2 Be Better Podcast Episode #01

0:00 all right welcome to the first ever to be better podcast um we are the Chris's um I am Odin's Inc on Tick Tock Inc underscore goddess 13. this entire situation has become relevant because of our Tick Tock accounts it has so being this is our first episode we're going to give you guys a little bit of a quick who we are what we do why we're even on YouTube making these podcasts and then we will um get into some questions and emails and announcements so um so first and foremost we are a traditional value traditional marriage couple we do everything that Society tells you not to do we have gender roles pink child Blue Jobs whatever you'd like to call it

0:46 um very traditional in that I am a protector to make sure that you're safe and open car doors and do all the things that a gentleman is supposed to do um even though we're told that it's toxic and we shouldn't be doing those things so uh you want to talk about our jobs a little bit like what we do for our roles in the home so that people can understand what we mean by Traditional Values yeah so I maintain the household I cook I clean I take care of the kids of course he helps with all of it especially if I'm getting overwhelmed with the children but those are your jobs right um I run errands if I decide not to cook that day I will offer to go pick up doordash because it is my job to provide the food for you we normally just order it though I I would rather you just stay home and hang out on the couch with me than have to go pick up food also before

1:32 we continue if you guys notice the snazzy matching PJs that's because of tick tock we said Tick Tock my ass you said it we uh we agreed to do this and we're gonna suffer through it we're in Florida so it's like [ __ ] 70 degrees outside and it's very not comfortable in these things we're kind of excited about the matching jammies I'm excited for the kids for Christmas that's I mean that's that's about the extent of that so and back to the the gender roles um it is my my job to make sure that all those finances are taken care of I handle all the accounts all the money that comes to the house um I handle everything outside of the house the businesses the lawn car maintenance putting gas in the car making sure that your oil is taken care of everything that does not fall under the roof that is not uh well a maintenance falls under

2:19 and Under The Roof falls on me as well so something's broken and else I have to fix it like all those light bulbs yeah just stop it um so that that's that's the the general expectation the gentleman thing that I mentioned and it's prevalent because of the amount of hate that we have received on Tick Tock because I believe that it is a man's duty to keep his his women and kids safe and um I am a huge proponent for protect provide and preside you want to protect your family provide for them and then lead your household and um I do all the gentleman things I sleep closest to the door in case somebody breaks in uh open car doors for you sit with my you know never have my back to an exit walk up and down the stairs the right way like the curbs everything that you I mean we'll get into those

3:05 conversations I'm sure in the future I don't need to go too in depth with that now but um I am very big on the art of the gentleman so that's that's important to me I've also received a lot of hate for wanting to be your piece yeah and make your life easy well because you're a traditional wife people want to call you a slave and say that you are brainwashed brainwashed and setting yourself up for failure in life and I'm being taken advantage by a manipulative man who's probably a narcissist yeah um we have a lot of videos on our Tick Tock Pages which is why we dropped the handles in the beginning so you can go and look through some of those if you have questions um we've addressed all of those comments at length and um we get a lot of hate oh we really do so um we've covered the intro and the

3:51 traditional value things do you want to start Fielding some questions do you have other things that you want to discuss about what we do because I think that that's a very short description of of what we actually do yeah we you know because we didn't talk about the accountability and the communication and like so uh one of the things that we have gotten very big on on Tick Tock because of is communication we have we have nailed communication really well between the two of us and the entire time that we've been together we've never had an argument we've had two heated discussions because we were not able to understand what the other person was saying right but we were able to resolve that relatively easy once we were able to figure out what was actually being said it was resolved in like five minutes right the time frame before that kind of sucked but it was just heated discussion yeah um I'm I'm

4:36 very extreme when it comes to accountability and ownership I want to make sure that in the situation where something goes wrong I can figure out what in that scenario is my fault take accountability for it so that the next time something goes wrong I can avoid those steps and I do the same thing and for that we're told that you know well what if somebody's been abused or what if cancer happens and it you know people want to throw the hardest most craziest things at me because of what I'm saying with the extreme accountability instead of actually hearing what I'm saying they think that I'm blaming them for things and accountability and blame are two different things we've had those discussions numerous times as well yeah but um the accountability thing is really big so um guys I know that we're only five minutes and I'm gonna try to keep this 30 to 45 minutes we are going to field a

5:21 couple of questions from our Tick Tock pages so that those of you who are on our YouTube channel can understand what it is that we do and then hopefully you'll subscribe to the channel and um this will be it'll provide some sort of value for you so I had a woman ask both of us how as a woman can I attract this type of man why do they always ask us that because I landed me a good [ __ ] fish out here like a sexy salmon salmon salmon fight me I um I really don't know how to answer those questions because we weren't looking for each other right like this this is a happenstance for us and like

6:06 we've both been married before so like there's not like we didn't we don't we didn't just have this figured out like you and I had a year of conversations multiple conversations over and over and over again that developed into a really close friendship that eventually became a relationship like we laid out all of our expectations and we knew what we wanted from each other and what we wanted from a partner so like we we had that figured out already so by the time we started dating it wasn't like we were hooking up on the internet right and then just you know [ __ ] and then it being a thing like we had we knew each other pretty well a lot yeah you know when you think about that like when you think of today's like hookup culture and the way dating is now like we had a year of friendship before anything transpired like that's

6:51 people are like one date smash one date smash like we didn't do that so that I mean I think that's key to what she's asking I I am trying to be very careful with what I say because I'm not trying to get flagged on YouTube right like we do on Tick Tock I am I think that it comes down to being able to be patient right and not have understanding and not settling yeah like we did a you you helped me a lot with the dirty work that I had to do for my previous marriage right so like I had a lot of things that I needed to take accountability for and a lot of things that I had to work through and like you were kind of my soundboard for that because you were neutral territory so like we were able to have conversations

