0:08 how many people know someone who has committed suicide raise your hands please I thank you for sharing I really do you and I have a connection because I know how you feel and you know how I feel because I lost my sister to suicide it devastates my sister to suicide it devastated me enough where I had to go on a quest I would read whatever I could I studied because I wanted to know what makes a person commit suicide the Center of Disease and Control tells us that 45 ,000 people commit suicide a year the United States Veterans Administration says it year. The United States Veterans Administration says that
0:55 two veterans, I mean 22 veterans commit suicide each and every day. That's too many. I want to do something to help it. I can hear the pastor saying this is her final resting time this is the end of our life together. Oh we had a great time growing up as kids. A great time. We played like that like any normal kids would do and we even fussed and argued. Well when we fussed and argued my grandmother would grab us spank us and make
1:44 us sit on the back steps of our punishment hugging each other. This is our punishment, hugging each other. You know that created closeness. We really became close, and as life went on, I graduated from high school, my sister went off to college, she was in her second year, and the draft was going on, so I ended up in Vietnam. And when that was over, I had come home, and my sister had and my sister come back home too but what I did not realize were the signs of a person who wants to take their life what causes a person to want to take their life see I was sort of disoriented coming back at the
2:29 combat veteran because I had PTSD but you know what I did not know that you could get PTSD going to a boss who is very ambitious and will do anything to get his crew to move. These are the things that lead to suicide. Emotional manipulation is a tool that bullies use that can end up in suicide. Well my sister and I were back home and when I was in Vietnam she wrote me a letter telling me that she had fallen in love with a police officer and she wanted to get married so okay we're home we're gonna prepare
3:18 for the wedding and so forth because see my sister was fun -loving matter of fact and she was a little large for her size now no large she weighed close to 200 pounds but she had earned a nickname of tons of fun because that's what the girl was and we were sitting there planning the wedding. Everything was going fine. Now my were sitting there playing the wedding everything was going fine now father didn't raise us. He chose not to be part of our life. But my sister still wanted him to walk her down the aisle. He refused. I don't know why, but she felt rejected and abandoned again. But that's okay. My grandfather couldn't do it because he was bedridden so guess because he was bedridden. what the honor
4:08 and distinction fell upon me and see being being fun -loving she decided that we were not gonna walk down the aisle to the traditional here comes the bride she had upbeat music and we just oh we got it done to see she all she knows is fun but you know what I didn't know her hidden heart I didn't know what college had done to her. She had her masters by that time, magna cum laude, pledged for sorority, stress, stress, stress, stress, stress, and I'm half whacked out from Vietnam so I think everybody's normal. But they're not.
4:54 After the wedding she went off to live with her husband and I stayed home to take care of my mother because she was ill and she needed me to care for her. One day I was walking past her bedroom and I heard her talking to my sister on the phone and she was saying that her husband was being unreasonable she couldn't do anything to please this guy. Even if she did what he said do he still wasn't happy about it. So my mother said you know all new happy about it so my mother said you know all newlyweds have an adjusting period that was the wrong answer because my sister shut down because that type of response showed that she really wasn't interested but okay thank things went on I think she's a lively
5:44 girl she'll work her way through it but one day I got a phone call to meet them at the hospital my sister had taken an overdose trying to kill herself. I said wow. So I looked at her and I talked to her and said look what's what's going on? What can I do to help you? And I did not see that tons of fun look in her eyes any longer. It had drained completely out of her. So we thought she had gotten better. My mother took her to the doctor and so forth. And then a month later, same thing again. It seemed like the marriage was not working. The marriage was more stressed and strained than she
6:30 could handle. And she was back in the hospital again. So we took her home and I was talking to her. I said, look, we got to sit down and talk. She said, no, everything's okay. Everything's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine. And I looked in her eyes and now she has shut me out I said wow so about a day or two later she came by the house she was the same old jovial self laughing kidding and joking and she stayed long enough for all of us to sit down and have dinner together oh it was a great time again but see that's how they appear they're happy one minute and depressed the next From the dining room table, or kitchen table, to the car, her countenance had fallen.
7:23 I said, you want to talk? She said, oh no, everything's going to be all right. Everything's going to be fine. So she got in the car, and I had a feeling I would never see her again. And that haunts me even to today. I stood there and I walked And that haunts me even to today. I stood there and I watched the car just drive off, drive off, drive off, until I couldn't see it any longer. Four days later I heard somebody help me, running up the steps, running up the steps. It was my uncle. He was calling my name. He said, get up your sister, shut herself! We got there, her husband and two policemen were sitting at the kitchen table and they pointed to the bedroom and we went in. There she was
8:09 laying on the gurney bed. completely covered. A pleasant look on her face as if to say all that has hurt me has now left me. She appeared to be at peace. If I had to fill out the death certificate, I would have written on there, this person died of a broken heart because she shot herself in the heart. I can hear the minister saying family and friends you may return to your cars. I knew it was all over but it was something I had to do. I
8:57 went on a request. I read every book I could read I studied courses I even earned a PhD trying to book I could read. I studied courses. I even earned a P. learn what I could do to help somebody my counseling actually started when I was in the rice paddies of Vietnam helping other soldiers who just could not cope with war and I've done it to today and I will continue to do it to help anyone anyone see the three things that I learned from Dale Carnegie's I'm sorry his book how to win friends and influence people that I want to share with you and had I known to do this or not do these things I believe my sister would be alive today you don't criticize complain or condemn
9:44 when someone wants to commit suicide you say well what are the signs of somebody committing suicide this is a permanent sign that you cannot miss a sign you cannot miss. They will tell you that they're tired of living. They'll tell you that they're going to kill themselves. Or they make an attempt. You can't miss those signs. And when you see those signs, remember these three things that you want to do. You want to listen to them, continue listening, because listening is what they need, because listening shows that you care and you love. Most people who will tell you that they're going to kill themselves, if you
10:29 show them some love by listening, you will usually talk them back. Thank you.
