The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

0:00 I am a stupid man. Now people call me mad. If that is so, then it would be progress. But in their eyes, I am still as stupid as ever. But I do n't feel bad. Everyone loves me, even when they laugh at me. In fact, when they laugh, they look even more adorable. I wish I could laugh with them. Not at myself, but for them. But I get sad because they don't know the truth. And I know how difficult it is to know the truth alone.

0:45 But they won't understand. They will never understand. Earlier, I felt bad about looking stupid. Not in looking stupid, but in being stupid. I have always been stupid. And I probably knew this from my childhood. I realized this from the age of 16. I went to school, then studied in the university. The more I learned, the more I realized that I am stupid. It felt as if science was made to prove this to me.

1:31 Life was also like this. With every year, I became more convinced that I look stupid in every situation. Everyone laughed at me, but no one knew that I myself knew that I am very stupid. And this thing hurt me the most. But this was my mistake. I was so stupid that I didn't dare to tell anyone. If I had ever told this to anyone, I would have probably killed myself that very day. This pride kept growing inside me. When I was young, I was afraid that this truth might come

2:18 out of my mouth. But after growing up, I calmed down. I don't know why. Perhaps because some other big sorrow had settled in my soul. That sorrow was to know that nothing in the world matters. I had this feeling for a long time. But last year, suddenly I understood it completely. I realized that all this is useless, as if there is nothing. Earlier, I used to think that there must have been something in the past, then I understood that there was nothing in the past and there will be nothing in the future too. Then I stopped getting angry with people and even

3:07 stopped looking at them. Then I found the truth. I came to know this truth last November. It was the evening of November 3. That evening was very sad. It was raining. Everything was wet and cold. And that evening, I saw a star in the sky. That star gave me an idea. That very night, I decided to kill myself. As I was looking at the sky, a little girl caught my elbow. It was Susan on the road. Far away, a car driver was sleeping in his car. That girl was eight years old. She had a scar on her head. She had a

3:55 handkerchief and she was wearing a wet torn old cloth. Her shoes were torn and wet. This is what I remember the most. She pulled me by the elbow and called out. She was not crying but her speech was obstructed. She was shivering and was saying mummy mummy out of fear. I looked at her, did not say anything and moved ahead but she kept pulling me. There was that fear in her voice which is there in the voice of children when they are desperate. She did not say anything properly but I understood that her mother was ill,

4:44 perhaps dying. She had gone out to seek help. I did not support her. On the contrary, I tried to push her away. I told her to go to the police but she kept crying with folded hands and kept running along with me. Finally, I stamped my foot and shouted, she ran across the road saying sir sir. I saw another man and she ran towards him. I reached my fifth floor. I have one room in which other tenants also live. My room is small and simple. There is

5:32 a window in the room. There is a sofa which is old. There is a table on which books are kept and there are two chairs and an old armchair. I sat down, lit a candle and started thinking. There was a ruckus going on in the room next to mine for three days A retired captain lived there Strange people used to come to him They used to drink and play cards One night they even fought The landlady wanted to complain but was afraid of the captain There was another tenant who was with her three children

6:19 They were all ill They were also afraid of the captain Their condition was so bad that the youngest child fainted out of fear But the captain's antics never affected me I used to ignore him I used to stay awake all night sitting at the table Doing nothing I used to just study during the day I used to just sit all night That night I kept my revolver on the table I asked myself is this true and the answer is yes it is true

7:04 I had decided that I will kill myself that very night But maybe I would have done it if I had not found that little girl See even though nothing mattered to me I felt pain If someone hit me it would hurt The same thing applies to emotions too If something sad happened I would feel sad Like it used to happen earlier when things in life mattered That night I felt sad I definitely If I could have helped that girl

7:50 then why didn't I help her [MUSIC] Because when she was pulling me a question came to my mind This question was useless but I got confused I was thinking that if I am going to take my life that very night then why should anything affect me But suddenly I felt pity for that girl I got a strange anger at myself I thought as long as I am alive I can feel sadness, anger and shame But if I am going to die in two hours then what do I have to do with this girl

