Effective Advocacy in Foster Care; Advocating in My Role as a Resource Parent

0:06 Um, so I want to introduce you guys tonight to my friend and colleague Melissa Nordon. Uh, Melissa is from Methodist Home for Children. Uh, she has worked in foster care and she, uh, is now in staff development. Melissa is going to bring to you today um advocating in your role as a foster parent resource parent. So that's what we'll be spending the next hour is really looking at your role in advocating. So Melissa, I will pass it off to you. >> Great. Thank you. So I am going to pull up my presentation and then I'll introduce myself. Erica, I might ask for your feedback just to make sure everything looks right on on uh on your end.

0:54 Okay, let's see. All right. All right. So, does that look about right? >> Yep, I'm seeing your slideshow. >> Okay, perfect. >> Um, so yes, hi everyone. I'm very excited to be here. Um, again, my name is Melissa Styac. Um I am a recruitment training specialist uh with Methodist Home for Children. Um and I have worked in the um I guess child welfare industry. Um uh basically since coming out of college, I've worked with Methodist Home for Children. Um done my long-term career here. I started working in our residential programs um in group

1:42 homes. Um, essentially when I um trained foster parents, I would always kind of be like, it was kind of like foster parenting except for I got to go home after three days of being in a in a home um you know, raising kids um helping to raise kids that weren't necessarily mine um in that residential setting. And then um back in uh 2015, I switched over into our foster care department. Um that was always um something that was very close and personal to my heart. Um and worked as a foster care specialist and licensing and did licensing and training for about 12 years. Um and then back in 2022 I switched to staff recruitment and training um after having kids of my own. Um but uh I think this the topic of this training came up um last year. Eric and I just happened to meet at an uh at an

2:30 event where we crossed paths and um I talked to her um just because I had gone through um some of my own personal um experiences with having to advocate for my own children. Um, I have spent, you know, about 12 years again working in child welfare, always having had the experience of advocating um for kids that I I worked for and I worked with um that were in foster care um and in the care of others. And then um suddenly I find myself with grade school kids of my own and having to advocate um for them as well um but also maintaining connections with foster families um and just speaking with them about the challenges that they encounter every day and um just really felt that advocacy um is a really important tool that I

3:15 feel like everybody needs to have in their tool belt. Um, and so, um, when she and I talked, um, she asked if I'd be interested in in sharing some thoughts on, um, on on effective advocacy and foster care. Um, and I was more than happy to do so. So, I am excited to be here. Um, again, happy to answer any questions. I think Erica's going to be monitoring the Q&A box if you do have any questions for me. Um, but I'm just going to kind of go and go ahead and get started and jump right in. Um, so yes. So today again, what we're going to be talking about is advocating um in foster care um and how we advocate and do it in a way that's effective um but also understanding our role as the resource parent as the caregiver um

4:01 amongst the team and how that comes into play when we are advocating and what our role is um when when that happens. So um hopefully by the end of the day we will have talked about what exactly advocacy is in the context of foster care. Um we'll talk about this is this will be a review essentially for everyone. Um I know we probably have a mix of new parents um veteran parents um that um are attending the webinar. Um, but we'll just talk about key stakeholders, review them really quickly. Um, and so that we can kind of again just have a recap of everybody's role and and what their responsibilities are to the team and to the child. I also want to talk about so once we've identified all of the key stakeholders

4:47 involved in a kiddos's team I also want to talk about um common challenges that we have when it comes to advocating effectively for kids and common challenges that we have when working collaboratively as a team um and how to identify when we need to advocate what that should look like and when there's occasions where sometimes um we have to push a little farther and just um when push back might be a little appropriate in specific situations. Um and then lastly, just kind of discussing dynamics, tools, and strategies for how to communicate effectively as a team member um while maintaining professionalism and working with a team. Um because that's always kind of a challenge.

5:35 So, what is advocacy exactly? So, if you guys take a minute to to to think of what that has looked like for you, I'm going to give you the definition um that I came up with specific to what does that look like in foster care. And so in foster care, advocacy in the context of foster care is the active and informed process of championing championing a child's safety, permanency, and well-being by ensuring that the child's rights, needs, and best interests are being heard, understood, and acted upon within the complex system that is foster care. Right? So for some of you, as you guys were reflecting on what does that look like for you? Um, for some of you that

6:21 might have included speaking up um, for a kid um, when you've noticed that a child maybe had um, a speech delay and saying, "Hey, I I feel like we should, you know, at this age we should be knowing more words. Maybe we should have an evaluation. Is that something that we can look at getting um, hey, this kiddo um, in my home would really love to have more visitation with with parents and um, I know visitation has to be supervised. um at what point is it appropriate for you know for us to have a conversation as to what that looks like and can I play a part in that right so for many of you advocacy has looked differently you've had to ask um for many different things um but at the end of the day whatever you are advocating

7:08 for has always been to or it is and should always be to ensure that a child is safe um to ensure a child's permanency and well-being um that if a child has concerns or needs that that have to be met that we are doing our best to make sure that everybody hears it and um that we are speaking up for that, right? Um and why is that important? You know, who's responsible for that? Let's see. Here we go. So, who is responsible? Well, as you guys know, um there's a lot of parties involved when it comes to um who is involved on a child's team, right? Um again, I know some of you maybe are newer to fostering

7:55 um or providing kinship care for your relatives. Um and some of you have may have been doing so for for quite some time. Um, and this is just generally a review, but I kind of want I feel like it's important to have an understanding of who has a part to play at the table, right? Um, because the most important part of advocacy is really being able to collaborate and work with a team, right? Um, and so to do that, we kind of have to understand each role and what the responsibilities are for each person on the team. So first um you guys are most familiar with this role I assume. So the foster and kinship parent role and so as a foster kinship parent um essentially what your role is is providing daily

