2x05 - Cinémons (Pokémon: The First Movie/Digimon: The Movie)

0:04 [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh well we made out the spooky woods mark but we seem to have found us wait look the woods are dissolving into data and now there's just girders flying around oh [ __ ] hell mark we're in the digital world what again i hate it when this happens you're just strolling through the woods

0:51 and then it turns into a bunch of [ __ ] girders well we did you done it now so let's did you do it what we doing where are we going now well you you poked those digi puns up there yep i thought i'd get out of the way early doors oh what's that over there it seems to be some kind of dizzy egg it's hatching it's hatching and who have i found inside but the donkey kong of film criticism himself mr abdul balabas a surprise [ __ ] ah that's good it's me i'm a digimon watch out for that girder mate that girl is going to hit you just step aside and also do you have any like spare blood or body parts because you know we ate most of mine in the woods last week so i could definitely do with some

1:37 um yeah i've always got some blood to spare cool uh so whilst i drain abdul of his blood nothing else filthy [ __ ] listening i know what you're like uh aiden would you like to introduce what would you like to introduce what we're doing in the digi world please well whilst we float around in this endless void um which is punctuated only by girders and occasionally japanese teenagers screaming at us whilst we wait for the marketing roo to find us here as he inevitably will because he spends all his time on the internet um why don't we discuss two movies from the past the distant past of the late 90s early 2000s now last time you were here we talked about of course uh titan ae

2:23 yes um final fantasy the spirits within this originally we've selected two [Music] equally as good films i would say yeah yeah and like equally as aggressively 2000s yes so yeah i mean let's not beat around the bush the listeners know because they've seen the title of the episode we're discussing pokemon colon the first movie semicolon mewtwo strikes back which i think is the title yeah yeah it is uh and we're also the movie which if there's punctuation in the title digimon the movie it should just be quotation marks around the entire this isn't it just digimon colon the movie the movie yeah yeah yeah but i

3:09 think it should be like digimon digimon the movie i mean digimon we suppose this is a movie because it's 90 minutes is that what we're saying digimon we we legally managed to make this a movie yeah this one we know you'll pay for this [ __ ] and pay for that [ __ ] we did we did because in the spirit of torturing abdul whenever he comes on the show yeah it's a lot of fun yeah um exposing him because we sort of knew we'd find him in the digital world even though we didn't realize we were going to the digital world we somehow still managed to book a guest yeah these things happen the marketing room is very good at this job yes this is a very well scripted channel

3:54 awesome style bit that we're doing um [Laughter] so let's not waste any time here on the internet in the digiverse or whatever we're going with because we've only got so much power left in the modem guys yeah um this dial up is gonna cut out any second now okay okay what if mom needs to use the phone i mean these tick tock kids have no idea what we're talking about like what it's a modem mate i remember generation zed don't listen to this i remember the first time we got internet as a kid and it was a penny a minute internet and the idea of that is honestly abhorrent in the modern age that's some prime evil [ __ ] how long did it take to load a jpeg oh

4:40 mate like that's that won't cost anything no no no no no early 2000s internet was a [ __ ] scam just like these two films are oh oh throw some shade already harsh salty words well one of these facts oh even more more controversial mark has a preference we know that mark thinks one of these is good uh well i wouldn't say good okay one of them is less [ __ ] than the other is what i would i think one of them's your favorite you're wearing like like licensed merch from one of the films okay that's actual slander and i won't stand for it here in the digiverse okay you are wearing a pikachu onesie

5:26 i refuse to pronounce any of the characters names right of the characters that i know it doesn't pikachu's stuff but electric rat or is it am i incorrect i don't know what to tell you though you would know better than i think the number one pokemon star okay i'm not i i am not the number one pokemon stan okay and i i i'm offended by that accusation uh so whilst i look at whether or not pikachu does mean electric rat or not uh let's listen to some [ __ ] from the pokemon movie an unstoppable new enemy we dreamed of creating the world's strongest pokemon and we succeeded

6:14 a mysterious invitation you have been chosen to join a select group of pokemon trainers at a special gathering since ash and his friends on a dangerous voyage to confront a formidable pokemon humans may have created me but they will never enslave me uh so after some in-fighting between the three of us and me having to apparently accept that i'm the number one pokemon stan on this show um i'm apparently doing the intro um so yeah so this is the pokemon movie it came out at some point um i haven't written a script at some point as you can sorry i can't let that slide i know this is a sloppy episode

7:00 but you can't just say it came out yes i can and i will uh no no so the pokemon movie it came out in [Laughter] so pokemon the first movie it came out in 1998 uh so as the title implies it's the first of many many many pokemon movies uh came at a point where the series was probably at its most popular or virgin on the point where it was about sort of peak in popularity and was the introduction of mewtwo who is a clone of mew supposedly

7:48 the most powerful pokemon ever in existence made from an eyelash not sure where they got that we'll talk about that later and it basically involves mewtwo saying that he wants to be the grandmaster of all pokemon essentially and challenging the world's best trainers to come and fight him so he can clone their pokemon and then like some sad [ __ ] happens and i've got nothing continued you might say he wanted to be the very best like no one ever was so i've just fired abdul and aiden from the show the marketing room was furious with me but we will finally make it work we don't even know where he is we don't even know where this guy he's lost in the digital he'll find us he i mean i'll say this that he has me that song is a banger right oh the pokemon theme slapped it's the only good thing about pokemon

8:33 it's good because they remember the song and the song to be fair both slaps and i'm pretty sure your assessment on why people like pokemon is deeply flawed but we don't have time to get into it um so thoughts initial thoughts on pokemon the first movie [ __ ] uh yeah i'm kind of inclined to agree i mean i didn't think it was entirely without merit um i think that's some interest like like you guys know me i'm i'm a big [ __ ] massive weep and anytime i see kind of like decent japanese animation you know i cream my pants a little but so like the first i think the the intro this movie starts pretty strong um there's like this entire like sci-fi frankenstein backstory for the character mewtwo and it can't even starts a little

