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0:00 I see why everyone goes, "Why aren't you going to have kids?" >> Me? >> Yeah, I see it. You don't have kids? >> No. Whoa, man. You came out came out the gate with the parent shame [laughter] club. Want to be ducking that? I'm just I'm just kidding. That's fine. It's fine. >> Let's lean into that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Something's on your mind. Sorry. [laughter] >> I'll take it back. I'll take it back. >> No. No. It's cool, man. It's okay. >> It's all right. >> I'm kidding. >> I can't tell you how many times I heard that, though. You don't have kids? >> You don't have kids? >> Yeah. That like just like that. YEAH. SO, >> WHY? HOW? Tell us more. >> But you see this is why I get it now. >> You'd make such a cool dad. >> Sperm has never fertilized an egg. That's how I don't have to. [laughter] >> I love the science behind it. >> That's how I >> His favorite topic. Sperm. Yeah. Look at [laughter] him. Look at how excited you got him. >> You You want to hear him saying it more? >> Oh boy.
0:46 >> My ejaculate is [laughter] >> Look, look at what you're doing to my friend. >> The fallopians to get to the ovaries to get that one. [laughter] >> That has not happened. That is the reason I don't have kids. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Oh man. Yeah. But I I get I get why I So I'm I'm sure you know this. So at the risk of saying something you've heard a thousand times, maybe you haven't. >> I think it's because people will seldom bump into human beings who they in an altruistic way almost wish that they would make more human beings. >> Yes. >> Does that does that make sense? So when I Now understand because like that's something that's followed you for like I don't even know how many years. I've
1:31 seen you answer that question so many times. No, I don't plan to have kids and you know and that's even when I met my my current wife my first date that was the conversation you guys had is just like >> which I think is important. >> Yeah. Before the fries he was like wait wait wait >> hold on those look good but wait just one second. >> Yeah. >> What's your stance on family? >> Yeah. >> So but I can >> I've never heard that question be asked. I can see why people go, "But but John, what?" >> So, >> cuz everyone wishes that they would have had a dad or everyone wishes that someone would have had a dad that is this nuanced, this thoughtful, this like caring, this do do you understand all that? >> Goodness, I appreciate all that, but then let's so let's lean into that, right? >> Just because someone thinks I would be
2:17 good at something >> Yeah. >> is that reason enough >> to do it? And it is not a commitment where if like four months in I'm like, you know, this wasn't my thing. [laughter] >> Orphanages. >> I'm kind of >> those buildings ARE GREAT FOR THAT. [laughter] >> I'm going to pivot. >> Those buildings were created for second thought. >> They were like the fries. [laughter] Let's try the truffle fries. just take away the >> I'll also lean into I'll lean into the second half of your comments like those who envision like man I I wish I had a father figure like that or this person >> the time I've had to live life >> is how I've developed the wisdom is how I've developed the [clears throat] nuance >> it's because because I'm here I'm I'm
3:05 present like when when I'm here with you guys my wife is curious and independent and we love each other and we respect our is she's doing something in New York, >> okay? >> And I have no fear in what she's doing and I have full trust in what she's doing, which allows me to be here with you guys fully >> to maybe learn something to develop a little maybe another layer of the onion like that. It's it's the time without >> those commitments, >> that have led me to be who I am. So if I did have those commitments, I wouldn't be who I am. It's all hypothetical. >> Yes. Everything >> is a compromise. We just have to be willing to choose which compromise we want to make. >> And the the thing that makes this question so difficult is I'm on the wrong side of the math. >> Everybody has kids. >> Well, that's that's not necessarily true, but a majority of the folks do.
