0:02 [Music] people often ask me how can you work with suicide all day long isn't it heavy I answer truthfully no heavy no difficult yes of course demanding many times yes but heavy no and I sometimes wonder about my answer I think it's about working with the prevention of suicide makes it necessary to focus much more on life than on death
0:47 after all people do not take their lives because they long to be dead they take their lives because they can't stand their suffering and it's generally much easier to reinforce the things that make life worth living than to remove things that have the opposite effect so it's really a lot about life also learning how to talk about difficult matters such as suicide death the meaning of life enables you to get close to people and
1:32 that's really rewarding both as a professional and as a private person and I have a firm belief that it's always possible to do something for a person that's in pain for a person that's suffering or considering suicide a short while ago I was reminded of this a man wrote to me he said that he had been to one of my lectures he learned two things he said I was grateful for that one was but it's always better to pay attention to people surrounding you pay attention
2:20 to how they are feeling and the second was that it's always better to do something than to do nothing when you encounter a person that's struggling or considering suicide so he continued a few days after the lecture I was walking over a high bridge in Stockholm minding my own business against me came a girl a young girl she was crying and I didn't think much about that but then I remembered what I had learnt so I turned around to see how she was doing and then
3:05 I saw that she was trying to climb the fence of the bridge so I threw myself for words I grabbed her at the last moment and I was able to call for help and he finished I'm so grateful and he should be there aren't very many situations in life where a slight change in the way you think or act can actually save a person's life and he saved this young girl's life and if you survive a severe suicide attempt the prognosis is really good the majority of the
3:51 survivors eventually find reasons to live and die from completely normal causes so that's really something to remember the prognosis is good is it possible to understand why it is that almost 800,000 people around the world commit suicide maybe not in every detail but sometimes metaphors can help us I use the metaphor of being down in a dark pit all alone imagine this you're
4:41 surrounded by fear anxiety depression chaos maybe thinking that your life will be like this forever maybe even thinking that life would be a better place without me or that my loved ones would have a better life without me really dangerous thoughts and even if we haven't been in that dark pit we can recognize some of these feelings we know something about feeling alone abandoned desperate chaotic of failure don't we and that makes it easier to imagine what
5:30 would I need in a situation like that I'm sure none of you would answer I would need people avoiding me not daring talking to me I would need silence no I wouldn't need a person standing on the edge of the page shouting down to me hello down there how are you doing what I would need is a person climbing down to me trying to share trying to understand showing interest showing that I matter if we meet a person that's
6:17 struggling with suicidal thoughts or that's feeling really bad mentally what I have to offer can seem insignificant in comparison a wise man taught me that it not the insignificant can be what matters the most this man I met when I was a consultant at a neurological ward he was a proud man he had been fighting against political injustice for most of his life he had been isolated in prison he had been tortured and the first time I met him he said to me the only thing
7:05 that kept me alive during my isolation in prison was that I was able to see a small bird through an opening in the prison wall the bird reminded me of a life and it gave me hope the second time I met this man he was deeply depressed the neurological condition that he was suffering from had become worse he was unable to walk he was in a wheelchair he couldn't work his wife had left him for another man and the first thing he said this time was Lola Curran now the bird
7:53 is dead and I was terrified because I knew what he was saying and he also confirmed this he said I have decided to take my life and he also said you cannot send me to hospital because that would be like sending me back to jail so he left me with an impossible decision really should I treat him as an outpatient or should I send him to hospital against his will I chose the former I treated his depression and I
8:39 did one other thing that I didn't pay much attention to at the time one seemingly significant thing I told everyone at this ward to call this man at every opportunity call him say ordinary things like have you eaten today I'm looking forward to seeing you again I'm thinking about you I'm sure that it will eventually get better for you and everybody called from the receptionist to head of the department this man received a lot of phone calls when I met him the third time he was
9:26 much better the antidepressants had helped and he said I will not take my life I asked him why and maybe I was expecting an answer about the advanced medical treatment he had received but instead he answered it was all the phone calls they made me realize that I have a value as a human being and that people care about me the phone calls became my Swedish bird I have never forgotten this
10:12 every meeting with a person in despair or a person considering suicide as an option should be about this not about solving this person's problems not about taking over the responsibility for the person's life not about removing all the pain from this person's shoulders because that is not possible instead showing that I care and therefore I can be the reason for you to live for at least a few days longer
10:59 take every opportunity to say that you matter to me I appreciate our conversation I don't want you to kill yourself that would be a disaster I would miss you terribly it's never a solution to commit suicide it's not about the words it's about being genuine and if you are genuine in your will to help it always shows you can be certain of that we can say ordinary things we can use change because it doesn't always show on the outside how a person is feeling the only
11:45 way of finding out is to ask and we don't have to be afraid of asking about thoughts after all people do not die from what they think they die from what they do so use change that you observe say things like I noticed that you're unable to concentrate you seem to have lost your appetite you seem sad all the time you used to come with us after work and now you always say no after your divorce your smell of alcohol everyday you don't have to feel ashamed in front of me I've been through troubles myself and talk to
12:33 me tell me what's wrong and even I know that when you're in a really difficult situation it's common to think about suicide as a solution is it like that for you tell me I really want to understand what so I would like for you to bring two messages with you the first there's an immense difference when you're struggling with mental problems and when you have lost the power to live and you're thinking about suicide there's an
13:19 immense difference between having nobody that cares nobody that talks to you nobody showing any interest and having one person doing the opposite we can all be that person we have it within us it's the power of being human we can give this to each other and secondly there's never any danger in asking someone how they are feeling we can be much better in showing that we care and we can practice all you have to do is practice
14:07 so choose one difficult question and start using it and you will find that you become better and better on getting close to people that's what what comes from practicing so you can be the person that asks and if you're lucky with time you might be the one saving a life you
