COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

0:00 So our climax would be communication. Hallelujah. >> The lifeline of relationships and marriage. Communication. So communication is the oxygen of every relationship. When couples start communicating, the relationship begins to suffocate. In the book of Proverbs 18 21, Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. This means that your words can create life in your marriage or destroy it. Many people have destroyed their relationships and marriages with their words. And that's why it's important. 7% of communication is words which is also what we call verbal.

0:46 38% is tone of voice and 55% is nonverbal. Can you seen how words like verbal like what you are saying is just 7%. How you are saying it is where communication starts. Hallelujah. >> The average couple speak only 17 minutes per day >> in a meaningful conversation. Meaningful conversation only 17. That's the average couple. We are not even talking about relationship. when a relationship is nice that you do free nice calls and you walk in and be breathing on the phone so that the two of you can hear yourself breathe. But is it not sad that something that requires communication only has 17

1:31 minutes of it meaningful conversation and now most of it is WhatsApp and iMessage is not even physical conversation and miscommunication accounts for about 70 to 80% of marital conflict. Marital conflict 80% communicating expectation needs you know talking to your even communicating displeasure. So that is why what we are talking about is important. And when we talk about relationships and marriage, we are not limiting it to romantic relationship. Even your relationship with your boss, your relationship with your friends, your siblings. Every meaningful relationship thrives on

2:16 communication. And that's why this conversation is important. Love begins with communication and ends when communication dies. A strong marriage is two good forgivers and two great communicators. So if you don't have these two things at play, the relationship or marriage will not work. So what is communication? Communication is the intentional exchange of thoughts, of emotions, of desires and understanding. It is not just talking, it is connecting. So many people when they claim they are communicating what they are doing is they are talking. There is a difference between talking and communicating many people talk at each other and if you are in any company and

3:04 you are going to be able to do very well you will need to learn how to speak. Hey hallelujah. >> So doing communication you are exchanging your thoughts because you see your your your spouse is not a magician to know what you are thinking. Some of you see someone and say he should have known. There are many people who are genuinely ignorant about what needs to be done. You think that oh you know he should have known this is important. No. If you really want something done communicate it. Hallelujah. Sometimes with time people learn. But when you enter a relationship and you want your feet to be kissed and that's your love language then you must say it. You don't leave it for the person and when they don't do it you are judging them for not loving you. the

3:49 person is loving in their love language. Do you get what I'm saying? What they know to be love, you know. And there are times that in an exams room with someone's pen not working, a million dollar doesn't mean anything. >> You see, it is the pen you need because their life depends on it. So sometimes you are giving a million dollar because to you money is everything. But to them they need their pen to write what they have learned for. So you have to be able to understand and communicate that it's a pen I need not a million dollar. Hey hallelujah. >> There are some men who are going to marry. You have to be clear. Say it's a slave I want not a wife. Because all these expectations you are having of the woman. You have to be clear that it's a slave I want or a house girl.

4:36 >> So that we are clear not not that you have married someone's daughter and you have and the women too. What you want is a sponsor. Do you get what I'm saying? You want A ZADI. >> SO STOP TRYING to you know zi. You are you are trying to put it you know as if you are a Christian and you want to go to the other. What you need is a sponsor. You have no intentions of going to give your life to another person. You have to be clear in your communication your thoughts your emotions your desires and your understanding. Someone said he should have written me a poem. How would he know? communicate it if that's what you want. If he can't do it, then he works. Hallelujah. >> Amos 3:3. Can two work together unless

5:23 they agree? Agreement is impossible without communication. If you want agreement in your relationship, you need to communicate. You cannot walk together if you cannot talk together. Hallelujah. There are some of you who like ladies and you've liked them in your head. It's not going to happen if you don't say "Sister >> you are the only mosquito in my mosquito net." >> Have to say it. >> Say it and let them bounce you. >> No. At a point, you have to just tell yourself, "What's the worst that CAN HAPPEN?" >> THE WORST IS a no. >> And you know be God. Do you get what I'm saying? You not be God. So,

