Chris R. - The Spiritual Malady & Depression - AA Speaker

0:06 this is a workshop on step 1 at the Sun I'd like to take and turn the meeting over to push off from makes me angry yeah some taxes I don't know why we do this they're not going I'm not gonna need a microphone back 10 seconds anyway my name's Chris Bay Rama recovered alcoholic how cool it is to be here to get to see you guys I know a lot of you in this room and some of you haven't met yet but I'm sure I will and those that

0:53 mother to stay through this hour I will consents to me possibly and you don't have to worry about going to the sanctuary after I finish talking because mostly people will leave anyway so I think it's pretty funny how sensitive we are about Horlicks and addicts you know we have a tendency to come into these rooms and you know I like about working upright and a treatment center Hospital in Texas and don't you know is when I'm agreeing with what the patient's saying they think Chris waivers that Chris Raymer he he's the only person that Ari understands you know and then I hate them accountable you know it's like buddy you're acting like an idiot you need to stop doing what you're doing you know there's all of a sudden it's like who does he think he is telling me what to do you know like if I'm validate your BS we're in good shape and then the minute I start saying something that differs from your experience then we

1:39 ain't buddies anymore you make sense we're out here smoking cigarette Chris you the best and then I get up here to talk about you pissin and moanin in meetings and then an offend you and so now we're not gonna smoke together anymore you know Joe either buy your silver you kids talk to me that way no but I gotta tell you guys I'm gonna do this little workshop about first step stuff because if this is a kind of little thing that kind of all PayPal it did it saved my life I I like like Desmond earlier I'm I'm a chronic relapsing it it took him a year in and out it took me seven years in and out to get this and some of the stuff I'm going to talk about sounds a little controversial you know but then I got to tell you folks it wasn't because I didn't want it you see I'm in and out seven years because in the area that I got so that bin we didn't talk about the big book and we didn't talk about God we this was in the height of the treatment

2:25 center industry in the 80s and we were talking a lot about inner child and mommy and daddy and we were talking about everything under the Sun except how to get well now to recover from alcoholism so folks it's my experience I'm going to talk tonight at four o'clock you know we get to do a little talk at the end you're gonna hear more of my story but I got a second is bless your heart if my experience doesn't coincide with your experience and you can't relate what I'm talking about don't take it personal because I'm going to tell you something there's a I traveled about 40 weekends out of the year and it's not because I'm particularly wins the color or a footing of anticipation is that there's a lot of people out there that want to hear what I'm talking about if you'll follow me folks I mean I know that there are some people that are identifying with my experience I nearly died twice I nearly died getting to Alcoholics Anonymous and

3:12 thanks to alcohol and drugs and I'm gonna tell you something folks once I got to a a in 1980 I almost died again because nobody had the courage to tell me what it was to be an alcoholic you're with it it's like you're liable it doesn't it's not like if I were working on Commission in here you know what it's like you know I was like no if you're an alcoholic let me back up in there here's the designer out of there I'm talking about the texted a tree so this is going to be interesting experiment here I'll probably fail miserably at that one but I hiya here's what's so weird about about this

3:58 business it's like when you talk to somebody about what it is to be an alcoholic it's not that is during the process of this little hour of tirade we're going to talk about this it's not that you might find out that you are an alcoholic it's that I'm asking you guys to come in here with a clean mind and accept the proposition that maybe you're not an alcoholic did you see I said around the fellowship for years and nobody would ask me some specific questions because they were too busy worried about whether or not they were going to step on my sensitive little fingers or not the cat was here and so they assumed I was going to stay here but I wasn't going to stay here because it was always it's awesome back in my mind you know my case is just a little bit different and you come in and you share your crappy little war stories with me and I couldn't relate because I hadn't done some of the stuff you've been doing you follow me inside so well

4:44 I've used I thought I was an alcoholic but I've never had a DWI so maybe I'm not an alcoholic you know I thought I was an alcoholic but I never got beat up in a bar fight before you follow all that stuff eventually happened to me I need to tell you but I said time I couldn't relate so I mean I spent a lot of years out there in and out that I didn't need nobody ever in the group guys please in the group that I went to the groups that I went to nobody ever slowed down long enough and said Chris let's find out once and for all if you even need to be here you see guys the alcoholism is and is fatal one and it's progressive and you either got it or you don't you can't be a little bit alcoholic nope Catina here's the difference here's the

5:29 first controversial thing I'll say from the podium well maybe not the first here here's the first if there's a difference between alcohol abuse and alcoholism can y'all get down with that and we got a lot of hard drinkers I'll tell you right now we've got a lot of hard drinkers in AAA today and they they can't relate to alcoholism but because there's alcohol abusers and they were given sufficient reason to stop they stopped now they're sitting in meetings they're talking trash they're there there yelled a little one-liners you know they sound like alcoholics they look like alcoholics you with me but they they're not alcoholics their life doesn't depend on carrying the message to a newcomer their lives doesn't depend on work in the

