Manipulation Expert: How to Control Any Conversation and Read Their Mind Instantly!

0:00 today's guest is a world leading expert in the art of human behavior so many people view the world as like Harry Potter but they think there's some magic script out there I'm just going to have this little spell and it's going to make somebody's Behavior change but this is as close as it gets right here serving 20 years in the US Navy he's trained Secret Service and military leaders on Behavior profiling interrogation and psychological warfare men will kind of do this behavior of covering their genitals during three key periods that's feeling vulnerable feeling threatened or feeling insecure and women instead of covering the crotch will usually put an arm across their abdomen they'll cover the uterus today he's revealing his Secrets educating Millions online in working directly with CEOs and FBI agents to navigate the science of influence could you hypnotize me to murder someone absolutely and how long would that take 40 minutes and this episode we'll dive into the strategy he

0:51 uses to control any conversation how government Elites manipulate the masses and the hidden cues that can reveal exactly what someone is thinking Chase Hughes welcome to the Jack Neil podcast hey Jack yeah so since we just met each other and had a few minutes I have a notepad here and since you're a behavior expert I was wondering if you could maybe write a few predictions about me just from interacting with me briefly in the past few minutes what if I write down three of your biggest insecurities that's a good one and you don't have to read them on camera you just got to say if they're accurate or not okay and we'll we'll open it at the end for the record we have spoken for approximately 15 minutes all right there's number one number two give me a specific and I'll give you uh give me a situation that you're in and I'll give you an insecurity in that situation um core uh for the third one I'll write down the way that I know already that you use to escape from these first two

1:51 yeah we go for that no one's ever done this all right and I'll sign it can just put that right there awesome so yeah Chase has just made three predictions about my insecurities and uh one was how I deal with those insecurities and you haven't really asked me many questions uh to be able to know that so I'll would be interested to see at the end of the podcast how that turns out just so you know just us talking right now um there's a lot that you can see on human beings and we can dig into that if you want to I can tell you the methods uh that are apparent on most people what can you tell about a person just by looking at their face quite a bit so we spend most of our time in conversations looking at people's faces right so that's that's where we always want to start teaching any kind of behavior reading or body language Behavior profiling the first thing that you you want to notice about a person's face is what are the lines that are etched into their face if you

2:55 see somebody and this happens by the age of like 18 19 so it's not like lines from from aging this is lines from expression so if someone's smiling all the time I guarantee you've met people before you'll see these little crows feet from a natural smile that are kind of etched because they live that life and they're kind of happy all the time if somebody's angry all the time you're going to see these two little muscles right here pulling together this called the glabella you're going to see kind of an etching right there if somebody's really social you're going to see more lines on the forehead develop cuz this our forehead is our social billboard and that's how we communicate emotion so people are less likely to trust someone just instinctively if their forehead is covered up like your hair but uh this is how we communicate like I enjoy your presence hello good morning if you raise your eyebrows when you talk to a person and you could try this as an experiment

3:52 today you're going in an airport here in a couple hours if you just raise your eyebrows when you say hello 90% of people will reflect back the eyebrow raise without knowing that they even did it so instinctively programmed into human beings so you can see people who are naturally more social from the forehead more enjoyment uh happiness driven from the crow's feet in the corner of the eyes you could see anger right here but one of the most profound things that I ever discovered was if you make a skeptical facial expression the first thing it does it raises your cheeks and compresses your low lower eyelid like give it a shot really quick like somebody's feeding you it raises this up and kind of wrinkles the skin right here so I thought if someone's spending a lifetime like thinking they're getting lied to or they're really skeptical that's going to etch onto the face so I started experimenting with it and I thought this there's probably 20% Effectiveness but

4:52 it's more like a 100 and then I gave this information to two guys who are comedy hypnotists and maybe you've seen like a show or something um but you know they go on stage and bring people up and make them do crazy and all that um and they have tested it with like between 5 to 10,000 people and they said it's 100% the people who wind up staying on stage and being highly suggestible have really smooth lower eyelids so like I'm extremely suggestible to hypnosis and all that stuff look see my eyelids have are totally smooth right there you have somebody um your age you still have like a Le lower level of suggestibility so that would be Factor too in the paper that we put together to write up on this um and that one we're still kind of figuring out but so far it's between 90 and 100% accurate like the more suggestible someone is the smoother the lower eyelids are going to be and keep in mind this this is not some published science I haven't done any research well scientific research on

5:54 it but it's anecdotal and I've seen so much proof thousands and thousands of of repetitions is that something I have you have an what would be called an LEF lower eyelid factor to which means you're mildly suggestible so you have slight wrinkling there from kind of that expression over time interesting so the next thing is and the most important thing that you can spot and this is for anybody if you're pitching if you're negotiating you can see it on a zoom call is watching how often someone blinks and this is one the most powerful superpowers that you could you could ever have so we call this blink rate and this is like how many times per minute a person is blinking and the average blink rate is between like 15 to 17 in a conversation for humans if your blink rate starts going up you're seeing stress in a person so if we're in a conversation let's say you're pitching a company or something and somebody asks you about your financial projections and your blink

6:57 rate starts going through the roof as you're talking talking about all this money that's a high stress response and that could be deceptive but keep in mind there's no behavior in human beings for deception none what we're looking for is a change or stress most of the time so if I watch a person's blink rate go up what I really want to understand is what's the context what is what was just mentioned or talked about that that is making this change happen so in a high stress scenario you can see blink rate above 80 per minute and in a low blink rate scenario that's where we have Focus so if someone's genuinely interested in a conversation you'll see their blink rate drop almost to 3 to four per minute which is a massive difference from 4 per minute to 80 per minute and you can spot it from like 20 yards away so it's it's so easy to see stress and focus on a person so the last time you were really focused on like a movie that was really great your blink rate was probably three or four

