Full transcript of “Why would an ENFJ like an INTP anyway? 🤔”. Click a timestamp to open the video at that moment. Need another video? Use the YouTube transcript generator.
0:00 hello everyone I'm Megan lavota and I'm an ENFJ and I just upgraded my internet so instead of waiting five hours to upload I probably can upload this pretty quickly and I'm waiting for a friend to come over but I thought that I would test to see out how fast my internet is and I know you guys probably don't really care about this but I'm pretty excited but I thought I would answer a question that I get all the time and it's kind of funny to me so I guess I'll answer it why would an ENFJ like an INTP
0:51 now if you guys don't know I've made a couple videos about intps one was how do I view intps as an ENFJ and in that video I kind of talked about how I feel like we could be a very compatible type but it also can be kind of like a love-hate relationship because the way that I think that Ian Ian fj's and intps handle conflict can be quite opposite where Ian if J's like to say exactly how they feel at that moment and work it out right now fe and se for those following along at home with their functions and int peas
1:41 like to just need some space take a break wait to cool off before they talk about something which annoys the crap out of an ENFJ who's wanting to know is something wrong like did I do something wrong like can I fix it like yeah so intps could be pretty passive aggressive and enfjs can be kind of aggressive so there's that and so there is sort of a love-hate relationship going on there and I've had a lot of intps reach out to me and say that what I talked about reminded them of an instance with an ex and I've had a lot of people say even comment on some of my videos saying like
2:27 a lot of my videos where I've talked about is TPS or just an est P even I've talked about how I feel like I'm compatible with an STP I've had some people be like well no even if Jason intps or perfect matches like I believe in it and I'm just like yeah I don't know I don't know if there is a perfect match I don't think so but I do think that there are some types that can kind of cause a chemical reaction that could be good or bad I think INF peas and enfjs can kind of do this to where there's they're kind of drawn to each other but then maybe they'll find out later like oh oh we aren't as similar as we thought it's kind of how it feels with intps too and
3:14 I think it's because for an ENFJ are extroverted sensing is very abrasive to an INFP or an intp anyway I don't know if I believe in perfect types but I've had people ask me like they think I've had INTP say to me that they really love an ENFJ or they really were in love with an ENFJ and they really got a lot out of that relationship but they don't understand how they're getting something in return in an intp which the first time I heard that I laughed because I had no clue that at ITP got anything out of a relationship with an
3:59 ENFJ because they always act like they don't need anyone and when I was with an intp and I have dated a couple other intps very casually aside from that one where I was in a relationship with I had no clue that I was valued at all like cuz I could be kind of stupid where something's not said to me straightforward I'm not gonna like assume anything cuz I get really like pissed off whenever people assume things about me and so I really try not assume things about others and I think that a lot of the way a lot of the
4:44 communication style of an intp can be kind of a can be kind of sneaky or like secretive like trying to like just say it underneath they seem to use a lot of like euphemisms and like dance around the point which can kind of annoy me but I think that a lot of the way they show affection you have to sort of like have your magnifying glass out to even see it and so since I don't want to assume too much about me I don't want to assume I feel like the best way for me to be
5:29 humble is to look around and assume that nobody gives a crap about me they're just living their own own life because they aren't reacting to me like I'm just doing my life they're just doing their life and so something that might seem like an obvious reaction to me or an obvious appreciation to me unless you say I appreciate you I probably am not gonna know that that's what you're thinking and I NCP's seem to like I want people to read their minds a little bit because they don't want to communicate the hard things that might be vulnerable to share where I just don't like reading someone's mind I want someone to say it to me straight up or else I'm not really gonna probably believe you and I've gotten a little better at just reading signs in general but that's mostly the
6:16 case and so I was shocked to even hear that question that was a common question and the more I kept getting it people reaching out individually it shocks it shocked me because I did not know that that was the thing some of you guys might even be here right now like that's not a thing I hate enfjs you guys are annoying as hell I would never be with an ENFJ well okay that's fine because you have to remember that everyone's different just because you have a personality type doesn't mean anything really about your values or your principles or how you were raised or other things about your personality I mean I was saying in my INFP video that some infps seem to like to be mysterious and think that extroverts are dumb and
7:02 look down on them and I had some mine of peace be like well I'm not like that I I'm jealous of introverts or I'm jealous of extroverts okay well you are but some people look down on them and ing peas are like this too or some intps will really envy the way that I'm able to communicate my feelings and fit into a group but some of them will like look down on that some intps think it's dumb to seek happiness or to smile or really anything like that and you know the main difference between those two types of when tepees is whether or not their interpretive thinking has come to the conclusion that extraverted feeling or happiness or nothing two are linked but for in order for an intp honestly to get
7:48 along with me their introverted thinking would have to come to the conclusion that community is important that love is greater than fear that you know relationships you know are an important part to every working system like an intp would have to come to that conclusion or else I'm not really gonna understand what I'm doing or why I do what I do and they might doubt that I even have reasons for why I do things that I do and I always have reasons I just don't really share unless someone asks and so yeah to get to the point of this video I'm gonna start now but I realize I didn't finish a point earlier
