You Won’t Last 40 Minutes Watching the Justin Bursts Compilation With Justin, Fuko, Yeika & Others

0:01 Oh, bonjour. Bonjour. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, hello. It's just so weird to be back in the United States. I'm so glad to be back in the United States, but I'm really going to miss the baguette. What' you call me? In the croissants. You know, your voice sounds different. Oh, I was just so enriched in the culture. The accent is just so contagious. You were only there for four weeks. That is the funny part. I just I didn't feel like a tourist. I felt like I was Mizun. Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, your people say home. Well, careful. Oh, no. It's okay. I'm used to the cobblestone streets of Terry. So, what is for dinner? I'm starving. Hamburgers. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just I'm so used to

0:49 having ratatouille or esargo. Could we at least have um macaroons or creme brulee for dessert? We have ice cream. Gelato. No. Do you mind if I play some music? Sure. Okay. What is this? It's real music, baby. That's crazy. Hey, what's up? Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, me and my friends from study abroad are already planning our trip back home to Bi. I smoke, I drink, I [ __ ] [ __ ] I skate. I'm basically the [ __ ] Dad, you can't do this. this. I want to go to fashion school. I'm actually a little girl anymore. Good morning, Miss Bailey. Hey, do you mind if I just It's a thing that I have and your desk is really messy.

1:35 Okay, perfect. Oh, hey. What's up? Did you just touch my water bottle? I'm sorry to be anal about it, but it has a place and it needs to stay in that place. It's a thing I saw on the internet. So, I have OCD. What? Omg, I found out this morning. What's OCD? Obsessive cleaning disorder. The key is early diagnosis. I just have to pull back because I am limited. Hey, Junah. I just Let me just I'll be right there. One second. Just let me just Hey. Um, do you mind if I just It's really You were all the way in the front. Yes, but it's like it's like a six sense of mine. Wait, so how do you know you have OCD? Oh, well, I looked it up online, WebMD, and Mr. MD said that I have three out of 10 of the symptoms. Hey, Miranda.

2:21 Yeah, what's up? Are you serious? Did you seriously just do that? I don't want to have to do this, but I will literally raise my hand. Please go. Oh my god, you guys. I have a new symptom. It says because my BMI is Wait, isn't that obesity? Hey, Miss Bailey. I thought we talked about this, but you're Get the out. Okay. 12:01 June 1st. Yep. We got to let him out. Here we go. Is it time? One month. want. Hey, stop looking at my butt, bro. Have a blueberry, weirdo. Time, bro. Bro, it is time to put on

3:06 this wig. I just I hope it doesn't change who I am. Oh my god, this is so crazy. I feel like a whole woman. Oh my god, look at my curls. I love this so much. Help me. So, we've all heard about the aliens, right? Like, wow, cool. Whatever. Okay. Take me with you. Please. I don't want to be here over here. Ma'am, you left your purse. Oh, thank you. I am such a dit. I'd forget my own butt if it wasn't so big. Haha. Made you look. It's normal. I'm Jenny. Jenny.

3:52 Everyone's always surprised when I tell them I live on a farm until I show them what I do here out at the farm. I don't do any of the farm work. I just play dressed up. Oh, hi. Then Jackson to the living room, please. Please come sit. We have something we need to talk about. I found something under your mattress, Jackson. Oh, those are just guys I want to look like. I don't find them attractive or anything. It was a rapper. I was just trying it on. You know a snack wrapper, Jackson. More specifically, a darkest animal cookie. Those Oh, mom. I'm so sorry. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to your body. I leave snacks out for you and your sisters all the time. You hardly

4:37 touch your leaves. Do you want to know what I do when I feel like stuffing my face with some chemicals? What? I grab some chocolate. Dark, sniff it real good, and grab an organic blueberry from the fridge. It's basically the same thing. I can't even look at you, Jackson. I'm so sorry, Mom. I forgive you. Now, I'm going to go watch Scandal in my room, so don't bother me for the next hour and a half. Mom, I just want to say how sorry I am. Mom, what's that? Well, you caught me. You know what I always say? Do as I say, not as I do. Please get out of my room. Yeah, I actually do dabble a

5:22 little bit in songwriting. I'm too embarrassed. No, I couldn't play you one of my songs. Add a little percussion. My name is Chica. What the? Timmy was a cool kid. Yeah, he was so cool. Yeah. So, that's one of my songs. [Laughter]

6:07 I almost died a second ago. Did you guys see that? Um, I wish that was improv, but it wasn't. Um, do you guys ever have those loose hairs? I literally just had like a hair that like started going down my esophagus and then I took the wig off and it was still stuck in my freaking throat. Hey, you look cold. You know, most people would be cold in temperatures like this, but I think in my past life, I was a penguin. I could really use an iced coffee right now. You know, the writers of Frozen actually looked at me for inspiration when writing Elsa as a character. Am I the only one who could use an iced coffee right now? You're shivering. No, I'm I'm just so excited. I haven't seen snow in forever. Actually, forget the coffee. Just ice. You know, it's okay to be cold.

6:54 Yeah, I know it's okay to be cold, but I'm not cold. I like being in the cold. Okay, the cold soothes me. Okay, normal people wouldn't like being in the cold, but I'm not a normal person. Like, this is normal. I'm up here cuz I'm not cold. Hey, I'm cold bloodooded. Okay, I'm so hot. You want to make a snow angel with me? It's not cold. It's not cold. God, please make a snow angel with me. I love See, I'm not even cold. Oh my god. Why would they do that to our people? My name's Wendy. Last name nuts. I run this part of town and trust me, you do not want to get in my way. Move. You're in my way. What's your issue? My issue? My issue is you. You think you

7:39 own this town. This is windy nuts town. How? I'm just existing. That's my issue. You exist with your perfect family. Your two moms. A brother that doesn't pick on you after school. You perfect little loser. Oh, so your issue isn't me. It's that you have a bad home life. Where'd you get that idea? But you just said, "Don't stick your nose into somebody else's business, dweeb. It's true. I pick on the weak. It's my only form of power. My brother calls me names. And my dad, he's not around a lot. I'm all by myself. Hey, now that I know that, I don't care that you bullied half the town and traumatized everyone. All you really needed was a friend. A friend. Don't hug me for too long. I don't want

8:26 others to know I have a sweet side. It's bad for my rap. Hey, maybe losers aren't so bad. The only heir to the throne is dead. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers. I am stating facts. Hey, Lois. Are you sure this place is for men? Yes, Peter. It's for everyone. Really? Cuz this this kind of looks like a dress. Peter, it's fine. Come on out. [ __ ] you, gay ball. Day. Oh my gosh, I love the makeup. Oh, thank you is what I would say if I was wearing makeup, but I'm not wearing makeup. You're sweet, though. I've just been doing a lot of skin care lately. I can see the foundation line.