8:42 care, supervision, emotional support to the child, observing kids needs and progress in real time. Uh communicating concerns, so any concerns that you're seeing come up with a kid in the home, making sure you're communicating that to the team. Um, and if you identify a need that a child may have, maybe you seem maybe this kid could benefit from speech services, maybe this kid could benefit from an IEP evaluation at school, um, you know, advocating for those services and bringing it to the attention of the team, um, is important. Um, and then just in general providing that stability and well-being to the child for their everyday and day-to-day needs. um birth parents uh is who I listed next. So

9:27 birth parents are the biological natural family members. Um and so in foster care, I think one thing that's important to recognize is that um birth parents do retain legal rights um to their children who are in care. So, they may not um uh retain necessarily custody of the child because custody has been taken by the DSS um the county, the social worker. Um but parents do still, even though they do not have physical custody, they do have legal rights um to their kids unless those rights have been terminated um by the county. Um and I will identify which parties do have um legal rights and and authority. Um but one thing I

10:12 really want to express and emphasize is that um not having legal authority does not mean that your role is not important. So as a foster parent, as a kinship parent, um legal authority is not necessarily something that you have. Um but it doesn't again it doesn't mean that your role is unimportant or that it doesn't matter. It just means that your power um is exercised differently, right? Um than somebody who has the legal responsibility for the child. So um instead of making the legal decisions um that sometimes have to be made for kids, instead your power lies in documenting your concerns, communicating your concerns, um if you're still having

11:00 concerns once you've communicated those, how to escalate those concerns to the appropriate party. Right? So um so again not having legal rights um to a child that's in your care doesn't mean that again your role is less important. Um it just means that you exercise your power and voice differently um sometimes. So um DSS social worker um naturally the DSS social worker um is the person and the individual in the county that holds legal custody in most foster care cases. Um so the DSS social worker um generally is responsible for overseeing the case plan for the child as well as the family um and making sure that they are arranging services not just for the child but also um the birth or natural family who's working on getting their

11:47 child back home right um so DSS social worker they're responsible for making placement and service recommendations they report to the court and essentially just um ensure or that they are in compliance with policy. Um that families are in compliance with policies and procedures and things of that nature. Um do they have um legal power? Yes, they do. Um child placement agency if it's if it is applicable. Right. So, if you are a licensed foster parent through a child placement agency like um like Methodist Home for Children for instance, um the the the role of the child placement agency is really to act as an additional support. Um we uh as a child placement

12:34 agency, what what they do is they license and train the foster families. They're there as a just an additional support for a foster parent or kinship parent who's providing care for their kiddos. Um they provide training, monitoring, crisis support. So um you know for families who've never parented before and are managing a behavior that you're not familiar with, they're there to kind of bounce ideas off of get feedback from. I'm not sure how to handle this, right? So they're just there as that extra layer of support um between the social worker to kind of um help with the day-to-day needs. Um they're also there to advocate for the child and for the foster family. Um, so it is the child placement agency to also advocate uh for foster parents um and

13:21 and be able to um speak for them as well as speak for the child um and help the families and foster families kind of navigate system barriers and um sometimes escalate concerns if need be. The guardian admitteum um so that's the GAL. Um, generally the GA that's a volunteer program. Um, and that individual who's been assigned to the team represents the child in court. Um, they don't have any legal authority or responsibility over the child, but they are responsible for meeting with the child, knowing the child's case, and making recommendations to the court in the child's best interest. Um, and they are able to raise concerns independently of DSS.

14:06 Um the judge ultimately that is the person who makes all legal decisions about custody, placement, permanency. Um the judge is responsible for reviewing compliance. Um making sure that DSS is moving um in the appropriate timelines, making sure that the appropriate services are being um put in place for kids and for families. Um and the judge is responsible for listening to all the parties, right? and kind of weigh recommendations from the DSS as well as um birth family as well as GAL. Um then we have mental health providers, right? So that could be therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. Um their role is to assess trauma, attachment, behavioral mental health needs that a

14:52 kid may have um to kind of help them process whatever it is that they're going through, right? um they can provide and they should um whenever their services are being being utilized, right? They provide their responsibility is to provide treatment recommendations for kids um and progress on those recommendations um whenever that service has been started. medical providers that could be pediatricians dentists um you know um individuals like that. Again, they are able to have a voice on the team. Um and they are able to advise and provide feedback on the child's case to only on subjects to which their expertise speaks, right? Um and then

15:38 there's a school-based team. So that could be teacher, school counselor, psychologists, special education teams. um special education coordinator, intervention coordinators at school. Um those parties who can um also they bring a perspective to the table that is important. Um and then lastly um if your child um that's placed in your home has any sort of developmental or intervention services um that could be things like speech therapy, occupational therapy, um early childhood interventionists, um things like that. So, um, essentially those are just a list of of parties, uh, that I put together to kind of just give you an outline of a full service

16:24 provider landscape that you might see, um, people coming in and out on a child's team and what their roles are. And again, um, you know, what their authority is as far as legal responsibility and what rights they have. um and um just kind of want to have a a general idea of that. So, but now that we've done that and now that we know who is who, um I want to talk about why the role of the resource parent. So, you as the foster parent, as the kinship caregiver, as the resource parent, and even if you're attending today as um a representative as from a child placement agency, um what why is your role so important? So primarily resource parent, why is your role so important? Um well the truth of

17:10 the matter is is that you are with the kids and you every single day of their lives, right? You are their caregivers. Um which makes you a key important player to the team, right? And that is because generally you know the child best, right? You are seeing their strengths every day. You're seeing their needs. You're seeing the struggles that they're having. Um, and you're the closest and most consistent adult in a child's life every day, right? And so that means that because you're with them every day, you kind of see changes in behavior, changes in mood, changes in appetite, right? Any sort of academic struggle struggles that kids might be having um that sometimes require us to

