0:00 So one of the things that you need to protect your children from is narcissism. If you are happy by troubling others then you are a sadist. Self-praise, narcissism has been considered suicide. Because its values say that it is very bad to praise yourself. I am what I think as what you think I am. If someone says Who if not me So what should I say? Get yourself treated? At times A person thinks that there is no one In the entire universe Like me, everything happens through me, from path to destination From this place till the other end its just me, Its just me and no one else.
0:49 Namaste. All of you are welcomed n this program. The topic on which we will talk today is not of philosophy but of psychology. I come across many people who say That if you wll only teach philosophy then what will Other people do. There must be some other subjects too. Some subjects which are directly related to the society, are also related to philosophy, but are not directly related. Then I thought I will talk about those subjects of philosophy that are very important in life. Had a topic n my mind since long. Which I think we should understand And a word is pretty common in our society these days, Its an English word. There is a word raised from the
1:36 Greek tradition, which is called narcissism. You will think what is this word, many of you may not have heard this word. You must be hearing it for the first time. As important as today's class is for you, he age of you people would be around 22-23, that is, between 20-22 to 30-35. It is necessary for you but it is going to be more important for you after 10 years from today when you will have small children. Some of you will be having. And others who will become parents later on. Being a parent seems very easy While its a very difficult task. Whether your child will do IIT or not, he’ll do MBBS or not, these are very small things.
2:21 If he does then its a good thing And if not then its not a bad thing It’s a normal thing But your chld, your son or your daughter becomes a law-abiding person or not? That is more important And to make the child a law-abiding person Is the primary responsibility of parents In which most people Do not succeed completely Perhaps I may also not succeed That is I am not claiming it that I am great and you should learn something from me We all are in the same state We alll have that same problem So one of the things we need to protect our children from is narcissism. There s a word for narcissism In hindi Which is very close to it, which is called Aatma mugdhta (self-obsession) You may then understand what is being sad Now you understand
3:07 Its being in self-obsession This tendency is seen more in small kids Because small kids are egocentric Egocentric means Looking at life by keeping oneself in the centre of the world You must have heard of the word called Self confidence And you must also be aware that Each parents wants that There should be self confidence In their child It is okay, there should be confidence. Some times it hard to understand as where the line of self confidence ends And that of self-obsession begins As some people say that the line between friendship and love is very thin
3:52 You never get to know When you jump on the other side of the line similarly The line between Competition And rivalry Is very thin Similarly the line between religion and communalism Is very thin You never get to now when you were religious and when you became communist In the same way the line between being filled with confidence and having self-obsession is very thin But there is a line It is important to understand and identify that line Broadly speaking confidence Is a very good quality It is a positive quality and must be there And narcissism that is self-obsession Is a state Which is not just A problem for the person having it
4:40 But becomes a problem for the society surrounding him as well It makes the society toxic, filled with harmful things So we will understand it With love. With example We will understand what it is with the help of movie songs And then will check If we have it within us or not There is a common temperament while studying psychology that I am fine, other people have this problem in them, this is fun Later on you understand that I am also not okay I also have problem within me So don’t be tensed About the word, that where did it came from I will explain its whole story Then you will understand Why was such a difficult word made There is an interesting story behind it. Before talking about it
5:28 In the last 30-40 years, it has been seen all over the world, especially in the West, that the tendency of narcissism i.e. self-obsession has increased a lot. Such surveys were carried out I avoid having baseless talks, I talk on the basis of surveys of medical science and associations of psychology. A survey reported that the difference between 1962 and 1990 is that in America in 1962 this tendency was observed in 12% of adolescent children By the time of 1990s, this tendency is being seen in about 77 to 80 percent children. I am talking about 12 percent to 80 percent,
6:15 I am not talking about one or two percent. So this is a big problem. Some people believe that this is not such a big problem in the Indian society, but it has to be accepted that in today's time it has also started appearing. Let's talk by example, isn't it, why talk theoretically? One of the symptoms of self-obsession is that a person starts feeling that there is no one like him, I am so beautiful, what should I do? what should I do? Now you are able to relate. If someone around you says that I am so beautiful. what should I do? what should I do? Tell him that you have narcissistic personality disorder. You have NPD get yourself treated
7:03 Some become even more aggressive than that sometimes. He feels that the world cannot run without him. If not me, then who? a few days ago, there is a rapper I don't know, I don't listen to rap songs So there is a girl Who was singing this. Some people attached one of my videos with it. I am just telling a sher To the kids while having fun in the class Tu nahi koi aur sahi aur nahi koi aur sahi Bahut lambi hai zameen Milenge lakh hasi zamane me sanam Tu akeli to nahi so people played it in a way That I am answering that girl, while I don’t even know her that Who she is, so people perforced it But both of these are symptoms of narcissism. If someone says If not me then who So what you have to say get yourself treated
7:49 Treated for? Narcissistic personality disorder, Its called NPD And if someone says If not you then someone else Then also treatment is needed because This person has also become overconfident in himself. When you start hearing such sentences, then understand that something is wrong. If someone feels I am higher than the constitution, higher than law, and everyone is inferior to me And he says The line starts from where we stand. Amitabh Bachchan is saying this in the jail in the movie Kalia. So what to say to him, your line is different. That is the line of patients of psychology.
8:34 There the line will start from you because you only have to be treated. This is the third symptom. Sometimes one feels that there is no one like me in this whole universe, everything is being done by my own hands, who is superior than me. A dialogue of Nawazuddin Siddiqui appears in the Sacred Game series. Sometimes I feel that I am God I am God. And the interesting thing is that some people have given a name to the disorder of narcissism. God Complex When someone starts feeling that he is God or is like God. And he comes second only to God So understand that he is in severe problem.