9:13 Can a [ __ ] not tan? It's from tanning. I I I tan. Do you tan? You could use a tan. You're really pale is what I'm trying to say. So, you're not wearing makeup? No. I can see your mascara. I just don't think you've ever looked me in the eyes. You're always looking down. And it's okay to be submissive. Like power to you. I'm just not wearing anything other than my god-given skin. What are you touching up? It's an oil swab. I'm wiping the oil off of my face. Do you want one? No. Oh, I'm sorry. I phrased that as a question statement. You need an oil swab. Okay. So, if you're not wearing makeup, which I'm not, then wipe your face. Do you have a wipe here? So stupid. It's clean. See? Really wipe, Justin. Okay. Okay. I wear

10:01 a skin tent. You're still wrong. Are you happy? I hope you're happy. What am I doing wrong? Oh my go. I'm done. I cannot. Hey. Oh my god. Back up. Don't you dare. Mother. Oh my god. Mother. Mother.

10:46 You better back up. Back up. What are you doing? Oh, hi Louise. Oh, hi mom. Hello. You're holding my stuff. Hello, my little lady. Hello, mom. What are you doing with my stuff? I was just my my one thing was I went into the Disney Channel building and I sat down with the president of Disney Channel and I said, "I want to make history." And that's what this is. Hey, Daddy. I mean, John, sorry. I forgot we're in public. Hey, Daddy. Oh, sorry. I love you, too. Sorry. Literally kill for you. I will literally kill for you. And I will kill for you.

11:32 And I will kill for you. Platypus. [Music] I love you, too. Love you. I love you, too. Hey, are are you going to eat your whipped cream? No. Justin, I think I like Since we're all going to die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you. I did not care for the Godfather. What? Did not care for the Godfather. Okay. Crash Carlos. Oh my god, Mommy. Oh my god. I missed you so much. We just FaceTimed last night, honey. Oh my god, I totally forgot. Two hours. How long did you and mom FaceTime for last night, girls?

12:18 Oh, he didn't. Yikes. Oh my god. Mom, do you need help in the kitchen? I'm sure Justin Cat already asked, but Oh, they didn't. Wow. By the way, I love what you did with your hair. Thank you for noticing. The girls didn't notice. Oh my god, that's annoying. Oh my god. Mom the goat, greatest of all time, holding a goat. Isn't that so cool? Yeah. No, mama, stop. Jessica, cat, are you guys going to help mom feed the animals or you just going to make her continue to do everything for you? You know, it's okay to let go of things that don't serve you in this life. Maybe two things. My god, mommy, it was so nice seeing

13:03 you. Maybe next time the girls could like do something useful. I don't know. It was so nice seeing all of my kids. [Applause] No, I was going to say that too. And just like sitting there and stuff and everything. I'm a fly now. I have a little cake cuz I fly real high. [Music] I think you're just hurting our ears. Howdy. I'm Seymour. Seymour Butts. Nice to meet you. Hey, bud. You want to see my rod? Huh?

13:50 My fishing pole? You weirdo? You got a nice ass. What? I said bass. You caught a big bass. You got a So, just the two of us men on a boat, no one around. You ever see Brokeback Mountain? Huh? I haven't either, actually. Want to ride me? Me motorcycle silly. When chopping wood, it is important to give it a good yelp. It helps with the force. Oh, daddy. Ah, the rooster crowing in the mornings like heaven in my ears. And it cockadoo. I said cockadoodle do you. Deeper. Wow, you are beautiful. I said the view. The view is beautiful. Did I tell you I'm a swinger? I told you I was a swinger. Woohoo!

14:36 I always imagine growing old here with my hus boobies. As a parent, it's important for me to provide meaningful memories for my children. Mom, it's freezing out. Back in my day, we had a saying, "A hoe never gets cold." So, suck it up, buttercup. Mom, I think we have enough pictures. Don't you ever raise your voice at me, you little [ __ ] This is one of my favorite days of the year. We all come together as a family and smile for the camera. Smile with your teeth. I'm paying for braces. Smile with your teeth. I love looking back at these photos and just watching my children grow. Fix your posture. Suck in. Suck in. You're not sucking in, honey. What if we get on each other's backs and make a family pyramid? I saw that one on Facebook. Who picked this thing? Because it is stupid. You did. Well, we're not doing it again next

15:22 year. I'm going to sit this one out. I'm going to take a mental picture. Got it. Now, who put this tree here? Can somebody edit this out? It's ruining the shot. I think this is our best year yet. They freaking suck. Yeah. No, I don't really do mud. But you're a garden fairy. Ironic, isn't it? Hi, class. My name's Miss Karen, not Karen. We are not friends. Put some respect on my name. Okay. All right, class. Please open your textbooks to page 13. Okay. 13. Learning about math. Why are you coming in late? Traffic. That's not a valid excuse. I come here at 4:30 a.m. Okay. Next time I'm going to lock the door and you're not gonna come in. All right. Did you guys all hear that? That door will be locked. Locked tighter than happy virgins in

16:09 here. Okay. Wait. I am your teacher, not your friend. I am here to prepare you for the real world. The real world. We don't get second chances. Okay. You think your college professors are going to give you second chances? Because they're not. They're not. Why are you on your device? I'm taking notes. What happened to using papers and pen? It saves paper. Oh my god. Your generation actually have to write to learn. Okay. This isn't BYOD. Okay. Okay. So, put your device away before I take it and make your parents come get it. Okay, y'all have to realize they do not accept this in college. Okay, believe it or not, we here in high school, we take it easy on you. Easy. Wake up. Is this nap time? Is this nap class? Anybody else? This is not nap class. Okay, I don't need to be learning this stuff. I already know this stuff. I'm not the one who has to take the final tomorrow. I think we're going to have a bot quiz.

16:54 Thank him. Thank him. Welcome, Kim. Hi. This is really gross. Kylie's going to love this. Kylie, look. Look, it is a chicken. It I got you a chicken. How much do you want to bet Courtney's going to be at a farm next week? Wow. So, is everything here gluten-free, sugar-free, and organic? I'm just kidding. I'm not Courtney. I'm not a loser. Bible, tell me right now. Are there any cute country boys around here? I'm kind of trying a new thing. Wow, these plants are so careful. There's a spider. What? Why would you put spiders here? I'm so sorry. It is really hot here. I need more makeup. Mario. Mario, you want to get turned into an emu coat? Yeah. Is that my mom? Chris, what are you doing here? Oh. Oh my god. I thought you were Chris dinner with that haircut. Tell Chris I want one of these, but like Rolls-Royce. Do you have any advice for

17:39 farmers? Get your [ __ ] ass up and work. We're fishing. Yay. Oh my gosh. You're going to get um We're fishing. Woohoo. I try not to kill myself. Dreams in a small town are like albino alligators. They exist. You just don't see them very often. Just a bell. Trust. [Music] That's my mama calling. One sec, mama. What's up, mama? Were you out there feeding the animals or were you daydreaming again? And what if I was daydreaming? Would it be so bad that I want more? Mama, I never said that. Now go on and feed

18:25 the animals for me. Yes, ma'am. Every day is the same here. I need something different. Oceans, passion, real people. I just want to make it to the big, beautiful city of Miami, Florida. I'm going to be the first ever head of concessions for the Miami Heat. Popcorn. Get your popcorn. It's calling my name. Just Bella, did I hear you mention 40 again? What's gotten into you? I just don't want to end up like you, mama. I have dreams. Big dreams. Unlike you. What's wrong with me? I like who I am. I don't need no Miami E to make me happy. I got everything I need right here.

