7 Tiny Shifts That Finally Get You Unstuck

0:00 If you feel like you're doing everything right, reading the books, setting the goals, trying to improve your life, but somehow you're still stuck in the same place, there's a good chance that one of these seven mindset blocks is running the show. And the tricky thing about these blocks is that they don't feel like blocks. They feel like normal thoughts. They feel logical, responsible, even wise. But underneath the surface, they are quietly costing you. Not in one dramatic moment, but slowly in the goals that you keep postponing. The version of yourself you keep meaning to become. The life that always seems to be one more right time away. These are the seven mindset traps

0:45 that I talk about in my upcoming book, Redesigning You. And once you start to see them, you begin to notice them everywhere. So, let's start with the first one. It's called future selfd disconnection. Let me give you a very ordinary scenario. It's 10:30 at night. You're on the couch. You're tired. You had planned to get up early the next morning and go for a run or work on something important or maybe just start the day in a calm, intentional way. But instead, you think, uh, I'll just stay up a little later, one more episode, a little more scrolling. And in that moment, it feels harmless. The problem is tomorrow morning comes and suddenly future you is exhausted. Future you is

1:31 rushing. Future you is skipping the run. But here's the strange thing. Psychologically speaking, in the present time, future you doesn't feel like you. There's fascinating research by psychologist Hal Hersfield where they looked at brain scans while people thought about their present self versus their future self. And what they found was surprising. When people think about their future selves, the brain lights up in a pattern that looks almost identical to when we think about other people. In other words, your brain treats your future self almost like a stranger. Which explains why it is so easy to do things that make life harder for them. Things like staying up late, overspending procrastinating putting

2:17 off taking care of your health. Because in that moment it doesn't feel like you are paying the price. It feels like someone else will deal with it later. And this shows up everywhere. Someone says that they want to get healthy but future them will start on Monday. Someone says that they want to build a business but future them will figure out the hard parts. Someone says that they want to learn a language but future them will somehow become disciplined enough to practice every day. Future you becomes this mysterious superhero who is somehow more organized, more motivated, and more capable than present you. But here's the truth. Future you is just you. Of course. Same brain, same habit,

3:02 same environment. The only thing that changes your life is when you start making decisions on behalf of the person you're becoming, not just the person you are right now. One of the most powerful shifts that you can make is this simple question. What would future me be grateful for right now? Sometimes the answer is big, but very often it's small. Go to bed a little earlier. Do the 10-minute workout. Write the paragraph. Send the email. Just tiny decisions that make life easier for the person that you're slowly becoming. All right, so that is mindset trap number one, future self-disconnection. Now, the second mindset block builds directly on this, and it's something that almost everyone has at some point in their life. I call it self-limiting

3:49 perspective. So, here's another scenario that might sound familiar. Let's say that someone invites you to do something that's slightly outside your comfort zone or you have an idea for something new that you think you might like to do. Maybe it's going to a networking event or speaking up more in meetings, starting a side project, trying a new sport, learning a language, and almost instantly a thought pops up. I'm just not the kind of person who does that. Or a thought that sounds like I'm not disciplined enough for that. Or I'm not confident enough for that kind of room. Or well, the truth is I've never been good at sticking with things. And the interesting thing is we say these things very casually, almost like we're just describing our eye color. We feel like

4:36 they're just neutral facts about ourselves. But what's really happening in that moment is something much more powerful. You're filtering the world through a self-limiting perspective about who you are. And once the brain decides this is who I am, it becomes incredibly good at defending that story. There's a concept in psychology called confirmation bias. The brain naturally looks for evidence that confirms what it already believes. So if you believe that you are not a disciplined person, for example, your brain will start collecting evidence for that, the two times that you skipped a workout, the project that you didn't finish, the days that you felt unmotivated, but it just kind of ignores all the moments that