9:21 He has severe narcissism. so if you ever feel That I am god So it means that it is a serious illness, it is serious, not just a fluke. You people are small, when you were born around that time there was a film called Ram Teri Ganga Maili in Hindi, . maybe you must have heard the name. The hero is singing a song addressing the heroine in it. And I've never seen such a huge symptom of narcissism. what is he saying? Mujhko dekhoge jahan tak, Mujhko paaoge wahaan tak Raaston se karvan tak Is zameen se aasman tak, Main hi main hoon, main hi main hoon Doosra koi nahin
10:08 If such a lover-girlfriend comes in your life, then you have to take them directly to the psychiatrist. It becomes your responsibility. If you really love then get him treated because if you don't get him treated Then he will cure you. And those who are narcissist type of friends, narcissist type of boyfriend-girlfriend, husband and wife, their characteristic is that they start with Love bombing love bombing is a concept of psychology They will bombard you with love. Will message so much. miss you miss you love you like you, This and that. Will keep sending at least 500 messages in 24 hours. And you would think that I have found
10:54 such a loving person. No one has found such a person in the world. This is the first phase, it is not permanent. This is only the first phase, he actually only loves himself And rght now because of loving you, he is able to love himself. You are just a tool by attaining whom he has got a reason to love himself. And the next level that comes in such a person is called gas lighting in psychology. Whether you have heard the word Gas lighting or not, don't know, Gas lighting is a term. This means, To prove others by making them so small, to accuse them so much that the poor fellow starts
11:41 considering his instincts as a sin, as his weakness. For example, suppose it is a matter of getting up in the morning. Everyone wants to wake up comfortably. This sir will get up at eight o'clock. If the wife wakes up a little late one day, he will tell her what kind of woman you are. There is no shame in you, you are getting up at eight o'clock. He himself wakes up at eight o'clock every day. You are getting up at eight o'clock. You will go to hell. Look at my mother, she gets up at 4:00 in the morning. Will tell so much, will tell so much that that poor woman will feel so guilty for getting up at 08:00 in the morning that she will slowly end up cursing herself. It can be vice versa as well. A woman can do something to a man, this can also happen. Blaming your partner, your friend, your husband,
12:27 your wife, your relative for things which are not really to blame. To blame so much that that poor person goes into Guilt complex instead of inferiority complex. This is called gas lighting. So if someone is love bombing then there is a danger that the next level is about to come. Then he will make you responsible for everything. He will take away your respect, destroy self respect, self esteem. These broad symptoms, if you see all these symptoms together in a person, we will say that he is a narcissistic person or a narcissist. One question must be coming in your mind
13:14 that why was it named so difficult. There is a story behind it and the name of the central character of that story is narcissus and after the name of narcissus it got its name narcissism. Actually the story is of two characters, one is Narcissus and one is Echo or Eco, whatever you call it. See, the initial stories in all the religions of the world are very interesting stories. One of the purposes of those stories is to use the story to teach a moral idea. You would remember when you were little, your parents used to tell you stories, The present generation is not able to listen. When you will become a parent, you may not be able to tell the story
14:00 because the child will not even want to listen, he will say, keep quiet, I will watch it on TV. Doraemon is being played. I'll listen to his story and Shinchen is being played, I'm more interested in that, I'm less interested in your stories. But till a generation or two ago, all the children have grown up listening to stories and what was the effort of the parents? To teach moral values to children through stories, this used to happen in every society of the world. And children ask many difficult questions and even make up their imaginations to answer them. Like I think a child in Greek society would have asked that if you go somewhere in the forest and make a loud sound, then the sound repeats again and again and later there is an echo, so the children would ask where this sound is coming from,
14:47 Now at that time physics was not so much developed that you can answer it on the basis of physics. Then people used to fantasize. They imagined that son There is a story behind this voice, and that story, this story is that story So listen to what is this story, then you will get a complete idea that Where is this word originating from? There has been a very famous writer in Roman literature named Ovid. You must have heard an epic Named Metamorphosis The name of that epic was written during the time of Caesar Augustus. That is, it was written sometime between 27 BC to 14 AD. Means it was written during the time of Jesus Christ approx.
15:33 There is a story in the third part of it, This story What's the story? There is a Greek story. That is the story of Greece. There was a boy Narcissus, Who was it? So there is a god, the god of rivers in Greece. Like in our country, there is a rain god, sun god, moon god. There too many deities were considered at that time. So, the god of rivers was called Siphisus, and there was an apsara along with him, the word apsara is used a lot here too, isn't it, in our country? Menaka was considered an Apsara. Who else are Apsaras, Urvashi, Rambha, isn't it, the story of Apsaras is also here. The story of Apsara are there too. They are called Nymphs. Nymph means
16:19 Apsara in Greek literature. So there was a nymph named Lirio Pe So Narcissus was the son of a nymph named Lirio Pe and a river god named Siphisus, Now he is the son of an Apsara, he is the son of a deity, so he must be smart and handsome. He was very handsome. We often have the misconception that we are the reason for our beauty, whereas we have got the reason for it by chance, isn't it? So this poor man did not know this. So you know its by chance He was so handsome that that song suits him – I am so handsome, what do I do? what do I do? It really suits, he was so beautiful that whoever saw it used to go mad. so beautiful
17:05 But as beautiful as he was, he was also arrogant. blatant egotistic Now many girls used to propose him. if someone proposes you, accept it and if you do not like it, So politely decline with Decency. The best way is to say that I am sorry, I have already given my word, I have made a promise. Of course you have not given your word, at least he will not be insulted. Refuse with respect. But some people don't enjoy it at all, they enjoy in humiliating. Someone comes to you and says that I like you, you reply by saying have seen the mirror ever. Dream within your status. It's a weird situation.
17:51 Beggar Now what is this way of refusing. If you have to refuse, then refuse decently. Your life is your property, got it, you'll choose the person you want, got it But you will go on insulting anyone, this is not the right thing. This proud boy did not realize this. Used to insult a lot. Some girl came and said, he used to humiliate her so much that you look at your face, how you look, you are this, you are that, The poor girls used to forget to live after that, having insulted them so much, they used to live in that humiliation Well, after reading this story, it would seem that at that time there was probably not much tension in the Greek society regarding homosexual relationships because it also comes in the story that even a boy was crazy about him.
