We Had Conflict.. Here's How We Handled It God's Way

0:00 All right, guys. Quick disclaimer. As I'm editing this, the audio does sound a little bit weird. Um, I try to fix it the best way possible, but I noticed it literally as I'm editing this. So, forgive me. I promise you this will never ever happen again. Okay, so yeah, enjoy the podcast. It's a really good one. And love you. >> We love you. >> Fin. Welcome everyone to the amazing amazing podcast. >> I just know you you throwing me off cuz you cannot start that. I told you >> production. Production what? >> Cuz it's okay.

0:47 >> Yeah. Sorry. >> Production. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah, you have to give grace to production. >> How badly do you need it? Do you need it that bad? But I'll stop it for you. >> Whatever you want. >> Let's not talk to my production like that. >> This episode is about handling confrontation. >> Uhhuh. >> With peace. >> Yes, that's right. >> And I did not handle that with peace. >> I'm sorry. Let's start from the top. >> Praise God. Welcome everyone to the amazing podcast. >> Heavenly Bond, I just cannot take you seriously. You cannot say amazing. >> Just welcome back to the [clears throat] podcast. >> Welcome everyone to a brand new episode of

1:33 >> Heavenly B. There you go. >> The Lord is glorified. He's magnified. >> He is purifying us. >> Oh, wow. >> Wow. Power. >> I got the jacket on, so I just feel like extra. I can tell the jacket is making you feel a little bit like Oh. Oh, snap. Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, welcome to this week's podcast, you guys. Today, we're talking about a topic that a lot of us experience, but not all of us know how to handle well, which is confrontation and conflict. >> That's good. Honestly, the way that we argue, the way that we are and act doesn't start in adulthood. It starts from the beginning like your house and how you were brought up and

2:21 what you saw and what others allowed you to express. And I think it's really interesting how that really shapes who you are as an adult. And today we're going to have a really honest conversation about our style of confrontation and how we grew up and what we saw growing up and how the Lord has molded us and changed us now and what we've learned in the journey. I feel like >> there's a lot to unpack there. >> There is I am. I am too. This is going to be more of like a laid-back, chill, uh, relaxed type of vibe. And then we're just going to be, you know, talking about our experiences so you guys can get a little bit of a inside scoop. >> Yeah. You guys working up here. >> Oh. Or not really, more like how we were

3:10 brought up because I feel like it is very unique. When we talk to people about how we were brought up, people like a lot of people they act very surprised. >> Yeah. >> They're like, "Oh, really?" Like >> you guys have family meetings. >> You guys have family meetings. And it's funny because family meetings in our family. I think we can break that down. >> What do it even look like? >> I'm going integrate that with my kids. >> Oh, for sure. >> Shout out dad for that. >> Shout out dad. >> Yeah, my dad is. >> Do you want to break it down? >> He's the man. >> How How did it look like? >> So, usually, you know, it was a household of four kids. I was the youngest. >> You were the youngest or you still are? >> I'm still the youngest. [laughter] But, uh, it was just four of us. and then my father. Uh, obviously our parents divorced when we were young.

3:55 Fairly. >> Do you remember that or no? >> Uh, nah. >> That's a privilege. I don't remember one thing. >> I don't >> of my parents been together and it was literally an argument. >> That's crazy. >> I think I think this all the time like I remember they were arguing and I drew a family picture. I don't know why I drew but I drew something and I now picture Dala doing that. like I was like that small >> and I was a little older obviously. Um and then I went between them and I showed them that picture. >> Please please stop fighting. [laughter] Stop fighting me. I'm telling you something that really like memory I have of my parents together. >> So you drew like a picture of them together like all of us together like >> Yeah. Like I don't know the details.

4:43 I remember drawing that and then being in the tulum and like putting that up in my >> I imagine literally you talking about something. >> Yeah. >> Look, [laughter] and um it's so cool. >> Literally like that was an argument that was happening and I was trying to like make it better by drawing a picture >> and you didn't even know what you were doing but you were doing good. >> A little sweet. Adam like and that's just so crazy because that's the only member I have of them together. >> Wow. >> But anyways, >> yeah. I mean >> I mean yeah we grew up with a divorced parents. >> We came and all pretty good. I think all four of us >> Oh good children. >> Um and uh yeah we grew up like in the orange Hispanic household. Uh I know

5:30 it's a little rough. You you're not you're not so sensitive. You know what I mean? It's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a gift and a curse. >> So sensitive. >> It's a gift and a curse. Why do I say this? Let me break it down. Y sensitive because Hispanic household they make you like like depression or depression like you got food. You got food yet talking about depression. You know what I mean? But it's like you don't you don't verbalize your your feelings as much. >> But um it's also good because it gets you stronger to be in the real world cuz the real world is not sweet. Not everyone is gentle. Not everyone's loving. So like if you're able to handle that um and manage that with people altercations and all that stuff and not take things personally, it does it does help to a degree, you know what I mean? So I do believe it's a gift and courage because you're able to manage things in