8:04 and the last time you were maybe doing something stressful like taking a math exam or doing something in school that stressed you out that your blink rate was probably 70 or 80 the cool thing is we're almost never aware of how often we're blinking so it's so outside of our conscious awareness that we don't keep it under natural control all the time and it's hard to control so I can look at any conversation like you you look across an airport or a restaurant at two people talking you can see who's more relaxed than the other person right away and that's just looking at the eyes so we're just looking at face this is not even the rest of the body so now we can see not just he has a high blink rate or a low blink rate what we're really wanting to look for if I'm teaching you to do this as a trial consultant or I'm you're about to go select a jury or help a lawyer select a jury you want to look for change you don't want to look for oh it's high oh it's low I'm what I'm in

9:01 the business of is spotting changes so this person behaved this way a few minutes ago and it just shifted to something else so if if I'm doing public speaking I'm speaking on stage a lot and stuff like that I'm making eye contact with people that are out in the crowd the people that are sitting out there in the audience and as I'm doing that I'm looking at eyeballs so I can average the entire room's blink rate so my job as a public speaker is to keep low blink rate as possible that means focus is happening so I'm looking out around the crowd and I see blink rate starting to go up I'm seeing people blink more often I know instantly that I'm losing attention they're getting stressed out they're thinking about lunch so I'll raise my voice up higher I'll walk to the other side of the stage I'll clap my hands really loud or change the subject and automatically I start seeing blink rate go back down again because I've regenerated focus and you can spot that in any

10:00 conversation and think about like if you want to ask someone a question about something that should not cause them stress but you're seeing that blink rate goes up that's a big deal you're seeing it change to this High blink rate so we teach this in jury selection and all that kind of stuff but you don't have to count and that's where that stresses a lot of people out like I'm sitting here counting how how often somebody's blinking you practice just looking how often someone's blinking and saying that that looks pretty normal that looks pretty slow that looks pretty fast so your job after that is is it increasing or decreasing and if you want to persuade someone you want to influence someone your goal is to get them to Blink less and less often that means that they're gener you're generating more and more focus in them subconsciously that make sense yeah and the second thing is uh shutter speed and the shutter speed is the speed of the eyelid closing and then opening back up again so

10:59 we see an increase in shutter speed with fear and we see a decrease in shutter speed with Comfort but when somebody is fully comfortable let's say we start a conversation and all of a sudden I start talking about uh unpaid bills and I see someone's shutter speed increase and their blink rate starts going up I know that that is a really hot topic for that person I can't read their mind but I know that I'm seeing a reaction based off of subject matter does that make sense so with the face like just a couple of the things that you need to be on the lookout for especially if you're dealing in business negotiations women going out on dates with like manipulative dudes and they need to spot it a way sooner so they don't get like sucked into some horrible Vortex is lip compression and this one is really easy to spot and it's a very Universal thing across all cultures lip compression is when someone squeezes their lips together you'll see like like that and it usually means

12:03 almost all the time withheld opinions so like if we're talking and you're like uh Chase how do you like the new thing that you that you just bought I'm like oh it's great so you're seeing somebody withhold some kind of opinion not deception it's not lying per se it's obviously based on the context but it's really important to be able to say oh there's something being held back it doesn't mean you need to dig it out or anything but it's good as a data point to know that there's something here if I'm in sales and I see lip compression I know what I'm just not going to talk about that anymore I'm not going to bring that that topic up anymore if I'm in U an interrogation I know I may need to ask more questions about that thing but it's very powerful to notice if you see when a Topic's bring being brought up someone's listening and they do this lip compression Behavior it's most often withheld opinions or something being withheld emotion and the other variation of this is lip

13:03 retraction and this is when the lip goes past the barrier of the teeth so when you see the lip go like into the mouth or you see a finger go into the mouth something passes the barrier of the teeth it's a need for reassurance most of the time so and you'll see that like um I'll be calling someone up on stage or I'll do uh some kind of thing where I'm talking to a person and you'll see them do some kind of thing where something's going into their mouth I'll you right away I know that that person needs some kind of reassurance and it is so powerful it could it could drastically change how you react to people and how you communicate to people it can make you a much better Communicator as you start seeing blink rate go up I know I'm going to change the conversation to something because I I know you're being stressed out if I bring something up I see lip compression I know that there may be something there or I need to move off of this topic or if I'm in interrogation I need to dig in

13:56 this topic that's just just looking at the those are just a few things that we can start looking for what else do you suspect uh you can tell but might not be 100% certain you'd mention the eye thing wasn't proven through data but is there anything else like uh I've heard a lot of people talk about physiy yeah like being able to tell based on like Jaw structure and like nose structure like tilt of eyes like that type of stuff is that all or I think most of it's been discredited in is proven and I think if it was if it was even proven to be 20% reliable I would be like on I'd be on board I'd say let's let's learn it and and add that to my stack of data because when I'm looking at a person I'm not looking for one thing I'm looking for a cluster of different things that will tell me one piece of information does that make sense yeah so physiy started back um 17 I think in the late 1700s and they would make these models of the human head and based on where the lumps