18:38 That boy said that, means he came to him that I can give my life, I can do anything. I want to live with you So he said that if you can give your life then give up on your life. He was speechless. So he took out the sword that give up your life, you are so fond of it. He really snapped his neck. And before dying he prayed to God That teach a lesson to this man that he humiliates everyone but he didn't realize it. At the same time there was another girl. Basically, that girl was an Apsara her name was Echo or call it Eco. She spoke very well and was beautiful. And once a goddess Venus
19:25 told her that you are one of the most beautiful Apsaras, it was a great compliment. She was very fickle, was fond of speaking a lot. What she did once was that there is a god of gods named Brihaspati, whom we call Jupiter, played a game with Juno, the wife of Jupiter. what did she do to her? What would you call it in today's language? The one that appears on social media, prank yes Pranked with her. So Juno was Mistaken that her husband had gone to the market. whereas he had not. And Juna was short tempered, she got irritated hat you will prank me. I curse you. So the curse doesn't only happen here, it used to happen there too. Happens everywhere.
20:13 I curse you. What she did was that she gave two curses, first you will not be able to speak any sentence on your own and secondly if someone else has spoken a sentence then you will be able to repeat only the last few words of that sentence. Echo is like this, isn't it, so the whole story of Echo has been made. Now you can't speak any new sentence on your behalf, and can repeat some of the words at the end of a sentence that has been spoken, You have the right to say only this much. Since then the poor thing was such a beautiful young lady and the poor thing could not speak at all. She was living life somehow. One day Narcissus went hunting with his friends
20:59 in the woods. And when he went to the forest, by chance it happened that he got separated, his friends went somewhere, he got lost. He is roaming alone in the forest, while Echo was also roaming there. When she saw him, she too fell in love with him, that means she became completely mad. He was so beautiful, she is also an Apsara, no less. He is the son of an Apsara, the son of a deity. Now she is roaming behind like a crazy person. But it is not coming in front. He is feeling that someone is around by the sound of the trees, by the sound of the leaves. So he said who is it, what did she say, who is it because she cannot speak at all. He felt that someone is playing a strange puzzle with me.
21:49 Then he said come forward, She said come forward. Then he said, what is the need to hide so much? x what is the need to hide so much? We should talk to each other. So her answer came, we should talk, then after some time she came in front. And she was so crazy in love she ran to him straight like a movie to hug him as if she had become crazy Because she thought that things were going well. She ran in that hope. And as soon as she came near, he said wait, go away, shit, Then he said that I would prefer to die before it
22:35 rather that you enjoy my body. what did that poor echo say you enjoy my body Things got worse from this. And as soon as this sentence came out of her mouth, She herself felt so ashamed, ran away from there crying hard. And he scolded her and chased her away. Its called Spurning to scold and chase away That see your status she your face When she left crying, her friends who were Apsaras went to a goddess. Nemeses was the name of that goddess. In Greek literature, Nemeses means the goddess of revenge goddess of vengeance.
23:23 They also have a goddess of vengeance. The friends went, they said look, this boy is very rude, he has hurt our friend's heart. It has already hurt the hearts of so many people, so many poor people have lost their lives in its affair. You take revenge on him. Then the goddess said ok ok, Let's start his account. And then one day he went hunting again And the goddess made a plan against Narcissus And he felt very thirsty. When he moved forward in search of water, there was a pool. A beautiful pond But the pond was made in such a way That even some steps could not be taken in it. Means think of a pond that there was such a pond. It was not possible for us to go two steps into it, It was a very deep pond.
24:10 So, here there was a situation of taking out water after lying down, by doing like this. so he lay on his stomach to drink water slowly And as soon as he lay down he saw his own shadow under water When he was born before, a hermit was called, the hermit was asked that What will be the future of this child. As it happens here, it used to happen there too. That what will be the future of the child? Everyone said that until he does not know himself, his life will be very good. The day he knows himself it will be difficult. And today he saw his reflection in water, as soon as he saw it he himself became crazy.
24:57 He did not know that it is a reflection. At that time science was not advanced enough to understand that it is a reflection. He thought there was someone else. maybe there is an underwater god He became as mad as Echo was, he became as mad for himself and her friends had said that he should also understand the pain that when we love someone, and he talks with Contempt, so how does it feel. Now this poor man is asking him, who are you friend, he is not answering at all. funny thing, A boy talking to a boy. And there is no tension about this in Greek literature at that time. He is again saying that I want to meet you. The answer is still not coming. Tired of making a lot of requests,
25:44 the answer did not come there. Finally said that if you did not answer me then what is the benefit of this life and Echo was listening standing behind the tree. She is happy that today he understood this thing and in the end he decided that if I cannot live with it then this life is useless and he ended his life. And what did he say in the last sentence? Goodbye, Farewell. And what did Echo say from behind, goodbye. He died. Died in self obsession. Could not bear his own beauty. Echo was an Apsara, she was eternal,
26:30 she was not mortal, she was immortal, but then this story was spread that her body was destroyed. Her bones became like stones but her voice remained and even today when someone says something in the world, if some words are repeated behind them, then understand that the goddess named Echo is present there. This is the story of a very handsome but very proud man named Narcissus. And it is always to be kept in mind that if you talk rudely with people, someday someone is going to meet you too and will make life difficult. It's a matter of learning that if you like someone Don't run towards him like Echo, have a little bit of self respect.
27:18 And if you don't like someone, don't reject him with disrespect, with contempt, with disdain. There can be a way to refuse with decency. Because it happens that the way you treat everyone, the same can happen to you too. The people who have this tendency named Narcissus, the word Narcissist came to be used for those people. And this tendency got its name Narcissism. In a word, Echoism is also used in psychology and Echoism works for those who are very weak type of people who keep on tolerating a Narcissist, keep on obeying his every word.