6:15 situations cuz you're like you're tough like you can, you know, manage things, but then it's also bad because you suppress a lot. >> Um which >> that's where things go to play. >> Yeah. But when I look back at our family, I think dad did a really good job at making us communicate and like share what we're feeling and talk about what's going on. Like he made sure that we sat down as a family and talk. This is concept of family meetings that we literally been experiencing since we were kids, like little kids. >> And he will sit us down if an argument happened or something happened. It will make us talk about what we feel and what happened each in our perspective. >> Yeah. >> And he did that so well because now that we're older,

7:01 >> the the most recent family meeting was literally led by my older brother Al >> in my house in my old house in PA. Remember in your room >> where is there and we were not talking right and then I was like oh this cannot happen. You guys cannot not be talking. We literally went upstairs, had a meeting with my dad, with my older brother, >> and they literally made us share our point of views on what was going on >> and then there was our perspective and then made us talk it out at the end. And that's just how you're raised. Like literally like that that that concept of we have to solve issues, we don't let problems fester has always been the heart of our family. >> No, for real. It's I'm just laughing. It was very funny cuz in the end he's like

7:50 I was like I'm still mad a little bit but then you know I love that about the family because like it's it's you get a safe space when when it's your turn it's your turn like you get to talk and sometimes we fess are like nobody's like this and my dad's like hey let them talk like it's their turn. So like everyone had their turn to say what they had to say and um you know and then you had a chance to be better or whatever you know. So it's like things got cleared up on those family meetings and I think that's important like we we need to learn communication. I think that's why we're so good with managing our emotions or expressing how we feel. I just had a team meeting with everyone upstairs and one of the questions was how do I explain something that I already know well cuz sometimes it's hard for us to explain something that we know well. Like for example, like the gospel, like

8:36 we know Jesus, we know the gospel. But it's like when you're evangelized, you're like, um um he died for you. Like that's it. Like, but it's like how do you explain that? How do you break it down? >> How do you break it down? And it's like that takes training. That's not from one day to another. You can't explain how you feel. Oh, I feel sad. Well, it's like, well, what kind of sadness? Like, are you depressed or whatever? Like you explaining how you feel comes with tapping into yourself and explaining that over and over with multiple different things. And I think our dad taught us that it's like, okay, you're angry. Why are you angry? It's like what did they do to you that made you angry and then it's like breaking it down even more to get to the root of the problem was what helped us verbalize our emotions and now it's like a lot easier to communicate, express ourselves and you know move forward. So I think the family names were crucial in our family. It was a gift honestly and I'm super integrating that in my family cuz like

9:23 sometimes people want to feel heard like yo it's my turn to say how I feel and why I feel this way. Um, and so you have that option to do that and um, once that's out like you can settle things. You know what I mean? >> I just thinking about the family meetings. There was this one family meeting that happened in College Point. >> It was mine when I was dying. >> Yeah. >> I thought it was the worst. That's when my mom flew in from the yard. >> Guys, my mom flew in from the R to be part of this family meeting. You don't understand the the >> the level of extra that we are. >> No, for real. that we literally like, "Okay, we going to my dad's going to drive from New York to pay us like >> 3 hours for him or 4 hours >> to go to the house so we can all sit down and we all going to talk about this thing." And it's like this moment. And I

10:08 remember this one meeting that we had that was like the the tipping point for my dad with Emmano because it's like I don't know what to do with this kid. >> I think before Christ. Yeah. >> Before Christ. Yes. Before Christ. And we got to a point was like I don't know what to do with this kid. So I need all of you guys to come to the house. We were all living like I was doing with Rudy, my sister living with her her husband. >> Like we were all out of the house already. We all >> came back to New York to talk to Immano and dad about what we're going to do with Emmano. [laughter] And it's just so funny because that's literally how we are. And I just wonder like >> in general because I feel like we all have different styles of conflict or like confrontation, how we confront things. What is your style like naturally? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> To confront things. Are you like

10:53 explosive? Are you passive? Do you avoid? >> Um, honestly, back then and in that moment, um, I was like passive aggressive with a like when my dad was telling me what to say or whatever. I used to just be like laying like sloppy and like act like I wasn't listening. He got so mad. He's like, "Look, he not listen." He grabbed my shirt. He's like, "You see, honey, you're playing my face." And then [laughter] I'm crying. [gasps] And then you guys typing like that chill like he's not listening. >> I was like, "Yo, chill." >> Uhhuh. That's the thing. Like he was like like he was like doing the long you know the long blinks. >> Yeah. >> Yo, nothing makes you more mad than that. >> Do not put the long blanks.

