The REAL Reason Women Are (Quickly) Losing Men

0:00 Every year for the last 50 years, women have become better educated and they're making more money. And urban centers, they've now under the age of 30 blown by. They're now making more money. More single women in the US own houses than single men. They're getting taller every year. And the reason he uses height is that 50% of women say they won't date a guy shorter than them. It's probably more like 80%. And even if they're not cognizant of it, just anthropologically, subconsciously, they're just usually not attracted to men shorter than them because they have something telling them that this uh individual is less likely to be able to physically protect you. So, you're just at a disadvantage from a height standpoint. Now, metaphorically, women are getting taller every year and men are getting shorter, right? Men may socioeconomically horizontally and down,

0:45 women horizontally and up. But when the pool of men who are socioeconomically uh uh senior to women, it just means that the quote unquote pool of viable mates for women is going down every year. And women have been told they can have it all. And what I found is you can't have it all. Um or let me put this way, you can have it all, you can't have it all at once. And that uh to focus on their careers, which by the way, I think is a good thing. I think economic viability is just super important for everyone, including women. Um, but the reality is as they have gotten taller, men have gotten shorter. So, there's just less pairing. Society has a tendency to evaluate a woman's success through the lens of her romantic success. Not as much for men. People look at you and think, I don't know your relationship status, but people look at

1:31 you like, guy who's killing it. He's killing it and he's single. Oh my god, it's good to be Steven Bartlett. A woman in her 30s who's killing a professional is alone. It's like super successful, but your your single status is a feature. For women, it's seen as a bug. And you both might be just as lonely, but it's it's or you might be engaging in, and I'm projecting here, I have no idea what your situation is here, but there's this dynamic where the men who are in the top 10% can engage in Porsche polygamy. And that is women um with online dating now believe there's nothing wrong with this that and I'm going to be this this is going to get me in trouble but let's rate everybody. Most people will acknowledge

2:16 that some people are more attractive than others and they find certain people less and more attractive. A woman of average attractiveness can have a relationship and when I say relationship that's code for sex with someone who's in the top 10%. But that individual is probably not going to establish a long-term relationship. And because of the lack of friction and connection in meeting people via text message or online dating, the top 10% of men are getting 80 to 80 plus percent of the opportunities for short-term relationships or sex. So they can engage in what's called Porsche polygamy and that there's not a lot of motivation for them to establish long-term relationships, which leads to bad behavior and a lack of household formation. So, the guys that most women want and believe that they should be in

3:02 a relationship with are the least likely to establish a long-term relationship. And then the bottom 90 either have little or absolutely no interest from women. So, I want to be clear, no woman is responsible for servicing a man. But what I think has happened is this dynamic where because online has given everyone access to everyone, the majority of women are all interested in the same group. And this group is now much less likely to engage in a long-term relationship. And the result is just there's a disproportionate number of men and women who quite frankly are just lonely. M uh but men have a tendency when they don't have a romantic relationship to not only not

3:48 have that romantic relationship, but then they have fewer friends. They go out less. They're less professionally successful. You know, if I didn't have a mate who told me we need to save for a house, I'm not sure I wouldn't have been smoking pot and drinking every night. You know, she was like, "If you want to continue to have a relationship and have sex with me, you've got to get your together." That's a men young men need that. They need the guard rail of a romantic interest, the cocktail or the the peanut butter and chocolate of a household where one person is more risk aggressive. You know, that's really important and pushing the boundaries of what can be done and then another person who's more practical and that often times goes into gender roles. Not always

4:34 and sometimes it's flipped, but that's a powerful combination. 1 plus 1 really does equal three. And across every species you see that the majority of really wonderful things including offspring but other things in terms of building a society are a mix of different attributes. And so we have just fewer and fewer of that peanut butter and chocolate in households. There are now more people not only living alone but living with their parents than ever before because they're not establishing this relationship. So it has it's absolutely bad for women, but typically typically women still are economically successful, still find places to put that love and quite frankly don't start killing themselves or killing others. So it's not that it's any any any less bad, but the knock-on

5:21 effects tend to be less bad for society. And I went through the research from the Pew Research, but also from the sort of centers of disease control just to clarify some of these numbers for women as well. And they they cement everything you've said. Um only 13% of women over 30 were married in 1970. That number has now risen to almost half. The divorce rate for women over 30 has doubled in the past 50 years. In 1970, only 10% of women over 30 were childless. Today, that number has risen to almost 30%. In 1970, only 28% of women over 30 were earning more than their husbands. Today, that number has risen to almost 50%. And in 1970, only 12% of women over 30 were living alone. Today, that number has ri risen to 35%. And on the point of

6:08 loneliness, I was looking at how many men versus how many women have a best friend. And it's it's multiples more. So multiple more women are find still have relationships regardless of this state of affairs because they they're better at as you say forming social connections in non-romantic relationships with other women than men are. So it's a pretty it's a pretty um bleak picture and maybe most importantly of all there's a clear direction of travel here and if you extrapolate out that direction of travel we don't get to a good place. population decline you spoke of and how that lopsided society, depression, mental health, suicide. So the question becomes for me, what would you advise young men? You talked about money. I thought that was really interesting. So maybe we we start there, personal finance and