7:37 and I was able to work through a lot of that [ __ ] and a lot of people don't do that a lot of people will just throw all the blame on their spouse or their EX and make them the villain instead of taking accountability and like you know recognizing their their shortcomings and I didn't do that because I wanted to make sure that I got past all my flaws like I want to make sure that I'm going to be the best version of me I can be every single time right so in the event that you know any of the the situations come up that happened previously I would know how to to address those and move forward through it without you know I can navigate the Water so to speak right um and I think that a lot of people don't get to know each other like that anymore that that desire to get to know someone on an intimate level and not just a a sexual level is is

8:22 fading and I understand that lust is an important thing in dating like especially when it's new like you you're excited and like you know somebody new yeah get to know them Mysteries right but it's that's not really where it is anymore like people don't do the getting talking I actually had a a message come through where um somebody asked me um how I don't remember exactly how she worded it but she said that when she sends spicy text messages he replies immediately but when she sends conversations it takes them forever and I'm like well that he's telling you like he just wants to [ __ ] like that's not I I don't want that like that wasn't something that I wanted with you even when we actually had our first date like we had conversations about our date and like we analyzed our date and picked the [ __ ] apart like how did I do and like we interviewed ourselves and you know there

9:08 was there was an excitement there about all of that and that I feel like that's something that's lost on society so as for finding a guy like me fix yourself right like be the best most [ __ ] gangster version of you you can be have your [ __ ] together know what you want and be willing to articulate that to your partner like when you when you sit down for dinner that first time and you guys are learning about each other and having those conversations like you can gain so much information on a date if you especially at a restaurant and like oh this is going to be one of those things that I've got a ton of hate on I believe men should pay for the date like I agree and people are like well you know women just want to use you for for money for food or whatever well don't take them out again so what it's it's dinner like if you can't afford a 20 meal for somebody to spend two hours

9:54 with them like maybe you shouldn't be dating like maybe you should work on your finances and work on on being more responsible and then worry about finding a partner later like right or go to a park [ __ ] pack some sandwiches in a a picnic basket throw a blanket on the ground [ __ ] sit outside and sweat for a couple hours I I don't know I just so yeah I'm gonna and I'll probably catch flak for it here too I don't I don't expect everybody to agree with me I I don't care if you agree or not like that's what I believe in and nothing's going to change that so like I I will pay for dates every single time I've ever gone on I'm paying um and I guess it's kind of a shitty thing to say that if you can't afford to go on a date you shouldn't be dating because I guess having finances doesn't really dictate your Worth right but you

10:41 said you could do free dates but you can do free dates right so um I think one of the reasons that I landed you is because I I'm intelligent and I when I say intelligent I think I'm emotionally intelligent like I did the work on trying to figure out my own [ __ ] so I think I showed you well enough that if we ever get into discussions like we've had I'm capable of taking my accountability and working to make me better for myself and for us yeah but I don't think I saw that on the first date though and that's that's kind of what her question is like she's trying to find quality of character right but and like you're you can get that like you'll find that over the course of multiple dates but that's not a conversation that I think a lot of people are having on the first dates we

11:27 had um it's it's just different like we had so many conversations leading up to that date that like by the time our dinner actually felt like a date we had already been on to dinner numerous times like we had become best friends it wasn't like it was one of those things where we just went on a date after just meeting each other and trying to have those conversations right but you know I you know if it was the first time we had ever actually sat down together and had a like an intimate date like that I would be able to learn a lot by the way that you treat the the service people in the in the restaurant like you know the way people yes or no or yes ma'am no ma'am or thank you you're welcome like people treat servers like [ __ ] yeah so if you pay attention to what they're doing and the way they're treating those people you get a good indication of who they are as a person and then you know you want to engage them in conversations about their their past and like their

12:13 exes because just having a conversation about your ex like we knew each other's exes right so we already knew who they were as people so when we're having conversations and you're not throwing blame that's a huge thing for me that's a green flag that would that would be one of those things where I'm like okay she's emotionally mature like she knows the [ __ ] she's doing because you're not throwing it all on him and I wasn't throwing it on her we were saying okay well these were our shortcomings and we could have been better here and yes this happened but if I would have just done this that wouldn't have been a case and like we had a lot of those conversations right so I think that on first dates those kind of conversations are are vital um because it is going to tell you a lot about people and you can find out like how close people are with their families how their relationships are with their parents right um those are are kind of important things as well

13:00 but I think it's also important to say a man like you is not going to be on Tinder no I I've never had a Tinder account I had um [ __ ] it was like match.com I think yeah yeah it was before Myspace yeah um for so you guys are curious like I am old I'm 42 years old I was born in 1980 so like I I had life before internet and like got to witness all of this [ __ ] change so um you're like a sexy ancient artifact oh [ __ ] um but yeah I had a match.com account way back in the day it was before I moved to the area it had to have been like 98 or 99 maybe early 2000 and um I never did anything with it like I I

13:46 you know what are you gonna send a heart to somebody like I don't give a [ __ ] about that and now now the idea of being able to swipe on a picture to see if somebody's attractive and then you want to [ __ ] them like that right that's solely based on appearance too yeah well and yeah you're gonna get yeah I'm good on that I don't want to deal with any of that [ __ ] like at the idea of swiping and having somebody coming to my house like you know how dangerous that is Craigslist Killer dangerous like yeah so what would you what would your your answer to that question be because I've been talking now for 10 minutes and I haven't shut the [ __ ] up I'm going to shut up and let you so I would say my answer for that is don't look on Tinder you're not going to find a man like mine on Tinder like he said you have to be in a good place mentally if you are somebody who