11:39 >> Not the long was doing the the the long blinks. I was like >> Yeah. I was like a young little Indian like chill. Like speaking I mean English too. we speak in Spanish and we all together like that's just like the basics. So like when you start speaking English you're doing too much. I was like chill chill like you're doing too much. Like why you got to do that? >> But I feel like um >> as been as I've been maturing um with how I deal with confrontation is I'm more of a of a peacemaker. Honestly, I don't want things to escalate. So I'd rather meet in a middle ground than to >> Let's be honest here, brother. >> No, I'm being honest. out. >> Let's open the space. >> Trust me, I >> space to be honest. >> You've taught me that. You made No, you haven't taught me that. You made me that. You made me want to be like, if it

12:27 doesn't let you be said, don't say it. Just find the equal ground. I'm going to say how I feel. >> Okay. I'm going to say how I feel. But I don't want to say too extra where it's like, all right, >> that is true. >> You're O now, you know? So, I say how I feel. If it's not there, let's just d it. It's fine. Um I rather keep the peace than to escalate things. I wasn't like that before. But then now I've been learning that with my friends, with my family, with my parents to especially with my parents. Like most of the times I let them know like, okay, you're probably wrong with this. But if they're like adamant that they're right, I got to keep the peace with my parents than to confident I'm the child and yes, our parents all them. But it's like I got to honor them. You know what I mean? So it's like, okay, you think you're right. Cool. I respect it. I love you regardless. I'm not going to fight with you. Um, so now

13:12 I just use that method with everyone else. I think it's the best. Like the Bible says blessed are the peacemakers. And it's like I'd rather keep peace than to be like I'm right. You know what I mean? But it wasn't always like that. But I feel like in the last couple of years it's been like that. >> Yeah. >> For me, um, for sure growing up I was the confrontational head on. And it's embarrassing. Like I'm so serious. Like looking back at all the things that I did and the way that I hurt people even at a younger age, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, that's so embarrassing. Why would I do that?" And I'm like, I was thinking about this earlier cuz I was preparing for this video. I'm like thinking about all the things that I did and how badly I managed to confront people. Like for

13:58 example, like with our family members. I'm not specifically cuz it hurts me to even say it, >> but I'm like >> who do I think I am? You know what I mean? And and I was really much like that cuz I felt like the people around me were very passive >> and they were not standing up for themselves. Therefore, I had to stand up for them. >> Yes. Yes. >> Like for my mom, I felt like I need to snuff for her cuz like she did stuff for herself. So like it's my turn to for >> like I I felt that way with my sister. My sister is very >> sweet and peaceful and she's the type to really fester and like not conf confront people which I think that's also something that we can talk about because that's not healthy either. >> Um and she knows this but >> and she's done done very well with this too. >> But before she was very much like of the

14:44 peacemaker. I'm like who's standing up for her? I'm standing up for her. I >> So I've done many many things in in my flesh. Obviously, I didn't know Christ then, but even like common sense, like I was just acting out and like really standing up for people, standing up for myself. >> And I'm not proud of that at all. >> Now I'm not like that. I feel like >> I have become definitely still conf confrontational. Um like if I feel something, I will let you know. But I act in wisdom, >> right? >> Like I'm like, okay, is this even worth bringing up? Like if I am upset with my friends and I'm like, is this gonna lead to like peace or more detriment? I'm just not gonna bring it up. You know, I'm bring it to the Lord. Like now I'm acting more in wisdom. I'm still

15:31 >> um cultivating and I'm still acting in like what comes natural to me but with wisdom. >> Exactly. Um because I feel like it is good to be confrontational but also when you do it at an extreme like either streams are bad you want to find the the middle ground >> like when and when it's right and when it's not. When is it right to confront with boldness and like truth and when is it to be like okay cool I'll take one to the chin just so like you know things can go right you know. >> Yeah. I think um I think I I've learned to how do I say this? Like I've learned to be more better at communicating and I think it's because like I ask a lot of questions. I think with a lot of my friends like when

16:17 when when they're speaking about something or they they point something out or whatever like there's a certain topic like a lot of people don't ask but like I'm kind of like nosy in a way. Like I want to know the details. I don't want to know it all. >> Um just because it gets more [laughter] >> Wait, how can you differentiate that from gossip? Because >> No, hold on. Nah, hold on a second. >> No, cuz if you tell me like, oh, um, I did this and this was a I don't know, like something you tell me something, I want to know the details of it. I'm like, wait, when did you do this? How did you do this? With whom? Um, how was it done? Like, what do you even think about this idea? Like, I'm going deep. Um, just because like I think it's it's good when you do that. I think it's good because you're able to really see someone's character. You're able to see somebody's intellect. Um, and I and I challenge and I I like to be challenged too. But I challenge my friends to think