6:54 establishing that. I'm a young man, so say 21 years old. Um what what have I got to do with my money? Where should I be putting it? How should I be earning it? Mhm. So I think the three legs of the stool were going back to it re reallocating capital as a young man. One, start making some money. Two, put yourself in r in environments where you might have a random encounter with a stranger. Also, and I know you engage in this, we're going to reallocate four to six hours a week to physical fitness. Um, feeling strong, feeling um um in shape is one. There's studies coming out now that it's supposedly 50% better than pharmaceuticals and talk therapy. Two,

7:39 you'll be more attractive to mates. You'll feel better about yourself. You'll be more kind. Uh I think that is incredibly uh powerful. But in terms of economic success, and I'm I have a book coming out in March on this. I think there's a basic algorithm to financial security or economic security. The first is focus. And that is focus. find something. I I hate the term follow your passion because typically people mistake passion for a hobby and they think oh I should be a DJ or I should be an athlete or I should open a restaurant and they choose industries where the unemployment rate is 90 plus%. you know, the writers are on strike in Hollywood. The number, there's 180,000 uh people in the uh actors union, Sagraa, and the percentage of them that uh don't or that make more

8:27 than $24,000 a year to qualify for health insurance is um 12 a.5%. So, I would argue that there's under or unemployment for nine and 10 actors. So, find something you're good at that that where there's an employment rate of more than 90%. And I want to be clear, some people follow their passion and it pays off hugely. Jay-Z followed his passion, is now a billionaire. But I tell young men, assume you're not Jay-Z. Find something you're good at that has more than a 90 plus% employment rate, which is 99% of professions. and then in invest the requisite 10,000 hours perseverance, grit, willingness to break through hard things, willingness to suffer injustice, which is a guaranteed attribute of the workplace and get really really good at something or at

9:12 least having have a path to being great to something. Also, in terms of being attractive to potential mates, there's very few things that are more attractive if you're not already economically successful than a plan. This is my plan, right? That's what I think romantic potential branic partners want. You don't need to be a baller. You don't need to be driving a Porsche. You need to have a plan. And that plan might change. That plan may not work out. We got to have a plan. So, the first is we're going to focus and we're going to find something we're good at. And not only something we're good at, but something people will pay us for. Um, that's the first thing. You got to make money. But the second component, the key to wealth isn't isn't as much how much money you make. It's your ability to live a little bit like a stoic and live below your means. And that's one thing I always did. I always live below my

9:58 means. I never had debt. I never use credit cards for stuff. And that is incredibly hard in our society where um every talented person and now AI and algorithms are finding you at a moment of vulnerability and convincing you that you need a new set of on trainers that oh wait, it's worth it to upgrade from economy to economy comfort to economy plus to business class. I mean, it's just the the market's ability in a capitalist market to find you a product you must have when you have any disposable income is just remarkable. There are so many amazing ways to spend money in London and New York that to not spend it all and or not spend more than

10:44 all is real discipline. That is incredible character at a young age. You need to live like a stoic. Your your advantage as a young person is quite frankly to live in a shoe box and spend no money on rent. Spend no money. I used to make it a game. One summer at UCLA, and this was more out of survival or need, but if I didn't make $3,300 between my junior and senior year at UCLA, I wasn't going back to college. I owed the fraternity a ton of money, I wasn't going to be able to pay my tuition. So, I had 11 weeks to make $3,300. And I figured out if I just lived in the fraternity in a shitty little room that I was paying no money for and I only ate Top Ramen, bananas, and milk, I could save I could I could

11:31 live on $110 a week. That was my total budget. And I could do it. And when you're a young man, and not only that, it was still a fun summer. I would still go we would pull money and go buy a case of Schmidy beer. And then on Sunday, uh, Sunday nights, we'd go to Sizzler, this tacky restaurant in LA for a brewing special, Malibu Chicken, and all you can eat salad bar, and I used to go with the other members of the crew team and just clear them out and spend three hours gorging. But we still had a good time. But when you're young, I think you want to lean into this great thing where you don't have to spend money. It is impossible not to spend money when you get a little bit older and you start collecting dogs and kids. You can't sleep on someone's couch. You can't sleep in a shitty apartment. You can't walk to work. You can't live on Top

12:17 Ramen and bananas. So, the ability to gify and really try and live below your means. And then that creates an army of capital. And that army of capital goes out for you and starts making money for you when you're in your sleep. And that goes to specific investment advice. The first is, and people don't like to hear this, do away with the notion that you are brighter than anyone else and going to be able to figure out individual stocks or investments that will outperform the market. I I can't convince you of that 100% and some of it is fun. And if you want to learn about a stock and you want to buy Nvidia or you want to buy Doacoin, fine. But try not to do it with more than 30% of your saved money. Try to take 2/3 plus of your saved money and put it in lowcost