17:57 speak up, right? So, we can see those changes that someone like um even when I was a foster care specialist, I may not have seen um because I'm not necessarily in the home every day um or the social worker may not see every day because they're not in the home every day and see what the child is struggling with um on homework every afternoon when they're coming home from school, right? Um so, as the primary caregiver, that makes you a top key player um when it comes to advocating for kids in care. And it is so important um that we can feel as caregivers and as resource parents I it is vitally important that you feel empowered to advocate for your kids because again um you know these kids

18:42 best. They're in your home and um as their caregiver, you know, it's you should feel empowered to to be able to speak to their needs and and advocate to get them what they need it what they need. um whenever those needs need to be met. So before we talk about the best ways to advocate for kids in care, I want to talk about some common challenges and barriers that we can encounter um in foster care. So again, um when we're advocating in foster care, advocacy kind of seems easy, right? Um it's easy as as a caregiver raising my own children to say, "Yeah, if my kids have a need, I'm going to express that need and I'm going to make sure I tell everybody, right?"

19:29 Um but the complexity of the foster care system es especially when you are not necessarily the sole decision maker or the ultimate decision-m um person um on the team um that can create some challenges and barriers um and just in general um you know um when we're working with a team right um you know if I were a single parent I'm this sole decision maker whereas if I'm you know parenting with my husband and my partner um you know his opinion matters too, right? So we have to let that come into play. And so naturally when working with a large team because kids come with a huge you know entourage we want to make sure that we kind of understand the challenges and barriers that we encounter when working with a team. Um but first communication gaps, right? Um

20:18 challenges obviously arise when there are communication breakdowns between the key players on a kid's team. Um so sometimes that leads to misunderstandings about the child's needs, delays. We all know that unclear communication between everyone on the team can really or lack of communication. So if we're not talking to each other, if we're not sharing information, that can really hinder access to services for kids um and delay services um and delay the start of services. So when when communication is unclear, that creates some real barriers. The good thing about that though is that there is a lot that we can do to kind of resolve those those issues. Um there's things that we can do to help with that. Um and we'll talk

21:05 more about how to address some of these challenges and barriers here in a little bit. Um next we want to talk about power dynamics. Um are power dynamics going to impact whether or not we choose to advocate how we advocate? Absolutely. Right. Um sometimes when there's lack of clarity regarding professional roles and responsibilities um as well as sometimes when we confuse ad you know authority somebody's authority with it with expertise that can sometimes lead to inaction or hesitation when it comes to advocacy in general. Um and and firstly, you know, when we talk about and that's why I reviewed professional roles, you know, and

21:51 responsibilities of each team member, right? Um because when those roles are confused or if we're not sure who's supposed to be doing what, it often creates, I'm sure you guys have heard of like a bystander effect, right? um where role confusion kind of leads to an action and somebody says, "Oh, well that's not my job. You know, that's the social worker's job to set up services, right? Or somebody else on the team is supposed to handle that." Um I've brought I've brought the the need to everyone's attention and so now it's somebody else's job to do something about it, right? Um so whenever there's role confusion um that kind of means that the needs of children may fall through the cracks right because um we as a team are able

22:37 to identify the needs um but sometimes if we don't know who's supposed to be doing what things don't we don't act on them right um no action gets taken because we don't we don't know where where we stand or what we're supposed to be doing. Um, and so this could be, um, for instance, um, if a foster parent, um, as the foster parent, if I notice that a child that's placed in my home seems to not be working on grade level, they've started school and I notice um, this kiddo seems to have some learning disabilities, you know, potentially. Um, I'm an expert, but something's not quite right and um, they should be able to do this work and they're not able to do this work. and I've noticed that they're not quite reading on grade level. So, if I notice

23:24 these things, um, but I don't request an evaluation or I don't mention it to the team, um, you know, that can kind of fall through the cracks, right? That's when we're not recognizing that we do have the authority to say, "Hey, I've noticed that this kid has a need. Um, this is what it looks like, right?" Um, so here's the thing. Um, as a foster parent, as a caregiver, as the kinship caregiver, as a foster parent, you always have the authority to speak to what you feel is in the best interest of the child, right? So, you always have the authority to share the needs that you are seeing that your child has, right? You always have the authority to make suggestions on how you

24:09 think things might be helpful. Um, so you you always have the authority to to try to be helpful, make suggestions on how to to address the issue. And you always have the authority as the caregiver to ask questions for clarity when you don't understand how a process works, right? Um, or what's supposed to happen next or who's supposed to do what next, right? So, you always have the authority to ask to get that clarity. Um, because you want to be the best advocate you can, right? And part of doing that is knowing, okay, what what am I supposed to do, right? Um sometimes also when it comes to power dynamics, another thing that we can kind of um inhibit our ability to um choose to advocate, I guess, is sometimes when

24:56 we're confusing authority for expertise, right? Sometimes that's sometimes that's not always the case, right? we might have um an authority, somebody that's an authority um but may not be an expert in something, right? Um so that's sometimes when we make assump assumptions. Um and I think that this happens a lot of times when we are new foster parents or even new foster care specialists or social workers, right? Um you might have a social worker who does this job, but maybe they're new to the field, right? they um may have a different um professional background that they're coming from. And so sometimes um what we do is that we um sometimes mistake that a person that's

25:42 in this position should know, right? Um and we think that this person is the expert. Um but that's not necessarily always the case. Um and you know this can happen. And um I think kind of an example of this would be um so for those of you who have um done therapeutic foster care, right? You've had a kid come into your care, a kid gets placed in your home and we're starting to notice some behavioral challenges, some mental health dynamics that kind of make parenting a little bit more difficult, right? Um you know, um it makes the child functioning. child starts having difficulty functioning not