17:03 about things more often. Like you have to dig deeper like you know what I mean? Because once you start expressing about these things, you start recognizing the patterns about yourself. >> Like wait, why did I do that? Why did I choose that? You know, why did I say that? And it's like, you know, I like getting to the place where they're like, okay, I've asked so many questions. They're like, I don't know. Like, okay, now we tapped into that. >> Yes. >> Now we know like the root of whatever it is that you're doing or what. And it's like it challenges you. It challenges you to think. So, I feel like that was reciprocated by one of my friends where he he just asked me so many questions about everything that I do. Oh, what was the action about? Like, why did you do this or what was this about or whatever? And it generally made me not an overinker, but I was like way more intentional with everything now because I'm like, you know, this that and the third. So, it just helps with um confrontations um and and when you have

17:52 >> dialogue dialogue. Yeah. when you're communicating. I think someone feel very much seen and heard. Yes. >> When you're asking questions, like >> I met this one person um and it was actually during my friend's wedding >> and he was asking me so many intentional questions like they were like what about your job? Like asking I'm like people don't really care about my work and whatnot. But he was really well with like asking questions. And then he went to Rudy and asked him like, "Oh, how it is like being a husband." And like I'm like, "Oh my gosh." Like I really learned from him to be intentional even with a stranger. Like >> asking questions makes you feel seen. And there are people that don't have the privilege of growing up in a family where you have all these questions all the time and they're like really making

18:38 you think about why you felt that way and like okay this is why you feel like like this but then this like they make you break it down your feelings. >> Yes. >> And when you are able to do that with someone else that maybe has hasn't had the chance to do that it makes you feel seen and heard >> 100%. >> But I do have a question. >> Yes ma'am. How do you tell the difference between responding in your flesh and responding in a in a godhonoring way in your opinion? >> You know, you know, when you respond in your flesh, you 100% know. >> What are the biggest like takeaways? >> No, no, no. You respond too fast with a feeling that is not right. Aka if you're

19:24 angry cuz the questioning made you upset and you respond too fast. The Bible says like don't be quick to sin. Don't be quick to >> That's in James 1:19. Be quick to listen and slow >> to speak. >> So it's like if you respond too fast about something that you know it trigger cuz you respond too fast but you're in good spirits. But if you know it triggered you and you respond too fast that's in your flesh. You didn't even think about it. You didn't reflect on that emotion or that feeling. um you try to get your point across to be heard. Um and that's wrong. Another one is uh I don't know. I think for me when I know I'm in my flesh and by reply, my heart starts racing. >> Really? >> Yeah. My heart starts moving so fast. I'm like I went through so many things at once and I literally feel the beat. >> Did you like experience here? [laughter]

20:12 >> No, low key cuz I just had like something going on and uh I should you should let them in. Should have let them in. >> Yeah. But like honestly like them in >> the parties. >> Okay. So, I just had something going on with uh >> with all my clients, okay? Uh you know, we we did some great things for this person, made them a lot of money, and uh they just walked away from from what we built and it was, you know, no reply or nothing. And it's like, cool. Um we did our part, they didn't do theirs, so it was addressed. And then this person was like kind of like upset saying like, "I didn't walk away. I did this. I did that or whatever." And it's like, "Brother, you're lying to I have the receipts." You know what I mean? I was like, I was literally I was in the phone my plemish with my partner Jordan. And I was like,

20:57 "Bro, this person just messaged me. I'm going to call you back. I'm going send him a voice message. Like, I'm not going to text no voice message." No, I didn't. Cuz Jordan was like, "Brother, [laughter] don't do that." I was like, "You're right." You like, "You're right. I shouldn't." He's like, "Take say that." And I was like, "Okay, cool." And then like I reflected. I was like, "That was a flush moment. I just knew it. My heart was racing. I was upset. Um, and then I was about to do it and I'm like, "You're right, bro." So then he just briefly, cuz he knows me, he's like briefly like, "Just don't do this. You know what's right. Say this and you'll be good." Okay, cool. And that's when I sent a message. But it's like I knew that emotion. I knew that feeling and it wasn't right. And actually, it worked out great because that's the way that you're supposed to apply. >> I mean, that's the way that you're supposed to answer with love, with kindness. Um, you supposed to be quick

21:42 to to to speak. You know, you're supposed to be slow, listen, and reflect. And you know, I love the message over again and I'm like, "Okay, cool." Like, "I'm not I'm not in his shoes. >> I don't know what's going on over there in that side." You know what I mean? >> That's where the compassion comes. >> That's where the compassion comes in. I'm like, "Dude, you know, I was like, yo, this don't even worry about this. Like, we'll cover it." Like, I was like looking for ways to be like, >> I should act in love. >> Peacemaker. >> Peacemaker. Dude, I'm blessed. >> Blessed are the peacemaker. No, I think the Bible is very clear about this about how to act in um in the spirit and not in our flesh. >> And I'm saying like this because it's truly easier said than done, you guys. Like whenever you're in the moment, you're like, "Oh my goodness, I need you to empower me right now because I feel very strongly about something."