3:51 They aspire to have a family. So, because I don't want to, I'm an oddball, >> right? >> Like, what the what the is wrong with you? Like, what's I'm >> I just want to choose to be over here in my lane in life, and I understand that that is not the majority. >> Yeah. So living in that small bracket, you got to answer a lot of questions. And that's okay because it also makes me think about like, man, am I second guessing anything? And I'm not. I'm not. I'm still like so [snorts] interested on what's out there. And gosh, I like I know I I know I I know what the commitment is, >> right? >> You know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> And uh man, even even like my dad was a great dad. M >> raised five of us, worked his ass off. Yet me growing up, I wanted him to be
4:40 somebody he wasn't. >> And like, I'm talking growing up, that up, to like 45 years old. I wanted my dad to be something he wasn't. And then at 46, I was like, man, maybe I'll just try to meet that some where he's at. >> And now we have a much better relationship. [sighs] >> Gosh, what a what a steep hill to climb for my old man. A 45 year commitment. maybe looking for a good relationship with his son and just because I'm over here thinking I want you to be somebody and you're not that person >> and hoping that maybe one day it turns around and and not knowing if it's going to or not and it's really not in your control. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't I don't know, man. I just uh >> Yeah, I'm with you. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But it's crazy. It's so refreshing to hear man speak about parenthood >> because obviously our gender sort of makes us fathers automatically. People
5:27 never assume that you're looking at your capacity to be present. You're looking at am I emotionally am I emotionally capable of being there for this person long term. Am I even interested in being there? Because everyone assumes that at a certain age as a man you can be a father. >> In fact, to your Yeah, if I can expand on that. It's more than that. It's it's also that there isn't an expectation in a way. Does that make sense? So So it's like if I'm hearing it, it's almost like people go >> with a woman if she's like, "Oh, I can't." Then they're like, "Yeah, then you shouldn't do it." if you but with guys they almost you're like yeah but busy there's like you can be busy you don't need to be around you're just a dude man you just get the sperm and you're good and but you know what I mean it's so interesting that you've said that >> whether it's society at large whether it's us whether it's not it feels like
6:13 for a long time people have sort of gone oh no there is no emotional burden or there is no emotional expectation or very little on being a father >> you just have to be a provider and then you've done a good job and like here you are going no no no I consider the emotional ramifications of this not just for myself but for the potential human being I may meet on the other side and that's how I'm making the decision >> and also [clears throat] >> it's it's my life >> damn >> you know like I that's that's where that's where this work line of work is fragile >> because when you say like man this is my goound and I'm choosing to go this direction that might turn a lot of folks off but again I I'll state my claim on like the fact that I've been able to
6:59 absorb all of these moments. Yeah. >> Without my attention being split or fractured has led me to be the the man I am today, which I >> I look at the guy in the mirror and he ain't perfect. Tons of flaws, but I love that dude. And I'm I'm >> super at peace. >> And I still want to do more and experience more. And >> I I just it's it's my life. It's my it's that's what that's that's a choice I made, you Have you have you ever noticed how people will question your decision to not partake in something >> with like a higher level of judgment but if you are on the opposite side of it and you regret it then they'll be like but then why'd you do it? You ever noticed that? >> So like for instance if you go I don't drink people like what do you mean you
7:44 don't drink? You're like yeah I don't I don't drink I don't want to drink. Then like people like what you don't drink? Come on man just try the come on man you don't know what you mean. How you going with just one? >> Yeah. But then if you drink and then afterwards you go like yeah I drank but I didn't you know in my life and then people like you shouldn't have done it then >> shouldn't have done it. Yeah. Yeah. >> There are many people who have kids who then say I wish I didn't have kids. And then their kids or other people will judge them and go well then why did you do it? Why are you like well because you guys kept asking me why I don't have kids and I should have a kid and then I said I don't want a kid and then I had the kid and now you're going why did I have the kid and now I had the kid and I didn't. You see what I'm saying? And what I love about your explanation about the relationship that you and your father had or that you wish you had until you were 45 is >> you didn't choose to make a human being to heal you. >> You became the father that you wish your
8:31 dad was to yourself. >> You were present. You were driven. You were there. You did everything. You did everything. You didn't create a human and go, I'm going to try. Cuz a lot of a lot of guys do that. They sometimes want to heal the relationship that they never had with their fathers by having kids. >> Oh my goodness. Wow. Wow. Man, that that's goosebumps. Wow, that's Yeah. Uh I did not do that. But yeah, that is Wow, that's that hit me like a ton of bricks. I That is a good one. That makes me think Yeah, man. Yeah, you're right. Wow. Well, I'm I am glad that I finally met my dad where he's at. >> That's beautiful. >> And and gosh, we we're doing great. And I'm also uh I'm I'm also okay on my stance. And
9:17 uh I think making those tough choices >> Yeah. >> that are against popular opinion, but deep down, you know, it's the direction that you want to go in >> so hard. >> Mhm. >> That's now I got to walk the talk. I got to live my life. I got to try every day to have joy in my life. I got to try every day to be useful. I got to keep my curiosity. So in saying no to one thing, I've got to commit to be to walk in the talk. So it does hold me accountable. Not saying that I I wouldn't be those things. >> Yeah. Yeah. But I know what you mean. >> But like, hey, I'm saying no to this because I believe I can travel in this lane. Well, let's go. Let's go to work. >> You know what I mean? Yes.