9:18 bit like uh like uh ethereal and you know it's it's a bit arty it's it starts with a lot of existentialism doesn't it because like the opening lines of the movie are very much who am i where am i what am i uh which i remember watching it for this few and i haven't seen this movie a very very long time but i was like i don't remember the opening being this song yeah yeah and it does also open with like the character mewtwo being born and then proceeding to murder a bunch of guys which is metal as [ __ ] yeah the opening to this movie kind of yeah like all the imagery of youtube in his little sphere yeah thing and then he like wakes up and just wrecks [ __ ] i mean it's actually pretty yeah but then like as it here's the thing okay i'm ready i'm leaning

10:03 i mean pokemon fans have subsequently kind of thought this i mean true pokemon fans not like you mark who's like a fake pokemon chill um very true very true and very based this is like a sequel to this tv series that we all grew up watching right the 90s series um and subsequently like a lot of pokemon fans have kind of like turned on like the characters of that one right like they think ash is kind of like an annoying character and misty like i mean they're all just kind of like non-entities right and they're just kind of annoying brock is kind of like a person there's clear vessels for people to just see the world of pokemon that's literally yeah because there's another guy who's like ash too that the pokemon fans think is better is he called red or something yeah that's like the same tigers from the games yeah it's just the same game

10:50 for the game less obnoxious who will say like oh he's this great character whereas ash is a batty boy but um i don't see the difference they're both two little [ __ ] wearing hats who have a mouse that she was lightning i don't understand i would also like to chime in i did look up what pikachu says and it won't mean sorry and it is electric mouse awesome yeah yeah they both make sure that got known but yeah the the problem this film is that once it gets to once it gets to um ash and the gang after mewtwo the film kind of just kind of like yeah oh just kind of like way ahead of ourselves here um because we need to just address something that these two are monstrously unprofessional

11:36 and they only watched the mewtwo strikes back section of what i consider to be the pokemon movie as i'm sure the real heads of the audience remember there is a 20 minute interminably long short uh i say short like that's an episode of a show 20 minutes like that and it's [ __ ] torturous but it precedes the pokemon movie and it's called pikachu's vacation and this [ __ ] made me do whatever crimes i'm going to commit tonight i just want to be on the record i want people to remember that [ __ ] i have never understood more what it was like to be my parents watching this [ __ ] [ __ ] in the cinema when it originally came out but let me tell you about that we'll get back to mewtwo and his crusade

12:21 against man and pokemon in a minute yeah [ __ ] pikachu's vacation is [ __ ] ash brock and misty drop off the pokemon on a [ __ ] holiday island and then nothing happens for 20 minutes except we learn a few things such as that pokemon don't fight each other naturally the pokemons would rather live in peace they actually resolve their differences because pikachu and his friends meet a gang of fellow pokemons who don't like them for some reason it's hard to understand what exactly is going on because no one can speak in this they're all just going i don't even know what i'm supposed to take from this but there's this little egg looking [ __ ]

13:06 that pikachu is trying to look after and for some reason whatever man and supposedly these other pokemons don't that they're gonna like do unspeakable things to this egg thing right and then in order to resolve this they have a race a foot race which considering some of them don't have feet is an interesting thing that pokemon society has has built up because as we learn from this thing because there's a little narrator the pokedex narrates this and it's like pokemons don't normally fight in the wild which just takes so many people watching that blew my mind i was like wait i got a minute how have we created a society where there's a

13:53 blood sport around creatures that don't fight each other naturally speaking yeah yeah anyway there's some real dark underbellies to the pokemon world that i don't even want to think about well no we are going to think about it because the film raises these questions and then proceeds to dash them against rocks because okay if you want to understand the kind of world where they've created a blood sport out of these seemingly innocent sentient creatures sentient creatures sentient creatures we can't understand their language but it is a language one of them speaks english the cat looking thing speaks english canonically humans eat themselves they do eat them i mean that's not certain like humans eat animals and they're oh

14:39 we're just this is we we've fallen into the poke trap this is what's happened like you've activated my trap card yeah oh that's a that's a different thing altogether yeah well would you like it let it rip am i right should we because we brought up these like different franchises should we talk about like what like poke like i'm sure everyone in the [ __ ] mother knows what pokemon is but when this film came out do you guys remember this film coming out first i do yes i do yes do you want to talk about the kind of pandemonium that was going on thanks to the pokemon franchise at the time i mean pokemon's this thing that's now ubiqu ubiquitous too i'll put it this way like i've never had a crack addiction but being a child that was super into pokemon i think i know what it's like to have a crack addiction yeah being an adult being into pokemon you know that's having a mental illness

15:26 um but we digress um yeah just like anyone who's listening to this love to see yeah if you have any pokemons pokemon fans listening i also know that i've offended so many people that i know by saying that one of our most regular listeners is currently infuriated both by the fact that you've said that and i've been dogmatically saying pokemons is the plural for pokemon give it that straight boomer energy yeah pokemon was wild at the time oh it was crazy like it was i i don't think i've ever experienced anything else quite like it throughout my childhood because obviously like other things came and went like you know how was he like harry potter was a big thing um harry potter at the age of 30 you need to [ __ ] start all right you need to stop yeah grow up there's other books

16:12 have sex once in your life please read your correct love no don't rate the well maybe if you're a muslim read the grammar but like make make love to a human please for the love of christ and not a jk rowling love pillow you [ __ ] freak yeah don't [ __ ] make love to hagrid the the the life-sized doll of hagrid you have make love to another human please there's only one hagrid that is acceptable to be attracted to and that's ps1 hagrid i think you could all agree on that he's the bear we all deserve powerfully erotic um right we're falling into the trap of talking about anything other than that pokemon a second i'll keep this on track back to pokemon a second it was so wild that it would be you're sweating you're so you're so full of further focus

16:59 it's really hot and also pokemon the movie is an intense uh point of contention for me no i just wanted to like touch on like the craziness of like how pokemon kids got beaten up over pokemon cards at my school like it was it was yeah they had to spanish at my school they had to basically they had to ban all this [ __ ] like and it kind of inspired like well it's not the first of its kind because like i mean you could talk about the history of like post reagan children's tv and like how much like gamification was a thing after that point but you know a lot of people from the pre from like a lot of people who grew up in the 80s had the experience of transformers and the transformers movie being like this emotional touch point for them when optimus prime dies and a lot of people of our generation a lot of millennials have the same thing here because there's some stuff that there's some emotions in this film that we'll get to in a second