22:29 >> And the Bible says in Ephesians 4 that in your anger, do not sin. >> Yeah. >> Right. like in your anger acknowledging like you're going to be angry. That's that's normal. That's human, but you don't have to sin in your anger. And what does that look like? Well, rage, >> right? >> Um false like speaking in a way that is not honoring to God, aka cursing or yelling or um like actually physically throwing things or um hurting someone physically. Mhm. >> Um it can be even lying, right? Like in your anger, do not sin. >> And that is oddly comforting because

23:15 [clears throat] yes, we're all going to be angry, but don't sin into it. Also in Proverbs, I had it and I lost it. >> She lost it. >> I lost Proverbs, but it was really good. Oh my goodness. Wait, is it here? >> What was the question? Um, how to tell the difference between responding in the flesh versus responding in a God-honoring way. I think I did find it. Um, I didn't find it. >> Yeah, I think uh I think you've done really good with that. Can't even get flowers anymore. >> Wait, what? [laughter] I think you've been doing better with uh responding, not not responding to your flesh cuz like you said earlier like even since young like she's been very like I'm

24:02 going to stand up for you and I'm going to say what I need to say. You know what I mean? >> And uh obviously you're young, you know, like you don't know me better, you know, >> but it's still wrong regardless, you know? >> Uh but like growing up reflecting on that and being like, "Okay, cool. I know how to respond and I know how to be more loving." I think you've been you've been doing a lot better with that just cuz you know you you're you at the end of the day, you know. >> I appreciate that. Yeah. You know what's funny? Um >> the proverbs that I open was actually the right problem. So, thank you, Holy Spirit. >> Um it's Proverbs 14:29. People with understanding control >> their anger. A hot temper shows great foolishness. So, wisdom is being able to control your anger. Wisdom is being able to realize, okay Lord, this is not from

24:49 you. This is from the flesh. Like I am feeling angry about this situation or with this person. >> I am not going to curse them out. I am not going to raise my voice, >> right? I'm going to be slow to anger. I'm going to be slow to speak. I'm going to seek you, Lord, in wisdom so you're able to let me know, right? Keep me in check and be quick to listen, right? Um, I'm gonna give you an example. Literally super silly, but uh my husband and I we went on a date night and I got angry with him because this is so embarrassing. Hold on. I remember I was angry at him because we were

25:34 filming for my vlog for my YouTube channel and um I was telling you I was like can you like film me like film B-roll, right? And then [laughter] it's funny now because it's literally so silly. I was opening the the box of of pizza and he's like, "Oh, they'll open it cuz like I'm not eating it." I'm like, "This is for Bibbo." And then I was so mad at him. I was looking for B-roll and then I took the camera, I turned it off and then I was looking at the screen and was like, "I don't like when you do that." [laughter] And I'm like, "What?" He's like, "I don't like when you do that." I'm like, "What do you mean? You just got angry for no reason." And I'm like, "No, baby. I am sorry. I'm sorry. That's true." You know, I just got angry for no reason. So, literally like little things like

26:21 that, you guys. Like I know it sounds funny and silly, but that's when the Holy Spirit like you should give the Holy Spirit room to check you. And like he used Rudy and he was like, "Babe, you you you don't have to get angry." And I'm like, "You know what? That's true. I'm sorry." And you know what? I didn't feel like saying sorry in that moment, but >> I'm operating. >> Hey, >> with the Holy Spirit, Lloyd, yes, I'm wrong here. So, yes. Wow. Um, >> yeah, but that's just an example. >> W feminine, W submissive, W husband. Uh, wait, wives. Listen to that. [laughter] >> Go ahead. >> What are you doing? >> Efusion. >> So, another scripture that has been

27:08 blessing me a lot, you guys, and I want you to like write this down in your notebook or like highlight in your in your Bible. It is Colossians 3:8. But now you must also rid yourself of all such things as these anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. We have to rid ourself off of these things. We have to rid it. We have to get rid of it. >> Um, and it comes up naturally in our flesh. We have to kill our flesh by reminding our flesh that we that's not like dominating us. We are in in charge of our flesh. Right. >> Exactly. So, um, we have to rid of it. Um, I know it sounds easy or it might sound hard for you if we're dealing with these things, but yeah, >> with the Holy Spirit, we're able to

