0:03 [Music] you can't start video like so you're curious about butt stuff oo you are definitely not alone over the last few months we have seen a pretty dramatic increase in the number of questions that we've been getting about anal play but if you have never ventured back door before might seem pretty intimidating so today we are going to break it all down for you and teach you the basics class is in session for anal 101 bet they didn't teach that where you went to school probably not so if you're brand new here then hello we are Vanessa and Xander Marin Vanessa here's a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years and our channel is all about
0:50 giving you the tools you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out so if you already know you're interested in that just go ahead and hit that subscribe button right now so anal suck is pretty polarizing some people love it and some people don't even understand the temptation to try it those people are not watching this video I guess probably not but we are really curious to hear from you what word do you associate with anal sex leave that word down in the comments below just so we can see how you feel about it all right so let's talk about why we think anal is worth your consideration just consideration that's all you don't have to do it but here are some reasons why you might want to consider it so the first one is simply that it feels good
1:37 you have nerve endings in and around your anus just like you have nerve endings in every other part of your body basically so it can feel very good there are even some people who have orgasms just from anal play alone and then second it just feels exciting it's a taboo thing for many people and that can add that extra thrill to the experience yeah if you're sitting here watching this video going like oh I don't know if I could do this you might like it you might like it all right the third reason that we wanted to name is that it can be a fun way to play around with gender roles you definitely don't have to do this but there are a lot of straight couples that enjoy playing around with like a strapon or a dildo and the woman is the one you know playing with the man or penetrating
2:23 the man it can be like a really fun way to play around with things again you don't have to do this there are tons of ways to play around with anal play but this is just one option and then fourth it is something new to explore with your partner one of our favorite pieces of advice for couples and long-term relationships is to try new things in the bedroom if you watch this channel you hear us say that probably in every single video so trying anal is definitely going to shake things up it'll be something new now let's talk about the crucial steps that you need to take before during and after to make it a safe pleasurable experience for all parties involved all right tip number one is to stay safe just like any other sexual act we want to spend a little bit of time talking about safety safety first of course so first and foremost
3:09 consent you want to make sure that both partners are not only willing to do it but excited about doing it um a lot of people you know have different opinions about anal so it's really common in a relationship to for one partner to really want to try it and the other partner to be a little bit more uncertain so we hope that this video opens up some conversations you guys can talk about it but definitely don't explore it unless you are both on board with it yeah and then of course just like with any other type of sex you also have to take precautions to keep yourself safe during anal so you can't get pregnant from anal sex but you can transmit sexually transmitted infections through anal sex in fact anal sex tends to be a higher risk activity because the tissues in the anus and the rectum are pretty delicate they can get micro tears
3:55 and it can be easier to pass along sexually transmitted infections so you definitely want to make sure that you use a condom when you do anal unless you are already fluid bonded with your partner all right tip number two is get prepared so proper hygiene is very important yes there will be traces of FAL matter it is unavoidable but it's so minor I think people really freak out about this they're like oh my God I'm going to be touching poop and it's like you're not like yeah there I'm sorry to say this but you are probably encountering traces of FAL matter in your your day-to-day life anyway is just the reality of life it's just a poop filled World however there are a couple things that you can do to minimize or mitigate this so first empty your bowels
4:43 beforehand then take a shower after that bowel movement clean the outside of your [ __ ] with a bit of soap and water while you're in the shower really all you need all good hygiene tips kind of on a day-to-day basis anyway um and then also avoid anal sex if you have an upset stom or you've just had some messy bow movements recently also a good idea then you want to keep some tissues within Arms Reach for easy cleanup while you're doing it you can put a towel under yourself if you're particularly nervous about messiness but it's really not necessary um and if you don't want to risk any chance of residue touching you then you can use a condom yeah even if you don't usually use condoms condom is an easy way to make this feel a little bit cleaner and then finally in terms of
5:30 preparation Lube Lube Lube Lube is non-negotiable for anal sex the rectum does not produce lubrication spit is not enough no no so yes Lube have it ready have it be plentiful don't be shy about it all right tip number three is to ease your way into it so if this is your first time exploring any sort of anal play you're probably going to be pretty nervous so you know go through all those preparation steps that we talked about beforehand but then once you're in the moment like don't go straight for anal I think a lot of people get pretty nervous about trying it and they just want to like get to it and see what it's going to be like yeah or there's one partner that's like been waiting for so long and they're like I finally get to do it and
6:17 if that is you consider this that anal is difficult it takes some time to work up to if you are so gung-ho about it your first time it's probably not going to be a great experience and the likelihood of you getting to keep trying that experience and try it to completion is going to diminish greatly so take your time yeah so you know make sure that you spend plenty of time getting aroused you know being intimate with each other in other ways you can even have an orgasm first if you're the one who's going to be you know the recipient of the anal play um having an orgasm can really relax your muscles relax you mentally so that can help a lot and now our biggest Pro tip for exploring anal is it doesn't have to be sex doesn't