26:27 just in the foster home environment but also in the school environment. And so as a team perhaps myself as the parent um the child placement agency, the social worker and the GAL, we've all said, "Yeah, maybe it's time that we um talk to the therapist about having this child be um transitioned from family foster care to therapeutic foster care because maybe they require more supervision. the parents need more support um um more feedback and things um from their worker. And so we might say, "Okay, so we're going to go to the therapist and say, "Hey, you know, we want you to um do an evaluation um and do an assessment um to see if therapeutic foster care is an appropriate um

27:16 appropriate service for this child, right?" And so we may go to the therapist and expect them to do this evaluation, but that therapist may not may or may not have experience with what therapeutic foster care is. Um this is something that I've had personal experience with um where the um where I've worked with a a family who has said, you know, the therapist said, you know, I think we should just really um yes, this kid is struggling in the home. They are struggling in school. they are struggling with their relationships with peers, but why don't we just increase um you know, let's not I don't want to recommend therapeutic foster care. Let's let's talk about increasing our sessions, right? And maybe that hasn't been effective. Um and it could be that maybe again the therapist just doesn't have the knowledge or the expertise

28:04 of what therapeutic foster care is. And so sometimes it's just um a child placement agency having a conversation. Well, let's talk about um let's talk about, you know, what therapeutic foster care is and what that just means for the family, for the child, and what services that they'll they'll be receiving. Um I hope that that example kind of makes sense. Um but yes, so sometimes um we may mistake sometimes expertise and think that somebody's an expert on something just because we think that oh, they should be familiar with it, right? Um but that's not always necessarily the case. Um, and then lastly, um, when we're not certain about what our roles are and what responsibilities lie with whom, sometimes we just worry. Um, if you're anything like me, about overstepping,

28:50 right? That's, um, a concern sometimes, like I I want to we sometimes hear the phrase like stay in your lane, right? Um, we don't want to overstep. We don't want to offend anybody. Um, so sometimes when we um when our responsibilities are confused and we're not really sure what authority we do have, um, it impacts whether or not we choose to speak up, right? Um, so for instance, you know, and depending on what your experiences are, um, I remember I once had a family who was given some feedback about, you know, taking a child, um, to get a haircut without asking permission. Um, which can sometimes be, you know, a hot topic. Um, some of you may or may not have experienced that. Um, but this foster family, they did get

29:37 some pretty intense feedback um, from the social worker about that. And I think in that moment um the foster parent mistook that feedback as that's not your place um to do which it it is that should be something that is consulted with the biological family you know the social worker um we can't just make decisions and then do them without consulting the team. Um but just because I've been given feedback that I can't act on it doesn't mean that I don't still have the authority to speak to what this child needs. Hey, this kiddo is saying that um during school they're having to brush their hair out of their face. So um when they're trying to do work it's getting, you know, getting in their face and it's distracting. They've been asking for a haircut. Is it okay if

30:22 I, you know, if I do that? Right? So sometimes if we've gotten an intense corrective feedback, sometimes that can kind of be a little scary and intimidating. So we don't want to cross any boundaries or overstep. Um um but at the end of the day ultimately if you notice a need it is your responsibility to still share that with the team. Um and so I don't want you to hesitate um even if you haven't given feedback about not taking action just being able to make that differentiation. Does that make sense? I hope so. Um lack of resources. So sometimes a lack of information just in general just keeps us from being able to speak up. If we don't feel like

31:08 we have the knowledge to speak on something, if we've never dealt with this situation before, um or if there's a lack of resources available to us, that really impacts our ability to advocate effectively, right? Um because we don't know what to say, how to say it, where to go about getting help, who to ask for help, that kind of thing, right? So, um, and sometimes in those cases when we don't have the information, what we're doing is trusting that the people who we believe are in those authoritative roles are giving us the correct information. Um, which we've already talked about. Sometimes that's not necessarily always the case. Um um but you know when we lack the resources and we lack information sometimes we just have to have a fall back on just

31:54 trusting that what they're saying is the right information right so misaligned goals I know that nobody has ever experienced this right just kidding um so yeah we know when we are working with a big team a huge um a huge challenge when working with a large team is that when lots of people are at the table lots lots of people have their own thoughts and opinions, right? So, when folks come to the table with various goals in mind, that can sometimes weaken advocacy and sometimes weaken our ability to move things along quickly when a child has a need, right? Um, so first things first, I do want to say that when it comes to advoc advocacy in

32:40 foster care, right? And this is from any team member, right? It's rarely about whether or not the team member cares about kids or not. Um that's generally not in question, right? Um so generally most social workers who get into this field, they get into it because they want to have a positive impact. They want to help children. They want to help families. Um same with um you know private agency foster care workers, foster parents who do this job. Um, parenting is a thankless job. You know, you're doing it because you want to to do well, right? You want to make a difference in the lives of kids and families who are experiencing adversity, right? So, the question isn't whether folks care about kids, right? Um, most

33:27 providers, social workers, and foster parents again get into this work because they want to help, right? Um but sometimes more often what the problem is and where we encounter problems is that what is being prioritized amongst each party is doesn't always line up right and so that's generally a systemic issue rather than any individual team member's fail personal failure right um so it doesn't mean that anybody is acting in bad faith um or that um they don't have the child's best interests at heart um it's just that the reality real is is that when we are working with foster kids and working with kids in foster care, foster care is a very complex system that has layers

34:13 and layers and layers of somebody has to approve X Y and Z and there's a process for this and in order to get that service we have to try X Y and Z first, right? Um, and so more often it's about what we're being asked to prioritize and those priorities don't always line up. And systems generally prioritize timelines and compliance and case load management and other things that as the caregiver we don't think is really important. When I have a kid that doesn't know how to do their homework, um, those things seem inconsequential, right? Um, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes, you know, those things they they do exist and and it is