27:53 conquer our flesh and walk in the spirit. >> I agree. Put put your flesh um through submission to that. >> Put it under submission, man. Easier said than done, but it can be done because it's a new word. So, >> Mhm. >> Praise God. >> I have a question for you. >> You have a verse? >> I don't, man. >> Wow. You don't have a verse? So >> me too this time. >> How do you confront someone without trying to win the argument? >> How do you confront someone without trying to win the argument? >> Uh it's easy. Reply because you were listening. Don't reply because you're white. >> Wait a minute. >> That was

28:39 >> I love you. That was straight from heaven. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Philosopher. >> Say it one more time. >> I've been listening podcast, man. I've been I've been reading. >> I can tell. >> I've been reading. Yeah. Yeah. >> Say one more time. >> I forgot what I said. >> That's how you know the Holy Ghost. >> That was reply because you're listening, not because you want to be right or wrong. >> Yeah. Exactly. And it's like now you're quick to listen, slow to speak like we just read in the Bible. So, uh, yeah, I think I think that's probably the best, um, way to go about it is just be wise with it, >> you know. >> Yeah, >> that's all your wisdom. >> That's all the wisdom. >> That should be really good. I think I agree. I think um, >> you know, wanting to win an argument is

29:26 obviously very rewarding. You know, saying yes, you know, I told you so. >> Yeah. Yeah. I told you so. >> I told you so. I was right. >> Extremely rewarding. However, that is not the goal. The end goal is not to be right. The end goal is not to win. The end goal is to understand and be understood. Exactly. So I think keeping that in mind of like >> I want this person to know that I'm listening to them even though I don't agree with them. >> I am listening to them and that can take things very very far. Like I remember one time we were um preaching the gospel to one of our family members and they weren't understanding and they were saying their points as to why they are right as to why they don't agree with the faith >> and I remember you those very well you were like

30:12 telling this person like um just listening you was listening to this person and sharing the the word of God in a way that it it was making sense to them because you were not trying to win or be like, "This is what the scripture said." I'm like, >> "Yeah, I should see what you're saying. That is true." But, you know, have you thought about this? >> Right. >> Right. Like having the posture of like I just want to know that I hear you. >> Exactly. >> Right. Like I want you to understand that I hear you and I'm and I'm listening to what you're saying >> and I'm not trying to win this because ultimately you guys winning and being like, "Oh, I told you so." is very shortlived. Like yes, you may feel really fulfilled in the moment, but ultimately um what is it that you're winning? >> Exactly.

30:57 >> What is it that you're winning? Like >> the person being like >> not feeling that peace after the conversation, right? Like >> leaving things in a sour way. >> Exactly. >> What is it that you're winning? >> Yeah. You should really ask yourself that. It's like what am I going to get out of this? Um and even when you are in a conflict situation like where is this going? Is this a ego to evil fight? Like that's probably what it is. Like I'm I'm I'm right. No, I'm right. Okay, cool. Like we're not going to get anywhere. We're just gonna butttheads. It doesn't make sense. Especially like especially when the Lord is like incorporated in it. Like you don't ever want to leave someone with a sour taste, you know? So it's like for me when it comes to confrontation and just like arguments or whatever, like I'd rather just let it be. Let it be and then keep going, you

31:42 know? Say my peace. My peace was understood. Cool. But um yeah, just I don't know. I think it's just a it's a it's a people skill you got to build. You got to build a people skill. And how do you build a people skill? By being submitted to the Holy Spirit and loving people. That's how you build a people skill. Conversations, all that stuff. Cool. That's like brownie points. But you don't have to have all these like dialogue and all these fancy words. All you do is just love Jesus so much that you just love people so well, >> you know? And that's the thing like you you would reflect that in the little that you know, in the little knowledge that you know. You don't got to know the Bible from Genesis Revelation to love on people. You can reflect the love of Christ without knowing every single Bible verse, you know? So, it's like, how can you do that with people who are giving you a hard time? Like, that's the wisest thing you can do. >> Yeah. And I think also when we are in

32:28 Christ, I think things shift because we're no longer fighting our battles anymore. >> We know who he is. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> And just how in the in the scriptures, Romans Romans 8:28, he works everything together >> Exactly. for the good of those who love him. Like he does work everything out. So when you understand that, you know that man, I don't have to prove my point to be right. I don't have to um seek confrontation to to be understood because ultimately I know that God is fighting for me, right? >> I don't need to seek revenge. I don't need to plot things up. I don't need to make this person understand that, hey, hey, I was right. No, I say what I have