17:44 that that that you know a single one just contempt from aid i mean but i just want to make something abundantly clear before you continue outdoor yeah in real life outside of the podcast you know i'm a friend to animals i do not consume animals i do not harm them however every single pokemon if i lived in that universe i would hunt them not even to eat them not even to eat them i just want them dead it's as simple as that do you think pokemon are like aliens or something this is so it's like another one of those things isn't it of all those things well i'll tell you a bit of we shouldn't have animals shooting lightning out their [ __ ] [ __ ] just running around the place

18:30 i disagree but um well in the pokemon universe pokemon created the universe right it's pure [ __ ] some of them are just psychic as well that's the thing they're just that's terrifying i mean the lightning the fire the leaves i get it it's elemental but the sidekick one like yeah it's another one of the elements psychic poison ground yeah it's one of the elements aiden i don't think he's one of the initiated he doesn't know abdul yeah he doesn't there's like yeah come on yeah like you you you and i we understand the real thing we'll continue this podcast through our psychic powers you ready see i didn't can't understand that uh we just made love

19:16 it's just because i don't speak virgins [Laughter] you and i both know you're very eloquent in that um uh so pokemon pokemon i just wanted to bring up some like a little memory that this on this film unlocked in my oh my watch is going i'll do that again shut up that's part of the digital world it's a casio too the most digital watch there is the most high tech watch in the world of [ __ ] casio anyway let's go this again i just wanted to share a memory that this film unlocked for me it's like seeing anton deck being interviewed on tv talking about the pandemonium pokemon and them saying that they didn't get it because it was weird and japanese and there was like like motion lines and

20:03 like people their lips would just move but they wouldn't move and i just remember as a kid i was like the audacity of these [ __ ] to talk about something that they don't nothing about and be like this is [ __ ] um when they are out in the deck and this is we should say that anton deck would pivotal uh in introducing pokemon to the united kingdom because that was very true because for our non-uk listeners of whom there are twos uh possibly threes um that yeah so there was this show called smtv live that was like one of those things where there were live presenters and they also showed cartoons and the big get that they had uh these two geordie fellas called alan deck they got [ __ ] pokemon before anyone else and they thought it was going to be a load of [ __ ] turned out to be the

20:50 biggest thing since jesus and this shows to me the hackery of so i i grew up this is going to be inside my childhood i had i grew up in a family that didn't have very much money but we had pirated cable and i had access to cartoon network and fox kids and nickelodeon so i was mercifully uh kept away from the the shlock of british tv like when i found out most kids grow up watching i'm gonna i'm gonna throw some throw some shade that some people grew up watching raven um watching [ __ ] ant and deck watching [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] blue peter by the way the raven [ __ ] rules [ __ ] the raven [ __ ] bloopia if you'd like i'm never sorry i'm kind of with you abdul where i was fortunate enough

21:35 to grow up in a house that had access to things like cartoon network and such so like much better content like absolutely like texas well when i was a kid cable didn't come to our village all right whatever was on the bbc oh just what was projected onto the nearest cow [ __ ] country and that's why i'm here in the digital world to tell you tidings of the pokemon movie and here we go so anyway well the [ __ ] pikachu adventure [ __ ] happens and then you know then we start with this whole mewtwo backstory and then we meet uh our our would-be heroes the [ __ ] the squad um just is about to be

22:23 menaced by some pokemon trainers while we should go through the squad though people listen we might not have seen pokemon yeah all right all right to the vagabonds out there there's ash ketchum the man with the most spot-on name in all of history um yeah our lead he's he's he's introduced being like being a spoiled little [ __ ] who's asking to be fed and doing nothing to help while his mate brock presumably last name lesnar cooks up what he calls a lazy boy no chew stew despite the fact there are obvious chunks of chewable food in it um and misty uh a redhead who likes water animals and that's all she's got going for her she just kind of nags the main characters

23:09 just like a woman that might send sexes to your viewers but to that i'd say i agree um it's sexist but like she she like everyone else in the show has no personality um except being belligerent and annoying um and then they we have our i say antagonists for most of the show but they're kind of like comedic relief um team rockets show up which can only be described as a pair of drag queens and a talking cat and just saying they are the best characters in the whole pokemon universe class characters yeah the show should be about team rocket right i agree he gives a [ __ ] about because i just need to fl but obviously we will like discuss the sliver of plot this movie has shortly

23:56 but i just want to flag up the team rocket are both incredible at what they do and woefully inept the stuff that they're incredible at is like in this movie they managed to convince ash brock and misty that they're vikings that they're vikings who who minnesota confirmed in the pokemon universe yeah obviously obviously that's a football joke like yeah but yeah weird that they like so blatantly reference minnesota yeah yeah because this is set in america obviously yeah exactly yeah i mean that actually does bring up a thing about like um the the vagary of ethnicity in this show because like hang on before we get into the vagaries of ethnicity apple and i'm sure you will take us on this track i'm trying to

24:41 convey this movie as linear linearly as possible oh sorry sorry yeah that's like an entire quagmire we'll get into yeah we'll we'll stumble into that bug later maybe um so yeah listen so we're introduced to the gang um ash is immediately challenged by a roaming pokemon trainer um and this is where we get the drop of the iconic theme song except this movie even [ __ ] that up because they don't just use the theme song from the show they're using some weird [ __ ] cover it's like where like the singer is just clearly trying to differentiate himself from the original version because he's always like he's just not quite right yeah he's having diaphragm

25:26 spasms like an r b version right yeah and it's [ __ ] [ __ ] it's diabolical yeah they should have just used the theme everyone remembers the theme and it's sung by r kelly anyway uh they go about their stick which if we don't know they just want ash's pikachu because they're on the pump from their boss and i if that that's just that's just what their motivation is it's always motivation is team rocket a part of a conglomerate and they have a cat looking pokemon who can talk for some reason there is an entire episode of the show that explains why he can talk and it's very very peculiar it's just he learns