6:15 12-step you're with me but they're in meetings and they're calling themselves an alcoholic and what they we read earlier there's only one requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous and that's a desire to stay sober well our desire to stay sober that's great but if you're not an alcoholic [ __ ] need to be real careful what you're sharing in the meeting with me because if it differs the foots in this book you immediately go out and smoke a cigarette and chat this is for some of you guys get cranky this is worth it so I wear my special Diddy shirt today just beyond those the Diddy shirt I got a bet again I got a buddy in Houston tones from Denny's and he sends me these shirts and I wear them sometimes when I lecture and do this kind of stuff because I believe that this is the place that we need to

7:00 go talk about a lot of stuff that we're talking about after an Alcoholics Anonymous stay because I believe in a meeting a meeting ought to be a pep rally we ought to be talking about power god we ought to be talking about 12 steps and other than that we're going to work on a part way see some of the stuff I want to talk about four o'clock tonight you know some of you that are not going to be here at 4 o'clock because I'm going to go because I'm going to go ahead finish you off now that's okay you know but I need to tell it now because I might not get another shot at you later I believe it I'll tear your motives I believe it Alcoholics Anonymous was exactly what doesn't say with a gift to us and it's difficult for me not to get quite emotional about it because because about the time that Bill Wilson was dying in 1971 I was picking up my first drink and if it hadn't been for some people

7:46 strongly standing in the trenches explaining to us what this program was about I wouldn't be here today I got to tell you guys I got a terrific life today I have a wonderful life today as a direct result of following attendance in these books you follow us in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and if you can stay sober hanging around the periphery you're welcome but I'll not submit something to you I spent years in and out why couldn't I stay sober because my time in alcoholics Anonymous when I wasn't working the steps was more painful than my time out there drinking see I suffered from a thing called a spiritual malady and the depression is involved in a spiritual malady if you can cut it with a knife it's very a lot of y'all understand that and I started going to doctors early on I was barely

8:31 20 when I started seeing a doctor and receiving my first prescriptions for antidepressants I mean I guy got man I was 35 and I finally got so that's 15 years that I was taking medication to treat a symptom that could be alleviated like that by the power guy pretty cool thing so this is what we're going to talk about I brought a little issue man buttons up here for some of you guys with one little issue man buttons and that so let's get let's get started on this there's a small percentage of us in this world I'm watching the clock guys it gets you for about hour and then we'll go smoke big cigarettes I was too nervous to smoke earlier I didn't do think alcoholism and drug addictions what nobody bothered to tell me four years in and out of fellowship was that

9:16 it was it was genetic see we kept wanting to spend time in therapy talking about what was it in my life that caused me so much discomfort that I had to drink over you're with me now I got to tell you there was some stuff in my life that caused me some great discomfort and I drank over that you'll go with me I'm down with that people sometimes misunderstand what I'm spending my past doesn't matter I'm saying it course it matters but alcoholism being the genetic disease it it is I would have had whether I've been raised in a risk family or a poor family makes sense and this is what we kind of all need to get on the same page some of you guys in this room you get cranky about this message that I'm carrying to you today because you've been carrying you've been holding on so tight to this issue that you continue to think is causing you to drink and drug and that's what the book tries to explain Bill

10:03 Wilson in the first hundred pages describes the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in the first 60 pages he talks about this right here first step he spends in the next 40 pages he describes the next 11 steps Bill Wilson really wants us to understand what this is about are you an alcoholic or not in the back of the book and page I think it's 155 or 150 left hang I'll just read it thanks for the cold weather too I'm sure y'all did that admirer talking about dr. Bob bill Wilson's talking evening he's talking about his blood dr. Bob when he was closed deafening and he said dr. Bobby said he had a desperate desire to stop but saw no no way out for you earnestly tried many avenues of escape

10:49 painfully aware of being somehow abnormal you know duh okay the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic and see that's the problem that we have in this room right now we've got some people in this room right now that are calling themselves alcoholic but if you stop them and you get them away from everybody and say hey buddy you keep calling yourself an alcoholic would you mind telling me what that means to be an alcoholic and you're going to get some uncomfortable silences well I drink too much no it's got nothing to do with the quantity to drink if you can't know it in your heart what it is one you won't stay in these rooms because the steps will push you out work at them are so uncomfortable you you won't do them and two you won't be able

11:35 to translate the message to the newcomer who desperately needs to hear what's wrong with him see I spend years in therapy 15 years in and out of therapy couches on having them tell me why I drank and drugged blame it everybody under the Sun why I drank and drugged and I'm going to tell you something folks that's absolute garbage absolute garbage absolute garbage its genetic folks we've known it medically for years genetically there's a small percentage of its in this country that are wild like us about 15% are wild like me about 85% of people hard drinkers moderate drinkers they can take it or leave it alone go with me but a small percentage of us it's like being allergic to food