5:22 contradict that story, the days that you did show up, for example, the things that you did finish, the times that you pushed yourself through something difficult. Those things happened too, but your mind just overlooks them. And then over time, your story about yourself hardens into identity. You believe, "I'm just not that kind of person." As though it's a stone cold fact. And it kind of gets worse because once something becomes part of your identity, your brain will do almost anything to stay consistent with it. And that's even if that identity is limiting you. This is why identity work is so powerful when it comes to change because real transformation rarely starts with behavior. It starts with who you believe

6:09 yourself to be. I experienced this very directly recently with golf. For most of my life, I had a pretty firm belief about my identity running in the background. I am not athletic. I was the academic kid, the reader, the introvert. Sports were just not really part of the story. So when I started learning golf a little while ago, I realized how much that identity was still sitting there. Every time I struggled with something, there was this little voice saying, "Well, of course this is hard for you. You're not really an athlete." And once you see that happening, you start to realize something important. These identities that we carry around, they are very often outdated stories. stories

6:55 that we picked up years ago. Stories that might have been true at one point or maybe they were never really true at all, but we have been repeating them so long that they feel permanent. A few months ago, I was golfing with these two men who I didn't know when we were paired up. And about halfway through the round, they were asking me about my learning journey in golf, where I was taking lessons and things like that. And they were complimentary about my progress so far. And then one of them said, "Well, you'll be fine. I mean, you're athletic, so just keep going. You're going to keep getting better." And honestly, it kind of stopped me in my tracks to have someone tell me that I was athletic because I had never heard that before. And it really made me question my own story and beliefs

7:42 because this was just a stranger commenting on something that he was observing in present time without the filter of knowing any of my earlier life experiences or anything like that. So one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is, is this actually a fact or is it just a story that I've been telling myself for years? Because the moment that you start questioning those identity labels, you create a little bit of space and in that space new possibilities start to appear. Okay, so that is mindset block number two, self-limiting perspective. Now, the third mindset block is one that I want you to watch for carefully because it doesn't show up as negativity or self-doubt. actually shows up as something that sounds completely

8:27 reasonable, logical even, like you're just being realistic about your situation, but what is really happening underneath is that you're quietly handing away your own power. And most people never notice it's gone. I call this one the victim vortex. Okay, so let me paint you a picture. Two people are talking about something that they want to do with their life. maybe start a business or change careers or get healthier or move somewhere new. And one person starts listing the reasons that it might be possible. But the other person responds with something like, "Yeah, but you're lucky." Or maybe they say, "Well, you have more time than I do. You don't have the responsibilities that I have." Or maybe something like, "Well, that might work for you, but it

9:14 wouldn't work for me." And before you know it, the entire conversation has shifted into a long list of reasons why change is basically impossible for them. Now, to be very clear, life circumstances are real. Some people absolutely do face bigger obstacles than others. But the mindset block happens when those circumstances start to become the entire explanation for everything. When the story becomes nothing I do will really matter. Psychologists call this learned helplessness. The concept was first studied by psychologist Martin Seligman who found that when people repeatedly experience situations where they feel powerless, they can start to generalize that feeling and eventually they stop trying to change things even

10:00 when change becomes possible. And that's where the victim vortex starts to pull people in. It's when you relinquish your own agency preemptively because you assume that there's nothing that you can do just because some stuff is out of your control. You assume that nothing is in your control. You stop asking, "What could I do about this?" And instead, your brain starts asking, "Why bother?" I've seen this happen with incredibly capable people. people who are smart and talented and hardworking, but who slowly talk themselves into believing their situation is uniquely impossible. Now, to be clear, agency doesn't mean pretending that life is fair. It doesn't mean ignoring real challenges. It simply means asking a different question. Not

10:46 why is this happening to me? But given the reality of my situation, what power do I still have? Because even when circumstances are difficult, there are almost always small areas where you still have influence. And those small areas of influence are where change begins. You take one step, then another, and slowly you move yourself out of the vortex. If you're interested, I recently uploaded a video entirely on this topic of how to cultivate high agency. So, I'll link it up here if you want to watch it next. All right. Now, the fourth mindset block is a close cousin of this one, but it shows up in a slightly different way. Instead of focusing on what you can't control, it's when your brain becomes obsessed with