26:13 he learns by living if i remember correctly he lives in like the attic space above an opera house or something like that and he mimics the humans that live inside i haven't seen this for a very very which implies i remember him reading a book it implies that pikachu chooses not to speak for human language which i like i mean if you had to live with ash brock and misty would you choose to speak i do remember a pokemon episode where it's like the the main three starter pokemon was like bulbasaur squirtle and charmander and pikachu without any of the human characters and it is them speaking with subtitles and pikachu trying to convince them to stay with ash while i was like squirtle's like [ __ ] off us yeah there is some types of yeah there's like an entire episode where they're like they do speak a language even though they're all saying what their names over and over again they can understand each

26:59 other yeah yeah and then meows who can speak english yeah yeah um slow king as well there's there's like a random slow king that can speak english at one point who just stares at the sea it's just all for long remember that no just know i know what the [ __ ] you're talking about can mewtwo speak english or is it just that his thoughts it's his thoughts it's thought to be conveyed i mean that kind of brings into question something later on which comes into our raid a reading of this movie that i have um or a reading that we can just go on because [ __ ] it all right listen and then they go to like a pokemon center like they always do they go to a [ __ ] pokemon center where all these and it's a storm hits that's caused by youtube right yeah and then they go seek

27:46 shelter in this pokemon center and then the cops show up and everyone's like did you guys did you guys peep this woman who's some kind of i don't know what's going on with her because there's the cop who's always there the female carp yeah yeah one of the nurses but then there's this random [ __ ] yeah obviously nurse joy yeah um but then there's this random like i guess transylvanian woman with blue hair yeah who's there like there is some kind of storm but the pokemon masters the hearts no no i'll tell you what that is she sets up something that happens later on the movie and there's ham fists away she's like oh yes there's a storm it's made by evil but they say that pokemon tears they can bring back people from the dead or whatever yeah feel whatever is in the movie

28:32 i don't know whatever it's from kids yeah so um the cops like tells all these pokemon trainers don't go out the storm you [ __ ] die and then they're just like [ __ ] the cops a cab and then they get on their pokemons and swim across the scene yeah because then the dracula then the dracula has a monologue to nurse uh no not the [ __ ] cop to officer jenny she's like the pokemon master because that is what makes them better than normal people their hearts are filled with courage and it's like some [ __ ] iron rand brad bird [ __ ] coming out where it's just like some people are just better okay some people better than society's laws i'm curious as to how many pokemon trainers actually died on that voyage because i'm sure they weren't the only

29:19 ones our heroes almost died our heroes almost they get onto this troop they didn't yeah because they like we don't have any water pokemon like these guys so we can't get across this ocean whole thing despite the fact that misty only has what a base pokemon that she just uses later clearly misty did not really want to go to this because you know i think the one little plot detail that we didn't mention there is that mewtwo basically sends out all of these like holographic invitations to pokemon trainers oh yeah it shows up ship port whatever it is um so they all gather there to then cross the sea to mewtwo's laboratory which uh what's dragon knight i thought it was a fat terrorization no no it is like deliver mail yeah so dragonite is the one that looks like a

30:05 charizard but isn't it charles it's like a cutesy and evolves from dragon air which is this really graceful sea serpent style pokemon that just and it turns into like the homer simpson of pokemon yeah very very weird and it's like a r2d2 kind of letter with a hologram it's like come on so that technology exists in the pokemon universe but we still have pokemon send [ __ ] physical lights yeah why not just but like they have pokedex anyway slaves slavery you know they even dragonites they slap that dragonite with a frying pan that's true these people have nothing but contempt for the pokemon that they they are in their charge they hate them they want to abuse them this continues because i mean again this

30:51 is we it sounds like we're huffing out of this but if you have seen this film you know that famously this is the theme of the film because they get this pokemon they're told that there's this great pokemon lost on this island through this hologram the storm happens they get to this island after almost drowning after team rocket pretends to be a bunch of vikings which exists in the pokemon universe for some reason turns up pretending to be vikings as one does they show up to [ __ ] uh the uh so you know howl's moving castle uh which is like you know mewtwo is kind of [ __ ] there and for some reason he's psychically rebuilt apparently yeah yeah which i believe is called the um [ __ ] powers yeah yeah the slam chamber as he calls it um ah yes the stench trench and he sends down one of his [ __ ] to

31:36 greet them for some reason mewtwo is kidnapped a woman and he has yeah what is going on here what has happened to this woman yeah she's under mind control but what makes it even weirder right obviously we as the audience know that it's nurse joy because we see a wanted poster earlier in the month and one of the characters they're like they look she looks familiar yeah the only reason why anybody clocks that this is a missing woman is that brock is such a [ __ ] creep he sees the missing person's poster and he's like oh i fancy a bit of that yeah everyone okay brock's on the sigma male grind set that is the sigma bell grinder right there yeah i do currently watch the news and be like oh i'd have some of that um but the thing is like he's immediately

32:22 like oh she looks familiar bro she's like in every town you you visit there's a there's a nurse joy like you want to talk about clothing at the pokemon universe some kind of weird like pokemon healthcare eugenics happening that's just so obvious it must always be a joy and a jenny in any town yeah and why does nobody comment on this i mean they kind of do but they seem to forget everything's like oh i've met your sister and they're like sometimes sometimes the nurses go kind of go huh as if they don't know that they put stefan anyway they they're greeted by this in a very dragon display i now want to see like a neon genesis evangelion style sequence where like officer jenny just

33:08 goes down there's like hundreds of like recursive versions of her just floating in the voice there's like another one wheeled out yeah it's as heartless as that it's just [ __ ] sweeping through the rest of the plot so they are right we need to get more anime references in mug we need to get more animals we've already we have enough we've had enough yeah um get the ghost out here we've adventured evangelium we can't go any further than that good um yeah anyway yeah they go to this and