19:11 Well, it doesn't look like much. Maybe the problem isn't that you don't like this place, but that you don't like you. I hate you, mama. Mama. Mama, follow your dreams and make it to Florida. I will, mama. I miss my mama. If she taught me anything, it's that I didn't like myself. And it's time I change that. Okay, my boyfriend doesn't think I can do the Dune theme song. Okay, so I'm going to do it for him and he's going to love it. [Applause] Give me a second. Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Okay, wait. I'm not doing

19:58 Wait. [Music] [Applause] Was [Music] that good? So, he's never seen Dune and I look like an idiot. Oh, I'm so sorry I was late. I had to fix my class schedule. They tried putting me in the gifted classes cuz they say I'm a prodigy, but I just want to be normal. I finished that homework in like 10 minutes. E, were you smart? Because my mom helped me. We found a Quizlet online. Here, copy my answers real fast. Are you taking notes? No, I'm not. I'm drawing. This is a picture of Mrs. Smith.

20:44 Only losers and wannabes take notes. And I'm not a loser. Okay, everyone. Here's your exams. Nice job, Amy. Oh my god, I failed. Why did you have to show the whole class? Nobody else in this class needs to know that I failed. Hey, Amy. What? Can I talk to you real quick? You guys go ahead. I'll catch you at lunch. You're really gifted. Why aren't you in advance class? Because I don't want to be the laughing stock of the school. But Amy, no one really Do you know what they'd do to me if they found out I was smart? I'd be a social outcast. Okay, I'm going to lunch. Amy, are you on your phone in class? So what? I expected more from my top performing student of the whole school. You really did it now, Mrs. Smith. So what? I'm so tired of living this lie. Yes, I'm an A+ student. I love to write

21:31 essays. I love to do homework. I got into Harvard. Stanford dart mouth. I'm not scared to be different anymore. You guys can judge me and treat me like an outcast. Sit down. We love you for We love you, Amy. We won't judge you. You're so funny. You know what? Mrs. Smith put me in that AP class. I'm ready. Amy never made it to her AP class. She got a B+ on her last test and had a heart attack in the hallway. She stole my life. She's four years. I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy. This one is different. He's honest and and he's sweet. He would never do anything to hurt me. He's a guy. Hey. Um, hi. You must be Steve. Uh, how did you know that?

22:17 Your dating profile. Oh, I forgot I put that personal information on there. So, uh, where are you from? I'm not at liberty to say. Um, okay. I'm in the witness protection program. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Move on. Move on. Um, okay. Well, any cool hobbies? Why are you questioning me? Are you a narc? It's a date. Sorry, it's just my mom's the president. Isn't that Biden of Govia? It's a small country. Big secrets. I don't usually let people in so fast, but you're you're different. My last boyfriend, Jacob Allorti. He um he didn't treat me so well. So, who's your favorite singer dancer? Oh my gosh, Beyonce. Don't get me started on Beyonce. I was her backup dancer, but she had to fire me because I was basically better than

23:03 everyone there. No, no. Getting too much money. Honey Balenciaga was really threatened by me on the Renaissance tour as well. So, tell me about yourself. Well, I'm from LA. Give me a second. Hello. Hello. I thought it was my sister. She was abducted by aliens. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. How long has she been missing? It's top secret. Uh, don't look back, but I think my secret service is following us. Hey, don't look back. The Secret Service, they're really good at hiding. I have to fly out tomorrow on my private jet. I have to go to Asia studying to be a monk for 2 years. So, till next time, buddy. Oh my gosh, what happened? Oh, this um I don't feel comfortable talking about it. Okay, my mom got in a Sorry, just talking

23:49 about it hurts. Okay, take your time. My mom got in a car accident. Car accident. What happened? My mom hit a parked car and it could have been a lot worse. The doctor said I'm lucky. I don't want this to be a big deal, you guys. Okay, just treat me like like I'm normal, okay? Stop. Oh my gosh, what's wrong? I just It's hard living like this. It's not normal. I tried getting in my car this morning and my mom had to coax me in because I was so terrified. She thinks I might have STD. Do you mean PTSD? That's what I said. Can we sign your cat? Sadly, no. The doctors didn't give me a real cast. They ran out of casting things, but you can sign this piece of paper if you want. It's basically the same thing. The doctor said I might have to do PT. Oh my gosh. What's that? Physical therapy.

24:34 I must be serious. Teacher, I can't take notes. It's my hand. It's my hand, guys. I can't come to the gym with you and take the pacer test. My doctor said I couldn't. It's my hand. He said it's basically illegal. Illegal. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, don't hold it for me. I'll carry it. I'll carry it. It's my hand. It just I got it. I got it. It's okay. Thanks. My gosh. You have to take pills, you guys. Stop. Really intense. I can't handle this right now. It's called ibuprofen. I know. They make me a little woozy. It helps the pain. Feel like I'm in euphoria. All right, let's go home. Wait, your hand. Derek, it's your favorite student. Professor. Oh, sorry. Professor Shephard, I had some extra donuts, so I wanted to bring you some. Your favorite. No swiping. They're for

25:21 the professor, buddy. Oh my god. Never believe what she Do you guys mind being quiet? The professor is trying to tell us about his weekend. Ooh, someone has a crush. I don't have a crush. Oh my god. I'm just an empath. I care about what's going on in his family. Not that it's a bad thing if I were to have a cr. He's a very good-looking guy. I don't have a crush. I'm just trying to learn. I'm looking for TAs. Oh my god. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Jessica, put your [ __ ] hand down. Sorry. I'm I'm really passionate about teaching, so I should do it. Jessica, put the [ __ ] hand down. And if I am correct, I'll have to do the one-on-one office hours with you, Professor Shephard. That would be correct. Yay. Hey, Professor, what's your astrology sign? I think I'm an Aries. Oh my god, I'm a Leo. We're so compatible. She's so creepy. I'm not creepy. Care about astrology. It

