0:00 and he goes I usually date white women because they're easier to deal with I don't really like you know date black girls but you know you don't count cuz you look mixed like you're mixed oh my gosh am I too black for certain men I'm looking around in Brazil most of these girls they look nothing like me at this party all of these athletes are black men they're black none of them are speaking to darker skinn girls I've honestly never struggled with identity as a black woman until recently and we are going to talk about it let's try this again hey you guys welcome back to another episode of let's try this again I am your host B Sone if you have never been here thank you so much for tuning into my podcast oh my
0:47 gosh you guys we are almost a year into podcasting I've been a podcaster for about three years but this podcast let's try this again is about to be a year old I cannot believe this what oh my gosh happy anniversary it's coming but we're going to do an anniversary episode but yeah I'm really excited about that if you have never been here before thank you for tuning in thank you for giving this podcast a chance I hope you enjoy it go check out all the other episodes we got about 45 episodes plus that you can just binge watch go binge watch start at episode one start at the beginning and watch my journey watch The Evolution watch the healing the growing the evolving if you are a OG thank you you for coming back oh gez ho y'all know every Monday the
1:34 audio drops on all audio platforms every Tuesday the visual drops on YouTube you guys you guys you guys I cannot wait to get into this topic I am so excited to talk about identity crisis oh my gosh you guys I've honestly never struggled with identity as a black woman I've always loved my hair I've always loved my skin I've always loved my curls I've always loved my melanin I've always loved my big juicy lips I even try to make them bigger you already know my story on lip filler I had lip filler okay I've loved my nose I've Loved just everything about being a black woman I've never experienced this until recently and we are going to talk about
2:21 it you guys this episode is so important because so many black women women excuse me struggle with um accepting their your s because of society standards because of social standards and I just want to really really highlight the importance of loving yourself loving your skin loving your melanin loving your hair loving your features loving every aspect of you no matter what environment you're in no matter what people's opinions are no matter what the media and Society is Plastering all over the Internet and the news and the Billboards and the magazines you are enough you are beautiful and that is what this episode is about out identity crisis baby this let me tell y'all where it all started because I need to get down to
3:07 the nitty-gritty of why my mind even went here and why all of a sudden it was an issue because I am 34 years old and I don't think I've ever dealt with this or had these type of thoughts in this capacity so I was in LA with my home girl Connor shout out to Connor one of my best friends love girl love you s um and I like my girl and Connor this is important so I'mma explain what Connor look like now if we got to have a picture pop up we got to have a picture pop up Connor is half black half white right but um she identifies as a black woman her hair is Curly her skin is brown um but you know to society and to the world she looks like a mixed girl she might look Dominican she might look
3:52 Puerto Rican she might look black and white but she doesn't just look only black only ethnic she doesn't look Urban right Connor is light skinned curly hair um but her mom is white her dad is black she identifies as a black woman though when she goes to the doctor she doesn't check other she checks African-American when she is speaking she's speaking excuse me from a black woman's perspective um mentally she thinks like a black woman her features are a black woman from her nose to her skin to her curly hair she identifies as a black woman but like I said she looks mixed right um or racially ambiguous is that the word am I using that right yes thank you guys so much for nodding behind the camera because I do not want to get eaten up y'all know how y like to how
4:38 y'all like to tussle especially when it's about race and Blackness okay just make sure I'm using the right words she looks racially ambiguous Google that if you don't know what it means because I know what it means and I used it correctly thank you you guys you know that feeling when you've been traveling for hours running on Airport snacks and Airport sleep and you finally get to your hotel just to find out your room isn't ready or worse they lost your reservation y'all I've been there but let's just try this again with for a travel advisor because when you travel with a for a travel adviser those kinds of fails just don't happen y'all I love me some for I told y'all once I'mma tell y'all again travel agents are back in a big way and fora is the modern travel agency redefining what it means to be in book with a travel agent for advisers have access to the
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6:11 get started and see what you've been missing that's forat travel.com B Simone and let them know you came from B Simone because great travel doesn't just happen it's planned visit forat travel.com SLB Simone and let them know you came from Bone's podcast all right you guys back to the show visiting Connor in La she we start talking about like are you dating she's like are you dating I'm like no girl I haven't been on any dates so by the way anybody out there I'm opening my heart to love romance DM me I've been going through my DMs please don't DM me if you don't have a a a profile picture if your whole page is your cats in the cat litter you taking pictures of spaghetti I don't who are you sir please DM me if