12:21 for have we got anybody allergic to food in here please what what do you learn to suggest sugar get out what happens when you eat sugar even more shitty absolutely okay I think that's it but it's but it's the truth and he'll read dr. Atkins book the the the you know the protein there he talks about addiction to carbohydrates and their allergic reaction carbohydrates some of us can open a bag of potato chips I need a couple of potato chips and some of us open a bag of potato chips and it stays open good because we patty and I'll sit there and blend Eleazar you can really gonna open that tonight yeah okay go ahead and open it but it's going to be gone before

13:07 we go to bed because we're going to sit there and eat that crap that's our bodies react differently to carbohydrates some of you would react differently the seafood you need shellfish you we all have these reactions but nobody wants to sit there asking somebody that's allergic to shrimp nobody wants to jam on that word and says hey buddy do you have a tough time with your mother is that why you can't eat shrimp no we love them wait let me laugh about it better you know I mean I had other countless arguments with people I had to do it listen I had to do a whole life story one time about how I was potty trained to try to figure out why it was that I was drinking now guys I'm not knocking therapy I learned a lot of great stuff about myself but we're trying to treat something that can only be treated internally by looking at

13:52 stuff it's external you're with us and this is what this is this for years what we tried to do so I have to talk to you a little bit in the time I've got with you about what the book calls is what he just clearly describes this alcoholism first thing I want to read you though is my new favorite page I read it last summer when we were up here and I guess on page 34 if you gots a little book whether such a person can stop well the whole paragraph for those who are unwilling to drink moderately unwilling unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether we're assuming of course that the reader desires to stop stop right there now that's an assumption in this I mean how many you guys know there's there's people that you're dealing with guys that you're sponsoring perhaps that you did just black don't think they're really one of us and don't want to stop

14:37 so again we're not out here to soliciting business cat comes in he's looking for some help here's the deal whether such a person can quit about an on spiritual basis depend upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he's going to drink or not got it tough paragraph tough spin it says can you stop on a non spiritual basis folks that's what the book is asking you on page 34 and I'm going to say this and then we'll move on past it if the books questioning whether or not I can get sober on a non spiritual basis because I didn't miss read that folks it says once the psychic change is taking place in Chris Rhema he

15:22 can go out there and kick butt and take names and have the power to absolutely stay away from alcohol and drugs oh and by the way have the power to deal with all of his other problems and it doesn't say anything in there once we work through every stupid rule no I just how many how many of us in this room have have spent tough on it that's not one of it in here that haven't gone to an a a meeting and dumped everybody doesn't I've done it everybody in this room done it I just I'm just having a [ __ ] day I just need to talk about it and I know we good and

16:10 we're going to keep continue to do it those people they're going to get what I'm saying but but I never could get sober because I thought that's what meeting work I believe just like some of the other people have said I believe that AAA was a one big self-help program and I'm having a crappy day you're going to have to have a better day and that means that I'm not going to have to drink but you know guys here's the deal we laugh about it every time I get a chance to talk how many you guys drank and drugged when everything was going absolutely great in your life how many things that when everything was going absolutely crappy in your life now what are we going to do about this guys same hands were up we're all drinking and drugging it's like did you drink what it was raining outside we're in trouble today aren't we I mean I don't know what to say rainy and colder we drink what it was sunny and we drank when I had a great girlfriend we drank drank wawee you know what I dated Satan sister you know the OBL has like

16:58 and every as well I don't know what to say about that I don't know what to say but you know what you know why you don't have it because you because it doesn't make any difference and we talk about it endlessly we want to talk about this idea we do at a treatment centers forever we foster this idea this absolutely ridiculous idea that if we can make your life okay and working through all these little crappy problems that you can come out the other side never have to drink again and that is I'm telling you something folks that is absolutely disrespectful to do to an alcoholic and an addict if you're a hard drinker you're going to be lifted up by that I guarantee you I was I was in a bad relationship and now we work through it in some good therapy and I'm out of that relationship I don't have to drink anymore hallelujah good for you have a nice life go away

17:44 got a little like that organizing my license under arranged this over here something it's over this over here so he gets over this over here again and you know gee I move and go here and go there go in and then change go to school and get change and for 18 years I drank and drugs for 18 years I could not stop I need to tell you folks I talked a lot of different fellowships and so if I say drinking drug I know where I'm at I'm in alcoholics Anonymous my nemesis was beer not cocaine not not the beer I could not stop drinking beer dig when I tried everything under the Sun cocaine was my big experiment you know what body's down something you know I like to drink anymore and I didn't it was a bad move on my part I don't I should have I