15:04 are on the skull they would say oh this is an high intelligence and this is a low intelligence and then they went into facial shapes and structures and I think 99% of that stuff has been discredited completely discredited but I will I will say as a caveat if I want to like simulate I want to do research on high stakes intelligence interrogations where we have like a detainee and an interrogator and I give a couple of college kids a lunch voucher to come up here and volunteer for an experiment and then they pronounce like oh we did research on interrogation there is nothing nothing that a college can simulate that would be even remotely close to an intelligence interrogation scenario where their person's sleep deprived they're facing the death penalty if they give out information you can't replicate a lot of human behavior in some college basement somewhere doing an experiment so it's very hard to quantify and I think a lot of people make a terrible mistake of thinking that

16:06 human behavior is a science and not just and not an art form because every human being is a little bit different everybody's got different background and different culture and different from their childhood kind of still kind of running the the little programs and stuff in the background so treating it like it's geometry where we can just accurately predict everything and like relying solely on on one psychology textbook and that's the source that's ground truth about every human being in the world I think that that is a mistake but I do think it is a blend of Art and Science and I think what I do when it comes to behavior profiling is a lot like uh being a meteorologist I have all of these little data points so this is likely what's going to happen so we kind of we deal in likelihood instead of like this is the pronounced actual thing what's the easiest way to make someone feel comfortable around you man that's fantastic um one of the fastest ways that a person

17:04 gets to feel comfortable there's a few different ways number one is that they see you as predictable and reliable and so that starts with like this person a is not a threat so not being a threat means I'm not facing a person headon so like the way you and I are facing right now is non-adversarial our brains are kind of wired to be a little bit more competitive when people are sitting directly facing headon to each other this is why uh in the bars back in even in the old west they they knew this they didn't know really why but they knew that I'm going to sit a bunch of dudes at a bar who are getting drunk for them to be able to talk to each other they have to see each other so let's put up a huge mirror on the back of the bar where they can look at each other without facing each other so it it lowered the likelihood of fights taking place so that would be number one is like am I in some kind of nonverbal position that creates some kind of adversarial thought process in their

18:08 mamalian part of their brain is that specific to men though or oh no no like if you uh women have the exact same uh fight ORF flight response so like when another human a woman or a man comes up and like facing directly onto that person it triggers our brain to say this might be a conflict or confront ation this might be something I have to deal with physically so let me just explain like our brain has not changed in about 200,000 years and we do not have a part of the brain dedicated a hierarchical structure of the brain dedicated to language none this is why like it takes babies years to start talking and speaking we have to learn that but a baby can walk a baby can learn this sign language like milk and I want more and we can do all of that because we have hierarchical structures for those things but we do not for language language is relatively new to our species so we rely on a lot of non-verbal communication but we read other people at this gut level or if

19:16 it's a woman it would be reading people with like some Intuition or women's intuition is way better than men's in my opinion but we read these micro movements first and the mamalian brain is what's truly in charge charge of a human being so if I'm thinking I need to make someone comfortable what most people would think is what are the words I need to say and language is always above and beyond the least important thing uh in Persuasion and influence least important it's the last part of our brain that evolved so it's the least important thing so if you think of any sales team in the world and I'm sure you've dealt with a lot of dudes who do like online sales they have a sales team like our mutual friend Marcel has his own sales team one of the biggest mistakes I've seen in since I've retired from the military and now I train a lot of sales teams around the country is they want a better sales script that's it so I show up and they're like oh we need different words

20:18 and I say if you paid me $10 million and I developed the best sales script on planet Earth in the history of humankind and gave it to one of your salespeople has social anxiety it's the crappiest sales script in the world and you're going to blame it on the script I can give you every single word to say but if you're not communicating the right signals nonverbally those words are meaningless they're they have no effect so it's so important that we understand my ability to make another person comfortable is non-verbal 90% non-verbal so it's how am I approaching that person so making someone comfortable and making someone trust you about the same thing and then we get into Authority are you an authority figure so you can be dominant but not domineering you can be in control but not controlling but you do this all nonverbally are you in charge of yourself do you have high self-confidence do you uh present a non-threatening uh body language and and demeanor and one of the the best most

21:25 powerful ways to start communicating that is by communicating with your palms open and this is proven there's even a TED Talk About It by a good friend of mine named Mark bden and uh he's on the behavior panel YouTube channel with us we cover a lot of True Crime body language breakdowns and stuff if you watch his T talk it's fascinating but as a as a quick otit note summary of what this means is while you're speaking if you're speaking with your arms and hands at Naval height so like even with your belly button and your Palms open when you're making these important points in what you're saying people are like 10x more likely to believe you and trust you and Trust in what you say just by having these open palms and you can demonstrate it so quickly and so easily like even in a seated position if I'm sitting here like this and I'm covering my genitals right now which is a fear response when people lie or when they're scared or when they're really fearful about what

22:23 they're saying or what they're experiencing right and I say Jack you can trust me it feels weird so if I cover my abdomen because we don't have bones right here to protect organs right so one of the things we do when we're fearful is put bones where there aren't any bones so we'll kind of cover this abdomen women are more likely to do it but I say Jack you can trust me or if we're talking like this and I say Jack you can trust me it it feels different in your brain because we have this hard wiring to see this openness this open non-verbal communication it feels completely different and Mark Bowden calls this the truth plane where people are just way more likely to accept what you say or believe you and in reality making someone comfortable is about having confidence that's actually contagious so when somebody has confidence that's artificial it makes other people feel small if your confidence is genuine and you're you're not faking confidence out of ego that's what makes people small