8:34 is that I said I did one video about how I view intps I also did another about the difference between mature and immature intps which I'll also link below and I also did a video about why do int P's hate me which was just sort of a response to my first ITV video where I was so shocked by the response and intps taking a lot of things personally I just think that that was because I sort of see their weak spots but I think that they see my weak spots too so it just depends on what you're looking at if you're judging everyone based on their emotional intelligence which is kind of how I judge people because I don't really want to be around
9:19 people who aren't very emotionally intelligent because I think that that is what hurts people that's the scariest trait a low emotional children's that's someone that I view as a threat that could hurt me it is people that are acting out fear and acting cowardly and okay I've said I said in one IEP video that unhealthy intps could be cowards let me say something about cowards really quick I don't like cowards not because I am trying to be mean to them not that I don't empathize with the fear but I know that the fear fear is opposite of love and ironically I'm afraid of cowards and
10:04 I know that that's weird because I'm also afraid and I'm judging someone for being afraid but it makes sense it's I'm afraid of people who are afraid to be true to themselves because if you're afraid then you're gonna inflict pain on people and if you live your life by fear then you're going to be kind of a dick and kind of someone I don't want to be around and kind of people that if you can't process your feelings you're just gonna throw them on people without knowing and I think that some intps can be that way where if they are deeply deeply painful they if they have a deep pain that they haven't worked through
10:51 and they don't want to think about it and then they just it's like it's like they're just everywhere like they aren't potty-trained and they're just getting their childhood trauma over everyone else without even knowing it because they don't think it matters cuz they are focus on their feelings and I know that's a really really harsh it's kind of the abrasiveness that I mentioned but I want to get to the point of this video I had a lot of disclaimers and I only did so because I love intps and it is so crazy to me to even think that people would want to know the answer to this what does an ENFJ get out of an intp well enfjs and intps have
11:42 something in common that no other type has in common they are judgers first so an intp uses interpretive thinking and an ENFJ uses exerted feeling and that that judging is supported by intuition and so both of us have a sensing blind spot and both of us are concerned with social groups and systems when we are always pressing our ideology onto the world we see the lens we the the lens through which we see the world has our ideology all over it which is another reason why some intps I might get knocking along with if we have a different ideology but if we have the
12:28 same ideology and that's gonna be good but we are always thinking we're always scanning the world and making a judgment that's based on our idea our ideology but the thing is is that our ideology is supported by our exhilarating function which is intuition and we have a sensing blind spot and so we're very forceful with our ideology this is what I think or that that's rude that's mean like that's causing harm or that system stupid like we just are that judging and then um supported by if you were to ask an IEP I mean an INTP who
13:14 knows that they're right they're gonna just be like I just know like you're stupid if you don't know like I just don't learn their logic but they won't necessarily try and prove it to you by pointing to fifteen studies and pointing to something sensory they're gonna be sort of philosophical and be like well if this is true then this is true and if this is true then this is true and if all of these are true then Ali leaves one option so they're gonna be like very rational still but still using intuition and so they're supported they have a sensing blind spot and so they're sharing their opinion and then if someone questions that opinion they're
14:00 gonna use intuition to try back it up and then if someone questions their intuition then they're gonna get suddenly a little frightened because they don't really have any sensing to back it up they'll use their interpreted sensing to try and back it up but at the end of the day they have a sensing blind spot they have terrible extroverted sensing and so they might feel like their intuition is a little wobbly and that's scary because that wobbly intuition is holding up their worldview and the world use number one their principles their ideas their ideology that's number one for them that's introverted thinking and then after that held up by wobbly intuition and then don't know how to use sensing and so there's that dynamic and eating
14:46 of Jays have that very similarly but we're saying like our ideology you know we're all wine and this is just examples of ideology any type can have any ideology I'll be like we're all wine or loves the answer blah blah blah if you ask me why I'll like say something intuitive I won't try and prove it in the sensory world but then if people keep questioning me I'm gonna feel a little shaky about that and so I think both intps and enfjs can both be pretty defensive because we hold our perspective very near and dear to us but we're like kind of afraid and always sort of doubting deep deep down that that's even true because we know we aren't seeing things 100% clearly in the
15:33 sensory world we know you're using intuition but we're still trying to like since we're intuitive 'he's that also use TI and fe and are judging us first we look want people to agree we want to be persuasive te and fi does not care as much about being persuasive they'll just say oh that's the facts take it or leave it but i tepees when they're arguing with you they like want you to see their logic even if they don't act like they care I mean they don't really care they're not gonna be personally offended and the way in ENFJ might but they are just gonna want to convince you because they want people to know the right thing and they want people to do the right thing and they don't want people to go around living in ignorance and always them to live amongst people that are