33:14 to say for my own peace in a way that is loving and honoring to the Lord, but that's it. I leave it there. >> Exactly. >> Right. Like I I leave the Lord to handle what he can handle. >> Exactly. >> Because the only person that's hearing conversations and seeing things that you're not seeing is God. >> Right. >> But not only that, God loves you so much that he wants you to be at peace. He wants you to be healthy emotionally, physically mentally. >> So, at this point, I feel like you have to understand like as a believer, we have that that that I don't know that um confidence >> that confidence. Yeah. >> We have that confidence knowing >> that he got us. >> We don't longer have to fight. We don't longer have to strive. We don't have to do that. And believe it or not, prayer

34:00 is such a powerful tool that many believers don't utilize in this sense. Like if there are things that are bothering you, it can be with a friends, it can be with your partner, it can be with your family members, and you feel like you're not being understood, you're saying your peace, you're you're you're communicating your emotions in a way that is godly, but things are still not shifting and changing. Bring it to the Lord in prayer. >> Right? Like there's so many things the Lord can do that only he can do. Like you can say what you got to say, but God is the one that softens the heart. >> So you have to seek him out in prayer and believe and trust that he hears you, >> right? >> And you leave it to the Lord and you just continue and you be peaceful and do your [clears throat] thing. >> Yeah. And like and even with confrontations like don't be naive

34:47 either. Like don't be like, "Yeah, just stomp all over me." Like don't do that too. You can be too harsh on people, but then you can also be so soft where it's like people don't respect you to a degree like Paul he de he debated debated um and you know the Bible says like if they don't receive your message wipe the dust off your feet and go to the next town like just it is what it is if they don't receive your message cool but you can also you know with love and with with care you can still disagree with someone and let them know your peace you know it's not wrong to do that I think is the hard posture behind why you're doing it so it's like don't listen to this and be like, "Okay, cool. I'm going just let everyone say this, right?" You know what I mean? >> Because I'm not getting >> No, they're definitely not getting that. I'm just saying as a reference. Um, you

35:33 know, but it's like you also don't want to have >> character. Like you you want to have character. You want to be firm in your faith. You want to be firm in who I am. And it's like this is my piece also. Like I I feel upset that you did this, you know, and it's like if you have the right to say that because it was done wrong, cool. Say it. Speak your peace. Speak your mind. I think it's healthy to do that. >> I think it's very healthy to be be Yeah. outspoken. Um, so if you're struggling to be outspoken or you're struggling to be like, man, I'm struggling to be no vocal, you know, do it. Do it for yourself, for your sense of peace, because what it does is it bottles you in. It bottles you in even more. And it's like the more people that do it, the more you bottling in and then you're going to explode at one point. And it's like you're not going to be able to have self-control over yourself because of that. So then don't get to a point where it's like there's so much going on and you're suppressing it all because you

36:18 want to be so nice. It's damaging you. M is doing good. Speak to somebody about it. And it's like let somebody else know um so they can help you and even talk about these things. Or it's like you know if you know you know if I'm in the confrontation like I'm going to say my peace and that's one step you know for me to be outspoken and if it doesn't go well cool but at least I I did what I didn't do before was say something instead of nothing you know um and then you progress you progress from there. >> Yeah. I think also if you are uh a people's pleaser, which I feel like many people can relate to that, um you have to learn how to establish boundaries and you have to be very confident in those boundaries. >> Oh, that's good. Yeah. >> Like let your nose be no like

37:03 >> Yeah. >> No is a full a full sentence like actually. And you don't have to explain yourself um unless you feel led to do that. But if you don't feel comfortable about something, just be like no. If you feel like you want to say yes, say yes. >> Um, but I think starting with establishing boundaries is really really helpful because you know like what is it that you're um allowing to pass and what is it that you're allowing not to really affect you. Um so boundaries is really important. I think u many people who struggle with um people pleasing they don't have boundaries. >> They don't they don't they don't. They don't really know like okay yes no maybe yeah sure you know no >> let your yes be yes but you know be no anything in between is from the devil the Bible says from understand

37:50 [laughter] my bad >> um but truly like that's that's in the scriptures so [laughter] you have to you have to be very firm with your your your self and your boundaries so it's really important also if you are like me where I am super easy to be like Yes, you know, you have to also ask the Lord to help you be more aware of the way that you say things that be more aware of um how you're making people feel. Even if you are right, there's ways to go about it. >> Um but it's always seeking wisdom, you know, it's always seeking the Lord. >> Exly. Then that's something that I've also been like um I I've noticed it about a year ago where I was like I would let's say for example say yes or

