens her initial attraction drops now one thing want to kind of call out and recommend if you're having issues on dates I do want to recommend something

11:03 very quickly my friend John has something called the first date formula where he Maps out exactly how to spike her interest move things physical and leave the date with her wanting more and for my viewers he's doing something super cool the course normally cost $47 but he's allowing you to download it for whatever price you want basically pay whatever you want a dollar if that's what you have or that's all you can afford right I'd grab it if I were you I I'm going to put a link to that below but so now I'll tell you a few things that you can do though to actively increase a woman's attraction and her interest level but first here's a fact when a woman is fully into you it's Crystal Clear okay she makes time she hangs out she clears her calendar to be with you it doesn't matter if she has to get up early for work she'll sleep over if she's tired after work she drinks a cup of coffee and she meets up with you on the other hand if she seems interested but she's wishy-washy

11:53 when you try to get her to meet up or when you hang out with her she's not fully invested or she uses you know having to get up early as an excuse to go home it's because her attraction level just isn't high enough and when I'm working with a client sometimes it's kind of hard to be the you know Kill the Messenger when I have to be the one to say listen man when a girl likes you she will drive you know 2 hours in a snowstorm to hang out with you if she's not coming over because you know she's got a meeting in the morning she just doesn't have that strong level of attraction towards you if her attraction was high enough she would be there this is why what the average guy does never works right you don't increase her attraction by having a serious conversation with her or giving her a gift or confessing your feelings or any other things that we mistakenly do so how do you handle these mixed signals okay first off you have to regain her attention if

12:38 she's not super eager to hang out it's because you don't have enough of her attention anymore so the formula is that attention equals attraction and value equals attention what does it mean it means we pay attention to something that we place value on so you have to do things that increase your value in her eyes let's imagine this from your point of view as a guy we place a lot of value like I said a little bit earlier on a woman's look right let's just be honest we do so if a girl wanted to get our attention Again by raising her value she might dress sexier she might look hotter she might get closer to us touch us more right she might go dancing and dance sexy and do things that kind of capture our attention by increasing her value and a lot of times that would be enough to rope us back in well women don't value looks nearly as much as you do so like a lot

13:25 of times I know that when I was in this situation and a girl you know I hav an ex-girlfriend or a girl was pulling away I'd be like I'm going to put on my best shirt and I'm going to go and get a haircut and I'm going to meet up with her and that's not going to like do much for you right cuz women don't value looks nearly as much as men do now you obviously want to look your best but you have to realize that that's not going to increase your value to the point where you get more of her attention sure if a woman you know finds guys in suits sexy and she's never seen you in a suit and you post a picture it might get her going M oh wow you know but it's much better to use value bait that women respond to like pre- selection right pre-selection is the idea that you're selected by other women so women place value on men they think other women want to be with it's a very simple concept you probably know this at least on an instinctual level so I'll give you an

14:11 example I had a client who was dating a girl who started telling him how she thought maybe they were better as friends so I had him join a local hiking group and of course there were girls in the group and he made friends with uh one of the girls and now when he's talking to the girl he's dating he's telling her about the hiking group and this girl Michelle who was cool and now when Saturday rolls around and he's excited to go hiking guess what happens the girl who was losing interest in him is suddenly worried that he's going hiking just to talk to this other girl again and now his value goes up and he gets more of her attention women also value fun so if you're always sending the same boring generic how's your day going text you lose her attention but if your texts begin to create some emotion in her make her laugh make her smile you get her attention and your value goes up it's also why the worst thing that you can do when a girl is giving you mixed signals is to

14:58 try to have a serious conversation with her about it because guess what that's the opposite of fun now flirting and teasing is fun right and that's one of the first things that a lot of nice guys get good at I coach a lot of guys who are really good at that aspect of being attractive they can be funny they can be flirty with a girl but then they still wind up in the friend zone why is it right why doesn't this work on its own because there's an element of fun that nice guys miss out on they miss the important truth that one of the biggest qualities of fun is uncertainty it's not knowing what the outcome is going to be this uncertain cty is what makes a woman chase you it's if someone is staying within the boundaries of acceptable conversation talking about PG related topics and being politically correct all the time they're just not that exciting right nice guys struggle because they seek to conform to a woman's expectations I talked about this actually