23:25 but if I'm truly confident it should make other people conf confident even if they have social anxiety even if they're stressed out I have a calm demeanor and enough composure that my confidence I have enough that I can transfer to other people if you're talking about persuasion and influence whether you're a cult recruiter or an interrogator or a parent uh trying to raise a kid you want your confidence to be contagious your number one goal is to transfer my level of confidence to that other person so they can make a decision I want to increase their confidence so that's the number one thing is having confidence to the point where it's transferable to the other person I wanted to touch on what you said a minute ago about the uh like croch exposure uh just because there was this interview a few days ago with Trump and zalinsky and people were commenting on the fact that uh Trump was kind of covering his genitals and zilinsky was like sitting like this so like what does

24:19 that mean like uh like you're hiding something if you're covering your crotch or like what what's kind of the thing there there's going to be a lot of body language experts out there somehow I got voted the number one body language expert in the world on this like Global gurus thing and they stopped put they stopped that category I think maybe a lot of the votes were my mom going on there but in reality what a lot of these experts are going to say are he did this so this might mean this but what you won't hear them say is talking about changes which we already talked about when did that happen how long did it stay that way and when did it open back up again so what was the moment that happened when the movement took place of that genital protection behavior and there's probably a few still frames you could get where zalinski is covering his abdomen covering his crotch there's you can get still shots to to mean anything that you want them to mean but what we

25:18 really need to pay attention to is the change so I didn't I actually haven't watched it it's just stressful and I just choose not to watch anything negative or weird just don't expose my brain to it but in any situation you can cherry-pick little pieces of data until you turn on the job of I'm looking for changes to behavior and that's the number one thing so it it I would say that there's some people out there will say oh zeny was confident Trump was not maybe the whole interview didn't look like that I don't know if the whole interview was like that and his hands were like covering his crotch the whole time I would say there's some insecurity men will will kind of do this behavior of covering their their genitals and women during three key periods that's feeling vulnerable feeling threatened or feeling insecure those three and women instead of covering the crotch will usually put an arm across their abdomen and they'll cover the uterus and you'll see this that um I

26:18 can't remember where this was this research was done but uh young girls going to college for the first time so they're in this new environment uh the first like 8 to n days I think of school they would carry their books and stuff in front of their abdomen and the more socially comfortable they got with everybody the books be carried a little bit lower and lower and lower and then down at the side uh and men are likely to do the same thing so we kind of pull our arms in when we're feeling those moments but always think about the change like when is it happening so the movement there's so many body language experts out there that speak about body language like it's a still image and and I've never understood that because when I first started learning I thought oh this is a I learned by looking at pictures in a book I'm like still image still image and I know what that means if I see it I don't I need to look for the change to that behavior when someone moves to that

27:13 behavior so if if you see Trump covering his genitals the whole time I would say there's a pretty good bet there's vulnerable threatened or insecure it's one of those three things I mean you've been on a lot of podcast and in a lot of high stakes negotiations how do you get what you want out of an interaction okay so number one I need to figure out what my desired outcome is so I need to go in there with an outcome in mind and a lot of people don't and every conversation you should have an outcome I want this person to feel great could be an acceptable outcome but right off the bat you want to get them to start making identity agreements and this is just kind of a little micro class of things that you can do identity agreements means that you get them to either verbally or in their own head say I am the type of person who bill in the blank so what I've teach in sales and even in interrogations is if we start a conversation and I say You Know Jack there's so many podcasters

28:20 out there who are just have this rigorous structure that they have to follow and it's kind of nauseating to be on the podcast okay so I'm glad I'm in here with you today I didn't say anything about you but I got you to mentally agree that you are not one type of person do you see how quickly that starts to that can start compounding really quick so if I walked in here like that I could I might be able to get you to not pull out your iPad to not do anything does that make sense so far so I've just said there's so many people who Do XB behavior I'm glad that it's you and me here today I'm glad that you and I are talking I'm getting you to agree that you are not that type of person and imagine if I'd come in here and I'll just use you and me as an example if that's all right with you yeah for sure imagine if I'd like uh when I came into the studio today I was down in this little parking lot area you were up this up the stairs and as I was walking up the stairs I said dude I was

29:21 just watching your podcast it is so refreshing to see somebody who who is a podcaster and can still do whatever I say I can make sure that you'll probably do that or act that way on the show because I've I didn't get you to agree to an idea I got you to agree to an identity and identity is the strongest way to influence a human being to get them to agree to who they are as a person so let's say I wanted you to be more open and vulnerable about yourself so I walk I'm walking up these stairs and I'm like dude I just finished watching your podcast and like so many podcasters are so closed off and just they push these barriers up and they they try to fake every fake their way through podcast so it's really rare to see somebody who is just genuinely open and authentic so I really appreciate it I didn't say that that was you but your head said it was you but if I say you are this kind of person and you and I give you these direct compliments your brain feels like it's

30:24 being influenced your brain feels like there's some manipulation going on but if I take that out I'm taking away your ability to really scrutinize what I'm saying because I'm just making a generalized statement even though I'm getting you to say yes that is me does that make sense yeah and another way and this is just like the first beginning of a conversation and let's say I said You Know Jack I just W your watched your podcast I I got to tell you man as a behavior guy I'm wondering like how did you get this open and just completely raw and able to share all your feelings at at your age I think I was like 30 until I got that open with other people and the moment that you start answering that question you're agreeing to an identity verbally now I've got you to verbally agree to an identity and most of the time like if you just memorize that one phrase if like you want a quick oneliner which I hate uh these little scripts and stuff but ask somebody like how did you