14:32 blames your Triggers on everybody and everything but you don't want to say like hey how can I work on myself to not be triggered by these things I don't feel like a good man is going to want to have to have 10 years with somebody who's like yeah well you triggered me you're the problem I agree with that you know um I agree with that a lot I think that it's important that people do the Dirty Work in between their dates right and like you know there's a lot of people that jump out of relationships and jump right into one and things like that and you don't have time to really process what's happened at that point and you are bringing all of that [ __ ] baggage and I actually think that's one of the questions that I have that we have to go over tonight um that baggage being brought from relationship to relationship like you need a [ __ ] bellhop to take your [ __ ] to the room because you brought so much [ __ ] with you yeah um and then this is like for long term

15:19 the longevity of being in a relationship with a man like you I constantly show you that I appreciate you and that I want you and I love you and you're the best damn thing that's ever walked into my life the finest too and you tell me tell me regularly that you're proud of me which is a big deal yeah men men Thrive when they have somebody in their Corner that will give them positive affirmations and it doesn't take much I'm proud of you you're a good dad hey I appreciate that you're working so hard like I see a lot of people on Tick Tock saying that all their partner does is an egg and like it comes from both sides you know it's obviously more women are naggers than men according to tick tock right but that's because men don't listen like if you if you hear your partner repeat the [ __ ] back and get it done

16:06 like at that point there's no reason to nag now in the event that like they're asking you to clean something and it's not to their standards that's a problem because they're trying to make you do something to their standards and that's not the way things work um but I think it's important to know that like there's never been a case where like you've had to ask me to do something more than once right because if you say hey can you do this I stop what the [ __ ] I'm doing and I do it because I know I will forget and if I don't do it right then it's not getting done so um and like there are things that that I I am notorious for doing like leaving the Publix bags on the counter like I and I know that I'm doing it I just I put the food away and walked out of the kitchen I do it every single time but that's not something you've ever nagged at me for like we joke about it it's no different than you at the cabinets like

16:51 it's a ha ha thing for us um I think we're also good at gentle reminders for each other like if I forget to do something you don't go hey dumb [ __ ] you didn't get it done what's the problem no because you beat me I mean I am getting those gains in the gym stop it you better watch out big guns all right so let's go with the next one all right next question I almost flexed in my jammies but I don't want to rip this yeah please don't do that we don't need to see a She-Hulk in here like you know it's hard enough people want you on the internet like I would say they're here for both of us yeah they're here for you no yep I mean you're the one who has the nice traps out of the pair that's true I did have somebody comment on my traps on Tick Tock the other day you've had a lot of

17:36 people [Laughter] yeah all right so this is actually I screenshot this we were just talking about it so if you want to go a little bit more in depth how am I supposed to effectively communicate with my boyfriend I try to he always says I'm complaining negative [ __ ] or Petty it's the way that you're delivering the conversation right so if you come at me and you say you do this you do that and when you don't do this it pisses me off my defenses are going right up right I got nothing to say to you at that point like you just came at me sideways talking on the side of your neck like we're not okay but if you came out and you were like uh if if like I said something the day before that hurt your feelings and you were to say I feel like [ __ ] when we have discussions and these

18:23 kind of words are used at that point you're not throwing the blame on me you're telling me you don't like those kind of words or you don't like my tone when I use those kind of words and obviously that was a really shitty for instance but those kind of conversations are prevalent because I versus you if you say you do this it's an aggressive [ __ ] you and if it's a I feel like ladies I'm gonna give you a life hack right now if you have a good man and a good man like bold letters like not a [ __ ] boy but like a good man he is going to want to do whatever he can to make sure that you are emotionally sound and like most men don't do well when women get upset or start crying like we've had those talks

19:09 yeah um if you came to me and said that you need whatever and it was something that I could do to make you not sad or you not feel a certain way I'm gonna [ __ ] do it right it might take me two or three weeks to like implement it and create a habit and like there will be times where I'll have to stop and apologize and like fix that right away because like you know when you're when you're doing something that you know you're not supposed to be doing if you stop during doing it and mentally break that habit while it's happening that's going to change things so in her scenario I would say that she needs to i instead of you um don't try to correct things or make change when there is conflict because you're not going to Institute change when conflict is happening um it is important to let that scenario

19:55 simmer let you know Let it go from a boil to a simmer and things are calm maybe the next morning or the day after that and just be like hey you know I'm really sorry about the other day take accountability for it I mean even if even if it's not your fault just I'm sorry that we fought is enough right because now you're opening that conversation from a place of of I wish we were better or remorse if you want to call it that I think I wish we were better as a better a better phrase um but once you do that you are taking accountability they're likely to do the same it may not be a true apology it could be like yeah me too right but I also think it's important when you apologize you express why you're apologizing not just saying I'm sorry so I'm sorry we we got into it the other day I don't like it when we fight it's a great way to start a conversation because you were you were [ __ ] laying

20:42 it all out there you're taking accountability you're saying that like it hurts you when we fight so now I'm now I'm engaged like I'm listening okay so what what can we do to make this better so those kind of things go A real long way but you can't do that in the moment um I also think that it's important not to raise your voice at your partner I was just thinking that so in the event that you are having a heated discussion take a second like apologize you know take a breath walk around the living room if you need to like five deep breaths I don't care what you have to do um in the event that you catch yourself raising your voice stop what you're doing just look at your partner and be like I love you I'm sorry I talked to you like that I don't want to be this way with you like I want to be able to have a civil conversation and not treat you poorly right because you're doing a lot in that scenario when you tell somebody that you're instilling that thought process in yourself right so you