26:08 tells a lot about a person. Okay, get your mind out of the gutter, Caleb. Okay, this is college. We need to start acting like we're in college. As you were saying, frat party tomorrow. Are you going to a frat party tomorrow? All you guys care about is going to frat parties, drinking, and hooking up. Okay. Some of us are waiting for the right man. Hey, professor. I have an assignment for you. You should watch Pretty Little Liars. It reminds me of us. Please get out. You just want to watch me walk away. I'm calling Canvas. Please. Why is everyone acting weird towards me? No. No. We're not. Chill. Come on. No. Seriously. Oh my god. Oh my god. Charlotte Leo. Hi. When did you get that accent? I've always had an accent. Darling, get your behind over here and come to the

26:53 barn with me. This barn is so nice. Hey, make yourself at home. Mikasa is sucasa. Come help me feed the goats. I don't know that I don't be rude. This one is bear. He was my first kiss. Don't tell anybody. Don't What a beautiful garden you have. Every one of those flower beds is somebody I killed. Um, I'm joking. I'm joking. Let's go. This is one of our turkeys, Isabella. The hazella. What the? Aren't you ready for dinner? Oh, I can't stay. Don't be rude. Stay for dinner. Um, okay. Um, that was really good. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. What was it, Isabella? Um, I'm going to go now. I can't let you do that.

27:40 Now you'll be with me forever, Charlotte. No trespassers. Go away. Oh my god. Baby, are you just getting home? Were you out on a date with one of your many boyfriends? You know, in high school, I was in a committed relationship with your father. I respected myself. Baby, are you sitting in bed again? Maybe you should get a job. I heard they're hiring down at the strip club. You'd fit right in. You were so good in your musical tonight. A little off pitch on my belt,

28:25 but not all of us were born great singers. So, baby, what do you want to do after high school? College. Oh my god. No. We'll miss you so much. You're not better than me. What? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Oh, wow. Come on, confident. wish that I was brave enough to wear something like that in public. Look at that little [ __ ] She thinks she's prettier than me. Your daddy didn't leave me. He left you. I had dreams once, too. Yeah, but then you came into my life and then Oh, hey, baby. Oh my goodness. I thought you were sleeping. I was just watching you sleep so peacefully. You were snoring like a pig. I just try to keep you down. Love you. No, I'm sorry. I said snoring. Snoring. Oh my god. I'm really glad you guys can make it

29:11 down here. I think you're really going to like my city. I pretty much know this place like the back of my hand. You lived here for a month and it's all I need to know. This is my new home. The subways can be really confusing, but all you have to do is jump on the E train down to the L train. Might want to stay by me. We don't really take to non New Yorkers around here. Take a reroute to the R train. You see a rat, walk the other way. They basically run this city. Go back to 74th Street. This right here is my bodega. This is a 7-Eleven. Next thing we got to do is take the 34th train down to East 8 Central Station. JLo was right. There really is an orange drink. If you know, you know. And down to 73rd Street. You guys calm down. You're acting like such out of townies. 34th bound. Calm down. You know what I could use right now? A bagel. To the E Grand Central Station in East

29:57 Bronx. You know what I could really use right now? What? Manhattan and 34th to 73rd down to 104. You don't know what I'm saying. A dude, how can I pronounce it even better? A burger cheese. A bacon. 11th I think. Egg. I know. And cheese. You can really tell who's an out of town because they walk through Time Square. Must be so confusing for a non-native New York. Sorry class. I just came from chorus. I had to do my vocal warm downs. Team, do you guys mind keeping it down? I'm on trying to practice my soulfest. What's that? It's basic music theory, but for somebody like you, it's probably like gibberish. Can I have a sip? Uh, no. It's a It's throw coat tea. We have a performance coming up. And no offense, but it's not good for people

30:44 with no talent. Do you mind? The teacher said to work on homework, and singing is literally my homework. Okay. Can you hear what this kid is saying? Excuse me. Could you project your voice back here? Oh, sorry. Choir kid, can you be louder for the people in the back? We're trying to hear your presentation. away me. There's a social hierarchy in the arts department. It goes choir kid, theater kid, tech kid, and band kid. Why do you hate band kids? I don't hate them. It's just easy to bang things together and call it music. So, yeah, I'm a tiny one, which in normal people terms means I'm basically the quarterback of the choir. Hey, can I borrow a Oh, yeah, that's fine. Can I just borrow a weirdo? Do you want to hit my vape? Do I want to hit your vape? Oh my god, I

31:29 can smell it in the air. Jesus. Oh, that's like ask me do I never want to work in this town again. Okay, my voice is like an angel and that right there is the devil. You know, I would say that I am multilingual. We sing a lot of songs in the choir from different cultures. Say sent to someone. Oh my goodness. Run, run, run. I hate my life. Is this what I do for the week? Oh, I'm watching the Hunger Games right now and you cannot tell me that this is not Miss Taylor Swift.

32:14 Are y'all ready? Here she comes. Right here. That's Tay. That's Miss Swifty right there. Taylor's version of New Games. Wow. So, that's the International Space Station. There's people living on that thing just exploring the sky. They should do that for the ocean. My name's Beth. I'm the stage manager around these parts. If you get in my way, you're going to be sorry. Actors, you forgot to sign in. You forgot to sign in. If you didn't sign in and you're not here, I see you, Jessica. I'm making eyes with you. But the page does not see actors. Quiet backstage. None of you are going to make it on Broadway if you keep acting like this. The actors think they have it hard. Try single-handedly running a whole show. We couldn't. Actors, we're on in five. Actors, I said we're on in five.

33:00 Thank you. Five. Oh my god. Yep. Everybody ready? On my go. 3 2 1. Lights up. Jessica, find your light. If you're not blinded by the light, then you're not in your life. I I swear I could act better than half of these actors in here. Hey, um, if you're going to horse around backstage, maybe go to a farm. But if you're on my stage, you stay an actress ready, guys. I don't want to have to tell the director, but you're making it really hard. Okay, Jessica, come here. Come here. Do you think you're better than the playright? No. Shake your head. No. Okay, so let's stick to the script. Got it. She forgot it all. Jessica, come here. Come here. Hey, we were supposed to be off book a week ago. Can you tell me what's going on? I've just been having like issues at home. That's really hard to hear. Sincerely,

33:45 but um the show comes first. Okay. Remember, you're supposed to leave your baggage at the door. So places. Okay. Currents down. Currents down. That's a wrap. This cast has been like a family to me. A a family I wish put me up for adoption. You guys suck. How does it feel to be voted the most hated man in America right now? In a country full of Neanderthalss. I wear the [ __ ] badge of honor. Well, that's the rumors that you're mentally imbalanced. Who the [ __ ] says that? Oh god. I can't spend eternity here. This place it reeks of fish kept this. What is this? Naughty pine. Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late. I was working