31:23 get this open with other people have you always been this way or is this something you had to work on I know I had social anxiety I had to work on it so I'm curious about something and then I make an admission and it makes the admission look more honest if I touch my chest and you probably notice the feeling of like this looks a lot more genuine my eyebrows going up I'm kind of touching my chest making an admission and the moment that you start answering that I'm I'm I'm nailing down what you're allowed to do with me in the future so I'm I'm removing the possib ility that you're going to be more holding back I'm not completely eliminating it but I'm lessening that likelihood so every moment in a conversation is about crafting the likelihood of the behaviors that are going to follow yeah I I I'm really interested in the identity thing uh I will say like researching you uh the past couple weeks I've like that's been my biggest takeaway by far like that

32:23 seems to be the root of most conflicts between people like uh essentially if you have an opinion that I disagree with it's more so I don't want to have the identity of the person that would agree with that opinion and that's where we see like this uh like bifurcation of politics like between liberals and conservatives it's more so that people want to identify with that side of the aisle more so than actually live out what that opinion looks like um I guess what I want to ask you about utilizing the Identity or just in terms of getting what you want out of a conversation say this podcast for instance I I might have to uh cut it a bit short in a couple hours because I have a flight to make how would you kind of go about uh if you really wanted to be on here for like five hours with me like how would you steer the conversation in a way without like any sort of bribe or anything to make that happen yeah so let's start from the me being the parking lot like I was this morning so

33:23 for reference like we're on the second floor of a building there's an outdoor staircase I'm standing out there and you kind of came out and said hey and that was like let's start with that so the moment I'm walking up the stairs I say I say the exact same intro say Jack I just watched a couple of your podcasts yesterday to get ready for this and I was just on the on the way over here I was watching this one with this other guy and I got to say man this is there are so many podcast hosts out there who just rush and rush to get something over with and it's it's kind of disgusting because it's like this mechanistic process where people just want to churn out content where they've got to do so they end the podcast early and they do all these things they don't really prioritize their guest and you do like it's amazing that I I go on so many podcasts and there's nobody that really prioritizes getting everything that they can from a guest and I really appreciate that you do that so it was

34:19 framed as a compliment but you you've agreed that you are a certain type of person at this moment that would have at least got you 15 more minutes and that's just the beginning um and so right away that so I didn't get you to agree to an idea I got you to agree that you're a certain type of person and this is in the first 30 seconds uh influencing someone long term is more is not just like hey let me just keep hacking away at this identity there's ideas that come in there too and what I did there is called a negative dissociation so and this is part of the NCI the system that I teach you government and and people all over the world it's called NCI neurocognitive intelligence and one of the methods in there is called negative dissociation so I I don't want you to have a certain trait and so all I'll do is talk negatively about a certain group of people and how they have this trait right so let's let's say now we're inside uh I've already said that first

35:23 thing to you and then I say like you know you've been doing podcasts a while you've got a million subscribers now on uh YouTube and I'm just amazed at how many douchebags there are out there hosting podcasts nowadays and I'm really excited to come here because every time I've sat with one of these people I've been on a lot of podcasts every time I sit down with one of these people it's like they have a clock ticking down and they have to just pay attention to the clock and it's almost like I'm sitting with a doctor who doesn't give a about me so now I've given you a scenario that that your brain has automatically got a relation to right so I've putting a picture in your head a negative one and it's just really mechanistic and I've seen so many of your shows and I it's good to be with somebody who is willing to stick around and like get the full story when they need to do that now that's identity again so you could keep going down a hill and if you keep doing

36:24 it over and over using the same technique it's going to be very obvious and it's going to be like oh w why is he why does he keep saying this so from Identity I want to go to expectancy so if if you have confidence and you have authority you can create expectancy so priming is another the identity and then priming so priming is setting the stage every moment of a conversation we're getting the person's brain ready for the next thing that's going to happen and a lot of people are like I'm just going to read the script and then the sale is going to happen the sale happens like in starts at the first 5 Seconds right so the next one is priming I'm going to start putting in small seeds of thoughts in your head and to to discuss this like to understand the concept of priming they did uh and I'm no expert on this study or anything I'm going to probably butcher this they did the study where people were taking a word search puzzle and in the group they put these words in

37:28 the puzzle that were in that were Loosely related to old age Florida wrinkle pain retirement all of this like there's probably 10 or 15 words in there I can't remember them all but just after taking just after being exposed to those words for a few minutes the speed that they exited the testing room and walked down the hallway was reduced by like somewhere near 30 40% so they started walking slower just because they were exposed to these words and if you have an outcome in mind the number one thing you need to do is prime that person to think of that outcome does that make sense yeah so we're none of these techniques work very well unless you have authority and you have confidence so when we're talking about these techniques these are language like we talked about it's the least least important thing and so right after that I would ask if you're on the clock and then how flexible you are and I would talk about time and how time can be flexible and I

38:35 would I would mention how I changed my flight just a few days ago and it was really easy and it didn't really impact my trip very much just bringing these subjects up on a very regular basis there's a ton of techniques we could talk about if we have like a specific scenario anything or or interrogation if you want to but there are so many things that go back to non-verbal behavior and Authority that I would I feel like just talking about the Linguistics which we could all day long we could go way into Linguistics and how to use confusion and deliberately confuse somebody's brain and all of that kind of stuff but the base of that pyramid the base of whether or not I accomplish what I want to do is going to be a a result of do I have authority do I have uh enough confidence and and presence to get that thing done and if if you want to we can break down the Linguistics or the authority I'll let you choose where you want to go Linguistics okay so let's talk about um