11:32 the obstacles themselves. So, here's another situation that you might recognize. You start thinking about doing something new, maybe launching a project or changing careers, writing a book, starting a YouTube channel. And within about 30 seconds, your brain produces a very impressive list of reasons why this is going to be difficult. You think things like, "I don't have enough time. The market is saturated. I'm starting too late. What if it fails? What if people judge me?" And before you've even taken a single step, your brain has already constructed a full documentary about why the whole thing probably won't work. Now, in some ways, this is just the brain doing what it evolved to do. Our brains are built

12:18 with something called a negativity bias. From an evolutionary perspective, noticing threats was more important than noticing opportunities. If your ancestors ignored a threat, they didn't survive very long. So, your brain is constantly scanning for problems. The issue is that when you're trying to change your life, that same system can start working against you. Because if your brain focuses only on the obstacles, it stops noticing the possibilities. Two people can look at the exact same situation. One sees all the reasons that it's impossible. The other sees the path forward. And the difference isn't intelligence or talent. It's simply where attention goes. So I

13:03 call mindset trap number four obstacle obsession. If you spend all your mental energy focusing on the barriers, those barriers will feel enormous. But if you start focusing on the next small step, something interesting happens. The path begins to reveal itself. You don't have to see the entire staircase. You just have to see the next step. Okay. Now, the fifth mindset block is one that I think is especially cruel because it tends to hit people right when they're trying the hardest. You've made the decision. You have started doing the work. You are genuinely showing up and then this trap kicks in and convinces you that none of it is working, that you should probably just stop. I call it the misery to miracle fallacy, and it's the

13:50 reason so many people quit just before things actually start to change. Most people believe that if their effort isn't painful, it probably isn't working. That real change requires gritting your teeth, pushing through, and basically making yourself miserable in the short term to earn the result. But the research suggests that is not just wrong. It's actually one of the most reliable ways to guarantee that you quit before anything real happens. So, here's a pattern that I see all the time. Someone decides that they are going to change their life. Like, let's say that they decide that they are going to finally launch a new business. They get motivated. They read a book, watch some videos, maybe buy a course, and

14:36 they are fired up. They are thinking, "This is it. Things are going to be different now." So they start doing all the things, waking up super early and working hard on their goals. They have pushed everything else aside in their life and they are grinding. But then something strange happens. About 2 or 3 weeks in, the excitement fades because they're hustling really hard, but not much is happening or it's not happening very fast. The progress feels slow and it's not very fun because they have pushed their rhythms way out of what feels good. Thinking that if they just grit their teeth and do this stuff for a short period of time, they will get the result that they want and then they can relax and go back to normal. So, a quiet

15:22 thought starts creeping in. This isn't working or this is taking too long. And this is where a lot of people give up. And it's because they fell into the misery to miracle fallacy. It's the belief that what it takes for real transformation is to grit your teeth, grind it out, do stuff that you hate, but it's going to be worth it in the end. And also, that end won't be that far away. And once you get there, then you'll be happy. The reality, of course, is that meaningful change needs to be more sustainable. fooling yourself into just doing some hard things for a very limited time and then once you get there, wherever there is that life can go back to normal. Well, that just doesn't tend to work. Lasting change is quieter than this. It's repetitive. It

16:09 blends better with your life. And sometimes, to be honest, it's a little boring. You do the workout, you practice the skill, you show up again the next day, and for a while, it can feel like nothing is happening. Behavioral scientists have shown that small repeated actions compound over time in ways that are almost invisible in the beginning. You don't notice the difference after one day or even one week, but months later, you suddenly realize that something has shifted. Your identity has shifted. Your abilities have shifted. Your life has shifted. Real reinvention almost never looks like misery suddenly turning into a miracle. It looks more like tiny improvements repeated long enough that they eventually transform everything and it