34:31 the closing shift at my job. Where do you work? I work at a bar. Oh, what bar? Chili's. Yeah, I'm a host there. Without me being there, chaos. I'm like the youngest employee there. I'm like the hardest worker. I don't have to worry about providing for my three kids. I am there to work. Hey, wake up. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I'm so tired. I had to work a three-hour shift last night. Try being a working student for a day. Try it. It forced me to mature a lot. You started a week ago. I'm sorry. Do you have a job? No. Right. Some of us have responsibilities. I'm trying to go to the Aeros Tour. Hey, what's that? Oh, these are my tips. I feel like an exotic dancer with how many ones I have, but I just have to go to the bank after school. So, hey teach. Ever since joining the workforce, I've realized how

35:16 hard it is. So, I just want to say thank you for your service. I know our jobs aren't equal. One of us has to work a lot harder. But don't worry, hard work pays off. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm your teacher this semester, Mr. T. But please feel free to call me T Swizzle. So, where are all the parties at? Huh? Would it be so weird if Mr. Te showed up to one of your parties? Yeah, so weird. I could bring alcohol. My room is always open for everyone to have lunch in. Bring your babes. I don't care. I was young once, too. Still am. I may be 43, but I swear I've got a mind of 17year-olds. I know what you guys are thinking. You guys got some dirty minds. I'm writing communion. I'm just saying. Hey, are you on Snapchat during class?

36:02 Joking. At least add me back, bro. Please. My wife left me for a lawyer. Hey, who wants to help me set up my dating profile on Tinder? No, it's not weird. I'll give you extra credit, somebody. Does someone know how to Photoshop abs? Uh, 10 minute break. Who wants to make a Tik Tok with me? You know, almost 40. Jake, are you trying to raise Brooke up in the middle of my class? You got to do harder than that, buddy. Who's got the answer? Two. Hey. No, bro. That's Cat. That is Cat who wants to go RZ up the mascot. Jake, dude, I swear you're like my best friend. I have no friends my age. None. This game is Yo,

36:48 that was good. Hey. Oh, hey. I didn't see you there. I was just practicing my runway walk. Oh, your outfit's so different. Thank you. I'm trying to get noticed, so I have to dress unique. While you're here, can you judge some of my model poses I've been working on? Sure. Wow. Oh, don't I remind you of like a young Naomi Campbell? I love New York City. This is North Carolina. Shut up. I'm manifesting. Don't you think this face deserves to be on the cover of Vogue? No. You never know who could be watching. Anna Winter could be Oh my god. Anna. Anna. She invited me to New York Fashion Week. [Music]

37:39 Oh [ __ ] Okay, let's see what I got in my bag. A little Let's do a little haul. Sword. That's nice. Water with barely any water left. Very useful. Thank you so much. Capital idiots. Really? I hope this tree isn't anybody in disguise. They're so pretty. He's so pretty. Oh, he was really hot. I I was I was rooting for him. Hard pass. Oh, here he is. I should try hiding in a tree. Oh my god. Okay, here we go.

38:25 I did it. I know what I do. I'm just going to stay on the ground for tonight. Want some blueberries? You want some? No. No. No. I think those are blackberries. Oh [ __ ] Prim would not last a second out here. On three. One, two, three. I thought you were one. Okay. Okay. One, two, three. Oh no. present the winners of 74. I never went. So, as soon as we find out who you are, trust, you will be dealt with. Period.

39:10 Behind the scenes and bloopers. You're not going to go under. So what's your So what's for supper or so? What the [ __ ] And it's like surprising. This is my audition for the tomboy who'd rather be anywhere but school. This is such a waste of time. I said this is such a waste of time, you guys. I'd rather be anywhere but here. Okay? Like, I'd rather work a 9 to5. School teaches us nothing I don't already know from my

39:58 dad working in like a body shop. I just need the bell to ring. Okay? The bell just needs to ring so I can just hop on my skateboard and head down and catch some big waves. I heard the surf is huge today, you guys. And we're stuck in class learning essentials for life. Like it's not worth the fight. All you guys, you're going to be stuck here for the rest of your life. Me? I'm going to catch the next biggest wave out of town. You'll never see me again. I know you guys are all content being here for the rest of your lives. But me? No. When my mom died. Yeah, she died. And I realized there was nothing left for me here. There's nothing left for me. I'm going to live life like every day matters because it does.

40:45 Being in school, that doesn't matter. I know there's people who would kill to have an education, but they can have mine. It's that simple. Me, my goal in life, teach kids what really matters. How to work on cars, how to grow crops, how to farm, how to surf. That's on the bottom of the list. My kids, they're not going to go to school. I don't care if it's illegal. They're going to be out on the beach every day, not stuck in these concrete walls, not allowed to use their phones. Freedom. Real freedom is what my kids are going to learn. Are you on the roof again?

41:30 You know you want to get up here and model with me. Now it's your turn. Go. Fine. There we go. Wow. It is such a beautiful day. Yeah. I think it's so important that we just like go out in nature sometimes. Um and just like you just like touch the grass. Just like roll around in the grass. I love nature. I love I love nature so much. It's just these mosquitoes. And just Hey guys. So, I think I'm not going to be renting this house anymore.

42:18 Um, just some unforeseen circumstances have abrupt. Who the [ __ ] was going to tell me that snakes can climb tree? They don't even have hands. They don't even have hands. So, this is our room. Oh, it's very extra in here. Timmy, get out of here. Me and your dad got to bless the room. Mom, gross. Oh my god. Not like that, Timmy. I meant with the Bible and holy water. We don't know what sinners have stayed in this room before us. So, how'd you like it? I personally hated the map. Your mother was staring a little too much at those naked men. Statues, Dad. I don't care what they were. I'm insecure now. How can you look at this and think God's not real? You know,

43:07 I bet those aren't even real farmers. My Ford F-150 goes way faster. This This is what I'm talking about. A good old church. City of sinners over here. Uh Cordelena Street. I really enjoyed that Hunger Games movie. It's Taylor Swift. I don't know who that is. Dad, are you ready to go? Oh my god. Do not walk up on me like that. Lord, I thought I was about to get Abraham Lincoln. Oh my gosh. She Did you fart? Did you fart? That sounds horrendous. She thinks I might have STDs. Do you need Thank you. That's your life. Just paint. But um if you guys want to sign my piece of paper thinks I have STD or something.

43:52 Do you mean PTSD? Yeah. Of course. Thank you. It's Eevee Prof. It's to help the pain. Oh my god. I to the car. I think she thinks I have They do make me a little woozy. Teacher, he thinks I might have STD. Do you need PTSD? Mhm. [Music] Stop. Don't look. It's not that serious. They're huge and they make me a little wizzy. Oh my gosh. Oh my god. Somebody. Seriously? Before you go into

44:38 Hi, my name is Jasmine with a Z. Today I'm out at my friend's farm in the south. I'm usually in my penthouse in LA, but I wanted to try something new because I'm a wild girl. And yes, I did dress for the occasion. Wow, your parents have a lot of land out here. Have they ever thought about putting down a Four Seasons Orlando? Oh my god, you guys have goats. I'm so excited. I communicate with goats. Do you mind if I give it a try? Uh, sure. I think they think of me as one of their own. Well, you guys have a lot of vintage stuff. Have you ever thought about opening a depot? Oh my god, you guys grow your own eggs out here. That's so cool.