38:36 no with like no explanation or anything. Um but sometimes it depends like if it's a regular conversation someone asked for something um I've learned to say it in a way that makes sense you know cuz sometimes I may intend to say something but it's like because I word it a certain way now it's perceived a certain way. >> So I'm like okay I got to fix that. So if I say like for example, hey, can you bring me that cushion? No. Like what? Say like, um, I I can I'm doing something right now, so just give me a second and I'll do it. Or I can't right now cuz I'm doing something, you know? Um, sorry. But like that's way better. And I'm like, okay, cool. How can I do that in every scenario? So I don't have to hurt the other individual, make them feel like I said it in a rude way, but how can I word it better? Um, and again

39:21 that's comes that comes with just like practicing it out, explaining things in detail. Like look at things. And this is something that we spoke to in the call here. Like if you want to be able to articulate your words better, um, record yourself, look at yourself with your volume and see like your hand gestures and see what you did. Study it in body language. That's pretty good. >> Yeah. And then also >> um, just use the audio and hear yourself. How many ums do you say? How many times you pause? How many times you like mess up or whatever? And like now you able to see like, okay, am I getting better? Am I not describing these things like was I actually being detailed or not? Like just studying yourself. It does help. You know, it is a skill for you to build. But I think it's a great skill because if you can get your point across in a way that people can understand it, then it's it's going to save a lot of people time. It doesn't save you a lot of time from explaining things that you didn't mean to say, but

40:07 other people thought you said it a certain way. You know, >> that's so good. I think ultimately um just to close out the video, I think ultimately the most important thing is seeking out wisdom. You know, in the Bible, the word, it says that um wisdom is truly how we lead our lives. With wisdom, we're able to understand and dissect and um be discerning with what we're doing. >> And wisdom is gained by the scriptures. Like you have to read the Bible for yourself. You have to study the word. You have to fall in love with the word because truly the more you read it, the more you understand that it's lit up in different ways. In many ways, doesn't matter if you're starting to read the word since you were like 3 years old and you're like 40, it will still be

40:54 different. You'll be fresh. That's the mysteries literally of the of the literally the word of God. >> Um, but read your word like read it, study it. Are you okay? >> Do you have your friend with you? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. um you have to really seek out wisdom in the Holy Spirit. And that's just our call as believers that um we are supposed to fall in love. Like not supposed to, but we have the privilege. I think that's a better word. >> We got to we got to >> It's a privilege. It's truly it's a privilege to have this and >> learn it and have it in our hearts because I'm telling you guys like >> this is something that is always happening. Like we're always going to be confronted with conflict and we have to

41:40 confront other people. But how do we do it well? How do we do it in a way that is honoring to God and honoring to people and the way that you do that? It truly says so much about who you are and what God is doing in your life. Because the more that you seek out the Holy Spirit, the more you look like Jesus and people literally like they will see Jesus through you even in the midst of a confrontation. >> I agree. That's good. Praise God. Uh to close off, I know we said last week that we're going to read the top comment of whatever that was in the last video. >> I had that already. >> Did you really? >> Uhhuh. >> You took a screenshot. >> No, but >> it's my >> Are you seeing Say my last name again? >> It's my >> That's who That's who was the top. >> No, I need you to relate the top three, dude. >> The top three

42:25 >> icon >> when she got 25. It was literally Yeah. >> Yes. I know she I love you. Thank you. [laughter] But this is >> You got to leave yours though. You got the top comment. >> Oh, we're going to read yours 100%. But there's like three that were like the top. >> And the comments were hilarious in our comeback episode, which by the way, shout out to you guys. Thank you for the love and support. >> So much. >> Wait, let me show him the comments so he can read it. >> Was it? >> You see that? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't see this one. I've never clicked on a video this fast. I missed you guys so much.

43:10 >> Hell yeah. >> Um, it's my literally binge was literally binge watching the old content from last week and now here y'all are. God is amazing. >> He does amazing. >> Yeah, I love you guys. And we're back. [laughter] >> The beard is gone even though. >> Okay, >> that was Kylie. >> All right. All right. The beer is going you guys. So >> it is it is >> I kept the ming over here. Yeah. [laughter] Literally. >> Amazing. Thank you so much for your comments, for your support. Uh we also are posting a lot of like exclusive content on our Instagram. So make sure you guys are following us on Tik Tok and Instagram @ heavenbond. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. >> Is there anything else you want to share?

43:55 >> Eddieolo, I missed this. What a joy that on a day like today you you're back. Good luck, guys. I love you, buddy. Love you, buddy. That's That's our brother. I don't believe in luck, brother, cuz I'm a man of God, who is Jesus Christ, the one and only God. >> I don't believe in luck. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in Jesus. >> I believe God. >> Oh, >> exactly. That's our brother. So, I can say that to him. Don't feel offended. [laughter] >> Loving conversation. Love. Love competition. Love >> you. Love you. >> Thank you guys [laughter] so much for watching. I hope this video was a blessing for you guys >> and we'll see you on our next one. Bye.