35:00 it is a system and it does require sometimes hoops to jump through. Um, and while we don't sometimes as the caregiver see those things as important when we're advocating for our kids in real time, um, honestly, sometimes it's really important for us as the caregiver to reflect that those laws, timelines, policies, they were all really created for a reason. Um and it is important that they exist. Um and sometimes that is why um service providers are kind of bound within certain limitations, right? Um and what they prioritize sometimes um when we don't necessarily always understand what that what that is or why. Um, and so when those priorities aren't

35:46 always lined up between the team members, that can create barriers and hurdles to getting services in place for kids, right? Um, and then lastly, in addition to Miss Langlo's last thing that I had was emotional strain, right? Parenting in general, taking care of kids, it's hard. Um, I am the parent um of a an eight-year-old, a very um spirited eight-year-old and a uh very spunky uh three going on four-year-old. And it's hard. I make a lot of jokes u when I used to train MAP um and pre-ervice training that in 2018 I became a parent and two major things happened to me that that year. Not only did I become a parent, but I also bought

36:32 a car. And when I had my baby, I left the hospital. They gave me some leaflets and basically told me good luck, right? Um but when I bought my car, they gave me a manual. Like there's this whole book, right? Um parenting is hard in general. As parents, we all always wondering, are we doing it right? Did I say the right thing? Did I do the right thing? Do I let my kid figure this out on their own? Do I help them with this? Right? We're always as parents always kind of questioning are we doing it right? It's hard. There's no there's no um there's no instruction manual for it. Right? So that in itself parenting in general difficult. But when it comes to foster parenting, not only

37:17 are you parenting and experiencing all of those same insecurities, emotional strains between balancing kid behavior with also having a full-time job and um having to get everybody to their appointments and things like that. Not only are you are you experiencing those things, but you have the added complexity of working with kids that have extra needs, right? kids that have trauma, kids that have um other life experiences that make parenting even more difficult on top of that. And in addition to that, kids that have more sometimes service needs. So, kids that need PT, OT, speech therapy, um medication management services, right? Um they have visitation with their

38:04 biological families. um they you have to maintain those relationships, right? And at the end of the day, um you're having to do all of that. And unlike a natural or biological parent who has all of the decision-making power, you're not the sole or ultimate decision-m decision-m person in the case, right? Or right, in the situation. And that is so hard like that. I commend each and every one of you as a kinship um parent or caregiver, as a foster parent. Um you are parenting times 10, right? Um not only

38:50 are you doing all the hard things that are involved in parenting, but you're doing it um while having to jump jump through hoops and um you know, navigate a system that is is hard. Um, it's harder than just as a parent and me being a a biological parent with all of the legal authority for my kids saying, "Yeah, I'm going to sign my kid up for therapy. I think my kids need therapy, so I'm going to do it." Um, and as the foster parent, as a kinship caregiver, um, you know, you're going to have to bring that to the team and the team's going to have to prove it and somebody's going to have to take it to their supervisor and, um, and that's hard. And, um, it's it's wonderful, wonderful things that you guys are doing. um when it comes to advocating for kids. But um in addition

39:36 um when we are experiencing that emotional strain um it's personal, right? It sometimes becomes personal because this child is in our care. We love them. We care about them. We're trying to raise them. We want what's in their best interests and we need that now, right? We want their needs to be met now. Um so sometimes we as the caregivers have a greater sense of urgency in general. Um and so emot emotional investment is important. We want you to be um emotionally invested in advocating for this kid, but while also being mindful um that when advocacy is needed, sometimes the how and the how you're advocating um how you're advocating that message is super important. Um right, because when stress is high and when it feels personal for

40:23 us, our tone can shift. Um and so that's something that we just need to be mindful of. Um because sometimes when we are expressing those concerns and if we are feeling emotional because we're taking on all of the stress, right? Um the downside is that sometimes we can seem, you know, um too attached or biased or overly emotional about it. Um, and so we don't want our concerns to be dismissed because the way that we present our concerns comes across as too much or too emotional, right? Um, so strong emotions, they strengthen your advocacy. Um, but sometimes you just have to translate your emotions into a way that the system kind of understands the message that you're trying to communicate.

41:10 So, now that we've identified all of the barriers and potential challenges that you have when it comes to advocating, how do we do it the right way? That's what's next, right? Um, so here's the crucial steps to advocating effectively. First and foremost, be informed. The first step to being able to be a good advocate for your kids is to be grounded in their case, to be grounded in in information. Um before raising any concerns, just making sure that you're familiar with your child's case plan, um court orders, existing referrals that have already been made. Um and if you're not sure of information about kids whenever they're coming into care, ask. Um and when we're asking, just make sure that when we are doing that, it comes across as um that

41:58 you're asking questions to gain clarity, not necessarily intent. Um, so when you have a kid that's being placed in your home, hey, I've noticed um in the referral that it said that Jimmy had some speech delays and that that's been identified. Has there been any steps to get that service started for him or or are is that the plan? Like what what's going to happen with it? Right. Um, so be informed. Um, generally that's pretty easy to do because you're living with the kids in and out every day. Um, you know them best, right? So, but in addition to just knowing them, knowing their case plan, knowing um knowing court orders, their rights, um things like that, it's going to be important when it when it comes to

42:43 advocating for them. Document concerns. So, um when you've worked long enough in this field, um sometimes you might hear um workers in this field, child welfare workers say that if it wasn't documented, it didn't happen, right? um that's kind of like a a philosophy that we live by um when we work in this field is that um we need to be making sure that we're documenting everything, right? So when we have concerns um it is really important that we start documenting those concerns right away. So, make sure that you're when you're observing concerns, documenting, making like observing patterns, um any kind of connections that you're seeing in terms of behavior patterns. Um it's