33:55 they they realize the pokemon train is actually mewtwo something that the audience we already knew um and then he's like um fight me [ __ ] and they do uh they lose and then he's like your pokemon are now mine um hang on i want to just i want to just just zone in on something here so uh mewtwo because he's aware of the franchise existing is like i have three starter pokemon oh yeah them into their final forms so he takes uh bulbasaur and turns him into the big bulbasaur he has the squirrel who's turned into the big tortoise thing with cannons blastoise and he's turned charmander into charizard um they do one of them first of all there is there is a definite gamma

34:41 reference in this sequence when the big turtle looking [ __ ] spins around and turns into a shell yeah somebody i was like that's from gamma and uh my housemate looked to me as if i just screamed i'm autistic please judge me for it but uh the yeah so what i want to point out is so the the the pokemon trainers they have one of each of these pokemon themselves so actually gets involved and uh this the other there's two random pokemon trainers were like big bulbasaur big squirtle get involved but the tactical mistake they make here am i not correct they send the blastoise against the blastoise the big bulbs are against the big bulbasaur and the charizard against the charizard which is use the elements into your favor i was surprised that

35:26 mewtwo went along with that but yeah he's just so confident he's like i've bred these to supremacy yeah well we'll get to that in a second because at one point actually i got to that [ __ ] right now one point he's so confident in his clone pokemon so he basically he fights this pokemon and then he clones everyone's pokemon and he sends the clones to fight them he's so confident that his pokemon are superior that he takes away their powers so everyone ends up having a slap fight instead of like no that rule that was the one i don't know if you guys realize this upon watching it but mewtwo has a solid battle strategy that he uses on literally everybody which is to just slam people into walls yeah yeah that's all he does and it works every single time the thing is the problem youtuber who thinks he's super so music mewtwo is a clone of ancient pokemon called mew um

36:13 and he thinks he's super he's superior uh just to cover up his insecurity for being a clone but he is woefully under ambitious he keeps talking about taking over the world but he needs to prove that he's a uh the best pokemon trainer in the world to some kids i guess um uh and then like some kids who barely made it to his lair in the first place yeah yeah yeah they're cloning those two pokemon trainers they've got their [ __ ] together like they've got like gyarados and [ __ ] like all of these cool ass pokemon and ashley's just there like i got the three star that's also another thing ash only has a three star has three starter pokemon as well like like he doesn't have one of each so he's he's kind of a cheat anyway um so he anyway this this i'm skipping ahead to to was kind of skipping ahead here but

37:00 what else happens this movie he they they show up and fight mewtwo he says i'm better than you slams him up against some walls and then he clones that rocks up yes yes yeah right because mewtwo is uh you know supposedly like you know one of if not the most powerful pokemon that is at this point in the series or at least in the time when we had pokemon like that we knew of um and mu mew's just like a benevolent creature like it's just so it's just happy to just chill at the bottom of the lakes and stuff and it's just a real you know it's i i mean personally i think mew's adorable and uh its presence likes the movie up in my opinion um a little bit but like he doesn't really the thing is like they have like these this is one of the reasons i say he's like mu is a bit sorry i'm just looking at my notes here because like i i made a note about this because why i say these guys are really uncreative and unambitious is because

37:46 mew has like incredible psychic powers but somehow all he can all these this battle kind of reverts to is them turning into energy balls and slamming against each other over and over and over again like at no point does psychic powers ever [ __ ] with people's heads i mean pokemon don't tend to do that in these in this cartoon it always makes me think of like battles in movies always make videos always just makes me think of big trouble in little china with the wizards jewel at the yeah yeah yeah just reduced to rays of light and silhouettes of people yeah having a bit of a scrap that's yeah because they come here he's like you i'm the true original don't you dare define me a muse kind of like and then they like shoot lasers at each other for a bit in the meanwhile like all of the clone pokemon and the original pokemon are slapping each other

38:32 and then we get the moistest [ __ ] bit of cinema the scene is glistening it is if i was involved in the production especially the domestic version of this film i would be embarrassed because firstly like put ash is like after seeing pikachu get kidnapped and rescue him from a conveyor belt he stood there like after being saved by mew um on the edge of like a precipice watching these pokemon fight and the [ __ ] song that plays is like the word it's like how does it go it's like they start it's thinking about brotherhood and how much you love your brother and why are we fighting and then it turns into like a slow motion like saving private riot moment while

39:18 everyone in the in all the like side characters like nurse joy's been released from her spell her youtube spell and brock or like oh man the horror okay i'm absolutely gonna get a copyright strike for this but here's the song [Music] begin like you know how sometimes you'll you know when you get like a nostalgia and like that sort of warm nostalgic feeling when you're watching a film from like your childhood and stuff

40:05 and you know it's a real great thing that you don't really tend to get um this movie was giving me that and then i heard that song and then i had war flashbacks honestly like i had ptsd as a result of that [ __ ] song i forgot it even existed oh god and it took me and threw me through the ringer and i just didn't quite recover afterwards it's so [ __ ] [ __ ] oh god yeah there's a word yeah yeah it's a wish what is it welsh mods the way the pain of the world when your fantasies don't match up with reality anymore i got that i got that during this because it's like it's also people's the the side character's reaction is like oh the horrors of what we do pokemon shouldn't fight not like this and it's like what are you talking about this entire franchise purpose of this

40:50 franchise yeah in fact if anything doesn't work they're fighting for survival at this point they're fighting these pokemon fighting for their lives this is more surely this is more ethically righteous than oh i've got a i've gotta get a gym badge so i'm gonna teach this animal to bite the throat of this other animal or whatever no i think what the movie's saying is that like pokemon should fight but have no will of their own absolutely they should be the slaves of humanity so does anyone talk about the the moment in this film where like seeing the horror of this battle ash tries to do something he um so this is the most famous part of the film isn't it like this is what everybody always talks about and everybody always remembers and talks about how when they were a kid in the cinema they like cried their eyes out

41:36 and all this like yeah the tinkerbell moment right so like stink at that moment so for those who don't know um ash sees that witnesses are at one point tries to outright punch mewtwo yeah i wanted to flag that up because he just sort of gets rid of the entire pretense of you know this organized blood sport that the rest of the whole world is just a part of and just thinks [ __ ] it you know what i'll just deck him yeah i'll have him up that's the only good thing ash does in the entire franchise he's like i'm ready to [ __ ] throw hands yeah how do you see like he he must have seen mewtwo's testicular fingers and yeah i can have him there there's a lot of weird sexual imagery going on i know like um mewtwo can only be described as um

