Art of Influence | Become a Better Leader & Communicator | By Udisha Mishra

0:00 And today a very interesting session is planned here for you. All those people who are worried thinking that why nobody listens to me or why I have disagreement with most of the people or if you are in such a dilemma that you have to increase the number of people in your team, that is, you need more people for your support, then today you can take a lot of benefit from this session. Because today we are going to talk about the art of influencing and positively we are not going to talk about social media influence because social media influencing first of all is a very big thing brother, we have not been able to learn it till date but we are teaching you that one on one interactions that happen in your life, whether it is your personal relationships or

0:46 official, professional, formal whatever you would like to call them, or social, the importance of these relationships of yours is very high, you want to leave a good impression in the office. You want to execute your idea. Do you want to get your team promoted? Do you want a salary increase? Whether you want to organize a party for your team or whatever, there are many big things that we want to do. But because there is a stubborn person in front who is very difficult to convince and it is becoming very tough to bond with him. So today we are going to talk about some very simple aspects and yes let me tell you there is an author called Dale Carnegie and his book is How to

1:33 Influence and Win People, something like that I had read a very long time ago and when today my team asked me to conduct a session on it, I remembered very few things from it but those things which do not happen that you read the book and you feel that I already do this, this habit is already in me as someone who is an extrovert who never has to struggle in interpersonal relations, you know interpersonal skills, so when I was very young, I used to be scared and shy even then and now that I have grown up, I have been working for a long time and all that, even then I feel that I can quickly convince people, I can bond with them, I talk happily with most people, yes there are some selected people who probably

2:19 like me less or I cannot tolerate them. Whatever these things are, well on one side everybody has such an aspect, such an aspect in life where they struggle but beyond that, why do most of these people talk to me happily or I go and say something and request that this should happen or get this done and that work gets done. Many times I feel that but why was my point accepted? And then you start reading your personality. You start relating to these facts. And that's when you understand that this is probably my natural behavior. But over a period of almost 10 years, I have learnt a lot of things by observing my seniors, my colleagues and my family members.

3:04 And especially if I would like to talk about both my parents. The interpersonal skills of both people are excellent. I mean, till today I have not seen any person who would say that these people are not good. About my parents. You can say this about me. Not about them. Because they have maintained their image very well. Simple as that. Ok? So now let's talk about one small thing first. Look, here you can see two people doing mischief in life. One thing to keep in mind is that if you have a target that I have to convince this person or I have to create a long term good bond with him. So, you may like what he says , you may not like what he says, you may not like his behavior. If you do not like the opinion they have at the moment and the

3:50 complaint they have at the moment, never ever ever in that moment criticize and condemn them, that means you have to understand that bro, right now I have to fix my bond with this guy. Right now I have to give him a chance to open up a little with me. Can you talk to me a little? Can you connect with me a little bit? So please understand that if you start giving feedback to a person from day one , start criticizing him from day one , no matter how minor the criticism is, it always pushes a person back. It distances the person a little bit. So if you are looking forward to

4:35 winning friends. And this photo is so this is really an uninspiring gif. If you are upset or angry and someone gives you this advice, then it could be your mistake too. You also did the same. You also thought like that and you acted in a certain manner. You know, at that time it doesn't seem at all that you are saying the right thing. You are older, you are wiser whatever. I just feel that you should leave from here first. My mood will improve. So bonding is far away. It is possible that some hostility may arise. So don't ever judge anyone if they open up to you. If you want to build a good bond then never criticize and condemn in the beginning. Yes, give them some time and

5:22 if you put your point politely then they will definitely listen to you. Instead of telling them that you are wrong. you did this? Ask them questions. Why did this happen? Why are you in this situation? who did this? When did it happen? What did you do to get this? So when you ask and understand the whole thing, then generally what happens is that while thinking and introspecting about these questions which you are asking for your information, if this person is at fault, then he will realize it automatically and you will not become a villain. So number one don't blame rather ask and try to be nice. Let's see the next one here.

6:10 See one thing which I think can change the entire game. I am telling you people that when I joined this organization and now it has been a long time. So this is me, I am a very content type of person. Meaning, everything is going somewhat well for me. So I became a little complacent. It doesn't mean that everything is going well. What is the need to work harder now ? What is the need to run away? Such was the attitude. Hopefully I can say this. Because then you meet some people who say, oh wow Disha, today 1000 people live are watching you. Oh wow Disha, your batch is doing very well. Hey wow Disha, I have received feedback for you on the mail. So this constant appreciation