21:29 are apologizing to them but you are creating a positive thought pattern that you are now instilling in the moment even when you're angry and that will make you a better person so those are those are my advices I don't know if you've got any because I I'm a [ __ ] talker holy [ __ ] I think as a woman um I've had to actually check myself a couple of times where something super small for example like the clothes on the floor in front of the hamper the first time that happened I was like this [ __ ] but then I took a step back and I was like is that really that big of a deal to get upset about like do I really need to call him in here and say you lazy what is this pick up your clothes I do everything else in the house and I had a second thought process about it and then I made that Tick Tock where

22:14 I said one day you're not going to be here and I'm going to miss picking up your clothes in front of the hamper I think like little catches like that eliminates a lot of arguments yeah yeah you gotta pick your battles like is that really something that you want to ruin your entire day over or even even two hours of your life I've done laundry for us you have so in the event that there's clothes all over the floor around the basket yours mine towels whatever I don't give a [ __ ] it takes me a half a second to pick that up right so for me to even be like hey you missed a laundry basket who gives a [ __ ] yeah I have to bend down to pick up the laundry basket anyways for my big ass hand and just scoop right into the dirty laundry and walk into the the laundry the washroom like I'm not going to complain about that right I'm not like now if you dropped thumbtacks on the floor and I stepped on one of a [ __ ] complain

22:59 about that you know what I mean that's physical pain that's like but for me to pick up the clothes it's not going to hurt anything now for all of you gentlemen out there you know that we have multiple piles of clothes my entire side of the bed is clothes that are not dirty worn once for maybe 10 or 15 minutes going to the bank but not clean right so like I can I I can wear like I wore this shirt today to work and it's not dirty because I didn't sweat so I can wear this to the gym tomorrow right because I'm not trying to wash my shirts 50 [ __ ] times like your clothes will will deteriorate over time the more you wash them so I try not to do that I wear a same pair of blue jeans that are not work pants six seven eight times before I wash them unless I get sweaty the moment I get sweaty and I'm I'm not doing that anymore but

23:45 um so men have our own piles of clothes and if it's half in the hamper half out that's a possibility that some men may wear that shirt again that's actually good enough that's the thing obviously I I have my own system my pile on the side of the bed is my I'm going to wear this again everything that's in within five feet of the hamper is just me not playing basketball because I suck at it right so but I will fastball throw it as far as I can and get it as close as I can to that thing I just had a whole Vision so adding on to that the last thing I want to say about this is ask him why he feels like you're coming at him with pettiness or bitchiness like what am I how am I articulating myself that makes you feel like I'm bitching at you did she actually use the term Petty in there yeah that's that's a problem

24:31 so they obviously have different standards right of things because if he feels something's Petty and she doesn't there's a lack of communication there's a break down there um I don't know how to word this the way that I'm I'm trying to say it but it's almost like me saying that this is stupid and you're getting mad about it because we do that and I'm like the the you being mad is not stupid the fact that we're arguing over something so so dumb is stupid like and it's not really arguments like you know it's you brought something up and I didn't see it as a big deal so I'm like this is dumb and like we've had that conversation and I've had to explain like I'm not calling you dumb I'm not invalidating your argument or that you feel the way that you feel but like I don't want us to have a bad day because of whatever's

25:18 going on so just tell me what it is and I'll go take care of it and we can just move the [ __ ] on from this because I don't have this conversation anymore but I don't think that's Petty and I don't think that's nagging it's just us trying to figure out our [ __ ] so what I just I was just thinking the first time that I ever said that to you oh I was so mad you were salty as [ __ ] and I was like babe babe I'm not saying you're stupid I'm not invalidating your feelings right now like I don't it's important to me that we get quality time like the if we have four hours at the end of the day to spend together where it's just the two of us right I want those four [ __ ] hours like I don't want three and a half of it I don't want two hours and 25 minutes because we were mad for an hour and 45 minutes like I want I want that [ __ ] time so I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that that time is quality and that we are

26:04 happy in watching movies and having intimacy or dancing in the kitchen or having dinner together whatever the case may be because I you know I could die tomorrow like why the [ __ ] would I be mad over laundry knowing that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and like the last four hours that we could have had together we were fighting over a [ __ ] laundry basket right that's my thought process that's why I feel the way I do about the dumb arguments right all right so my cabinet slamming video where I I call out the temper tantrum right I had somebody comment and say but let's not talk about women who stay home 24 7 raising and caring for a child and a home that's not just theirs where our

26:50 mfing day off angry face angry face angry face um so the first thing I want to say about that is if if you're going to make a pretty aggressive comment like that you should proofread yeah um but I I do want to talk about that how about it stay at home wives or moms deserve days off they deserve breaks and I'm sure you've made a tick tock I remember made several of them right where you talk about a man coming home and saying I need 15 minutes before you take a break decompression time right both parties need to decompression time yeah so this super aggressive comment of making it sound like I believe men only deserve days off but stay-at-home moms can get [ __ ] it is ridiculous to me yeah so I want to make it a known fact

27:36 that both parties in a couple are doing jobs okay so let's have a scenario right ooh scenarios I like those I'm at work putting out a fire with multiple employees in my manager and trying to navigate my day and like you're having a bad day at the house right sending me messages kids are being [ __ ] obnoxious today I'm I'm really overwhelmed I'm over stimulated whatever and I'm not replying to you as quick as I normally do which is frustrating you even further right and I'm now getting frustrated because my phone is blowing up because you're trying to get my attention and I'm in the middle of something so my response to you is I'm in the middle of something with the employees right now not going to name anybody but I'm dealing with so and so I'm having a really rough moment at the moment I will message you when I'm done whatever that