28:03 tolerate toxic relationships, do not protest. They tolerate every sorrow. This is also a bad thing and you have already seen the story of Narcissus. Now on the basis of this, if I tell you what are the symptoms of Narcissism i.e. self-obsession, self-obsession is actually not a sufficient word, it is not able to convey the whole thing. But yes, a sense is being conveyed. But you also have to understand Are we too its victims. 00:28:38:14 - 00:28 :39:25 Nowadays some people have started believing that Narcissism can be healthy up to a level. Being self obsessed can be a healthy mindset up to a level and if it goes beyond one level
28:50 then it is called N P D. N P D means Narcissistic Personality disorder. And it can be of any kind. Like some people told many types of it, some people are very proud of their body, that I have a good body, you will see some people go to the gym from morning to evening and Pump their body. they become fish of muscles, muscles in hand, muscles in leg, and they take pleasure in that, then they walk like this, even while walking on the road, it seems that there is a mountain inside the t-shirt, so they are proud of it only. This is called somatic narcissism. That my body is so great, what are you in front of me. In the case of a girl, it may be on beauty, the same I am so beautiful.
29:37 For a man it may be I am so strong, what should I do, what should I do. But it is not just about the body. people also do it in matter of mind. There is a word for that, Cerebral or intellectual narcissism. No one else has the kind of intelligence that I have. What is in me is not in anyone else. You will see many such thinkers in the West. You will not usually see the names of philosophers in Indian philosophy, there are traditions. There are hundreds of philosophers in one tradition, but no one's name comes to the fore. The names of individuals always come to the fore in the West because individualism has always been the tendency there. Hegel turned out to be such a great thinker. Then came Karl Marx, both hailed from Germany
30:24 and around the same time, after a little gap. Means Hegel was there in the 18th century, after some time Marx came in the beginning of the 19th century. Marx learned a lot from Hegel What we call dialectical method was learned from him. He simply associated the dialectical method with Materialism, which he innovated. But he said that Hegel was right, but Hegel was standing on his head. I turned him. Now this feeling of me, I corrected it, it is a strange kind of ego. And it is said about Lenin, a devotee of Marx, that Lenin made Marx stand Straight from being Upside down George Lucas openly said that
31:11 I made Marx stand on his feet. This arrogance happens even in intellectual people, it happens a lot. my theory, my idea, nothing can be greater than this. This is the cerebral kind or the intellectual kind of narcissism. There is another one that is Quite visible these days, spiritual narcissism. Some people talk about spiritual, there can be a great Baba. Anyone can be a baba of any religion. And you're talking to him. He is giving you the knowledge that brother, soul is like this, God is like this, do this, don't do that and you asked a question. Now he will look at you with this feeling of contempt, what do you think you are a lowly man, a lowly woman,
31:58 only I know spirituality and no one else. Whatever comes out of my mouth is spirituality. If someone is seen talking like this, then he is a victim of spiritual narcissism. तो हर क्षेत्र के लोग ऐसे हो सकते हैं। It is not a matter of any particular area. What healthy narcissism would be is that children, you will see that there is usually a tendency in young children. Like there is a small child. Now, what do mothers do To teach the children a little? the child is saying that mother, I am not getting strong. Mother says that son, if you drink milk, you will become strong. So the child drinks the glass of milk completely. Then he says, mother I have become strong. Then mother says son, you are the strongest child
32:44 in the world. Then the child keeps on roaming around like this throughout the day pretending that I am the strongest child He knows only that much in the world, the poor kid remains overjoyed in it. It's also narcissism that I'm the strongest kid. I am the smartest child. The mother said to the child, son, what is three multiplied by three, the child said, "Mummy, it is nine". Mother is saying wow, till date such a small child has not told this. Son, you are a child of a different level. Whereas in every house the child of that class is telling the answer. But this child does not know that this game is going on in every house. This kid thinks I'm really the greatest kid in the world, but that's just one way of moms. This is a way of the parents so that the child learns with this confidence, and moves ahead, then it is called okay.
33:30 It is a healthy level, there is no problem in it. If someone's narcissism is associated with a greater social good, social good means greater emotion, I have to raise the name of my country and I will do it for that. I will study so much, I will do so much, I will make the country famous, then it may be narcissism, but now if we are connecting with the country, with the society, then we can accept that it may be healthy and the third, if it is under control. Control means, look, everyone feels a little happiness. It's a natural thing. It is very natural to feel happy about yourself. There is one emotion self esteem which means having a sense of happiness about your personality. It's a natural thing. In some cases, it comes to mind that there is something within me,
34:16 there is something within me, isn't it? If this thing comes a little, then there is no problem in it. Just don't make proclamations about it, isn't it, if it is coming in your mind then what is the problem, let it appear a little. And if you remain in control then there is no problem. That there is something within me, that's okay, there is something within him too, yes there is something within him too. Within him, yes There is something within him. So there is no problem, the problem is when one says only I have something within and no one else. A great poet like Ghalib wrote - 'Hain aur bhi duniya me Sukhnavar bahut achche.' Sukhnavar means one who writes poetry, Sukhna means poetry. ‘Hain aur bhi duniya me Sukhnavar bahut achche, kehte hain ki 'galib' ka hai andaz-e-bayan aur.' Ghalib himself is saying this that although there are many other good
35:02 poets in the world, but it is said that there is something special in Ghalib which is not in anyone else, no one else has the way of saying things like him. Now this is also a kind of narcissism, but it is healthy, it is said in jest. Then Ghalib is also saying that when I die, I will be remembered a lot. You are not even giving me importance at this time, you will miss me a lot later. wo har ikk baat par kehna yun hota to kya hota hui muddat ki 'Galib' mar gaya par yaad aata hai wo har ikk baat par kehna yun hota to kya hota, Many people do this. There is no problem till there. The purpose of today's discussion is not that you forget to praise yourself. Do it, do it more in your mind, and little on the outside, but when you do it outside, do it for yourself as well as for others.