8:39 Everything will end after me Still why this thought could not stop me from feeling pity for that girl I scolded that girl in anger as if I wanted to say that I can become inhuman because everything is going to end But now I think I shouted because I thought that everything depends on me Like after my death this world will end for me I felt that this whole world is a part of my consciousness If I am not there then it will

9:24 also disappear While thinking all this a new thought came to my mind Suppose I live on the moon or Mars and do some shameful thing there If I am now on earth and never go back then what I will be ashamed of what I did [Music] All these questions were useless because a revolver was placed in front of me [Music] But these questions made me restless I decided that I cannot die without solving these questions That girl saved me I

10:12 postponed the intention of shooting Then the noise in the captain's room subsided They were getting ready to sleep I sat on my chair Then without realizing it I fell asleep This was the first time this happened Dreams are very strange Some parts are so clear that they shine like jewels The rest of the parts go away as if they are running beyond time and space Dreams listen to the heart, not the mind Still what tricks the mind plays in dreams

10:59 I saw my brother in a dream He had died 5 years ago But in the dream we were together I knew that he was dead Still I was not surprised How can this be possible Now I start talking about my dream I saw that dream on the night of November 3 People tell me that it was just a dream But what difference does it make whether it was a dream or reality If that dream showed me the truth Once you know the truth, it doesn't matter whether it is a dream or reality My dream showed me a new life. That life was beautiful.

11:47 Listen, I had told you earlier that I had fallen asleep unknowingly. It felt as if I was lost in those thoughts. I dreamt that I picked up the revolver and aimed directly at my heart. Earlier I had decided to shoot at my earlobe, but I aimed at my chest. Then I paused for a few moments. Suddenly my candle, table and wall started shaking. I quickly pressed the trigger. In dreams, when we fall, get injured by a knife or are getting beaten up, we do not feel pain. It was the same in my dream.

12:34 I did not feel pain, but it felt as if everything had shaken due to the firing of the bullet. Everything turned black. I was lying on my back on a hard surface. I could not see anything. I could not even move. People around were making noise. The captain was shouting. The landlady was screaming. Then everything stopped. I found myself in a closed coffin. I felt that I was dead. I knew this very well. I could not move. I could not see, but I could think.

13:23 I accepted it, just as in dreams we accept the truth without questioning it. Now I was buried in the ground. Everyone left. I was left alone. I tried not to move. I was feeling cold, especially on my toes. But I was not feeling anything. I don't know how much time passed. Maybe an hour, maybe several days. Suddenly a drop of water fell on my closed left eyelid. Then every minute another drop kept falling. This was creating anger in my heart.

14:10 I started thinking that this is a bullet wound. The drops kept falling. I called out to an unknown power with all my might. Said if you are there and anything can be better than this, then change it. If you are punishing me for this useless and strange life, then know that this punishment does not matter to me. Everything was quiet for a minute. Then another drop fell and I was convinced that now everything is going to change. Suddenly my grave opened. I was picked up by an unknown power. We

14:56 started flying in space. I got my sight back. It was night time and I had never seen such darkness. We were flying in space far from the earth. I was not afraid. I was feeling proud that I am fearless. Suddenly I saw a star. I asked if it is the Sirius star. My companion said no, this is the same star. The one you saw while returning home had a human-like appearance but I was hating him deeply I thought there is life after death but I do not accept it

15:45 We were flying in unknown space I had stopped looking at the familiar stars Then I saw a star like our sun I felt a strange sense of life in my heart I asked if this is the sun then where is the earth My companion showed me a star far away which was shining green We started moving towards that star As we came closer I saw the shape of the ocean and Europe I felt that it is like our earth I thought but I can only love my earth

16:32 My companion said you will see everything And then I found myself on a new earth The sun was shining there The trees, flowers, birds all looked as if they were talking to me Then I saw the people there They were beautiful their eyes were shining Their faces were full of peace They came to me They touched me with childlike innocence They surrounded me They surrounded me They did not ask me anything as if they already knew everything They wanted to remove my pain Do

17:18 you know, suppose it was just a dream then The love of those innocent and beautiful people stayed in my heart forever. It seems that their love is still flowing from there to me. I saw them, knew them and understood how lovely they were. I loved them. Later, I also felt sad for them. But there are many things I cannot understand. I used to wonder how they could live without science like us. But I soon understood that their

18:04 understanding was different. They did not seek knowledge like us because their life was complete. Their knowledge was deeper and higher than our knowledge. They knew how to live without science. They showed me the trees. They looked at the trees as if they were talking to them. Maybe they really did talk to the trees. The animals lived peacefully with them. The animals loved them. They pointed me to the stars. They told me something that I could not understand.