28:22 calmed you down you know that we're taking care of an hour goes by your day has gotten worse mine has gotten a little bit better because I'm I'm done with the situation now right I can call you on the way home like hey I'm on my way and you can be like I'm overstimulated I'm overwhelmed [ __ ] them kids like I need I need a break and I'm like cool I'm gonna come home shower I need 15 minutes to to acclimate to the home life you can leave go to Target go do whatever your Starbucks Hobby Lobby whatever it is that you want to do I'll get the homework done we'll doordash when you get back and then we'll get the kids in for for a shower right you see how easy that is yeah like there's not like a I need a [ __ ] break [ __ ] this [ __ ] you [ __ ] the kids like there's no reason for that you just simply say I'm having a shitty day I need 15 minutes I'm also

29:09 having a shitty day I would like an hour out of the house cool to make that work right because it's that's that person has never experienced that yeah and I don't know if that's a man problem because she picked shitty men because that could be the case right like you obviously have a poor choice and partners if that has been your experience with every man that you've been with yeah whose fault is that the common denominator where's the accountability right because there's no no [ __ ] possibility that every single man that you've ever dated is a piece of [ __ ] right if every one of your relationships have failed there's a reason there's a [ __ ] reason for it oh people aren't ready for that conference no they're not but see that's the difference in the accountability conversation that we've had that's why we don't fight because we go okay you're right I did that yeah I I will do everything I can to not do it again and if you catch me doing it

29:55 just be like hey we talked about this and I'm like oh you're right yeah and like I said a gentle reminder don't got to get shitty like we had a conversation about this what the [ __ ] yeah you know yep um I think it's also so as a stay-at-home wife I think it's important that I prioritize myself and everything of course you know so the scenario is not everybody's lives and I understand that our kids are in daycare so they're at school for seven eight hours during the week I have my time management skills like yeah perfect I'm gonna I'm gonna piggyback on that real quick yeah the reason that the kids are in daycare is because there are special needs that need to be met that we are though I think we could probably manage I would rather have a professional do it

30:42 right like our son with his speech and and so much so that I'm ready to hire a secondary speech coach yeah um those are things that are important to me so the daycare thing as much as I would rather have the kids here especially when school starts like if we could homeschool that's something that we've talked about at length right I would be happier with that but I'm afraid that we are going to have shortcomings in that aspect because of the special needs aspect of things having somebody that is specialized in what we need kind of overtakes my want to not have them become indoctrinated into the school system right so the fact that they're in daycare is a necessity it's not because we can't manage it because we do yeah that school closes constantly the daycare closes constantly and we have the kids all day long and it's not like our day really changes much it adds

31:27 like an extra hour right into your schedule so I I only bring that up because of the time management videos that you've made um people are like what about kids if you have kids that's not the case no it really [ __ ] is the case like yeah I still do everything even with the kids here right I have them help me clean there they enjoy it yeah they they you know they're doing something with Mom I get that um don't remember where I was going with that yeah and I interrupted because I like to talk it's okay I like listening to it stop it let's see it blows my mind how salty people get with us oh bro it really oh I called you bro babe dude [Laughter] I'm trying so see I that what you were

32:13 saying prior breaking the habits I caught myself in the moment yeah and corrected it perfect example I've been wanting to push that button since we started this thing I love that all right so dumb so would you want to do like one more of my questions and then move on yeah I have I have a couple questions too and then we have those emails that I want to talk about we're 32 minutes in right now so okay so this will be the last one what do you do if you're behind on chores because of mental issues so I suffer from mental issues and when I am having a hard day it depends on the severity of it there are days where I'm able to get myself out of bed and

32:59 shower I like I'll slack on a couple of things like I might not brush my hair but getting out of bed and getting the chores done is important to me and having a sense of routine helps with my depression and my anxiety on the harder days where I don't want to get out of bed I ask you for help it's crazy right it's insane that you can just be like hey I'm I need you to do this for me this morning can you get this taken care of I'm like yeah no problem yeah it's not hard like we we do have our assigned jobs and I say a sign because we laid out those expectations signed a contract and everything crazy how that works right like hey these are the jobs that I'm responsible for these are the jobs that I'm responsible for cool these are the job that's left over how are we splitting this all right we got it now we know who's doing what that doesn't mean that I'm not going to ever step in and help if I come home and the kids are are being kids because they

33:46 get like that sometimes and you're cooking dinner and I notice the laundry basket's full I'm gonna start laundry right it's not like I have to go out there and beat it over a rock and scrub it on a board you know what I mean like next to a creek I throw it in the laundry and push a button like it's not hard same thing with the dishwasher um but you know I gotta be honest too even if you went two or three days without doing your normal routine it's not the end of the world our house is not going to fall apart if it's not maintained 24 7. so on days where we're both home and you're like hey I'm like cool let's not do that then let's sit here and watch a binge watch TV show all day long like I would rather spend that time with you because I'm home than have you [ __ ] cooking and cleaning and doing your normal routine like we're here let's enjoy it right I don't um

34:33 I don't get it I I really don't like I I've I've lived my entire life taking care of myself so the idea that I'm not going to lift a finger when things need to get done is asinine right the garbage needs to go out that's my job anyways so like I take the garbage out I don't wait until there's [ __ ] [ __ ] piling up over the litter until I'm getting screamed at because the garbage needs to go out um it really just comes down to making sure that the house is functioning and everybody's happy and content right but the extra 15 seconds that it would take me to take out the trash or two minutes if I have to walk it to the curb like it's nothing it's I would rather just do that two minutes of time and get it out of the way than here 15 to 20 minutes of fighting because I waited until there was bugs or yeah whatever you know what I mean it's stupid to me all right let's go to do you have anything you want to add to