6:12 So let's go to what a verbal communication is. What you say what I'm talking about when I mean verbal communication is what you say. Your words creates the emotional climate of your relationship. Bible says that by faith we believe that the worlds were created by the word of God. You know, God created a world that had seas, that had nice beaches, that has um, you know, water fountains and water falls and, you know, all sorts of things, rivers and plants and flowers. That's God's world. And with your well, with your words, you create your world. With your words, you create your marriage. So, some of you, your marriage is a war zone. It's a

6:57 Somalia marriage >> because with your lips you've created a Somalia, >> you know, Middle East, drones are flying, blood being shed. That's the climate your words have created because words create. Words are creative. I can say certain things to you, you'll be happy. And I can say certain things to you, you can cry. Words can change moods. Words can change atmospheres. Words can change many things. So the verbal part of communication is very important. Your tongue is a builder or a breaker, a healer or it's something that can hurt.

7:43 As Proverbs 18:21 says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. So you don't enter marriage and want a loving marriage but speaking hateful words. You want love in the atmosphere but you don't speak love. It's violence that you want. You say peace is an >> violence is what your hallmark is. No. So speak to your spouse the way you want your marriage to sound. Words are seeds. What you sow is what your home becomes. So some of you already you should start speaking into the kind of marriage you would have. You got what I'm saying? You should start speaking the kind of home you would have, the kind of you know

8:29 family you would have, the kind of children you want to raise and how you want to raise them. I already start saying it. I don't want my children to grow up to insult. I don't want my children to grow up to dishonor. Like I you say it say it what do you want? Otherwise the devil will bring a different reality. I don't want myself and lady pastor to exchange words or to quarrel before the children or to do you have to say it and I tell her I'm not waiting for an argument to happen before I say it that here we don't do this we are not going to do this in this place other people every marriage fights no not here do you got every couple fights when we say they fight not blows do you get me maybe we can disagree here

9:16 we have disagreements Here we are not enemy. Here we are not trying to mafia each other. Here we are respectful. Hey. Hallelujah. >> I told lady pastor clearly that I'm very respected everywhere. At work I'm highly respected in church. I'm respected. Even notable people in society respect me. I will be respected in this home. Do you got what I'm saying? I'll be accorded a certain level of respect. And I expect to also respect her. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I not throw anger tantrums at home anyhow because the people I respect, I don't do that. Even if I disagree with them because I'm saying if you truly respect someone, some of you respect me that you've disagreed with some things I've done, but you've even you've not even told me

10:01 yet. It's been it's been years. Hallelujah. That's what respect. So, can you imagine if we truly respected our spouses? If we truly respected our spouses like some godfathers and godmothers we have at work. Yes. If we truly had that and it comes into our communication, our homes will be stronger. So your words are seeds that you sow and it makes your home to become whatever it needs to become. So non-verbal communication is the next I want to talk about. What do you communicate without words? Non-verbal communication includes facial expressions. Some of you, you've not said anything by your face. No.

10:49 >> Do you go what I'm saying? Like your face. I'm coming to you on this one. >> You know your facial >> expression, your body posture, your gestures, your energy. Sometimes it's just the energy, the vibes you are giving, not giving good vibes. Your body language is not good. You know those days when we're young, our mother, my my mother will beat you and you will be beaten again for having an attitude after you were beaten. Like how dare you have an attitude like you must be smiling in the house. You must be very happy here. Hey, they've beaten you and

11:34 now you have an attitude. You not eat. You you the family is watching TV and you are in your room. What rights do you have? Some of you it's your body language. Some of you have to learn how to speak without hand gestures. Hand gestures. Very soon you start pointing here. Can you do that to someone you respect? Tell you some people you street. Dear God, I'm you are too ragged street. You have to bring some civility, some dip. Do you get what I'm saying? Our marriages should be civil. We are not going to fight like we are on the streets. Have you ever gone to a board meeting before? There are

12:20 disagreements about projects, but there is civility in the communication. We your hand gestures. You have to learn, you know, how to communicate. Non-verbal communication. Your face. Your face. Hey. Hallelujah. >> Amen. >> So, statistics show that 90% of conflicts escalate because of the tone and body language, not words. Some of you must must reduce your tone. The ladies, you have to learn to be feminine. >> Do you get me? There is power in femininity. You have to you have to be fe God made you that way for a reason. Don't try to be another boy. There are some homes where there are two boys in the house.