16:19 doing things that are done and so they're gonna tell you if they think that something doesn't make sense or that you're doing it wrong or whatever and I appreciate that I appreciate that so much that's why I get along with intps because I am always wanting to refine my perspective and be a better person I I welcome criticism so much but people are like I think afraid to cross me in a way I don't know why but I feel like nobody ever gives me the harsh truth that I'm looking for and there are many times I'm just like please will you just please tell me what I'm doing wrong did I work with this ESTJ guy that is
17:05 sort of like well I guess that's one approach like when I say something and I will kind of aggressively be like do you think I should be doing it differently am I wrong do you have any ideas please and and he's kind of passive-aggressive but an intp I work with he told me once this looks like and I was like oh I appreciated that because why would I want to continue doing something if it's wrong what why would I want to live by a system that is faulty like I appreciate ITP so much and
17:53 another thing I'm gonna go back to that point if anyone wants me to and probably at the end but here's the thing Ian if J's look like they're super popular and so likeable blah blah blah we can charm people but people don't just we aren't really that loved and it's because we're rare and I know that sounds really douchey to say but sure people think that we're charming but they're gonna discover sooner or later that we're not in ESF J even though we have exerted feeling sooner or later when the relationship starts going we're gonna realize that we don't see eye to eye because I'm using
18:39 interpreted intuition which is the most rare function so sure I could charm people but then when they get to know me are they gonna actually see what I'm saying are they gonna actually appreciate my ideas or my intuition or are they gonna be shocked that I'm not just like everyone else and I think that enfjs deal with this thing where they want to be loved so badly they want to have intimacy they want to be they want to feel understood and an ENFJ we're extroverted and so we get our and we get our energy from the external world but the best thing for us really is meaningful deep rich conversations where
19:28 you're learning about another person that's different from you and they are learning about you and you're both learning and growing that conversation and I think that intps like those sort of conversations they might not be able to have the energy to have them as often as we want to have them which was an issue in one of my relationships that might resonate with you or an ENFJ just wants to have those sort of conversations all the time we're an intp those are the conversations they live for but they just can't have them all the time it's sort of like for me I love reading books but I get too antsy if I'm sitting around reading a book too long it's not that I don't like reading the book I
20:14 just need energy I need to do something else I need to talk to people I need to do something I can't sit still for that long an intp I would imagine feel similarly talking to me deeply about their lives about a concept about an idea they have that they live for those sort of conversations but that they can't have them as often as an ENFJ might want but you have to realize that just because you can't have them as much as we want it doesn't mean that whenever we're not with you that we're off having them all the time because most people will literally can't have those conversations I really like ip's in general INTP INFP isfp is TP because
21:02 they spend so much time forming their own individual perspective and listening they have like way more to add to the things I'm saying especially intps no other type aside from ITP in my experience has as much to add to what I have to say I will throw out something like Oh like I feel like this might be a theme going on in our political climate and it'll be like did you read this book that talks about this oh did you hear this podcast that said this have you thought about this concept before here's a quote from one of my favorite like politicians the they'll just like back
21:48 up it's almost like they're supporting with ti and si my belief that my fe and ni is seeing from the external world you have to realize like an INTP and an ENFJ might be able to have fruitful conversations and get along but I'm inspired by observing people in their natural habitat in the real world in the real world where an intp will read a philosopher and read their observations or something and less so are they observing actual people interact so I will have an idea that I see from a group of people and I won't even necessarily say I got it from this group of people I'll say this is something I
22:34 was thinking about and they will be like oh I've never thought of it like that but it reminds me of all of these either science experiment philosopher quote like something that is more something you could point to I feel like I say these grand sweeping like hmm I don't know about this and the day like are able to sort of like source it like if I was trying to do a five page five paragraph essay or whatever about my point I wouldn't have any external sources I would just be like I think this is right and it's like talking to an INTP is almost like sourcing my argument for me or giving me sources I didn't consider that disagree with me and it just expands my perspective more
23:22 than any other type can and in some cases it might even make up for the issues with conflict if conflict arises I think an INTP and an ENFJ relationship could be really great if you - while calm talk about what is the protocol for when conflict arises what is something that can work for both of us you have to talk about it not in the heat of the argument because an ENFJ and the heat of an argument is not someone that you want around okay and if that happens if you see an ENFJ who is pissed off at you you better just Pat them on the head okay like they aren't gonna convict they they don't
24:09 know how to go off on their own and calm down and the way an INTP does because we don't get energy from being alone we lose energy and being alone thinking about it makes us feel worse and a lot of times why enfjs want to talk about things during conflict is because they know that if they don't talk about it now they're gonna come back a way more resentful person and they're not going to be able to forget what happened and we want to talk it through because we don't want to resent it we don't want to think about it more and create more problems in our head and so even though you're able to do that EDF days are different so the only way that this relationship can even work is if you guys talk about how to approach conflict because conflict is always gonna come up no matter how good the relationship is even if you guys are