43:30 more effective than sharing behaviors that come off, you know, oneoff here and there. Um just because a pattern um speaks to a need, right? Um, and so when we document that, um, not to say that we have to report to the team every time that there's a behavior, but if we're meeting on the 15th of the month, I'm going to spend the 1st through the 14th writing down certain patterns and behavior that I've seen, if I feel that there's a need that this child has, right? So, I'm going to start documenting those concerns. um communicating clearly. Advocacy first and foremost it begins again with collaboration. That's why I started this whole presentation on understanding

44:16 who's a part of a team because team collaboration is super important and it's important that when we are working with a team that we are communicating clearly. Um and when we are communicating we want to make sure that we're communicating our concerns um professionally as well. Um we always want to be forthcoming with information. Um, so we don't want to wait for breaking points. If we are experiencing challenges or if we notice that a kid has a need early on, we don't want to hold that in and not say anything until the need has become so great that we just can't handle it anymore. Right? So, we want to make sure that when we are struggling or if we see a kid struggling um that we communicate a child's needs as soon as we possibly can, right? And communicate it to everybody. Um, and we

45:04 can kind of eliminate any sort of communication barriers by being thorough whenever we are asking questions. So, I I already said as the foster parent, as a kinship caregiver, you do have the authority to always ask questions if you don't understand something. Um, so make sure that you're notifying everybody on the team of any challenges and needs that your child is experiencing. If there's a lack of clarity, ask. If you don't understand a process, ask. If something requires followup, make sure that you're asking who's going to be whose job is it to do that, right? Um, so if there Yeah. If there's something that you just don't understand, make sure that you're asking. Um, and if and even if it means like, I need you to

45:50 break that down. I'm I'm new as a foster parent. I haven't encountered I've never worked with, you know, a child who needed an IEP. Can you explain how this process works? What does that look like? That kind of thing. Um for me whenever I was um working in the field right as a foster care specialist at the end of every meeting I would always end that meeting and even personally as a as a parent. Um so I have a my oldest child is in the second grade. Um I'm currently going through the IEP process right now with her and trying to get her an IEP. Um and at the end of every meeting um it probably drives everybody crazy but I'm like let's just recap what we talked about. So these are the things that we're going to get set up for this kid, right? Um so we want to make sure I at the end of every meeting I want to make

46:36 sure that I have clarity. I want to know what needs to happen. Who's responsible for completing that action? When does it need to be done by? Um and are you going to notify me once it's done or is it my job to notify you or am I supposed to be checking in? Right? So ask questions, communicate clearly, ask questions. um make sure that everybody's on the same page. Remain child focused. Um so this is really important when advocating for kids and care because when advocacy presents as child centered it is it is more effective than when it comes across as caregiver opinion. Right? Um, so in

47:22 order to present advocacy message messages that are child- centered, sometimes we just have to make sure that we are expressing concerns in a way that is focused on the child, right? Um, we want to stay focused on this. This is important for the child's safety. This is important for the child's well-being, permanency, stability, for their developmental and emotional needs um that they have. Right? So, we want to remain child focused and keep the conversation focused on what we're advocating for and why it's important for the kid and their well-being, right? Um because when we do that, when we remain child focused, it keeps the conversation on the well-being of the kid. Um not the disagreements

48:08 between the adults who, well, I don't think that's necessary, you know, I do, you know, that kind of conversation. So it keeps the conversation entirely child-focused. Um when we are able to frame our concerns in that way. Um again framing concerns focused entirely on the child and their well-being and how the child is impacted. And sometimes we need to be mindful also of the way that we're delivering our messages. Um because sometimes when we're experiencing challenges in the home, it's personal, right? We talk about how parenting can be personal and we need to be mindful that um the system doesn't always respond quickly

48:55 to an emotional need that I have as a parent, right? Um the system exists to meet the need um for kids. And so when we are phrasing concerns, it's really important that we remain child-focused um and expressing those concerns um out of concern for the child as opposed to out of our frustration, if that makes sense. Um not to say that we have to stop feeling or anything like that, but an example when we are say when we feel that a child maybe is in need of therapy, right? Because we've been at as a teen, we've been talking about how therapy would be important. It would be so great, right? If I come to a team meeting and I'm expressing frustration because there's no therapy in place and

49:42 I come across saying this child is just every day it's a meltdown. Every day it's behaviors and whining and crying and and she's having fits that last for an hour, right? That is not as effective because it comes off as a caregiver concern, right? But when I present the message as I've noticed over the last few weeks that this kiddo is really having some big feelings, some real big emotions um to me that are suggested that she's really struggling with trauma that she's experienced from being displaced from the homes. Um you know I've you know learned about trauma in training and um these are the behaviors that she's having. Um and it's making it difficult

50:29 for her. It's impacting her friendships. It's impacting her ability to perform and focus in class. It's impacting her ability to function enjoyably in the family, right? And so we want to address that. We want her to be successful in school. We want her to be successful in the home, in her friendships. And this is why therapy is important because we want to help her learn to regulate her emotions and these big feelings that she has um so that she can heal, right? Um and so that we can address this need. Um so sometimes, um we just need to be mindful that when we're expressing our concerns and expressing and advocating for a child's needs that we're doing it in a way that we're

51:16 adjusting our language in a way that the system understands um and in a way that the system is forced to respond to. And what what the system is forced to respond to is when a child's welfare, safety, stability are all at risk, right? So we they you know they have to you know respond to those things. And so if we have concerns that the well-being of a child is being impacted um for certain things and and we feel that a service is in could address this issue um just framing it in that way. Does that make sense? I hope so. I keep asking rhetorical questions um and I forget that it's not not really a chat. But um next we want to make sure that we're asking questions. Again, I talked already about the importance of