18:33 should have thought this went through a little bit more inner boy I did it but all I've known have done if you got combinations of stuff that you could do we got some pills now we got the alcohol alcohol and the pills and then and then and I alright this is what an alcoholic looks like folks and some of you guys are going to really be able to relate to this and I'm going to tell you right now before I get started some of you guys in this room when I do this election shape you're going to say I I don't I don't relate what he's saying I've done you a great service all I'm asking you to do is look at your truth based on your experience there's nothing tougher for me to do than to sit in this and that's the fellowship that saved my life and what some of you suffer so greatly in

19:20 this fellowship and why you're suffering maybe you're in the wrong room maybe you don't need to be here what does and said this morning was so true we need so many of you in the trenches with us in this spiritual program of action helping other alcoholics get well and if you can't relate you can't help anybody get well make sense if you're going to be talking about something that you know nothing about say there's a difference between knowledge and experience and that's all I'm trying to get you guys to see this morning what is your experience around this thing we call alcohol what is your experience wrecks scream your war

20:06 stories we got one Greg pipes for war stories that from the podium and in a 12-step call and we're doing neither here your follow us your war stories are some of your war stories are your worst your worst enemy is the noose around your neck I hear people in AAA all the time right they want to say well that's all we have is our war story that isn't it that's all I've got shame on me yeah I've got a war a war story I know exactly what led me up to here you know the miracle happened 15 years ago when I took my last drink and I had some people that showed me how to get connected to God and I got 15 years of sobriety that I would like to share with a newcomer the good stuff getting my credit back getting a relationship that I want being in a nice house being able to support there's some great stuff happening out there guys in this thing

20:51 called life that I wanted to avoid so terribly for 18 19 years of drinking and drugs you'll follow us war stories apiece page 17 into the common problem is one element in the cement that binds us but that can't hold us together we're now joined guys why am I so friends with it our email doesn't yell in this room we stayed connected I've known you for years why do we stay connected because I eat out of dumpsters in Houston Texas no we stay connected because your life is on fire and it's fascinating to watch we we help each other stay on the path that's all I'm trying to get you guys to do what's the truth based on your experience yeah have a lot of people in in the industry that I worked in the treatment center industry we had a lot of people out there talking about stuff that they got no experience with they're not alcoholic an addict they're got a lot of education but

21:37 they're not one of us you follow me and they're going to tell me what it's like to be an alcoholic excuse me yeah I think we'd probably have a lot less problem in our fellow today if we had people that would just talk about what they know about you know you know I'm saying instead of what what you think you know about you see we got way too many people in a a today share in their opinions and not near enough people sharing their truth there's a difference laughing we patty other day we're talking I thought I admitted from the podium you know I do the eighties I actually subscribed almost afraid to tell you this I absolutely got scribe to Cosmopolitan I couldn't buy it off the magazine rack because I mean I mean I'd rather buy a dirtiest magazine out there you know and at least looked like I knew it

22:22 but I'm subscribing of Cosmopolitan because I want to know what of what what's this woman thing you know what is it we're going to the 80s and gonna be a sensitive kind of guy you know and if you learn a little about women then maybe better you get more kissy Kissy okay go and I need to tell you I failed miserably at that experiment too you know but I mean but I mean just because I know a lot about women he doesn't mean that I know what it is to be a woman can y'all get down with that it means like you ladies you think you know about guys you'll never know what it is cuz you've had no experience being a guy in that right I heard the guys out here you know oh I feel you talking about total a black man it's been it's been discriminated against all these lobbies you want to feel your payment you're white guys they dove you didn't feel

23:08 [ __ ] you don't never know what that man has gone through because you've never been there you're with me that that's exactly what we're talking about here some of you in this room you've been given such a tremendous gift is it a death sentence yes but it's such a gift because because you know and understand this you can relay this message to the newcomer and help them get connected thank God for that but if you if you don't understand this you can't share it with anybody I hope you got that one okay here's what it is to be an alcoholic too I see there's three little areas we're going to talk about we don't spend long on any one of them because it's just not all that complicated this is not rocket science yes body mind and spirit is what the

23:55 book talks about is it describes this alcoholism it also the same as drug addiction then they look in the purest sense of the word here's what it is now you either can relate we do I think family lectures with families and members of alcoholics and addicts when they commit and some of the people in the room can relate some of the people can't relate so but here's if you've got these symptoms though I think you can relate you can understand what I'm talking about physical allergy first piece you'll get your money it's the pay for my plane fare physical allergy when I put alcohol the doctor's opinion in the front of the book it talks about it when I put alcohol in my body something happens different in me that happens in ordinary people know with us

24:41 you put alcohol in your body something happened different family members they drive them crazy because they believe that alcohol in you it should be the same as alcohol in me and they don't understand that there's a physical thing that separates me from other people say I can eat shellfish some of you in here can't eat shellfish that doesn't mean that we're we're weird than any other way it just means that genetically I can't tolerate the shellfish makes sense same stuff right here physical allergy when I put alcohol or drugs in my body what takes place what happens I begin to lose control once I put it in my body y'all got it all right let me put it another way did you ever drink more than you intended yeah and you get the young guys [ __ ]