13:05 >> You going to say boys, boys? No, you have to learn to be feminine. There is power in it. Haven't you seen big men being controlled by teenagers? >> Hey, a few years ago, you see big influential world leaders being controlled by small girls >> cuz they've learned to be feminine. >> If you get two boys, they go to they go to war. Some families are war zones because the woman is trying to be a man. Your gentleness, your meekness. Hey, hallelujah. The women don't like it. I'm coming to the men. Don't worry. I know some of you are saying you, how about the men? I'm coming to them. Your body language. Learn how to be feminine.

13:53 I've entered a boxing ring with gloves coming to fights. No, it won't work. nonverbal and the men masculinity is not in your tone of voice and how loud and how physical you can get. >> No, no, no. It's in your leadership, >> your wisdom. Do you get what I'm saying? That's masculinity. When you speak, it's like a God has spoken. You see, God, God, God God made the man in his image. He made a man first. When you say you are a masculine man, when you speak, there should be wisdom in your words. It's not about how loud you can be and how aggressive you can be and you claim that masculinity. It's not alo in your muscles. >> You got what I'm saying? So you are in

14:38 the gym trying to be masculine. >> No, it's in how you try to craft your words and speak to your relationships. Hallelujah. >> Your your face, your smile. Some people can't even smile. Do you know a smile is more than a makeup? >> Just a smile. A smile can weather down a storm. A smile. Yes. There are some homes a woman is angry doesn't smile. Then the man too. Some people think masculinity is being angry in the house you know. Oh yeah. Why are you why are

15:24 you saying oh pastor Yeah. >> Being angry in the house, the children are afraid of their father. >> It's like I'm not your mate, that's not masculinity. >> Hallelujah. We are raising a new generation of men that must learn. As I was preparing this, I realized that no, there's gaps I must fill. Yes, there are gaps. Who is trying to clap? Pimpa. You freely. Yeah. Hallelujah. Isaiah 3:9 says that the countenance testifies against them like their words are saying something else but the countenance learn to be like chal when your wife or your husband comes home they've come home it's something I have to learn

16:10 yeah I have to learn like you have to run and hug your partner oh and [laughter] Yes. Yes. My big brother has to teach his children and his wife. Yeah. My my my brother Henry, he said if you hear the kar runan to the gates like something big has come like a big deal. You can be small everywhere else but your home not your home. And I'm saying that when you enter relationship say these things. Oh >> I remember lady pastor I told her I'll be a king in this house. >> No no no no no. I'm not going to allow you to now warm up to it. I'll be treated as a king here. And hopefully you'll be treated as a

16:56 queen too. HOPEFULLY. HALLELUJAH. >> She'll be treated. She has been treated as a queen. >> Hallelujah. Amen. >> I mean to realize that lady pastor is respected because she's married. I I've told her you go to her Instagram and see all the post that she has added me to it. They are all 500,000. Her single post some OH YOU REALIZE NO A LOT OF A LOT OF good things have happened to her life. You go and see the videos and the pictures that has Avery. Look at my graduation picture. It's 400,000 >> views. Just every doing this every every

17:44 doing. Yes. We are we are good additions to your life. I knew where she was when I married her. >> Yes. Her post were 40,000 50,000 but now we are in fact you see two we chase 10,000. [applause and cheering] Yeah. Two. Hey. Hallelujah. My life has also improved a lot cuz when I married them my followers were thousand. They are now 9,000. Hallelujah. >> Yes. A lot has happened to my life. Your spouse hears what your body says louder than what your mouth says. Your spouse hears what your body says

