How to make small talk so fun, people want to keep talking to you

0:00 If you're stuck having the same boring conversations, how's your work going? What are you doing on the weekend? Anything nice? So, uh, where are you from? And you have absolutely no idea how to turn them into conversations you actually want to have. Then first you need to understand number one, the small [music] talk rule. So, what have you been up to recently? Not too much, really. Weather's been nice, though. Yeah. Now, everyone seems to hate small talk. But here's the thing. You actually need the small [music] talk because imagine meeting somebody for the first time and going, "Uh, I really like fishing. I've got three brothers, four sisters, big family, and a lovely looking dad." Um, okay. You can't immediately start

0:47 conversations by having some incredibly deep interesting thing to talk about with someone you've never met before. You need somewhere small to start. And that's exactly what Small Talk's for. So, what do you do for work? >> I'm an accountant. Oh, nice. Whereabouts do you work? I work in the center of London pretty much every day. So, now we found two things. They're an accountant and they work in London. But this is where most people go wrong. Instead of actually exploring either of those things, they'll just jump to another topic. So, what do you do on the weekend then? >> Uh, not not much really. And that is why your conversations stay so surface level. Instead, let's go back. So, what do you do for work then?

1:33 I'm an accountant. Oh, nice. Have you always wanted to be an accountant? Yeah, I've always wanted to since a kid, studied at uni, and here we are 7 years later. You see what's just happened here? We're not just learning about accountancy. We're now starting to learn about them. what they wanted to do when they were growing up, what they were like when they were younger, and how they ended up where they are now, so I could just stay there. So, I'm guessing you were pretty smart at school then. Actually, no. I was a nightmare at school. Really? No, I don't believe that. Yep. I I was always getting in trouble. And there we go again. We started with what do you do? And now we're talking about what they're like growing up. And that's the whole point

2:19 of the small talk rule. Small talk gives you the entry. Your job is to notice it and go deeper. And this leads nicely onto number two. Wide versus deep conversations. I want you to think about conversations in two different ways. [music] You can have a wide conversation and you can have a deep conversation. And most conversations people have are incredibly wide. An example of a wide conversation would be, "So, where are you from?" "I'm from Manchester. Oh, nice. What do you do for work? Well, I work in marketing. Cool. What do you do outside of work? I play football. Nice. Do you have any holidays coming up? Yeah, I'm going to Spain in a couple weeks. Now, look at what's happened here. Within the space of about a

3:05 minute, we've talked about four completely different topics. Manchester, marketing, football, and Spain. But we've learned nothing about each other because every conversation we started has been one question deep. and eventually you're going to run out of topics to talk about and you're going to be in mid-con conversation thinking what do I say next to them. So instead of just bouncing from topic to topic in a wide conversation I want you to start learning how to have deeper conversations. So let's restart with the exact same question. So where are you from? Manchester. So now we've got the topic of Manchester. Instead of abandoning that and asking them what they do for work, we're going to stay with Manchester and go a little bit deeper. Have you always wanted to live in Manchester? No, I actually moved away

3:52 when I was 18 years old. Oh, really? What made you leave? Honestly, I just couldn't wait to get out. How come? Was it just like staying in your hometown or Yeah, I just never really fitted in my hometown when I was growing up to be honest with you. Now, look where we are. We started with just a simple where are you from and now we're actually learning about the person and that's the difference. Wide conversations are always looking for new topics but deeper conversations are always finding new layers inside the topic that you have already got. Number three, adding one more sentence is probably the easiest way to make your conversations more interesting. And I want you to do this in two different ways. First, when somebody asks you a question, so what

4:38 did you get up to on the weekend? And you say, uh, not much really. Okay, so how am I supposed to respond to that? They have basically given me absolutely nothing to work with. So instead, when you're answering somebody's question, just tell yourself. Just add one more sentence. So what did you get up to on the weekend? Uh, not too much really. I spent most of my time on the sofa on the weekend re-watching Breaking Bad over and over again. That's it. It doesn't seem like much, but now you've given them Breaking Bad and spending most of the weekend on the sofa as a way to start a new fun conversation. Oh, mate, I love Breaking Bad. I love watching it. Whereabouts you up to? What episode? Or see, I've never actually watched