35:48 When you praise others too, then it is okay. When a man is busy day and night only in self praise, then there is a problem, but when we say that narcissism has become a disorder, then what are its three or four symptoms. Start recognizing them from today, in the people around you and before others in yourself. Otherwise, a person keeps looking outside with a lens, but does not see himself, sometimes this also happens, doesn't it? Like an interesting debate happened in Philosophy, a philosopher named Hume said that I tried hard to find the soul by looking within myself but could not find the soul, So you know what Hume said, the one that was peeping was the soul. What happens many times is that you are peeping at everyone, and you do not know what is happening with yourself.
36:36 so what happens sometimes The whole game is of perception A man went to the doctor and said that doctor there is pain in the whole body, wherever I put my finger there is a lot of pain, complete checkup was done. Later it was found that there was a problem with the finger. The problem is in the finger, he is feeling pain wherever he is touching it, but what is his perception that there is pain in the whole body, Pain can also be in the part that is checking, it is not necessary that it will be on the outside only. So when you should listen to the alarm bells i.e. when talking about narcissistic personality disorder, What are its symptoms? One thing is that the sense of self-importance is too inflated, that is, if it is too much within someone.
37:24 Means someone starts feeling that without me the world will not be able to run. Without me, the development of the country will not be possible. How will the world go on if something happens to me. What will happen to my country if something happens to me? When someone starts talking like this, make him understand that our status in this whole universe is not more than a speck of dust and there is no one in the world without whom the world would stop. The world runs smoothly. Many great people came and died, it is not even known. Alexander also had a similar misconception about himself that I would conquer the whole world. What will happen with conquering the world. Because of his stupidity, he wasted so much energy without any reason, got so many people killed without any reason. And what is said on that in a ghazal
38:10 Yaad rakh sikandar ke hausle to aali the aali means very big Yaad rakh sikandar ke hausle to aali the Jab gaya tha duniya se to dono hath khali the. That is what has to happen in the end. No need to do much drama. So if anyone starts feeling that I am so important. This is called gold complex. I am the God, When these feelings start coming in your mind, if you see these feelings in anyone around you, then ring the alarm within that things are not going well. Self confidence is a different thing and the interesting thing is that narcissistic people usually have less self confidence and Because of the less confidence, they show
38:56 it more as a defense mechanism. What is the common example of this known in the world, like you are talking to someone on the street. Suppose there is a fight, and the other person says, "you know who I am, you know who I am," there is nothing to be afraid of. If he was something, he would not have spoken. What will some people do, take out the phone and shout make a call, make a call. Call Amit Shah, Call Prime Minister. This means that he is not going to pick up his phone. He doesn't even know the number. He must have saved any number in his name. Will show that see I have the number. Hello, yes you come you come here These people who just keep on proclaiming are of no use. There is absolutely no need to be afraid of them, and the one who has guts
39:44 doesn't say, he does. So if someone just shouts a lot it means he is talking more of nonsense And the one who has confidence does not need to show it, the one who lacks confidence needs to show more. That's why he extracts power in the name of others, extracts power in the name of contacts. I know this person, I know that person, I will call 50 boys from college to beat you. Hey man, fight yourself. Why would you hire 50 boys to beat . Let's fight ourselves. If there is confidence, what will he say, call, call, I am sitting here. Go and call. So confidence is a different thing. call, I am sitting here. Call, go So confidence is a different thing. Narcissism is a different thing. First of all, the biggest problem with this Narcissist person is that
40:29 Empathy is usually non-existent in him. What is the meaning of Empathy? Empathy means the power to understand the problems of others, the power to understand the mental states of others. You will see that when the children are 10-15 years old, the parents usually feel very sad that these children do not understand our struggle, our sorrow, our pain. We worked day and night for them and they do not even value us It means absence of Empathy. Not being able to understand the pain of others. A narcissist person is unable to feel the pain and suffering of others and sometimes he goes beyond that and becomes a sadist.
41:15 Sadism means taking pleasure in hurting others. If you take pleasure in hurting others then you are a sadist. And can happen to anyone. Like a mosquito is not causing any trouble, , you are killing it and showing in style that look I have killed it, look I have killed one more. And you are not feeling that it too must be in pain. You are walking on the road, some dogs are also roaming there, they are not saying anything to you. You hit it by picking up a stone. Ha, ha, the leg is broken, the leg is broken, it was fun, it was fun. My aim is so good, you are not realizing that because of this stupidity of yours, that poor creature has become disabled for life, This is sadism, lack of empathy. Not realizing that it also feels pain
42:03 So lack of Empathy Is sadism, A narcissist person will never be able to listen to his own criticism. What is the difference between self confidence and criticism? You have confidence, someone will tell you Friend, you are a very good person, everything is fine, but in this matter you are weak. What would you say, yes I will try, I will work a little more on it. You will agree that yes I have mistakes. You will agree that I have mistakes. I can be much better Narcissist person can't listen to his own criticism, He can't listen to other opinion. No matter how intelligent a person is, whatever he says, he will consider him a laughing stock. He will never give importance to someone else's opinion in front of him.
42:49 This is another symptom of narcissism And when you start seeing all these symptoms inside someone, if a person does gaslighting with someone. Gas lighting means repeatedly putting him in the guilt feeling that you are inferior, you are this, you are that, you are bad, this is a symptom of narcissism. And what happens to this person is that, it is very difficult to deal with him. toxic relationships are formed and so if you see such a person around you, first save yourself and secondly, try to get that person out of this thing. As far as India is concerned. If we talk in the Indian system.
43:35 The Indian system is quite good in this matter, not that narcissism runs rampant in the West. There is a general tradition in the society, it is not so. There were also such people, I have mentioned many times that Socrates was born in the same Greece, The same Socrates said that I know only one thing that I know nothing, I know very little. Very few people know that they know very little. Many deep thinkers hailed in the West as well, but in the Indian tradition you will see that the importance of the individual is less, the importance of the society is more. And so you will see that if you see narcissistic characters in India, they are generally seen as Rakshasa or Daitya or Asura or Danava. If you read Ramayana,
44:20 you will find that Ravana's character in it has many statements, it can be of Meghnath in Ravana and his family, it can be of Kumbhkaran, when they come to the war field, they say some statements like I am the king of the whole world. I have conquered the entire world I defeated Indra. Nobody holds a position in front of me. Who are you? But now whether we talk about Kansa, whether we talk about Duryodhan. In these epics, you will see many such sentences of the characters who we believe are on the negative side. But the character who is in the positive side in parallel, generally such statements will not come out of his mouth, but it is a very important concept in Mahabharata. Let me tell you that little story.