24:56 amazing like so in love conflicts still gonna happen like conflict happens with your parents and your siblings and any strong relationship has conflict and so you guys gotta know what that is because you know all these other things that intps do give me Oh another thing is that they give me attention and I know that's funny Oh Annie you know Jay likes attention that's hilarious but yeah I didn't know that that was the thing but tepees actually pay attention to your logic and most people will just completely don't even pay attention to that and that's like something there and if they're not sure they help me figure
25:41 out and refined what my logic is and though it just gets my head on straight like it it grounds me so much and they notice that little things about me that nobody else seems to notice and there are a lot of reasons why Dean of Jay would like an intp and I think that this question really hints at something I talked about in my mature and immature INTP video is that intps really wants to be loved and well really everyone does but intps want to be loved and they
26:27 sometimes don't know if they're capable of it they sometimes they're kind of self-deprecating about it and some of you might be saying well no I'm not I just was curious well that's fine you are curious but you wouldn't be curious about why someone would like you if you had stronger self-esteem and I know you might be saying now oh I know why someone might like me I just don't understand why Nina Jay would be interested and a loner sort of person like an intp well you don't really have the self esteem unless you know why every type would find value in you because you know that value is inherent that has nothing to do with their
27:13 perception it has everything to do with you and so that's something I see in intps that most of them just always want to do the right thing and sometimes just don't know what the right thing is but they're always willing to do the right thing and that's what I like about them is that even though they might be terrible humans and hurt people and be a little bit crass they always seem to do it because I think it's the right thing to do and I respect that and yeah so I know a lot of
27:59 this video wasn't me being very directly answering that question but I hope that I hope that was interesting and I hope that you understand that like another thing is that extroverts don't just want necessarily another extrovert because a lot of times especially Enoch J's we feel very alone within a crowd and all we really want is for someone to see us for who we really are and that's why we're always around people but if you could see us for who we really are and appreciate us for who we really are and allow us to share our ideas that we notice that nobody else seems to want to hear you have to remember that is that I know that I am teepees don't really talk
28:44 to people unless they feel like they want to hear their ideas even J's talked to people all the time and are like constantly rejected for something that like all like bring up a theory and people be like oh that's nice or like oh that's weird oh I don't know and and we're constantly rejected for sharing our opinions so imagine how it feels to always be talking about things that you notice or trying to bring up some sort of interesting intuitive topic and feeling constantly rejected like people just not on your wavelength not interested and not wanting to talk about ideas honestly I mean most people are sensors but also like even like n FPS or NT J's they
29:34 aren't as curious about getting to the TI root of what is something they'll just kind of neglect yeah they just neglected Ti I mean I like a ntps for a lot of the similar reasons as I like intps I MGP seem to really observe more of me and understand me and all in ENFJ wants us to be understood and respected so yeah it's like a breath of fresh air to be always sharing your opinions or always trying to nudge people to see if they wouldn't
30:19 want to you know go deep with you and talk about some concept that you were thinking about and not having anyone want to it makes you feel so lonely even if you're always doing group things even if you have a big family even if you have a big group of friends it still feels lonely no matter how many people you really appreciate hanging out with on their own right maybe they get you out of your own head maybe they want to go out to a club or something with you you know you're a group of friends that's still all good and fun but an ENFJ is not gonna feel like they belong until they're understood and also until their deep subconscious opinions
31:05 are sort of drawn out of us and only an intp or an ISTP can really draw that out and you know I just have to say an intp that I once knew I still owe a lot to if you are watching this I remember being told that if someone is your friend or if they spend time around you or decide to be around you then that automatically means that they want to know what your opinions are about things and that I shouldn't have to wait to be asked because if someone Grace's me with their presence then that means that they are
31:52 open to hearing my opinions and that I should share them the all of them not just the the tip of the iceberg that there may be the people around me are curious about what I have to say and I probably wouldn't even have this YouTube channel if it wasn't for that person who told me that so yeah that was a very influential moment in my life to be told that and I wasn't told that before and I wasn't sharing my opinions before it's because of an INTP that I even feel like you know maybe someone wants to hear what I have to say it makes me more confident because you know even if you don't want to hear what I have to say that's fine go away like leave me alone like I'm gonna be talking about what I want to say and everyone
32:38 else who wants to hear it can stick around and that's a good way to end this if you would like to stick around and you would I have to say subscribe to this channel and also I have a Facebook group called personality typology for self growth I will link below we have lots of amazing conversations on there and if you would like also support me on patreon and I'll have that linked below too thank you and have a wonderful day