16:56 just kind of becomes who you are and what you do. Okay, so this leads directly into the next mindset block and this one is huge. So let's say that someone decides that they are going to get healthier. They make a plan. They are going to exercise regularly, eat better. finally get consistent and for the first week everything goes pretty great. Maybe even the second week, but then one day something happens. They miss a workout or they eat something that they didn't plan to eat or life just gets busy and suddenly the brain says something like, "Well, I've blown it now." So the workout plan disappears. The healthy eating disappears. The whole project just kind of collapses. So this

17:41 is a cognitive distortion, but most of us do this in one way or another. It's that black and white thinking that something either counts perfectly or doesn't count at all. If it can't be done exactly right, your brain decides that it might as well not be done at all. It's related to perfectionism, but you don't have to define yourself as a perfectionist to fall into this trap. But it shows up in a lot of different ways. People miss one day of writing and they assume that they have lost their momentum. They skip one week of language practice and conclude that they are bad at languages. They post one video that doesn't perform well and decide that maybe they shouldn't be doing YouTube after all. Your brain basically says if

18:26 it can't be perfect, we might as well just burn the whole project to the ground. But real progress almost never looks perfect. It's messy. It's inconsistent. It has good weeks and bad weeks. The people who actually change their lives aren't the ones who execute perfectly. They're the ones who simply keep returning to the path. When you miss a day, you come back tomorrow. If you have a rough week, you start again next week without making it mean that the whole project needs to be thrown out the window. So mindset block number six is the all oro mentality. And the truth is that momentum and real change, it's built when you refuse to let imperfection end the story. Okay, so

19:12 that brings us to the final mindset block, which honestly is one of the most damaging ones of all. Imagine someone who has a goal of becoming more organized and productive. They download a habit tracker, read a book about productivity, and they start making progress. But then they hit a rough patch. They procrastinate. They slip back into old habits. Maybe they don't show up the way that they intended and in response they start attacking themselves. I'm so lazy. Why can't I get my life together? I always do this. I'm hopeless. Now, here's the interesting thing. A lot of people believe that this kind of self-criticism will motivate them. They think that being hard on themselves will somehow push them to do

19:58 better. But the research actually shows the opposite. Psychologist Kristen Nef has spent years studying self-compassion. And what she has found is that people who treat themselves with understanding rather than harsh judgment are actually more likely to persist when things get difficult. Why? Because shame tends to shut down growth. When your brain feels attacked, it moves into defense mode. It avoids the problem. It withdraws. It procrastinates. Self-respect and self-compassion on the other hand creates just a completely different environment for change. You acknowledge the mistake, you adjust the behavior, you learn a little something, and you move forward without turning the

20:45 whole thing into a condemnation of your character. In my book, I call this trap the self-loathing spiral because the truth is one of the most powerful shifts that you can make is realizing this transformation does not require self-loathing. In fact, the people who change their lives the most effectively are often the ones who have learned how to treat themselves with a quiet kind of respect. They hold themselves accountable, but they don't tear themselves down in the process. Okay, so again, all of these seven mindset traps are things that I talk about in my upcoming book, Redesigning You, which is all about how to change your life from the inside out. I'll put a link in the description below where you can go and

21:31 learn a little more about the book if you're interested. The bottom line is that if you have been feeling stuck lately, it might not be your goals or your discipline. It could simply be that one of these seven mindset blocks has been shaping the way that you see yourself and your life. These are the invisible patterns that keep people stuck without them really realizing why. But once you start noticing them, something very interesting happens. You realize that many of the barriers that you thought were permanent were actually just mental frameworks that can be redesigned. And if you want a practical place to start, I also created a free guide called the self- sabotage recovery guide, which walks through some of the most common ways that we get in our own

22:17 way and how to break that cycle. So, you can download that below, too. And if you want to see how real change actually happens in everyday life, watch this next video on micro reinvention. It's all about the small shifts that quietly transform your life over time. I will see you over there. So, here's another scenario that might sound familiar. Let No, that was too cheesy. My goodness, I completely forgot to drink my tea. I know that sometimes viewers are getting very concerned about my tea sitting un drunk and getting cold. Unrunk. There's no way that's the correct word. Anyway, doesn't matter.