I Didn't Need a Glow Up, I Needed to Feel Put Together Again

0:00 In my first video, I said something that I hadn't admitted out loud before. I didn't like how I looked when I left the house. I was doing well emotionally, professionally, but physically, I felt frumpy. And honestly, I felt like I looked a mess. And that disconnect bothered me more than I expected, especially as I moved into my late 30s. So, in this video, I'm sharing four changes that actually helped me start showing up more put together without doing the most or trying to look 20 again. If you're new here, I'm Mercedes and I just turned 40. And over the past few years, I've learned that presenting

0:46 myself better genuinely changed how I felt. And it's not everything, but it's part of it. And pretending otherwise just does not feel honest. For a long time, I thought a glow up meant doing more, buying more products, spending more money, establishing more routines, following more trends. And I really tried all of that. Bought all the things. I cycled through the routines. I spent more money thinking that something would finally click and I would actually look better at some point. But none of it changed how I actually felt on the dayto-day. On top of that, I felt like I was forcing myself into a version of glowing up that didn't really match my lifestyle. What eventually changed things for me wasn't doing more. It was changing how I approached getting ready, what I invested my money in, and what I

1:32 gave my energy to. So, for me, a grown woman glow up wasn't about a dramatic transformation or trying to look younger. Yes, I look better now. I can show you the pictures, but that's not the entire point. The real shift was making small, realistic changes so that when I leave the house, I could leave the house feeling more confident and actually looking better, which was my goal in the first place. These aren't rules that I'm going to share in this video. These are just things that I actually noticed made a difference for me, especially as I moved into my 40s last year. Yay. The first shift I want to note is having go-to pieces that actually work for me rather than chasing trends. So, one of the biggest changes I made was stopping this daily closet

2:19 spiral. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but I would literally stand in my closet, looking around, trying on three to four outfits, taking things off, putting them back on, changing my shoes, changing my tops, and still feeling like I looked a mess and not confident at all when I left the house. It wasn't that I didn't have clothes. I had plenty of clothes. At some point, I realized the problem wasn't actually quantity. It was a trust issue for me. I didn't have pieces that I could actually trust would look good on me without having to overthink them. So, instead of buying more things, I focused on having a few go-to pieces that I knew actually work for me. That looks like having a small rotation of jeans or pants, trousers that actually

3:07 fit my body shape that I didn't need to constantly adjust. Like for instance, I don't have hips and so for me, baggier jeans or dad style jeans were a better fit for me. It also meant having a blazer or a jacket or something that I could throw on and I could instantly feel more pulled together. tops that actually fit well, that feel comfortable that aren't necessarily trendy pieces that I need to constantly adjust and swap out over time. For me, that was neutral tops. A lot of patterns and colors was not my style, even though that's what I used to wear. Shoes that I could actually walk in. I'm not a heels person, and so I have some heels, booties, but for the most part, you're not going to catch me wearing a ton of

3:53 high heels. And so for me, instead of focusing on that, I focused on shoes that actually made more sense for me. Once I stopped trying to reinvent myself every time I went out, getting dressed became easier. And I just it was like it finally clicked for me. And with getting dressed is easier, you start your day feeling calmer and more confident. It's not about having the perfect wardrobe. It's about having some pieces that you don't need to fight and fuss with. And that alone made a bigger difference for me and how I actually showed up uh than buying any new piece of clothing or shoes or handbag ever did. I had to be honest about who I was dressing for at the same time. So I stopped dressing for

4:38 trends and I started dressing for my real life. I work a 9 toive corporate job. I mostly attend Zoom meetings during the day. I run errands, you know, the daily grind. So, I don't necessarily need to be purchasing pieces for folks who live a completely different life. Okay. The second thing I needed to stop doing is consuming so much makeup content and instead focus on perfecting my face makeup routine. At some point, I realized that I wasn't actually wearing more makeup. I was just consuming more makeup content and in turn buying more makeup than the average consumer needed. I tried my hand at creating makeup and beauty content, which only made it worse. I was constantly watching makeup tutorials, scoping out the latest

5:24 product drops, trying to learn the new techniques, trying to make sure I knew the new must-have items. It started to create more noise for me. It didn't lead to clarity, and it certainly didn't impact my skill. So, I needed to pull back. So, I stopped trying to learn and recreate a brand new face every week and instead I focused on perfecting my base makeup routine. Instead, investing in skin care that worked for me that allowed my base to lay better and look better on my skin. I wanted to find a trusted foundation match that actually looks like skin and that matches my skin shade. And so that meant investing in a shade that looked good in the warmer months and one that looked great in the cooler months as well with the proper