6:57 and real appreciation can get work done even from a person who has already set his mind that he is going to work only for 6 hours. I am not getting salary more than this. I don't want to do any work above this. I am not saying that working for 12 hours instead of 6 hours is a very ideal status. But when your mind is happy, your soul is happy, you feel like you are appreciated in an environment. You are able to connect better with that person, with that organization, with your work. And as somebody who is trying to influence someone at this moment. Is trying to win a good friend in life. They should give appreciation top most priority. You should always remember a real appreciation, a sincere appreciation

7:45 that at some point in a week, 15 days, 20 days, there should be a communication between you and that person where you can express to them how much value do they add to your entire system, entire ecosystem and organisation and your family and whatever, you need to be very sincere about it. Don't butter me up. But yes, keep your eyes open for sincere appreciation. Only then will you be able to see what that person is doing in life. Now this is another very beautiful trick and trust me this works wonders. Always always means I have so many dark secrets of so many people right now. Like as I will tell you maybe I can start my own gossip channel. I will tell you very honestly. So I don't know

8:34 every time a very very much means apart from those people who are my close friends a lot of people tend to share their details and deep secrets with me but why does it happen that I get to know the details of those people's lives. Even though he met me a week ago. Many times it has happened that people literally met me a day before and then call me the next day to tell me their things. Why does this happen If you want someone to reveal information and give you their darkest secrets, make them laugh. I am telling you. Never go ahead and ask what happened? What happened? Tell me who said anything to you? Has there been any problem ? remove etsetra etsetra.

9:19 Put it right in the corner. I am telling you. If you're capable of making a person laugh. That person is going to trust you. I am telling you this always happens with me. Right? So you have to try this one. You want to know someone's secret, do this. If you feel good, the strong bonds that you have , the people who are friends with you , they start agreeing with your opinion. Why does that happen? Because they start sharing one thing with you. He starts sharing his things with you. So that is why it is important to know the secret. But after knowing the secret, don't do that thing. Do n't do that low standard thing and tell it to everyone. This is probably a good thing for me. If someone has told me something from here then it is not known here also. So these are some basic ethics of a person that do

10:06 not sing and tell it to everyone. Stay calm. I heard it. Ok. Can you do something for that guy? That too is very good. Can't do it. You just listened carefully. That is also a huge success. In many people's lives, there is no one to listen to their no. So if you are good at listening you can be a good friend also. Now this is what's going on here guys? Look, this guy is standing here and someone behind him is moving exactly like him. Isn't it? So mirror the body language, the behavior, the mannerisms. Like, if I am talking to you by doing something like this, then you can also do something like this. That means if I asked you what are you saying? So you can also say something similar like yes I am serious. If I am saying to you hi how are you and you reply me I am

10:52 fine. I swear there will be no conversation beyond this. I am not going to talk to you. Nobody would I am telling you that. So you have to understand mirror their mannerisms. If you want anyone you are talking to to agree with you. Listen to what you say and understand it. Share more details with you. Mirror their enthusiasm, mirror their body language, mirror their behaviour etcetera. So if somebody is being very kind to you, you be kind to them. If somebody is being very stiff you also stand stiff. If somebody is trying to know you mumble something to you. If someone is whispering to you, you should also whisper to you. Look, let me

11:37 show you one more thing. If any parents are watching this video then I have a very solid trick for you. What happens? We generally shout at our children at home. Generally, families close the book quickly. Even if he is speaking lovingly, close the book. Let's eat. Where is the volume? It's a little higher. Well, you do n't have to go to the park today. Your friends have come here. Again again. If you ever want to convince your child about something then talk to them in a low volume. Talk in a slightly whisper. His entire attention will come towards you. Trust me, these little kids come to listen immediately. In fact, I am not even two years old. My nephew, if you whisper to him, he also listens and asks, what are you saying? So this works even on two year old children.

12:24 Anyway the next thing that you have to remember is why did I write this twice? Talk in terms of other persons interest. Now if someone comes and talks to you, you have gone to dinner with someone or you are meeting a new person in a group of friends , then talk about their interests. What does he/she like? Try to know this first. If you are going for an interview or a fresh meeting then do some research about them beforehand. And there are a lot of ways nowadays. Look brother, it 's a formal situation. There is no better way than Lindin. If someone is a very popular person then you should go and Google him. But I am telling you otherwise. Now if you are meeting someone completely fresh. You did n't know anything about them. So you ask him directly,

13:09 what are your interests? What you like to do in your free time? What is your dream? Where You See Yourself After Five Years? What's your favourite colour? And then when you collect three or four things then talk about that topic. Friendship happens in 3 seconds. I am telling you. Who are the people who make friends most easily in the office? Two people who hate office instantly connect with each other. The frosty ones are wandering around. Any such person I don't like this place. Friend, there is a lot of work. No one listens to me. The person in front I swear friend. What is your attitude? He doesn't tell me anything. Doesn't ask anything. Our friendship is over. So when the interest and way of thinking of two people matches. That's where you are done. You are friends, you are influenced. If you

13:54 meet again, you will connect immediately. The next one is avoid arguments. I am telling you something very seriously. You get angry. I also get very angry. I am generally a very rude person also. I feel not generally sometimes I am very rude. Plus I am very honest. So sometimes my reactions are ah may be a little unacceptable to people, they may be too much out there for them to accept. So, if you feel bad about something the other person has said, then do not get into an argument, don't say things like, I don't like you, you are absolutely wrong, you always do this, don't do this, you know, first of all try to have control over your temper, you have to remain a little calm because nobody likes argumentative people.