6:59 you are just a normal person that is open to love okay um that's just a little side note DMS are open but boom I'm in LA with Connor and we're talking about I'm like so have you been dating um she's like actually I have I've been on a couple dates and she tells me she's like but this I went on this one crazy date it was so crazy like and you know it just didn't work out I was like okay so what happened she goes to tell me about this guy he's this athlete NBA player wellknown I didn't know the [ __ ] but y'all know I don't know Sports so anybody that knows Sports probably knows this man very established in the NBA Community okay top five for I guess I'm guessing he top five I'm
7:45 guessing he ain't on the bench but I don't know he could be a a backup do they have backup if somebody gets hurt whatever he's in the NBA and he is established right nice looking young man um and she tells me she goes on a date with him they're out to eat they have good conversation she loves his personality and they start talking they start vibing They're laughing great energy and she just asked him like okay so are you dating blah blah he explains and then she ask so what kind of girls do you usually go for like what kind of girls do you like and when she asked this she's told me she didn't say this to him but she was like I should have known because his past relationships are all white women you know so his his baby
8:31 Mama's white his ex-girlfriends are white and she just happened to ask him that I guess because she's like you know you usually date white women and you're sitting across from a black girl so what what type of women do you usually like and he looks at her with a straight face and he goes I usually date white women because they're easier to deal with I don't really like you know date black girls but you know you don't count cuz you look mixed like you're mixed so Connor said her mouth dropped and she kind of like laughed it off I mean I don't think that was the time to have a black panther meeting you know or a civil you know civil rights movement or just put him in the KKK I don't think that was the time so she just laughed it off she kept her composure and was like
9:17 I will never this will never work she's like I am a literal black woman I'm a black woman they never went on another date again but they always kept in contact she was like he's a good friend but just as far as you know I respect his opinion I respect what he said but I'm a black woman like this will never work you know this is just I'm a black woman first so we're at her house and I'm like this he didn't say it like that like this can't it couldn't have been like that blatant she was like no he did and I think he said it like that to her because of how she looked and in his mind he didn't identify her as a black woman Americans spend on average 90% of their time indoors but y'all did you know indoor air can be up to 100 times more Ed than outdoor air I know it sound crazy but it's true breathe easy with
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10:51 airdoctorpro do.com that's a i r d o c t o r p r o.com using promo code be Simone all right you guys back to the show he said I like to date white women because they're easier to deal with but not only do you think they're easier to deal with you like the way they look because you mentioned Connor well you don't count because you look mixed not because you act white or because you're easy to deal with or he didn't refer to her character and her personality he referred to the way she looked so technically you like dating white women because of the way they look and because in your opinion they're easier to deal with right right so fast forward Connor's telling me this story we're at her house in her kitchen and she's like girl I'm about to
11:36 call him I'm about to FaceTime him I'm like there's just no way he said it like that like there's no way she's like I'm about to FaceTime him watch so we're cooking in her kitchen doing all our fitness stuff she's really into herbs and wellness and fitness we're getting ready to go to the gym we're like cooking or whatever she facetimes him he picks up hey what's up first of all first time I seen the [ __ ] [ __ ] of [ __ ] well he ain't the [ __ ] of [ __ ] he's lightskinned but braids to the back kinky hair you look at this man he is a black man period at the end of the day he's a black man um he's like hey what's up they start talking he was like and Connor goes I was telling my friend about our date like what you said on our date and he was like oh what did I say like what what did I say on her date she's like you know how you said you prefer to date white women because they're easier to deal with and he like
12:22 laughs at off he's like yeah yeah what's up what about it like basically like you know whatever like he really said that I was like whoo you know he was like well my friend would just you know we were over here like talking about it and she just thought it was absolutely crazy that you said it and um I wanted you to meet her or whatever so um he's like Okay cool so I get in the camera I go hey how are you like in the FaceTime or whatever and um he goes hey what's up he goes oh uh you look familiar I'm like yes my name is B Simone sincerely a black woman you know and I made a joke of course like I said this isn't the time to have a freaking come to Jesus meeting about race but I I did make a joke and I did acknowledge it and he kind of laughed it off or whatever and um she was like so you still think you know we kind of brought she brought it
13:07 up I didn't like really interact with him but she was like you still think white women are easier to deal with he was like well I mean I guess my theory doesn't hold up cuz my baby mama is crazy she's driving me crazy his baby mama is white right so he was like yeah so he kind of made that joke whatever but after that conversation end up getting off the phone we end up talking about it and Connor just tells me how that relationship would never work for her because she identifies as a black woman and I just thought it was absolutely insane that at the end of the day even though he is he his baby Mama's white um he's lighter skinned so I couldn't I couldn't imagine his children being darker melanated I don't know but you're you're birthing black girls you're birthing black girls you're you're you're at the end of the day you're still a black man and you're birthing black girl so that was just