35:18 that before I uh no I said it routine helps my depression like if you're if you lay in bed all day and you give into that depression it's just gonna make it worse getting up and showering like that's a win getting up and cleaning the stove and putting dishes away is a win even if it's small chores you're getting chores done yeah I'm notorious for just taking [ __ ] out of the dishwasher as I need it um because it's less stuff that's gotta get put away like if I need a cup I'll just grab it out of the dishwasher it's laziness I know that it is but it is less [ __ ] it's got to get put away all right uh this says how does a lady let her man protect her question free if a previous man broke all trust she has in anyone oh well

36:04 remember that conversation we had at the beginning of this a baggage and like doing all the dirty work and fixing your [ __ ] before jumping into a relationship that's how yeah that's the answer I think it also like a man needs to be consistent with things I agree with that like you being consistent made me trust you right but if okay preface this by saying that I know for a fact your previous boyfriend didn't abuse you right I don't know anything beyond that but let's say he did right the year year and a half or however long it was that you were not with him you did the Dirty Work you figured out all the things that were wrong in your life you would have gotten past that before you and I started dating because you weren't trying to bring that [ __ ] into our relationship right I understand that people have trauma I understand it

36:51 takes time for people to get over trauma sometimes it takes people years to get over trauma yeah sometimes people don't get over trauma that doesn't mean that you can't date again but like if you can't get over your [ __ ] and start healing yourself when you start dating someone else you are bringing all of that Brokenness and all of that ugliness into that right so you may get a really good person and then [ __ ] [ __ ] on them because they did something to trigger something that you've went through that you didn't do any type of work on so in that scenario if you want to be able to trust your partner and you had a bad relationship don't get into a new relationship until you've worked at least through some of your [ __ ] right I agree with the consistency I also know that there's a subconscious safetiness involved like if you don't feel safe with your partner

37:37 in public you're not going to feel safe at home right and if you don't feel safe at home you're not going to feel safe in public so like there there is a level of protection that needs to be had there and if you want to be able to completely let go and like Let Your Man protect you you need to make sure that you have a protector and not a [ __ ] sheep so that's that's a hard question because you can't you can't make somebody do the things to make you feel safe if you have somebody that's not capable you have somebody that's not capable of of situational awareness or has never been put in a situation where they've had to to actually enact violence they're they're not going to be good at doing so you know what I mean like there's training that comes involved in all of that stuff muscle memory

38:23 um there's things that I believe that I do that makes you feel safe with me like I won't let you walk outside at nighttime by yourself right I'm not gonna ever let you go do something where you could be attacked unless I'm there I won't let you walk to a rest stop bathroom like when we travel I I stand outside the bathroom until you're done and I know that that [ __ ] may make other people feel uncomfortable good [ __ ] them like I'm not there for them but I guarantee you if somebody tried to grab a woman coming out of the bathroom and I was standing there I would stop that yeah so like you know I obviously I'm not standing right at the [ __ ] entrance of the bathroom like a goddamn bouncer like let me see your ID [ __ ] you know what I mean but like I'm close enough that if I have to take you know action I can but I've also you know I make sure that you're not walking across parking lots at night by yourself and like I will I've rescued you from the

39:08 store yeah like you know I've rescued you at the apartment before we work together like I've done things to show you that I will make sure that your safety is a priority and if the man that she's talking about has not done those things you're not going to ever trust him and if he is doing those things and he's showing you that he can be a protector you just have to let go and trust that he's going to do that and trust this to be earned yeah so like maybe him showing you that he's capable of doing things is how he earns that trust that's a tough one because trust is not something that's just easily given I don't know all right I'm gonna move on to the next one because that was a whole lot of blah blah blah uh last question then we're gonna do some emails this one says what is your view on a man in a committed relationship that is wanting to still

39:53 have private com um combos with his female friends um so we we've had these conversations at links we have um there are people in my life that have been in my life since I was a kid that you have been introduced to and in the event that I ever wanted to spend time with him you would be with me like I'm not trying to go and hang out with somebody that you've never met before or that you're not comfortable with in the event that we went out and met one of my friends like I'm going to use Mimi for example because she lives in North Carolina or Tennessee if we stopped over there and saw her she's in Knoxville um and we stopped by and saw her and you were like she made me feel really uncomfortable she was hitting on you the whole time or flirting with you blah blah blah I would never be around her without you there and like the private

40:38 conversations in terms of text messages and [ __ ] like I don't really do that you know what I mean like I let you pick my phone up all the time so if somebody's texting me and I'm doing something like who is that what do they want yeah or you know in the event that my phone rings I would let you answer my phone too I don't give a [ __ ] like there's not a reason for me to I'm not putting myself in a position where I have to be sneaky right and I think that that's a prevalent thing um at the same time I also know that you tell me when people hit on you like every time you get an appropriate message you're like so-and-so said such and such right and it made me feel uncomfortable like so block them or tell him to go [ __ ] himself like in the event that I feel threatened or like I feel like somebody's encroaching on my happiness I would have a conversation with you about it but you do a very good job of checking that on your own right

41:24 like this comes down to having respect for yourself and respect for your partner if you are going this this ties into everything that we've talked about tonight if you were going to do something that's going to create conflict in your home whether it's an argument over the dishes or the [ __ ] laundry basket or conflict because you're messaging people of this of the opposite sex like you were doing something that's going to make your home life harder right why would you want to do that it's like swimming against the [ __ ] current don't do that like if you want to have a happy life navigate the [ __ ] Waters and make your life good all the attention that people are giving to the opposite sex via text message or having those quote unquote friends like you can have that intimacy with your partner and like you can have those conversations with your partner I'm not