42:22 distressingly clitoral as a design choice he is like a sentient clitoris that's the earth and i think that's part of the theme of this film man like it's all about him trying to birth pokemon and like his like the first thing we get is him in the womb and you know like it's all about him you know not realizing he has no purpose but you know anyway there's just this whole kind of uh so i'm absolutely trying to say that the clitoris has no purpose because that well that's what you were saying abdullah that's awesome that's what pokemon is saying man like it's saying that okay man okay yeah i mean i've never seen a clitoris before so all right well we're in the digiverse so you could just we can just get let you look at one now google it

43:07 i'll just type in clitoris ah it's bigger than i thought that goes all the way up ah there's a rare pokemon who's that pokemon it's the clitoris is that the one isn't it the ghost [Laughter] we're getting at before is that uh ash dies he tries after failing to punch mewtwo he's like i'll try at this again and just runs in the middle of a laser battle in order to stop them fighting i guess um apparently suicide is the way to peace

43:53 well it is a japanese series [Music] yeah um so kamikaze is yeah who's that pokemon it's kamikaze the two new starter pokemon carson clitoris um he uh he immediately gets hit by two laser bolts and gets turned to stone i guess yeah i don't explain that no no what happens next guys what do you guys describe this aiden you go what happens there all right so listen ash gets turned into stone by magic um at this point the emotional music swells and all the gathered pokemons save for mew and mewtwo who are aloof

44:39 and godly uh begin to cry pikachu starts obviously because he's a triflin ass little [ __ ] but um i'm also an uncle tom we don't talk about this enough when it comes to pikachu he is an uncle tom we'll get to that um the what was i saying oh yeah all the pokemon start to cry and their tears rained down upon the petrified ash and the stone recedes and ash is brought back to life um so you remember earlier when that vampire told us that can bring people back to life question mark yeah that was what that was setting up the greatest chekhov's gun in history pokemon and this just takes even more questions than it answers right now oh yeah it doesn't adjust how many pokemon

45:25 have happened power the entire time so pokemon gods to us essentially but we've somehow enslaved them wait this is i don't know this is neo tennessee so yeah he comes back to life and muse sees this sees all these pokemon love has brought this guy back to life and he's like damn maybe like i should change my ways this is wrong i was wrong to make pokemon fight and they're like oh mewtwo you finally understand the meaning of life he's like yeah yeah anyway forget all of that i'm gonna make you forget this whole adventure all the lessons you learn [ __ ] it throw out the window uh go back to your regular lives um and then they all go back to battling with pokemon

46:10 yeah and that's the end of the film like they're like oh well so not only was the movie [ __ ] even by its own on its own terms it was pointless yeah because they just immediately go back to no one's changed by this like i guess mewtwo is yeah but you know we don't see what happens him and mew fly off i guess into the sky and i believe they come back there's like another movie or something yeah yeah um like we stay well we talked about this off mike but like of the three of us i'm probably the one who's the most well versed in pokemon the biggest pokemon does yeah that's a stretch like gen 1 and gen 2 were my [ __ ] uh gen 3 onwards kind of lost me i've tried to get back into the series over the years but it's really just not my thing anymore and the games need to move on that's

46:56 what also yeah yeah i mean i think like i've said this before like the pokemon franchise i mean it's the audacity of a franchise to release the game twice at a time there's always like two and then they'll release it over and over again i mean the pokemon games are just like the fifa of japanese gaming really are absolutely you know it's kind of the same thing over and over so kamat is in the comments yi pokemon i've not played a pokemon game since the gameboy color because i'm 29 years old i've got other things to do all right play [ __ ] pokemon grow up you like watching godzilla movies hey godzilla is based so one thing i did find out about this film though when i went to watch it for this episode um i wasn't aware there's the japanese version which is longer

47:43 by about sort of 15 minutes or something like that which gives mewtwo some additional backstory at the start when he's like in the lab and he um is surrounded by other pokemon clones that he befriends as well as this like resurrected dead girl called amber that's like a big japanese trope isn't it right so again sorry that's like a big japanese trope isn't it there's always like a clone girl of like the scientist like it's the astro boy thing it's like the scientists here who lost their son and they were like godzilla versus violente yeah the best godzilla movie actually oh spicy words but yeah inclined to probably agree come at me kaiju fans so because this little girl whose name is amber is a clone by the sounds of

48:29 things um mewtwo refers to her as amber too because of course like you know they're going to keep up that naming scheme uh but then according to this plot description because i haven't seen the japanese version i will just make you know to the listeners as well i haven't actually seen it um so the other pokemon clones and amber by the sounds of things all decompose and die in front of mewtwo that's metal deeply traumatized which kind of explains more why he's like you know what humans bit [ __ ] [ __ ] really let's kill him oh so it's not it doesn't happen at the end no it's the beginning so there's a if i because i've read about that before i watched it for this episode um i did notice there's a really jarring cut at the beginning because when you first start the film and you've got mewtwo like asking those sort of like existential questions it then kind of

49:16 card cuts and then he says them again and then it just it's him talking to the scientist and then he breaks out oh so this backstory is even before that like yeah oh yeah it's at the start of the movie that's very interesting so the first like sort of 15 20 minutes of the movie are like setting meter up in total action that don't appear until around the sort of 25 minute half an hour mark that's interesting we should talk a little bit about mewtwo because i mean you guys probably know pokemon slightly better than i do at this point but i did see um detective pikachu i haven't seen it which is not strong it's i mean it is what it is like that's my take on it i mean i thought it was dire but you know it is what it is i thought it was fine for what it is a kid's movie about a detective pikachu but