18:32 louder than what your mouth says. You know, one side chick was interviewed on a Nigerian podcast said the men are happy with us because we are happy to see them. >> We are excited. Wow. They asked her, "What's the secret to the side chickake industry?" And she said, "We are excited to see our zadis. We are happy >> is the body language >> the s with a large pack >> one large sack >> no parts is being celebrated and there are many men who are not

19:18 celebrated in their homes they are not taught to be big deals they can be leaders of corporations so but through the years of resentment it's like you come you open the door the person is in their room do you get what I'm saying that there when I was I was traveling this weekend. I told her, "Come and open the gate for me. Let's go to the gate. Come and see me off." No, there are things you have to do in your marriage. You have to see is going on like you are going out. No. See me to the gate. Like it's like a king going to war. Uhhuh. Like if you marry do different me I'm telling you if you catch your turn do the way you want. [laughter] Nonverbal communication is the silent

20:04 preacher in every home. There are homes that there is tension. Nothing is being said by a lot is being said. You know there there's immaturity when you want to speak to your spouse through your body language. It's immaturity. If you are not happy, say it. Hallelujah. >> And we we can cut short the side chick industry. Do you get me? No matter what ch they are happy. >> Hallelujah. >> I now hear that side men. >> I never knew. >> Side men. >> Wow. >> I have point four. Hallelujah. Listening. When it comes to

20:50 communication, listening is a big part of it. It's something that the Lord has to help us all with. We are not good listeners. The heart of healthy communication is listening. Listening is how love becomes understanding. Listening is more powerful than speaking. Listening is more powerful than speaking. Many of us are in a rush to say something. James chapter 1 verse 19 it says that be quick we quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger but many of us want to be fast to anger fast to speak and slow to hear you have to be

21:36 quick to listen now you see people's communication there's a lot of interjection the PERSON SAYS SOMETHING YOU AFRAID now wait Listen, even if you disagree, listen. Our communication is only better because we have given audience enough to know where that person is coming from. Even when they are wrong, even when they are in error, listening, you have to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Most problems come not from what was said, but what was not heard. what was not heard. Sometimes what they are even saying is not what they are trying to communicate.

22:24 Listening is loving. Many marriages need ears more than advice. You just need ears. And many relationship need ears. Your relationship with your boss. You should be able to pick things that have been said this week and know that chal I have to change something. You don't have to wait to be told everything. There are things that you yourself must be able to pick up and change quickly. And number five is honesty. When it comes to communication, you have to speak the truth. But speak the truth in love. Have to be honest. I realize that many people are not honest when it comes to communications. You know, many people say, "I don't want

23:10 to make him feel bad. I don't want to make her feel bad." There's nothing as terrible as that. What we need to learn how to do is to learn how to communicate the truth and communicate it in love. Yes, you have to learn to speak the truth because the truth has destroyed many relationships. The truth. The truth. If you don't learn how to communicate the truth in love, the truth will destroy someone. Me I speak my mind. Oh, you have met a fool. Because that speaking of your mind will destroy relationship, bend bridges, destroy bridges, spoil relationships.

23:56 That's speaking your mind. And speaking the truth in love is not lying. It's like giving a paracetamol dosage to a child. They mix it with some citrus and something. The medication is there but it's been mixed. If you are going to criticize someone, sometimes it pays to recognize all the things they've done. Then you bring your criticism. Some people are always criticizing, always looking for faults, always saying something. The truth must be spoken. When it comes to communicating, you are not communicating if you are not speaking openly and you are not honest. But with that honesty too must be wisdom and the wisdom bit is communicating the truth in love. You know there was a time when pastor Chris

24:42 corrected a doctrine of Kenneth Hagen. He said Kenneth Hagen said it's only Jesus who is filled with the spirit without measure. You know and then pastor Chris has a disagreement. There was a whole sermon on that. In fact, you not know which part of the sermon there was a disagreement. I don't know whether you are getting me. He has taught this. You are trying to correct a father. Instead of coming and say he's wrong, >> he's a liar. This is not what scripture say by revelation. You are not wise. You have to learn how to communicate it. Appreciate every other thing the person has taught and don't make it look like their whole ministry is centered around what you think is error. Because even you you may not be right. There are many

