❌ 5 Mistakes Men Make When a Girl "PULLS BACK" - How to Pass this TEST

0:00 do not do this when a woman pulls back so what if I told you that when a woman pulls away it's not random in fact there's a hidden test playing out almost every single time a test that if you fail will kill her attraction instantly but if you pass it can actually make her chase you and become attached to you even more than before in fact in the next few minutes I'm going to show you why it's almost guaranteed that early in a relationship a woman is going to put the brakes on and she's going to slow things down why women are programmed to unconsciously run this test specifically on men that they're attracted to and I'm going to go over five of the critical mistakes that turn this test into relation suicide and then I'm going to give you a counterintuitive approach that not only stops her from pulling away but actually makes her chase you and most importantly

0:47 how to flip the script so that you're the one with the power by the end of this video not only will you understand why women pull away but more importantly you'll know exactly what to do when it happens because it will happen hi I'm Bobby Rio and even though I've been coaching dating for the past 16 years the pullback test that I just mentioned that moment when a girl pulls back and takes away that one thing you want most I'm man enough to admit this i'll make a confession right here on camera before I figured this out I failed this test more times than I can count and I failed it in some of the most humiliating ways possible in ways that still honestly make me cringe thinking about how needy and desperate I came across to women who did this to me and chances are maybe you've done it more than once where everything's going great with this girl the

1:37 kind of great where you're already thinking about future plans and you're like telling your friends that she's the one she's wifey material and it seems pretty mutual you're getting texts from her in the middle of the day she's like ditching plans with her friends to hang out with you she's touchy and feely and playful and unless you're completely freaking delusional there's actually chemistry there's actually a connection that you're both feeling then suddenly almost out of nowhere something shifts her quick long replies become short one-word answers those can't wait to see you messages that you were getting are like "Now sorry i'm really busy this week." And just that warmth right that flirtiness in her voice there's just you can feel it fading it's just not

2:22 there there's just something different you can feel it in your gut and if you've been in this situation before you almost always know what's about to happen before it actually happens we have this sick sense and even if you don't want to admit it you sense that she's slipping away and you feel absolutely [ __ ] powerless to stop it this is where most guys lose her for good because what you do in this moment really determines everything see what I've discovered after years of not just coaching but like I said making every mistake in the book is that when a woman pulls away from you she's not necessarily losing interest she's unconsciously running what I call the pullaway test and once I understood this everything changed not just for me but for the thousands of guys that I've coached since so let me explain what I mean i was working with this

3:08 guy James early 40s you know cool guy type of guy that I would grab beer with you talk to him and he comes across really confident and he's dating this girl Tracy she's in her early 30s and after 2 months of dating they're kind of both talking like they're imagining a future together then came as uh James refers to it as the night tracy asked James to come up with her to meet her friends for the first time which was kind of a big deal right and James is a little nervous because her and her friends are like 13 years younger than him so he gets there early and he wants to just make sure that everything's perfect and 15 minutes pass when she was supposed to show up and he sends a casual "Hey I grabbed our table" text she doesn't respond 30 minutes go by her friends aren't showing up

3:55 either and he's sitting there at this table set for five wondering if he's at like the right place wondering what the freak is going on here and in the pit of his stomach you know something is starting to grow right so he calls her and it goes straight to voicemail and that's when the spiral starts you know maybe she was in an accident maybe I said something wrong last time that we talked and then he's always getting nervous right do I leave will I look weird and desperate sitting here like sipping my drink if her friend show up without her and he's alternating between checking his phone pretending to be reading emails like we've all been in that state at some point i as as he's telling me this I'm flashing back in my mind so an hour in literally an hour of sitting there waiting now quite frankly I would have told him he should have left after 20 minutes of not

4:40 hearing from her 15 minutes of not hearing her but after an hour he gets a single text sorry can't make it things are a bit crazy right now just need some space and in that moment his world stops and what did James do next he did exactly what 99% of guys do in this situation he made five critical mistakes that turned a simple test into complete destruction of the relationship but before I show you these mistakes you need to understand something kind of crucial so there are two games happening simultaneously in every relationship you've got the visible game that's everything that you can see and then you've got the invisible game and the invisible game is what's really going on and most men are playing the visible game they're only concentrating on the visible