7:03 have to be intercourse right away we actually think it's much better to start off with your fingers first so fingers are obviously a lot smaller easier to play around with and it'll give you a sense of like do you even like this kind of stimulation here um and that can help you decide if you want to go further or not and you know you really can take even like a few sessions just playing around with fingers again there's no rush you're not going to get a gold medal for having p as quickly as possible so try playing around with your fingers first if you're really nervous you can even just touch the outside of the anus you don't have to have any penetration whatsoever it still feels really good yeah most of the nerve endings are around the outside so penetrate you know penetration isn't necessary in order to feel good we also
7:49 recommend peering a little bit of anal play with another activity so for example you know if you're giving your partner a hand job you can have the other hand you know sneaking back door or you can do it with oral sex as well again this is just another way to ease your way into it because you'll be feeling pleasure and maybe some of the other ways that you're more used to feeling but also experiencing what it's like to have a little anal play on the side good idea all right tip number four is let the receiver be in control so letting the receiver dictate the pace and the depth of penetration is going to minimize pain and ease any lingering nerves and this works for anal play with fingers or with you know penetration with like a penis or dildo or something yeah so one of the best ways to do that is try doggy style because that position
8:35 really allows the receiver to be in control of the movement because so instead of you know the person behind doing the thrusting let the person in front do the the rocking back and forth oh yeah I like that little yeah sorry I can't really do it in this chair say all right and then when you start going go as slowly as possible and this will allow you to really focus on relaxing the muscles in your butt as much as possible doing some just slow breathing in and out will really help relax the sphincter oh the sphincter you throwing out those terms yes yes there are two of them actually yeah so now the receiver should also be aware of what it feels like and if there's any pain and really
9:20 be aware of good pain versus bad pain so it should feel like it kind of hurts so good but it shouldn't be like a sharper stinging pain so if you're noticing that then take a break yeah we just want to be really careful here like sex should never be painful so we're not saying like yeah if you're in pain that's totally fine but the reason we're saying like good pain is because that's how a lot of people describe the sensation of any sort of intercourse actually or even orgasm too it's like it's this sense of like oh it hurts so good there's like this little twinge of something but again just want to be super clear we are not saying if you're in pain like that's a good thing or just keep going yeah so of course yeah don't ever push yourself to keep going if it's not feeling right and then yeah wait to increase the speed until it really feels like you're in a
10:05 Groove and after that you can add additional stimulation if you want like a vibrator or use your hands for some manual stimulation yeah all right so that brings us to tip number five proper after care so let's assume you've you've moved forward it was great you enjoyed it done the deed people had their orgasms now what so quick little tip here if somebody has been doing some penetrating then they should pull out as slowly as possible yes this extrication can feel a little bit strange for the receiver so again you just want to keep going slow that's just the key word for anything anal it's just slow um so afterwards both people should wash up with a little bit of soap and water you
10:53 definitely want to make sure to be careful about continuing with other kind of sexual contact until you've had that CLE clean up just because there are more bacteria that you're talking about here so in particular if you've been playing you know putting something into the rectum you don't want to then put it directly into a vagina because you can lead to infections so just take a little bit of time to clean up afterwards um I also want to note a couple of like you know Ultra specific things here but I just think they're useful to know so better to be prepared better to be prepared the receiver you may notice that the next time you have a bowel movement there is probably going to be some lube and some ejaculate that comes out as well it might feel a little weird just be prepared for that and getting even more graphic here there may be a tiny bit of blood as well like I was
11:38 saying earlier the tissues in the rectum are really sensitive they can tear quite easily if you see just a little bit of blood that's okay but if you see any like you know significant amount of blood then you definitely want to go check in with your doctor yeah they tear quickly but they also heal very quickly right yeah they're resilient little guys so great that wraps up our video on how how to try anal for the first time if you like this video please give us a like hit that red button down below to subscribe to our Channel and click the notification icon too so you keep getting those videos as soon as we release them you know maybe we should have picked a slightly different topic to end on other than the bloody stool but yeah so there's going to be some blood hit that like button please we wanted to give you guys all
12:25 the facts all the information just to prepare yourself but going back back to maybe some of the first points that we talked about earlier anal play can definitely be fun there are nerve endings there it's a part of your body that deserves some love and some exploring so hopefully this inspires you to give that a shot yeah if you're excited to try anal sex smash that like button all right so we do know one of the biggest challenges that can come up around anal is that maybe you're really interested in trying it but you've never talked about it with your partner before and you're feeling pretty shy nervous maybe you're worried how your partner is going to react so if that is the case for you then we have a free gift for you we have a guide called how to start talking about sex with your partner even if you never have before so we'll walk you through specific phrases that you
13:11 can say how to say them get this conversation going in a way that feels really unintimidating and ends up feeling very connecting for the two of you so we'll put a link to that down in the description box below thanks so much for watching see you next time a y a Yi breathe in and out what the [ __ ] did you not read this before breathe in and out of your butthole how do you do that imagine that you are I did read this but wait imagine that you're breathing in it help you like relax I can't say that okay then don't say it