25:28 times you think someone is in error you know just because you are angry doesn't mean you are right. Many times just because you are unhappy about a situation doesn't mean you are right about it. Yes your emotions have been hurt. Yes you are unhappy about it. Like let's say you have been corrected and you are angry the way it was said. You see what you are angry with is the way it was said not the fact that you were right. So you have to distinguish the two. And when it comes to communication, your communication is better if you can be honest. A few years ago, there was a friend who fell in love. Hallelujah. With a lady who had mafodor, how do you say this

26:15 without it looking like you don't have, you know, the person's body? You see your history gives you the ability to easily do some things or not. If you are someone who is used to appreciating the person, appreciating how beautiful they are, how pleasant you are. When you give a negative feedback, it's not taken wrong. But if you are someone who doesn't give any compliments, you don't say any good thing the person does and you have come with this, it will never be taken right. Do you understand what I'm saying? It is important to live a life where you are consciously complimenting people their hard work whatever they may have done whatever they may have added you if you do that and there is a negative review it's easy because the person knows that it's not personal many of you can take my criticisms and my corrections because

27:02 when someone has done it well I'll tell them I tell a minute I tell you you are exceptionally doing it well pes I've told pes you know pastor Chris there we and him daily when he does it you are fine. But many times you can easily correct someone in communicating to them. If you can recognize what they are doing well, then now when you bring the criticism, it's fine. Can you imagine our relationship? It won't go far cuz someone has this but they don't know how to say and the guy couldn't say it for years. He was looking for a way to break the relationship. You see, and that's what people do nowadays. Day now they want to break it up. So the day you come and you say you are unhappy okay do you get what I'm saying? They say okay fine because they now they wanted a way out already. So if

27:48 you are angry about something and so let's take a break they say oh don't worry let's go our separate ways you know but you need to be able to learn how to communicate even unpleasant things and the way around it is to learn to appreciate the good about people their meekness their humility. Recognize it appreciate it. Commend it. Then when you now come with your criticism, it's easier because the person know is being done in love. Hallelujah. There are some people I cannot take correction from. It's hard to take correction from them because you have never appreciated the work we are doing. Then you have now come and you are coming to show me what we can do. Do do you understand what we have gone through to the year honesty Ephesians 4:15 says speak the truth in

28:36 love. Truth builds trust. Lies build distance. You see, no relationship can be built on lies. If you are not happy, you are not happy. If you are not um excited about something, communicate it. Because the more you keep it, the more the relationship is going apart. And you think you are saving it by not saying it but you are destroying it. Because the lifeblood of every relationship is the communication and the communication in honesty, the communication in truth. The truth must be spoken and it must be spoken in love. Hallelujah. Some of you should be honest that you don't like the guy. Hey, hallelujah. >> It's honest. It will save us all time and energy.

29:22 Some of you are not in love with the lady. Tell it be truthful. There are people who must break up who say that I don't want to hurt the person. So they are staying on and you are hurting the person because you don't pick the person's calls. You don't return the calls. You are not nice. You are telling speak the truth. Sometime it's not comfortable now but will be fine. Hallelujah. >> Then number six, that's the second to last thing I'll be talking about is conflict resolution. Handling disagreements God's way. Communication comes to bear a lot because every conflict is settled with communication and it is conflicts that separate

30:09 relationships and marriage is conflict disagreement. So everybody must become a master at handling crisis or handling disagreement because once we are two different people we grew up in two different homes. We have two different sets of upbringing and socialization. We are going to disagree on things. Hey. Hallelujah. Lady pastor said our room is too bright. I mean I like things like you know maybe the air jeans maybe red. So how do we build? We say it should be nude. Hey nude say even our videos in church said they are too bright. I said don't we like bright things? black brides.