5:28 game they're worried about sending the right texts planning the perfect dates saying the right things but women women are almost always playing the invisible game women are always looking below the surface my friend John Sin calls women meaning makers because there's what's going on and then there's the meaning that women are giving it right and that meaning is the invisible game and this invisible game comes down to one concept it really comes down to this one concept and I'm going to write it down how certain she is she has you so how certain is she that she has you so think about it when she's absolutely certain that she has you when there's zero doubt in her mind that you'll always be there always pursuing her always trying to win her over that's exactly when

6:17 her attraction starts to fade and here's what's interesting about this pullback test it's not something she's consciously planning to do she's not sitting there thinking "All right I'm going to test him now." the unconscious pullback it's pure instinct something in her mind just clicks and it's sort of this feeling of like "Oh my god I've got this guy i've got him all figured out i know exactly what he's going to do next i know exactly what he wants there's no mystery here." And like a reflex almost like your hand pulling away from a hot stove she starts to pull back she may not even realize why she's doing it she might tell herself that she really is busy or she really does need time to think but deep down it's her unconscious mind running this ancient programming certainty equals loss of interest listen I've been coaching guys like I said for 16 years and you got

7:04 to understand something as unique and personal as this feels when you're going through it and if you're going through it right now trust me like I said I've been there i've seen thousands of guys experience this exact situation it's not random it's not just bad luck it's 100% a pattern and it's predictable and at this point I can tell a guy when it's going to happen before it actually happens just from the way I see him interacting with her and this pattern explains why the perfect boyfriend very often gets dumped why the nice guy gets friend-zoned why the sure thing falls apart because in trying to make her feel secure in your interest you're actually killing the very uncertainty that creates desire so keep in mind what I'm talking about here is very much playing out early on in a relationship but it does translate to later on and you want to

7:50 remember that certainty equals the death of desire so there's a lot of reasons for this and I'll explain them as we go through it but if you think about the word desire the definition is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen desire is wanting it's craving well when desire gets fulfilled too quickly when you eliminate all doubt you eliminate all attraction because there's nothing left to crave so I've been reading a book called Atomic Habits and he mentions something interesting in the book he says "The sweet spot of desire occurs at a 50/50 split between success and failure half of the time you get what you want half of the time you don't you need just enough winning to experience satisfaction and just enough wanting

8:39 to experience desire and I think this applies 100% to dating so let's start by identifying the most common mistakes that you got to avoid when a woman is pulling back so mistake number one is the desperation spiral and we've all been there this is where a guy starts playing what I call defense dating defense dating is trying to fix what isn't broken so let me show you exactly how this plays out the moment you sense her pulling back your mind goes into overdrive maybe she doesn't know how much I care about her maybe I need to show her what she means to me maybe if I just explain how I feel so what do you do you start playing the visible game planning elaborate dates sending longer more emotional messages trying to lock down future plans buying unexpected gifts making grand

9:26 gestures right the visible game is what you do the invisible game is what she feels but here's the problem and I see this happen constantly with the clients I work with every single one of these actions they're screaming one message in the invisible game i'm terrified of losing you and that's the message right women are meaning makers and when you're doing these things that invisible game is saying I'm terrified of losing you and here's why it sends such a desperate signal because when a woman's pulling away putting less effort in and you become more interested more eager to please her what does that say about your value about your options you're telling her like "You can treat me like a backup plan and cancel on me and send me one-word replies and I'll just reward your bad behavior even more with more interest i'm that desperate to win you over

10:14 i'm I'm not going to walk away right i have no other options." That's that's the invisible thing that's the message that that she's sending when she's giving you less and less effort and you're putting more and more effort in so let me give you a perfect example of how this backfires i had a client Mike and he had been dating this girl for about 3 months and things were great until she mentioned again needing space to focus on a big work project now in the visible game Mike thought I'll show her how supportive I am so he sent her encouraging good morning texts and he had lunch delivered to her office and he kept checking in to see how she was doing and he made plans for when her project was done they were going to go out and celebrate and if you're listening to this you might go that sounds thoughtful but in the invisible game his actions were confirming her unconscious feeling that she had him completely figured out that there was no mystery left each

11:04 supportive gesture actually pushed her further away this is why the desperation spiral is so dangerous because the more you feel her pulling away the harder you try to pull her back and the harder you try to pull her back the more you confirm her instinct to pull away it's why we refer to this as being in emotional quicksand you might have heard me say this right this point where where you're emotional quicksand the more you struggle the deeper you sink but here's the good news in a minute I'm going to show you exactly how to flip this dynamic and how to make her start chasing you instead but first let's talk about the second fatal mistake that you've likely made that I've made that we've all made and I call that one the confession puke so mistake number two is the confession puke and this is where things go from bad to worse see when she starts pulling