45:24 We have chickens that lay them. Well, what comes first, the chicken or the egg? Oh my god, you guys grow your own fruit out here. Is it keto? No. Is it sugar-free? No. Is it gluten-free? No. Is it organic? Yeah. Good. Oh my god, you guys have a motorcycle. Can you take a picture of me on it? Isn't it giving Lana Del Rey at Coachella? Can you guys write with these like they did in the 1990s? I think it's so cool that you guys have your own ocean here. I've only ever swam in the Pacific. Don't you mean Pacific? Potato tomato. Well, I had so much fun here, but I'm going to go home. Wait, where is your closest arrow? We don't have that here. Jasmine with a Z out. All right, countries. How many soldiers did your country deploy in World War I?

46:10 Hey, even a little can be a lot sometimes. Well, you know what? That wouldn't have happened if someone didn't declare war on me. Whoops. I mean, I contributed less, but hey, we still won. Yeah, but you guys joined like what, 3 years late? Y'all would have been [ __ ] without me. All right. All right. Whatever. Whatever. But look at this troop count, bro. Oh my god. Over 10 million troops deployed. Okay, but who actually won von? Well, it definitely wasn't you. Oh, yeah. If you're an American citizen because you have birthright citizenship and you give every [ __ ] in the world about immigrants coming here legally or illegally, and you're like, I don't care how they get here. I just want them to do it legally. First of all, explain to me that process. Explain to me how that works. Since you have so many [ __ ] opinions on it, I assume you're well verssed in what it takes to do that. You [ __ ] shittheads thought that there were immigrants who were eating cats and dogs. You think you can pass a written test on American history? Sure. Right.

46:57 Right. Yeah. No, let's let's just all take a moment to remind ourselves that you did [ __ ] nothing to be here. Your mother chose to pop you out on American soil and in many either she immigrated here from another country or she herself also did nothing to be here. Crazy for you to have an opinion when your lazy ass has not done [ __ ] But if you really want to go all the way back to how your bloodline got here, let's think about it for a second. You blue-eyed, blondhaired Aryan looking [ __ ] How the hell do you think you got to the desert of California? You think you're native living in America and having an issue with people immigrating here? Makes you the world's biggest [ __ ] loser. And it also makes you seem stupid because how the like do you [ __ ] understand? I know that they like to pick and choose what what values this country was built on that they really stand behind, which

47:42 I find very very ironic because I remember during Trump's first term, gun control was like a big conversation point. It still kind of is, but I just remember in 2016 it was like really talked about and people love to say, "Well, we need guns because what if our government tries to turn against us? Then we need to defend ourselves. What's happening now?" Oh [ __ ] Okay. Yeah, just admit that you wanted to kill your neighbor or your wife, please, at this. You're losers and you're dumb. You're dumb because you fall for it every time. You give so many shits about these non-issues that the media loves to blow out of proportion to distract you from the fact that your own government does not care about you. Does not care if you live or die. You literally are living in squalor, but you don't care about that so long as you don't have to share your community with minorities. You're pathetic and you're racist. Oh, and not to mention, they're [ __ ] with people who jump through all the hoops to get

48:28 here legally. Yeah. So, what fate do you think awaits you? I'd be real quiet if I were you because I can tell you right now, you are not mentally equipped to fight for your citizenship in any way. So crazy that you're so loud. If I didn't have two [ __ ] brain cells rattling around in my school, I would be cuz you're about to get deported back to where you came from. Hell, I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but my brain cannot seem to make sense of or accept the fact that COVID lockdown happened 5 years ago. Like that [ __ ] [ __ ] up my internal timeline. Because I'm sorry, but what do you mean that in a postcoid world you have fallen into and since overcame crack addiction? Like how the [ __ ] did that [ __ ] just happened? That just h when when did you find the time to do sorry your husband

49:15 the man you're married to and have a child with you were pregnant and have given birth you met him after co what the [ __ ] I'm like I don't understand but then it's also just like 2019 a billion [ __ ] years ago. Yeah. No. Oh 2019 you mean the year the Old Testament was published? 2019 before Christ? like oh 2019 back when dinosaurs were still alive before their extinction. 2020 though that was yesterday. That was 5 minutes ago. I don't know how you have picked up and put down the crackpipe and met the love. Like that's a lot. That's a lot to do in 24 hours. I'm confused. So I just turned 28 this week in case you were not familiar with the 72nd,000th famous person born in the month of June

50:02 according to famous birthdays.com. And I did not have a cathartic experience of any kind yet. But I will say I do feel like now I am at the age where I have to do a cartwheel every year on my birthday and say Chipotle out loud just to make sure that I still can and I don't lose those skills because I mean we see it happen every day in real time. I don't want to wake up one day at 40 saying chipot chipot chip like it's I don't as a white person that's something I'm afraid of and I don't know how or why that happens but that cognitive decline that comes with aging is a [ __ ] and I just I'm not here to question it. I'm just trying to do everything I can to prevent it. Once I hit my 30s I might step it up to twice a

50:48 year. I don't know. I feel like right now I have the upper body strength and I am a customer at Chipotle often enough, but still I don't want to run any risk. I feel the instinctual urge to post on Facebook. I'll probably just start doing it daily. Who trying to go on a jet holiday with me? Who Who's seriously trying to go on a jet holiday? I'm dead ass. Save £50 per person. Done. Sign me up. Who trying to go on a jet holiday with me? I'm so serious. You trying to go to Mayorca, [ __ ] You came to the right place. They got hella deals. I went on their website. I saw a video under that sound of a woman on a plane and her chair was broken. It didn't have a back and it was just like caution tape propping her up. That's what I'm talking about. That is the exact experience I'm looking for. I want

51:37 to go on a comedically bad vacation. I want the plane to damn near crash on the way. Already start off on like a terrible note. I want everything that can possibly go wrong to go wrong and more. and we fight the entire time. We don't really have fun until the way home when we're all just like exhausted sitting in the airport reflecting on our trip and we're like, you know what? [ __ ] Those memories though, it's about the memories we made along the way. And now we have stories to tell for the rest of our lives. I think we can all agree that each of us learned a pretty valuable lesson that'll help us in the conflict that we're all facing in our personal lives that we were escaping by going on this vacation in the first place. I think I have finally hit a point where I've come to terms with the fact that I

52:23 no longer experience joy. So, I'm no longer seeking it. I'm now I'm cutting out the middleman and I'm just skipping right to the misery. I'm looking for bad experiences. But Jet 2, you you try to you trying to fly your girl out. I will do anything for money. Or you don't even have to pay me. I will do anything for a unique experience. And it doesn't even have to be good. I've already I've already said that. I'm just I'm bored. I just saw Alex Cooper singing Take Me Out to the Ball game at the Cubs game. I saw about 15 people bitching about it before I saw the actual video. If I were her, the way I would double down, I would not rest until I secured a speaking role at Christmas Eve Midnight Mass at St.