13:02 ETFs and index funds. Because here's the thing, our flaw as a species is we don't realize how fast time goes. Because the majority of us for the majority of history have died before the age of 35. We can't process how fast time is actually going to go when you go past 35. At the age of 39, we stop. We have no longer have the ability to process the way we change in terms of our own physical appearance. So from the age of 39 on, and I can validate this, every time you look in the mirror, you're like, "Fuck, what is that?" because you can't process what is happening to you because for the majority of your species history, you weren't around post 39. You and I hopefully will be sitting here in 20 years or over a beer and I'm going to look at you and I'm like how fast did it go? And you're going to like Jesus

13:49 like a blink. And so if I said to you, Stephen, give me 20 give me find out a way to save a,000 bucks. a,000 bucks and in a blink it's going to be worth 6,000 because I have this magic box. How hard would you try to get as many as much of that capital to put in that box? the power the power of diversification and time because if you diversify I can get you 6 to8% a year right every day 51% of stocks go up 49% go down but if you invest in any five S&P stocks over 10 years and don't trade them no one has ever lost money 85% of day traders lose money if you buy five stocks put them away and never look at them again 10

14:34 years later no one has ever lost money so diversification and this This is where I really screwed up. I didn't understand the power diversification. Successful people fall into the trap of thinking I'm a baller. I'm smarter than everyone. I'm going all in on Cisco because everybody wants internet infrastructure. I'm going all in on Amazon. If you went all in on Amazon in 99, in 24 months you had lost 90% of your principal. Even Amazon, the best companies in the world, if you look back, the majority of them have had 24-month periods where they went down 90%. But if you'd held on, if you'd held on and you didn't day trade and you didn't look at your stocks, you'd be up 30 or 50x now. So the power of diversification and also a recognition that time is just going to go so much faster than you think. So focus, find

15:21 something you're good at that people will pay you for. Live like a stoic. Save, you know, spend less than you save so you can develop an army of people who are killing it or killing people and invading the earth while you're in your sleep. Recognizing the power of diversification and then appreciating how fast time will go and not trading stocks. Just let time take over. If we give every baby and this is a potential solution to what I think is going to be an oncoming crisis among seniors or too many of them that we can't take care of. If we gave for $40 billion from the US budget, we could give every baby $7,000. And I think we treat them like inf infants and we put it in a savings account, ETFs, diversified. By the time they're 65, just with that $7,000, if you didn't let them touch it or trade

16:07 it, it'd be worth a million bucks. So, the fastest way to get every senior a million bucks, and granted it's 65 years from now, would be to give every baby $7,000. And that just shows you the power of compound interest and time and diversification. I think it's fairly simple, those four things, but they're not easy to do. easy to do, but everyone can do them. Almost everyone can do them. And for anybody who really is, you know, they've got, I don't know, $3,000 in their savings account. They have never invested a penny before in their life. They don't know any of the terminology we just used. They don't know what Vanguard means. They don't know what low fees mean. What is the simple way of getting them on the right track from that point of I I drive taxis. I got $3,000 in my bank account

16:52 or $500. What do I do? Go to charles schwab or publicub.com, open an account and first off find out. Um the equivalents in the UK are like hard grief lands down. Um you can do a lot of this stuff on a lot of different apps where you're picking a fund, right? Go into spy or go into an index or an ETF that buys a bunch of stocks for you. Make sure it's low fees and find out, and I wish I knew more about the tax law here. find out if your employer or the government offers you some sort of tax advantage vehicle. In the US, it's it's Roth and 401ks. We have ISA, we have a retirement um system where you can invest in your retirement. And you have to understand that And if you

17:38 don't understand it, find your daughter or someone who can explain it to you. And then the key is just start and put it in an ETF or an index fund that tracks the entire market. low cost, low fees, and find out if you have access to anything that's tax advantaged. But the key, the key is to start. If I only have $100, well, Christ, that again, that hundred bucks in 20 or 30 years will be a thousand or more. And not only that, it gets you it gets you a taste for flesh. You know, like I remember I went on my first safari and they said the lion, you know, unfortunately we had one lion attack a human and now all of them appear to have a taste for human flesh. They never used to go after humans

18:24 before, but once they get a taste for human flesh, you're like, "Oh, this tastes pretty good. Let's start killing people, killing and eating people." Just a hundred bucks and then you wake up and you're like, "Oh, it's worth 108. It's worth 112." you get a taste for the flesh of how powerful money and time and investing is and just start. I also think it starts to make you feel in a weird way. I think it makes you feel and I and and I'm just saying this because I can relate to it as a man. I think it makes you feel masculine to feel like I'm taking care of myself. I'm strong enough to live below my means. Discipline, isn't it? Yeah. I I'm It's like working out. You just feel better about yourself. And I think living below your means and creating an army of capital. Everyone talks about starting a

19:09 business that scales so they can make money in their sleep. That's their goal. You can make money in your sleep by saving it and investing it. But the key is just to start. If you love the D CEO brand and you watch this channel, please do me a huge favor. Become part of the 15% of the viewers on this channel that have hit the subscribe button. It helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets, the bigger the guests.