42:09 saying that you can't have your own individuality you should have friends that are not part of of this like I'm not close to your family I'm not close to your sister so like when you and your sister are having girl talk and you're doing all that like I don't want to know about that I don't give a [ __ ] about any of that doesn't affect my life right but if you were going back and forth with an ex or if you were going back and forth with somebody that I've never met before and you knew it was going to make me uncomfortable and you did it anyways that that's that's the problem is that you did it anyways knowing I would have an issue with it yeah but that comes down to our our conversations like we know what's acceptable and what isn't like I don't do thirst trap videos I don't my I do like bodybuilders both male and female I obsess over the physique like crazy and you're doing it now too because we've gotten into bodybuilding but um

42:54 like the the jiggly butt videos and all the [ __ ] on Tick Tock like I I scroll past that [ __ ] as quick as I can and a lot of time I block the creators because I don't want to see that like I don't get anything of value from that I would rather watch I would rather see the Christian Tick Tock [ __ ] pump up pop up on my page more than that stuff because I get value from that right so like in the event that I had a female friend or and this is another thing that happens when people are like how can I message you directly I'm like you can message us on Instagram yeah I'm not doing that I have nothing to say to you I don't know you like that so like we don't need to have a private conversation if you need to say something to me knowing that my woman is a Creator doing the exact same thing that I'm doing you can message us directly or you can email us because I'm not having these conversations on the side with you right I'm not putting myself in a position to deal with that

43:40 so that's a me thing I expect you to do the same thing even though we've never had that conversation because I'm showing you that that respect right so it sounds to me that that person has obviously got had as an issue with this or or maybe they don't and they think that it's okay to just do that and they want me to tell them it's okay right but I it's not okay like you are putting yourself in a position to be manipulated you can create negativity bias on your partner based off of other people's opinions um and then it opens doors to emotional cheating or actual cheating for that matter it's just not worth doing right so um I actually want to piggyback off of that so I actually have a friend that I've known for a while

44:25 he knows that I'm with you he knows that we're in a relationship and we're married and he messaged me I told you about this and he said something along those how are you love right and I said I find that inappropriate you know like I'm married I don't call me pet names and all he said was yeah I know so I from then I haven't spoken to him I'm not going to put myself in a position like you said to cause turmoil in a relationship and the fact that he knew that we were together and decided to call me love anyway just shows that you're pushing boundaries to see what you can get away with with me yeah there was that was probably his intro and hoping that that he could start getting more and more inappropriate right you've actually had people try to send you clothes and [ __ ] too which I think is pretty wild yeah someone with a offered

45:14 me a purple plaid Mini skirt that's funny all right so you want to get into these emails because we're we're already 15 minutes longer than I wanted to go but okay so uh we okay do you want to do the announcement first and then read the emails uh yeah let's do this last because I I'm I'm probably gonna cry so we are in the process of creating a life coaching business um we have almost 300 000 subscribers between the two of us which isn't a lot I mean it is but it's not a lot in comparison to some of these other accounts right but we have had numerous people telling us that we have saved their marriage and that the the tips that we give with the report cards and and all the things that we do is opening dialogue between married couples and it's saving their marriage so we are creating a a life coaching business

45:59 that's called to be better we are working out the final details now and I'm hoping that we should have it up and running by January um where we are going to be doing uh FaceTime so we can actually have like one-on-one conversations or Zoom calls or two on one if they want to talk to both of us um the life coaching is going to include uh exercise diet marriage advice relationship advice communication advice all the things that we talk about on Tick Tock inner growth inner growth personal growth accountability things that we can help people improve their lives because we're already doing it right but we're doing it so vaguely and so generically on Tick Tock that we decided we wanted to get specific with people make this a very real thing to generally help people and like so a little bit of of why this

46:46 even became a thing we went to take pictures at the Garden and we were an hour and a half in the car down there and I was like I really want to start doing life coaching like we're really helping people and you're like it's so funny you said that because I was just thinking the same thing which we do a lot right we're very our synchronicity is very connected in that um so we had that conversation we did our pictures we talked about a little bit more on the way home I talked to my adopted mom about it she was like you know I think that's a great thing and then we set up the email and within one hour of of setting up our email we got an email from somebody we did and that's this one and it says I'm going to mute you in case you cough again okay um I truly enjoy both of your uh both you and your partner's accounts I value both of your content and values the

47:32 reason I'm reaching out to you is because excuse me I am torn with my current situation I am a firm believer in family values and hope that I can fix my relationship my partner entered me and my four uh boys Lives four kids holy crap um he can't have children for context in the beginning the courting was phenomenal I love that she used the term courting and not dating the father figure was astonishing showing up to games and playing sports with them my two oldest were in their early teens so he would count on them to do the things with the two other smaller boys at the time I met him I worked a single I worked as a single mom he moved in took over all the bills and life was a dream I've come from an abusive relationship I won't hide I've had a drinking problem

48:18 as I suffer from PTSD extreme anxiety self-mutilation and depression he communicated that he was not happy with my excessive drinking which took me over a year to get a hold of kudos to you for that every time I would express my feelings I would get the response don't be so overly emotional and stop having the victim mentality we talk about the victim mentality a lot I catered to him at his beck and call he has never stepped foot in the kitchen when I worked I would still handle everything with the boys plus the household duties with no help from him however due to the fact that I was so involved with the boys extracurricular activities um I didn't mind we have had rough patches in our seven years conversations during those rough patches I have expressed how I don't feel like an equal his response when you