25:27 though every time I dress I set up to get absolutely squashed I'm not buying that because I like Desmond and some of the others in here I was a functioning alcoholic both I was a professional chef for years at the height of my career I couldn't do that if every time I drank I drank everything in Texas you're with me but there were times that I set out and I was just going to drink a couple of drinks right and ended up drinking six 316 greens you follow me some nights the phenomenon of craving were satisfied with a couple of drinks I drank too and went home and some nights the phenomenal craving wasn't satisfied at all and I drank around-the-clock yo with us there was nothing weird going on in my life it was causing me to drink that day it was all boiled down to the phenomena called crazy normal

26:12 people don't crave alcohol you with us soothing big normal in here any family member in here by any chance this would be a hoot if we had one we could just torture that poor fool Hillier stay down with a normal person ill and watch them drink and they drink a couple of drinks and he say I think you ready for another drink and I go no thank you I'm starting to feel it see and and because they're starting to feel it they don't like the way it makes them feel and so they want they stop you see what happened with us we start to drink a couple of drinks if we start to feel it what does our minds say right it is the truth and you talk

27:00 to this about people that don't understand this bit and they think we're how many guys ever went got sick you know they're gone and through your guts up and came back one back to the table and you let me have another drink this way we live on a planet let them in the stupid chicken you know little chicken [Music] what happened what happened see yes here here's a little target here's what happened when we first start drinking when I started drinking I met you deserts stories the same as mine in this regard look Patti any of us in here that we know Mike we started drinking and the stuff started affecting the way we felt and I'm telling you every time I drank it did something pretty magical for me

27:46 it made me feel better and I'm hitting this target now guys you can hit this target but for about a million times but what happens at one time that you ended up drinking a little bit too much and you think you missed the target altogether don't follow it guys this is a happy happy place right here in that center that target we call that mr. happy place this right here is mr. not so damn happy place right out here you know what I'm saying and sometimes we'd be drinking and hits this thing again for the next thousand I'm never going to get that squashed again make a fool of myself and throw up to that party and I got a DWI and I'm not ever going to do that again and so for the next 40 50 60 80 hundred thousand times you hit this target again with it and then there comes that one day that you set out to drink a couple you with it oh this is this has never

28:45 seen mr. happy spot over here this is out of the car boy you're under arrest you know this is waking up someplace without how to close all this is not a happy thing to do you know this is not this is not this is the kind of stuff you don't want to talk to anybody about you know what happened okay y'all understand that I'm just a newsflash this doesn't happen to normal drinkers ever ever it doesn't happen just us there's a genetic reason the physical reason we don't have time to go into but our bodies don't metabolize the alcohol like other people and the phenomena of craving kicks in and we can't control both sets at certain times guys you've got to get past this one piece and we'll move on there are times that I can

29:31 control it at least it appears that I'm controlled controlling it I'm not getting drunk every time I drink I'm not making an ass of myself every time I'm not ended up over here every time I drink the question is the book ask you did it ever happen well yeah you're in your the you've got the least you have a physical piece the physical allergy now that didn't make you an alcoholic that just means that you're wired weird big no these are the second thing this is the piece that I'm famous for right here and this will make some of you uncomfortable and I apologize going in the door just this oh these on page 20 and 21 it starts talking about it now and then it goes on over the next two to three pages on 23 says the main problem if it only had to

30:18 contend with was the physical allergy we just don't drink I mean it's like Thank You Nancy Reagan for share your wisdom with us just so drink just don't drink I mean if you know but sometimes you drink a lot in your over mr. Hassett spot and now you're worried we're hearing in state and land you know then just don't drink well I don't seem to be able to not do it sometimes that's the second piece study that's what the book says the main problem centers of our mind rather than our body these listen guys detox centers hustle but I work for we do a great job that you can

31:03 detox off the pills or the alcohol cocaine whatever your detox enough up we can get that out of your body and now there's nothing physically to trigger the [ __ ] you know the owner is the first one you'll never end up over here that much is true no my problem is I don't got anything to stay away from the first one there anybody - you know what I'm saying did anybody try to clear this up in my head Wyatt he always is that I know this on an intellectual basis Christy just don't break you won't get drunk Thanks you know I you know I don't even have debit doesn't education but I even I understand that you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure this out why can't I leave the first one alone why is it that I get caught in these middle black spots and a week after I've made a commitment with tears in my eyes in front of a wife that I don't want to

31:48 scare or lose anymore and I'm going to say buddy I'm not ever going to do this again why is it did I did it again and we got people in a a today killing people standing up the podium said I vote this morning and chose not to drink did you now did you now Maddox says point blank on page 24 that we have lost the ability to choose whether we're going to do this or not if you can choose and make it stick do you not one of us you're a hard drinker hard burger welcome have a nice life but you're not an alcoholic that colder and Harold said in here choice guys this is