52:02 clear communication. Um and if something is not clear to you, it is absolutely always okay to ask. Um one thing to remember when you're asking questions though is that being curious opens doors. confrontation can close them, right? So, when we frame our questions, we want to make sure that it's best to frame those in a way that isn't accusatory. Like, um, so why hasn't anybody made a move on this? We've been talking about setting up therapy for months and it's still not done. Why is that? That kind of comes off as accusatory, right? And so, we want to make sure that we are being mindful of the way that we are asking questions, too. Um, because the way that we ask questions

52:47 matters, right? Um, so as opposed to saying, "Why hasn't this happened yet?" Saying, "Hey, um, I know that this has been something that we've discussed in the past, getting therapy set up, it hasn't happened yet. What are the barriers to getting that started? Um, is there something that I can personally do to help? I have some free time on Fridays. I'm happy to look up therapists. If it's a matter of calling, asking if these therapists in this area take insurance, you know, I have some time to do that, right? ask questions before making demands or or sounding accusatory. Um, it's always okay to say, "I don't understand. Can you explain that further? Um, what options are available, if any? Um, what needs to happen in order to move forward with X,

53:33 Y, and Z?" Right? Ask those questions. Um, they're important. And if you don't understand a process, it's okay to ask that, too. Um, I remember when I was advocating for my own daughter to have um an IEP and they were saying, "Well, this this and this needs to happen first." Okay, I don't understand what it what that means. Can you break that down for me? Right. Um, I want to be productive member of this conversation and to do that, I have to understand the system a little bit, too. So, it's okay to ask questions about the system and how that works. Build your credibility. So resource parents that volunteer um with action items can communicate respective respectfully, communicate understanding when it comes to that the

54:18 system sometimes just has barriers um to and constraints that you just have to work around and being considerate of that. Um, and when you're able to advocate thoughtfully and respectfully to everybody on the team, those are those are the parents that are more likely to be heard when when we're advocating for a need that a child has. And so, Erica, I know that we are I saw you come up. >> Yes. And I I feel like I could go on forever. >> No. Yeah. Yeah. I just I feel like um you know you want to get to that other part so I just wanted to make sure that you knew like four minutes so you might want to just start getting there. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. So those are all steps to advocating effectively, right? Um so those are the basic steps,

55:04 but sometimes as parents we know that advocating um doesn't always feel like enough, right? So we've talked to the team, everybody knows that this is a a an issue. we've been collaborating. Um, and sometimes it feels like we ask and ask and ask for this child to have this need met and the ask just isn't enough. We've worked together. We've brought up all the concerns. We've said everything right. We've asked everything right. Um, but still, you know, we're told no, right? The truth of the matter is and the hard thing hard truth is that unfortunately when advocacy efforts aren't always going to lead to change in this system. That's one of the difficult realities of

55:50 working in a system like foster care. We can advocate all day. Doesn't always mean that things are going to change. But there are some situations where you might have hit that wall, but your gut tells you to stay silent about it or to just stop here. It just doesn't feel right. Right. Um and so in occasions like that, it's important that we we have a decision to make, right? Are we going to stop advocating at this point and just say, "Okay, system said no. There's nothing we can do about it." or are we going to put on our hiking shoes and climb that uh metaphorical mountain, right? Um so I think when it comes to advocacy, I did tell Erica that I did want to talk about

56:36 push back a little bit. Um because sometimes we're told no. Um or you know, it feels like we're just hitting roadblocks and things just aren't working even though we know that this child has a need that is being is is being unmet at this point, right? And that, my friends, when we decide that we need to keep pushing, that is that's called push back, right? Um, I like to put a positive frame on it. We can call it professional persistence. We can call it the advocacy upgrade, right? Uh, advocacy 2.0, I guess. Um, I want to talk about what it is and what it isn't, what it should and shouldn't be, right? So when we we decide to make the choice to push back, the reason we do that is

57:23 because at this point the stakes have gotten higher, right? So when we push back, we need to make sure that we are being kid- centered based on fact and observation, timely. We've already discussed that, professional, respectful of everybody on the team. Um we want to be clear about our concerns and what we want to happen. What do we want to happen? What do we want to see happen from here? What push back shouldn't be, right? Um, it's not something that's super comfortable and if you're super comfortable with it, we want to make sure that we don't fall into this list of what it shouldn't be. Um, because push back is a difficult conversation to to navigate and have. But what we don't want it to be is to be personal, emotional, or reactive. Um, we don't want to um make assumptions

58:11 uh about other team members or express frustration about their lack of action or inaction. Um, we don't want to be threatening. We don't want to blame somebody for not doing their job, right? Um, we don't want to learn that we're right and they're wrong and I'm just going to throw the book at them. Right? So, that is not the point of push back. The push back, the reason for push back again should really be focused on kids needs and making sure that this need which has until this point continued to go unmet needs to be met. And how do we do that? Right? But pu push back can kind of raise the stakes because it is a difficult question and um it's a difficult difficult conversations to have, right? So before you make the choice to to push

58:57 back, six questions you want to ask yourself um before deciding if I should keep trying, keep pushing, making the good fight, right? Should I keep climbing the mountain? First thing you need to ask, is your child's safety or well-being being impacted? Right? First and foremost, have all of the concerns been clearly communicated using child- centered language? Before pushing back, it's important that we reflect on have we shared the concerns and needs of the child with the team in a way that everybody understands. Um, does everybody has everybody expressed clarity on that? Um, having documented our concerns, super important. Um, have we allowed a reasonable amount of time to pass?