50:01 the point i was going to make is this mewtwo features heavily in that movie as well and they basically do retread like the laboratory escape sequence like that's the opening of detective peach oh doesn't bill nye take like live in the body of a mewtwo or something yeah he puts his consciousness into mewtwo so mewtwo flies around uh with the voice of bill nye mewtwo puts ryan reynolds into pikachu as well he's like i have to say that i saw detective pikachu in the cinema and i felt sorry for the families and parents and kids and all that that was sat near us because when mewtwo started talking with bill nye's [ __ ] voice i literally cry laughed for about five straight minutes clearly interrupting everybody else in the cinema that's the

50:48 best part of the movie funniest [ __ ] thing i've ever seen i mean the movie is still crap but my god i was in actual pain from that scene i've got a fun fact about that i read an i think it's a guardian or like a like uh uh independent article that's like an interview with like uh bill nye and like they talk about a moment where he invites him down to that basement and he's got like a full-size statue of youtube now that he's really proud of him he's like hey he's like trying to see my music he's like super into pokemon i read that article too it's so funny like he didn't know anything about it before he was in the movie but now he's like a spam that's kind of like how which is amazing because it's kind of like how when i found out that patrick stewart is a massive beavis and butthead fan that rules

51:33 did you not know about this like i think or something he got asked about it and he was just like i just i just think they're brilliant and then he kind of bats around the idea of him and ian mckellen playing them on stage and i'm like i would give all of my organs to see patrick still in here on stage give me that uh ridley scott's also a big uh what's the people some buttered and brilliant i haven't seen the new movie yet though i don't know if my review guys have no no no no i haven't anyway we're not reviewing beavers and blackhead here i just thought it was a function not yet we're not tune in [ __ ] so listen yeah so this film i mean have we done it justice i feel like we've just been screaming but i think we've done it better i want to say yes but i feel like the small

52:21 group of listeners that we have that are actually excited about hearing us discuss pokemon the first movie have probably already switched off who gives a [ __ ] first of all if you're excited about any episode of kino inferno you need to go outside and make love to somebody second of all whilst listening to kino inferno yeah preferably whilst listening to us with long episodes so you know just saying um good luck and ladies if you can't last a full kino inferno he ain't worth marrying i mean well i was going to say that you've got a title just standard episodes about two hours long so you've got time to do it about 120 times let's have a break do some knitting no anyway that aside so yeah we should speak to

53:07 why this movie is such a nostalgic thing right like obviously we touched a little bit on pokemania which we all lived through um some generations get like elvis mania beetles mania all this kind of stuff for hourglass survived pokemania it was this pre-processed crap that was taken from japan and sold to us by shysters let's call it what it is and we fell for it yeah and we fell for it was it hasbro and four kids yeah i was going to say saban but he's not getting involved until uh a little bit later on no no we'll get to that in a second get to that chaser in a second a true scumbag there are so i think it's kind of easy to see why this is so like this is such a nostalgia for people i'll just do it again i think it's easy

53:53 to see why people are so nostalgic for this movie like this came out at like the height of pokemania like this was a big [ __ ] deal like comparing it to something that we spoke about recently this would be like the equivalent in our lifetime of having like tim burton's batman or batman returns come out like you know those were huge [ __ ] movies and like yeah people were just so hyped for them and like with this movie as well like not only was the movie coming out but they had all the toys for it they had all the merchandise for it like the tv series was on every [ __ ] day yeah if you bought a ticket to this movie you got a little free um like a special edition mew card you got a mewtwo card yeah you bought the vhs because i still have mine i've actually still got a small binder of my pokemon cards when i was a kid i found recently and i've still got my mute yeah you framed them right it's right up a robot you can't see the framework

54:40 it's it's just below the mirror that i have on my ceiling yeah you're right and the sex swing um the sex ring in in the shape of pikachu's head i do call my dick on it um but moving swiftly on it is made of rocks i call mine clefairy i don't know any of their names enough to do a good joke sorry yeah unknown no no i think slowpoke is the best one you could call your food well what is muck backwards say no more say um [Music] and we know that a lot of pokemon in the pokemon universe um they have their names made from taking a real life animal or substance in muk's case and

55:27 smelling it backwards because arbok and ekkins for example that fell on defense sorry i guess just listen i'll say this about pokemania sorry i just felt my hymen grow back there cheers guys just i've got if you like pokemon whatever man everyone's you know who cares about having a personality no you shouldn't like pokemon like it's it's fight it's just the thing is like like better things like better things i'd like to point out that we're doing a film podcast that aiden sat here wearing a pulp fiction shirt yeah well you know [ __ ] cliche i'm cosplaying as myself i mean we will

56:13 but pulp fiction is better than pokemon i thought yeah i don't know what you're trying to say there man like oh you're dissing pokemon but you like full fiction i don't know what i was trying to say i'm just trying to add further fuel to this dumpster fire of an episode that we're doing i'll just wrap up my like thoughts on like that but why this i think this is was successful at the time um yeah i mean i know a lot of people this is their first experience going to the cinema but i think people want to feel they're participating in something when you're a child you want to feel like if you didn't have a pokemon card or you do have a video like in the pokemon world you're kind of like ostracized and in in a certain way from like you know all the experiences people have of like trading and you know it's it it does i think there is some value to that you know like it teaches people's um you know

56:59 particularly the living like trading card games and the battling aspect of it you know it teach it's like a social lubricant for children um it did however is unfortunately part of this giant capitalistic machine that you know gets people addicted to buying stuff and um the problem with this film is that it's got lip service to having substance right um but ultimately it's just used to fuel that um same capitalist machine it's just made to have kids buy more of this crap hence why they were giving out free pokemon cards when they did if you don't go see the pokemon movie you won't get that shiny mewtwo or shiny mew isn't it when you say it pays lip service i think

57:45 you're right there because there's this [ __ ] that's the problem with this movie is that it ends with them literally going oh forget any lessons that you might have learned from this film and just continued with franchise and have franchise be the same as it was prior to this movie like there's no common isn't it within like anime movies like they tend to be very much disconnected from the actual narrative they're very inconsequential and they can be i mean like anime sequel movies or like ones yeah they're kind of they're like adjacent to the plot it's like you know like look at the the all of the dragon ball z movies for example like they are plot adjacent oh when are we going to look at those movies guys uh if we i'm just saying like we have to talk about fusion reborn because i have to talk about the fact that goten and trunks fight hitler that's something that we actually have to talk about