39:35 how Linguistics work in the brain we we don't have an evolutionary part of our brain for language we have these two things in our brain called the brokas area and the Wares area where we kind of process linguage when it comes to Linguistics the first thing that you want to be aware of is how we're directing that person's attention so can I capture a person's Focus and can I lead a person's Focus if I'm speaking in a way that is not direct and doesn't capture Focus then I'm already losing persuasion you could read all these cool scripts all these cool books if you don't have the social skills to speak well and and really Captivate somebody's attention you're not going to do it so one of the most common that people learn when it comes to Linguistics is these statements that are called Milton statements or Salad statements or whatever but they they're kind of presumptive so a person can is a beginning of one of those I can insert anything I want after that and help your

40:36 brain to start picturing it and imagining it so if I'm communicating in a way that is vivid then I'm painting pictures in your head which means that the mammal part of your brain can understand it if my words are not creating pictures in your head and I'm not interesting enough or I'm not generating enough Focus then I don't translate what I'm saying into the mamalian brain so a person can let's say I want you to forget about the time and you could just put that into a sentence and I want I want to kind of start injecting these thoughts into your head earlier on without you knowing that it's happening I would say some some kind of phrase where I could inject that into a sentence so a person can so let's say I was uh I walk in here we're talking I talk about you were asking me about the you know the Joe Rogan podcast and I was like yeah man it's amazing how fast a person can complete completely lose track of time or I could say it's amazing how it's so easy to just completely forget

41:34 about the time for a few hours so what I did was I inserted a small pause before I told you what I wanted you to do U and you could ask me anything so let's say I wanted you to extend the podcast a few hours or cancel your flight or whatever which we can't do because I've got an appointment a little bit later but I want to insert those phrases and if I say completely forget about about the time let's say that that's what I want you to do completely forget about the time as I'm talking I'm saying like M just name any random subject and I'll show you exactly how you can weave it into any conversation any subject you want technology all right and I was in Best Buy the other day looking at these laptops and they're making so many of these advances and they have so many things that you can look at it's amazing how easy it is to completely lose track of time makes sense so far mhm okay okay um and now to get you to want to have the podcast with me longer we'll we'll cover

42:34 another technique and and you can this is called embedded commands that a lot of you can look it up anywhere on the internet so that before we move to this next technique is the rules of the this embedded command technique where you're hiding language inside of language is I'm going to pause before and after and the command itself like what I'm injecting or hiding into my language has to be able to stand alone as a sentence so for example I can't say let's say I want you to I want to get you to relax that's it a lot of people would say yeah it was a really completely relaxing Journey completely relaxing is not a sentence completely relax is a sentence it's a statement of telling someone to do something so that's the difference and the biggest mistake most people make is that they don't pause and they're using ing words when they should be using direct commands and ideally if if you get more advanced at this you should be able to clip the sound bite of someone saying

43:40 the hidden part and it should sound like they're speaking an independent sentence that make sense so it should be a command hidden within it and then uh we get into like ambiguities uh so let's dive into ambiguities and then gestures and how can can play into this um so give me something you would want someone to feel like uh let's go into connection okay so give me any random scenario and I will show you how we can in inject language into that scenario using this phrase of uh feeling connected um you go to Starbucks and order with your Barista yeah okay and what are we talking about give me any topic and I'll show you how easy it is to weave into anything just on the fly like what new coffee they have at Starbucks okay yeah um so the first thing I'll Pro I'm my time is limited with this Barista so the first thing is I want to establish her Focus so I'm going to do one small thing and I'm going to say something like you know it's absolutely fascinating and

44:53 very covertly I'm pointing at myself as I'm saying the word fascinating to start off the sentence to try to associate myself with the word fascinating so I can just buy myself a tiny bit more Focus so that she'll bite onto the next sentence so when time is Super limited it's a lot more difficult but U we're at Starbucks we're talking about all the is it coffees that you said all the coffees yeah so there's so many coffees here to choose from and I remember watching this documentary about these coffee makers and it is incredible how much they take take care of each other it's a rare moment when somebody can feel completely connected to another person so did you hear that piece feel completely connected and if you cut the audio out of what I just said it sounds like I'm saying an independent sentence on top of that my hand as I was saying the word feel completely connected was going back and forth between you and I this make sense so far yeah I just I I want to comment that it feels very

45:53 hypnotic uh and I've noticed that about your speech whole time and I know you're trained in hypnotism but spending time with Marcel it's just I I'm picking up on like I'm getting into trance just listening to you speak have people commented about that yeah yes but most of most of the time it's people who have listened to these MP3s that I have they're for free to make your confidence better to increase your uh mental well-being and all of that kind of stuff so they they're like going to sleep every night listening to my voice doing like very overt hypnosis like to get them to sleep and then I've noticed they come to like a a training session or something with me in person I've got a little mic on there's speakers in the room and I'll say just the word like sleep yeah i' almost felt it on that I was hoping that you wouldn't do it uh and like I've my first time I ever did it there was a guy who' been listening to me for like nine months straight every time he went to bed and I said that