11:52 away there's this voice in your head that says "She just doesn't understand how special she is to me if she knew how I really felt I need to show her I'm serious about her her I need space you You dump more closeness on her you give her less like breathing room it's like someone saying they're full at dinner and your response is to dump another plate of food on them so let me show you how this plays out you're sitting there 1:00 a.m staring at your phone and you convince yourself "This is it this is the moment to bear my soul." So you craft this epic message you know the one how you've never felt this way before how you can see a future together how you're ready to commit fully to her maybe even you drop the L-word and here's the cruel irony she pulls back she pulls back equals she needs uncertainty and your response is giving her total certainty it's

12:41 like her unconscious mind saying "I need some mystery here." And your response is to hand her your entire emotional road map now I can laugh about it but I'm guilty i've sent the big bouquet of roses with the sappy note to her work and guess what happened i got the that was so sweet text and when I tried to parlay it into a meetup she was busy that night why because at the exact moment when she needed to feel some uncertainty about me I basically threw a certainty grenade into her lap but here's what most guys don't realize these mistakes aren't really about the specific actions you take they're about something much deeper the invisible currency okay so the invisible currency is emotional investment when a woman pulls away she's not testing your ability to chase she's testing your emotional stability your ability to stay centered when the ground shifts beneath

13:29 you this is why confessing your feeling backfires giving gifts make things worse it's why demanding answers pushes her away you're showing her all the cards in the invisible game now in a minute I'm going to show you again how to recognize when this test is happening how to handle it in a way that builds attraction and turns the tables so she starts chasing you but let's talk about the next mistake so mistake number three I call buttth hurt crumbch chasing and this one is almost as painful to talk about because again I've been guilty of this myself it starts with the surge of pride oh yeah she wants space i'll show her space two can play at this game let's see how she likes being ignored so you go cold you don't text you don't call you're giving her a taste of her own medicine and for about 48 hours you feel pretty good about yourself you're like man I'm [ __ ]

14:17 doing this until she posts a story on Instagram or sends you that casual hey text or likes one of your photos and just like that all the tough guy act crumbles and you're jumping on your phone like it's on fire hey stranger was just thinking about you hey miss hanging out with you want to grab coffee this week pride duration equaled 48 hours desperation 48 seconds i remember this client Tom he was playing hard ball hadn't responded to her in 5 days and he's telling me how he's teaching her a lesson then she sends him this reminded me of you like text with a little meme not even a personal message right a meme and what does Tom do he writes back a paragraph about how he's been meaning to reach out he suggests three different days to meet and he even offers to drive to her

15:05 side of town all because a re of a recycled meme that she probably sent five other guys here's what's really happening in the invisible game when you flip from ice cold to burning hot the second she shows any interest you're telling her "I was never really busy i was never really moving on i was just sitting there waiting for any breadcrumb from you that I could grasp." And in that moment any power that you thought you had is gone because you just showed her that all she needs to do is throw you the smallest breadcrumb of attention and you'll come running back even hungrier than before this is why playing these hot and cold games never work because you're not actually moving forward you're not really in your power you're just pretending and the second she tests that pretense it falls apart and that brings us to mistake number four so mistake number four is

15:52 the empty ultimatum this is again the tough love message that isn't tough at all you know the one look I need to know where this is going i can't keep doing this back and forth if you don't want this you just tell me because I'm not going to sit around and wait but here's the thing and this is crucial an ultimatum only works if you're actually willing to walk away and let's be honest you're still checking your phone every 20 minutes you're still hoping that she'll text you're still waiting around it's like threatening to leave a restaurant but staying seated at the table all you've done is shown her that you're desperate enough to try emotional manipulation but you're not actually strong enough to follow through and guess what she can sense that weakness a mile away because in the invisible game an empty ultimatum is worse than no ultimatum at all and that leads us to our final mistake so mistake number five is the permission seeker and the apologizer this is

16:42 where you completely surrender your masculine cord you start walking on eggshells is it okay if I call you later maybe we can go grab coffee if you want no pressure at all and then comes the apology you start apologizing for things you didn't even do sorry if I came on too strong sorry if I misread things sorry for bothering you you're so convinced that you must have done something wrong that you're apologizing for [ __ ] that you don't even know why and here's what's really happening again in the invisible game every time you seek permission every time you apologize for nothing you're telling her "I don't trust myself around you anymore i need your approval for every move I make i'm afraid of making any decision." And if you don't trust yourself how can you expect her to trust you this is the final nail in the attraction coffin now in a minute I'm going to show you exactly how to flip this entire dynamic how to move from seeking permission to commanding