32:34 the choice you want to tell me you're choosing this is what reconsiders kill us because all we want to do is go to treatment and talk about all the reasons that while we're drinking is that right how many y'all been in treatment y'all did it just get there until the council already done good life in this effort and then sadly you only give me all reason this is not hair yeah well boy do up here we couldn't do this without putting a little but the real good news there's a little issue man if you man is it with famous for little guy I was just stuck in ice and a couple of weeks ago in this you've got 400 people just like that they're always a little issue man button you know there's pretty good little Iceland issue man this is the coolest here's why we drink and drug this is what everybody wanted to talk about Chris you're drinking and drugging

33:20 because of all this external stuff and that's what we talk about Emily that's why it drives me crazy when you come into meetings instead of going to Denny's where you're supposed to be talking about that crap and waste my time and recovery talking about everything out everything under the Sun out here except what we're supposed to be talking about which is what's going on inside make sense guys we've got to get straight if you're drinking because it's something external then you're not one of us if that's the only reason you're drinking change your circumstances see what I'm going to come back to this let's go to this third piece the spiritual malady piece this internal condition is what the big book says the reason I drink and drug it describes it in the doctor's opinion in several places on page 52 it talks specifically about it an internal condition it's

34:06 causing me to drink let me tell you what the spirituality looks like and you guys see if you can identify with this book says it how many you guys are here understand irritable I got Restless discontent fearful depressed boredom and just leave them up you make a big these figures like it's the wave out here you people them that yeah thing what about what about no sense of direction trouble and personal relationships trouble making a living that nothing to it making money a lot of us make good money what do we do with that money we have to spending more than we're making living beyond their means credit card debt spiritual knowledge ease with that's

34:51 call folks that internal condition is what's killing alcoholics and addicts guys and I had I was talking to a friend of mine in the program yesterday we were talking about his 12 year old daughter who's never had a drink and she's describing the symptoms its its alcoholism its alcoholism guys in 17 years old somebody gave me a bottle of Boone's Farm apple wine and I drank that bottle of Boone's Farm I'm going to tell you what the boone sperm did did it get me drunk yes did it treat the spiritual malady instantly you you catch in here you want to think that the alcohols approach if I'm particularly but then Dell followed everything would be okay if you're an alcoholic and you just don't drink you will not get better you'll get worse that's my experience it's the experience

35:37 of beer and associate for 20 years watching you and myself in and out of this fellowship with the law long periods of drive time and then leaving how many people know people that have kill themselves in sobriety what about all was the problem with what were what are we doing I call it's not the problem alcohol has never been the problem I caused the solution it instantly treats this internal condition that's why it's not drinking there's a real pain for some of it that's why oh you mean I I guess he's not drinking part but not know snow pop you learn how many people that I see coming to the hospital right now is 90 people in my hospital right now and a lot of them

36:23 were sober dry for periods of time and came back via the prescription pad you follow me I'm not taking any alcohol in my body anymore but I'm not getting better either internally and the depression comes back and the boredom and the fear and the anxiety and all of this and it finally just gradually outweighs the benefit and I get caught in this middle blank spot one day driving home from work down over what it's like and somebody who has a little dry spell you know and you're driving that rush-hour traffic you know and unless you've been doing ok for weeks and it's no problem and now with a sudden stupid radio station there breeze playing crap with all his lap step on here I can't believe he's pushing it irritable you pull into work and somebody got your parking place and you immediately are grateful that you didn't put the gun in the car today if you have

37:09 to go shoot somebody you know but getting your parking blade is like everything's life and death that you know you the voices are starting to return and your worthless piece of [ __ ] they're never going to amount to anything you're no good and you know even the low self-esteem look at yourself in the mirror god what an ugly okay you know it's it's internal stuff guys there's nothing external having weird your external world has gotten better because you haven't been drinking for six months but the internal world is going to hell in a handbasket and you just drive it home that afternoon you're just just going to come out and glued you pull into a 7-eleven you walk in to get a soda water and you open a deal and there's a dr. pepper there you shut it and stand there for

37:55 one beer over six months one stinking beer grab the beer out put it back grab the tallboy if I'm going to make it one I might when we get a big one you know we were downtown downtown in New York yesterday another on the street because there's the whole attraction subway down the street gunmetal Heinekens like big whip they didn't have those when I was very out there drinking you all these big they're both hands that carry that the vascular that's my kind of drink you know you're gonna have a bit I just had a beer it was a gallon it was just a business come on guys I'm you [ __ ] then

38:40 you get back in the car you open that dead bottle and you go dunk dunk and you pour some of that down your throat and immediately I'll listen to that song I haven't heard that song in 30 years you know it's like oh that's the best back out somebody's in your wife go ahead I'm in no hurry go with me because the entire condition is starting to feel better now and instantly the beers fixture but the problem is you've got this little pesky thing called the physical algae we talked about at the beginning and it kicks in and now you're off to the stupid races again go with me and now maybe today maybe tomorrow maybe next week the phenomena of crazy kicks in big-time and you're squashed you follow us but what got us drunk treatment says kill us for years by telling us is what we have to do is stay away from slippery places in slippery things