46:50 sww uh and he just just fell out fell out of his chair uh so I had to be really careful so let's add on to this technique a little bit so whatever we're talking about we can talk about picking out carpet and how someone can feel completely connected and I could be talking about an electrician coming to my house and fixing wires and it's amazing when that connection finally happens when he's putting these wires together but I'm saying the words independently and I'm saying them with this back and forth gesture as I'm talking about connection but now I want to say I want to hide the sentence uh feel completely connected now with me and I'm going to disguise that in speech have you ever heard this before it's pretty bizarre but I'm going to I'm going to be ambiguous about where the period is and where the comma is in these sentences so in essence I'm going to say the sentence like feel completely connected period now with me when I start exploring things but I'm I'm going

47:53 to tie those together so give me another topic and I'll and I'll roll with it random toothbrush okay uh I always use my toothbrush and I cuz I remember this dentist I had when I was a kid he was the only guy that really genuinely cared about me he was the most kind person uh that I ever met and it's so rare when you can feel completely connected now with me the way I see it is we develop relationships differently especially as kids and then I'll just roll off on another sentence but if you clipped out what I said feel completely connected now with me and I isolated that in my speech makes sense so far um there was a thing back in the 90s where these guys would kind of come up with a lot of these ambiguities and stuff and they are powerful but they become powerful not not because someone uses them in isolation there you're not going to just say uh you're not going to sneak the phrase buy this Bugatti uh like into a paragraph and somebody's magically going to go spend a bazillion

49:04 dollars on a car they have to be paired with confidence Authority and and Leadership and a a true belief in what you're saying and self-esteem and all of that if you use all these language techniques and you have crippling self-doubt and all of this stuff you have to work on that other stuff first a lot of people get wrapped around these little language techniques because it it gives you a placebo it's like oh I know it I know a trick now uh but they're not that effective unless you're using them in a really I would say a really confident way so to expand on the the language aspect of this so confidence is probably one of those things that's such a critical element and if we could dip into confidence really quick the number one mistake in my lifetime training the CEOs the intelligence folks all these people to develop confidence it has nothing to do with your standing o over anyone else it has nothing to do with other people the moment that you make it

50:07 about how that like it how it deals with other people it's not confidence anymore it's hierarchy and those are two different things so people think about confidence and it's like oh I have to be more than other people the biggest mistake is comparing me to other people and that's that what I call hierarchical thinking and people make these mistakes because they view themselves as well if I'm confident I need to be above this person or they're scanning the room to see who's in charge who's subordinate and what's truly powerful about this and this sounds like it's a like a hippie bumper sticker but are you willing to get to a point where you treat everybody the same the you meet you go to meet a a business billionaire for a sales pitch or you're talking to your Uber driver and you're the exact same you have the same level of confidence because you're never thinking in hierarchy and status and As Americans especially living in the west we are programmed to see

51:06 hierarchy and status and the two main goals of advertising number one is to make you compare yourself to other people number two is to make you think I am not enough so get that statement into your head the identity statement of I am not enough so we get programmed from such a young age with these commercials and advertising and now it's social media is just insane if you kind of back your way out of that hierarchical thinking and comparing yourself to other people you have the most transformative experience when it comes to confidence because confidence has nothing to do with anyone else it's not about anybody else it's about me it's about do I have confidence in this situation and the fastest way that I've ever seen to develop confidence and I have a a free hypnosis on our website you can download that's you can listen to it every night I have thousands of testimonials that has changed people's life but the fastest way to develop confidence is to develop a comfort with

52:09 the possibility of social injury and that's just am I willing to be embarrassed am I willing to say something um that's on my mind that might might cause some judgment someone's going to judge me so that fear of judgment is also kind of hierarchical thinking like they are they're going to judge me which will put put me down so if your confidence is coming from how your environment is then you're going to always need something that which is not confidence at all at all so when we're talking about confidence it's selfconfidence not not environment confidence not Jack confidence Jack doesn't help me to feel confident um but we're we become no longer dependent on the environment or who we're around or what happen happened we just become comfortable with that injury and the second element is I develop this this mindset this world view of things are generally going to work out fine things are probably going to be okay and if I if I'm my genuine belief is and not just the thought that

53:17 I have not like a Post-It note I put on my bathroom mirror and read as an affirmation every day but I developed this hardcore internal belief that things will work out pretty much okay number two is this fundamental worldview shift of I'm okay to receiving social injury and I'm not I'm never using hierarchy and status to look at the world ever again it is such a drastic change and you're it's exhausting living in the other reality where I'm I'm deeply concerned with the environment and I need things to be perfect for me to feel confident or to feel okay with with talking or saying something that's on my mind or being being vulnerable around another person so does confidence come from competence I don't think so at all if you watch um what is that movie Catch Me If You Can Have you seen it I think so I think I know what you're talking about it's a Leo DiCaprio playing a guy uh Frank abigil is his real name it's it's a true story where he like puts on this

54:21 pilot outfit and starts flying free around the entire country um it's a fabulous movie and I don't know if you do like overlays when people are talking about stuff but a couple of these scenes like he's walking with all these uh flight attendants uh then he pretends to be a doctor Like a Surgeon then he pretends to be a lawyer so he kind of assumes all these identities he has zero competence zero uh but everyone believes him because he is so self assured he's not looking to other people for his confidence it's it's an internal thing and that's where the term con man came from it's confidence so their confidence was so high that it became contagious so I believe it so much that you start to believe it um and that's comment is kind of a bad bad way to compare these things and say that's where you need to be in life but you need to have the confidence where like this is not a big deal no matter what's happening it's not a big deal because you're you're world view is