6:10 undertone. So it just meant slowing down a little bit and not consuming so much makeup related content. The other thing I did was started to focus more on concealer placement. Using concealers in a way that made me look more rested rather than overdone and less in fact I was going for that full beat look cuz you know I like makeup. Bear in mind I have a lot more makeup right now because I'm sitting down to film than I would typically wear on a day-to-day basis. Once my makeup base was right, everything else became optional. So all the other makeup related content that I was watching just wasn't relevant. most of the time. I didn't need 10 steps. I didn't need a full beat in order to look pulled together. Even though, again, I am not anti- full beat. I certainly

6:56 think there's a time and a place for a full beat. That shift alone made my makeup feel softer, more polished, and way more like me. It wasn't about necessarily doing more. It was about doing the right things and doing them more consistently. From my perspective, I also found my one to two favorite creators who could also teach me how to perfect my skills to get my base routine right and then stick to them. And I don't consume haul related content, any of the content that ironically I used to make. I just at some point I was just very disinterested in it, which is why I stopped creating that content altogether. So that was a pretty big shift for me. One change that I don't

7:42 talk about as much but it mattered a lot to me had to do with my hair. I have a form of autoimmune alipcia. In fact, I have multiple forms of alipcia. And over the last few years, I had to get honest about what I needed to feel more confident and more pulled together regularly because I can't rely on my hair as being part of what helps me feel confident as many women tend to. That meant I had to start investing in my hair differently. Not only on treating my hair from a medical and a hair care perspective, but it also meant investing in replacement options like wigs. I started investing in pieces that cost more than I was used to spending, but that actually supported how I wanted to show up from day to day and made me feel

8:27 more confident. At first, I felt uncomfortable spending that much money on a wig, but I stopped thinking about it as indulgent or excessive and started seeing it as more of an investment. It made it easier for me to rely on well-crafted hair pieces. When my hair felt handled, I didn't have to think about it all day. I wasn't necessarily adjusting or worrying or second-guessing how it was looking and how it was showing up when I made investments in pieces that were high quality. I could just move through my day feeling much more pulled together and much more confident, which is ultimately what I wanted. That shift alone made me feel more put together. Not because everything was necessarily perfect, but

9:13 because I chose solutions that worked for me in my real life as someone with alipcia who still wanted to enjoy longer hairstyles. And that was something that I really had to come to terms with and was a pretty big game changer for me last year and helping me to glow up and look more pulled together. So the last change that surprised me in terms of how much it mattered was giving myself permission and time to get ready. Not in a more dramatic way, but just in a way that actually respected my mornings, my afternoons, or whatever time I was deciding to get ready. That sometimes looked like laying my clothes out in advance the day before prepping and picking my handbag, cuz I'm one of those people who swaps their handbags. So,

9:58 actually giving myself enough time to get my handbag ready was one of the changes. and not having to have my mornings feel so rushed and squeezed and packed so tightly before I was, you know, needing to get out of the door. It's really hard to feel pulled together when you feel like you're constantly rushing. No matter what you're putting on, even if you are already confident, it's just really hard to do. But I realized that time wasn't the only thing that I needed. I also needed space. I was fortunate enough to create a designated space in my home where I could get ready and actually enjoy the process of getting ready. Before that, my office actually doubled as that space. I would have my makeup stored in my office and it just worked for me for a while. Eventually, I used a spare

10:45 bedroom and pulled everything together and sort of made it into my extended closet slash beauty room as I often referred to it. So instead of my clothes, my handbag, jewelry, and makeup being scattered throughout the entire house, I brought those special items, the select pieces all into one space into my extended closet/ beauty room. The pieces that I actually reach for, having everything in one space made getting ready feel so much different. I feel more intentional when I'm getting ready. I also feel more excited and more grounded and how I wanted to actually show up. But the combination of both the permission to take the time I needed to

11:33 get ready. So that I needed to make sure my schedule would allow for it to carve out the special space and to get ready more than any product I ever purchased had a pretty big impact on how I showed up looking more put together over the last year. And the result of all of those shifts and changes that I made wasn't just in how I looked. Yes, I feel more confident on my body, more comfortable in my skin, and less like I'm chasing a younger version of myself. And that's the part of the glow up that actually lasts way longer than any handbag and way longer than any beauty or makeup related trend. And as we kick off 2026, I'm not focused on becoming someone new or trying to look younger.

12:18 Like, I'm past that. I'm very happy to be 40 years old, looking forward to these years of my life. I'm focused on showing up more intentionally and feeling more put together while doing it. And if you're in a similar season and trying to figure this out in a way that actually makes sense for where you are in your real life right now, I'm really glad you're here. I'm Mercedes with the soft life edit for grown women. And let me know in the comments what's helped you look more pulled together over the last year and what you're planning on curing into 2026. And finally, thanks for watching.