39:27 and we asked to better the first Romania guys that crap that's crap listen another David vial has somebody a family never called me on the telephone Chris I want you to talk to Johnny what's he doing he's richer that damn metallic again so come on I'm busy what do you want me to do here well what's your turn to stop listen that music yeah you wouldn't believe that the music is what got him loaded ah Johnny pretty Mon the phone Johnny take all that Metallica box it up and send it to me I was scared pay up come on guys what are we gonna do how many you guys drink when you listen to rock n roll yeah how are you drink reg when you listen to Patti PI thanks

40:16 amber I just order the music all together how many one use alone by yourself with that little apartment yes how many weeks with you is it with a woman you know what we're going with this don't you forget it forget it uh-uh that's what we've done in this fellowship we've tried to point fingers and blame everybody under the Sun while we got drunk the truth is this point-blank I got drunk because I didn't do the things necessary to recover from alcoholism and drug addiction Bill Wilson when he wrote the big book guys 20 24 places in the first hundred 64 it says that you can recover from alcoholism never says will always be recovered that is absolute crap that that is treatment center crap it's what kills alcoholics

41:02 will always be recovering that means we're always going to be sick I'm always going to have alcoholism folks the guy 15 years ago the desire to drink and drugs left me as a result of me getting off my dead but and finishing this work finally working the steps the desire to use his left what kind of a crappy program is this if all I can offer you is that you can stay sober when things are going perfect when things are going great you can stay sober but what about that little line that little pesky line on the book where it talks about Fred the businessman there's the line another one it was the end of a perfect day not a cloud on the horizon and what is once we're doing the next paragraph he gets squashed bosses his money could have a drink if he goes takes a drink y'all with me y'all understand if you

41:47 absolutely cannot expect to stay sober if you believe that you're drinking drug has got something to do with this external world if there's anything left to drink over folks you're going to drink over anything the desire to drink is either been lifted from you or it hasn't we're downtown New York they're smoking crack out on the parking lot they're drinking in the bars we're surrounded by the stuff everywhere we go what a terrific place y'all live in now it's the best I mean we're a wonderful place as a recovered alcoholic I don't have to worry about what's happening out here so I can stay sober in here I just have to keep my little nose buried in the book and helping somebody else and watching that goal for the newcomer to

42:32 come in so I can go get some fresh blood to work with y'all understand that that's what this is about y'all read it today it's called Terry the message group how cool is that I want to I want to submit something to you some of you guys are spoiled because you sit in this meeting you surround yourself with people that are big book lovers and understand the necessity to work with others but I will tell you there's a fellowship out there right now if they don't do that there's a lot of people out there not working with others because of too busy talking about the crappy day don't know with me you sound like I get a little irritated with it I am I am I've had it to here with it absolutely drives me cut and everybody thinks it's our god-given right to do it there's a god-given right to do this to make a conscious choice whether I want to seek the power God or not I want to

43:19 see God that's the second step consideration in it little brother second step consideration either God's everything reads nothing at all what's it going to be he's everything good you really mean that if you really mean that in the third step prayer when we said we're going to remove our difficulties so victory over the difficulty can bear witness to God's power do we believe that then why is it if you spend all your time coming into meetings instead of looking for a newcomer to work with and sharing some hope all you want to do is come in and use it in your therapy session why is it that we continue to have our big book about boxing show up on indexes under self-help guys I could if I could help myself I'd have done it a long time before I did if y'all get down with that I am powerless over alcohol and the stuff will kill me

44:05 if I don't get some intervention if sanity doesn't return and place me in a situation a position of neutrality I'm going to drink again and it's just that simple why that's so controversial because that's the message that Bill Wilson tells us to share Bill Wilson says bill sees it in a little book is as bill sees it in a letter from 1946 it says our chief responsibility to the newcomer is an adequate presentation of the program and I'm going to tell you something folks four years in a a I didn't get an adequate presentation of the program what I got was a lot of people teaching me on the cheek telling me to keep coming back telling me it was going to be okay telling me that mediamakers make it and I'm going to tell you something folks leading makers don't make it meeting makers make it if they eventually work the steps but if they're real alcoholic they will

44:51 eventually get so sick and tired of sitting these meetings listening to the crap that they will leave their internal wall will get so noisy that they can't sit in these rooms and they will go out in the car and they will open a can of beer and they will put it in to their pain it's going on in their life makes sense it's a pretty simple message quite controversial let me ask you a question for I go I ask you the question what's our primary purpose