55:27 things are going to be fine everything's going to work out I'm open to being socially injured that that's just part of living as a human being on this planet and Define social injury social injury is Judgment most of the time okay judgment and the Judgment if I'm riant on the outside world causes shame and let me give you the third pathway of confidence here since we're just throwing random around um getting so forgiving of yourself and your own past that for anyone else looking at it you would be delusional or crazy like unlimited self- forgiveness and this sounds like some self-help but it's just like I don't care what anyone thinks about anything that I've ever done I am so self forgiving that everything is Forgiven that I've done and I don't accept any judgment from anybody else I'm radically delusionally forgiving about everything that I've ever done which kind of just helps to delete what keeps most people back and that's shame so I'm hiding shame I'm hiding guilt and I'm also

56:34 concealing this fear of I might get judged by somebody and opening that up and just it sounds crazy but like we're training like Jason Bourne type of dudes and the best way that we can train them is like getting them to live with like an open heart and just wide open where I'm open to getting that social injury so if I can if I have that much confidence then these little language techniques and stuff that we're talking about are 10 times more powerful so a couple more techniques if you want to go back to them um are these gestures that I was talking about yeah so if I want something between you and I like I say the word connection or I say the word um if I'm talking to somebody that I want to date I might say the word attraction and go like this back and forth between us two I don't know if my hands in the camera or not but I'm I want to use my gestures on purpose instead of on accident is that maybe they have a 5% effect on how someone per perceives something but it's

57:39 an effect there's some kind of effect going on and if I say something and I want it to be associated with me and I'm really trying to generate a lot of your focus I would say like you know it it's just I'm seeing so many of these things it's just a really fascinating when you get to the point where you discover something new and I'm just pointing at myself saying fascinating and so think of like the words that you would want to say if you wanted to kind of control another human being or like get to an outcome yeah um so let's go back to your example of of me wanting you to what was it like extend extend the podcast out for five hours right um let's say we're standing out there in the Green Room and we're getting ready to kind of come in here and record and I said Jack you know it's fascinating um it's amazing like so many people I was I was working with I was at this doctor's office the other day getting this brain scan done here while I'm in LA and it is just

58:43 awesome that he was willing to just stop and spend extra time with me doing these brain scans and I would say that so I'm saying spend extra time with me and I'm pausing before I'm pausing afterwards to where if you clipped it out audio that would be its own statement it's fascinating it's kind of a cool Placebo but it's only a placebo of skill unless the confidence is there and you can back all that stuff up and there's so much you can do with language but it's only as good as how you're influencing the mamalian brain so if I have zero like imagine if a third grader came up to you and said that or you it would have no impact on you if a third grader came up to you and insulted you it would have no impact so there needs to be Authority present and Authority not over others but authority over self like I'm in control I'm not controlling and you know we you've probably seen me go through the five factors of authority and what makes Authority possible but we've proven in

59:54 so many experiments that Authority matters more than any possible word that you will ever say in your lifetime like the milgrim experiment which is uh famous people got talked into killing another person or they thought they did in in under an hour and more and more we're discovering is I need to be more Caesar Milan and less Tony Robbins I need to think about controlling that mamalian brain and because that's what really makes the decisions if somebody thinks oh well the human the cortex is more advanced so it makes more decisions no it's not like you you can't hold your breath until you die your your Maman brain is going to take over and knock your ass out or going to make you just open your mouth and breathe again so that is the brain that makes a lot of our decisions from an emotional perspective and that's the where you establish someone's Focus you have authority and you say something that triggers this tribal response and emotion those are the four things that

1:00:53 influence mammals Focus Authority Tri and emotion those four things on those four things um what are some habits that make people dislike you from a mamalian perspective or human I guess human yeah I think not being interested so most people focus too much on being interesting instead of being interested and that is the number one recipe the the second way that people will get into a point of not being liked by other people is I need to be on top so you'll say oh I went to this I went on this great vacation to uh Disney World I was like oh great yeah we just went to Rome actually and uh toured the entire Vatican got this backstage pass to the Vatican uh which I never have but and it's not I'm I'm not saying like you don't one up people obviously everyone should I hope know that but what I'm saying is if I'm doing this subconsciously every time this person wants to be seen as important or significant or to gain some kind of social acceptance I'm shutting them down

1:02:04 and the three biggest social needs that people have are significance I need to feel significance I need to be accepted and I need some kind of approval like I need to be told I'm doing a good job or um some kind of recognition the moment that we see somebody exhibiting like I I see this person and they say I'm a CEO I've got four employees we've made $10 million last month and all of that I know for a fact that they thrive on significance so the moment that I say oh I have I just made $15 million last month and I did all this I'm taking away the exact thing that they need from other people in social interactions and it it makes us feel good but we're not really doing that for the other person and when you get to understand am I dealing with a person that is significance driven acceptance driven or approval and the moment I start taking that away I'm taking away not just how they feel I'm taking away neuropeptides because they get dopamine and other neuropeptides from that

1:03:06 feeling so it's like a person knocking on a drug dealer's door and the drug dealer is like no go somewhere else but that's kind of what it is cuz we are there are chemicals and we're dealing in a in at a chemical level this person needs to be validated and made to feel significant made to feel like they're a part of a group made to feel like they have permission to do something made like complimented on and and told that they did a great job um and and just as a quick example the acceptance people are always going to be talking about groups and tribes they'll use pronouns like we way more often in their speech and their language and the approval people are always going to be saying things to get you to kind of tell them that they're okay tell them they're doing a good job they might say I'm going on uh this podcast tomorrow and I always suck every time I go on a podcast I always suck and people just don't like it is that what you oh no Jack it's okay you did a great

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