45:05 So you will be able to enjoy what a wonderful thing has been said in the Indian tradition. Do you know what happens in Mahabharata? Isn't it, so the war of Mahabharata is going on and the war has come to a very intense point, it has come to a dangerous point. The army of the Kauravas is very large. The army of the Pandavas is small. The Pandavas just have the advantage that Krishna is with them and Krishna's diplomacy, even if the stick does not work, diplomacy is a very important thing, its value is more than that of the stick. Krishna is such a master of diplomacy that big and powerful people are unable to stand in front of him. What is happening now, Krishna knew from the beginning that handling Karna is not going to be easy.
45:53 Everyone else will be handled, Karna will not be able to handle. So Kunti made a request to Karna and Karna told his mother that it is okay mother, you should be relaxed. Five of your children will survive. In which it was decided that I will not leave one child of yours, Arjun, I will leave the rest. Now Kunti is also worried because those children are hers, aren't they? Which mother would not worry about the child? Now what happened in the war, Dronacharya has died. You have already heard the story of Ashwatthama. Bhishma is also not in a position to fight the war. He is lying on the bed, not fighting a war. Many big soldiers on the side of the Kauravas have died, they have been defeated.
46:40 Karna is not able to control and Pandavas are in turmoil, evening meeting is going on after the war. Yudhishthira is such a person who is very humble, restrained. You will generally not hear the wrong thing from Yudhishthira's mouth, because he has a lot of restraint. But that day, in that weak moment, Yudhishthir also lost his patience and told Arjuna that you were saying that you are the best archer in the world, brother, the condition is strange that you are not able to kill Karna. Of what use is your archery, of what use is your Gandiva bow. On hearing this, Arjun got very angry, and Arjun had taken a vow that if anyone insults
47:26 my Gandiva bow, I will take his life. It was a vow, it was a promise. Now the matter got stuck that the elder brother had insulted, in tradition the elder brother and the father are considered to be one and the same, so the father like elder brother insulted him. Now Arjun is worried that now he will have to kill his brother to fulfill his vow. Krishna understood that this matter had to be rectified. Krishna went to him, said don't worry friend, there is a way for this, what is the way? It has been said in the scriptures that insulting the father and killing the father are both equal, so you also insult that relationship,
48:12 you will be free from the sin of killing the elder brother. He said this would be fine. So he went back to the same sabha and said that everything is happening because of the gamble you played. you had made all the mess, that day you put your wife at stake, you put the state at stake. Because of you, we all got exile it became difficult for all of us to live. This is your responsibility. Yudhishthira is speechless watching what he is saying, how he is speaking. Then Krishna signaled, that's it, that's enough. Now that Yudhishthira has returned, he has become silent, he was generous. In the end he becomes silent, in such a situation what will he say after that. Now Arjun's feeling of guilt is very dangerous.
48:57 Sitting near Krishna, he is saying that I cannot bear this, condemning the father and killing the father are equal. I have condemned my father, that means I have killed my father. And it is not possible for me to survive after killing my father. I'll kill myself. Everyone explained but he was adamant, and then the funeral pyre was prepared for him. Now Krishna felt that he found one solution, but the matter got stuck in another. Then Krishna took care of the matter, Krishna takes care of the matter. Krishna said, look, one more thing has been said in the scriptures, so Arjun was ready, immediately he said, what has been said. Krishna said, self-praise
49:43 and suicide are equal, so praise yourself, it will be suicide. Now I don't know how true this story is, how wrong it is because I have read the whole story after searching somewhere on the internet. But an interesting thing is that self-praise, Narcissism has been considered suicide. And this means that our culture teaches that if any child makes noise that I am this, I am that, then tell him, no you are not that. Consider yourself as a small part of a very big world. And that's why you will see
50:30 more than one such person in the tradition of Indian Philosophy, Indian Literature, who were very capable but did not speak big. bade badai na kare bada na bole bol, rahiman heera kab ahe laakh taka mera mol. The one who is big doesn't brag about himself. Rahim is saying that when does diamond says that my value is in lakhs, it does not say that, it should not even say, why should it. So this line of Rahim is against narcissism only. A man like Tulsi Das who wrote such a great epic, means what is considered the greatest epic in the entire Indian tradition, Ramcharit Manas. Is India respected all over the world because no one has got that much fame? What did that man
51:16 Wrote even after writing such a great creation. Kabit Bibek Ek Nahi More Satya Kahun Likhi Kagad Kore, i.e. I don't have the conscience to write a poem. Whatever I understand to be true, I write it on a blank paper, that's all I do. Kavi na ho nhi bachchan, praveeno sakal Kala se vidya heeno, I am neither a poet, nor do I have proficiency in language, I am devoid of all knowledge. I am a very small person. This is being said by the person who has written the most successful epic in the world because his culture says that praising oneself is a very bad thing. Kabir Das wrote such good literature that the whole world was set on fire.