45:37 what message do we carry we need to be carrying the message the same message guys because the same message that got bill Wilson's sober the same message we got back to Bob sober and Bill Wilson and dr. Bob period it to number three and they got sober and there's millions of us today because we're sober because somebody had the courage to tell us what we needed to do in order to get sober just getting you in this meeting is not good enough now we've got to get you motivated enough to actually do the work that you're supposed to do to get connected we got so politically correct since 70s and 80s nobody wanted to talk about it I've sent me to listen to people - Chris you talk too much about God you're scaring the newcomer away shame on us is

46:24 a shame on us in the fellowship for going there shame on us thank you God for keeping me sober for 15 years but I see a newcomer coming in the door but I'm not going to tell him about you that's pretty scrappy first step stuff is this you have a physical allergy this is what we need to be doing when the newcomer comes into our fellowship we need to qualify him not the kind of get here and he stops shaking a little bit though with us you've got a little coffee right there we need to start qualifying to find out if he's in the right room is he a drug addict do we need to help him get to is cocaine anonymous or sister fellowships Narcotics Anonymous can we help them get connected someplace that they need to be are they suffering from some stuff that the psychological stuff it if they need

47:09 some good strong medical attention now with us do they need some good therapy can we help them with that we can't do that if all we do is just tell them to keep coming back and avoid them we got to sit down with a cup of coffee and talk to the cat figure out what's going on with it that's work iBook tells us to do find out as much as you can about him we said reading that says you don't have anything to share for the first six months you're here excuse me show me in the book where it says that crap it doesn't say that it says let's get the guy to talk with find out what he needs to do and then we're going to get written we're going to try again qualifying we're going to ask him some questions find out if he's a real alcoholic or not about the physical allergy hey buddy what happens when you drink you lose control sometimes and drink more than you intended yeah given sufficient reason you just lost a job woke up sick you you scared the

47:56 daylights out of the kids whatever can you stop and stay stop have you been able to quit for good on your own power no but guess what you're suffering from a disease that we can guarantee you recovery from how cool is that all you got to do is finish this work and you know what else is cool I know how to show you how to finish it and there's people in this room we can show you how to finish it we're going to work through these steps rapidly we're not gonna let you sit on your butt for six months until you get comfortable we're going to work you through the step right now today we're going to get started tonight when I talk to poor thoughts when I speak this afternoon I'll tell you about my experience finally coming back to the fellowship after seven years in and out and had the old-timers sit on me for ten weeks until I finished the work that's what they did with Eddie

48:43 what they they would build but you're not good enough to do we're just going to we're just going to allow you to sit these rings for years and do nothing absolute travesty success rates and Alcoholics Anonymous used to be excellent second edition tells us we have a 75% success rate since the staff in Akron around Cleveland were really a hundred percent in certain places we read into the current Snyder stuff read the history the archives worst take scenario 65% we're getting sober right now in the United States I'm telling you right now we've got some tests from New York here that could probably fill us in a little closer on the stats right now in Texas I can tell you right now from chip sales we got less than 8% staying sober what what's up with that took a 67

49:32 years to take a beautiful methods like this and trash it why do we do that why did we trash it because this message right here you know how much this message cost nothing nothing you know how much it cost to come to most treatment centers in the country right now let's don't even go there I'm not not going to treatment centers I work for one again I think it's absolute best I'm telling you we're but we're all waters down to those if we take them through the treatment and we don't explain this to them they're not Saint Sauveur we've watched it for years in and out in and out in and out and there now make sense this is the coolest if

50:19 you understand the physical allergies the mental obsession and the spiritual malady and you can understand that show up in the book where this is that there's no reason why after the first couple of weeks you're sober you couldn't start carrying this message to the newcomer that's still hurting out there and helping them because it's by giving away by carrying the message like we read earlier in this book that we're going to stay sober it's by giving it back that we get to stay sober and I sure hope that we got more you in the trenches with us I'm preaching to the choir most of you in this room we're not in your head some of your grinding your teeth you know guys I don't know what to tell you I love you but you know if you think for a second that I'm gonna sit around on my butt and watch you kill people in this fellowship I share your opinion you know you're wrong you're wrong you have every right to stand up and say

51:05 what you need to say in a meeting just like I have every right to stand up and carry what's in this book this is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous the program is a 12-step if you're not working the 12 steps you're in the Fellowship you're welcome which we're not in the program and this is where we get well is in the program if you've got a sponsor that's telling you to take your time to work the steps come see me after the meeting I know some people in this room that understands what that means that means is I don't have time to mess with you go down low that come come let us get you hooked up with some tats are going to work you through your steps so that you can have a spiritual experience so that the desire to drink and drug leaves you and you can walk out of this room

51:50 absolutely free thank God for that because I'll repeat what death said earlier God we need every single person in this room young adults old adults we need everybody in the trench with us helping us carry the to just hope because they're not getting it pretty we're going to get it right here with you packs I'm glad to know every one of you thank you so much you