53:08 Peter's, the one that they live stream. You got a problem with how I was saying, "Take me out to the ball game." You didn't like that? Just you [ __ ] wait till we get into the Corinthians, [ __ ] Same voice and everything. The alter servers are already practicing the choreography. You're going to hate it. I will say, for what it's worth, I don't give one [ __ ] about sports. Least of all baseball. don't give a [ __ ] Never have, never will. And I've mentioned this in another video and got a literal thesis essay in my comments from someone going on about how people who don't like sports are nihilistic pieces of [ __ ] losers. What the hell? Sure, that's fine. You can think that. I don't care. Um, but this take me out to the like girl. And to be clear, I'm not talking about the people who booed her. I'm not talking

53:54 about the live audience that booed that showbiz baby. You know what I'm saying? Like that's almost an honor in itself getting as a performer getting booed by a live audience. I'm talking about the people on the internet who need to get a grip. Bear in mind I mentioned I don't give a [ __ ] about sports or baseball. So if those are two things you are very passionate about, we're going to have a lot of different opinions. So before you get your panties in a twist, just bear that in mind. But a lot of you are acting like she bent down during the national anthem and showed hole on live TV, then went around to all the players and kicked them in the nuts and then punched each coach in the face. That's what you're making it seem like. She sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game in a silly voice. I'm not her lawyer. You don't have to like her. I don't give a

54:41 [ __ ] Was I personally amused by her rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game? Not really. I don't care for the song in general. We've covered that. I don't want anyone to take me out to the ball game. In fact, if you had the ball game on TV, turn that [ __ ] off before I even get in the room. But do I think it was a hate crime? I don't think I would say that either, personally. I don't know. I feel like I'm losing my [ __ ] people acting like she pulled out a burning crucifix and like threw it at someone's peepaw. Calm down. I know it's like a tradition and it's a respect thing. I get it. I don't actually. I'm lying when I say that. But it's just kind of to me it just seems like a lot of you are upset that you missed the opportunity to boo her live and these videos are giving. I

55:28 didn't get to boo her from the live TV. I want to be able to boo her from home. It does not work like that. There will be other people to boo. Babes, you will have other opportunities to boo someone off stage. You missed this one. I don't know what to tell you. Okay. I've been reading like hella classic literature recently because I'm trying to read good readads list of 100 books to read before you die because honestly I am addicted to my phone. So I was trying to read more and I just Googled books I should read and that was like one of the first links I saw. So I'm like okay [ __ ] it I'm going to just go down the list. Not going to lie though majority of the list is giving very much assigned high school reading. Like when I tell people what I'm currently reading, the response I usually get is why to which I respond because I'm better than you. And I've decided I'm going to review all of them on here because like this is what I've been doing instead of

56:14 watching TV recently. Not to be that annoying [ __ ] but I I need to talk. I just finished The Age of Innocence. First of all, I give it a five out of 10. I can get down with some old timey [ __ ] but that was just a little bit too Pony Express for me. It just cracks me up reading that type of [ __ ] because I just think in my head like these people have no idea what twerking is. [ __ ] iPhone. Who? Like they they're talking about how May and Archer kissed twice before their wedding. Even that would be considered an eight on the freak scale back then. Like they have no idea society is going to progress to a point where Trisha PZ will put out a YouTube video talking about how she had sex with an entire baseball team. Like it's just crazy what the future holds and they have no idea. I also like reading it and in my head actively like putting it into

57:01 pop terms or translating it into brain rod like just like modern language. Like I think at the end of the book, this is not going to make any sense if you haven't read it, but the last scene of the book when Archer and his son Dallas are walking through Paris, I think his son should have the son should looked at the dad and been like, "Man, I'm so hungry. I could eat Countesta." And that's exactly why I just didn't think the book was that good. Do I think you need to read it before you die? I'm going to say no. Actually, I don't know. You know what? Onion powder. It maybe it gave like yolo vibes. If you find that type of [ __ ] inspiring and it was just kind of like a reminder that life is slipping away if you feel like you need that. I don't. I feel that way naturally. I also just had a birthday so I'm still coming down from that

57:48 existential dread. But yeah, I just love the phrase [ __ ] you. It's so iconic. It's It's really the greatest phrase in the entire English language when you think about it. And if you disagree, you're wrong. And [ __ ] you. Just gets right to the point. I don't know. Just two words. Might not seem like much, but it's kind of all you need. Just [ __ ] you. Simple, classic, chic, timeless, versatile. You can say it to literally anyone in any situation and it will apply. And it eats every time. just [ __ ] you. It's even got a matching hand gesture. Like I just I love I love it so much. I even love when people say it to me. Like that's how much I [ __ ] with [ __ ] you because I throw that [ __ ] around like it's nothing and I just take it for granted. But what really makes me

58:36 appreciate it is when someone says it to me. You know what I'm says [ __ ] you, it shuts my ass up every time. Like that nothing will get me to shut the [ __ ] up like telling me [ __ ] you. You know, the second someone hits me with that, I'm like, "Oh, what?" Even when I just get like comments and DMs from people and they just say, "Fuck you and nothing else." Like, I Yeah, you ate. I know social media is weird nowadays. So, I will make it very plain and simple for you. If I follow you, I want to be in your business. Okay? If you don't want to be in my business, that's fair. I don't give a [ __ ] But don't remove me as a follower if you unfollow me. I never consent. I want to see what you're up to. I want to be in your business. There are people I hardly There are people I have not spoken to in 10 plus years. When I find

59:21 out I'm not on their close friends story, I'm bitter as [ __ ] I'm like, I take that so I don't know if I take it personally, but like let me see what the [ __ ] are you hiding from me. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to be nosy. I'm going to stalk you. I'm going to stalk everyone I know. And that's the other thing, too, is I don't just stalk people that I vested interest in. Like, I will stalk anyone. I will be kneede in your grandma's Instagram account for no reason other than I just want to see what she's up to. I'm curious. I'm curious. I don't know. And you know what? I don't even feel creepy when I'm doing it because like you put that [ __ ] online. Not me. No one held a gun up to your head. You got a secret to keep make your account private. I don't know what to tell you. I don't even consider it stalking or lurking because I'm making my presence known. I don't give a [ __ ]

1:00:07 if the photo is from 3 years ago. If I like it, I'mma like it. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't understand when people make a big deal about that kind of stuff. Like when they make a big deal about someone viewing their story or liking their story, sorry people who will comment, "I'm in enemy territory." Yeah, get out. Get the hell out. I We're enemies right now for sure. Unless I say like sound off in the comments, I really don't care about hearing another opinion. I'm not here for a debate. I'm here to be uh validated by other people who agree. Especially when it's like so opinion like if I say I like something and someone's like okay well I don't okay who gives a like what makes you think I would give one