30:57 Uh there's going to be disagreements because we are all looking at the same coin from different angles. Someone is looking at the coin from the side. Someone is looking at it from the front. Someone is looking at it from a distance. Someone is looking at it close by. So every disagreement is based on where people are seeing the same issue. There are people who are looking at Fedinad close shot. You realize that he has a lot of beard. But if you are looking at him 500 m away, you realize that you are not sure. All you see is a dark figure. You got what I'm saying? Or maybe Samira, you are seeing a fair figure. You got what I'm saying? Or pastor bright, whatever you will see.

31:43 You will see. Hallelujah. Aha. But we are all looking at the same thing from two different angles. So sometimes people are not wronged because they've disagreed with you. People are not bad because they don't see life the way you see life. People are just people and how they the lenses through which they are looking at life. And that's why patience is needed in relationships because without patience you who are close you know if I have this phone I can read what I'm saying so I can see for clear like sure what it is. someone if I hold this phone now and I say read you struggle. So sometime it takes a while for people to come to terms with what you have come to terms

32:28 with because by your upbringing by your friends by the teachings you are exposed to you are close and there are people who you just have to avoid >> they are also there hallelujah let this don't be there are people who patience won't change anything God say somebody life is not a Nigerian movie >> where you now think that everybody who didn't help you will suffer and you will go to the city and you have a car one day you'll be rich. Life is not played out. There are people who will never become rich. They will remain poor. It's also there. There are some people who patience will not change anything that you suffer with him small. The suffering is longsuffering. >> Hallelujah. It's not shortsuffering. So get ready. You have to be able to tell the difference that they be. No,

33:15 no, no, no. There's no there's no there's no ding. There's nothing like it's going to be like this. Hallelujah. >> You have to learn how to resolve conflicts cuz there will be disagreements. And number one, I've taught about conflict resolution is that know that the person is not your enemy. Too many married people and relationship people take conflict to be like I'm fighting with an enemy. No, the conflict is much easier if it is hard knowing that we are on the same team. Yeah, that I disagree with you but you are not my enemy. You are not my enemy. There is no healthy marriage without opposing views.

34:02 Only marriages where conflict is resolved are referred to as matured marriages. Ephesians 4:26 says that do not let the sun go down on your anger. It means that you can be angry sometimes anger is an emotion that comes right but don't let the sun go on it and it's two weeks and you are still angry you are not wise don't let the sun it means that issues should be resolved that same day I have a friend who said that anytime there is conflict in my marriage I resolve it which means that I call my wife when there's a disagreement I allow some 1 hour to pass and I call her on phone if I'm and say I call on video and we've

34:49 had an agreement before we married that when you see a video call you pick it one thing that happens that when she picks it now she starts laughing like it's not like we've solved the issue but it's it's funny like we are you exchanging words like you are texting on WhatsApp text text text text I messing you are venting one person has to call on video when you call on video it's not are coming to do vibes. No, it's we have to resolve this because sometimes unresolved conflict builds resentment and now you don't have grace for the person. I realize there are people who when they do something you will not overlook it. It's because you've built resentment

35:36 over time. You don't overlook offenses again and that's why when conflicts come try to resolve them quickly. It is not wise for you to go three days angry about an issue three days ago. You are not a Christian and you don't read your Bible. You don't read your Bible. Someone told me yesterday we went for a retreat at Aosu. So we were doing team building exercises. We were talking about confidence. Someone said that there are times you have to descend into the gutter with some people. Do you got what I'm saying? Because there are times that people take you for granted and say be the bigger person. He said someone asked how long can I be the [clears throat] bigger person? How long? There are times that you have to just go into the gutters. That's someone's advice. He said, "I've been taken for granted because I'm always the bigger person.