52:02 And when someone asked that how do you write such good poems, Then what does he say, Tum ji janyo geeti hai woh nij brahma vichar. The ones you are telling as my poems are nothing, I just write my words about God. Now you call it poetry, where is poetry. Neither I am educated nor I know anything. Means Kabir is saying that I am not well educated, while people are completing their PhD studying him, but he is saying that I am not well educated. The identity of greatness is not to say anything about oneself and this thing has been said not one, not two, but thousands of times in the Indian tradition. And so when we look at today's research, there is a term used in recent research in the West and
52:47 that is narcissistic epidemic, it is not pendamic that the Western society is currently going through narcissistic epidemic. Epidemic has spread and what are the symptoms of epidemic spreading. If you ever pay attention, you will see how many times a person uses the word I and how many times he uses the word we. If I and mine are too much in someone's language, we and ours are not. It means that the matter is messed up Because it has to be understood that when you are in the family, in the country, then whatever happens, it is the collective responsibility of all of us. In good cases, even in bad cases,
53:34 a good team leader will give credit to the team whenever there is success. Our team did this. We have a great team, will never say I did it, and when something goes wrong, will take responsibility for it all and say it's my fault. I apologize for that, will never let the team name come up. And when someone repeatedly does me, mine, in the name of taking credit, it means that the symptoms are not right, and at present in the West, even in India, you can say, I have been used so much, Such songs, Music, films which are indivisual based. And there is a word nowadays, individual
54:20 worshiping culture in the country where this culture, at this time the culture is worldwide, you will see fifty such leaders all over the world, in the central, in the state, the society worships that person. He doesn't talk about policies, this was said a lot in America about Trump, at that time, it is also being said about Putin, it is also being said for the Buddhist ceremony that took place in Brazil. It is said for many people in India, in the Central, in the State that the focus is on the individual, the focus is not on the policy, the focus is not on the policy and this tendency shows that at Present, things are going through a worrying phase all over the world. So our question should be in today's conversation that why this happens and
55:05 what things we should take care of if we want us and our next generations to be saved from this thing. So what is the reason for narcissism? If some people are like this around you then why this happens. The biggest reason for this is considered to be upbringing. Call it upbringing, call it training, call it child reading, call it socialization of children, whatever word you want to choose for it. The biggest responsibility falls on the parents. Have you ever seen that there are many criminal families in which there are criminals generation after generation. This is the only reason for it
55:51 and no other reason works in it. What is the fact of upbringing in this. If you give your child one of the two things excessively, praise excessively or repress him excessively, in both cases there is a danger . that he may become a victim of narcissistic personality disorder later on. How? Some parents praise a lot, son you have something special within you, you are different from the world son. Now that son came some day after beating someone. Because the father had said that you are very courageous. So the child will at least show courage.
56:38 Now as soon as the child has come after beating another child, it is worth noting what the parents said that day. Some parents will say, what happened brother, this is a strange condition, let's go and say sorry to him. This happens many times, which is right also One thing happens that no problem man, it's okay, it happens. It means that even if you come after beating, you will not say anything. What is the third, how many did he hit, two, and you, eight. that's a great thing , he is my son, how old are you now son, eight years old. Turn 12 years old and I will get you a gun. gun at the age of 12 and shotgun at the age of 16. Then hit everyone easily. hit the one who is not dressed properly, isn't it , it is not good to see bad things, hit him anyway
57:24 Now the child in this family, who is getting these values from the parents, will he ever be able to become a good human being, he will not be able to. Then he sees his father, his father's behavior with his mother is like a master and slave relationship. That woman does not have the courage to speak even a sentence on family matters. So what is he learning that all the power should be with me and when he grows up all the power will be with me, I will be Kaalin Bhaiya. Kalin Bhaiya is my good friend, I am saying this intentionally. So I will be Kaalin Bhaiya. I will have all the power. If anyone takes a breath in this whole area,
58:11 he will ask me, otherwise he will be shot. So when in parenting, if you started praising wrong things, the child did violence the child abused, and don't you say which one, oh son, I teach you more, make a note, this one is abusive. This is the one, it is given like this, it is given in this sequence If you are treating children at this level, then it is a simple matter that children will go ahead of you in future. Every father wants the child to go ahead, so the child goes ahead, in this case also goes ahead. What is the other way if unnecessary repression or separation happens to the child. Whatever the child does, yes son, was the exam fine. Yes mom, it was okay. How many marks you got, father, it is 99 percent, where has one gone?
58:59 I had sent you to school for this that you should leave one in 100 and come back, and in that he was slapped twice. You wll not get food today. Next time, Papa, it was 99.5 percent. What is the rank in the class, second, in how many children in hundred. who is this? No son, no one has got second rank in the family you belong to. They want to say that no one has been able to come even second till date, but the attitude remains that no one has come second till date, first is needed son, you have drowned our name. So much pressure
59:45 Some uncle and aunt come, son recite the poem. Come, come recite the poem. From that a feeling comes in the child's mind that should I set fire to the world, am I a radio, Everyone comes and they say come recite the poem. Machli jal ki raani hai, is it something? This is a perfect tool for the children. To understand, to objectify. And this kid, is scared of you That's why he says yes father, yes mother, but in his mind What happens, you have no idea. volcano of rebellion is inflating inside. get scold for everything for everything. he does a good job yet gets beaten up. And there is a risk with this child that sooner or later it will kill itself won't be able to
1:00:30 And if you suffer and succeed Will go on this path in life. He will become a Bheekhu Matre who says that whole of Bombay is mine. so if see a scene like this around you where the children wrong doings are being glorified being glorified, it is dangerous. children with adults, with other people Should be taught to talk with manners It is very important to be taught to bow down. in front of others they should be taught to be ashamed of your mistakes. Be taught to say sorry. be taught to share, and most importantly Failure should be taught to digest easily.
1:01:16 You will get first rank in school, Somehow when you go to college So there the toppers of 50 schools come together, One of them will come first, 49 students will feel Complex. Then when you go somewhere else, will give UPSE etc. exam, all university toppers are sitting together. one will top and the rest everyone will go into frustration. That's why it is very important. to accept failures Ability to accept defeat. The power to withstand rejection, this Narcissistic person cannot handle rejection. if he told someone that i like you it is not giving option So you may not like me. I do means I do.
1:02:01 This is final. tomorrow is our marriage. Do you want to bring your parents or will you come alone? Will I come myself or will I pick you up. That’s it There is only one option. We don't have other options. because he got rejected He is not used to bear, he does not have that much courage that he can handle rejection and that is why it is said that parenting is the most important thing And also the parents in the society very sincerely should understood that if in upbringing Teaching big things, son will do IIT Son will open the company after that, Son will try hand in start up. son will do this son will do that It can be in him, son can do everything. Do something of your own later. There is something wrong. and another thing that if any
1:02:47 person gets success in life Undue success. a success he didn't deserve But by chance he got it again and again. This usually happens in the world of crime. Criminals are in competition, a child woke up suddenly full of confidence One day he came directly from a big gang with a knife. Because he is 17-18 years old, he is not worried. he doesn't know how much working hard, And overnight there was a pandemonium in his whole area And one day the 17 year old suddenly means everyone respects him so much Policemen are saluting, in private coming in the dark Big criminals are saying, from today you are our boss.