14:41 Be it office , home, relationships, anything. Argumentative People Are Generally Avoided. If what someone is saying seems right, you can agree, laugh, if not, it seems right , you can suggest it to them. Ok? That's your opinion. But I think otherwise. And let's move on in the same manner. That means you think one thing, you think something else. Listen to it once. Well, you know there are a lot of statements you can use instead of just saying you're wrong. Instead of saying this, you can use many other phrases which I keep telling you in shorts on this channel. So you use it. You know because I will tell you one more thing. Look, what everybody always tries to do is to look classy. So this ghost of class is on everyone's head,

15:27 first thing let me tell you is that those people who fight over tea uncle or get heated up over every small thing. Write it down now, Sigma, whatever you can become. People do not have a good impression of you. There is nothing to like. Is n't it? They stood anywhere and started fighting. How could you say that? How could you say that? why did you do this? Don't get into the scene. Do n't fight at all. Don't argue. You are not feeling well. Excuse yourself from there. But avoid arguments as much as possible. Compliment people behind their back. This is a cheap trick and a cheat trick. If you want to be in someone's good books. You have to make a strong friendship with someone. Specially work place. You have to avoid workplace drama so that no

16:13 one thinks negatively about you. So do n't go and tell that person that you are very solid sir you are the best. Oh my God you are so helpful. I told him a few times. It is done. I won't meet you every day. What would you do? Whatever people are around him, sit with them sometime for lunch and just say all the good things that you can. Because when you talk to them, no one will feel that she is going too far or that she is buttering you up. No, she is just thinking so good about a third person or she is thinking so good about a third girl and the people around her, such rumours always spread. You will say good things, they will also fly around. You will say bad things. They will also be shared and spread. So you have to understand. If you want to avoid workplace,

16:58 drama, politics etc, speak good things about everyone. Do the best things. There will be no better person than you. So, I think that today's session would have been a lot of fun for you because here I have taught you a lot of tricks that you can execute from today itself. And the last one is if you have to maintain the energy of the other person so that yes the conversation continues. It is not that the matter is over. Let me go. Okay, let me go. So always keep nodding while they are talking. Yes. What happened after that? Oh that's nice. So it is not like that you say it quickly, yes, yes, tell me, I have to go, I have a class, I have to rush, don't be in a hurry, just be easy, nice, oh nice, that's way good, so how was your day, slowly doing a little bit, going this and that,

17:43 and being very communicative, maintaining a soft eye contact, just by looking into the eyes of some people, one feels like not talking to them because their eye contact is very harsh, you should never look at a person like this, what is this, it has to be a soft eye contact, who looks like this? So don't look at people like that. Don't scare them. Isn't it? Keep it soft, keep it subtle. Anyway, in today's class, I would just like to remind you that brothers, all of you who want to learn to speak good English , want to improve your conversation , then for all of you, this is your batch Spoken English Zero to Hero which is a recorded batch. But all are fresh videos. You have never got these classes before. This class

18:31 brings to you everything like grammar, vocabulary, speaking and practice. And you will get this batch of 60 classes for just ₹599. At the same time, for those of my friends who wish to advance their career journey further , our interview preparation batch is also going on live right now. So you have to join all the remaining classes live. So enroll in our interview preparation batch right now. Classes are held on zoom. Sorry there are live classes. There are two way interactive classes. Here we work on everything from your questions, doubts, your resume, cover letter etc. So this is a very important batch. You will get this also for just ₹499. The Code Is You Live.

19:19 I have to check something. What did I do? Yes. So U M LIVE is your code. Oh my god. Ok? YOU M LIVE is the code through which you will get discount on both batches and also on Skill Mega Pack. The Skill Mega Pack is our go-to pack that gives you six Skilling Coursers. Such as Stock Market Trading, MS Excel, AIST & Interview Preparation, Spoken English. So if you want to take skill mega pack then visit study iq.com and take admission in skills section. The code for discount will be UM LIVE. Thank you so much for watching the class. If you enjoyed it, let me know in the comment section. Tata bye bye.