36:22 I'm always the one who is going to say, "I'm sorry." Um, and some of you there is conflict and someone has come to beg. Then you are making it more difficult. You are now flexing yourself that they should kneel down >> and beg. Sometimes they are not even the one in error but they are matured. You see many times when there is conflict the matured person is the one who rises up. But there are people who enjoy immaturity. You have to grow. Tell your neighbor [music] grow. Will not allow you to be immature and always be the one who come to be begged. Every day there is confidence. Someone has to come and beg you. Then you'll be acting like the book ada will not agree. You are now given condition like bail terms bail bond. Where are the lawyers? This

37:10 bill is set at 2 million Ghana cities for this offense. You see, marriage is between two matured people who are committed to building it. Who are committed to building it. Last time the lady pastor told me, I think last year somewhere, he said, "I'm the only one who has been saying I love you for for some months now." It means that she's been realizing it. Me too. I went to I said I'm the only one who comes when there is conflict and say let's resolve it. Why are you also not the one? I'm tired coming to say let's talk about you to come and tell me so that mean I can flex more. You're not the only one who can be flexing and say oh give me some time. Give me some

37:57 [laughter] hallelujah. >> Hallelujah. >> I'm getting to an end. I'm getting to this end. Sorry. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Address issues early. Don't let silence become resentment. Great marriages are built in how they repair, not in how they avoid conflict. A soft voice can stop a loud fight. Number seven is emotional intelligence. Many people like emotional intelligence. In your communication, you need a lot of emotional intelligence to communicate. Emotional intelligence is about controlling your reactions, not your partner.

38:42 This generation wants to use emotional intelligence to control people. But the wisdom behind emotional intelligence is to control your reactions, not your partner. Hey, hallelujah. Emotional intelligence is understanding feelings yours and that of your spouse and responding with wisdom. Responding with wisdom. That's what emotional intelligence is. Proverbs 16:32 says that he who controls his spirit is mightier than he who takes a city. Yeah. He who conquers it. Your ability to control your emotions, your ability to control how you feel. That's what we are talking about understanding your

39:28 emotions and controlling them not controlling your partner's emotions because the only thing you have control over is your emotions. Hallelujah. Sometimes you don't have control over your own emotions. So how do you now want to control how someone feels and how someone acts? So you realize that the home is better if people can understand their own emotions and control them. Know when to be happy, know when to be sad, know when to communicate, know how when to say something, when not to say something. You realize that the communication becomes better because normally when we are communicating, we are communicating how we are feeling. If I'm telling them to shut the doors, it is the way I feel about the distraction. So much of what we call

40:15 communication is communicating emotions. how we feel about things or how things make us feel. I pray for all of us. These same things I've taught can be applied at your workplace to your siblings. There are siblings that you don't confront in a certain way because you know how they are. Do you go what I'm saying? You have to first understand how people are and this is the last thing I want to talk about right. We spoke about the concept of submission today. You know, the man being the head of the whatever the woman and the Christ the head of the man, right? That's the biblical structure. Women choose your head. Well, >> should I say it again? >> If they gave me a chance to choose heads

41:02 in the boutique of heaven, probably I will not choose this head. I'll choose maybe an Einstein's brain and choose someone's nose and choose someone's head, someone's hair. Maybe I'll have curls, >> jerry curls. Now maybe pastor bride will have beard. >> You know that boys who are using minoxidil to get the way pastor says beard is growing. It's not it doesn't look like the natural growth. Minoxidil induce hair growth. Hey If we were given a chance to choose our bodies, we choose differently. Two of us. Some people still choose. Some of you you say you tell me that you choose your fine you are that secured. We thank we thank God for you. But for those of

41:49 us maybe fed will choose more frontal head. You not grow the hairline will not be going back. Hey pastor said would you add some height? He said small height not not plenty height small height. He said you would have added small height the way I am. I would have added some height >> cubid high so our lady pastor can look up to me. Hallelujah. >> Wow. You were not given a chance to choose many things. You were just given. You are not given a chance to choose your family. You are not given a chance to choose your siblings. Some of you if they gave you a chance, you would choose some siblings. They will not be part of

42:35 the selection. You're not given a chance to choose your tribe. You are not given a chance to choose your your what your parents. You're not given a chance to choose your complexion. You're not given a chance to choose many things. But you've been given a chance to choose your spouse. And for the women, the head that will sit. Don't go and choose an empty head and be complaining oh that men are trash. It is the one you got. >> You got it's the one you chose. He don't generalize the thing that all women are some way say this new age this whatever. Yesterday someone told me something that shocked me. It shocked me but the person said it. >> Yes. The person said that maybe I we