1:03:35 He is unable to understand what has happened. This also happens in social media. You have sung something. Wrote some posts, danced, Suddenly it went viral. Many millions of people have seen you liked the video And said wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. This is the beginning of the end of this man. what will happen now he has climbed so high It is very difficult to get down from the gram tree. Now he wants me to dance like this, Come again likes like this He does not come again. He only comes once. he come by chance. next time If you dance like that, then it will not be possible. Originality will not be able to come in it! And even if you do, people will say, yes, yes, it's the same
1:04:23 It is like that. And 10,000 likes left from 1 crore likes Before that even five did not come, But the benchmark is not our five. The benchmark has become one crore and now going towards depression Yes, heading towards anxiety. Now wishing over and over again that I could repeat that which is not possible to repeat because world of social media make a new star everyday. Some beautiful person will come tomorrow, will suddenly do something People will go crazy after him. once people seen your beauty. we have seen many people like this In the last 10 years those who were on the street were poor Was singing a good song, suddenly became popular Popularity could not stand it and after that it was all over Done. This is a trap,
1:05:09 This trap which leads to undue success And if it comes two or three times in a row, Then it is a very difficult task to handle. and some people say that biological Factors are also there, there are some hormones etc. But that is a different matter. What we should focus on is That we should explain this to the children in our society. explain what? What could be the lessons? What should be taken care of? Precautions if to say what should be precautions? after some time when you will be a parent So it will be especially useful. there will still be younger siblings You can at least teach them. First of all we have to teach that even rejection Learn
1:05:55 Learn a little failure too If someone rejects you, then you have to respond properly. Means even the one who rejects, you must act decently, must not be narcissistic, other person also. but if you are rejected you should not conflict with others Me, not this. Suffice it to say, ok ok no problem As you wish. This is the best, the person should be cheerful if you Proposed someone, he rejected. you must remove the negative felling from your mind. And after four days if someone asked that he had rejected you say Miss you, and you say who, Whose Who is he.
1:06:40 tu nahi koi aur shi what is special in that in such a big world it does not make sense to be mad after one person? Failures like this, together, its okay, how everyone can be successful All in all, it good we tried. 50 children study in the class. I tried but got 8th rank. I'm over 42, I'll consider this fact also I'm below seven, okay there's one side to this, but I am also above 42. if between the two If my self adjusts, then I will understand that self. The third thing is humility with your elders and with other people too, why elders only people must be mannerful to deal with anyone There must be manners. Democratic behavior
1:07:27 what is the meaning of behavior that means when you say something you have to face your adverse side Must have the ability to listen. why would everyone agree with your opinion. someone should tell you that sir you are right but I don't find these things agreeable. It should not be that if I am saying this, I will get beaten after that. no, people must have the trust while talking with you if You will also talk about their adverse side, so will you kindly listen and from that you Will pic the useful thing and accept it. If your family members are able to do this, Children are able to do so let's assume That he will become a man of law. will be people full of confidence, they will not suffer from the problem of Narcissism. with this i conclude my talk
1:08:12 Now whatever questions you have you can ask on psychology. If you have any concerns that haven't been addressed, ask them. sir, i want to ask that self confidence and over in confidence How can we know that our self confidence is becoming over confidence or narcissism what you have told, whether Narcissism, this overconfidence will be called narcissism. Very interesting question. if you allow me i would like to answer it in detail in five to seven minutes, okay. First understand that the confidence How does it come inside us? Where does it come from? confidence means that i can do it Its belief I can do this, this, this here. This belief is my self confidence, okay.
1:08:58 I am like this Self esteem is there. I can do this I have confidence. actually self confidence is related with the notion of self and self means in simple language what is my image in my mind it is called self my image in my mind in psychology. Very young children don't have their own image at all. when your very little child, is of few months old he don't even realize that he has existence Many people do an experiment of this, It is also said about some animals that that they also have a concept of self Not very clear cut. I have tried it many times, you should also try it.
1:09:44 If you have any pet animal and bird picked up if small so pick it up Go in front of the mirror. You'll get tired of trying. animal won't look at himself in the mirror animal is not able to understand it like narcissus that, it is me it seems to have someone else. because the concept of self in mind do not exist It is not there. the children of human being, one month old baby One and a half month old baby carrying her in her lap Take it in front of the mirror. He will not see himself, he will see you. Will look at you then look outside, say Both are looking alike, will not see himself because He doesn't realize that I am also something. This concept of self is formed gradually. And how it is made is a very dangerous concept.
1:10:30 the whole game In psychology is based on this concept. the person who its most beautiful Explained Meaning, in my opinion no one explained better than him. His name was Charles Hutton Cooley. Say American sociologist, psychologist. 1860 to 1930, lived in between. and at the same time there was another person America is what we call George Herbert Mead. George Herbert Mead. of both Interpretation is similar, but C H I speak a sentence of cool, You will enjoy listening to the sentence. What is his sentence? It is a long sentence, it will be difficult to write I speak two or three times, So that you can make it sit in your mind what is it. he spoke three sentences You would think that it is a game of language, but the language
1:11:15 It is not a game. I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. Hearing this, people feel that the rhetoric of the language is going on brother. Let's do it in Hindi. i'm not the one I think I am. i'm not the one you think i am i am what i think that you think i am. Right now this Jantar Mantar must be running like this inside the mind. You must be getting a feeling, but understand its meaning. In my mind have a sense of self respect Or not. Some people are full of self humiliation.
1:12:02 always beating myself up That I don't have this, I don't have that, I am crazy,
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