59:44 Right? I know as caregivers, we want our kids when our kids have problems, we want it fixed now, right now. Um, but we have to understand too that the system does have barriers, loopholes that folks have to jump through. So, have we allotted enough time to do that? Our kids needs still unmet despite multiple collaboration efforts. So, have we tried all the things and it's still not working? And lastly, if I choose not to say anything or if I decide to wait before I continue trying to push the issue, will that cause harm or delays in necessary services for kids? Or does it impact their permanency, right? Or their stability in the placement, right? So, those are the questions to ask before you decide whether or not you want to

1:00:31 push back. Erica, do I have time to talk about my last food for thought? I know we're we're coming up on the hour. >> Let me let me just say this really quick cuz there might be some people that need to get off. So, just give me one second and let me just make this disclaimer. So, Melissa probably has like another minute here that she would want to share. We welcome to stay on. Um if you have to go, I just want to share again that you will receive a certificate and if Melissa is willing to share these slides, we'll send these slides as well to you. And as always, if you have questions, concerns, you can reach out to FFA. Um FFA is here to help you advocate. So, please don't hesitate uh to reach out to us uh and and get our support. So, uh I'll let Melissa um

1:01:17 finish it up, but I just want to share those couple things for people that had to run. >> Okay. Well, thank you, Erica. And yes, I'll try to wrap up. I know I'm trying to be conscientious of time, but this is a subject that I'm very passionate about. Um but yes, push back, it is super important. Um, sometimes when it comes to advocating for our kids, because if we've hit a brick wall when trying to get our kids needs met and we haven't been able to get there, sometimes we just know in our heart that it's the right thing to do is to keep pushing, right? Um, and so push back essentially becomes necessary because we've reached a point where the well-being of the child now seems at risk. So at this point, the stakes haven't or the skills haven't changed, right? When it comes to push back, we're using all the same skills. Um, but now the sense of urgency has

1:02:04 kind of come up. But what the most important thing when it comes to advocating and push back is that it is so important that we are still being collaborative because at the end of the day, you are still going to have to work with this team, right? And so it's really important that we are able to continue to push back effectively without offending anyone um and and without burning bridges, right? Um because at the end of the day, we are still going to have to work with this social worker, work with this GA or work with whoever it is, this therapist on the team who is disagreeing and who's been challenging to work with, right? But in order to get this child's needs met, we are still going to have to work in partnership, right? So, um there's an art to that, right? Um when stakes and

1:02:51 emotions are high, it's easy to kind of go into that mama bear, papa bear mode um because it's human, right? It's our human um human response to fight for their for our kids and um sometimes when we get into mama bear mood, we say and do things that um might not always be the most effective. Right? So, um, some of the key principles to remember when we decide again to push back and again we've decided that we're pushing back because the well-being of the child is at risk and we need to make sure that we are doing our best to make sure they get what they need, right? So, good news, all the same advocacy skills still apply. Um, so there's now just a greater sense of urg urgency, right? So, we've

1:03:36 already talked about communication important, making sure everybody's in the know, making sure that we're documenting and communicating clearly. Those skills haven't changed. Um, but now the purpose and tone might have changed a little bit. Right? So, now in addition to documenting um the challenging behavior, we might also be documenting, okay, we've discussed it this time, this time, and this time. What's the barrier to getting this service done? Is there anything that I can do to make this happen? Right? Um and so kind of shifting the discussion to we already know it's a concern. Now the concern is taking action to address it. Right? So push back and escalation should always begin and end with how does it impact the child. Right? We talked about

1:04:21 that already. So I'm not saying anything you haven't already heard. Um so escalation and push back. So when we decide to say that doesn't feel right or can we have a conversation about that or I feel in this situation that I need to go to the supervisor of my foster care specialist that I need to go to their supervisor or I need to go to the DSS supervisor. Um, it should, if you make the decision to do that, to continue a conversation or to escalate a concern that you have, it should always begin and end with how is the child impacted and is me addressing this issue going to better the situation for the child or make it more difficult, right? Um, it's

1:05:06 not about how loud we are, but how informed we are, right? um being when it comes to push back and deciding to continue advocating for kids, it's not about being louder and and being louder in our explanation, right? It's about being informed um and being intentional with the information, right? Um so sometimes um we have to do the research, right? If somebody's saying that's not something that we do that way, and you're like that just doesn't feel right. Sometimes we have to take initiative to inform ourselves about what the system looked like. That could there's a number of way that ways that you can do that. Um you can join support groups. You can join um

1:05:55 support groups either online in person if um you're connected with an agency foster family alliance you know as a support you know turning to them if you have questions or needs if you don't feel like what you're hearing is the right information um Google right um honestly chat GBT so I told I mentioned earlier that I'm in the process of um trying to advocate for an IEP for my child um and I really felt like the information that I was being given just didn't feel right. And that that doesn't that doesn't feel right. So, what did I do? Like any um 21st century individual, I guess these days, I decided I'm going to go to online and ask questions, right? I'm going to figure out the law for myself. What are what are what are the rights that my child has? Um what is the law when it

1:06:41 comes to having kids evaluated, right? Um chat GBT, it's amazing. You can ask it lots of questions. Just pointing that out as a resource. Be mindful. It's not always correct information. Um but you can ask when using AI. You can ask, "Can you point me where to find this information?" Um um but yeah, inform yourselves about not just the child because we're already informed on the kid. Sometimes we now need to inform ourselves when it comes to policies, the rights of kids, our rights as a parent, um and and making ourselves more informed about the particular situation. But now that we've informed ourselves and we know all the things, what's really important is that we're not using information as a weapon, right? We're

1:07:26 using it as a tool to advocate for kids. I'm not here to throw the book at the psychologist who gave me misinformation about my child and whether or not she's eligible for an IEP because of her age. Right? I know that that's not true, but I'm not just going to sit in a meeting and say, "You said that couldn't happen because of her age." I know that's not true because that's not the law, right? Um I'm not using the information that I've learned as a weapon. I'm using it as a tool to say, "Hey, well, from what

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