1:00:53 [ __ ] who are and you are like I'm sorry if I like a movie or a TV or a TV show and some random [ __ ] online is like I I [ __ ] hate that joke. Go [ __ ] yourself. No one cares. No one asked. No one wants recipe your mom's peach cobbler, [ __ ] Like, okay, actually, the more that I think about it, it's funny. Actually, it's funny. You know what? Onion powder changed my mind in real time. That shit's funny as hell because it really is just like and who gives what a [ __ ] Like, posted on my Instagram story one time that I like lemon lime Gatorade. Someone someone responds messages me, lemon lime Gatorade makes me sick. First of all, sounds like a skill issue that it has medicinal properties of anything that

1:01:38 should heal you. Second of all, you make music. Like, I don't care. I really don't care. Like, what does that have to do with me? You're And you're incorrect. Why the [ __ ] did I just find out that running clubs cost money? They cost money. I am thunder. Mind blown. Granted, I didn't even see the appeal in this [ __ ] when I was under the impression this was a free experience. Now it's not even that. It It costs y'all pay money to do that [ __ ] Just to clarify, my outrage is not stemming from the fact that you enjoy running in a group. We're just different. It's the fact that you can absolutely do that [ __ ] for free. You choose not to, though. And that's where

1:02:25 I get confused. Where does the money go? Where? What are they doing for? Also, what's stopping you from getting your little click of runners and being like, "Y'all [ __ ] this. Save a couple bucks. Let's just How about we just meet here every [ __ ] Sunday, same time, different day, and who's going to stop us? Just trail behind. They don't own the street. Like, I'm confused. Who's to say that that we don't have the same route, [ __ ] Why do I have to pay just to No. You know what it reminds me of? When I was growing up, I don't know if other people in their suburban towns did this growing up, but in the town that I grew up in, we had a public playground. And every summer they would have playground camp, which is exactly what it sounds like. Just kids going to this public playground, calling it camp, and a bunch of teenagers kind of keeping an eye on everyone, making

1:03:11 sure no one gets hurt or kidnapped. Honestly, this isn't even the best comparison because there was an element of child care that people were paying for, which makes sense, which also makes what I'm about to say sound a little shy. Whatever. Grow up. Sorry. Sorry. They're poor people. Okay. Yeah. It was at a public park. Stragglers showed up. Were me and my siblings. Some of them. Yes. At times. But a running club? Where the [ __ ] is the money going? And how do I get actually cash in on this action? Cuz I'm saying it out loud. And though I don't particularly love running anymore, I'm going still chase that back. So, whatever it takes. Let me I She's my best friend and I love spending time with her. But she's also just so pretty and I love watching people kind of fawn over her. Answer the question. Oh. Um, that trend that's like me versus

1:03:57 the man that traumatized me. I need to know what the [ __ ] is wrong with some of you. Raise your hand if you're scared. How many people are scared? I was scared. Not everyone's into the Brad Pitt type. I get it. But Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Really? I get that beauty is in the eye of the beholder or whatever people say. Some of you [ __ ] need glasses. You need glasses. We This is no longer a matter of personal preference or like self-esteem issues. Your survival instincts are literally failing you at this point. I don't even know like what point some of you are trying to make anymore. Like what the [ __ ] am I supposed to say to that other than ah am I supposed to be shocked? Is it is am I supposed to be surprised that the biblically accurate visual representation of the devil turned out to be evil? Do you believe he

1:04:42 traumatized me? Yeah. I 100% believe that I'm [ __ ] traumatized just looking at that gargle. I'm actually more shocked that you thought that spirit Halloween decoration would make you happy. He looks like an animatronic evil butler who works in a haunted house and has a recording being like mwah and like grabs your hand. He looks like back in the day he would have been legally required to hide under a cloak if he wanted to be out in public before sunset so he wouldn't like scare innocent village people. He looks like he needs to stay 1,000 ft away from a school zone and the Catholic church. I feel like his eyes would roll back in his head. He'd start speaking in tongues or be like blinded by the glare of a crucifix. I don't even think pepper spray would work on that. I I would just throw a bucket of [ __ ] holy water on him. I feel like it would sizzle or he would melt. I'm trying to like Where the

1:05:29 [ __ ] did you even find that? Where did you meet? Under a bridge asking people riddles, I assume. I don't know. I don't know, babe. I'm sorry. I don't want to victim blame, but I feel like when the theme of every folklore and fairy tale ever has been to stay the [ __ ] away from [ __ ] that look like that. I just I I need to know what you were thinking. I don't personally remember the part of No Ferraratu where she let him use his car while she was at work and that like ended well for any want to talk about the man that traumatized you. First of all, that's a goblin. Second of all, I think we can go back further than that. I think we need to talk about the woman that traumatized you, your mother. Because clearly you had psychological issues before you met that [ __ ] warlock. Each one more [ __ ] nightmareinducing than the last. I don't like I am thunder struck. I am

1:06:16 absolutely like I'm gobsmacked. And then you want to be like, "Oh, do you believe he cheated on me? I I can't believe two women agreed to have sex with him." Genuinely, I can't even think of anything he could have possibly done that would have been more traumatizing than if you just dropped acid and looked at him. I'm sorry, but was there ever a point in time where just like hella people were slipping on banana peels everywhere you went and that was like a genuine threat to people's safety where just rogue banana peels littered about the streets? Has it even happened to one person? I'll take that. I cuz I it's never happened to me. I've never seen it happen to anyone else. I've never even heard about it happening to somebody else in real life. And so I'm just trying to understand the mainstream media's obsession

1:07:01 with people slipping and falling on banana peels. I feel like if I were to bring an alien from outer space onto Earth, but first I just showed them movies and TV shows and that was like their first impression of human beings and life on Earth, I think when they get here, they would be really afraid of banana peels and slipping and falling on one. And that quite literally never happens in real life. So, it's just like why why did they want us why did they want to instill that fear in us if for no other reason than to distract us from what we should be afraid of, which is our own government and the corruption that happens right underneath our own noses that we don't even realize because we're just too [ __ ] terrified of slipping on a [ __ ] banana pe. Personally, I don't give a [ __ ] if we're going to Miami. I'm not shaving my big

1:07:48 toe for [ __ ] thing about my big toe. It's going to be hairy. Oh well. Grow up. Dead ass. I think I've shaved my toe maybe a total of three times in my entire life. And that is an overestimation. I just remember like the first time I ever shaved my legs as a kid. My mom was like, "Oh, you didn't do your big toe." But do my big I'm sorry. Sorry. I just shaved my entire leg cuz God forbid a toe is hairy. Like I

…