18:50 But I felt that they were connected to the stars. They did not try to explain to me and loved me just like that. I also worshipped them, kissed their feet. They were comfortable even after seeing this. They were happy and innocent like children. Their life was simple. They ate fruits from trees, honey and milk from animals. Their work was light. They taught children new things. They used to welcome us happily like guests. There was never any fight between them. Old age came peacefully. When an old person

19:36 died, they used to send him off with a smile. There were no tears, only love. It seemed that even after death they were connected to their loved ones [music]. They did not have temples, but they felt oneness with the whole creation. They had no religion, but they believed that when their happiness reached its limit, they would connect more deeply with the whole creation. At night, before going to sleep, they used to sing. Their songs were simple. They praised the day, the trees, the sea, and each other.

20:24 Their songs came from the heart and reached straight to the heart. Some songs were so deep that even after understanding their words, I could not understand their meaning. But my heart gradually accepted them. I told them that I had felt this happiness before. I had felt this longing for the earth, but there was always sadness with it. When I told them about my earth, they could not understand anything, but seeing the love in their eyes, my heart also became innocent and calm like them.

21:13 Now people laugh at me, saying that every part of such a dream It is not possible to remember, but I know that this dream settled in my heart like a truth. That dream cannot be put into words completely, but I wonder if it was really a dream because the terrible incident that happened after this could not have been fabricated in a dream. That incident was so true that my heart could not create it on its own. Listen, now I will tell the truth. Actually, I corrupted them. Yes, I corrupted them. How did this happen? I do

21:59 n't know, but I remember everything. My dream was of thousands of years. I was the reason for their destruction. Just like a disease spoils the whole kingdom, I also corrupted that innocent and happy world. They learned to lie. They started enjoying lying. It started with small things, but this lie settled in their hearts. Then came greed. Greed gave birth to jealousy. Jealousy gave birth to cruelty. And then the first blood was shed. They were surprised and scared. Then they divided

22:47 into different groups. They turned against each other. Fights started between them. A thing called shame came and then to hide it, they started talking about honor and flags. Animals were tortured. Animals ran away into the jungles. They also started hating humans Humans started speaking in different languages They accepted suffering and said that the way to reach the truth is through suffering Then came science They considered themselves bad and talked about humanity They invented justice but

23:32 for justice they made a guillotine And forgot that they were once happy and innocent They even refused to believe in their old happiness But in their hearts there was a desire for that innocence and happiness again [MUSIC] They made a new idol They started worshipping that idol If someone talked to them about returning their lost innocence, they would refuse They would say we know that we are liars and bad But we have science We will get the truth from science Truth is above life Everyone started thinking about themselves They started

24:19 suppressing others They started slavery The weak people became subservient to the strong Some saints came They told that they had lost their balance But people used to throw stones at them Blood flowed at the doors of temples Then some people came who tried to unite everyone But wars started on their ideas People got tired, sorrow started showing on their faces They started calling suffering beauty In his songs he praised suffering [MUSIC]

25:05 I walked among them, I rubbed my hands I loved them But I blamed myself I told them it was all my fault Punish me, hang me But they laughed at me and said it was their fault Finally they declared me insane Then my heart broke I felt as if I would die And then I woke up It was morning The candles were extinguished All was quiet I immediately threw the revolver away

25:51 Now I wanted life I decided I would spread the truth I had seen the truth People laughed at me But I do n't care anymore I have seen the truth with my own eyes I will make mistakes but I wo n't stop I have seen the truth that no words can describe What is the difference between dreams and real life Life is also a dream If everyone just learns to love others Everything can change in a day This truth is old but it has not been accepted

26:36 Now I have found that girl and I will go on