49:03 can bring to the table what I do then we will be equals other issues that have come up me not putting him first we have dinner every night as a family and I always serve him serve from youngest to oldest as I want the food to Cool by the time we're all sitting most of the times everyone finishes before I sit down and end up eating I end up eating by myself right so I'm going to stop right there because there's still half this page but I want to talk about a couple things I want to talk about a couple things as we move through this first and foremost she mentions on the the second paragraph of this that he was very involved with the kids right and like so I'm real big on the there's a difference between being there and being present and there's a difference between watching your kids and raising your kids so like

49:49 the fact that he stepped in as a father figure to four young boys and was doing the dad thing off rip like that's not an easy thing for a man to do especially if he's never had kids before so like that would have been like a huge green flag for me if I was a woman that he was able to step into that role like I would I would absolutely feel that this is a dream like right um you know and then it goes on to talk about her drinking and [ __ ] and I understand she has PTSD and the self-mutilation scars and the depression but um him not being happy with the excessive drinking and her actually stopping for him is a big deal like huge you know how hard it is to to quit an addiction anyways but to do it for someone else when it's not you wanting to do it is even harder like people kick it habits because they want to not because someone

50:35 else does so she really put herself second to this man's needs right so when we got to the the food aspect um the only thing that I disagree with this is that I think she should give him his plate first instead of the kids um but I also don't agree that she should be eating without everybody at the table like we sit down and wait for everyone we don't eat you know and we use that time at the table to talk about the days and like we get to hear the good things through the day what did you learn in school how was your play time with your friends babe how was your day today did you get your nails done like we have good conversation it's our time at dinner to catch up the fact that she's eating Last by herself and everyone else has gone from the table shows a lack of respect for who she is right um and then there was the other thing was saying that um when you bring

51:22 to the table what I do we will be equals that pisses me off it pisses me off too because so with our situation the even if it was only 20 or 30 of a load decrease from you doing what you do right that's huge like my life is stressful as [ __ ] it has been stressful my entire life not having to worry about this 30 or 50 that I don't have to worry about anymore is massive so to say that you don't bring to the table what I bring to the table is [ __ ] you you bring peace and happiness and less stress and if you guys have agreed that this is the way this marriage is going to be and she's going to be a stay-at-home wife and you're going to provide you shut the [ __ ] up and provide like you do your job in the home I'm gonna do my job outside of the home I'm gonna recognize all of your [ __ ] work like the fact that I don't have to worry

52:09 about what we're having for dinner the fact that I never have to worry about having clean socks or underwear like that's a big deal that removes a lot of decision making from my life and allows me to focus on my businesses and our you know the businesses people get really upset when I call them mine even though I had them before we got together but they want to pick that apart I think no don't correct it they're your businesses so but we do that and like in the event that I need you at the business is you have the skill sets to do everything that I'm doing over there we work together as a team there is an equality in that like and the more we get all this done the more time we get to spend together I don't I don't understand why this becomes a thing yeah um at the beginning of the pandemic we both came to an agreement that I would quit working uh and stay home to home

52:55 school that in itself became an issue issue as he felt I didn't follow the indoctrinated School structure we got um that we got passed good right [ __ ] good like the last thing you want to do is follow the indoctrinated School [ __ ] like with everything that's going on in the school system right now you would want to teach your kid your values right and if your values align with what's going on in the school system then you don't need to homeschool let them be indoctrinated into your values taught by some other person like the whole point of that though is they're your family they're your kids you should be teaching them the way that you want them taught not the way somebody else sees fit especially the [ __ ] government I I hate that [ __ ] so much I know um I did didn't mention before that my three oldest boys are in competitive boxing oldest has just started his professional career second youngest uh

53:42 is number three in the nation and third youngest is now beginning a competitive aspect of boxing it involves a lot of time uh and in the beginning money now that I have worked it out to get everything sponsored as of recent when one of the two oldest have fights I arranged a sitter with uh while he's working or one of the oldest watches him he doesn't worry about if they've eaten nor bathed he strictly depends on the kids to care for them um I'm gonna stop there because that's another thing I have a problem with right to understand if I'm understanding properly she's saying that he relies on the children to take care of the children yeah or a sitter so this um as a step parent bathing kids can be weird right right like they're not your kids that that could be a weird thing I

54:28 understand that could be a weird thing it's going to make people feel a certain way not everybody some people might be okay with it some people are going to feel like I shouldn't be doing this right um but if you've stepped into that role and they've been together for seven years now those kids see you as a parental figure making sure their homework done is they and they've eaten and like spending time with them is going to help them develop into being who they should be as an adult based off the things that you're teaching so neglecting those time frames with them while she's gone is a problem because you're putting that responsibility on somebody who shouldn't be responsible for that um anyways uh she says he has become so obsessed with crypto that he spends every waking second watching charts and trading he has fully withdrawn from the

55:13 family due to the crypto it's almost like a gambling addiction which it is it is actually gambling um his newest complaints is to me that the boys have put him in debt and if he was single he wouldn't have any of this debt I wish you were a boxer and [ __ ] break his jaw um anyways I've noticed that he has started taking it out on the boys my 12 year old made a comment that he wanted to take his friends to the movies and not to worry that he saved money at 12 years old wanted to take his friends to the movies and saved his own money to do it which means he probably saved his allowance or like did side hustle like work lawn or whatever to go um he asked him what about me he even responded Poppy I don't have enough money for you he took it personal I actually left his name out um he took

56:00 it personal and started being spiteful and mean towards them making comments what the [ __ ] do you do for me to a 12 year old this last month he told me I needed to figure out how to pay my rent or our rent I'm sorry and water because he wasn't going to continue spending his money on us because he didn't feel that I put him first nor does he have uh I'm sorry nor does he feel appreciated I told him if he wasn't going to continue contributing because he doesn't feel like it he needs to leave he refused I'm sorry for the ramble I don't believe in

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