13:54 crazy for him to say that um but after that uh I Was preparing for a trip after that whole encounter after that whole story me and Conor end up talking more about it 2 weeks later I'm preparing for a trip to go to Brazil before this conversation I never thought in my in my life am I too black am I too ethnic is my hair too ghetto am I too Urban do I dress too like a black girl is the braids in my hair does it make me look more ethnic but that conversation planted a seed in my mind like oh my gosh am I too black for certain men and maybe it only planted the seed because I'm really like seeking romantic love in this season and it kind of made me think
14:40 like am I too Urban am I too black I know this sounds crazy but those were the thoughts that were going through my head and I brought up Brazil because those thoughts started to come up when I Was preparing for my Brazil trip because I was getting braids for the trip and I'm literally like are these braids too big like do these look ghetto like these are the thoughts going through my head and I'm like this is absolutely insane like why am I thinking like this you know it didn't deter me away from getting the braids or make me be like okay I just need to wear bone straight hair I need to look more racially ambiguous I need to look more mixed I need to look less Urban no I still end up getting the braids but those thoughts were in my head which was absolutely crazy because I've never
15:27 experienced thinking about stuff like that like is my hair too curly are these braids ghetto does it make me look more black or does it make me look more mixed does it make me look softer or does it make me look more aggressive and ghetto that like these thoughts have never been in my head until after that conversation and I noticed it when I was getting ready for my trip to Brazil it was a new insecurity that started to come up for me that I have never experienced before and it made me start to question beauty standards and if I was good enough for certain men or if I was good enough for um certain black men if I was good enough for society standards technically I
16:12 guess and I had never thought about that and that insecurity had never been an issue for me before that conversation so I end up getting ready for this trip to Brazil I'm in my head about it and maybe it's cuz like okay so I go to Brazil with my um home girl and uh a a high-end celebrity invited her to his birthday party and we end up going out there um one of her friends he's a big soccer player we go out um planning to go out on this trip I'm like maybe I'm overthinking it because of the Celebrity Status maybe I'm overthinking it because of this is a high value man maybe and he's going to have high value men there and do high value men not like black girls and in my two ghetto and I
16:58 was just overthinking and it sounds so dumb but that conversation with Connor and that experience that Connor had her sharing that with me planted a seed in my mind that you know am I too ghetto am I too Urban and the girl I was going to Brazil with she's racially ambiguous too she so crazy she's half white Monica One of my besties Monica's half white half black but she identifies as a black woman she's black curly hair pretty skin freckles melanated skin about my skin tone um uh beautiful she looks more mixed but she identifies mentally physically spiritually she's like I'm a black woman period I'm checking black on the box so I'm like dang like Monica looks mixed Monica looks more racially
17:44 ambiguous like is she bringing the ghetto friend like these thoughts were going through my head I'm like this one little conversation with this [ __ ] got me thinking I'm too black you know um thankfully it didn't overpower my thoughts and overpower me to the point where I tried to change my character or change my voice or change my hair or change who I was I still walked in 100% my true authentic self on that trip but it's the first time I ever experienced those type of thoughts so I'm getting ready for the trip end up getting to braids I'm like I'm getting braids these are cute to me right um end up getting to Brazil and um it's just so crazy I don't know if this was my perception because of the
18:31 seed that was planted in the previous conversation with Connor or if it was truly my reality but I'm looking around in Brazil I'm like most of these girls look racially ambiguous they look nothing like me at this party at this party excuse me all of these athletes that are black men black men okay they're black we're talking about darker than me kinky hair black men and some of them were Brazilian some of them weren't black some of them were different um different races but black men none of them are speaking to darker skinned girls out of the out of the hundreds of people at the party first of all there was maybe I counted on one hand four dark skinn beautiful
19:18 black girls four dark skinn girls the rest were mix light- skin fair skin it was a room full of Kardashians period that's exactly what it looked like so I'm like dang like and the guys were nice to me they were talking to me they were friendly we were partying we were dancing we were having fun but once those moments were over I'm like oh he's trying to talk to her or he's really vibing with her or he like I didn't know if this was in my head or if this was really happening and they say your perception is your reality so if I'm perceiving that that's my reality you know what I mean but most of the women there looks very mixed and and diverse and just not black not Urban not uh beautiful kinky
