How to Document Coercive Control in 5 Steps

0:00 explaining what it's like to experience intimate partner abuse can be challenging and for many survivors it can even feel ret traumatizing especially when they have to keep telling and retelling and reliving their story in so many different situations and in front of so many different people in many cases it's hard for survivors to even find words to describe what's happened especially if it's been largely emotional Financial or technological abuse especially if they live in a nice neighborhood where abuse is not supposed to happen especially if their partner is a doctor therapist attorney or some other powerful person in the community with a very positive Public Image and especially if they have no bruises or broken bones or any other kind of forensic evidence to show for it I'm

0:46 Ruth Darlene founder and executive director of women of Silicon Valley women SV a nonprofit dedicated to empowering survivors service providers and communities with education on Covert abuse and C of control today I'm going to be sharing with you five essential steps for documenting coer of control steps designed to empower survivors and give providers the Insight they need to help these steps have helped hundreds of survivors take their power back over their story and move forward with their lives some topics discussed may be triggering so please take breaks for self-care is needed so let's do it let's jump in into the five steps to follow when documenting coers of control step

1:32 one understanding Co of control if we're going to document and Report domestic abuse in a clear concise way we first need to start with a clear understanding of both the general and legal definitions of terms like coercive control here's the generally accepted definition of coercive control a pattern of behavior that manipulates controls threatens and isolates an intimate partner it tends to be a gender-based crime perpetrated by men against women it often involves micromanaging aspects of household duties that we traditionally think of as being associated with women things like Child Care cooking shopping housekeeping it has the effect of turning women into servants prisoners in their personal

2:18 lives and it tends to get worse over time the abuse itself tends to get worse and it tends to become more frequent over time it is also a lethality risk and why is that because it involves treating an intimate partner like an object like a resource like um a resource to use and use up like an object or like a sex object like a possession and what's the ultimate right of property possession disposal the right to dispose of it when it no longer seems useful or when it begins to cause trouble the legal definition of course of control varies depending on location so make sure to research your local laws to to find the definition that applies best to your situation in the United States some

3:04 states recognize Co of control as a crime others recognize it as a civil issue and some unfortunately don't recognize it at all so in California you'll want to look at Family Code 6320 Family Code 6320 which describes coercive control in detail and gives examples I have a video about it also on this channel and even more information in the in-depth class on our website so make sure to check out these resources for more detail step two goal setting and choosing your audience survivors document their experiences for a lot of different reasons reporting a law enforcement informing a therapist seeking support from an advocate preparing for legal proceedings telling a trusted friend or even just making

3:50 sense of what happened for themselves or to put away and use to decide what to do about it or with it later identifying why the story is being shared can help determine which details are most relevant that's where the goals come in figure out who your audience is and what your goals are whether it's a Survivor deciding what's most important to share or a provider helping a Survivor to prioritize details clarifying the purpose makes the process more focused and effective step three building a timeline next let's start building a timeline of events for survivors this timeline serves as a chronological outline to start organizing specific incidents of abuse including exact dates of these incidents is ideal but you may not always be able to do that so then

4:36 even approximate dates or date ranges or even the time of year or the year if you can remember it these can be valuable when you're unsure of specific dates for providers assisting survivors helping them piece together this timeline can offer valuable context and deepen your understanding of their experience start with any key events then add to them over time as other memb M Mor surface you could start with the what you remember most recently that happened and then perhaps what was the first incident you remember and the worst thing that happened and then start fill in in between then step four create an incident and allegation log building on the timeline create a more detailed incident and allegation log survivors Can Begin by documenting the first worst

5:21 and most recent incidents that I just talked about and providers can assist by guiding survivors through documenting each event thoroughly for each entry include if at all possible the date or the date range a description of what happened and how it made you feel frightened humiliated controlled isolated trapped also include any false allegations or accusations made by the abuser and include any evidence available that supports your claims like photos or screenshots of text messages emails medical reports police reports Witness the statements and anything else that you can uh use as evidence this log will offer a structured way to document

6:07 incidents and will be helpful when the details need to be Revisited or shared with others in our full class you'll receive a template of the timeline and the incident and allegation log plus examples to help you with this process now step five gather supporting documents to help complete your summary to help complete this executive summary documenting the abuse gather documents that provide context for coercive control the more obvious forms as well as the less obvious forms of abuse you've experienced you can refer to helpful resources like the power and control wheel you can Google that the danger assessment that Jackie Campbell created or the women's experience with battering the web scale these tools can

6:52 help both survivors and providers describe specific incidents and emphasize the severity of the experience es in our full length version we'll have all these documents all the templates all these models in the same place in one place in our course and it'll be explained to you in detail along with examples to help jog your memory for survivors once you complete these steps you can create a new document summarizing and highlighting the most important details that you gathered during this process this will serve as a powerful tool to organize your information in a way that could be easily understood OD by others that you want to share it with and what's more this document will be versatile survivors you can adapt it according to whoever your audience is therapist