58:30 because i don't think enough people talk long hair and blue eyes i should be recruiting them this isn't the dragon ball z podcast yeah yeah welcome to my dragon ball z um about dragon ball z where i punish mark and aiden for once um yeah i mean the the it's kind of problem with like these the stuff po i mean this is why i brought up the transformers movie early because that was a similar thing right it's like it's like this corporate mandate thing to clear one line of toys and bring in another and the franchise doesn't get to seem to change i mean not to tell you like it's kind of a problem with like any kind of status quo thing that has to continue onwards they're not allowed to make any real change hence why you know this movie doesn't how they spell marvel like sorry just um

59:16 [ __ ] would like this [Laughter] film yes the pokemon picture now that's a movie that's a movie you want to talk about cinema there's a film the mewtwo he asks existential questions it's kind of like when i made silence these are terrible martin scorsese impressions also have any of you guys ever seen silence that is one of the biggest slogs of a [ __ ] film i've ever sat through i like it cool [ __ ] boring but we're not this is not the martin

1:00:02 scorsese speaking of [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] boris you wrap up yeah listen um should we go kino or inferno on this [ __ ] let's start with abdul because he's the guest and he's currently shirtless he is actually yeah yeah yeah i mean this is what you do in the digital realm you don't need to wear clothes guys join me take off your yeah shut up take off your pikachu onesie never uh yeah it's going to be an inferno for me guys this is like i actually kind of found some mild amusement at the beginning of the film like of like oh man this is kind of a bit of a nostalgia trip but honestly like it for it's like sub 90 minutes that [ __ ] ending is a real slog like especially it's actually when the

1:00:47 pokemon battle starts i'll tell you when this movie drops off it's when ash comes out of the convict because there's a there's actually one in for a show about fighting pokemon there's only one decent action sequence in this whole film and it's when ash is like trying to chase pokeballs down like slides and stairs and he's being grabbed out by yeah the only good action scene in the movie does not actually involve pokemon fighting yeah exactly it's like a giant rude goldberg machine it's only pleats of interesting animation it's actually kind of like um you guys talked about um what's it called uh wallace and gromit yeah yeah the machinery kind of has that quality to yeah you're right yeah yeah but other than that i don't think there's much here to like go on especially if you don't into pokemon uh even someone who is like mildly used by

1:01:33 pokemon as a child i don't find much to grab onto here um so yeah i'm chucking i'm i'm kicking this one into the fire lads what about you mark so i did get some like nostalgic enjoyment out of seeing this because it has been a long time since i've seen it and you know i i was you know quite into pokemon when i was younger i can't in all good consciousness give this kido because it's just nowhere in any way deserving of that title and i'm not going to be a contrarian um and it's yeah it's gonna it's got to go in the inferno because even though i did get some enjoyment out of this and you know it's got little things in it that i do like so i think again i think team rocket pretending to be vikings is [ __ ] hilarious it really is it really to be honest well you kind of want to give this keto don't you [ __ ]

1:02:19 only to get on both of your nerves it's the only reason i want to do it but no i i genuinely [ __ ] liked it even with the slivers of enjoyment that i did get out of this it was [ __ ] dragging towards the end like i was like can mew and mewtwo just [ __ ] make up and leave already because i remember you didn't even what you didn't even watch pikachu's vacation so no you're right i did you had it i watched uh i watched the the short for the next film we're talking about i watched that that's a solid three and a half minutes i was like yeah okay let's do people and that's all we're going to talk about by the way and i went i don't know like i finished watching that one and went hey pikachu's adventure 20 minutes absolutely [ __ ] not like i've already spent enough time going back to the pokemon movie uh yeah it's an inferno from me it's a nice little bit of

1:03:05 nostalgia but ultimately it is a bit [ __ ] okay i'm gonna step up to mike and give my rating and i've got a little bit of blurb so strap him um so watching this and bearing in mind i consider pikachu's vacation to be part of the runtime so watching the full experience sort of 90 to 100 minutes or something like this um first of all pikachu's vacation is a uniquely awful experience as i alluded to earlier it's not only annoying because the dialogue is just pokemon saying their own names over and over again there's also these jarring cuts to these like interstitial animations of the different pokemon having a little dance or whatever having a little swim and then it cuts back to you know the action but instead of using

1:03:51 these scenes transitions to transition the scene it often happens midway through a scene and then just cuts back to the same scene which gives the effect of um the pokemon universe boring its way into your skull and out the other side of your brain um so bear in mind i was not in the best frame of mind by the time the mewtwo film started um and it didn't really improve from there and i guess what i'm going to say about this is um nostalgia if we have any message on this episode nostalgia is a cancer that slowly eats away at you to be obsessed with the past is to not be able to move forward and indeed many of our worst instincts come from an over reverence of the past look at fascism for example harking back to a

1:04:37 past that never existed and all i'm saying is pokemon should be considered a war crime it's going in the inferno for me that was exquisite i really enjoyed that so that was aidan barcadine likening pokemon to the rise of fascism i'm just saying it all comes from the same place it all comes from the same place japan what side would you pan on in the war i rest my case i think they're in the bottom hemisphere weren't they well abdullah is doing one of his brilliant jokes remember it's a joke remember in the last episode he was on where he did a pun on titanic and that was good

1:05:24 a little peek behind the curtain for the viewers i just want everyone to know that when we were sort of sharing the files between us for the audio for the titan a episode uh it would often just circulate as titan assists and before we move on to the next movie i do just want to quickly defend my decision to not watch pikachu's vacation um i happen to have a pokemon the first movie on blu-ray because i was gifted it alongside the the second and third movies as well because you bought it with hard earned money you gifted it to yourself um no comment uh but no i have the blu-ray and uh it's this really nice steel book it looks really nice on my shelf and i popped the blu-ray in and all it had on the menu was play film scene selection so pikachu's vacation wasn't even included on this [ __ ] blu-ray the

1:06:11 cheapskate [ __ ] do not actually include an additional 20 minutes of content in this little [ __ ] steelbook i don't

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