43:21 should have just married teachers. You know what I'm saying? my teachers, not these people who are thinking they coequal with us. Hey. Ah, it's mindset. It's mindset. But it's real. It's people say all these women empower, they've gone to school, they sit in class with you, they are your age. Someone say you have to be older than your wife, 6 years or more. >> If she doesn't respect you as a husband, she respect you as a big brother. >> You have to bring some respect to this house. >> Like I grow past you. Hey, >> but you see, you can be so easy to judge what the person is saying, but you don't know the person's experience. You don't know what has brought the person to that place when it feels like I should have been older than my wife. Oh, this look

44:08 like we are classmates here and we are whatever the house is like. No, it's his experience. >> Hallelujah. >> Listen, you have the chance to choose. Those who have chosen already, Henry, myself, Tali, we are in already. They are David where is he? Ah David is at the back. Those of you who are yet to choose choose well all these teachings we are doing is because you know don't just follow and do a social media marriage. >> The pictures nobody shares even my wedding pictures again. It was trending at the time. Many of you won't have trending marriages. Weddings it won't trend. Let me just tell you at once. It won't trend. Nobody. It won't be it

44:53 won't be on anywhere. But you see, people are still marrying for social media. It's it's vain. All those 500,000 people, they've not visited us at home. They they don't know where we live. They don't care about us. They don't pay bills in my house. At the end of the day, it's what I got is what I'm living with. Is a kindness I'm living with. It's me. I'm married. See, you are marrying for yourself. Don't marry for your friends. a husband and your friends will clap for wow your husband they pop really or your wife is beautiful sometimes your wife is beautiful to everyone in the world but she's a little beast >> to you so before you choose remember it's a lifelong journey it helps when

45:40 you are on a journey with someone you like it helps tell the journey helps and if you're in a car with someone you don't like bro it's a long ride. It's a long ride. It's a long ride. So, God help us all. Be on your feet with me. God, help us all. Be on your feet with me. How many people want to deal with anger, you want to deal with certain emotions in your life, whatever it is, please for the next one minute, I want us to pray that God help us communicate better. Help us communicate better. Those of you who are yet to marry, pray that God will send someone who weathers the storm. Someone who calms the storm. Someone who speaks,

46:26 their words are seasoned with with grace, their words are seasoned with salt. Someone who is not offensive with their words. There are people when they insult you, it pains. There are people who can hurt you with their words. I want to pray that God will help us. God will help us mature. God will help us improve in the name of Jesus. Come on, lift up your voice. I want to hear you pray. I want to hear you pray. Lift up your voice. Say, "God, help our marriages." There are marriages that two people who once love themselves don't talk anymore. Some of your parents don't speak to each other. Sometimes the communication is just direct direct. Have you eaten? Yes. No. Yes. No. These were people who love themselves before. Pray for married couples who are struggling.

47:12 Pray for relationships that are virtually almost dead. Pray that God will restore marriages where communication is down. Oh father in the name of Jesus. Father in the name of Jesus, we commit our relationships, our marriages, our unions, [music] our marriages. Oh God, before you we pray for struggling marriages, struggling relationships that you, oh God, would restore peace in those homes, in the marriages of people who are standing here, parents who are divorced, parents who are almost at the point of divorce, marriages that have become estranged. In the name of Jesus, we pray that peace will prevail in the middle of that storm. Peace will prevail in the name of Jesus Christ. In the name of Jesus Christ. In the name of Jesus

47:59 Christ we pray. Amen. >> Oh hallelujah. Amen. >> Thank you for listening to the sermons of Reverend Dr. Albert Agby. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @ edify church life. Listen to more of his sermons on our telegram at edify sermons and edify church Spotify platforms. Thanks for being a part of our Edify church family. Be blessed by this word of God.