7:40 attorney financial advisor cyber security expert extended family members yourself and it can also be adapted according to whatever your goals are Financial guidance technological support legal advice safety planning or maybe you just want it for your own personal use for survivors remember to keep any documentation safe and secure where an abuser can't find it or anyone else keep it safe so it's for your eyes only until you're ready to share by safely keeping this information readily available for when you need it you'll be able to more easily share your story without having to relive it ret traumatize yourself in recalling it or having to sift through tons and tons of documents each time for

8:27 both survivors and providers these steps form a powerful framework to understand document and communicate experiences of course of control this process will help to clarify details of what happened and create a bridge to understanding and support obvious forms of domestic violence can be easy to describe there's usually physical some kind of forensic evidence but with Co of control not so much not always it can be much more subtle and often a hidden form of abuse and that kind of abuse is especially difficult to document survivors often feel frustrated trying to put their experiences into words while providers May struggle to fully understand all the

9:12 complexities involved we are still stuck in our old way of looking at domestic violence in spite of laws around Co of control in many states now many providers as well as survivors are still in the early stages of learning what all it involves let alone how to report it or get support around it as difficult as this process can be sharing the Survivor story is a very important part of building a support system whether survivors are seeking help from a therapist Advocate doctor police officer lawyer family member or trusted friend documenting abuse helps others understand their needs and helps them provide more effective support many

9:58 survivors also o are suffering from something called trauma brain it's a direct consequence of living with abuse no matter how brilliant you are this can impair your ability to first remember what happened and then describe it in a clear coherent linear way because for a while at least you may be experiencing some very common very normal side effects of living with an abuser like having difficulty remembering articulating organizing and then reporting some of the worst experiences of your life the good news here is that this condition isn't permanent you can recover once you're safe thanks to the neural plasticity of the brain we know now that the brain can heal but in the meantime while you're still in the

10:43 throws of your experience it's like you're standing in the middle of Route 66 with trucks blasting by you and then someone hands you a form and says here fill this out so if you are a Survivor please give yourself some Grace on the other hand if you are a provider watching this video your clients and patients and students whoever you're working with are going to need that same kind of support and patience and Grace from you when you have multiple cases and a calendar full of court dates and deadlines it can be frustrating trying to guide survivors efficiently through the process of telling their story to get the facts down in a chronological logical Manner and in a way that still honors the pain and suffering that they've been through if you give them a

11:30 homework assignment of documenting their experiences don't be surprised if you don't get it back in a timely fashion fight flight freeze these are common trauma responses and nothing is more likely to trigger a freeze response than asking survivors to go home and write down all the details of their own personal journey through hell they're not uncooperative they're traumatized whether you are a Survivor or a provider we have a tool to support you in all of these areas remembering articulating organizing and Reporting various forms of abuse in addition to physical and sexual so that by the end of it you will end up with a concise coherent summary of what happened the impact it had and the support and

12:17 protection that are needed now as a result I developed the executive summary Workshop to guide survivers and the professionals who serve them in documenting coercive control and other form of domestic abuse if you'd like the whole Workshop it's about 90 minutes we have the full length course available online where I will walk you through the process in Greater detail it's called documenting coer of control with the executive summary Workshop whether you're a Survivor looking to organize your story or a provider supporting survivors through this process this Workshop is designed for you for both survivors and providers so make sure to click the link in the description to learn more just a few few quick disclaimers this is none of it is meant

13:02 to be legal or therapeutic advice you'll often hear me say she or her when referring to survivors and he or him for perpetrators because coci of control is primarily a gender-based crime committed by men against women but still it's important to acknowledge that abuse can occur across all genders all relationship Dynamics men can be victims women can be perpetrators so please feel free to substitute the pronouns that apply to your your situation and if you hear me use the term victim instead of Survivor it's not in the sense of victim mentality it's in the sense of crime victim just as you would refer to a victim of a robbery or driveby shooting domestic violence is a crime and besides not all victims

13:49 survive coercive control with or without a prior history of physical violence is a lethality risk and survivors deserve all the support they can get to keep them and their children safe documenting the abuse can be the first step in getting that support thank you for watching and I hope these steps serve as a valuable resource whether you're a Survivor organizing your story or a provider ready to assist for more guidance templates and document examples check out our in-depth class on our website just click the link in the description to learn more and join the course remember sharing a story of abuse is a brave and important step for surv survivors and The Advocates supporting them this documentation process can be an empowering way to break the isolation

14:36 of abuse and start building a path towards safety support protection and best of all healing