17:31 attention from apologizing to attracting from playing defense to playing to win but first you know what's fascinating about this pullback test it's actually trying to tell you something really really important when a woman's pulling back it's the wakeup call think of this like your body is running a fever and the fever isn't the problem it's your body's way of telling you something's wrong when a woman pulls back she's not trying to play games with you her unconscious mind is sending you a signal hey something's off here the real questions that you should be asking yourself is have I become too predictable without realizing it when's the last time I created a moment of real tension am I still being playful or am I just kind of going into this boring guy mode have I

18:17 stopped being seductive am I just existing in her world or am I inviting her into my world most guys miss these questions completely and instead of seeing this moment right as a wakeup call as you know valuable feedback they panic and they try to fix the symptoms rather than the cause it's like life is holding up a mirror and it's asking is this really the kind of man you want to be and you got to be honest with yourself when you see that mirror because here's the truth if you're being needy she feels it before you do if you're being boring she feels it before you do if you've lost that masculine edge she feels it before you do this pullback moment it's not a test that you need to pass it's a wakeup call you need to hear and once you understand this everything changes

19:04 see most guys get this completely wrong they see her pulling away as a problem to fix when it's actually an opportunity to create attraction think about this your world equals her movie when she first met you you were like a movie she couldn't wait to watch every scene was unpredictable every moment held possibility she didn't know what was going to happen she was on the edge of her seat she was wondering you know what's going to happen next but somewhere along the way you got predictable and boring she figured out the ending of the movie too soon and when she already knows the ending she stops watching but have you ever been watching a movie thinking that you had that movie completely figured out and you're starting to zone out and you're starting to lose attention you know you're kind of checking your phone and then suddenly boom something completely

19:50 unexpected happens the plot twist that you never saw coming and just like that you're pulled right back in sitting up straight phone you know you're just staring fully engaged well when she expects you to zigg you need to zag this is why everything that you've been doing to get her attention back isn't working when she pulls back she expects you to chase when she's cold she expects you to get needy when she's distant she expects you to panic and every time you do exactly what she expects you're just confirming why she started pulling away in the first place but when you break that pattern when you do the unexpected when you zigg instead of zag that's when she starts thinking "Wait I thought I had him figured out something's different who is this guy?" And again this isn't her consciously thinking these things it's a feeling she has and that's when the movie gets

20:39 interesting again that's when she puts her phone down and starts paying attention to your story once more so there are three shifts you want to immediately make once you see her pulling back okay this is what you got to do shift one from chase to challenge shift two from pressure to mystery and shift three from reaction to action and once you make these three shifts something fascinating happens the same woman who was pulling away starts wondering why you're so different why she can't figure you out anymore why she's suddenly thinking about you more now I have a video that I've put a link to in the description because this concept that I just said why she's thinking about you more okay the challenge the mystery and the action this whole idea is to get

21:26 her thinking about you more that's the key because to turn it around it must feel like her idea which means everything you do at this point we talk about the visible and the invisible everything must be under the radar it must be invisible so that she finds yourself thinking about you non-stop so in the video below I walk you through a technique that I call the scrambler and it's all about eliciting the chase in her instead of the other way around and doing it in the invisible way because most guys chase women but women want to be the one chasing a man it's in their instinct it's in their DNA they don't want to be chased and guys think that by chasing it's going to get them but by chasing you're actually pushing her further away they want to chase you they want the man they have to chase how do you get a woman chasing you that's

22:14 what I talk about in the video below if you've already made a mistake if you think you're you know you're thinking "Well I've already done all these five mistakes." Well here's the thing it's not too late to fix things if you take the right steps from here on out so just watch the video and you'll get a much clearer understanding of the invisible things that you should be doing right now to not only stop her from pulling away and not only stop women in the future from pulling away because like I said this is a wakeup call it means something you're doing is not working and you want to recognize it so you don't make the mistake next time but also to get this woman back you have to do certain things and if you click the link below and you watch the video I'm going to explain what those things are now as always if you found this video helpful hit the like button let me know in the comments section what was your biggest sort of epiphany listening to

23:01 this and if you made the mistakes that I've made multiple multiple times let me know as well i love uh commiserating over mistakes that I've made and hearing your stories as well and more importantly let me know what you'd like to see me cover in the next video so you don't miss that video