5:24 Breaking Bad. Is it worth it? See, now we have a conversation. And this is what I really want you to understand. So what do you do for a living? Don't just say, "I'm a lawyer." Maybe instead, I'm a lawyer, but I mainly work with just smaller businesses. So every day it's completely different. More of the smaller cases. Now, the second way that I want you to use this rule is when you're the one asking the questions. Now, don't just rapid fire ask them like, "Did you know that Tom's trying to reach 100,000 subscribers by the end of the year?" "No, I didn't." Well, can you go ahead and subscribe to him? All right. Yeah, I'll subscribe. No problem. Thanks. Because that is just simply question answer question answer. You did subscribe though, right? So, again,

6:10 before asking another question, try adding one more sentence. My social skills suck. Oh, well, I know Thomas has just released the weight list to his brand new social skills course that he's doing as everybody else has been requesting it. Would this be something that would help you? Yeah. No, that would be exactly what I wanted. Where can I sign up so I I can know when the course drops. Just put your email in on the weight list website. It's really simple, but it's going to help you go from starting conversations to having deeper conversations to making friends, leaving conversations, having better relationships and connections. Just press the link in the description. No, seriously, press the link in the description. Weight list is live. Now, number four, react to what they meant, not just what they said. Now, this one is slightly different cuz let's say

6:56 somebody says to you, "I've been working till 8:00 p.m. every night this week." And you respond, "Oh, really? What time do you normally finish?" Now, there's nothing technically wrong with this question, but you're kind of missing the point as to what they were telling you in the first place because they're probably not telling you their working hours because they think you're really interested in their shifts. So, try and find the meaning underneath what you think they're trying to communicate to you. Damn, you must be absolutely exhausted. I am absolutely exhausted. What's been going on at work? Or another example of this, somebody might say, "Well, my best friend's just literally moved to Australia for the rest of her life now." So, yeah. And you say, "Oh, nice. Wow. Whereabouts in Australia?" Again,

7:43 perfectly reasonable response from them. But just have a little think a minute as to what that sentence meant to [music] me and why I might have said it. What was the meaning behind it? I'm pretty sad. I'm pretty upset. You know, it's a pretty tough I want to talk to somebody about it. Oh, mate, that must be pretty tough on you. How have you been dealing with him being away? You see now how we've moved from talking about just Australia to talking about them? And that's what I want you to start practicing. So, don't just listen to the information that people were always giving you. Instead, sometimes ask yourself, why are they telling me this? What's the deeper meaning behind this? Number five, stop exchanging facts and instead [music] ask for opinions. Let's take probably the most stereotypically

8:29 boring conversation ever. The weather. God, it's freezing today. [snorts] Yeah, it's it's horrible. Apparently, it's even colder tomorrow. Oh, no. Really? Now, where do we go from here? We're basically right now just exchanging weather reports. But let's now have the exact same conversation again, but this time we add an opinion. God, it's it's freezing today. To be honest, summer's been so hot. I quite like a little bit of the cooler weather, you know. Really? No, I I do get you, but I've always been more of a sunny person to be honest with you. You see how different that feels? And you can do this with pretty much any boring topic. So, what do you do? I'm a banker versus I'm a banker, which to be honest, it

9:14 sounds really boring, but it's it's really not as boring as it sounds. You see how much more they've given me to respond to or how did you get here this morning? Oh, I got here on the train, but honestly, I think it's one of the worst ways to travel around London in the mornings. And again, here you've given them something cuz facts will just tell you what's happened, but opinions, they'll tell you what people actually think about what has happened. And you can also do this by flipping this around and asking for their opinion. Instead of, "So, how long have you been a banker?" Then, you could ask, "What's your favorite thing about being a banker?" Instead of, "How often did you get the train into London?" you could ask, "Do you actually like the commute into London?" Because I really don't. Because now you're actually starting to find what they actually like. And

10:01 finally, after everything I've just taught you, I want you to remember this. Number six, stop trying to make every conversation deep. If you ask somebody, "How's your work going?" and they say, "Yeah, good, thank you." You might try going a little bit deeper, "What are you working on at the moment?" And they say, "Nah, nothing really particularly exciting to be honest with you." It's okay to leave the conversation topic how it is, and move on to the next one. Because maybe five minutes later, you mention that you've just got a dog and suddenly they're going, "Oh, mate, I I've got a golden retriever as well. Oh, he's an absolute nightmare. Yesterday he There we go." That is exactly where you stay [music] in the conversation and go a little bit deeper. Thank you so much for watching. I'm trying to hit 100,000 subscribers. Please subscribe if you did

10:47 enjoy and join the wait list in the description. Take care.