20:06 coily hair and even the black girls that were there their hair was bone straight with extensions they were very skinny they looked it literally like I said looked like a room full of Kardashians you know and it made me feel like for the first time like whoo like maybe I don't fit in here maybe this is like the type of guys would never date a girl like me these are the things I'm thinking um maybe okay you know I do need to like I just can't believe that based off that one conversation it pled to see that made me overthink when I was at this major party in Brazil so it was
20:51 the first time I ever had issues with identity crisis and it really hit me when I was in that environment in Brazil either way you guys it made me confront a new layer of identity crisis that I had never confronted before or felt before and I'm just so grateful that some women that deal with this feel like they have to conform I'm so grateful that even in those moments I'm was still being my full authentic self I was being crazy I was being loud I was dancing I was talking to people but maybe I was in my head like I don't know if it was perception or reality but it didn't shift how I showed up in a room and I feel like so many black women battle with that whether it's your hair texture whether it's your skin color whether it's the way you talk whether it's the way you act or move you feel like you
21:37 have to shift who you are to be accepted in a room and you don't like I want women to know black women especially that even though Society tries to exclude us baby they want everything that we have from the curls to the big lips to the all all the things the body shape like they try to exclude us but you are more than enough you are beautiful your skin tone like I I will never know what it's like to be a darker skinned black woman and the things that y'all have to go through in the in the doors that are shut and the battles that y'all have to face like one of my friends um she's a social media friend but I was seeing one of her posts and she was like I'm so
22:22 sick of hearing you're you're pretty for a dark skinned girl or you're oh your skin looks so good for for a dark skinned girl or I usually don't like dark skinned girls but you're so pretty like first of all the people that are making these type of comments please stop like enough is enough please stop if that's in your head keep it in your head okay and you need to rewire your brain and and figure out why you're thinking like that because it truly does affect people I can only imagine women that have been going through this for years that have been going through this since middle school that have been growing through this since high school I can't sit here and lie to you and say that I've ever really experienced or felt like that until this recent moment in this recent encounter but um y'all we're enough your hair your skin your
23:09 nails your outfit if you want to wear long loud colorful beautiful nails that's that and that's your personality do that if you want to wear your hair in box braids and colorful and um do that you know what I mean so don't let it shift and alter who you are to your core because you feel like you have to fit in a box and I'm like thankfully I'm not super easily offended like I said it did make me think but I'm like okay if these [ __ ] don't like me I'mma go to a room where they do like put yourself in environments where you feel and I don't know if that's the answer if the answer is hey see me respect me or just go to environments where you're seen and respected I don't have the answers but that was one of my thoughts where I'm
23:55 like if you don't feel welcome in this environment if you don't feel like you fit in if you don't feel like these type of men like you and technically you want a man that has morals values character a great heart all of those things so what is the definition of these type of men you know what I mean is it just high value in finances but you got to be high value with your character your morals your values who you are how you treat people how you treat people that look like you you know what I mean so you might not even want to be with those type of men but go to environments where you're welcome where you feel loved and where you feel accepted opposed to trying to change everybody's mind in environment where they don't respect you
24:41 love you or um you know treat you the way you should be treated that's just my opinion I want to know what y'all think about that cuz literally I I'm at that party like well I mean if these [ __ ] don't like me there's a million out there that do I don't have to feel like I have to be accepted in this room just go to a room where you're accepted does that make sense how do y'all feel about that like changing the narrative in the environments where you're not welcome or just going to environments where you are are welcome I want you guys to comment and let me know your opinion on that y'all and let me make this very clear very very clear by no excuse me by no means was I disrespected in Brazil the birthday boy he was the sweetest nicest
25:27 person me and my friend and Monica were like this man is just the nicest sweetest most accommodating friendliest coolest guy on the planet he walked up to it's like his birthday he's like so how y'all doing everything good like how's your family and me and Monica were like what he's like no how's your family how's the family doing and we were like good good like we like who asked how your family is in the middle of a freaking birthday party like he was just so great his friends were so great so nice like by no means did I feel disrespected did I feel um that anybody was being racist or anybody was being Prejudice because of the way I looked I didn't feel like that at all so I want to make that very clear the environment was safe friendly and