15:45 in another video about this idea of just being yourself well really what you're doing is you're acting out this nice guy conditioning that so many guys have been programmed with so you think she wants me to act gentlemanly and then you try to act that way and when you do this you become very very predictable it's like watching a movie where you already know the ending that's boring for a woman it leaves her nothing to think about it's you know think about sports right sports are fun to watch it's fun to go to a sports game because you don't really know what's going to happen next you don't know who's going to win you don't know who's going to lose you don't know what the next play is going to be but think about it if you knew all that in advance right well that's what a woman is like when she's dating the average nice guy she knows everything that's going to happen in advance so it's no longer fun right more fun is the guy who just says whatever's on his mind and takes the conversation wherever he feels like going because a little surprising right that's a good emotion surprise is a fun emotion you might call this guy a jerk sometimes but the sexy part

16:35 of him is not his jerkish behavior it's simply the fact that he doesn't conform that she doesn't know what she's going to get from him he tries to kiss her on the first date at the end of the date she doesn't get the text from him saying good night right she doesn't know what to expect she engages with him because it grabs her attention which makes her place value on him we all engage more when things with we don't know the outcome something is more valuable if it's not predict okay and when something's valuable we have their attention and the more we have their attention the more we get her attraction that's one of the big reasons why jerks or whatever you want to call them very often get a lot of attention and attraction from a womb now to help guys create uncertainty I created a video where I walk you through a technique I called the Scrambler you can watch that in the description below I'm going to put a link for that below too cuz some guys

17:20 will say this sounds like a game why are you trying to trick women and I explained to them that the Scrambler is actually really fun for a woman it's giving her exactly what she wants it's creating a movie that's exciting for her to watch because she doesn't know the outcome you're giving her the highs you're giving her the lows you're creating expectations and then you're breaking those expectations and it helps you become a challenge now another thing women value is masculinity and this kind of ties back to what I said earlier that when a woman is testing you in a lot of ways she's testing your masculinity she's testing how easily you are controlled and how easily you are tamed because the more masculine you you're acting the more feminine she gets to be and that's really the role that she wants to play so taking the more dominant masculine role leading the vibe being the one to be a little bit more bold to take risks with her that's

18:08 going to increase your value get her attention which will get her attraction so next one of the most important things you have to do is stop chasing validation when a girl's sending mixed signals we start to chase her validation because we don't get it very often we Chase it but as I say when two people get together one person always tries harder and the person who tries harder holds less power power in the interaction what's also going on though is something called a validation vacuum which means if you ask her out on a date or you're meeting up with her there's this validation vacuum where one of you is going to be trying to get validation and here's the thing when a woman is sending mixed signals the guy very often goes into validation seeking Behavior right he's trying to get that validation back from the woman and what's happening by chasing her validation

18:54 he's actually chasing her away instead you want her to feel like you're no longer looking to get that validation from her you've got to create a subtle ship where she's looking to get validation from you again and again that's a big part of what I show you how to do in the video where I teach you my Scrambler technique again there's a link to that below now all of these things work because these are things that women value okay but for some reason as guys we've been conditioned to believe that if we want to change a girl's mind or increase her attraction we have to give her flowers gifts or compliments when really what you need to do is increase your value saying that here's here's an important thing to remember she has to offer value too okay I'm not going to let her off the hook if she can get your attention without putting in any work or offering any value back your attention becomes worthless to her besides that you shouldn't want to be with a woman

19:40 that doesn't bring anything to the table other than her looks but if I can sum up this entire video it's change her mood not her mind if you're getting mixed signals or hot and cold Behavior take it as a warning sign that she's not fully invested enough in you and you've got to begin doing things that increase your value so you get more of her attention because more of attention means more of her attraction whether that's being more fun more masculine introducing uncertainty or getting her to chase your validation these are the things she values and things that'll change her mind about you way more than confessing your feelings and if you want a step-by-step plan again watch my Scrambler video I'll put a link below and as always if you found this video helpful hit the like button leave me a comment and let me know what you want to see covered next and also if you haven't subscribed already make sure you subscribe so you don't miss future videos