26:12 nice okay but I did want to bring up my perception whether it was perception or reality of of what I was thinking and what I saw physically with my eyes because of the seed that was planted back um in La at Conor house because of her experience but I just want to encourage black women to walk into every room embracing every part of who you are and if you are not welcome and respected and honored and valued in that room go find rooms and tables and opportunities and environments where you are I don't think we always have to change people's minds we just need to go where we are valued and of course we want people to think a certain way about us and be nice
26:59 and be kind and not diminish who we are but go to the rooms where you're valued go to the rooms where you're embraced and I want to know y'all's experience um even with the darker skinned women that listen to me like I want to know y'all's experience I want to know if you've ever experienced this if you've ever felt out of place in a room if you've ever felt like um even the Comon if if a like the guy that commented to Connor if anybody has ever made a comment like that to you I can't think of a time my memory is so freaking bad maybe but I can't think of a time where a comment was that blatant like in my face I want to know y'all's experiences and I want us to heal through this issue of society's beauty standards
27:45 because it's a facade and it is does not have to be our reality it can be perception but it doesn't have to be our reality and I want to encourage all of you women to love yourself love your skin love your hair hair love your kinky coils love your um melanin love your big lips love your thick body love your shape love every aspect of you and start there and I said this in another episode we can't expect people to love us when we don't love ourselves you want everybody else to accept your skin but you don't accept your skin you want everybody else to love your hair but you don't love your hair you don't even wear your hair you're not nourishing and taking care and loving on on and and uh you know and
28:31 moisturizing and loving and helping your hair be healthy and grow and you don't even like your hair you just hide it because of whatever reason you don't like your skin a lot of people are skin bleaching which is just so big in the black community so we can't expect people to love us when we don't love ourselves it starts with us so I encourage every single black woman to just love yourself whether you look racially ambiguous and you still you know identify as a black woman or whether you're dark on the darker skin or whether you're loud or whether you like long ghetto Shiny Nails baby because I switch my nails up too they got a little classy right now but I like the long ghetto Nails I like the the the the bant knots and the
29:17 braids and the black hairstyles that that come from our culture I like all of those things and however you decide to your Express Yourself excuse me however you decide to express yourself that day is enough whether it's the long nails whether it's the short French whether it's the braids whether it's the bone straight so whatever that is I just encourage you guys to show up as your true authentic self and not mold and shift and maneuver who you are based on how you want other people to perceive you because it's not going to be enough anyway you do all that stuff and change and all that stuff but on the inside you're not fulfilled you feel empty and you're not being true to exactly who you are and you're showing up um with a facade and that's not reality that's not fulfilling that's not
30:04 sustainable long term take off the Mas take off the facade and show up as your true authentic self no matter what room you're in in the rooms that don't respect you honor you and value you leave those rooms shut the door and go walk into a room where you are so I love you guys so much I just had to share that story time and let you know for the first time in my life I battled with identity just thankfully it wasn't turning into my actions but it was a thought it was a thought and that's why you guys have to take every thought take every thought and cast it down if it's not good and don't meditate on negativity because it will grow and grow and grow and grow your thoughts turn into actions which turn into
30:50 character which turn into the rest of your life it turns into who you are that thought could have changed my actions and changed my life and change my character and change the way I acted and the way I looked at myself and the way I maneuvered and the way uh my self-worth and my value and no I stopped it at a at a thought a thought that that was scary enough for me to be like hold on now like let's not make that our reality catch the thoughts before they turn into your reality in your life and your routine and your character and who you are in the Physical Realm catch the thoughts that one thought did did come up though and it made me want to speak on this we are enough no matter how we look um and yeah I love you guys so much
31:37 and I hope you guys enjoyed this episode please let's keep this conversation going I want to know about y'all's experiences and I wasn't going to make an episode about it CU I'm like this sounds absolutely crazy like how could that make me think I'm not good enough but the thought the thought did come up and it planted a seed of self-worth and you know insecurity that I never dealt with before but um yeah let's keep this conversation going on socials Instagram is at let's try this again you guys remember the ltta app is coming at ltta appap go follow on Instagram for all updates the app is coming with so much exclusive BTS behind the scenes exclusive content I cannot wait for you
32:23 guys to get this app it will be coming soon we'll have a date soon all the updates will be on the Instagram and yeah comment below I want to hear your stories I love each and every one of you thank you for listening new episodes audio episodes every Monday and new visual YouTube um drops every Tuesday so see you guys next week bye
